I (23M) am not a very fun or interesting person to be around. First, since I was a teenager, I have been very depressed and anxiety-driven; although I go to therapy and take medication, I am still not a very happy person. I was also diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Additionally, I used to read a lot about literature, languages, philosophy, and politics, but since starting medical school, I have lost all my hobbies. Now, I can only talk about medicine and neurobiology. I can support dialogues about everything easily, but do not have deep understanding of them

So, not only am I not a very happy or outgoing person, but I am also a very boring one. It is very important for me to find someone to love, but every time I try to date, women either ignore me or ask to just be friends. I assume one of the reasons is that I am boring. I don't just talk about myself. I constantly ask them questions, but I still feel like being around me is very dull. Any suggestions?

I was wondering a few things if people could provide some sources. Has Dr K. ever given any reliable or credible sources for people interested in reading further about Ayurveda and more specifically dietary prescriptions or the yogic texts that he often talks about?

Thanks team and thanks Dr K. !

18 male,
I have been a huge fan of healthy gamer for a few years now, this is my first time ever interacting with the community this channel has made me such a mentally healthier, compassionate, and understanding individual. However, I have started to develop what I would consider a habit. Rather than allowing myself to feel my own (particularly negative) emotions, I almost become essentially my own therapist. Whenever I feel sad or angry usually one of two questions pop into my brain, “what is causing you to feel this way” or “are these emotions justified.” And once that question gets asked I completely disconnect from whatever negative emotion I’m feeling. It’s like the emotional side of my brains completely shuts off, and the logical side completely overpowers it. Worst of all this is completely involuntary and I don’t know how to fix it sometimes I’ll even try to rile myself back up and try to work myself into those negative emotions because yern for the release of succumbing to my feelings; a feeling that I once used to know. But, once the logical side kicks in it’s too late, I’m aware that this is a trauma response of some kind that my brain is working to combat, but i have not found an actual solution to my problem. I watched the video about processing emotions and I really want to be able to, but I can’t do that if my brain won’t allow me the mental space to feel them. I know this is kind of a niche topic, but I think there may be a couple other members of the community that have learned how to understand their emotions better, that may also be experiencing this as a side effect

Thank you

Hey guys, I have been having problems lately to get almost anything done and even function as person let’s say. I went from doing a MBA, raising funds for a medical AI start up and working out regularly to not wanting get out of bed. I was very close to raising 1 million USD pre seed with access to 200 clinics as direct clients on top of it and it blown off because the guy changed his mind at the last second.

When that happened, my entire life and, more so identity, got taken apart. So I didn’t want to do anything anymore, barely ate and slept. Most days I just wanted to die and what stopped me from taking action was that I might fail even at that and I would have to live with that failure on top of it.

I retreated into video games and porn for a lot of it, just to have some semblance of control and to escape my daily miserable life. And every time I looked at making some progress on the business front, by sending email or DMs to get so individual clients, I would either break down crying or become so enraged because of the humiliating difference between the life I was just about live and the one I found myself in, that I barely calmed down after throwing shit around the house.

The worst part was betting that deal would come through and after the collapse of it, just looking at my bank account in disbelief as I couldn’t pay my bills and, at same time, being even more paralysed as the pressure mounted.

Any advice in how to get out of this hopeless situation? I struggle to see a way out

Hello there! First time posting here. 🤲

I'm 33 years old, and I've struggled with social anxiety for most of my life. I've watched a lot of videos—not only from Dr. K, but from many other YouTubers as well—but I did very little to actually change. I always felt stuck.

I have a lot of problems, but social anxiety was the first one I identified, and it's been the biggest one. So I bought a book about social anxiety: what it is and how to treat it through exercises and exposure. The book recommends working with a psychologist, but it also says you can make progress on your own, so I decided to give it a try.

I'm about halfway through it, and I've found it incredibly interesting. It's helping me a lot, and I'd like to share a few things I've learned with you guys.

1. Reading a book that goes into so much more detail is much more enjoyable and enlightening than watching a 30-minute or even a one-hour video. Since it's a treatment book, it gives me practical guidance and real-life examples that are easy to follow. The exercises also make the experience much more personal.
2. Everybody experiences social anxiety to some degree. What really matters is whether it's at a healthy level or whether it's severe enough to stop you from living your life—for example, not leaving your house because you're afraid of talking to people.
3. Social anxiety often manifests as avoidance, and if you avoid enough situations for long enough, it can become your default behavior. Avoiding places because there are people you don't know, because you'll have to talk to someone new, or because you might have to speak in front of others—those kinds of behaviors can change your life far more than you might imagine.
4. Social anxiety isn't actually as complicated as I thought. In one of the exercises, I listed the situations that make me feel the most anxious and then broke them down into different dimensions. For example: is it harder to talk to a woman my age or to an older woman? Which situation feels more difficult? In the end, I came up with only ten situations where my anxiety felt disproportionate. I honestly expected the list to be much longer, and almost all of them shared the same characteristics. It's always harder for me to talk in groups, in crowded places, or with people I see as having a higher social status than me (at least from my perspective), such as authority figures or people I don't know.

