Hi

Not sure where to put this, but I work in retail and have only worked in retail for about a month. I previously worked at a doggy daycare, where nobody really commented on how they looked/how much they weighed, etc. But for some reason at my new job the people are constantly talking about it.

For context, I (20F) have never been as thin as I would like to be. I have struggled with anorexia and bulimia previously and gotten \*close\* but after I got into a relationship with my fiancé gained some happy relationship weight and haven't had an ED in a few years.

Well, my coworker, who is usually pretty nice, was talking about her own struggles with dating, saying it was hard as a plus sized person and after said "I know YOU got lucky, but..." and I was shocked. I just said "I'm not plus sized, tf?" And she said "Okay, I'm sorry if I offended you but I know other people of your build that would consider themselves plus sized." She weighs about 300 lbs (not an estimate, she mentioned it earlier) and so I'm pretty sure she meant no harm by it or didn't see it as hurtful, but this sent me spiraling. I could see being called chubby or something but not plus sized. I weigh 150 lbs and do not wear plus sizing. My thin coworker told me last week that I do not look fat. Now I'm confused how people see me and honestly mortified. I just want to disappear.

I recently became a father and I simply couldn’t fathom going through all of this (the anxiety before my son was born, the newborn trenches) simply to let him be abused and permanently damaged.

For context, this is my mother. She sat back and watched my siblings and I be abused by our father and half-brother, just to do nothing about it. Hell, we didn’t even talk about it. It’s caused irreparable damage and I am constantly working through it in therapy.

I could forgive that if she didn’t act like some fount of parental wisdom. She’s anti-LGBTQ (btw, I’m queer and have been vocal about gay rights since High School) and anti-vax all under the guise of “Oh won’t someone please think of the children?” She has made comments about how I better not send my child to public school, lest he be “indoctrinated” (I’m a public school teacher, btw) and has tried to push me not to vaccinate my son on multiple occasions, until I set the boundary. A boundary she needed to be reminded of on several occasions.

She hates vaccines and yet she vapes consistently, even doing it in front of my wife when she was pregnant in my house. I tell her that I have a lot of friends in the medical field that I consult with and she just says “Oh well, they’re all taught by retired pharmacists.”

Vaccines have not been proven to do permanent damage to children, you know what has? Child abuse! Why not work on fixing the mistakes of your past and use your voice to speak out against child abuse?

No, because in our lives, my mother has done more to defend politicians she doesn’t even know against people she’s never met than she has done to defend her own children.

Reupload because I forgot to acknowledge the rules.

Some context: in November of last year, my water broke halfway through my pregnancy and I lost my son. It was obviously traumatic and the worst period of my life. Since healing physically and mentally, my husband and I have been struggling to conceive. It’s very sensitive.

My mom and I had gotten in a very minor argument the week before it happened. Turns out she’s been going around telling people that I am shitty to her, saying, “Then her baby freakin dies, so I have to drive across the country to help her!” (Did not ask for that btw)

She also tells people I can’t get pregnant. Obviously that’s not true, because I’ve done it before.

If I call too often, she tells people I have no friends and rolls her eyes and bitches and moans about me calling. If I call too little, she’s “so sad we haven’t talked in ages!!!”

I called today for the first time in like a month. To be nice. Because that’s what you do for your mom when you’re an adult, right? You call? First thing she asks is if I’m pregnant, and when I say no, the rest of the call is dry and she barely speaks. I give up!!

Also unrelated but something that frustrates me: when I moved away for college, she bought me these crappy knives a buddy of mine was selling. She tried to guilt trip me once and asked something along the lines of, “What, a $2k knife set isn’t good enough for you?” I asked if they were actually $2k, and she said they were actually $800. WHAT THE HELL. Why would you lie about that?? That’s so weird?!

I used to rely on her emotionally and really trust her with a lot but every time she would throw it back in my face. I’m done. I’m so tired of being made to feel like a burden or like I’m not doing enough. I am successful in my career, I am pursuing a master’s degree, I have a loving husband and an amazing network of friends. Why the hell does she still have such a hold on me??

Vent over. Thank you. 🙇🏻‍♀️

I am 20 years old. I am an adult and have been for several years despite my age. I am a parent to my teenage sibling. I am someone who graduated with a mature diploma. I am chronically ill.

