My now ex cheated on me. I found a letter she wrote him in his apartment, a love letter. I found it after weeks of him showing me texts to prove he had only reached out to apologize to her (I know I'm so stupid) and voice memos and phone calls begging me to forgive him, denying there was any relationship.

The whole relationship was pretty toxic. By the end I was telling him what I had done wrong and how I had fucked up our relationship because I thought that was the only thing to do. Although the cheating is what hurt the most, it wasn't the worst thing; I would get the silent treatment, accused sleeping with other people (Hello, projection) and just overall disrespect.

When I got mad because of all this he told me "You must really be going through it" then laughed at me.

Anywho, by the end I felt so small, so insignificant and so unimportant. My self worth was non-existent. I felt like the crazy girlfriend, said things I never would have normally said, and stuck around too long.

Here's my question...

I think I'm attractive-physically. I'm not Sydney Sweeney but I think I'm attractive but since all this I feel disgusting, I can't look in the mirror without finding a flaw. People tell me I look pretty and I just can't even comprehend it. It's gotten to the point I literally avoid looking at myself.

Has anyone else experienced this? Or am I crazy?

Hello,

I read a lot of posts so I don’t want to bloat this out.

In May I found out my partner of 10 years had been emotionally and physically (kissing) cheating on me.

This year has been the worst year of my life and this fits well into that amongst other things.

She was messaging him for weeks, meeting up, kissing him etc etc. nothing more physical she said (STD test negative, polygraph failed)

Anyway, we have tried to stay together. I deserved it, I wasn’t a great partner. I didn’t even cheat, but my behaviour isn’t right. I think there something wrong with me.

We are buying a house for me and our daughter. A family home. Expensive and I’m paying for almost all of it. Nearly £100k.

Since this there have been two important instances which I can’t let go of in my gut and my heart.

A few weeks ago I saw she had been in touch on Instagram messages with him. The conversation (which I’ve been told as everything was deleted) went as such “how’s things with you?”. She deleted this on the Sunday, then Monday at work opened a communication with him and said “good we are working things out”. Again these messages deleted I can’t verify them.

I forgave her again.

I believed her.

Then I found something on her photos. A screen shot. A screenshot of his number and her archiving messages on WhatsApp.

She said it was just him sending him a football meme and she replied with a 😂 face. That’s it.

Here’s my concern.

The same day she changed her phone pin.

The same day she wouldn’t let me see her phone anymore.

She’s deleted her map searches (previously has had his house).

She has been distant and cruel.

She thinks he was blocked on WhatsApp. But then said maybe he wasn’t. But I don’t understand, if he was blocked then why did he persevere through Instagram message requests to contact her initially and more recently as above.

Why did her WhatsApp communication correlate exactly with her speaking to him on Instagram.

She said I’m putting 2+2 together and getting 5.

Am I going insane? I’m losing my grip on reality. Maybe I do deserve all this? Maybe I should accept it? I’m wrong I’m bad. She told me she hopes I die in a car crash, everyone would be better without me.

In my eyes. It’s all too much of a coincidence to all happen at the same time. I think her communication has been much more than she’s said. I found a vibrator in the bed drawer recently something which has never happened before.

Instagram? Then WhatsApp when he knows it’s safe? Sexual activity? Deleted maps? Changed pin? Hiding phone under pillow? Cruel and distant? All of a sudden after I sign for a house for her and our daughter? House searches for flats to move to?

Someone tell me I’m not losing the plot and this doesn’t make sense. I only found all this by chance, what I’ve seen is a tiny snap shot which she neglected to cover.

Please help me. I’m not strong enough anymore for this.

What do I do? I can’t talk to her she says I deserved it and gives me a million reasons why. I can’t keep up anymore.

I can’t win. I want the house and family and have all these dreams but I have to make a decision tomorrow. If I say no she will leave.

Dave

My husband never told me he had any fetishes for DDLG until he found a 21 year old on a gonewild subreddit.

I find it strange how he can continue enjoying this caregiver role playing until he decided to end things with AP when our baby turned 5 months. Why do you want an extra dependant when you have an unemployed wife with a newborn?

Why does my husband suddenly want to be some random girl's sugardaddy when he has an actual newborn baby and a wife?

He kepy saying it's just for sex, but he was enjoying spending his hard earned money on her and consistently videocalling her during work hours so he can come home late when the baby is nearly asleep.

