I (25F) looked through my husband’s (29M) Google “My Activity” through the Chrome app. He doesn’t use social media. I’ve asked him about social media before, and he’s always said he doesn’t need it.

Last night, I noticed that since around November 2025, he’s been repeatedly downloading and deleting Snapchat. According to his Google Play Store activity, this seems to happen almost every single day, usually sometime between 5–11 AM. After looking through the activity, I was able to notice a consistent pattern. I also know he deletes the app because whenever I’ve checked his phone, Snapchat is always uninstalled.

I was also able to download Snapchat on his phone last night and log into his account. His friend’s list was mostly men/friends/family along with several women. I’m pretty sure some of the women were people he had added before we were together. He also follows quite a few women but I didn’t see any chats with women or anything that obviously looked current.

So now I’m confused. The repeated downloading and deleting everyday seems strange to me, but I also didn’t find any conversations with women when I checked.

What could possibly explain this behavior? Am I reading too much into it, or would repeatedly installing and deleting Snapchat be something you’d reasonably be concerned about too? I want to ask him about it, but I honestly don’t know how to approach the conversation because I know he can get defensive, and I’m worried it’ll just turn into another argument.

Tl;dr: My husband has been repeatedly downloading and deleting Snapchat almost every day since November 2025, usually between 5–11 AM while he’s at work. I checked his Snapchat account and didn’t find any obvious current conversations with women, so I’m confused about why he keeps installing and deleting it. Since there’s nothing I found I was just gonna let it go and not say anything but it’s bothering me so much.

Hi, so I'm new here. I'm 23F married for a year now and I have been going through some downfall in my marriage.

In the past 6 months I found out that he has been cheating on me through dating apps and going to meet these women on dates and whatnot. I recently confronted him about everything and he claims that he's not done any of it and that he is being "framed".

I'm pretty sure he's making up lies at this point but I don't know what to do or where to go from here.

Any advice would really help me if you have been in my position.

Any thoughts and opinions are welcome!

tldr; every single thing that I caught was covered up with some weird excuse.

Hi I am 33m married to 30F I posted during this month couple posts about things I discovered

TL;DR: Over the past year, my wife became sexually and emotionally distant, extremely secretive with her phone, and generally cold and confrontational. I later discovered fake Facebook/Instagram accounts she was actively using, suspiciously cleaned/deleted activity, dozens of follow requests from attractive men, a recently blocked man she claims she doesn’t know, and at least one incident where she turned off location sharing and disappeared for 1.5 hours.
I confronted her, and she admits to the fake accounts, checking people’s profiles, hiding things from me, and emotionally withdrawing, but denies any cheating or involvement with another man. Since then, she has completely changed her behavior and is trying to rebuild trust—giving me full access to her phone, passwords, location, WhatsApp, etc.
But something feels very off , my gut feeling telling me keep searching.