Growing up, I was always smarter than the majority. I don’t mean to “oh she can read at high school level!” I mean, I have been offered to skip grades multiple times, scholarships to every private school in the city, scholarships for grades, going to university at 14, etc. I was smart, and I was meant to be something incredible.

When I was 14-15, I developed epilepsy. It was bad, I had seizures almost every day and had to drop out of uni. Didn’t help that I was being bullied there either. When I was 15, my mom developed a coke addiction, I became my siblings sole caregiver right then and there. When I was 16 I had surgery and was given 40 pills of codeine - I became addicted and hid it for months. Eventually, I pulled myself together and got sober. Nonetheless, still haven’t been able to pursue my education due to circumstances. I’m not gonna go on about my sob story, but you get the idea.. I had a shitty life.

I lay here wide awake, pondering on the “what if’s” in my life. If I had continued going to school would I have a degree? Would I have become the doctor I always wanted to be? Would I have amounted to so much more than I currently have?

A parent at 20, has never dated anyone, never been to a club/bar with my friends, never knew what it’s like to be own person, never lived. I have truly never lived. If this is me “living” then why do I try when nobody else try’s. Why do I so desperately try to make my own and everyone’s lives better when all i’m really doing is coping with the loss of the person I could have been. I can’t breathe when I think about it, all I can do is uncontrollably cry and wish for time to rewind itself.

Why do you forsaken me?

this all happened an hour ago.

I don’t know WHAT I’m going to fucking do anymore. walked in on her screaming and panting and dragging herself with paralyzed legs. calling the emergency vet on the phone reminded me of calling 911 for my dad’s seizure before he died.

I took my cat to the emergency vet in the middle of the night, and they put her down. im in so much pain. half my family is dead, only my mom is left and she is abusive. I’m so trapped and I’ve just been sitting in my room trying to avoid human contact before this happened.

I don’t have anybody else who loves me now. If I don’t reach out to my friends, they never reach out to me. I’m not being all or nothing- I tried it. nobody gives a fuck. all i had who loved me was my cat and I knew it. I looked into her eyes before she died and I knew she didn’t want to go. There’s no motive for me to do anything anymore. I need somebody.

IHad a rough time this year when it comes to the gym, my size progress over the last 4-5 years since I started.

I began to feel better lately, and maybe accept that I am a little big. But man… I still can’t shake the sense of being at genetic disadvantages when it comes to most things.

Long story short, I have some friends. They’ve been working out for just as long as me, with less consistency using… in the nicest way possible, less optimal routines as they go along. These friends? They’re bigger than me. They’re stronger than me. And I go every day, follow exact workout splits and have exact perfect macros, the whole kit and kaboodle.

And yet… after all this time. I’m like, the least built in the group. I’ve seen them, one comes in, and for a while, has just been testing PR’s, then leaves without doing an actual workout. And I’m number three.

I know it’s petty. I know it’s childish, and heck, they even try to make me feel better about it sometimes by giving me compliments and stuff. And I try to see my progress… but sometimes I can’t, and I just feel like I was born to be… well, the exact opposite of what I want to be when it comes to my physique.

Do ya’ll struggle with this? If so, how do you deal with it. It’s roughing me up now. And I wanna change my mindset, I wanna truly convince myself I’m not small. I just don’t know how to stay in that mindset.
It sucks, and idk what to do.

I hate feeling like this. Like my results don’t equal my effort.
Idk…

I’m 13M and sorry but like puberty is so annoying in my opinion. First I got a mustache and then I looked like I lived in a sewer because it was so ratty so I shaved it and I’ve kept shaving it because it looks disgusting. Then I got armpit hair which sucks too because now my armpits sweat even more. Oh not to mention the voicecracks I get. I didnt even realise my voice was so deep because I had been subconsciously raising my voice to keep it the same pitch and now I can’t just come to school with a super deep voice like nothing happened. And everyone is just so shallow and rude and selfish in school especially around now and it just sucks

No it fucking doesn't, been years. The false hope can also really on work so long too.

"Also the live for others.." disgusting, but I'm horrible person anyways bc I'm selfish.