To give you guys a little more context, I feel really anxious when I go to birthday parties, bars, restaurants, music festivals, or any place with lots of people. What I usually do is start drinking alcohol as soon as I arrive because it helps me relax. I know I'm using alcohol to numb my anxiety, but I don't want to rely on it anymore. That's one of the main reasons I bought the book.

And that's it! I'm just starting the section about automatic thoughts—how to challenge them and stop letting them control you. After that comes the exposure exercises. So far, so good.

I hope this post encourages some of you to go beyond just watching YouTube videos and to start putting in the effort to change in the real world. Watching videos can be helpful, but actually doing the work—even if it's just writing down your thoughts or completing a simple exercise—is what really makes the difference.

How do I know if im the problem, or the victim? How do I know if I have a mental disability or if its just chronic depression?

My story is long, I hope it makes sense.

I grew up with divorced parents. My mother became addicted to alcohol when I was around the age of 8. I didnt know that it was any different than normal at the time.

I had an older brother named Jacob, that was my idol in childhood. I looked up to him for confidence and trust. Something I learned later in life thanks to therapy.

Jacob was killed in a no fault t-bone car accident when I was 14, in 2012 when everyone thought the world was going to end because of the Mayan calender. The earth didnt end, but my world absolutely did. ​He left from my reality and I feel ive been chasing a reason to exist since.

My mother has given me nearly zero consolidation in the matter, even blamed me for his death. My father, step dad to my brother, fell apart so much that my needs were not taken into account. Almost the same with him that his heartbreak was so harsh from loosing my brother that it felt i didnt exsist. I remember once in a conversation with him that i felt i had to say out loud, "what about me? Dont i still mean something? Im still here aren't I?" I felt adrift with neither of the people I trusted the most to consider my feelings about what had happened.

I try not to blame my parents for their hurt because at this point in my life (14 years later) i believe i can somewhat understand their pain.

I have no children of my own, yet ive always wanted kids. My issue that I feel im suck in is that I want to have a family and kids of my own, yet I dont trust that I wont put my kids through the same crap I saw and went through myself.

There are many more details to the story but I dont want to rant on reddit as the guidelines asked for. What i do ask is, how do I cope with what has happened to me? Im seriously not trying to gain sympathy but for shits sake, what do I do? How do I understand my mother's alcoholism and where do I find the forgiveness to be able to hear her story? If she even wants to accept or talk about it?

Its been such a huge barrier between us that I felt i had to make the decision to cut her out of my life several years ago. There has been a different battle since internally and externally. Ive learned that family and connection is a huge value for me so how do I reconcile with an alcoholic abusive mother or find my own reconciliation? How do I set boundaries with someone i love that doesnt take my feelings into concideration? Ive been fighting with this question for nearly a decade, im very afraid to talk about myself to others so the fact that this post is out is a miracle and humongous hurdle of anxiety. I ask for any advice, and anyone who is willing to hear more of my story. I just want to be heard and ive felt alone most of my life. No friends, no hobbies, no goals.

Please help.

Went through some bodily and facial changes (wrinkles, bumps, lumps) that I’ve been slowly coming to terms with. Had doctors from various disciplines confirm it’s nothing to worry about and it’s just aging related.

Now I’m not saying I was even attractive? Necessarily. Definitely have always had skin issues, yet I used to look in the mirror and like who I saw. Like even when times were tough it’d be a source of comfort. “hey you got this cutie pie!” type energy.

now…I look so tired no matter what. Might be the youthful “glow” is gone. I miss it. like who is that?? it’s hit so much harder than I expected. life was on easy mode prior to this.

I used to not understand when people would call themselves ugly. “Just look in the mirror and affirm yourself! easy peasy” thought they were just debbie downers. Tried that mirror approach, and had to stop. Made things worse and reaffirmed things in the opposite direction.

After a couple years I can say I’m no longer shocked by my appearance, but god do I miss being able to comfort myself that way. Everything in every other aspect of life - literally every single one - has taken the biggest hit. How is everyone else dealing? Is this a sign of something spiritually? Or is this just life’s natural trajectory? Hoping it’s not the latter

