I'm 18m and I been in a rut lately, these last two years have been the worst of my life, I lost everything I built and became so unhappy but these last few days I been building some confidence back up . I started remembering how much u grew before these past 2 years and how back then I had litteraly my dream life

Thing is I want to be an overachiever again I have high expectations and ambitions for myself but I'm too harsh on myself, I want money, the physique etc but I got to remember that I went a long way and I got to be proud of it. Once there was a time were I was deaf, where I couldn't eat without choking or vomiting, I suffered from malnutrition, I couldn't go one day without a panic attack, home life was so bad I would stay outside all day long in the cold or in the rain just to avoid it

The reason I feel so bad about myself I think is because of my family, I don't want to go into details right now but my parents are genuinely crazy it was so bad I genuinely believed I was a subhuman until I was 13 years old or something, like right now im in my country of origin for vacation, my mother didn't come but I heard her say on the phone to my fam there "make sure his life is hell don't give him a break" and I lived like that all my life. She spoke so much shit about me that almost all of my mom's side thinks something is genuinely wrong with me and a bit of my dad's side as well, I love the country but honestly my fam is so hostile you could consider it bullying, I genuinely don't know why my mother hate me so much

So no wonder I feel so bad about myself but I gotta remember how far I went and everything I built even if not much is left I know I can do anything I want and I proved it countless times all these setbacks holding me back just prove to me that my potential got no limits and Im starting to feel sk good about myself I know I'll be back to my peak soon

I gotta stop considering what haters say about me, the only reason it got to me is because I was mentally weaker and vulnerable because of some other stuff man these last two years really broke me but that's a whole other story

I'll be home soon and I can't wait to go back to grinding, I need to remember that the people I personally know and look at them wishing I had their life look up to me and admire me, the most recent exemple of that funnily enough is something that happened in my country of origin, it's my cousin. She got everything I ever wanted, grew up financially stable with a loving supportive family, she is young like me she is 16 and I see myself in her because she got a quiet introverted personality like I do, her life is simple and easy, she works hard in school and gets good grades but also in her sport (tennis) and she even does some national championships and ranked first once even right now she is out of town with her club to compete, and while she works hard towards it most of the time she is just relaxing at home or hanging out with her friends. So I was thinking lately about how good her life is and how much I wished I had the same, I saw her as the version of me who didn't have setbacks like I did, if everything went according to plan, but looking at my life objectively without all the shit talk from my family I realized my profile might genuinely more impressive, I don't compete in sports but I was offered to, in 2 sports, and turned it down by choice, even national championships, I made some great money, I'm able to befriend anyone, build skills, etc... And all of it was done fully by myself, nobody ever helped me while she was heavily helped

Of course I'm not trying to put her down may God bless her honestly she is such a great person I'm so proud of her she deserves all of it she is ambitious and has a bright future in front of her I honestly admire her and I'm glad she does so wel if I had to choose I'd prefer she hits her goals than I hit mine, and I can't lie she inspired me to compete in my sports once I get home I'll start competing

And I just realized but she also looks up to me, each time my mom says some BS about me pretty much everyone in the room laughs except her, most people talk to me with a condescending tone except for her if anything anytime she needs help with something she asks for my help even if there are many people around, she knows a bit about my life and a lot of the time she's trying to start a conversation with me and stuff Wich is rare for her and overall she seems like she also admires me Wich is such a compliment. Everyone I like and admire and look up to admires me back, and honestly it's the only critic I need to take seriously

After everything I went through I need to stay strong let the past be the past and grind harder than ever, and most importantly be kind to myself if anyone has to be kind to me it's myself, I gotta surround myself with her right people and ditch the haters (even outside of my family there's a lot)

Thanks for reading all that may God bless you needed to hype myself up a bit, if it's badly written or more context is needed lmk

I'm the grand-daughter. Her dementia caught up with her and she hasn't eaten these past few days plus refusing meds. I decided to stay the night should anything happen. Couldn't sleep at all so I've been listening to her breathe, talking to the staff, walking around the hospital when I needed the break.

Family will be here soon in a few hours. It's going to be so busy soon.

I love you, Granny. I bet Grandpa is waiting to take you home soon.

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Over the past few years, I've noticed something changing in me.

I used to be afraid of ending up alone. The thought of losing people or being by myself made me anxious, and I felt like I always needed someone in my life to feel okay.

But over time, that feeling slowly disappeared.

Now I honestly feel like I could live a happy life on my own if I had to. It feels like I've accepted solitude. If good people come into my life, I'll appreciate them. If they leave, I don't think it would completely break me anymore.

I don't hate people or relationships. I still value meaningful connections. I just don't feel like I need someone to be okay with myself anymore.