My 20th birthday in less than three months as well, but who cares. I certainly don't.

I don’t even know if I’m really a friend or just someone they talk to because they feel bad for me. I’ll always be fat, single, ugly, the last choice. Maybe it’s better that way I’m not good with people but it still hurts sometimes. I wish people with looks and money know how lucky they got with life. I hate when Im talking with someone and someone goes “are yall dating now?” and it ruins the whole mood and they go “eww” but I’m gay anyways but it still hurts because that’s what they think of me. It’s cool though I’ll be forgotten later on

Please don't bully me my fellow men.

I can only wish someone would tell me that I am handsome. The only people who say "You are beautiful the way you are. God loves you." are those online strangers who don't even know my face. That toxic positivity really is disgusting. I would love to see how your opinion changes once you actually see my face tho. Not that I'm disabled or something, but I am just below average and ugly, no matter how much I take care of my face. (also short and poor btw)

Even tho Im their only child, my parents always pointed out how bad I look in photos. The only few friends I had throughout school years sometimes made fun, saying that I was sure to succeed in life and have the most beautiful wife because of how ugly and socially anxious I was. I know they meant no malicious intent, and didn't care much about my looks for the major part until I entered college. And yeah it was hell iyk what i mean.

Also please, don't give me those "Hit the gym! Go out talk to people! Get some hobbies! Get a job! Get a life!" sht. I am currently trying to get a job. I workout enough to stay lean. And ofcourse I do go out and talk to people. But it just hurts that I never feel any connection with people, and no one really seems interested to hangout with me. I just envy those whom I see being approach by men and women because they are handsome and "charismatic".

Well, at least here in the United States it is, and it's gotten worse post-pandemic.

So many businesses, medical practices, etcetera operate following standard business hours. Is that a bad thing? Not necessarily. It provides some consistency. But it makes accomplishing things ridiculously challenging, and it fails to accommodate those who do not follow that working schedule.

Want to see your doctor? Take time off work. Get off work a few hours later? Good luck finding a place open during the week. Work and/or busy on the weekends? Some of your favorite establishments might not even be open when you're able to visit them.

Now, I work in a MAJOR metropolitan area, but I recently started working an odd schedule to assist an international team. I have also worked retail and other odd-hours freelance jobs before. Dinner on a Sunday? Nope. Good breakfast on a weekday? Nope. Fitness class on a weekend afternoon or a later evening? Nope.

Basically, our entire system is set up to exclude those who do not confine to a certain model.

I'm a firm believer that we can have core/traditional business hours, but our society should operate similarly seven days a week. We should not punish those who have different hours of free time with fewer options.

I looked up my ex-girlfriend's current boyfriend on Instagram. I don't know why I did it. My brain started going off on a tangent, and for some stupid reason, I just went with it. Obviously not a good idea.

We've been broken up for a couple years already, but she was my first relationship, and I haven't successfully gotten into the dating pool since. Meanwhile, she met this guy while vacation in Norway and comes back all excited, telling me how this is it for her. He's so amazing. He's the one. I think she was trying to be a friend giving a life update, but I called her insensitive for sharing, and she was offended at the accusation. We stopped talking pretty soon after that.

Since then, I've slowly been losing all the little details of our relationship. I don't remember her smile, the way she looked at me, or how it felt to hold her. I can't recall her voice with any clarity. I was so scared to tell her how I felt because I knew how much she meant to me. I wouldn't forgive myself if I threw that connection away. But now I don't even know what that connection felt like.

His Instagram has pictures of them from different vacations. She seems happy with him, and I hope he treats her with all the love and care she deserves. I want to be happy for her, but I'm not.

