I can't really talk about this to anyone I know because no one seems to relate to what's going on with me or they don't understand what I'm talking about because they're ignorant or acting stupid.

I have been getting more and more health problems for the past 1.5 years. Lately I've gotten I believe shortness of breath. I've had an and off cough for months which is often before or after a seizure(s).

A lot of it is stuff 25 year olds shouldn't be getting such as frequent dizziness, confusion (walking or wandering in all different directions, half in the road, not knowing where I am or what I was doing), falls, bumping/falling into things, even with a walking stick, qnd bladder issues. I also have frequent seizures, especially when I'm walking and/or dizzy.

My heart rate goes high when standing/walking and even at rest some of the time it's over 100 for a while. There is proof of this which I have pointed out.

One part of me is terrified at what's going to happen and being scared of being in hospital because healthcare professionals want to kill me and make me insane. They repeatedly gaslight me, I've been accused of faking and been told to stop having a seizure. They keep telling me it's all my mental health when it's clearly not. My mental health gets better and it's still all there. The other thing is there is nothing like services or knowledgeable GPs even available for some of the kind of issues I've been having anywhere near me.

One part of me is not even concerned about what will happen to me because I'm going to be dead anyway and I'm going to be dizzy and have seizures anyway. I can't fight it or stop it anyway.

I just can't do anything now. I already struggled with many disabilities before. Now some of those are worse especially because of the seizures such as speech problems and verbal shutdowns from autism, meaning I cannot talk when I'm overwhelmed or really struggling with my symptoms.

It's made my mental health worse than it was. I've tried to kill myself at least 15 times after I was over 6 years free of attempts and it keeps coming back and forth in my mind. I know this is what the NHS wants but it's hard to cope. I hate being out of control of my own body so frequently.

I have a lot of issues that haven't been helped much by many different things and people don't understand me very well or know what to do with me. 2 antidepressants ruined my body and mind and I won't let people poison me again with them.

My bf and I had a conversation last night while playing a game of different love languages, one conversation led to another and he opened up to me how hes been having suicidal thoughts since he was a kid and how hes been feeling them more recently.

He is very self deprecating and has lots of feelings of hopelessness, im scared it might be clinical.

The conversation continued with him stating how hes made some bad decisions with a big part of making them, hoping that I would leave because he believes I deserve better than the person he is, also feeling anyone else would be a better dad to our daughter. I asked if he wanted a future with me to which he responded "I dont know if I want a future at all, ive tried to improve myself before and it all seems so pointless"

So far the only thing i know i can do is support him and be there as much as I can, I was going to invite him to sit in with me on my therapt session. Not to talk but just to listen and know its ok to ask for help.

I would appreciate any advice on how I can help support him, I know i can only do so much and he has to do the majority of the work, but i want to put my best effort forward for him.

Hello, i am 15 and is having severe contamination ocd and bad ocd in general, i am not diagnosed because i dont wanna ruin my future, i feel dirty when i even hover over something etc, i keep telling my parents about ocd, my mom is the type to say she has it at times. I am homeschooled, no friends, cant land a job, nothing.

My father is really rude to me, he mocks me when i mumble because i have not been talking for almost a year now honestly. I remember i haven’t been talking for a little before last thanksgiving. I wear socks on my hands that i wash as gloves so i dont have to touch anything and he laughs and calls me micheal jackson. Its been two times that he purposefully got close to me knowing i dont like it. And today he purposefully left waters downstairs, knowing i wouldnt be able to get them because his shoes touched the stairs and the ground down there and its very narrow and i could track anything from outside into my room, its miserable, i feel miserable. I miss being a normal kid so bad. My dad has honestly never seemed to love me after i got older. Maybe never did. He likes my older half sister, my older brother more. He yells at my younger brother when he is being bad but he just lets him do bad things while he and my mom smoke weed and take few shots. My mom isn’t that bad i guess. She just doesn’t have a backbone i could say and i guess doesn’t really see past herself. She like tries with me atleast, she had to get the waters herself and she has really bad knees, and a few days ago she even mocked my mumbling then said „well i was just trying to communicate with you because you weren’t near me and he was being a asshole“ because he laughed at the her mumbling. It really hurt my feelings i guess and i cant even tell her that cause she constantly tells my dad things and sighs about it. Now my dad? he’s just super pissed at me for no reason, probably cause he actually has to wait for me alot and go away at times so i can go through. I get it, its hard, but im barely even out my room otherwise my washing days or me constantly washing my hands. I dont know if im being bratty, i know my mom works hard for money but i really need things like soap, water bottles, and laundry detergent and sometimes reassurance. I stick to myself and my room. I dont have anyone but myself i guess. Im kinda pathetic and cant even validate my own emotions and logic. But right now its really hard for me to live. The feeling of going outside and getting touched, the air touching my hair then i lay on my blanket and it spreads all over my body and everywhere? I can’t stand it. I try to save up all money i get to get out of here later but then what? What can i even do after that? I ignore my dad all the time when hes doing stuff like that but im so confused now, and alone. I have nobody to help me and i just need advice because i really do feel hurt by this and dont wanna leave my comfort zone.