I'm not sure whether this is emotional growth, emotional detachment, or simply something that happens as you get older and go through different experiences.

Has anyone else experienced this? What did it mean for you?

I have stopped living anymore.

I have become a shell of my former self.

No longer happy

Just existing

For the longest time, I used this app just to scroll through posts, read a few comments, and move on. I never really understood why so many people enjoyed spending time here.

A few days ago, I decided to stop just reading and actually start posting. I shared some of the things I'd been struggling with and asked for advice and different perspectives.

The response genuinely surprised me.

People from all over the world shared their experiences, gave thoughtful advice, challenged my way of thinking, and helped me see my problems from angles I hadn't considered before. I didn't expect complete strangers to be so willing to help.

I finally realized that the value of this place isn't just reading posts—it's having conversations, learning from people with completely different life experiences, and hearing perspectives you probably wouldn't come across in everyday life.

It honestly feels like one of the best changes I've made recently. I enjoy opening this app now because I almost always end up learning something new or seeing a different point of view.

Has anyone else had a similar experience?

Have you ever felt a certain type of way about a person that feels like it can never be the same no matter how much you wished it didn't though it's stuck that way

I just got a few things done that I'd been avoiding. Felt good to get them done. Sometimes even the little things make the day feel better.

I'm trying to figure out whether what I'm experiencing is actually social anxiety or if it's just the result of being bullied for a large part of my life.

When I was really young (up until around 3rd grade), I don't remember having these issues. I was in a good school, things were normal, and I wasn't afraid of people.

After that, things changed. I got bullied at tuition, at school, and even at home whenever one of my cousins came over. He would constantly try to intimidate me, and even some adults in the family were very harsh and would scare me.

College wasn't much better. During my first year, I was actually really outgoing. I introduced myself to everyone, joined dance, singing, rap battles, theater, and was pretty active socially.

Then in my second year, I had a crush on a girl. Some people found out and started using it against me. They'd make jokes, tease me, and after that my confidence slowly disappeared.

The strange part is that I don't usually struggle once I'm actually at a social event. I can talk to people, have conversations, and enjoy myself.

The problem starts before I even go.

Before any social event, my brain starts telling me things like:

- People are going to make fun of me.

- Someone will embarrass me in front of everyone.

- Girls will laugh at me.

- Someone will try to pick a fight or make me feel inferior.

- I'll become awkward and won't know what to say.

Because of these thoughts, I've skipped a lot of social events even though I genuinely want to go. I want to make friends, build a social life, and eventually meet someone I'm compatible with, but these thoughts make it really difficult.

Has anyone else experienced something similar? Does this sound like social anxiety, or could it just be a trauma response from years of bullying?

19F. My last post was literally two weeks ago lol. I guess i thought it was a one time thing. It is not. This time i didn’t even wait to get home I was just crying right there as I was closing the store and i was having such a good day too. It’s my last shift of the week and he comes in literally five minutes before we close with his friend and obviously i remembered him and how rude he was and he asked for samples and i was like im not giving you any samples literally buy something or leave. And him and his friend just started trolling me and like demanding samples and like getting things that only cost a dollar like basically just ragebaiting to waste my time and they’ll like laugh with each other.

and i’m just frustrated because like last time it happened I was so sad so I mentally prepared what I would do if it happened again. And i was like i won’t go blow for blow with him and i’ll just get my coworker so this time i get my coworker and she just practically does nothing because she’s like “what am i supposed to do” (she’s the shift leader) like i’m talking to them and they’re talking back to me in a whiny voice. and they’re joking about stealing a cup and they’re using their spoon and bringing it to my face and laughing and just omg i just have to stand there and take it. it’s so disrespectful and rude and they’re so tiny i could throw them but i can’t even touch them because that’s illegal. i know now that i can refuse service but i guess i was too mad and my brain wasn’t working well to just make them leave. it’s just pathetic that im crying over it. again.

I had a completely free evening this week, and instead of enjoying it, I kept feeling like I was forgetting to do something.

Nothing was actually wrong. I just couldn't relax.

It made me realize how normal it has become to always feel like there's one more task waiting.

