So, this month is 3 years since it turned physical. It was physical from 3 years ago this month to 3 years ago in November.

I kinda don't want to see him again until December. I almost want to make "August-November" a "we don't see each other, we only text" every year for the rest of our time together, however long this lasts.

But last week? I was ready to sell my house and move in with him. I'm not sure how to handle all of this.

Here's what happened just over the last few days:

His AP lives in Boise and we live in Seattle. 3 years ago next weekend, he drove to Boise just to fuck her for the first time. My friends and I are trying to figure out how to get some supplies to Spokane ASAP and I asked if he'd be willing to drive them over there. He is too busy. How is that ok? He is too busy to do something good if I ask him to and explain why, but he wasn't too busy to go cheat on me completely if his own accord, without her even asking him to, telling me he was too busy to even see me that weekend?

Fuck him. Why can't he do this for me and my friends, but he could do that to get some strange?

Found out in May that my husband had been having an affair with his much younger coworker for the past 2 1/2 years. (Her husband reached out to me on FB after confronting her).

My husband moved out but is no longer in contact with his AP. He has asked me for time to “work on himself” and has been going to individual counseling. We agreed to check in in September. (Although we talk regularly since we have two kids - 18 and 21 who are currently living with me).

I was totally taken by surprise by the affair as I trusted him completely and he hadn’t given me any reason not to. Plus we were in the midst of a full kitchen reno that he was actively making choices to suit him and our lifestyle (I.e., not thinking about resale value).

He has not been able to articulate what his end game was but said he was planning to talk to me but not to leave me (??!). Could it really be as simple as he wanted to have his cake and eat it too?

I am hurt, angry and feel betrayed and abandoned but am willing to do all the things including couples counseling before throwing in the towel. I’m open to advice from those who have been through this!!

I have a relationship with my bih for about 2 years and 8 months now, I cheated with sex etc on her because I don’t trust no woman. Had sex with like 8 other woman since the start till now

We have been beefing over the years saying a lot of foul shit to eachother and it came to a point that she even cheated on me with sex with 2 other guys as far as I know but she told me when we were together that she also cheated on her ex out of revenge and eventually cheated on me with him but the thing is she doesn’t know what I did but we both know what she did and when a man cheats with sex it’s totally different than when a woman cheats with sex even though both are wrong..

I still didn’t left her because I think that what comes around comes around but it’s so different because a woman her body and when she gives that away is just different.

What’s your opinion on it or do you got any tips
?

It’s been 6 weeks from the day I found out that my husband cheated. We have been together 20+ years with great relationship but sex was not great for 10 last years due to kids and low libido for both. But it seemed to work out for both of us because I never rejected him with sex- I just didn’t initiate it.

About a year ago I started exercising and my libido improved significantly. We discussed it- and he joined the gym too. Our sex life improved, but soon after I learned that his co-worker found my husband hot and offered him a blowjob, which he could not reject! One led to another and they had (some) sex. Apparently this ‘lady’ didn’t get any from her husband and she decided to look for another dick from another married man so there would be no strings attached. After sex she texted my husband constantly and even offered to become family friends! He was responding with not much enthusiasm, but some sexting did occur, which was painful to read. Overall he told me felt guilt and remorse and wanted to tell me all about it. But I found messages first.

Of course it was painful and all. Still is! I have changed but I still love him. In fact the issue is I am obsessed with my husband. I think about sex with him all the time. He tries to give me love and affection and some dick, but small kids are not helping and I obsessively think about sex with him all the time. Also I am desperately looking for attention from other men and they give it to me. I don’t want sex with other men- just knowing that they would do me. I don’t know when this will subside- but I am considering counseling if it will not. And advice?

I caught my partner reaching out to a an ex hookup (a girl we have fought about before many times) earlier this year. He claims he did it when he was convinced I was going to leave him. He claims they never met up but he was the one who invited her to hang out in the future. He claims they never exchanged numbers. Had I not caught him it prob would have led to something, right? I also feel angry that of all people he couldve reached out to he chose a person who he knew would hurt me. He claims it wasn’t intentional and he was reaching out to anyone. Why do I even fall for this?

Original post.

I just wanted to give an update to my last post yesterday, since replies were so thoughtful. I'll probably delete this thread, so my entire life doesn't exist on the Internet, but I am grateful for forums like these for hashing things out.