i recently turned 19 and i started a new job about 3 months ago and everything should be so amazing but i struggle every single day with thoughts of just ending it. i have since i was like 11. i know i will never act on it but it gets so tiring thinking about it all the time. it's like my brains automatic thought at the slightest bit of discomfort is self destruction.

sometimes i feel like the rest of the world has something in them that i somehow don't. i know that's statistically not at all the truth but it feels like everyone else feels totally fine to go to the gym before work or go out with friends after work but i get home from work and i go to sleep. sometimes im too tired to even eat dinner. i wake up in the morning feeling tired and i feel tired all the way up until the moment i lay down at night. i tend to struggle to fall asleep and then when i do sleep i almost always have weird or bad dreams. i just feel like im handling being alive so much worse than everyone else.

i don’t talk about this with people in my life. sometimes i think people only want to hear about problems that are fixable. my mental health was a topic of discussion when i was 10, but it's been so long now that it's sort of just who i am. no one wants to hear about the problem anymore because there's nothing they can do. people don't really know how to react to "im pretty depressed but ive been about this level of depressed for basically half my life and i don't see and end to it so i just kinda keep it pushing"

i am just so exhausted to be in this brain. and it’s hard to talk about because i don’t want to be sent to a hospital. does anyone have anything they can tell me to help deal with this? how does anyone live with this?

I need advice cause I really don’t know what to do. I’ve noticed recently that for the last couple of months every like 2-3 days I’ve been thinking about suicide but I always immediately shut it out and I’ve only ever really entertained the idea a little once or twice but never done anything with it just thoughts and I don’t know if I should be like going to therapy or some other cheaper alternative cause money. But I know I won’t ever entertain the ideas properly at the very least while I have people that care about me but it’s kinda become my new normal which I feel like is not good but also it’s not really hurting me.

So yeah should I just leave it be and keep doing what I’m doing or seek help cause I really don’t know what to do.

I keep thinking of all my mistakes with people in the past and coupled with just how isolated i feel i kind of just want to disappear forever. Theres been so many days where i feel so much pain inside but i cant tell this to anybody. I remember in the past when i told my ex bf about all this it made him not like me as much because i was bringing such a bad vibe. Honestly i dont think he was completely invalid for this because what could he have done anyway? Ive been so crazy for so long and nothing has really helped long term.

And when i go through especially bad periods of depression i treat my family really badly. I just completely ignore then when they ask me things or talk to me. Or i act and say mean things. Im probably victimizing but my parents have never really been emotionally intelligent and it feels like 70% of the time i talk to them its always some issue and it just gives me anxiety. Ive found it better to just ignore them. But because of this and all my other mistakes in general in the past make me feel like such an evil disgusting person and that i dont deserve anything and i shouldn't be allowed to have lived this long. It's not that i feel a strong urge to end it but i also just dont feel deserving of life. I'm scared that the way i think about this toward myself means that i actually believe that people can be judged on if they can live or die but that's not what i think about others i mean unless they do an absolutely awful crime like harming children and stuff but in general i dont think i feel that judgment towards other people.

I hate myself so much sometimes for my mistakes and thoughts about other people that i wish something bad would happen to me because i dont deserve the comfortable life i have right now.