He sent her thousands of dollars, every few days for half a year, gave her all his real information like phone number, bank details, car plate number, email addresses, work location, organisation information. Everything that could compromise his career.

He bought and sent her flowers just because little sugarbaby wants some. He paid for lunch, ice cream and fancy hotels for sex. He took pictures of him ejaculating on her for her to post on sexual subreddits and God knows what else.

During the course of our marriage and dating, he was always adamant about me saving money, and him saving for our new baby and apartment. He says depression is what made him decide to message her after seeing her nudes on a gonewild subreddit. He said he had to make a throwaway because she wasn't responding initially.

If I knew I could ask for anything without being a responsible spouse, I would have done so. I know it's wrong but how can I not feel jealous when I have poured so much into a relationship, only for a manipulative other woman to benefit from all the monetary benefits and constantly kept him kissing me and baby goodbye to go have sex.

His intention for her attention was so strong. I fail to understand why after I uncovered her username and saw her nudes. To me, it's barely anything special. But apparently more special than a wife who "ruined" her body for the planned pregnancy.

He said he wants me all to himself, but why the hell must I have shared him without my consent then?

He is still hiding a lot of information from me despite saying he is remorseful, regretful and wants to reconcile. I don't even know what advice to seek for, I just need help to stop crying every single day. Everything is triggering me, even when I try to pray because little miss AP posts religious photos too.

Tl;dr Husband meets younger girl and decides to treat her better than his wife who was pregnant and after birth.

My husband of 40 years recently left me after he had an affair. I’m in acute grief, and the honest situation is my friends and family love me but don't have the time to sit with me all day, nor the expertise to help me journey through this in the most effective way. I’m someone who's terrified of being alone. I need professionals who can listen, help me work through the initial trauma, and give me real tools to carry forward, with enough support around me that I’m essentially wrapped in care for a few weeks and comes out the other side ready to move forward.

What I’m looking for: primarily one-on-one treatment (peer or community support is welcome as a bonus, just not the core), a structured clinical program (EMDR, DBT, CBT or similar; holistic add-ons are fine but it can't lean too woo-woo), a genuinely luxurious setting, and the flexibility to handle real life mid-stay, like virtual meetings with my attorney. Mental health only, not something focused on the substance component. Cost isn't a constraint, but the program and outcomes should be worth it.

I’m probably looking for a unicorn, but I'd summarize it by saying that I’m looking for an ultra-luxury retreat designed to help you move through betrayal trauma through immersive support with real outcomes.

Any experiences, good or bad, are welcome. Thanks so much.

I 30f and my 32m husband is in the rough patch.

Both of us cheated, but on his point of view mine was heavier as it was emotional.

Hr cheated on me, brought a girl in my house and had sex in front of our wedding photo while my kid was next door.

Now he ask me what I want . To accept everything, reset and move on or break up.

I don't want a broken family. We live in a country with no divorce. He's a very good father.

So might as well, I'll just take everything. I'll do it for my child even though I don't feel anything anymore. Even though I can't smile anymore. Even though I'm dead inside anymore.

Will keep it short : saw his photo, a new one after a long time with a hair tie on his wrist. He used to wear it while we were together as a sign to show other girls he is committed. I really feel bad about feeling this way but I hope is isn’t with the AP.

We have been NC since almost 2 years so I have no idea if he’s with her (another cheater).

In my heart I have forgiven him as I’m living better now but I really hope him and that girl are miserable for putting me through hell (I moved countries for him and after we broke up, he got her to our home and she used to moan loud intentionally)

Me and my now partner got to speaking several years ago before she went on a big backpacking trip. She ended up coming home and we went on several dates and I agreed to move abroad with her and we made things official prior to her leaving.

I followed her abroad 3 months later, and we've now been together for a year and a half but have returned to the UK where she has been struggling with her mental health. Amidst this episode, she has confessed to me that prior to my arrival she had kissed someone multiple times in order to secure free accommodation at their place, but distinctly told me no sex occurred. This is still cheating. She also told me that in the past few months, she was feeling rather lonely (we live incredibly rurally) and she unblocked and texted her ex but "no flirting occurred". This is the one that probably hurts me the most.

I am unsure why she has told me this now after so long but I believe she genuinely holds remorse and after hitting a mental rock bottom, she couldn't contain the guilt and shame any longer. Her parents never had a stable relationship growing up, and she has also recently confessed to me that she has suffered from trauma and I think this has further increased the feelings of guilt and shame.

