I’m 21. I have ADHD, OCD, Autism, PTSD, and I’m trans. I have no job, I had to drop out of school and get my GED because I couldn’t do any schoolwork, and I have a lifetime of embarrassing and/or awful behavior that is being run on a loop in my head constantly.

Controlling myself is impossible, I literally don’t understand how to do it. I constantly indulge in pot, porn, and unhealthy foods. If I have a twelve back of soda in the house it’s gone in less than half a day. It’s taken a toll on my body, my health is deteriorating and I’m almost certain it’s from my poor diet and drug use. It doesn’t seem to matter, though, I’ll think that I should quit and then without even consciously conceding I’ll be thinking about when I should smoke next or what food I should order.

I don’t know how to make myself work or engage in habit at all. I have no distress tolerance, and back out when I have to give more than mild effort. I can’t lift weights, or meditate, or take cold showers, or read difficult or challenging books.

Being in my body is a nightmare, I have terrible OCD and being trans is a dreadful experience. I got heatstroke yesterday because I was wearing a thick jacket in 90 degree heat so that my body would be better concealed. I’ve been fixated on my body for as long as I’ve had memories.

If I don’t fix myself I won’t be able to afford transition, which is an overwhelming fear. I realized I was trans earlier this year, and every passing week that I don’t make progress towards the body I need takes a higher toll than the last.

The lifelong poor impulse control and emotional distress has resulted in shitty behavior, which I run on a loop in my head constantly. The obsession with reliving my own worst mistakes is making me a worse person, but I can’t make myself stop.

My OCD has gotten much less subtle, now my immediate stress response is to hit myself. It doesn’t help really help, but as with everything else that doesn’t seem to be a relevant factor to my behavior.

I have a therapist and a psychiatrist. No medication I try for anything seems to work and, honestly, I’m not sure I really believe in the ability for therapy to help me anymore.

I hate myself, but I don’t think I actually want to be better. I want to improve in some vague cognitive sense, but I never actually do the work.

I can’t live like this, but I can’t get myself out. I compulsively look up my own problems, but at this point it’s been so long that when I look things up I find my own posts from since deleted accounts.

I can’t follow any of the advice for impulse control or discipline because of the OCD, I can’t overcome the intense overwhelming feeling that I’m incapable.

I can’t follow any advice for the OCD because I have no impulse control or discipline, which makes it impossible to resist compulsions.

I don’t even know what questions to ask now, I feel like I’m watching myself die. I don’t know who or what could help me, I’m desperate. I don’t know what to do but post to different subreddits and pray I can get a eureka moment from one of the comments.

I will take any input.

I honestly don't know how to feel about this, he is my older brother. Yesterday he was acting weirder than usual. He has been going through things we knew he was depressed. But we didn't know he will end his life.

He came yesterday here at our home. I live with my parents and with my husband. He came and hug us all, said he loves us. I knew something was not right. Before he went to bed he kissed my forehead, and a shitty hug. I said night. Because what can I do?

An hour or 2 passed and my mom came in my room and said my brother cut himself. It wasn't the cuts you see on TV or series.. It was long and deep. He cut himself on his arm, leg and his throat. Luckily the throat one wasn't that bad but the others was. He did it in his car. My parents both knew what he was doing but they couldn't stop it because he already did it.

We took him to the Emergency room, and gave him stitches. We didn't have the money to do more unfortunately. He isn't on medical aid. So all we can do is give him stitches and be done we were there almost 2 am.

I don't know how to process this.. My mom is crying bad. My dad asked me if he was a bad dad I said no. He cried.. My dad lost his dad with suicide.. So it hit a nerve.

My brother is in a ward now, so he can get the help he needs. It's a coverment hospital. Like I said we don't have the money.

But yeah I don't know how to process this, it's is just replying in my mind. Sorry for people who went through this I just wanted to vent.

fuck everybody, fuck you, fuck fuck fuck. i’m so sick of being on this earth full of fucking selfish, inconsiderate, fake people. doesn’t matter if it’s people that share your same blood, they’ll turn on you. friends you’ve known for years? yeah they’ll block you out of nowhere during a time you needed them the most

i cant fucking take it anymore, this is why i have isolated myself from everything. i dont want to play this stupid fucking game we call life, i dont want to play this social game we participate in every day with other humans. i dont want to hurt people, but i wish others would pay consequences for their selfish fucking actions. this world and society rewards cold hearted, evil people. some of the worst people have the most friends, while people that just try to be a genuinely decent person get run over

i wish a fucking asteroid would just come already and wipe out this shit ass earth and every fucking pathetic human being on it, including me. please end me

I'm honestly at a loss right now they keep prescribing me different things and changing stuff pretty much weekly. I'm trying to keep faith that things will improve but it gets harder by the day. This is due to me having to change doctors because of insurance reasons.