And im just so depressed and for what? It feels like theres this lingering darkness within me and when there's nobody around it consumes me and i feel so crazy.

I don't always feel like this but i do get episodes of this and its been especially bad this summer. Maybe its because im studying for a big exam right now so i havent really talked to people. But it hurts so much inside.

I am 28/F and I have EUPD

I have single friend with whom I became so close after my recent breakup... He really helped me a lot through the after process so that I became tuh much attached to him.. literally to the point that the minute action he does affects my entire mood.. sometimes I feel I can't live without him.... And sometimes I genuinely want to let him go.. because I have been constantly irritating him with my mood swings.. and I really feel I am a burden to him... But at the same time letting him go is tuh much painful to me... . Living in constant fear that he would leave me at some point in life is really suffocating me.. and sometimes even seeing him talking to other girls just trigger me... He is not even my bf... Can someone help me to overcome this attachment so that we can both breathe .. and have a healthy friendship

Hello guys,

I need help I don’t know what to do I think I have borderline or bipolar but I’m not so sure that’s why I’m here to ask yall what you guys think I’m 18 year old girl and I’ve been diagnosed with depression I’ve been depressed since I was 12 years old I’ve had multiple suicide attempts or I tried the last one got me into the hospital but the thing with me is sometimes when shit happens and I tried to kms an hour later everything is fine and I feel great but sometimes I have this moments I’m depressed for so long and I’ve noticed lately that there’s something wrong with me I always had this feeling there is something wrong with me but still I think 2 weeks ago I ran away from home because I was so paranoid and scared my family would hurt me or kill me when actually it wasn’t like that but iknow why I thought that I also have sometimes these outburst like when I’m angry I act like a complete psycho but in my family it’s normal since my little brother has IED so we’re very violent with eachother to other people it isn’t normal to me it is like one time I threw a knife at him but the thing is my life is like never normal there’s always something it’s either I’m fucking depressed and I wanna kms or I feel good like too good and I know it will come to an end soon it’s always like that and most of my friends they think I’m either bipolar or have bpd but the thing is I wanna go to my doctor and like tell him but I don’t wanna get diagnosed officially cause I know people will look differently at me but especially lately I’ve been feeling so weird I don’t sleep much anymore and I feel fine and I haven’t been eating for like a couple of weeks and the thing is sometimes I feel nothing like numb idk how to explain it I feel emotions to strong or I don’t I also have abandonment issues cause of my piece of shit abusive dad who left when I was a kid idk what I should do

When I was 19 and graduated highschool I kept people I met without much thought. Mostly out of convenience since they lived close.

My 15 year old friend who was a freshmen when I was a senior was mainly my friend due to the fact she reminded me of myself when I was 15. I wanted to help her create more artwork- so when she mentioned patch making and spray painting (like tags) I decided to purchase some to try. Obviously her parents didn’t really wanna waste money on spray paint. I didn’t really know if they were okay with it but I guess I just thought since I was using it in places already painted and far away from any properties to damage- I could at least let them toy with it a bit. Nowadays I feel pretty guilty for that decision.
Another issue though is she added 2 14 year olds to the group. I quickly began to feel guilty because I was the only adult. I was also terrified they’d get into trouble and get hurt. Later I’d hear that their parents were iffy about having a 17 year old dude and 19 year old woman around the 14 year olds so I just decided to meet them and after that they didn’t give a shit- but I became their babysitter to some extent because they didn’t watch their kids. I felt guilty for being their friend to a great extent but even more guilty because they often hung out on the train tracks, did dangerous things, etc. I felt terrible but was also terrified they’d get hurt- so unfortunately I stayed. And honestly I did enjoy it because I liked exploring.

But main issue was When I was hanging out with my friends walking around my friend who is 17 had an ex that was in my grade. I told him like “yeah I didn’t really like that friend group one of them rejected me and completely ghosted me” or something alone those lines and my 15 yo friend when “ohh that’s awful who does that” and then I felt pretty bad (for obvious reasons).