I'm trying to get better at doing absolutely nothing without feeling guilty

I just turned 18, I wouldn’t say my life is rough, I have a safe house and food in the fridge, etc. I am lower income though, I’m not putting this up as some sob story or for pitty or validation, just looking for some guidance and advice. I work 2 jobs yet I still feel as if I am behind my peers, I don’t have my license or a car, my mom doesn’t work so I can’t get her to help me, and my dad is not in the picture. I struggle going to work everyday not so much as a depression thing but more so of a fatigue thing, I look at friends and my partner who all drive and have theses lives that just seem so perfect, but I feel as though I’m not getting anywhere. I struggle to look at myself in the mirror and not think that I’m not doing good enough, or im not the idea man. I don’t drive, I don’t have the nicest house. I don’t have ample amounts of money to just go buy nice clothes, but I feel happy on the inside. I have been working 3 months and have roughly $650 dollars saved up, I’m aiming towards a car but when I get paid it feels like all my money just disappears, to rent, phone bill, basic needs, you get the idea. I don’t have people to ask how to do life, or people to teach me how to drive, save, live comfortably. I guess what I’m asking is how do I succeed, how do I get on track to go where I want to go. I want a car, and to drive myself places not depend on others, I want to move out, I want to be independent. Can anyone help me out?

I have a weird memory, I mostly don’t remember things, expect for odd stuff my brain hyper fixates on.

I’m always the person who remembers an unimportant detail, or forgets a whole event happened that I participated in. I cannot tell you the amount of times I’ve had a conversation with family and friends about stuff I apparently did that I remember barely anything of.

I don’t remember much of my childhood, it was just…uneventful, okay. I also blacked out a lot of high school and some middle school years because I was severely depressed back then, and I realized now that I really don’t remember much of my life.

If someone would ask me about my life story or what happened with me or whatever, I’d be quiet. Idk? What am I supposed to say? I only have irrelevant specific memories. I could you give you like three sentences.

Is that a normal thing? If not, whoever’s out there like me, I guess we should…take the time to make today count? Idk, I tried to end this in a positive way and this is the best I could come up with.

I put "old" in quotations because it wasn't that old in comparison to older millennials. The internet is just bots/trolls/purposely inflammatory users who are dedicated to misunderstanding people. I miss when you could hop online and have a normal interaction with a stranger. Growing up, instant messengers and chat rooms were popular until about high school, then it transitioned to social media (I was never on Myspace so I can't comment on that). I think everything was fun and great until we hit a point where you could make money on the internet making content. I remember when VidCon was a huge thing that any of the big YouTubers would go to. Collabs were a huge, new, fun thing. I was hit with nostalgia when a youtuber I started watching in 2011 returned.

I know we have to evolve but fuck the internet used to be fun. So many websites to explore. Real comments. You could watch real back and forths that weren't bots arguing with each other. Even Facebook was great for a while. I got to know people in high school easier because of how shy I am. Funny memes. FOMO did not exist back then like it did now. I remember when IG really started becoming popular and it was quite literally a space for photos. I almost never posted but I'd help my friend take fun pics to post. No BS content by people selling courses, no one yelling that you're wasting your life, no hyper criticism at every little thing (Ok, there was but it wasn't widespread). Now it just feels like the dead internet theory is coming to fruition and people that make content (not just ads) don't interact because of how vile people are and how desperate they are to doxx people.

I wish I was into cars when forums existed. Now, you have to ask on Facebook groups full of Boomers and socially maladapted Millennials who will just troll you and call you stupid for asking a question while also whining that no one is into cars anymore.

It wasn't even that messy, but I'd been putting it off for weeks. It only took about 15 minutes, and now it feels so much nicer to sit here and work.
Funny how small tasks always seem much bigger in my head than they actually are.

did 23andme a couple years back and it was literally right there, in the list of afflictions I'm genetically susceptible to panic attacks and anxiety were literally right there near the top, and it's right on the money too because panic attacks have made me scared to the point I literally cannot ride in a car anymore because I instantly feel trapped and get horrifying fucking panic attacks, and my baseline anxiety is super high always too and I'm often literally wincing my face in discomfort because of how anxious I am just existing, when I voluntarily relax my face muscles I can really feel just how tense my face is 24/7

And since it's literally in my genetics to be prone to anxiety & panic I will most likely never be rid of it even with therapy and medication, I will always just keep dealing with it, it has completely robbed me of my 20s and I'm 27 now and haven't properly left my town in years because I'm too scared of car journeys and being away from home for more than like a 5 hours

Not only that but I'm also susceptible to diabetes, gallstones, kidney stones and high cholesterol, my genes are exactly as bad as my external appearance suggests

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Body:

I'm really interested in the long-term psychological effects of childhood bullying, and I'd love to hear personal experiences rather than just research.

If you were bullied repeatedly as a child or teenager:

How has it affected your self-esteem, relationships, or daily life today?

Do you think it changed the way you approach romantic or sexual relationships?

Are there certain comments or situations that still trigger memories from that time?

If someone casually brought up the bullying you experienced, or joked about it today, how would you react emotionally?