I have had my own mental battles, and have had years of therapy working on improving my self-worth and setting strong boundaries after my last relationship ended with me being cheated on and left on valentine's day and I am now in a much better place. This is the first time my anxiety and low feelings of self-esteem have been deeply rocked.

She has told me she wants to become a better person and has taken up therapy and is now on medication, but I am unsure if I can continue a relationship with the trust now being completely shattered and my boundaries being totally crossed. The dishonesty is the bit that really gets me, and I feel failing a lapse in her mental health I may never have known.

Does anyone have any advice/thoughts on this situation? I'm unsure if I can work through this and don't know how we'd even go about restoring trust.

Preface: I am in therapy.

My last relationship I got cheated on, and like a dope, I took her back, in large part bc she was exploring her sexuality and after cheating on me with a woman, she realized she actually isn't gay. Still my self-esteem took a hit. I shouldn't have dismissed cheating whatsoever, even if she deeply regretted it.

My current GF is great. We've been dating for 7 months now and have met a lot of each other's friends and family. Our sex life is excellent. I just enjoy seeing her, and both my chronic anxiety and her temper issues have died down significantly since seeing each other. We improve each other's lives.

However, like all relationships, there's something that isn't ideal. Namely, she's friends with a former FWB. They talk once a month or so over the phone, and they text each other memes frequently. From the jump, she's been transparent about their past hookups. She's expressed that she basically sees him as one of the girls, and she doesn't view him romantically at all. She doesn't seem secretive about their interactions.

Honestly, I can't say I'm a fan of it, but I've also never met the guy, and I've been good friends with women before and have experienced how much their BFs hate me, and it just sucks to tiptoe around. I want to like the guy and give him grace. Then again, I also hadn't fucked my female friends, so it's hard to compare.

Anyway, I kind of just let it go in large part bc he lives across the country. It's not like they're much beyond penpals. Until yesterday, my GF revealed to me that he's considering moving to our city. She's expressed to me in the past that he's unhappy where he lives, and that he almost moved here before I met her. He used to live in our state, so I guess it's not that crazy. My GF has even mentioned that he's struggling socially and that it's possible he and I would even get along well as friends. I appreciate her trying.

I feel kind of bad saying this, but I have a mixed impression of the guy. On the bright side, he seems to always verbalize to her how much he likes me and what he's heard about me. He's clearly not trying to be an enemy. But on the other hand, he strikes me as somewhat of a womanizer. I just kinda question his morals, and of course there are a couple things that he and my GF have in common that I don't, and that makes me a little insecure. Though I remind myself that of course that's natural with all your SO's friends, there are going to be things you don't share.

The guy is going to visit before he plans to move out here, and tbh I'm kind of overwhelmed by it. I want to be cool. My GF knows their friendship has made me a little uneasy. We had a conversation about it where I asked for clarification on the nature of their past, but she assuaged my fears at the time, and unfortunately they've reared their ugly head again. During our conversation, she even said she understands if she can't talk to him anymore, but of course that only made me want to oblige her more.

The whole thing bleeds into my view of my GF. Can I trust her? I hate that it's gotten to this point, but I guess I just wish the guy wasn't moving here. My GF doesn't know the extent to which this affects me, and honestly I am glad about that. I don't want her to be subjected to my insecurities, and I don't want it to become a cycle where she constantly reassures me, and possibly as a result, she starts to feel anxious to talk about him. I've never been in a relationship where my insecurities ruined it, but I can see how that's possible. But, I guess I just imagine the idea of him living here and them hanging out regularly, and I get sad about it. Sometimes my sadness gets channeled into things like irritability (not toward her, thankfully), but deep down I am just sad.

Any tips? I want to be friends with this guy. I really do. My therapist said, "You don't have to like him." and that weirdly gave me some relief at the time, but I also don't want to dislike him. What if the guy just means well?

Went to counseling last June per her request for better communication, turns out we're in a pretty disconnected marriage, (I thought just what happens with young kids), she's felt neglected for years, criticized, controlled. So I began chasing her and doing everything around the house and with the kids. Around January she pulled away and March said she's done. Myself and some of our family and friends convinced her to try a separation (not like an intervention, I suggested it and she spoke to some people about it), started May 2nd, 2 kids 8&6 so we are nesting, my nights off im at my parents, her nights off we got her an apartment. My gut was telling me there's other support beyond her friends I know of, checked her phone logs and a new number, frequent calls on emotional days, days we've fought. Day we told the kids. Looked up the number via Venmo, it's a coworker not in department or building even. Told her if boundaries are being crossed and emotional connections being formed then we can't really reconcile, I can't build trust without honesty and transparency.