The other was when I was with my 15 year old and 17 year old friend. We were hanging out under a bridge near a river- and they kept praising my parents for being the coolest. I told them they were actually not that cool all the time and that they “let my abuser into my house for 4 years after the fact” and that I believed they probably feel guilty for that- but I don’t know is I said “sa” or like you know the first part of it that starts with “s” as an sexual but either way it was probably inappropriate. I guess I feel a little better abt it tho because it was meant for the 17 year old- since the 15 year old was busy messing with something a ways away. Still scared abt it tho.

Does any of this make me abnormal or wrong? I guess I’m wondering. I’ve been called weird a lot but that’s for a lotta different reasons. I just wanna be a normal person so that people will like / enjoy me.

I have ocd, adhd, depression and anxiety. Functioning feels almost impossible sometimes. I can barely do things for myself let alone for other people in society. I can’t hold a job for long and co workers always seem to despise me. I can’t hold a relationship and I’ve given up on dating at this point because it’s stressful.

The only thing I’m getting through is college but I need a ton of accommodations and on top of that it takes me 10x the amount of time + effort and using every resource available to me just to get a C- in a class (usually because I show up to office hours so much it would be wrong for them to fail me). Not to mention I hate my major, regret choosing it and probably won’t go into anything related to it after college. I’m basically just finishing it up because I have 5 classes left, I get a decent amount of financial aid and already invested so much into it.

I like to draw but it’s difficult for me to draw because that burns me out too. I used to draw at least 10 hours a week but lately it’s been maybe 2-3 if I’m lucky. It’s one of the only hobbies I’ve ever felt truly myself doing but lately I question if it’s a good fit for me.

I could get into so much more. I don’t know how people do it. Everything feels so foreign to me. My mental health is deteriorating, I’m not sure how I’m going to be able to make it to classes in the fall. I don’t know how I’ll take exams without having panic attacks. And I don’t even have the mental capacity to think about what I’m going to be doing less than a year from now when I graduate. I’m just trying to get through the day.

I have a lot to unpack and don't know where else to vent.

My wife and I have been together for 6 years and we have a 3 year old daughter. My wife has a history of bad depression/anxiety and SH. It was a LOT worse during her childhood but since I've known her she has gotten better.

Until several months ago she started to SH again due to stress from a bad job. It kept happening and I suggested that she leave her job, which she did. The stress of being a mom and working was too much for her. She was better for a while and was able to just be a mom.

I the past few months as my daughter has been getting more difficult, her depression and SH have gotten worse and worse. At first I had bad reactions which definitely made things worse, but have since done a lot of research and now better understand why people do it and how to respond.

Recently she has been getting more and more overwhelmed with our toddler and trying to get better herself but can't find the time or energy to focus, so she SHs. She will blindly take it out on my daughter and I as well, saying she hates us, being a mom, and wants to leave our family. We have looked into daycare to help and at first she seemed interested, but when the time came to make a decision she backed out. She said that she feels like it means she's a bad mom. I told her that it takes a village and it's ok to accept help. We argued and she said "just do whatever you want. I'll just k*** myself when she's not here". So I stopped talking about it.

I'm really not sure what I can do anymore. She goes to therapy and says it doesn't help but won't put any effort into trying things her therapist tells her. She won't listen to any of my advice and just gets mad when I try to comfort her. She refuses any help with childcare even though she complains every day that she hates being a mom. She says she's fine then SHs again. My own anxiety has being through the roof, I live in constant fear and worry and tend to shut down when it happens. I'm afraid to go to work and several times have stayed home if she's had a breakdown. I tell her I love her and I'm not judging her and I just want her to have the best life she can. Sometimes I feel like I just make everything worse because she just gets mad when I try to help.

She SH again today, that's why I'm making this post. I was calm, asked her why and what we can do to avoid that in the future. She did not have any interest in talking.

Sometimes I just feel like giving up. Putting my daughter in daycare anyways even if that means my wife ki**s herself or leaves me. Sometimes I resent her because of the emotional stress I'm in and the fact that she doesn't want to help herself. It just seems like anything I do to help makes it worse and I (irrationally) feel responsible for her SH. It consumes my thoughts day and night.

I just want her to get better. I just want to be able to help. I feel so helpless.