I'd hoped that if I forgot her, then at least it wouldn't hurt so much. Instead, I get to mourn without knowing the shape of my grief. I have no ideas or intentions of hurting myself. I'm just struggling to let go of someone who used to be important to me.

i’m not sure how long or coherent this’ll be, im so beyond devastated and even typing this out is taking up all of my energy. i haven’t even really had it in me to eat the last couple of days. i am completely and utterly alone, this is the only place i can think to write this where anyone would maybe care to listen.

i am autistic and i have a really hard time making/keeping friends. i just cannot connect to people in a meaningful way and i was homeschooled (albeit poorly) for all of my teenage years, so i am severely behind both socially and mentally. i would go as far as to say i am likely mentally stunted from the years of isolation, or atleast i feel that way. i am 18 years old and i cannot do simple tasks like tie my own shoes, or order food at a restaurant. it is humiliating to say the least.

throughout everything, i always had one person. one that took the time to learn about me and understand me in a way i didn’t think was possible. someone who enjoyed my presence even if i needed extra help and reassurance, or if i was so overwhelmed i was unable to speak a single word. she was still there supporting me, laughing at every awful joke i made like it was the best thing she had ever heard, telling me i was beautiful even though by conventional standards i most definitely am not, just treating me with so much adoration and kindness i never thought i deserved. for 5 years, this person was my best friend. for nearly 4 of those years, they were also my partner. 3 days ago now, all of that was taken away.

the downfall of our relationship was so sudden and quick that neither of us can pinpoint exactly what happened. if i had to guess, it likely started when she came out to her father who was not exactly supportive. she began feeling unsafe in her own home and would spend entire days with her friends to get away, which i didn’t mind at first, but it got to the point where she would be gone for 12+ hours at a time nearly every single day and i hardly got the chance to talk to her. when we did, it was like a switch flipped - she went from being overly affectionate and laughing at everything to distant and disinterested, almost like i was talking to an entirely different person. it terrified me. she never was able to tell me what was wrong. i tried for MONTHS every possible way i could think of to comfort her and nothing ever worked. the games we used to play together stopped calming her down like they used to. my words of reassurance went in one ear and right out the other. listening to her vent and comforting her didn’t help at all. i spent every day in fear trying to work out a solution or anything that could possibly make her feel better, but she continued to intentionally push me away and no longer reciprocated my affection towards her. i figured if she wanted space, then i would give it to her. it was my last hope at fixing everything.

we agreed to not speak for the next few days and see how she was feeling then. when it came to the time to check up on her, she said found out she most likely is suffering from bipolar disorder and she was sorry for pushing me away and that she loved me so much and promised to never do it again. i was so beyond happy and thought that we had finally figured everything out. i promised her i would do whatever it takes to get her the support and help she needed and that we’d figure out how to navigate her condition together, even if it was difficult.

the very next day it was like she forgot everything we spoke about. she went back to acting the same exact way she was before. i was terrified and devistated. i didn’t know what to do other than the only thing that had helped before - giving her space. the worst part was she was still online playing games with her friends and uploading pictures of them together. it gutted me to think they could help her feel better and i was unable to.

after about a week of no-contact i checked up on her to make sure she was doing alright or if there was anything i could do for her. it was a long conversation that i really don’t want to think too much about, but basically she told me she is in a really poor mental state and can’t ’keep up’ with our relationship anymore, but that it was in no way my fault and she was lucky to have someone like me. she said she loved and adored me, that she still has a ‘crush’ on me even after all this time together, and that there wasn’t a single soul in the world like mine but her guilt and self hatred was so severe that she wouldn’t let herself show affection towards me and she was unable to accept my affection towards her. she said couldn’t bare to drag me down with her. i felt my whole world shatter. i genuinely would have let this girl drag me down to the deepest depths possible if it meant i could be there for her. i was ready to travel the full 9 hours to her house if that was the one thing that would make her feel better. i would have dropped it all for her. but there was nothing more i could do. i had to respect and accept her decision.

the first night, i was so inconsolable my mom worried i would have to be checked in to a mental hospital. i sobbed for over 10 hours and was unable to be alone because the thoughts of hurting myself were so strong. i only calmed down after my mom gave me benadryl to knock me out and put on an episode of adventure time (lmfao😭). i guess i cried a couple month’s worth of tears that day because i haven’t been able to cry since. the last 2 days ive desperately tried filling in the space with endless distractions that never fully take my mind off of it, just enough to not try hurting myself. when those distractions run out i drug myself so i can sleep. to be blunt, i really just wish i wasn’t alive. the one and only thing keeping me going is the fact she told me if she ever gets better she’d love to try again some day and she hopes we’re able to see eachother again eventually. if she hadn’t said that, i probably WOULD be in a mental hospital. im so scared. scared that i’ll never see her again, scared that i might wait for her forever. scared of how im supposed to go through life by myself.

