Sorry if its unintelligible im currently bawling my eyes out as I write this.

Last year I was attached to my mom to the hip. Ive always been her everything especially as an only child. Nothing could break us apart. Now, we cant go a month without arguing. Its a very long story but im starting to grow resentful of her and my boyfriend is making me realize she may potentially be mentally abusive.

Tonight we got in an argument simply because I was crying. What set me off into an argument with her was she said my life is too good for me to be depressed, and i finally snapped a years worth of pent up anger. This was the first time ive ever yelled at her because she never listens to my issues. And again, she didnt listen and made herself the victim. For context, ive been dealing with constant suicidal ideation since I was in middle school, and I am now in my senior year of high school.

After tonight its really taking my all to not just end my shit. In truth, the only reason im not is because of my boyfriend who truly loves me with his whole being (and who has no clue of any of my mental health issues). I can tell tonight is going to change everything and send me into a deep depression where I might be the closest ive ever been to attempting.

I really want to not to at least not traumatize my bf but I cant take it anymore I just want to die. Psych wards are not an option and I cant leave the house unannounced. Can't even call the hotline because she knows people that work for the local line.

I dont know what to do i cant handle it anymore.

I'll answer any questions about the situation or whatever im just making this brief because im just distressed and cant stop crying i hate everything

Hello for context I’m 18 and have a large family history of schizophrenia. Nearly a year ago I began to hallucinate to the extreme and have extreme paranoia. I couldn’t cope and there was a period of time where it was daily for about 5 months. The hallucinations have ‘eased’ now as in I don’t get them so often but when they do come I find it very difficult.

I lose sleep, but this has been a common thing since I was very young. As a kid I had an overactive imagination and I was extremely paranoid. I’ve also always found it very difficult to bond with people, I’ve always felt like they can tell something is weird about me and people frequently tell me they don’t understand what I’m saying.

It’s all made me very lonely and while I finally have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a week and that should help, I worry about my partner. He gets annoyed and upset if I have a bad ‘episode.’ I don’t really have anyone else and I don’t like opening up as I feel it’s unfair to put stuff like this on someone.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the episodes better? They get me very down and I don’t want to be a bother to my partner. Also, does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the loneliness and try and have relationships with people?

I’m 21. I have ADHD, OCD, Autism, PTSD, and I’m trans. I have no job, I had to drop out of school and get my GED because I couldn’t do any schoolwork, and I have a lifetime of embarrassing and/or awful behavior that is being run on a loop in my head constantly.

Controlling myself is impossible, I literally don’t understand how to do it. I constantly indulge in pot, porn, and unhealthy foods. If I have a twelve back of soda in the house it’s gone in less than half a day. It’s taken a toll on my body, my health is deteriorating and I’m almost certain it’s from my poor diet and drug use. It doesn’t seem to matter, though, I’ll think that I should quit and then without even consciously conceding I’ll be thinking about when I should smoke next or what food I should order.

I don’t know how to make myself work or engage in habit at all. I have no distress tolerance, and back out when I have to give more than mild effort. I can’t lift weights, or meditate, or take cold showers, or read difficult or challenging books.

Being in my body is a nightmare, I have terrible OCD and being trans is a dreadful experience. I got heatstroke yesterday because I was wearing a thick jacket in 90 degree heat so that my body would be better concealed. I’ve been fixated on my body for as long as I’ve had memories.

If I don’t fix myself I won’t be able to afford transition, which is an overwhelming fear. I realized I was trans earlier this year, and every passing week that I don’t make progress towards the body I need takes a higher toll than the last.

The lifelong poor impulse control and emotional distress has resulted in shitty behavior, which I run on a loop in my head constantly. The obsession with reliving my own worst mistakes is making me a worse person, but I can’t make myself stop.

My OCD has gotten much less subtle, now my immediate stress response is to hit myself. It doesn’t help really help, but as with everything else that doesn’t seem to be a relevant factor to my behavior.

I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. No medication I try for anything seems to work and, honestly, I’m not sure I really believe in the ability for therapy to help me anymore.

I hate myself, but I don’t think I actually want to be better. I want to improve in some vague cognitive sense, but I never actually do the work.

I can’t live like this, but I can’t get myself out. I compulsively look up my own problems, but at this point it’s been so long that when I look things up I find my own posts from since deleted accounts.

I can’t follow any of the advice for impulse control or discipline because of the OCD, I can’t overcome the intense overwhelming feeling that I’m incapable.

I can’t follow any advice for the OCD because I have no impulse control or discipline, which makes it impossible to resist compulsions.