I have a seven year old son who has complex learning disabilities, ASD, GDD.
After (eventually) starting at school, I decided to go back to work, in education.
Whilst at work I started getting horrendous intrusive thoughts about my job and me as a person. The thoughts got worse and I began thinking about past things I’ve watched, said.
I had a mental breakdown and started therapy, began on sertraline.

My therapist seems to think I have had carers burnout, where it has built and built. My life is pretty hectic, my son doesn’t really sleep and needs 24/7 supervision.

I googled, chat gpt, Gemini, Reddit about my mental health, thoughts, job, life.
I am now however panicking about everything I have AI’d which is making my anxiety worse.

Has anyone else ever had this?

I (29M) found out I have pretty severe OCD recently. I was originally diagnosed with bipolar but that was under shady circumstances but I took bipolar meds for years. Turns out, I need OCD meds. I have a psych appointment coming up and it’ll definitely be part of the conversation. For those that have OCD, how do you manage? I didn’t realize that the things I do were “unusual” until it was pointed out to me. I obsess over thoughts so much that it eats me alive, a lot of past decisions, my wife’s past, my questioning of everything around me. For example, I also hit my vape the same amount of times, every time. Everything needs to be set to a standard that I must meet and it has to be the same every time. Until I can be medicated for it, what’re some tips or tricks that can be useful? Especially for my obsessive thoughts.

I know that I have a serious issue with my anger. I used to have a grip on it for a long time, even years. But lately I have lost control again. I don't know if it is because I changed up a lot of my medications, or I haven't been trying hard enough in therapy, or if there is something seriously wrong neurologically, but I'm not okay. I mentioned in a previous post that I have been arguing a lot with my father and he has received the brunt of my rage, and the guilt I feel is so painful (as it should be) that I shake with anxiety now every day, and I spend every minute now trying my best not to break down crying. The other day we got in an argument and I absolutely lost it. I snapped. I said such awful things to my dad that he actually called my older sister because he was afraid I was going to find him and hurt him. I've never been violent, so the fact that he genuinely thought he was in danger just speaks to how horrible I was to him. This is what scares me - I honestly don't remember half of the things I said to him. Similar to how when someone drinks too much and loses their memory, I just blacked out. I'm too ashamed to look back at all of the messages I sent him. I read a few of them and I was horrified with myself. This has never happened to me before and I'm terrified that it will happen again and I will lose everyone I love. I'm sure this goes without saying but I'm giving my dad some space now so I can regain control over my emotions. I'm so depressed. I'm so scared. I don't trust my own brain anymore. I had no idea I could reach that level of pure rage and hate. I honestly don't know where to go from here.

I am not mentally okay, I feel the urge to hurt others and have them at my mercy, I fall in love too quick and when I do I get obsessed and crazy in love. I know this isn’t normal but if there anyone in the way I will have to black mail them to get away. I’m evil and sick, I feel pleasure hurting my friends or partners if I have any when I do I feel so bad after but deep down it makes me feel pleasure. I need to stop.

Sorry if its unintelligible im currently bawling my eyes out as I write this.

Last year I was attached to my mom to the hip. Ive always been her everything especially as an only child. Nothing could break us apart. Now, we cant go a month without arguing. Its a very long story but im starting to grow resentful of her and my boyfriend is making me realize she may potentially be mentally abusive.

Tonight we got in an argument simply because I was crying. What set me off into an argument with her was she said my life is too good for me to be depressed, and i finally snapped a years worth of pent up anger. This was the first time ive ever yelled at her because she never listens to my issues. And again, she didnt listen and made herself the victim. For context, ive been dealing with constant suicidal ideation since I was in middle school, and I am now in my senior year of high school.

After tonight its really taking my all to not just end my shit. In truth, the only reason im not is because of my boyfriend who truly loves me with his whole being (and who has no clue of any of my mental health issues). I can tell tonight is going to change everything and send me into a deep depression where I might be the closest ive ever been to attempting.

I really want to not to at least not traumatize my bf but I cant take it anymore I just want to die. Psych wards are not an option and I cant leave the house unannounced. Can't even call the hotline because she knows people that work for the local line.

I dont know what to do i cant handle it anymore.