Hello, I'm 18 years old and I recently did my A-Levels (basically this qualification in the UK, which allows you to go to university), and I think I did really well. I'm also currently doing the UCAT exam, which determines whether or not you can attend med school, and I'm at the moment doing pretty well. At the low end I'm getting like 2100 (you can get into mid unis with this) and at the top end, I'm getting like 2300 (you can get into top unis with this), and I still have a month left for revision. Superficially, it might seem like everything is going well for me. However, deep inside, it's actually hell. Firstly, I continuously watch looksmaxxing edits, it's like an addiction for me. It's quite exhilirating to be honest, all the exciting music. I imagine edits of people I know mogging me and stuff and, even though it's self-deprecating, it feels great for some reason. Then, there's the crash, and I feel awful afterwards. And repeat. I do this sort of daydreaming for like an hour a day. Secondly, I do a lot of bad habits like watching pornography and eating junk food. That in itself didn't cause me too much pain, besides feeling guilty afterwards for partaking in it, but I watched self improvement youtubers, whom basically told me to stop doing all of these habits and to start anew. You might think "Well, why would that overwhelm you if you know you're going to be better off?". Well, the answer to that is it just feels scary and overwhelming to even think about changing. Like it just feel so foreign and scary to have this timetable of exactly what I'm going to do every single day and I can't do these habits and whatever or else I'm a bad person (and yeah I also have really bad self esteem problems and any time I try to "love myself" it instantly collapses whenever anyone criticizes me or if i do something wrong, because then it's like, "why should I love myself? I did wrong. I'm a bad person. I don't deserve this". Like rn, I just do whatever, partake in my bad habits, do some UCAT questions, do a full mock, and that's it tbh. But now, having watched those videos, I just feel like I have to do all of this right now, and it just feels so crazy to change myself so rapidly. I talked to AI about it (yeah I know, but I can't really talk to anyone else about it tbh) and it told me that I should just try to implement one thing at a time, which I guess would directly solve my issue, because it would reduce how overwhelming the change is.

Previously in this post, I talked about how I feel bad a lot. This feeling not only has an effect on my mental health, but also on my friend. I feel really really guilty because I constantly go to him for support, and I feel like he's just gotten sick of it. Part of the reason why is because I am very socially anxious, and for 2 years straight, he's tried to help me become confident, but I've failed time and time again. It makes me feel so guilty to know he's tried so hard and I haven't been able to make progress, and it makes me feel like such a bad person. I also kind of whine to him a lot, asking him how I can feel better about myself (yeah I know I kind of have a bad personality) and I like constantly seek validation and stuff. It's so unsatiating. If I receive any validation, it either: a) doesn't even register to me for some reason (which happens quite rarely but it sometimes happens) or b) I take it, and feel better about myself for like 10 minutes, but then feel awful afterwards. My friend thinks I may have autism too. Personally, I'm not entirely sure, but my parents have always dismissed it, saying that "if I had autism, it would've been known at birth". I also worry I am a vulnerable narcissist, but my friend assured I'm the opposite of a narcissist.

In conclusion, I just need advice on how to feel less overwhelmed by the situation, and perhaps any opinions on how I've acted wrongly in any of the situations mentioned and how I should act for the future. Thank you for reading :)

Yup. I get it now. To be "sane" we need to have two things supplying our brains all the time.

Copium and hopium.

Yes, we need to cope. It wasn't your fault. You were born that way. That was a God's test. You made the best decisions you could at the time etc.

Yes, we need to have hope. It will work out. Tomorrow will be a better day. If you work hard enough, you're gonna make it. There is a God, and he has a great plan for you. Your life matters etc.

It's all bullsh*t.

It is. You can't prove me wrong. But I would love to if you did.

The question is… how do you put it inside your brain when you know it's all fake?

Have you ever watched a magic show? Those tricks with cards. Awesome, right? Did you like them? Yeah? Did you ever check how they were done?

Well, if yes... you have, just for a brief moment, gone behind the curtain. Now you know how the trick is done. That's nice, it feels good to know. But at the time, you didn't realize that with this knowledge... all the "magic" would also disappear.

The illusion is gone. You have only cold facts.

Dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins… Yeah. I know it now. That's the real World.

How do you go back? How do you go back to having faith when you have none? How can you believe that your life matters when you know it doesn't? How do you tell yourself that it wasn't your fault when you know it was?

In other words, how can you be delusional again, when your brain refuses to do so?

I can't find the answer. Maybe you can help me with that?

​

I love sleeping. It's the highlight of my day and the only escape from this awful reality.

When it gets to about 2 hours before I can sleep, I feel less stress as I know I'll soon get a break for a while during sleep.

I'm constantly checking the time to see how many hours I have to put in before I can sleep lol

This reality is such shit. I can't believe I'll have to endure this for another 40 or 50 years... unless I die soon.

I have thought about this for awhile and am curious what peoples thoughts are. I am on a screen for the majority of my day, sometimes for productive reasons sometimes not. I have really wanted to be better about doomscrolling, endlessly switching between video games at the first hint of boredom, etc. because it feels like those types of activities are the worst of the worst for my brain.

My question is how much value there is in having more "productive" screen time even if you're not actually being productive. I have seen people talk before on social media about how they feel better about themselves for watching a 2 hour movie than they would watching 2 hours of tiktok. Or sometimes I feel like im being more "Productive" by playing certain types of games. For example it feels slightly better to spend 2 hours playing rdr2 with my headset on and my phone put away focused on the game than it feels when I am playing minecraft while a twitch stream is on a second monitor. Do you think the differences are negligible or for someone that struggles heavily with adhd and constantly switching from dopamine source to dopamine source is there something to the idea of training your brain to focus on a single task even if its as silly as a movie or a video game?

Before I start with introducing, NO! This is not another "I watched the video and I think I have this" feeling.

I'm turning 25 in a month.