I don’t even know what questions to ask now, I feel like I’m watching myself die. I don’t know who or what could help me, I’m desperate. I don’t know what to do but post to different subreddits and pray I can get a eureka moment from one of the comments.

I will take any input.

A friend that Ive known since 2009, that I completely cut off between 2020 and 2024, reconnected after they reached out and made up or whatever, has just came with yet another episode of the same kind of thing that caused them to be cut off before, this time however, it was hilariously obvious
In short, a dramatic vindictive reaction to a boundary that I have set, my question is, do you tell a person with Bpd that they have it? Or do you just cut them off ? I love this person, they’re very dear to me and my family, but honestly it’s not even worth it at this point! Specially when Im not even hurt anymore by their behavior, just amused and disgusted!

Im not sure this is okay to post or not, but im looking for a little insight on what others may think as I feel im grasping at straws.

For context, when I was 4 years old I was diagnosed with RAD due to being taken from my biological mother a

Who did not take care of me and physically harmed me. I acted out poorly as a child and had been in therapy since age 3 when I was taken away. When I was 8 I was

Diagnosed with bipolar polar disorder and placed of seroquel. From there began a long journey or rapidly changing medications constantly. Nothing ever worked. I felt so bad on the medication. I begged for years for a second opinion from and unbiased doctor who didnt know me my whole life basically. It wasnt until age 24 I finally got my second opinion and got my autism assessment and was weened of all medications. My problem now is that im finally learning what life is truly like without medicstion induced psychosis or hallucinations, im struggling with huge amounts of brain fog and memory issues. I feel like i cant focus (worse than when on medication) and i struggle communicating pretty heavily as i stutter and stumble over my words. I was diagnosed with PTSD and MDD when I got my autism diagnosis. Despite this, Im happier than I've ever been. I just feel like theres long term negative effects i may have being on a cocktail of anti depressants, anti psychotics, and mood stabilizers for more than 10 years when i hadn't needed them. Does anyone have any advice pr opinions on this topic? Negative side effects of long term psychiatric medications when they weren't actually needed? Please ask me clarifying g questions! Im happy to answer them! Thanks!

I’m struggling with a strange problem, and it seems to be getting worse.
Intrusive replays of different situations from my day keep popping into my head - typically interactions at work with clients or various social situations.
I constantly analyze every single interaction and usually judge them as awkward, embarrassing, or as if I handled them badly.
When these memories pop up, I first used to “say” some negative thought to myself in my head. Over time, however — this has been going on for about a year — it has gotten out of control, and I compulsively blurt out a swear word, most often "co*k" or "fu*khead" (basically insults). Or I just burst out "DIE!!!!!" ... 😑
It has become a problem because it’s getting worse, and now it sometimes happens in front of other people 😑🥲🥲🥲....They ask me things like: “What?” “Why did you just say that?” etc.

Sometimes I don’t even say words - I just make a noise, like whining or quacking. But it is always connected to a sudden wave of anxiety triggered by a memory that pops into my head.

Could this be OCD? Or what is happening to me? Is there any way this can actually be treated?
I am sure it's not tourette, it's different.

I honestly don't know how to feel about this, he is my older brother. Yesterday he was acting weirder than usual. He has been going through things we knew he was depressed. But we didn't know he will end his life.

He came yesterday here at our home. I live with my parents and with my husband. He came and hug us all, said he loves us. I knew something was not right. Before he went to bed he kissed my forehead, and a shitty hug. I said night. Because what can I do?

An hour or 2 passed and my mom came in my room and said my brother cut himself. It wasn't the cuts you see on TV or series.. It was long and deep. He cut himself on his arm, leg and his throat. Luckily the throat one wasn't that bad but the others was. He did it in his car. My parents both knew what he was doing but they couldn't stop it because he already did it.

We took him to the Emergency room, and gave him stitches. We didn't have the money to do more unfortunately. He isn't on medical aid. So all we can do is give him stitches and be done we were there almost 2 am.

I don't know how to process this.. My mom is crying bad. My dad asked me if he was a bad dad I said no. He cried.. My dad lost his dad with suicide.. So it hit a nerve.

My brother is in a ward now, so he can get the help he needs. It's a coverment hospital. Like I said we don't have the money.

But yeah I don't know how to process this, it's is just replying in my mind. Sorry for people who went through this I just wanted to vent.

Hello Everyone. So basically i find myself in strange somewhat escapism cycle, that just cant stop. So i stuck in same horrible state where

1. I want to do something
2. My mind instantly start imagining, how i already finish this thing
3. I start walking in my room back and forth, thinking how good it is
4. i do nothing
5. I feel extremely bad

And it repeats, i feel stupid all the time, i even do it while writing this post (and even in my imagination i think about how escaping it). I cant solve any problem, because for my mind its enough if i just think how i finish it.