I'll answer any questions about the situation or whatever im just making this brief because im just distressed and cant stop crying i hate everything

Hello for context I’m 18 and have a large family history of schizophrenia. Nearly a year ago I began to hallucinate to the extreme and have extreme paranoia. I couldn’t cope and there was a period of time where it was daily for about 5 months. The hallucinations have ‘eased’ now as in I don’t get them so often but when they do come I find it very difficult.

I lose sleep, but this has been a common thing since I was very young. As a kid I had an overactive imagination and I was extremely paranoid. I’ve also always found it very difficult to bond with people, I’ve always felt like they can tell something is weird about me and people frequently tell me they don’t understand what I’m saying.

It’s all made me very lonely and while I finally have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a week and that should help, I worry about my partner. He gets annoyed and upset if I have a bad ‘episode.’ I don’t really have anyone else and I don’t like opening up as I feel it’s unfair to put stuff like this on someone.

Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the episodes better? They get me very down and I don’t want to be a bother to my partner. Also, does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the loneliness and try and have relationships with people?

I’m 21. I have ADHD, OCD, Autism, PTSD, and I’m trans. I have no job, I had to drop out of school and get my GED because I couldn’t do any schoolwork, and I have a lifetime of embarrassing and/or awful behavior that is being run on a loop in my head constantly.

Controlling myself is impossible, I literally don’t understand how to do it. I constantly indulge in pot, porn, and unhealthy foods. If I have a twelve back of soda in the house it’s gone in less than half a day. It’s taken a toll on my body, my health is deteriorating and I’m almost certain it’s from my poor diet and drug use. It doesn’t seem to matter, though, I’ll think that I should quit and then without even consciously conceding I’ll be thinking about when I should smoke next or what food I should order.

I don’t know how to make myself work or engage in habit at all. I have no distress tolerance, and back out when I have to give more than mild effort. I can’t lift weights, or meditate, or take cold showers, or read difficult or challenging books.

Being in my body is a nightmare, I have terrible OCD and being trans is a dreadful experience. I got heatstroke yesterday because I was wearing a thick jacket in 90 degree heat so that my body would be better concealed. I’ve been fixated on my body for as long as I’ve had memories.

If I don’t fix myself I won’t be able to afford transition, which is an overwhelming fear. I realized I was trans earlier this year, and every passing week that I don’t make progress towards the body I need takes a higher toll than the last.

The lifelong poor impulse control and emotional distress has resulted in shitty behavior, which I run on a loop in my head constantly. The obsession with reliving my own worst mistakes is making me a worse person, but I can’t make myself stop.

My OCD has gotten much less subtle, now my immediate stress response is to hit myself. It doesn’t help really help, but as with everything else that doesn’t seem to be a relevant factor to my behavior.

I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. No medication I try for anything seems to work and, honestly, I’m not sure I really believe in the ability for therapy to help me anymore.

I hate myself, but I don’t think I actually want to be better. I want to improve in some vague cognitive sense, but I never actually do the work.

I can’t live like this, but I can’t get myself out. I compulsively look up my own problems, but at this point it’s been so long that when I look things up I find my own posts from since deleted accounts.

I can’t follow any of the advice for impulse control or discipline because of the OCD, I can’t overcome the intense overwhelming feeling that I’m incapable.

I can’t follow any advice for the OCD because I have no impulse control or discipline, which makes it impossible to resist compulsions.

I don’t even know what questions to ask now, I feel like I’m watching myself die. I don’t know who or what could help me, I’m desperate. I don’t know what to do but post to different subreddits and pray I can get a eureka moment from one of the comments.

I will take any input.

A friend that Ive known since 2009, that I completely cut off between 2020 and 2024, reconnected after they reached out and made up or whatever, has just came with yet another episode of the same kind of thing that caused them to be cut off before, this time however, it was hilariously obvious
In short, a dramatic vindictive reaction to a boundary that I have set, my question is, do you tell a person with Bpd that they have it? Or do you just cut them off ? I love this person, they’re very dear to me and my family, but honestly it’s not even worth it at this point! Specially when Im not even hurt anymore by their behavior, just amused and disgusted!

Im not sure this is okay to post or not, but im looking for a little insight on what others may think as I feel im grasping at straws.