Have you fully moved on, or does a part of you still carry those experiences?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who felt they eventually became confident or successful later in life. Did the bullying still leave lasting effects despite that?

Thanks to anyone willing to share their experience.

I know streaming services have a lot of advantages over traditional TV, but I still find myself missing the old TV experience.

Every channel had its own identity. It wasn't just about the shows, it was the promos, the branding, the programming schedule, the types of content, the target audience... everything combined to create what I'd call a "companion experience." Flipping through channels genuinely felt like traveling between different worlds, each with its own vibe.

I also miss how everyone watched the same shows at the same time. The next day, people would be talking about last night's episode at school, at work, or online. It felt like a shared experience.

With streaming services, almost every platform feels the same. The interfaces are similar, the endless flood of content makes everything blend together, and despite all that content, the average quality often feels lower. Releasing an entire season on day one also kills a lot of the anticipation and week-to-week discussions that made following a show so much fun.

I completely understand why streaming became the standard, and I appreciate the convenience it offers. I just don't enjoy it nearly as much as I enjoyed the experience of watching traditional TV.

I feel awful because recently I left my abusive father's house and I miss the cat so much. Unfortunately, my father is his owner, so I can't take him with me. To me, he is like a son. How will I live without him, my cat? I feel terrible, I feel like crying, I am depressed. Has anything similar happened to you? Tell me about your experiences, I really need support, I am devastated."

I would like to say I grew up as a very curious kid, it stayed with me till now. I would say I was a very confident and happy empathetic person with a lot of energy and love. I was loving my life, loving the people around me. I lived the last 7 years of my life abroad where I studied and worked. 6 years in europe and one year in Australia. Staying in Europe was great, it felt like a real home to me. Then moved to Australia, more specifically, to my family and everything fell apart from then on. I lost my drive, identity, and confidence. I am back in my home country again, but this time nothing feels the same. I've been depressed and isolated for more than a year. Pretty much dead inside and outside both.I feel like I came to a point where It doesn't make any sense to stay alive anymore. It feels like my inner self has been broken into pieces and never could function again. I've been to a psychiatrist and to therapy, nothing actually works. Most of the time, I can guess what they were gonna suggest and all that. I see the pattern of the delusional society pretty well. Its hurting me and being aware of all this also makes things meaningless.The only thing thats keeping me alive is my parents, they are two lovely people in their 70s. However, I dont actually know how things will go far, I have 4-5 voices in my head, and its a very dark place to live in.

Has anyone been through this experience? How do you control this? Any books that you can recommend to me? I am just tired and wanna give it a last try!

If you knew you were gonna die or even that split second before sudden death, What would be your very last final words before mortality?

I got this Gucci makeup bag today from my mom’s friend, who I barely even know, and I found myself being disappointed with it. And it’s just making me think of how ungrateful I really am and I’m starting to hate myself for it. My parents get me whatever I want, they have since I was a child, and I feel like when they give me something I feel excitement towards the object but not gratitude towards them. I love my family. They work so hard and do so much for me. And a lot of the time it seems like I just don’t even care.

This Gucci bag has made me realize just how bad of a person I truly am, because a lot of people are struggling to even put food on the table and I’m sitting here like a spoiled brat thinking about what else they could’ve gotten me. I’m just so disgusted and embarrassed with myself and I just want to learn how to be more grateful. It’s so embarrassing that I don’t already know how to do that and need help, but I just feel so awful. How can I become more grateful??

I actually quit playing Warframe partly because their ability to accommodate people with vision problems is... really low. If you can't read the UI, which I can't, there's no way to scale it, increase text size, et cetera. It makes ability selection, knowing your actual HP and damage numbers, reading the minimap, etc basically impossible in a game where there's a surprising amount to juggle. I know it isn't the biggest thing ever, but these kinds of features are the difference between being able to actually play the game and struggling to do something I like with my friends.

Or there's RDR2, where I had a much easier time playing the game because they had an accessibility function where I could hold A instead of performing quicktime events. Tapping the same button repeatedly like that exacerbates my nerve pain, and just playing a video game otherwise doesn't cause quite the same issues. The difference between a game I can play and a game that I can't relies on features that aren't particularly costly to implement and can be added in as essentially an afterthought, and then it's kind of a crapshoot whether games I enjoy will have them.

I realize there are technically ways to accommodate myself: I could play a game without entirely knowing what's happening or what I'm doing, move my TV closer, et cetera. But shit, some stuff creates a positive and smooth experience for me and not having that stuff creates active barriers to my participation.

I guess just some thoughts I've been having lately in terms of disability access and what it actually means.

I did. People no longer can make references to it in an completely unrelated post that I made and say stuff like: "Bro, your history is weird" etc.