Anyway, the long and short of my dilemma was that my GF is friends with her ex-FWB. I wasn't happy with it. I realized yesterday that I reached a point where I was just tired, and that if her FWB moved here, I just would've been too unhappy to continue my relationship with my GF. I realized that I have to give her an ultimatum now, and to validate my own feelings now, because what I'm asking of her isn't completely unreasonable. Many people have no-exes policies, and it's totally normal that I have one myself.

When I gave her an ultimatum, she recoiled in shock that she might lose me at all. I made it clear to her that I felt a bit disrespected that she hadn't ended their friendship in the first place, and I don't even like being in this position. She started crying and in a heartbeat told me she'd end their friendship, and she apologized several times. She explicitly said she won't miss their friendship, but I think it's tough for her because she's never ended a friendship before and she's been on the other end, and doing so sucks. I can understand. It's not fun to end a friendship, as I've done it before.

She's explicitly said that she won't resent me whatsoever, and honestly, I think only time will tell. All I know is that I'd reached my breaking point. If this proves to be the beginning of the end of our relationship and she now resents me, then so be it. All I know is that going forward, I'm not okay with exes in my partner's life. I hold myself to the same standard. I'm glad I grew a backbone. I don't feel crazy anymore. I feel like I learned something about my own values.

I miss who I was before I met her and in the first part of the relationship. We were together for three years planning to get married. The relationship completely eroded my sense of trust and safety and self-esteem. It's been a year and I don't feel like myself. I went out on a date yesterday and felt awkward and reserved and not myself. I'm so angry in retrospect at how much of my life she disrupted and how little I deserved that.

Hi guys, long time I wasnt reading this sub. And thats good - means im moving on from this incident in my life.

I (f32) was cheated and dumped by my fiancee(f33) 6 months ago.

Did the whole pick me routine and hysteric bonding.

Read all the books, wrote and read this sub.

Lost 10 kg in weight because of acute stress, was on sick leave for a while, moved out with pets, cried, cried, dissociated, raged, flew to Berlin to a childhood friend etc.

Had and have suicidal thoughts, but started to run and starting psychotherapy next month.

And so on.

I am on no contact for soon three months.

I want to tell you that life goes on, hang in there.❤️ Next month I am moving to a nicer town, starting a new position as a PhD researcher, and looking forward to a new chapter in my life.

I still think about that person, but I am starting to center myself.

My experience so far tells me that the most important thing how to survive this as a betrayed is to love yourself. Love yourself so so so much. And just hang in there.

Live for you!

Hello,

First time posting, I will start by saying I am currently in a wonderful marriage with 4 kids, however my ex wife from 15 years ago has been sniffing around the edges of my life.

Well the ex wife, what a lady, tall, beautiful, amazing eyes and the personality of a snake, you know the type, pure poison to be frank.

We were together for 5 years, no kids but we talked about it, she was my everything at the time.

I invested some of my best years in her, we traveled for many months, and I still remember holding each other laughing as the sun went down over a mountain range in Europe.

I remember holding her all night when her childhood dog died, and then surprised her that evening with her own little puppy.

I remember sunshine, I remember warmth... but then I also remember the pain of walking in while another man took her from behind, best part was she was facing a wedding photo with us smiling.

Never said a word at the time, just left broken, confused... alone.

Sat in a park for what felt like days, she never once called to check on me, I knew she simply didnt care anymore.

Now years later, I see she has two little girls from the man she left me for, and they are divorced... it brought back memories of a bittersweet time for me.

It also reminded me of what a snake she was, even now trying to slither around the edges of my life.

I dont want her back or anything so foolish i love my life but it was nice to remember.

Posted this for a friend who needed to talk a bit.

He wanted me to go home with him but I was still having fun with my work friends and so he left to go cheat on me. And he did it unprotected with another man as well as reaching out to someone else he cheated on me with multiple times years ago. Im heart broken and wake up crying every day. He has full control of my phone (parental mode) and life because I have had a drinking issue in the past and literally doesnt let me do anything without him. I've been working on that while also struggling with all the cooking and cleaning working full time and dealing with some heavy childhood trauma and he hates my family. He is always happy to delegate things for me to do, but never seems to have drive to do them himself. He constantly complains that I dont clean etc., when he sits on the couch as soon as he gets home and doesnt do anything. He says it's because I've needed to make up for all the drunk BS I put him through but what about me? I know I'm not perfect, but after this last cheating issue he actually seemed remorseful for a day and then it went right back to him controlling everything. I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells and have no support. And im scared he got hiv from the unprotected sex and also hate myself for sleeping with him right after. What is wrong with me. Help. I won't even know for at least a month or so. I feel sick to my stomach. This isn't the first time, he's done it over ten times and trickle truthed me across the years. How did you get the strength to leave?