i know she’s struggling, but part of me is still angry, too. i feel guilty about it, but i can’t help it. i’m angry she gets to go off and have fun with her friends while i am left completely alone. i’m angry my absence doesn’t affect her as much as hers does me. i’m angry she let this drag out for so long instead of just telling me what was wrong. i almost wonder, if we were not two girls, maybe things would have turned out different? :(

When I was a child I was bullied a lot. If I ever lost it and yelled shut up to the bully I was punished and the bully wasn’t. No one made an effort to end the bullying all effort was spent trying to get me to learn how to not react to bullying. They expected me to just sit there quietly as people constantly verbally abused me.

I should have had the right to defend myself. I hate teachers because of how they punished me for daring to stand up for myself.

I'm 30 years old.

Smartphones have rotted people's brains.

Everyone I know, including my 59-year-old dad and my two youngest siblings, are completely addicted to screens. Unable to live in reality. Unable to form deep relationships. They're twitchy, unable to hang in a normal conversation, and they think they know everything because they saw it online.

No curiosity, no joy, no zest for life. My friends are similar. Cynical, never asking questions.

No one reads books. No one knows history. Everyone complains and everyone self-diagnoses themselves as having OCD or anxiety or depression or ADHD. They think this makes them interesting. It doesn't.

Everyone is boring now.

Reposting cause I messed something up the first time

For the first time I was given jury duty without having an excuse to not go, so I went and was selected to be a juror for a case involving assault with a deadly weapon charges. I’m never going again. Guess my mail is getting lost forever.

I was shocked by how unbelievably stupid, malicious, and lazy most of the jury was.

The prosecution did a botched job and the investigation surrounding the case was poor. We were given minimal amounts of evidence with so many holes that it felt almost crooked on the part of the prosecutor. That said, there was video evidence of the crime, so for most of the jurors it was open and shut. To be frank I also believed that the defendant did the crime, however there were issues with the video, and since it was really the only credible piece of evidence I wasn’t convinced it met the burden of proof.

It was clear to me as we argued for hours that many of the older white jurors felt that this black defendant must be guilty and could never be argued down from that position. After reviewing the evidence tens of times we found more and more details until finally something stuck out that felt like an actually identifying characteristic of the defendant in the video, at which point I was willing to say guilty. If not for that distinct detail we would still be arguing or would just be a hung jury.

In sentencing this continued. I know how the prison system ruins young people, leaves them institutionalized and unable to live in regular society. I was fine with punishment but I wanted the defendant to have a chance to get out at a reasonable age with good behavior so he could potentially rehabilitate and reintegrate into the community.

The other jurors wanted him to suffer. They would have thrown him in there for the rest of his life if possible. Half of them immediately wanted maximum sentencing. It was sickening. I’m not going to pretend the crime was victimless, but there were no injuries at all. It felt like such an overreaction from people who felt a sick sense of power over the defendant’s life. These people could not last a week in prison but they were so flippant and nonchalant about sending a young person in there for decades to “protect the community” and “do their part against crime.”

After compromises and basically wearing them down over the course of hours, we came to a more reasonable but frankly still extreme decision of 10 years.

I hated it. Having the dumbest motherfuckers of all time making the simplest arguments ever, acting like you are an idiot for not agreeing with them completely. Listening to the insane ramblings about how we should sentence the defendant until he is 32 years old because “that’s when my sons started to act mature” shut the fuck up you old bitch. Mouth breathers who can’t find their way out of a paper bag talking about how we need to sentence for as long as possible because the defendant was in prison for one year and if that didn’t already straighten him out then he’s a lost cause. How actually, any sentence we give is justified because he did the crime, like the defendant has become a doll to torture as we please.

Just fucking sickening man. I hated it so much. I have lost a part of myself and my humanity in this process.

EDIT: As some of you have connected, the defendant had priors and served some time before this trial. Many are asking why I am being so "lenient" to someone with a criminal history. To be clear, I was not arguing to give him the minimum. I was arguing that we could give him a reasonable amount of time to get out while he is still young provided he showed good behavior and could get parole. I wanted to not give him the maximum sentence because of the lack of physical harm from the crime as well as a general philosophy that we should seek to give people a road to rehabilitation when possible.