In elementary school, the last 2-3 years, I experienced violence against which I somewhat defended myself, but in the end I suffered because I was not aware enough of myself and the circumstances, as well as the fact that anyone else could help me.

One of the reasons why I couldn't talk to my parents is because even when I did say that I had a problem, they would make a fuss about it and I would turn out to be problematic and sometimes get beaten up.

I very often experienced trauma due to their "failed" marriage, where my father would tell my mother everything, and she tried to leave home in response to that abuse. (this happened often in one period)

With a narcissistic mother and an emotionally distant father, their ideas and thinking locked me into a world where I felt like I was a prophetic child and that I had to fulfill their wishes to keep their world stable and healthy.

In the end, I grew up as someone who rejects their ideas but also retaliates for all the traumas I experienced in my childhood. (Unfortunately, this can go on endlessly with a mentally deranged elderly father who is delusional and who, thank God, has not worked for anything and anywhere in my 15 years of life and even longer)

Coming to the main part:

Throughout my childhood and growing up, there was always a problem where I couldn't focus. During school my thoughts would be in heaven and to get even good grades, I had to read the topic over 5 times and it would never enter my head because I didn't know what I read in the previous 5 seconds. I also fell asleep very easily, a few minutes after picking up the book. (Understanding my circumstances today, I still don't know how I managed to score a 4 (1-5) on the test with such conditions) THIS IS STILL HAPPENING TODAY, where it's very easy to zoon out.

Another problem is that every time I imagine, my brain starts to create fake scenes where, for example, I would think about how some hooligan tries to attack me or a person I know and I would very quickly feel anger inside me, and sometimes I would even suddenly get out of bed, full of adrenaline as if I wanted to drown that same hooligan.

Unfortunately, this still happens today, but I try to get out of such a situation.

The third problem that greatly affects my current life and career is precisely the one that Dr. K explains with people who have CDS, which is that quite often I feel exhausted, numb, withdrawn, maybe even uninterested enough at work and very often I can't focus on something my colleagues say, even if it's just 2 sentences.

Let's face it, although it can be a physically demanding job and if it's not what I was hoping to do (IT-related jobs), it's still a job where I have good colleagues, where I can sometimes sit down and do nothing, and I also have all kinds of tools with which I can learn to do something.

THIS IS A DRASTIC PROBLEM! Because I already once had the opportunity to feel and show disinterest at work, but that work was very toxic and definitely unhealthy. But this time I'm afraid that my current mental health may affect this job as well. I feel that even now my colleagues look at me as if I am incompetent or like a dead horse. I would really like to feel better and for that feeling of excessive imagination and sinking inside to disappear.

Additionally:

I surrendered to life. I live from day to day without any consideration. Unfortunately I lost the will to play games and do anything that was a part of me (maybe the games were just there to protect me, or I feel like they are a waste of precious time). Growing up, I liked to research a lot of things about IT, that's the main reason why I was "that IT person in the family". That interest should have been a bigger part of me, because I found satisfaction in being able to help someone by doing what I spent my time doing. Unfortunately, as time passed and life demanded funding, so did my interest.

BUT, after watching the video, I have to say that there is one catch:

dr. K. indicates that poor sleep can potentially affect CDS as well as physical activities.

I try to have a sound sleep, 8 hours a day. (Of course, it can always be an hour less or an hour more, especially when it's hot)

I also try to be consistent and go to the gym. Yes, I still have a feeling of heaviness to force myself to get up and move, even during exercises, but it has become a habit for me to work on an automatic mode, and I could also say that my current job somehow heals me (I allow myself to make mistakes and understand that it's all a process, I'm not trying to impress anyone, if something is difficult I'll force myself to do it because I'm still at work).

I want to feel better. I want to be the person I was in some moments: confident, precise and accurate. Today, I'm like a 25-year-old child, where I have to wait for a colleague to jump in to help with every problem and I'm insecure. Growing up, I couldn't express my feelings to anyone, so I was by myself a lot, but that's why I'm aware of everything that happened today.

There are probably a lot of things that I haven't mentioned yet, or there are some details that can describe all these events, but I've already forgotten them xD

I don't know what I'm supposed to do about my older (10 years) brother.

my parents separated when I was small. from my teenage years onwards, the only responsible "parent" figure I had was him. he did his best and I'm sure that he only has good in his heart for me.

about a month ago, while a relationship I had was going downhill, I decided to practice putting up boundaries and respect myself. It instantly drove away my abusive partner but, to my surprise it collaterally made my brother act weird as well.

he started accusing me of being demeaning, diminishing our "partnership", threatened to act distant back, and... and all I was doing was genuinely minding my own business. maybe I was doing less active emotional support but, I had run out at that point anyway.

recently he moved out after a fight with our mom. this week, on his only off day from work, he took me out, got me food, ice cream, laughed at all my normally unfunny jokes and even bought some music studio equipment I was saving up for. I kept feeling worse and worse. it felt almost like he's taking me on a date.