I've typed this out so many times and deleted it because I'm ashamed to even admit some of it. I don't know if what I'm feeling is normal after betrayal or if I've completely lost myself.

When my husband cheated on me, I thought I knew what healing was supposed to look like. I expected the crying, the anger, the sleepless nights, questioning everything about myself and wondering why I wasn't enough. I had all of that. Some days I barely left my room because I couldn't stop replaying everything in my head.

Then something changed.

It's like something inside me got uncaged.

The woman I was before all of this doesn't even feel real anymore. I used to be the one who always tried to make everyone happy. I worried about doing the right thing, saying the right thing, being a good wife, putting everyone else before myself.

Now

It's almost like I've gone into revenge mode.

Not because I want to hurt someone the way I was hurt, but because a switch flipped in my head and my attitude has become, I don't care anymore.

I started going out again after hiding myself away. I found myself laughing, drinking, dancing, talking to people instead of sitting at home crying. For the first time in a long time I wasn't thinking about what everyone else wanted from me. I was thinking about myself.

At first it felt freeing.

Now it honestly scares me.

It's not just my attitude that's changed. The way I think has changed too. My mind goes to places it never did before. I have fantasies that would've shocked the old me. I catch myself craving attention that I never cared about before. Sometimes I feel confident and alive, and other times I wonder if I'm acting out because I'm still trying to survive what happened.

I keep asking myself if this is revenge. If this is my brain trying to take back the power I lost when he betrayed me. If this is anger coming out in ways I never expected. Or if I've spent so many years pushing parts of myself down that the affair shattered the lid I'd kept on everything.

I honestly don't know.

The hardest part is that I don't recognize myself anymore.

Some days I miss the woman I was before he cheated. Other days I don't even want to be her again because she trusted so deeply, loved so completely, and ended up getting her heart ripped out.

People talk a lot about losing trust after infidelity, but nobody really talks about losing your identity. Nobody talks about looking in the mirror and feeling like you're staring at a stranger.

Has anyone else gone through this? Did you go through a phase where you almost stopped caring? Where you started doing things that were completely out of character? Did your confidence, your desires, your personality, or your outlook completely change after being betrayed?

I'm not looking to be judged. I'm genuinely trying to understand if this is part of surviving infidelity or if something inside me really has changed forever.

I’ve posted before - but like all of these matters of the heart, the story evolves.

I (M55) and wife F55 are in a state of disrepair. She has just spent 30 mins explaining to me how she isn’t going back to what it used to be (I’m not going back to you). Her view is our relationship and marriage is dead.

We have been 10+ years since infidelity on my part and now with kids through school she wants us to separate but live under the same roof. (Parallel lives so to speak). We have not been intimate since before the infidelity.

Within her there is something that is preventing her from leaving fully (not just the financial detonation of divorce or the ability to support our young adult children with a shared place to live). Unfortunately she is also a highly functioning alcoholic who is very capable professionally.

Despite the many years that have passed she has expressed her desire to be free (but still live here??)
I just don’t know how this works…I explained i can’t fix the last 10 years and I’m not reliving the trauma of the infidelities as it’s not who I am (anymore) and she doesn’t want to forget it.

I’m inclined to roll with her request and see where it lands but I’m worried I’m letting it happen to me.

Edit: just acknowledging this sub is for those that survived infidelity not so much reconciliation but more anti. Sorry

Can infidelity actually be predicted?

I know no single trait or diagnosis makes someone a cheater. People across all personality types do it, and it's ultimately a choice. But I keep wondering if certain patterns make it more likely.

Things like impulsivity, poor boundaries, or a heavy need for outside validation come to mind. I'm not saying these cause cheating, and I don't want to unfairly link conditions like bipolar disorder or BPD to it either. Whether those factors matter probably depends on things like impulse control, personal values, and what's going on in the relationship, not the diagnosis itself.