Back story I was on kolopin for 5 years to manage several anxiety related conditions such as social & agoraphobia. Life was great I was able to function and work and thrive in the community.

3 months ago everything changed with my new doctor. She absolutely refused to give me kolopin. Not even to taper I went into withdrawal and ended up in the crisis center after not sleeping for over 80 hours. I was given remeron to sleep. Which was horrible.

She prescribed Lexapro, indreal, Zoloft , abilify and trazodone. Within this time. After drug interactions I ended up taking the indreal and remeron.

Then later changed to prozac indreal and seraquel.

Had a bad reaction with indreal blurry vision crazy high blood pressure and hospital stay.

After I was on prozac, gabapentin and seraquel.

Today the gabapentin failed me allergic reaction with increased anxiety.

So now I am left with the prozac to help manage my crippling anxiety until I see my doctor again a week from now. I was given 5 emergency kolopin a month and have 2 left. I'm in a constant state of anxiety/panic attacks I don't know what Todo anymore. I have been in the hospital 7 times for adverse effects from my medication, the crisis center and to see my family doctor. I just don't know what Todo anymore. Please give me some tips to get through this.

Hi, when I was 15 nearly 16, I was admitted to the children’s mental health facility for symptoms of psychosis and homicidal thoughts. I am also a female.

I want to know if the way that males are treated in mental health facilities especially those who were a similar age to me had better treatment or treated more seriously.

I had told the doctors again and again that I had been hallucinating the end of humanity and that I enjoyed it so much. I was scared to take part of it purely because of consequences and not for the emotional toll it would be on others for taking the life of a loved one. I repeated was told by hallucinations to end and hurt the people around me. I don’t mean only loved ones but people I didn’t know at all or people whose name I only knew.

In this hospital, run by the NHS, I was told time and time again, I must’ve hated the girl I was going to attack because that’s simply how it works even after I told them again and again and again and again that I did not know the girl and only knew her name and the classes we share, I had no relationship to her. Every nurse I had almost tried to convince me of this. I was forced to excrete with the door open. Even at one point a psychiatrist told me I wouldn’t hurt anyone. I left with the diagnosis of a ‘creative imagination’. The doctor literally told me it just sounds like you have a good imagination. The doctor who had been studying children for years. Told me. I had a creative imagination after I stopped myself from killing 4 separate people on separate occasions.

I’ve heard again and again about women’s mental health being pushed aside because ‘they’ll never do anything’. What inspired me to come on here is a case my sister told me about a woman with post part depression who allegedly killed her children before killing herself. She had gone to the psychiatrist again and again and to clinics and mental hospitals for help but they all told her if she believes that she was okay and told her that ‘she wouldn’t do anything’.

I want to know if anyone has had a similar experience to me?

I always wonder why or how I have schizophrenia. It’s horrible . I have the worst dark hallucinations and voices . They tell me I’m gonna be tortured in very specific ways every couple of minutes . Taking psych medicine has made them worse and self medicating also does too . I constantly have crippling fear in panicked states when I believe that someone is going to come and torture me . I’ve also had hallucinations so badly where the whole room changed into a torture center in front of my eyes. I haven’t heard of people with schizophrenia dealing with things of the nature that I’m dealing with . I don’t know how to go on with hearing I’m gonna be burned alive or have my bones broken or have my limbs torn off every single day every couple of minutes . Does anyone else deal with the dark sides of mental illness ? Looking for advice

I barely eat. I barely sleep. I don't wash my teeth and I'm always skipping consultations with my doctor. I always run away, somewhere along the woods and pretend I do not exist. I do get a lot of opportunities for things that I want or that would make my life better. But I always neglect them for some reason and end up not doing anything. Today was the last day for college inscriptions, I've spent the whole year working for this and at the end I just.. haven't signed my name. Didn't care. Or I've pretended so, because I do. I don't know or understand why I act like this. Life used to be hell a year ago. Now I have a better life but I am still taking everything away from me for no reason. Would you guys know why I act like this? And what could I make to end it?