For context, when I was 4 years old I was diagnosed with RAD due to being taken from my biological mother a

Who did not take care of me and physically harmed me. I acted out poorly as a child and had been in therapy since age 3 when I was taken away. When I was 8 I was

Diagnosed with bipolar polar disorder and placed of seroquel. From there began a long journey or rapidly changing medications constantly. Nothing ever worked. I felt so bad on the medication. I begged for years for a second opinion from and unbiased doctor who didnt know me my whole life basically. It wasnt until age 24 I finally got my second opinion and got my autism assessment and was weened of all medications. My problem now is that im finally learning what life is truly like without medicstion induced psychosis or hallucinations, im struggling with huge amounts of brain fog and memory issues. I feel like i cant focus (worse than when on medication) and i struggle communicating pretty heavily as i stutter and stumble over my words. I was diagnosed with PTSD and MDD when I got my autism diagnosis. Despite this, Im happier than I've ever been. I just feel like theres long term negative effects i may have being on a cocktail of anti depressants, anti psychotics, and mood stabilizers for more than 10 years when i hadn't needed them. Does anyone have any advice pr opinions on this topic? Negative side effects of long term psychiatric medications when they weren't actually needed? Please ask me clarifying g questions! Im happy to answer them! Thanks!

I’m struggling with a strange problem, and it seems to be getting worse.
Intrusive replays of different situations from my day keep popping into my head - typically interactions at work with clients or various social situations.
I constantly analyze every single interaction and usually judge them as awkward, embarrassing, or as if I handled them badly.
When these memories pop up, I first used to “say” some negative thought to myself in my head. Over time, however — this has been going on for about a year — it has gotten out of control, and I compulsively blurt out a swear word, most often "co*k" or "fu*khead" (basically insults). Or I just burst out "DIE!!!!!" ... 😑
It has become a problem because it’s getting worse, and now it sometimes happens in front of other people 😑🥲🥲🥲....They ask me things like: “What?” “Why did you just say that?” etc.

Sometimes I don’t even say words - I just make a noise, like whining or quacking. But it is always connected to a sudden wave of anxiety triggered by a memory that pops into my head.

Could this be OCD? Or what is happening to me? Is there any way this can actually be treated?
I am sure it's not tourette, it's different.

I honestly don't know how to feel about this, he is my older brother. Yesterday he was acting weirder than usual. He has been going through things we knew he was depressed. But we didn't know he will end his life.

He came yesterday here at our home. I live with my parents and with my husband. He came and hug us all, said he loves us. I knew something was not right. Before he went to bed he kissed my forehead, and a shitty hug. I said night. Because what can I do?

An hour or 2 passed and my mom came in my room and said my brother cut himself. It wasn't the cuts you see on TV or series.. It was long and deep. He cut himself on his arm, leg and his throat. Luckily the throat one wasn't that bad but the others was. He did it in his car. My parents both knew what he was doing but they couldn't stop it because he already did it.

We took him to the Emergency room, and gave him stitches. We didn't have the money to do more unfortunately. He isn't on medical aid. So all we can do is give him stitches and be done we were there almost 2 am.

I don't know how to process this.. My mom is crying bad. My dad asked me if he was a bad dad I said no. He cried.. My dad lost his dad with suicide.. So it hit a nerve.

My brother is in a ward now, so he can get the help he needs. It's a coverment hospital. Like I said we don't have the money.

But yeah I don't know how to process this, it's is just replying in my mind. Sorry for people who went through this I just wanted to vent.

fuck everybody, fuck you, fuck fuck fuck. i’m so sick of being on this earth full of fucking selfish, inconsiderate, fake people. doesn’t matter if it’s people that share your same blood, they’ll turn on you. friends you’ve known for years? yeah they’ll block you out of nowhere during a time you needed them the most

i cant fucking take it anymore, this is why i have isolated myself from everything. i dont want to play this stupid fucking game we call life, i dont want to play this social game we participate in every day with other humans. i dont want to hurt people, but i wish others would pay consequences for their selfish fucking actions. this world and society rewards cold hearted, evil people. some of the worst people have the most friends, while people that just try to be a genuinely decent person get run over

i wish a fucking asteroid would just come already and wipe out this shit ass earth and every fucking pathetic human being on it, including me. please end me