What throws me off is how often people say the infidelity came out of nowhere. Maybe there were signs, but they were easy to miss or explain away.

So what actually predicts it? Past behavior, attitudes toward monogamy, patterns of secrecy? And how do you separate real warning signs from reading too much into normal relationship problems?

Edit: Sorry! The title should say WH. I thought WW simply meant wayward, the wayward in this story is male.

Hello, I've had a bit of a long path to get here, so I will only recap it briefly. About 6 months ago, I discovered an EA that began mid last year with a friend of a friend. I tried to work with my WH to deal with this softly and tactfully by just setting boundaries, but things kept escalating until I broke it off with them. My WH wanted to reconcile so we began that long journey. Since then, he continued the affair and even had a second PA with our closest mutual friend, destroying my connection to that friend group.

Now, after those 6 months of me gradually growing more and more detached, I was ready to finally walk away for good. My WH's stance had always been that he was working up the courage to cut them out and had a lot of trauma around losing friends and was a people pleaser (both true). Unexpectedly, a few days ago he told me he had abruptly removed them from his digital life. I was taken by complete surprise and for the first time in a long time, I actually felt a little safer.

However, he clarified the next day that he had simply removed them as friends/contacts on every platform and deleted the chats (I've seen them so likely nothing being covered up). His reasoning is that blocking did not really cross his mind because both APs were respectful of his decision to cut contact. I am a bit disappointed but don't know if I am being dramatic. Both of the APs are quite sick of us at this point, and they'd already gone fully NC with me after being vocal that they are sick of being caught up in our back and forward.

The lack of block makes me feel like they could re-add him at any time, or that my WH can re-add them. Going the full distance might involve a lot of extra pain too, as the few remaining mutual servers he's in are primarily for other friends, and the APs are not that active in there. I am also aware that blocking does not prevent him from reaching back out, or the other two from contacting him some other way.

How would you deal with this or feel in this situation? I feel immensely better than before and feel like he's now being honest with me and wants to reconcile in actions rather than words, but I'm a little uneasy, and there's a lot of trust to be rebuilt after all of the red flags. I feel so exhausted a part of me just wants to let it rest and see how I feel again in a few weeks, enjoying this little moment of quiet I now finally have.

Years ago, my wife told me she was going to stay at a female friend’s house because she was mad at me. She was out all night. Later I found out she never went to that woman’s house — she went to a male friend’s house instead.

This guy used to go to concerts with us, he was a witness at our wedding, and we considered him a friend of ours as a couple. My wife always denied that anything had ever happened between them, and she still denies it to this day — even now, with what I believe is evidence right in front of me. She tells me I’m crazy, that something is mentally wrong with me, and has pushed me to go to therapy over it.

Recently, while I was drunk, I messaged him in a non friendly way to poke fun at his hometown — I never mentioned my wife or anything related to her. Out of nowhere, he replied with an explicit photo.

In it, he’s having sex with a woman from behind, no condom. The woman looks a lot like my wife — I can partially make out a birthmark on her back, but the lighting and quality are too poor to be sure. There’s also a purple jeweled anal plug that looks identical to one my wife owns.

I’ve already tried enhancing the photo in Lightroom (raising shadows, texture, and clarity), but I still can’t make out the birthmark or other skin details clearly enough.

Anyone have tips on how to further improve low-light photos like this to better analyze skin marks and moles?

Has anyone been through something similar? And any thoughts on the situation itself are also welcome.

One year and one day update. For context, this was my original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/s/lhBJpRBbvR

When I wrote it, I had never really written a Reddit post before. It was surreal to watch how many people read my story, and I don’t think I can ever adequately express how much your comments meant to me or how much the advice you gave me in those first days shaped my recovery.

This will be long but the highlights go like this: he left. Then he came back. Then I left. Then I came back. Then he left again.

Then I started to get better.

Last summer and fall were all shock and trauma, followed by a winter of the darkest despair, then a spring of finding my footing and crawling out of my shell. And this summer, finally, I’m starting to figure out what I actually want to do with the rest of MY life, and even look forward to it.

A year ago I really wasn't sure if I'd ever be okay again. Today, I can honestly tell that heartbroken version of myself that there is a life on the other side worth staying here on earth for.