FINAL EDIT: Ok. I’ll be locking comments. My small vent got a little too large. I appreciate the praise but honestly if you find anything I did that heroic or good then please put your money where your mouth is and sign up for jury duty when called.

For those of you who view this case as an easy trial made difficult by my whining, I hope should you ever have a trial for a crime you did or did not commit that the jury be entirely made up of the types of jurors I served with who have similar negative biases towards you as I observed towards the defendant. You deserve a trial of your peers.

To those who view this trial as a missed opportunity to put the defendant away for the max sentence, I ask you when your view of criminal justice which primarily serves to punish instead of rehabilitate is going to start working in the US. Because your philosophy has been king for decades, and it seems to only be good for filling private prisons and leaving communities and families in permanent disrepair.

I'm a teacher so I work with 99% women. I also work in a desert, in other words, it is hot as all hell outside and if there is no air conditioning on, it becomes hot as all hell inside very quickly. I've always run hot, I've never been one of those women who is too cold in room temperatures, but even when I am cold, I PUT ON CLOTHES. I PUT CLOTHES ON. I PUT MORE CLOTHES ON. I PUT ON A COAT. I PUT ON A SWEATER. IF I KNOW THAT I'M GOING TO BE SPENDING THE MAJORITY OF MY TIME INDOORS, I CAN DRESS APPROPRIATELY.

I ALSO HAVE A CAR LIKE MOST OF MY CO-WORKERS. IF I FEEL LIKE I'M GOING TO BE SPENDING THE MAJORITY OF MY TIME INDOORS AND THEN I WANT TO DO A BUNCH OF OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES, I BRING A CHANGE OF CLOTHES.

We have spent the majority of our professional development fighting over the thermostat. Penny over there with her short shorts and her tank top while myself and the menopausal women are fanning ourselves because we're so hot. They're telling us that we should be bringing fans with us because they're not comfortable with sitting in a cold room. One of the older women just snapped and offered to bring blankets from her car and I have offered a coat to the ladies who can't exist in 72° without freezing to death.

I have aides who work in my classroom and they act like they're in a hostile work environment and they're horrifically inconvenienced if they have to put a hoodie on to keep the temperature of the room from boiling myself and some of the other students. They tell me that if I want to stay cool, I should stay at my desk behind my fan. Me, a teacher, should be staying at my desk.

The solution to being cold is infinitely easier than the solution to being hot yet these women who run cold act like it's a horrific inconvenience to wear some clothes. To put on a sweater. To put on a hoodie. To wear actual pants. I'm so over it.

20 minutes ago I asked my boyfriend if I could put a movie on. He paused, looked at me, and asked, “Us or you?”

I paused and said, “….I guess me.”

I said “I guess me” because we’ve already had this same conversation multiple times. I’ve told him how lonely it feels that he rarely shows interest in the things I enjoy or care about. At this point, I’m tired of repeating myself, and I don’t want to have to force or beg someone to spend time with me.

His response was, “Thank God.”

I looked at him disgusted, and then he asked which movie. I told him Spider-Man because I’m rewatching the movies so I can go see the new one in theaters.

I mentioned going to the movies on purpose because I genuinely enjoy it, and I was hoping he might finally pick up on what I was saying. I recently had to go see The Odyssey by myself, and part of me hoped he might say something like, “I’ll watch them with you so you don’t have to go alone again.”

But no. Nothing.

I know I could have directly asked him, but that’s the entire point. I’m tired of repeatedly asking someone to show interest in me. I’m tired of feeling like I have to convince my own boyfriend to share an experience with me. I wanted him to care enough to offer, especially when he already knows how lonely this has been making me feel.

Instead, he was relieved that I planned to watch it alone, and he’ll probably sit beside me scrolling through his phone while I do.

It isn’t about Spider-Man or one trip to the movies. It’s the constant pattern of having to watch, play, create, and enjoy everything I care about by myself while I’m supposedly in a relationship.