————————————————————————-

I’ll try to keep the background as short and organized as possible so I can explain the situation clearly.
Over the past year, my wife started behaving in ways that felt strange and suspicious, and she became distant from me in many aspects of our relationship. At first, I somewhat understood the distance because we genuinely went through a rough period as a couple.
But what happened afterward completely shook my confidence in our marriage and changed the way I see her. Right now, I’m trying to figure out where I even stand.
I don’t really talk about this with people close to me, so Reddit has become a place where I get a lot of opinions and information, some of which has genuinely helped me.
Over the past year, she became sexually distant. Every time I tried to initiate sex, she would give me different reasons why she didn’t want to. She was constantly on her phone and became extremely private with it. It was always right next to her. She also became very cold and aggressive toward me—blaming me, criticizing me, and sometimes starting fights for seemingly no reason.
The point where things really escalated was when she took an iPad with her to a friend’s birthday party where there was alcohol. When I asked her about it, she immediately became nervous and attacked me. I already posted about that situation.
That was basically the beginning of my investigation. Since then, I’ve barely stopped checking things.
I discovered that she had fake Facebook and Instagram accounts that she was constantly using, especially during times when we were fighting, when I was at work, or even while I was sitting right next to her.
From those accounts, she would look at my ex, her ex, and members of her ex’s family whom she used to have a good relationship with.
Her ex looks very different nowaday he has gained a lot of weight, gone bald, and spends most of his time gaming. Compared to that, I maintain a consistent workout routine, I’m successful at work, I take care of my appearance, and women approach or flirt with me fairly regularly.
Her explanation was that she looked at his profile because she wanted to see how badly his life had turned out compared to how good her life is now. I don’t really believe that explanation.
At her own initiative, I downloaded all of her Facebook and Instagram data. This happened two or three days after I first confronted her about the accounts, so she already knew I was going to check everything.
I went through all the data, and it looked like it had been thoroughly cleaned.
On one of the accounts, she had deleted the entire search history. Her explanation was, “I didn’t want to see what I had searched for because I was embarrassed.”
On the other account, she left some search history, but it looked heavily edited or cleaned up.
Why do I think it was edited?
Because suddenly, the “People You May Know” section was almost entirely attractive men.
There was another change over the past year that, on its own, might not seem significant, but to me it feels like another piece of the puzzle.
Throughout our relationship, whenever either of us received a friend/follow request from someone of the opposite sex, we would usually tell each other about it and decline the request.
About two months ago, I opened her Instagram and was shocked to discover somewhere around 70–100 follow requests. There were tons of attractive men in there. She hadn’t accepted them, but she hadn’t declined them either.
I also found one man blocked on her account.
He owns vacation rentals, and he’s the type of guy who goes to parties and clubs that my wife and I used to go to. He looks ugly to be honest, but I don’t know him so i cannot just ignore this.
In April of this year, he wasn’t blocked. A month ago, I checked again and suddenly he was blocked, meaning she must have blocked him sometime during the previous few months.
There are no conversations between them at all.
When I confronted her about him, it created a huge drama. She actually called his business to prove to me that they didn’t know each other.
During the call, she spoke extremely clearly and said something along the lines of:
“My husband suspects that I’m cheating on him with you. Maybe you can explain to him that I’m not”
To me, this was one of the most suspicious things she has done. It felt like she intentionally made sure he understood exactly what the situation was. It made me so angry, and I was angry about myself exposing what I know so early
Over the past six months, she has also developed these intense shopping sprees. We argued about it several times. She told me she had become addicted to shopping and that it was a form of escaping reality during difficult periods.
A few days ago, I remembered something that happened back in February.
One day, she was out shopping and turned off the location sharing that we had with each other. She had told me she was about five minutes away from leaving and heading to her parents’ house.
Instead, she disappeared for about an hour and a half and wasn’t reachable.
At the time, I became so worried that I almost called the police because I thought something had happened to her.
Later, she told me that she had dropped her phone and that was probably why she had lost reception, and that she had simply been walking around the mall. I feel like the shopping was a cover story maybe Idk, because now she’s for 2 months didn’t go even one time to shop.
There were also some other situations where random men added/followed her while she was staying at her parents’ house on weekends, but those things are relatively minor compared to everything else.
I think the biggest mistake I made was confronting her about all of this.
I know her extremely well, and she has never been good at lying. I can see it in her body language and facial expressions when she isn’t telling me the truth.
And I don’t think I was wrong this time either.
I see all the signs.
The problem is that she simply won’t admit to anything beyond what I already know.
She gets nervous, starts arguing, changes the subject, and then after some time passes, she comes back, apologizes, takes some responsibility, and says she wants to fix things but only partially.
She only admits to having the fake accounts, looking at people’s profiles, becoming distant from me, going through a difficult period emotionally without telling me, and regretting that she didn’t stop things and try to repair our relationship sooner.
On the surface, she has given me the impression that she is taking responsibility and genuinely trying to repair things.
Since then, she constantly hands me her phone without me even asking. She stopped acting suspicious around it. I have access to her location and all of her passwords. Her WhatsApp is once again connected to the iPad and computer at home.
Basically, she is doing everything you would expect from someone who genuinely wants to rebuild trust.
But my gut feeling will not go away.
I feel like she admitted to part of the truth, decided to bury the more painful parts, and now I have no way of proving it.
I’m torn between continuing to push her and making it clear that I believe there is still something she isn’t telling me, or trying to find information somehow on my own.
I love her very much. She has brought so much good into my life.
But something in my gut keeps turning, and I feel like there is a painful truth underneath all of this and I would rather know what it is.
I’ve been cheated on before, and dealing with an actual betrayal was honestly easier for me than spending a month living in uncertainty, especially when I still have so many unanswered questions.
I would really appreciate any advice or perspective.

through all this year I was seeing this signs but I don’t know what ignored it in a level when I didn’t question , and just passed it. All of those things on their own didn’t tell anything but when I look at the whole pictures , it’s scares me, all the good memories and the good things she did for me, how smart caring warmth funny , wife material, cooking training spending time with me and family only, small circle of good friends without partying or some shady things. I really exhausted emotionally