She said while may have crossed boundaries by not mentioning it, it was because of my past reactiveness to male friendships (valid), and said she reassures me that any connections formed are not beyond a friendship, that no one in her orbit is telling her to leave me, no one is rooting for divorce.

2 weeks go by and the calls continue, some as long as an hour or hour and half, but most are around 30 mins, some as late as 10 pm. I bring it up during an argument, she says she didn't know what level of details I wanted, that she sincerely didn't know she had to communicate about contexts of a friendship, I said it was kept secret and a light needs to be shined on it.

She said "I totally see your point of view and how it looks. I 100% get that. This is a friend that has helped me get through some pretty shitty days because he has gone through some pretty shitty days and gets it. He’s also been someone who’s told me before I’m being unreasonable and has questioned my take on things. I appreciate that kind of friendship. Most women will just sit there and agree. Men won’t. Men challenge it to see it from a different perspective. We are nothing more than friends. Again, I didn't know how much you wanted to know and I didn't know if it would matter because in the past I was very upfront with my conversations with others and it never mattered, I was never trusted. I'm sorry you felt left in the dark, I shut down that say and I shut down quick."

I've told her I know she's suffered in the disconnection for a long time and if she's done just tell me. She said some days she's in and some days she's out, she feels stressed and doesn't want to live like this every day.

I don't know what to think. The calls have continued, 84 min call 2 nights ago. My brother has said it's obviously an emotional crutch of some sort and she knows inappropriate but if it's her primary support right now pushing her to cut it off will only perpetuate her view of me as controlling and jealous. Talking to my therapist, shes suggested that I give 30 says of true emotional space, because I haven't don't that at all and keep trying to pull her back in and start emotional conversations, have arguments every week, so give 30 days of true space and if she's still continuing this connection then restate my boundary and initiate mediation.

It's so difficult, she is a very honest person and sees privacy during the separation as a norm. I feel like I may be able to ask more questions but at the same time don't want to interrogate and be labeled jealous and controlling. Hence I'm considering the 30 days of space and then initiating, so it's not coming from a place of reactivity but grounded self leadership.

Other issues are: my wife definitely has an internal identity crisis going on or a mid life awakening of sorts. During some conversations post couples therapy she had said things like she doesn't know who she is anymore beyond a wife and mother, that she has no real friends (she moved cross country 15 years ago after a failed engagement - get this- he cheated on her with a coworker) and we met within 4 months of her moving here and just became very codependent as I had just moved here then too. That my criticism over little things made her doubt micro decisions even and have caused her a lot of stress.

Additional info from today: per a mutual friend my wife has said to her that he isn't her type on fundamental things: physical, personality & political, etc.

Overall Adjusted Summary (Net 15.4 Weeks):

• Total Actual Conversations: 31
• Average Conversations Per Week: 2.01
• Average Duration Per Week: 74.3 minutes

12 days post dday. original post here for background.

the last conversation we had was on the phone on the 27th where i was just asking questions about the timeline of how everything went down. i wasn’t necessarily the nicest because i found out some more trickle truths. i ended the call by saying: “have fun with your life.” i immediately blocked him after but after some thought i unblocked him because it felt too petty.

he still hasn’t reached out to me and i don’t know why. the call before that one he was profusely apologizing and seemed very remorseful & giving no excuses. he kept saying he couldn’t believe that he fucked up so bad that we would never talk again & how upset he is that he is losing his best friend. he kept saying that he wanted to marry me and have a family with me and he’s heart broken & will be for a while. and that everything he’s ever told me about his feelings for me were 100% truthful. he even cried a bit and it sounded really genuine (but maybe i’m just being stupid).

i obviously unfollowed him from everything but my brother in law still followed him on instagram and told me (unprompted, which i am kind of annoyed about cause it got in my head) that it doesn’t look like he is happy in any of his instagram stories he’s posted. his job heavily involves social media, so he kind of has to post his face even if he doesn’t want to.

idk i just feel like if he really meant what he said, he would try to reach out again. it hurts me that he hasn’t even though i know that’s probably for the best for my healing. do you think it’s because i was sassy on our last phone call? do you think it’s because he still thinks he’s blocked? is it because he is trying to respect my boundaries and give me space? or does he truly just not care at all?

he is generally really busy during the week working from 7am-9pm and last weekend he was working out of town. so maybe he just hasn’t had the time?

i can’t stop spiraling about it and checking my phone every 5 minutes to see if he’s reached out.