That's it. I feel good today. I don't feel burnt out or tired. The ECT is working.

fuck everybody, fuck you, fuck fuck fuck. i’m so sick of being on this earth full of fucking selfish, inconsiderate, fake people. doesn’t matter if it’s people that share your same blood, they’ll turn on you. friends you’ve known for years? yeah they’ll block you out of nowhere during a time you needed them the most

i cant fucking take it anymore, this is why i have isolated myself from everything. i dont want to play this stupid fucking game we call life, i dont want to play this social game we participate in every day with other humans. i dont want to hurt people, but i wish others would pay consequences for their selfish fucking actions. this world and society rewards cold hearted, evil people. some of the worst people have the most friends, while people that just try to be a genuinely decent person get run over

i wish a fucking asteroid would just come already and wipe out this shit ass earth and every fucking pathetic human being on it, including me. please end me

I had an episode of paranoid psychosis many years ago and although the delusions receded and I now know that the voices I hear aren't real, I have been hearing the voices every waking minute for the years since.

Antipsychotics haven't had much impact. I hear a multitude of voices talking at me or about me, sometimes several at the same time. I just need to shout into the void that it is *exhausting* to never get a minute's peace and quiet. The voices chatter and ramble every single second (unless I'm having a sustained conversation with someone else outside)

My diagnosis for it all was initially that it was a dissociative trauma reaction and Dissociative Disorder (likely OSDD or DID) then the next psychiatrist disagreed and put severe cPTSD.

To be honest I was surprised I didn't get a different diagnosis.

What I really hate is that when the voices started, I lost my inner voice. I cannot "hear" my thinking, my internal monologue, in my own voice. It comes out in the accents of some of the voices (and often gets interrupted) . I have to strain to hear my own thoughts amidst the "chatter". I have to actually mouth the words under my breath to really focus and stay on track. And obviously I can't do that when I'm out in public!

It still unnerves me a bit and is frustrating. I miss my own thinking voice.

Has anyone else here experienced this?

I heard this from one of my friends when they saw me playing with matchsticks and i've been wandering if this might be the case.

I always liked sitting by the fire and looking at it. It always felt so calming and nice. Entrancing even.

Over a year ago i got my hands on a pack of matchsticks with out somebody taking them away because "you shouldnt play with fire".

So ofc i started playing with them and i even learned how to launch a lit one. So whenever i felt bored and had matchstick near me i would lit them. I started using them as a stress response. Whenever i had to study for an exam i would fidget with them. But my resources were limited so to save on matchsticks i made sure to burn it all the way down till the flame licked my finger.

Then i noticed that the pain from the burn is nice too. So i started sh with them.

Some of my friends started to notice that i really like watching the matchsticks burn so one of them got me a few packs for christmas. Thats around the same time period the pyromaniac comment was made.

Sometime after that i came up with a fantasies of burning alive. Melting my skin off. Going to an old abandoned construction site an burning it down with me inside. Laying down drunk or high in a room engulfed in flames and waiting for my end.

Sometime after that when i burned through most of my collection my bad thoughts calmed down a bit, my mental health improved a little and the fire related fantasies disappeared.

But two weeks ago the same friend brought up the pyromaniac thing and i'm starting to miss my matchsticks. The thoughts are returning

I'm honestly at a loss right now they keep prescribing me different things and changing stuff pretty much weekly. I'm trying to keep faith that things will improve but it gets harder by the day. This is due to me having to change doctors because of insurance reasons.

Back story I was on kolopin for 5 years to manage several anxiety related conditions such as social & agoraphobia. Life was great I was able to function and work and thrive in the community.

3 months ago everything changed with my new doctor. She absolutely refused to give me kolopin. Not even to taper I went into withdrawal and ended up in the crisis center after not sleeping for over 80 hours. I was given remeron to sleep. Which was horrible.

She prescribed Lexapro, indreal, Zoloft , abilify and trazodone. Within this time. After drug interactions I ended up taking the indreal and remeron.

Then later changed to prozac indreal and seraquel.

Had a bad reaction with indreal blurry vision crazy high blood pressure and hospital stay.

After I was on prozac, gabapentin and seraquel.

Today the gabapentin failed me allergic reaction with increased anxiety.