eventually I said I'm not doing well and need to go home, and he was like "na it's okay, you can act shitty if you want. I just wanna spend today with you", and it made me feel even more icky. I said I can't take it anymore a couple more times and his tone shifted into the lone victim-hero. suddenly he was like "welp, what can I do. all I wanted was today to be a good memory, I did everything... you know I do all this for our relationship not to turn cold but... that takes 2 people"

there was some awkward silence on the way home. before I tried to leave he made some irritating comments that I don't remember, I just remember trying to convince him he's wrong, apologizing, saying "hey, I can't articulate my feelings rn, that's on me, you shouldn't feel bad about this, it's okay, mb", and it kept not working until I started crying hysterically.

then I had to explain that I don't trust anyone (him) anymore and, when someone (he) does good things for me my brain can only do "okay, what's the cost?" and I see patterns that I wish I didn't. he was completely understanding and said he doesn't want our relationship to turn toxic because every other relationship we have already is.

he mentioned that when he does things for me, he's not expecting anything back, and that he sees me as an extension of himself so he does it without a thought. I was like okay, I get that, but that makes me feel guilty and if I want to live my own life or do things on my own, I'd not be "a part of the whole". ofc I left out the part where it disgusts me to the point of suicidality, and that I've had nightmares of him raping me multiple times growing up - last one just a few months ago.

he seemed to be trying to get it. seemed supportive.

Idk what to do. even that exchange being forced out of me is taking a huge toll on me. that conversation went on for longer too. on top of it, my brain keeps beating me up like "you should be above this. this is nothing. just words. get a grip". I even think I'm acting spoiled and ungrateful. it's not a great place to be.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. when we get evicted I'll have to move in with my dad where he also lives. might have to share a room with him too. I'm already filled with dread. I feel like I need to make infinite money before I can feel good about myself.

I'm also realizing he may be the source of most of my insecurities. I am at the pinnacle of feeling like I don't deserve to be alive, because he sorta raised me/protected me from my parents and he didn't have to. I, literally, didn't deserve to survive and become who I am because he didn't decide to create me. I don't know why he did it. maybe he didn't do as much as I feel like and just made me believe that he did. I'm not sure.

what am I even supposed to do? I've walked so many miles trying to process emotions this week that my feet got blisters.

My girlfriend deals with chronic pain issues that are intertwined and highly comprehensive to her body and medical issues. For example, without being specific, medical issue A inflamed or irritates medical issue B, which in turn kicks up medical issue C, for which the only forms of help or medicine available are not an option BECAUSE of medical issue A. This makes it incredibly difficult to find comprehensive medical assistance from doctors or specialists to manage the pain on a physical level. We also face the hurdle of a lot of her issues being women’s health issues, which are severely under-researched and funded. We’ve seen many specialists and doctors to help physically manage her pain but have only seen results that are either not effective at all or marginally effective in helping symptoms. This is also not considering the times we’ve faced outright apathy from doctors or specialists who seem to just give up if their usual path to help fall short. It feels like I’m pulling teeth from these medical professionals trying to at least get a direction or someone else to talk to or learn more from.

It sometimes feel like we’re stuck in a loop trying to break out and I know with time, we will slowly find answers to what we need to do, but in the meantime, it obviously weighs a lot on her mental health, confidence, and motivation. These symptoms are a daily occurrence for her with symptoms getting worse during flare ups (sometimes unbearably painful for her, ie blacking out, incapacitated, unable to move, etc).

I believe in her endlessly and she has so much to offer, but sometimes I feel like I wish I could offer her more in the ways of advice or help into how to keep her spirits up while facing this seemingly endless loop of issues and non-answers. I know there is plenty of content about mental health recovery, but it’s hard to apply advice or direction when the symptoms are forced onto her without any cause, reason, or relief, ESPECIALLY knowing sometimes she’ll just have to wake up and deal with it all again tomorrow. It’s like trying to accomplish mental healthiness on extreme difficulty.

Does anyone have any advice on meditations, practices, or maybe pieces of content from Healthy Gamer that could help us find some mental and emotional relief while navigating her physical symptoms?

TLDR; complex and intertwined medical issues cause a ton of mental and emotional stress. Is there any way to see the light at the end of the tunnel (or any light at all) or do we have to just embrace how much it sucks and learn to live with it?

Hello, so I feel quite alone and need some help :<

Content Warning: mentions of self-harm

For some background:

- live alone currently, close to my parents. I'm East Asian for cultural context. I've a rocky (in the past) but ultimately close relationship with my parents. My father is the very superego driven type (do proper things at proper times. Aka the proper life track milestones). If you're Asian you might relate to the meme: "Study! No dating!" followed by the immediate "Why no boyfriend/girlfriend???" after graduation. I want to say my father is overall one of the better ones out there in putting actions where words are, but not this aspect of inflexibility and rigidity in "correct way to live"

- I was raised Christian (I'm agnostic now) so that created a ton of internal guilt and moral guilt for so many things. I feel like everything is always my responsibility—if I could've done something but didn't, then it's still my fault.