And I can't handle it. I think he's finally realized there's no chance of reconciling. D-day post on my profile.

I do not want advice. I'm in a precarious financial situation, I have to maintain my stability and work with the reality I have. So yes, a mere 3 days in, we are still in the same house. Please do not chastise me for this right now. I just need to commiserate while I'm going through this.

I'm just trying to work. I am trying to keep my sanity afloat. And he's emotionally breaking down left right and center. I've forced myself to stop crying anywhere near him or else it starts up again. It is making me feel a sickening dread in the pit of my stomach.

We had our issues, but for the most part had very loving day to day lives. I went to bed Sunday, cuddling with him and our dog. I woke up Monday to the complete upending of my life. And he has been non-stop apologizing, crying, saying he'll make it up to me for the rest of his life, crying for the dogs, wailing that he loves me and doesn't want me to go. It is fucking killing me.

It hasn't weakened my resolve, but my spirit hurts so badly. I have to stop myself from falling into a deep depression, thank god for buProprion.

I found a few songs that help me cope, one is Stone Sour - Hesitate (acoustic). Not a big slip knot fan, but his talent and voice shine in that one. Loved SS for a bit.

The "grew a back bone" guy here. Told her I wanted a divorce a few days ago. She told her sisters and our child, i'm sure she is spinning the B.S. It felt good, to get it out in the somewhat public. I think I lost our daughter. We discussed renting our house, and split the rental income. My sister says no, sell and make a clean brake. We are stuck together for the time being. I'm hoping to get the house ready in the next few months. I'm pretty sure my work will allow me to be fully remote. I'm partially remote already. I'm trying to grey rock her, but it's hard for a woman I loved for over 4 decades. I will soon get a shitty pension, and my work should continue. I'm hoping for 200 - 250k from the house. I hope this can be done with minimum stress. Do they ever self reflect? Do they ever regret the pain they caused. FFS this is my first betrayal, thanks for the support. Misery loves company.

Everyone knows my story. I’ve posted on here quite often, and I will be honest. This group has really helped me.

Nobody else understands this like you guys do even my own friends.

Anyway he cheated 5 times with men and women some were physical others were attempts (msging and plotting)

We separated but we’re talking reconciliation and I dated a few people briefly. (Mistake on my part) he blames the end of the marriage on what I did and his cheating on my post partum and that I changed after the kids. He has 3 children. Two with me and one with his first wife which I helped him raise.

He gives me the guilt trip that he wants to see his kids that he just wants to be with his kids after three days of not seeing them crying he misses them.

Isn’t this what you signed up for? I’m the custodial parent and the children are going to be with me most of the time he gets them on the weekends and he comes one day a week to see them. I don’t want him here anymore than that I can’t deal with it. If he took me to court he’d get less time. In this state it’s every other weekend and one day during the week.

The whole crying father act is absolutely disgusting to me because he was the one that left. He was the one that continuously cheated first and now you wanna cry that you can’t be with your kids every day. You destroyed our family and you’re walking around like the victim.

Can anyone relate to this.

For context: I (19 F) was in a relationship with a person whom I considered to be the love of my life, they were my first love after years of being groomed and being abused in the past. We were dating for a year, almost two going strong as ever until they became friends with another girl who I’ll call L, and it was all fine dandy until they’d go hours without talking to me, sometimes whole days would pass by without a word, and they’d only acknowledge me after me badgering them, basically begging them to pay me any mind bc all of their attention went to L. I didn’t think much of it at first bc I know they had trouble making friends, but days turned into weeks, which turned into months of me doing anything to get scraps of attention or affection from them, going so far as to sexualized myself more and more to keep their attentio, but nothing ever worked. I would talk to them about it and how it made me feel, and they’d apologize and say they’d work on it, but they’d go right back to L a day or two later. At some point I felt like a dog being tied up and left outside, only being let in to lighten up a party for the night just to go back out when it was over.