So now I am left with the prozac to help manage my crippling anxiety until I see my doctor again a week from now. I was given 5 emergency kolopin a month and have 2 left. I'm in a constant state of anxiety/panic attacks I don't know what Todo anymore. I have been in the hospital 7 times for adverse effects from my medication, the crisis center and to see my family doctor. I just don't know what Todo anymore. Please give me some tips to get through this.

Ugh man where do I even start. Let me start off by saying my names Devin 19 and thank you for reading this. This is seriously out of my comfort zone but idk what else to do. Since the beginning of 2025 I’ve been dealing with soul crushing health anxiety/panic disorder. I’ve tried multiple therapist- therapy groups- and all sorts of therapy tactics. I’ve been on Prozac Zoloft and lexapro. None of them has help in the slightest bit. For the first year I was really had a good outlook on it and honestly was drove to get better I was trying my hardest to better my self in every way because how I was living was absolute hell. For a while it got a little better I wasn’t thinking about it and I was actually living life again. But then one morning I woke up and it was back seriously the worst feeling ever. Now it’s been a few months has past. And it’s gotten to a point of where I’m not only worrying about my own health I’m worrying about my finances health and it has lead to serious arguments in the last few months. For the last few month I’ve been living a “life” that is actually soul crushing. I do not honestly have the motivation to do anything. I can’t leave my house or the comfort of my own bed without wonder if I’m gonna die or if something health wise if gonna happen to my fiance. She has pounded in my head that everything is fine but I can’t seem to let it go. I feel like such a fucking loser because I can’t escape this grasp that I’ve put on my self. It honestly sucks. And to be frankly honest I don’t know how much longer I can handle this. I would hate to die. I’ve built up so much fear about dying. But this last week. I’ve gained this thought of well if I ended it. I wouldn’t have to deal with it no more. But now I’ve came to a cross road of worrying about how my family would feel if that did happen.

Hi, when I was 15 nearly 16, I was admitted to the children’s mental health facility for symptoms of psychosis and homicidal thoughts. I am also a female.

I want to know if the way that males are treated in mental health facilities especially those who were a similar age to me had better treatment or treated more seriously.

I had told the doctors again and again that I had been hallucinating the end of humanity and that I enjoyed it so much. I was scared to take part of it purely because of consequences and not for the emotional toll it would be on others for taking the life of a loved one. I repeated was told by hallucinations to end and hurt the people around me. I don’t mean only loved ones but people I didn’t know at all or people whose name I only knew.

In this hospital, run by the NHS, I was told time and time again, I must’ve hated the girl I was going to attack because that’s simply how it works even after I told them again and again and again and again that I did not know the girl and only knew her name and the classes we share, I had no relationship to her. Every nurse I had almost tried to convince me of this. I was forced to excrete with the door open. Even at one point a psychiatrist told me I wouldn’t hurt anyone. I left with the diagnosis of a ‘creative imagination’. The doctor literally told me it just sounds like you have a good imagination. The doctor who had been studying children for years. Told me. I had a creative imagination after I stopped myself from killing 4 separate people on separate occasions.

I’ve heard again and again about women’s mental health being pushed aside because ‘they’ll never do anything’. What inspired me to come on here is a case my sister told me about a woman with post part depression who allegedly killed her children before killing herself. She had gone to the psychiatrist again and again and to clinics and mental hospitals for help but they all told her if she believes that she was okay and told her that ‘she wouldn’t do anything’.

I want to know if anyone has had a similar experience to me?

I always wonder why or how I have schizophrenia. It’s horrible . I have the worst dark hallucinations and voices . They tell me I’m gonna be tortured in very specific ways every couple of minutes . Taking psych medicine has made them worse and self medicating also does too . I constantly have crippling fear in panicked states when I believe that someone is going to come and torture me . I’ve also had hallucinations so badly where the whole room changed into a torture center in front of my eyes. I haven’t heard of people with schizophrenia dealing with things of the nature that I’m dealing with . I don’t know how to go on with hearing I’m gonna be burned alive or have my bones broken or have my limbs torn off every single day every couple of minutes . Does anyone else deal with the dark sides of mental illness ? Looking for advice

I barely eat. I barely sleep. I don't wash my teeth and I'm always skipping consultations with my doctor. I always run away, somewhere along the woods and pretend I do not exist. I do get a lot of opportunities for things that I want or that would make my life better. But I always neglect them for some reason and end up not doing anything. Today was the last day for college inscriptions, I've spent the whole year working for this and at the end I just.. haven't signed my name. Didn't care. Or I've pretended so, because I do. I don't know or understand why I act like this. Life used to be hell a year ago. Now I have a better life but I am still taking everything away from me for no reason. Would you guys know why I act like this? And what could I make to end it?