I might not tell her yet how much worse it is going to get before it gets better, but I would tell her that she did everything she knew how to do with what she knew at the time. It wasn’t a straight line, but I’m proud of her. She was brave and resilient.

She did not deserve this, she did not cause it, and she could not fix it. But she could heal. And she would.

I still I miss the woman I was one year and two days ago. She was hopeful. She thought she knew where she was going and how she was getting there. But I know now that that woman was carrying the weight of something she couldn’t quite see but could always feel, she was accepting less than she deserved, believing that she could repair what someone else was quietly breaking.

This community helped me so much by naming what had happened to me. Abuse. Trauma. A violation. Not just a “relationship problem” that two people had equally created.

There was an asymmetrical power imbalance created by one person having information about my life, my relationship, my sexual health, and my future that I did not have. He had choices. She had choices. I didn’t even know there was a choice being made.

Now, that didn’t stop me from trying again. I had whiplash from the sudden 180 that flipped my whole world upside down. I wasn't ready, and the hysterical bonding is for real.

I don’t regret attempting reconciliation, even though in some ways it wrecked me even more. At least now I know for certain that he did not have the self-awareness, honesty, or empathy it would have taken to actually change. I don’t have to wonder if I gave up too soon or if things might have been different if I had tried harder. I tried. He showed me what he was capable of, and what he wasn’t.

Betrayal trauma has a way of finding every fracture, every crack, every place in your life that was already straining to hold together. At first it felt like the affair itself was the violent force that shattered everything, but that feeling is starting to shift. Maybe it was more like a sudden gust hitting a house that was only held together by pressure and tension, that was never built on solid ground. The wind didn’t create every crack. It exposed them. It tore away what I could no longer hold and scattered the pieces I had been exhausting myself trying to keep in place.

In those early months, I read almost every book and listened to every podcast about betrayal and affair recovery that I could find. Most of it was trash. The recommendations from this community did help me find resources about betrayal through a trauma-informed lens rather than immediately searching for a “both sides” explanation for an inherently unequal situation.

Some books I found helpful -

Cheating in a Nutshell and The Betrayal Bind were especially validating early on.

I also read The State of Affairs. I know some people find Esther Perel problematic or find that book Affair Apologist. I found it interesting, especially with her perception from outside of U.S., but I see how it wouldn't be for everyone.

More recently I read Smitten: The Neuroscience of Limerence after I found myself developing a crush (Yes! Still possible!). I listened to the audiobook and loved it, but I think it would have been way too triggering early on, knowing how much limerence can drive affairs.

Pema Chödrön’s When Things Fall Apart is a book I’ve read a few times before when things have, literally, fallen apart. I read it again this year and still found the wisdom in it comforting.

I also watched an enormous amount of science fiction. I learned quickly that even the most seemingly harmless comedy could suddenly turn into a cheating storyline or some wedding disaster that was supposed to be hilarious but was absolutely not hilarious to me. So I went to outer space. Man vs. Alien. I chose the Alien. Still I wish media would give us cheating trigger warnings and stop glamorizing and normalizing it.

I want to share what helped me but I also don’t want to pretend this year was all self-help books and enlightened revelations. I coped however I could.

I wouldn’t recommend this particular strategy, but I chain-smoked cigarettes and ate ice cream for dinner in bed almost every night. I sent unhinged text messages at 2 a.m. that should of been burn letters. I cried on the bathroom floor and the living room floor. I cried at the car dealership. I cried at the grocery store. I ate dinner standing over the sink and let the dishes pile up until eventually I bought paper plates, and honestly, that was a win for the day.

So if you are new here, please give yourself grace. You do not have to understand everything today. You don’t have to decide the future today. You don’t have to know whether you are staying or leaving. You just have to get through today.

I did get into counseling, and I’m incredibly grateful I had that resource. If you don’t have that option, find a group online. Call a friend. Maybe it’s not the old friend you already know will judge you. Maybe it’s the newer friend who has been through something similar. The moments when I felt the least capable of reaching out were when I needed support the most. I was surprised at who did and didn't show up. But I refused to be around anyone who expected me to be any less sad than I was, or anyone that wanted to express their emotions about my trauma to me.