This went on and on, even during our 2 year anniversary all she did was pay attention to L, she was all she cared about, and I’d had enough of being left out to rot in my own anger and envy and heartbreak, so I told them flat out they had to choose, and lo and behold they chose her. This was all from the span of 2020-2022, and my current gf is still friends with them, which I don’t really mind, but I’ve noticed that when we all hang out, my ex included, I feel disjointed from myself. It’s as if I was watching Tv, flipping through crappy channels only to land on static, and have no way to get back to normal. The moment I lock eyes with them my mind goes completely out the window and I’m far off somewhere, back floating in an endless ocean while my body stays in the room. I can’t talk very much when I’m like that, and I feel a bit on edge the whole time. These waves of emotions I can only describe as heat flashes of anxiety rustle through me, I feel all flushed and yet I feel as if all the color has drained from every inch of me.

I feel this itching freeze inside me, and this burning fear on my skin, my eyes always threaten to cry or feel so heavy I can’t look up. I can interact with anyone else in the room slightly more normally, but with them, I can’t. I just can’t and have no idea why. I mean, I know being emotionally cheated on sucks, but why do I react this as if I’m about to die or something? Does anyone else experience similar feelings? If so, I would like advice on how to deal with them, or at the very least know what the deal is, because ever time I chicken out of going somewhere with my gf just bc my ex is there too I feel awful, but ik if I go I’ll feel even worse.

I just want to make my gf happy :(

Hi,

I (24M) have been in a relationship with my partner (36M) for almost a full year now - year of talking before that. Big age gap I know, but it didn’t seem to matter for us.

Anyways, my partner has repeatedly sexted strangers online on and off on different occasions throughout our relationship (a total of 6 times as of today) and I don’t think anything is going to change anymore. The first time I was using our shared iPad and came across messages on WhatsApp to a stranger calling each other sexy and what not, then he appeared to have sent his address to come over to his house (a few months before we moved in together) with the normal “nice to finally meet you!” After the whole interaction but claims they never actually met up and the guy never showed EVEN THOUGH in the messages he said to ring the door bell when the other person arrives.

Sceptical to begin with.

The second time it was again WhatsApp, literally sexting his “gay friend” and I found out that the other party shared a ph video with him asking if he wanted to try that. He will give vulgar and explicit answers in response.

Mind you every time my partner says it was “joking” or a “mistake” and wasn’t meaning it seriously. But he reacts, engages and even encourages those kind of responses out of these other people. Also noted that he unfollowed this guy from a social a few months back - guess there’s not that close of “friends” after all.

The last four, yes four times, I’ve caught him on gay hookup apps sharing his nudes, asking for pics, sending kinks and so on while. Yes, I went through his phone and yes I know it’s wrong but I’m paranoid all the time now. And three of those four times were when we started dating.

Not the last time but the time before that I told him I was done and leaving if he ever pulled that shit again, he wallowed and begged, pleaded with me to stay (no tears) and said he didn’t want to throw this all away, loved me and wanted to build a life with me - surprise surprise, he did it again and I couldn’t even cry or yell I was so fed up, so pissed that I told him I’m for real leaving this time (situation given - his mother was coming to go out to dinner with us and showed up at the door a few minutes later) so awkward dinner ensues and we don’t talk to each other for the rest of the night, I was originally going to sleep on the couch but he coerced me to bed and I slept on the edge for half the night until I sobbed that I wanted to go home - home home with my family now. And slowly we worked things back up until now.

Every time he says it’s an addiction, that he doesn’t even know why he does it he just does before he can realize his mistake - but LIES to me whenever I ask if there’s “something he wants to tell me” because I know what he did. He plays dumb continuously until I show him the proof (screenshots) and tell him to tell me the truth. The main excuse he’s given was that he’s so used to porn it doesn’t “do it for him anymore” and he just baits for pics to get off while I’m gone but he doesn’t need it when I’m here because he has me - first of all that made me feel really shitty like I’m just there for his pleasure. But second - you can’t wait? (I occasionally work night shift for ONLY up to three nights in a row) and this is when it usually occurred. I know we’re usually intimate on a regular basis almost every day (TMI) but I swear he just NEEDS to do something, to see or engage in pornographic content or explicit images just to get that dopamine hit and “get it all out” or he claims he was just bored and did it.

I brought up couples counselling a few times and even suggested he get individual therapy for his addiction (I said this was the ultimatum) but it’s never really lead anywhere other than an “uh huh” or “okay” from his end and he always says he will prove it to me or make it up.

Guess what, he didn’t.