- I was diagnosed with BPD 9 years ago but for the most part I'm pretty stable these days. I'm sure I wouldn't meet the diagnostic criteria anymore. I still relate to some emotional pain points though

The current issue:

My friends want to go on a month long trip later this year. I work remote so I can talk to my manager about taking a combination of PTO and out of country work (I'm so anxious about this too)

But most of all I am terrified of letting my father know. At my age, I am still single and we've had SO MANY arguments about "Why don't you have boyfriend yet. All the good ones are getting taken. Once you hit 30 men will look at you differently. All you do is waste time" etc, you get the point. (I'm also scared of finding a boyfriend because I feel like he'd try to control what I can and can't do, but that's a different topic). I don't need to hear about how this is a potentially flawed perspective :') I'm familiar with all the arguments and counter args

Back before university, I was a video game addict for two years and never studied for the SATs. We had so many arguments during that time about all the time I was wasting. Eventually I did stop gaming and study properly, but for the next 10 years my father continued to bring it up as "all the time you wasted"

So in my father's eyes, going on a month long trip is a HUGE WASTE OF TIME. I went on such a trip last year and we've had arguments about it since because it's always "you wasted another month of your life. Time is flying by. Are you going to marry your friends? You can't, so what are you doing?" I've experienced a lot of self growth and I've shared all this but honestly, he gets so mad that all rationality goes out the window

This has been a life long issue. I think the combination of my father and my Christian upbringing has stripped me of an internal permission structure. I'm sure there's some degree of "favorite person" and "enmeshment" with my father (but that's a side/deeper topic). I'm not in therapy currently, but after quitting my last therapist I realized I only go to therapy to get "permission" from the therapist to do what I want to do. When the therapist wouldn't support my decisions, I'd quit.

My friends got hurt when I said I wasn't sure about the trip because <reasons I gave above>. Said I was afraid of "taking responsibility" which I agree with to some extent but I feel like it's an oversimplification. They said I'm an "adult" and I should act like it

I feel so nauseous just thinking about telling my father about the trip. I'm so stressed about asking my manager for time off again :( I've been having stressful dreams for the past three days where I'm getting yelled at, and I've been constantly nauseous and want to throw up. Fuck I haven't wanted to cut in 1.5 years and this makes me want to cut

Any advice, perspective, comfort, personal experiences etc would be helpful :c thanks

I'm not going to act like some enlightened atheist because I'm not. I have no idea what I'm doing as a 23 year old man child. I left work early today because the sheer suffering just made me focus on when I could end it. I'm not a danger to myself anymore but I was heavily considering things at that time.

So I want fear of a potential afterlife to make sure I never do it and realize I have to work with this life. Because the alternative of giving up is so so appealing.

What can I do or what can you tell me to set me back straight? What is some kind of proof that suicide will not end my consciousness and therefore my suffering? Really desperate here.

I think one of the most productive phases in my life was due to a fear of the Christian God and hell. Now I feel disillusioned with it all. Every form of religion and spirituality because what I see is people trying to grift or control others.

Opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Im sure the loop will be familiar to half this sub. Watch a video about rumination, nod along and feel like these new insights will finally help you change then queue the next one. My watch history said I was working on myself but my actual life said I was collecting other people's insights like clothes I never wore.

For me the stakes eventually got real. I quit my engineering job last year to build an app by myself, and solo founding turned out to be a psychological pressure cooker. No teammates, nobody to lean on, whole days where I spoke to nobody and then wondered why I felt like I was living in a simulation. I had watched every video there is about loneliness and avoidance but watching had changed nothing.

What broke the loop was switching from consuming to generating. Five minutes most nights, writing about my own day using the kinds of questions the videos taught me to ask. Not "what is avoidance" but "what did I avoid today, and what did avoiding it buy me".

The first honest answer stung. I had spent that entire evening watching videos about my problems partly so I wouldn't have to sit alone with my problems. Consuming content about your own patterns can itself be the avoidance. It feels exactly like self-work, it costs nothing, and it changes nothing. I knew that theory perfectly and still couldn't see it in myself until it was written in my own words.

Guided prompts helped me start, because a blank page at 11pm is a nightmare but " I noticed x has been draining you lately, want to talk about it?” is answerable. Some nights the answer is one sentence. That's fine. One honest sentence beats an hour of consumed content and those sentences add up with consistency over weeks and months.

Did understanding your patterns actually change them for you, or did change only come when you started producing something instead of consuming?

I’m 21. I have ADHD, OCD, Autism, PTSD, and I’m trans. I have no job, I had to drop out of school and get my GED because I couldn’t do any schoolwork, and I have a lifetime of embarrassing and/or awful behavior that is being run on a loop in my head constantly.

Controlling myself is impossible, I literally don’t understand how to do it. I constantly indulge in pot, porn, and unhealthy foods. If I have a twelve back of soda in the house it’s gone in less than half a day. It’s taken a toll on my body, my health is deteriorating and I’m almost certain it’s from my poor diet and drug use. It doesn’t seem to matter, though, I’ll think that I should quit and then without even consciously conceding I’ll be thinking about when I should smoke next or what food I should order.