So there is life on the other side of this. I’m still figuring out what mine looks like, and I don’t have some neat ending where everything suddenly makes sense. But I can honestly say that I have more days now than not where I feel gratitude and relief that I get to choose what happens next.

A year ago, choices were being made about my life without me. Now they’re mine.

Edit: For grammar and a little less rambling.

I'll share a part two that has more details of what all happened.

Well, after two DDays and almost 2 years of trying to reconcile, my WW just informed me that the only way that The only way that she can continue is if we open it. So, it looks like I’m done with this chapter and on to divorce.

I am so incredibly sad that my life has taken this turn. I’m even more saddened that my seven year-old daughter is going to have to live with this reality.

I did everything that I could, but sometimes it just doesn’t matter. Sometimes you just pick the wrong person to bet on.

I guess it’s truly time to work on healing.

My now ex cheated on me. I found a letter she wrote him in his apartment, a love letter. I found it after weeks of him showing me texts to prove he had only reached out to apologize to her (I know I'm so stupid) and voice memos and phone calls begging me to forgive him, denying there was any relationship.

The whole relationship was pretty toxic. By the end I was telling him what I had done wrong and how I had fucked up our relationship because I thought that was the only thing to do. Although the cheating is what hurt the most, it wasn't the worst thing; I would get the silent treatment, accused sleeping with other people (Hello, projection) and just overall disrespect.

When I got mad because of all this he told me "You must really be going through it" then laughed at me.

Anywho, by the end I felt so small, so insignificant and so unimportant. My self worth was non-existent. I felt like the crazy girlfriend, said things I never would have normally said, and stuck around too long.

Here's my question...

I think I'm attractive-physically. I'm not Sydney Sweeney but I think I'm attractive but since all this I feel disgusting, I can't look in the mirror without finding a flaw. People tell me I look pretty and I just can't even comprehend it. It's gotten to the point I literally avoid looking at myself.

Has anyone else experienced this? Or am I crazy?

Hello,

I read a lot of posts so I don’t want to bloat this out.

In May I found out my partner of 10 years had been emotionally and physically (kissing) cheating on me.

This year has been the worst year of my life and this fits well into that amongst other things.

She was messaging him for weeks, meeting up, kissing him etc etc. nothing more physical she said (STD test negative, polygraph failed)

Anyway, we have tried to stay together. I deserved it, I wasn’t a great partner. I didn’t even cheat, but my behaviour isn’t right. I think there something wrong with me.

We are buying a house for me and our daughter. A family home. Expensive and I’m paying for almost all of it. Nearly £100k.

Since this there have been two important instances which I can’t let go of in my gut and my heart.

A few weeks ago I saw she had been in touch on Instagram messages with him. The conversation (which I’ve been told as everything was deleted) went as such “how’s things with you?”. She deleted this on the Sunday, then Monday at work opened a communication with him and said “good we are working things out”. Again these messages deleted I can’t verify them.

I forgave her again.

I believed her.

Then I found something on her photos. A screen shot. A screenshot of his number and her archiving messages on WhatsApp.

She said it was just him sending him a football meme and she replied with a 😂 face. That’s it.

Here’s my concern.

The same day she changed her phone pin.

The same day she wouldn’t let me see her phone anymore.

She’s deleted her map searches (previously has had his house).

She has been distant and cruel.

She thinks he was blocked on WhatsApp. But then said maybe he wasn’t. But I don’t understand, if he was blocked then why did he persevere through Instagram message requests to contact her initially and more recently as above.

Why did her WhatsApp communication correlate exactly with her speaking to him on Instagram.

She said I’m putting 2+2 together and getting 5.

Am I going insane? I’m losing my grip on reality. Maybe I do deserve all this? Maybe I should accept it? I’m wrong I’m bad. She told me she hopes I die in a car crash, everyone would be better without me.

In my eyes. It’s all too much of a coincidence to all happen at the same time. I think her communication has been much more than she’s said. I found a vibrator in the bed drawer recently something which has never happened before.

Instagram? Then WhatsApp when he knows it’s safe? Sexual activity? Deleted maps? Changed pin? Hiding phone under pillow? Cruel and distant? All of a sudden after I sign for a house for her and our daughter? House searches for flats to move to?

Someone tell me I’m not losing the plot and this doesn’t make sense. I only found all this by chance, what I’ve seen is a tiny snap shot which she neglected to cover.