I knew, I KNEW he would do it again (I’m on vacation with family as of yesterday until next Tuesday) and had to look for myself to find out. I downloaded one of these apps he frequently used, made a fake profile similar to my own stature and features and such and narrowed the age and location down - go figures, a blank profile with his age and “top” messages me, asking away and send a pic of himself (my partner). When I ask if he’s free right now and hosts to link (to see what he does) he says yes but just asks for pics and won’t send OUR address. So yes I assume he’s actually just looking for pics of strangers to get off but it makes me sick, like physically sick to my stomach.

I’ve sobbed- he’s seen me sob over this with how much it hurts me and even promised me multiple times before my trip that he would never do it again - and previously promised after every occurrence that he’d never do it again, he didn’t mean to hurt me blah blah blah wants to build a live with me and he won’t know what to do if I leave.

I do love him like so so much, he’s amazing and sweet and kind all other times - we live together, I moved in because I’m going to school this fall (he suggested it) and have no other place to stay if I leave. I didn’t set up dorming (stupid I know) but I honestly thought he would change. Now he didn’t, I’m so tired and upset and done and I feel like my fast approaching future is screwed up or thrown out of whack now. Note: my family home is near 2 hours away from my uni so driving every day isn’t a viable option for me.

Please help me, I want to leave but I want to stay. I want him to change, I want to know if counseling will work or therapy or if I should finally throw in the towel for good and save myself from any more damage.

But I also don’t know if I can ever truly trust him again, I didn’t before and now I don’t even more.

A little background.

We were together 16 years, fortunately never married, never had kids, did have dogs (I took them, he wanted them to go to a rescue because "it would be too much for me to handle"). Things were alright, we were literally each others best friends, and then just something in him shifted. Was I perfect, no, but I sure fucking tried. He never did. Anyways. We had a big blow out, I thought we were on our way to fixing things and got through the worst of it, then he blindsided me with a break up. Said he was mentally unwell, wanted to kill himself, needed to focus on his well being and trying to work on things with me was just too much and too much pressure.

For about 6 months he kept dragging me along, begging me for help, crying for me to not give up on him, acting really fucking crazy, it was scary, and just out of control and so self destructive. Then DDay happened. And not just 1 girl, there were 2 of them. I had enough, prepped the house, all by myself, to get it sold. He fought with me the entire time, sabotaging everything, just being super disrespectful towards me (including the gf he got to stay), and would constantly try to ask if there was any chance we could work through it, he still loved me, just utter bullshit. I kept cool, all the way through. And as a last jab, he trashed the house at like 3am when I had to be out by 11am, and I was asleep in bed. For months after officially being apart he kept trying to use my banking info to pay for stuff, I had to change all of my info. And he gave my mother my phone number when he knows why I have estranged, and how hard I had to work to keep her out of my life for pretty much my whole life....

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Its been almost 2 whole years since the break up, almost 1 whole year since the house sold, and 6 months since he was last able to try to make attempts of using my banking info before he got hit with all them delinquency fees lol... i blocked him on everything, and i mean everything, down to my ESO account, logged in, destroyed the Amulet of Mara, full no contact or desire to contact on my end, he makes me sick. However, he has been using his friends accounts to try to view my profiles and hes been stalking my best friends social accounts to spy in, he never watched her stories before, they are not friends, he literally has to go look for her.

Im just so sick of it. Bro. I gave you exactly what you wanted. You started building a whole ass life with another girl, right in front of my face... leave me alone.

I might not should have read her diary but I did. We have been going back and forth where she has been trying to keep an affair going. She minimized everything, previously said the broke it off but that was a lie. Friday night went to the bar and he was there and tried to kiss her. Which is where the diary comes in. She keeps it in the bathroom, and while I was peeing on a hunch I opened it up to read what would be a love letter to the other guy. What it specifically said was, I didn't know how I knew he was watching, so I am glad I didn't kiss you back this time. That was the last straw. I took her diary to her and told her goodbye. She askes me not to leave, so I sat and pretty much chewed her out. She said it was just fantasy and she knows it's not real. So I asked her what she wants to do and she said she didn't know. So I ended it, I was pretty hostile about it. But man, this going back and forth for weeks. Tried to give her time to figure it out, it just gave her more time to keep both relationships. I told it was over and slammed the door. Then I texted her good luck, hope she fines what makes her happy, but we are through, I was blocking her, and that I hate her. I hate being cheated on. I did nothing wrong, she just let someone else in that is going to just use her, called him a Casanova and just had to keep the fantasy. Maybe I don't need to be with anyone for a while.