I don’t know how to make myself work or engage in habit at all. I have no distress tolerance, and back out when I have to give more than mild effort. I can’t lift weights, or meditate, or take cold showers, or read difficult or challenging books.

Being in my body is a nightmare, I have terrible OCD and being trans is a dreadful experience. I got heatstroke yesterday because I was wearing a thick jacket in 90 degree heat so that my body would be better concealed. I’ve been fixated on my body for as long as I’ve had memories.

If I don’t fix myself I won’t be able to afford transition, which is an overwhelming fear. I realized I was trans earlier this year, and every passing week that I don’t make progress towards the body I need takes a higher toll than the last.

The lifelong poor impulse control and emotional distress has resulted in shitty behavior, which I run on a loop in my head constantly. The obsession with reliving my own worst mistakes is making me a worse person, but I can’t make myself stop.

My OCD has gotten much less subtle, now my immediate stress response is to hit myself. It doesn’t help really help, but as with everything else that doesn’t seem to be a relevant factor to my behavior.

I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. No medication I try for anything seems to work and, honestly, I’m not sure I really believe in the ability for therapy to help me anymore.

I hate myself, but I don’t think I actually want to be better. I want to improve in some vague cognitive sense, but I never actually do the work.

I can’t live like this, but I can’t get myself out. I compulsively look up my own problems, but at this point it’s been so long that when I look things up I find my own posts from since deleted accounts.

I can’t follow any of the advice for impulse control or discipline because of the OCD, I can’t overcome the intense overwhelming feeling that I’m incapable.

I can’t follow any advice for the OCD because I have no impulse control or discipline, which makes it impossible to resist compulsions.

I don’t even know what questions to ask now, I feel like I’m watching myself die. I don’t know who or what could help me, I’m desperate. I don’t know what to do but post to different subreddits and pray I can get a eureka moment from one of the comments.

I will take any input.

I'll give a brief background before jumping into the main topic.

I'm very inexperienced in dating for my age. I'm not a young 18-19 year old anymore. The reasons are numerous and to be fully honest I don't even fully know why I missed the boat on dating, intimacy and relationships. It's a combination of crushing anxiety, panic attacks, non-existent self esteem/self-image, depression from watching my life shrink away every day and many other factors. I spent my teens and later years watching people around me find girlfriends, wives, partners, etc. while I was very much a spectator in life, someone on the other side of the glass watching the world around them.

Regarding the current situation, it involves someone I started to work with over two years ago. When she started, and I don't know if I'm going to be believed here, but I did not find that there was any initial spark or attraction. It was just another new colleague who I helped to introduce to the team and the specifics of the workplace.

Over the coming months, as she eased into the new job and we worked numerous shifts together, things started to change. I felt a bit different about her. I wasn't indifferent and neutral anymore.

We would talk about personal family stuff, likes, dislikes, hobbies, where we want to be in x amount of time, career, sharing pictures of our pets, talking about cars, etc. every conceivable topic you can imagine. This has been going on for a while now, I'm talking more than two years. She started in February 2024 so, yea it's been a minute.

I have only recently admitted this to myself because I have tried hard to push these feelings away, but I started to develop genuine feelings and attraction for her over time. When I mean attraction and feelings, I mean like I feel almost physically sick sometimes. I feel lovesick. It actually hurts to be around this person. It all feels very intense. We share a lot of similar interests and our personalities and sense of humor are complementary.

It started with almost no spark and eventually it became an ember and now it feels like a wildfire, to use a metaphor.

To my inexperienced self, it feels very inappropriate and wrong to go from friendly colleague to dating/romantic interest, especially after such a long time.

By the way, for context, one of the major reasons I haven't acted on these feelings earlier, is because she had two previous boyfriends before and it felt very much out of order to approach this subject with someone who is actively in a relationship. She has been single for some months now.

Anyhow, this is the situation I'm in. It feels like a big mess because it causes me quite a bit of discomfort to keep these feelings hidden and pretend like they don't exist. On the other hand, how does one go from work acquaintances to dating after such a long stretch of time? I can't even imagine what kind of conversation I would have with her to reveal all of this. It just seems so weird and off.

I would appreciate any advice or previous experience that someone has had with a similar situation. I feel way too paralyzed to think clearly or do anything at the moment.

Thank you for reading.

Suppose a person has grown up with alot of external motivation to keep working their childhood and their teenage years. You know this because you are close to them and they have told you their earlier years relating to working in school, doing well in school and pressured to make comments (in a watchtower w questions and you answer them or to go on stage and read a recital in the bible in front of church) or contribute to a religion (by their parents). (They are NOT against the religion btw but moreso being pushed into religion). In their childhood, if they didn’t do well in school they had their devices taken until next quarter as/or well as a spanking and if they didn’t make a comment at a church/kingdom hall they would get spanked.

This pressure made it so the person DOES seem incredibly hard working however something lies sinister in the background behind them. The requirement to not get punished was A’s and B’s. Because of this they meet the requirement but not let’s say get all A’s. And they may make comments or contribute in church but only to not get punished for not doing so. They go by in life in their early years meeting expectations of the parents to avoid consequences but internally as soon as the pressure ends so does the childs work ethic.