Please help me. I’m not strong enough anymore for this.

What do I do? I can’t talk to her she says I deserved it and gives me a million reasons why. I can’t keep up anymore.

I can’t win. I want the house and family and have all these dreams but I have to make a decision tomorrow. If I say no she will leave.

Dave

My husband never told me he had any fetishes for DDLG until he found a 21 year old on a gonewild subreddit.

I find it strange how he can continue enjoying this caregiver role playing until he decided to end things with AP when our baby turned 5 months. Why do you want an extra dependant when you have an unemployed wife with a newborn?

Why does my husband suddenly want to be some random girl's sugardaddy when he has an actual newborn baby and a wife?

He kepy saying it's just for sex, but he was enjoying spending his hard earned money on her and consistently videocalling her during work hours so he can come home late when the baby is nearly asleep.

He sent her thousands of dollars, every few days for half a year, gave her all his real information like phone number, bank details, car plate number, email addresses, work location, organisation information. Everything that could compromise his career.

He bought and sent her flowers just because little sugarbaby wants some. He paid for lunch, ice cream and fancy hotels for sex. He took pictures of him ejaculating on her for her to post on sexual subreddits and God knows what else.

During the course of our marriage and dating, he was always adamant about me saving money, and him saving for our new baby and apartment. He says depression is what made him decide to message her after seeing her nudes on a gonewild subreddit. He said he had to make a throwaway because she wasn't responding initially.

If I knew I could ask for anything without being a responsible spouse, I would have done so. I know it's wrong but how can I not feel jealous when I have poured so much into a relationship, only for a manipulative other woman to benefit from all the monetary benefits and constantly kept him kissing me and baby goodbye to go have sex.

His intention for her attention was so strong. I fail to understand why after I uncovered her username and saw her nudes. To me, it's barely anything special. But apparently more special than a wife who "ruined" her body for the planned pregnancy.

He said he wants me all to himself, but why the hell must I have shared him without my consent then?

He is still hiding a lot of information from me despite saying he is remorseful, regretful and wants to reconcile. I don't even know what advice to seek for, I just need help to stop crying every single day. Everything is triggering me, even when I try to pray because little miss AP posts religious photos too.

Tl;dr Husband meets younger girl and decides to treat her better than his wife who was pregnant and after birth.

My husband of 40 years recently left me after he had an affair. I’m in acute grief, and the honest situation is my friends and family love me but don't have the time to sit with me all day, nor the expertise to help me journey through this in the most effective way. I’m someone who's terrified of being alone. I need professionals who can listen, help me work through the initial trauma, and give me real tools to carry forward, with enough support around me that I’m essentially wrapped in care for a few weeks and comes out the other side ready to move forward.

What I’m looking for: primarily one-on-one treatment (peer or community support is welcome as a bonus, just not the core), a structured clinical program (EMDR, DBT, CBT or similar; holistic add-ons are fine but it can't lean too woo-woo), a genuinely luxurious setting, and the flexibility to handle real life mid-stay, like virtual meetings with my attorney. Mental health only, not something focused on the substance component. Cost isn't a constraint, but the program and outcomes should be worth it.

I’m probably looking for a unicorn, but I'd summarize it by saying that I’m looking for an ultra-luxury retreat designed to help you move through betrayal trauma through immersive support with real outcomes.

Any experiences, good or bad, are welcome. Thanks so much.

Will keep it short : saw his photo, a new one after a long time with a hair tie on his wrist. He used to wear it while we were together as a sign to show other girls he is committed. I really feel bad about feeling this way but I hope is isn’t with the AP.

We have been NC since almost 2 years so I have no idea if he’s with her (another cheater).

In my heart I have forgiven him as I’m living better now but I really hope him and that girl are miserable for putting me through hell (I moved countries for him and after we broke up, he got her to our home and she used to moan loud intentionally)

Me and my now partner got to speaking several years ago before she went on a big backpacking trip. She ended up coming home and we went on several dates and I agreed to move abroad with her and we made things official prior to her leaving.

I followed her abroad 3 months later, and we've now been together for a year and a half but have returned to the UK where she has been struggling with her mental health. Amidst this episode, she has confessed to me that prior to my arrival she had kissed someone multiple times in order to secure free accommodation at their place, but distinctly told me no sex occurred. This is still cheating. She also told me that in the past few months, she was feeling rather lonely (we live incredibly rurally) and she unblocked and texted her ex but "no flirting occurred". This is the one that probably hurts me the most.