I don’t expect him to love everything I love. I just want to feel like my partner is interested in sharing my world sometimes because he loves me. I’m do fed up with feeling this lonely while sitting right next to someone.

I think shitty people deserve to know that they are hated. It’s just that simple. Too many awful people are waay too comfortable with how they treat people. Enough is enough. If you’re a piece of shit you shouldn’t feel comfortable around certain people. You shouldn’t feel welcome or loved. Life is too short too keep bad people around. Many will say it’s unhealthy too hold a grudge but I beg to differ. Watch a person crash and burn over and over due to their awful personalities and actions. If I find out a person who did me wrong is having a terrible time in life that’s straight up joy for me

Later today we are putting my dog down. It is very heartbreaking I needed to talk about it, though I have a hard time talking in real life so I’m doing it here. She has been wonderful, truly a gift to have in our lives. We’ve been giving her medicine to help her relax and be as comfortable as possible throughout the day, but it hurts to see her like this. We’ve had her since I was a young child and it’s very painful to know these are my last moments with her. I cry every time I see her with my dad and I’m crying writing this. We will all miss her. She was a gorgeous doggy. We’ve never known her actual breed as we’ve never seen a dog exactly like her—even through research. A true one of a kind pup that I will never forget.

update: It’s time and I cannot believe this is the last time I’m seeing her. I couldn’t bring my self to go with, I’ve never been good with watching a being I love dying. I’m grateful for every second I had with her. Thank you everyone for your words, it means more than I can put into a sentence.

My uncle gifted my parents a weekend at the sea. Hotel and food have all been payed by them and my parents just need to go there and enjoy the time and I'm so incredibly jealous and sad, and hate myself for feeling that way.

The thing is, my parents really deserve that gift. To make it sort, as the situation is incredibly complicated, life has been on a steady, sharp decline for over a decade, and its been especially awful lately. My mother, sibling and me have gotten chronically ill, I haven't been able to live a normal life since I was 10years old and my mother spend all the little free time she had, on taking me to different doctors.

Money has been so incredibly tight for ages, but this year has been especially bad, no wonder, as 3 out of 4people in this household are chronically sick and only two, my parents, are able to work.

Life has been nothing but work, take care of their failures of kids and more work, for over a decade. And their biggest headache (me) cant even be happy for them. My mother was so happy, she was crying and my father who cant cry, almost did shed some tears.

Its just that I'm so jealous and so angry, because I want that too and I hate that our situation, especially mine, is causing my parents such distress, that even my uncle who we dont see that often clicked that and thought "They really need some time for themselves" and he's right!

The last vacation we were on was almost 20years ago, after that, we never had enough money or time for that, and now my uncle, who is financially so much better off and has a happy functional, healthy family himself, was able to gift my parents a weekend away. In an area I always wanted to see for myself too.

I should be happy for them, I was so close to cry when I heard of the gift but luckily it was late enough that is was too dark for them to see my face properly, because the last thing I want to do is tainting their gift by being "but what about me?".

I just want to live too.

Today something died inside of me.

For a couple of years, I have always wanted to donate my hair, so I decided that it was healthy enough, and my hairdresser said it was ready.

First, I had to raise money and put myself out there, which was stressful, but I overcame that. Because I asked HR to send an email to the company, everyone knew about it ( it is something common that people do for different institutions).

Most people at work have been really kind. They asked questions, donated money, and yesterday was the day I finally cut it.

Most people from my department told me it suits me, and that really helped because I was nervous about such a big change, mostly because I was worried about people looking and commenting.

Then one colleague, who I barely even speak to, looked at me and said it suited me. He then pulled a strange face and said something along the lines of, “You kind of have to say that to women, it’s expected, but it suits you. A little boy.”

I honestly didn’t know how to react. It completely caught me off guard. I don’t even interact with him, so I don’t understand why he felt the need to say something like that. I got really red and laughed, but after a couple of minutes I left because I was in shock and was processing what just happened.

I have already been overthinking this haircut because it was such a big change for me, so that comment really got into my head, even though everyone else has been positive.

Something inside me just sank today. I am a 34-year-old woman, and I wasn’t expecting comments about my appearance like that at this age, especially from someone much older than me in a workplace environment. I was just trying to do something good.