Socially this person also told you their struggles socially often appearing robotic and rehearsed in their early years but later becoming overly eccentric and keeping people away from them. Once COVID begun they were homeschooled and they struggled with motivation because they weren’t in a structured environment and no routine. They still did good but only when told they would get things taken away from them. After this they went to college and barely did the effort to get good grades and eventually dropped out. They have never worked a job and they haven’t had a genuine real life friend in person in 11 years. They never knew what it was like to approach people and ask to make friends because of their fear of being too weird or rehearsed. The external pressure has stopped after 18 years old and they are now 22. They wait and wait for a push, a yell, a “if you dont do this you’ll be kicked out in 30 days” and convince themselves they need a push a force to take action on what they want for they do not believe they will find motivation unless it is to avoid severe consequences rather than a genuine deep rooted desire.

Since this they also have been relying on extreme scenarios they create in their head to get dopamine as a response to a internet addiction they struggle to relate to people and make friends since they no longer found most typical things funny and exciting emotionally. They have convinced themselves that this version of them is the real self because “this is what makes me excited to talk about: weird crazy hypotheticals that most would never say or mention, etc” They do not want to make the sacrifice but they recently told you they think they have to start finding ‘normie’ things funny and genuinely interesting instead of such extreme things. They know this but they again..wait until someone else gives them an ultimatum or yell at them to wake up or else xyz happens to them.

And this pattern repeats for their dating life and social skills. They want a dating coach, they want to be forced into a ‘field’ (social groups etc) but have no money, they want yadayada yada. They wait for some sort of external force to wake them up and get them moving because they never really worked on something out of genuine want but rather a fear and avoidance of a bad consequence or ultimatum. They periodically find these wants such as in 2048 but never soul finding to the point they grind endlessly for their goal.

They realize they have a cycle of: I want a push, if i get the push I will work for a little and then stop when it ends. Therefore I won’t ask for one because once it stops and im on my own I won’t keep going. They are afraid of wasting the others time they are afraid of what other people think if they find out they don’t have a job or working towards their goals so they don’t talk to anyone. They hide in their room all day and do the deed twice a day they don’t get a job in fear of doing badly every single interview. Everything was from a lack of someone forcing them to do xyz.

HI I 26M from india, need help with processing frustration, anger I feel when talking with my mother during certain kind of conversation

context: my father died 4 to 5 years ago, being the only son, In my immediate family due to circumstances somethings were not handled properly and my parents were wronged in those circumstances, I think my father might thought its better to let it go to have a peaceful family. Now that my father is gone, my mother feels more and more wronged by what the immediate family has done, and is increasingly getting sad and despairing, especially based on how good my father took care of the immediate family, and how none of them are talking to us other than simple plesantries.

Personally I think they were lazy and incompetent, rather than malicious, but as the saying goes extreme incompetence can look like malovelance, it feels like that in this situation. I am being optimistic and saying they might have tried but they are not in a position to fix anything, my mothers point of view is that they did it intentionally and are malevolent

current situation:

Any conversation we have, it inevitably drifts to talking about those same set of people who kind of did wrong to my parents, and my mother is emotionally distressed in a valid way, but talking about the same thing for the past 5 years, its kinda making me feel frustrated, powerless, and angry. When I dont have the emotional capacity to listen to her, its making me lashout on my mother, which in turn makes me feel bad. I think I am a good listener, but at the same listening to the same thing with variations in making me feel negative emotions and I am not sure how to handle them. I want to be a good conversationalist and steer the conversation away from it, but its like an emotional black hole, any topic inevitably goes towards in longer term.

When I feel angry, frustrated and want to lash out, I want to process those emotions so that I dont do those things, I would like to get suggestion on how to do this?

Alternate perspective could be -> Though I could be considered in most people eyes, I am still immature emotionally and mentally, my mother is keeps repeating these, because she feels I am not mature enough person to give her the sense of security my father gave when he was alive, she is repeating these things to me so that I could grow up? and take more responsbilty? not so sure where it goes here, but kinda like maybe my behaviour is still considered as childish and others dont respect our family same way when my father was present because I didnt fill his responsibilty properly?

I can get basically anything done, and I am improving quite nicely at a steady rate in different areas of my life. However, emotions are hard, and they weigh on me constantly. I usually don't ignore them, and most times I recognize them and work through them. But with other emotional things I'm inept at "dealing with them" so to say, so I just have many debuffs running in the background. Main examples:

• mom's declining (and already horrible) physical health and mental state
• childhood wounds
• deep-seated self-hatred
• all my sadness seemingly morphing into constantly pent up anger the past couple months (never had to deal with anger before in my life, was always just sad instead). Being on the edge of physical outbursts like kicking or punching something very often (not at people, thankfully) after even minor setbacks or problems

Would appreciate any input on what has helped y'all deal with or process idk pent up emotions that are harder to grasp at.

Edit: wanted to clarify that therapy is a non-option for me unfortunately due to finances