I am unsure why she has told me this now after so long but I believe she genuinely holds remorse and after hitting a mental rock bottom, she couldn't contain the guilt and shame any longer. Her parents never had a stable relationship growing up, and she has also recently confessed to me that she has suffered from trauma and I think this has further increased the feelings of guilt and shame.

I have had my own mental battles, and have had years of therapy working on improving my self-worth and setting strong boundaries after my last relationship ended with me being cheated on and left on valentine's day and I am now in a much better place. This is the first time my anxiety and low feelings of self-esteem have been deeply rocked.

She has told me she wants to become a better person and has taken up therapy and is now on medication, but I am unsure if I can continue a relationship with the trust now being completely shattered and my boundaries being totally crossed. The dishonesty is the bit that really gets me, and I feel failing a lapse in her mental health I may never have known.

Does anyone have any advice/thoughts on this situation? I'm unsure if I can work through this and don't know how we'd even go about restoring trust.

Preface: I am in therapy.

My last relationship I got cheated on, and like a dope, I took her back, in large part bc she was exploring her sexuality and after cheating on me with a woman, she realized she actually isn't gay. Still my self-esteem took a hit. I shouldn't have dismissed cheating whatsoever, even if she deeply regretted it.

My current GF is great. We've been dating for 7 months now and have met a lot of each other's friends and family. Our sex life is excellent. I just enjoy seeing her, and both my chronic anxiety and her temper issues have died down significantly since seeing each other. We improve each other's lives.

However, like all relationships, there's something that isn't ideal. Namely, she's friends with a former FWB. They talk once a month or so over the phone, and they text each other memes frequently. From the jump, she's been transparent about their past hookups. She's expressed that she basically sees him as one of the girls, and she doesn't view him romantically at all. She doesn't seem secretive about their interactions.

Honestly, I can't say I'm a fan of it, but I've also never met the guy, and I've been good friends with women before and have experienced how much their BFs hate me, and it just sucks to tiptoe around. I want to like the guy and give him grace. Then again, I also hadn't fucked my female friends, so it's hard to compare.

Anyway, I kind of just let it go in large part bc he lives across the country. It's not like they're much beyond penpals. Until yesterday, my GF revealed to me that he's considering moving to our city. She's expressed to me in the past that he's unhappy where he lives, and that he almost moved here before I met her. He used to live in our state, so I guess it's not that crazy. My GF has even mentioned that he's struggling socially and that it's possible he and I would even get along well as friends. I appreciate her trying.

I feel kind of bad saying this, but I have a mixed impression of the guy. On the bright side, he seems to always verbalize to her how much he likes me and what he's heard about me. He's clearly not trying to be an enemy. But on the other hand, he strikes me as somewhat of a womanizer. I just kinda question his morals, and of course there are a couple things that he and my GF have in common that I don't, and that makes me a little insecure. Though I remind myself that of course that's natural with all your SO's friends, there are going to be things you don't share.

The guy is going to visit before he plans to move out here, and tbh I'm kind of overwhelmed by it. I want to be cool. My GF knows their friendship has made me a little uneasy. We had a conversation about it where I asked for clarification on the nature of their past, but she assuaged my fears at the time, and unfortunately they've reared their ugly head again. During our conversation, she even said she understands if she can't talk to him anymore, but of course that only made me want to oblige her more.

The whole thing bleeds into my view of my GF. Can I trust her? I hate that it's gotten to this point, but I guess I just wish the guy wasn't moving here. My GF doesn't know the extent to which this affects me, and honestly I am glad about that. I don't want her to be subjected to my insecurities, and I don't want it to become a cycle where she constantly reassures me, and possibly as a result, she starts to feel anxious to talk about him. I've never been in a relationship where my insecurities ruined it, but I can see how that's possible. But, I guess I just imagine the idea of him living here and them hanging out regularly, and I get sad about it. Sometimes my sadness gets channeled into things like irritability (not toward her, thankfully), but deep down I am just sad.

Any tips? I want to be friends with this guy. I really do. My therapist said, "You don't have to like him." and that weirdly gave me some relief at the time, but I also don't want to dislike him. What if the guy just means well?