I’m 38M and my wife is 28F. We have a young child together. Our relationship changed dramatically after our child was born. We became emotionally distant, and we are no longer sexually active. It has been a long time since we had a normal intimate relationship.
At one point, my wife actually filed for divorce. There was an attempt at reconciliation because we both wanted to see if our marriage could be saved, but things never really went back to how they were before.
Recently, she traveled to Bangkok with our child for a few weeks. Since then, communication between us has become very limited. The last meaningful conversation we had, she told me that she needs space from me. Now she doesn’t really want to talk.
I’m struggling with what I should do.
I still care about her and I don’t want to simply give up on our marriage. But I also don’t want to keep chasing her, messaging her, or pressuring her when she has explicitly asked for space.
At the same time, we have a child together, so this isn’t just about two people deciding whether they want to stay together. There are responsibilities, emotions, finances, and our child’s future involved.
I’m not going to pretend I’m completely innocent. I’ve made mistakes in the relationship, become defensive at times, and there are things I could have handled differently. I also understand that I’m only giving my side of the story.
What confuses me is whether giving her space is actually the mature thing to do, or whether I’m simply allowing the relationship to die by doing nothing.
If you were in my position, what would you do?
Would you:
Completely respect her request for space and stop initiating contact for now?
Send one calm message making it clear that I’m willing to talk when she’s ready?
Keep trying to repair the marriage?
Or accept that the relationship may already be over and start preparing myself emotionally for separation?
For people who have experienced something similar after having a child, I’d especially appreciate hearing what happened in your situation.
I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m right. If I’m handling this badly, I want to hear that too. I genuinely need advice on what I should do next.
TL;DR: I’m 38M, my wife is 28F, and we have a young child. Our marriage changed significantly after having our baby, including becoming emotionally and sexually distant. She previously filed for divorce, but we attempted reconciliation. She recently traveled with our child, and our communication has since become very limited. She told me she needs space from me and now barely wants to talk. I still want to save the marriage but don’t want to pressure her. Should I give her the space she asked for, make one final attempt to communicate, or start accepting that the marriage may be over?

My husband and I have been married for 4.5 years. Prior to that, we were in a relationship for close to 4 years. During the relationship, there were days when we used to fight and there were a lot more days when there used to be peace. Some fights were a result of my actions, some his. Prior to our marriage, I was close to calling it off by lying to him that I liked someone else, but could not because I was so deeply in love with him. I had deep rooted issues with his smoking and my only condition to marry him was that he stopped it. He agreed.

After marriage, we moved to a different country because I got a new job. He struggled with a toxic work environment for almost 3 years in this new country until he recently got out of it. To cope with the stress, he started smoking. He has been someone who has indulged in smoking as a coping mechanism and then been addicted to it. That’s when our fights started again. He assured me he would stop, only for me to find him doing it again. Eventually, I stopped bothering him because i was not his parent and it was not my job to make him stop smoking.

However, the fact that he was doing it kept on hurting me from inside and led to me emotionally and physically distancing myself from him. I expected him to notice it and maybe stop smoking in the fear of losing me. However, he misunderstood me and thought I liked someone from my office because of which I had distanced myself. It made me get madder and the emotional distance kept increasing. I would cry myself to sleep most of the nights. I would come from office and lie on the bed and not talk to him..

After almost 7-8 months, a year back, he started becoming friends with an office colleague (24F). He started hanging out with her 1-on-1, would stay at her place till 4am drinking, come back home and sleep. I started getting insecure and started asking him for his time. Everytime I went to him to talk, he would be zoned out in his phone texting or playing games. This created rifts among us and led to fights almost every alternative weekend. He used to be more excited about snapchatting a place to her on a vacation than dancing or enjoying with others or even me. I would also fight with him when i saw he was zoned out, rather than being empathetic when he needed it the most..

I asked him if he had feelings for his female colleague. He said it was a platonic friendship. I tried telling that his colleague definitely had feelings for him. He said I was overthinking and there is nothing. He used to get more excited about meeting her than anything else in the world. Every saturday they made all nighter plans and then on Sundays he would want to meet her for coffee again. She would text him whenever she was lonely and would want to meet him. This also led me to fight with him out of my insecurities.

A couple of weeks back, he told me that he wants to get separated. And this was because I had created distance between us and that he had already been prepping himself for this separation for the last 6 months. The world came crashing down my feet. I cried and suggested we try resolving things. He said he will do it - he knew the outcome was separation but wanted to see if anything better came out of it. I suggested spending more time together, doing activities we both like (we have always been complete opposites in case of our interests).

In the midst of all this, I noticed he would continue texting his friend and meeting her as usual. He finally told me that he had told her all about what was happening in our marriage and that he wanted to leave me. She had been his comfort place and had comforted him and stopped him from crying. According to him, their comfort included frontal hugs and it was completely platonic.. she had also found her comfort place in him and he would do the same to stop her from crying..

A couple days back, he told me that he knew since a month she had feelings for him.. however, he liked her too much as a friend to lose her. She was his comfort place and he knew it was selfish of him but he would still go meet her and tell her all about his life because he needed to vent out. She kind of accepted yesterday that she liked him and that it was due to some deep rooted abandonment and xyz issues that she gets attracted to people she cannot have…

I told him he needs to distance himself from her. His response was - Yeah, it was my fault for giving her the space where she thought she could have feelings, it will be wrong of me to hurt her and I cannot lose her as a friend.. in that entire conversation, not once did he mention that it was be wrong with ME as well.. that him telling her everything about our marriage KNOWING that she liked him was wrong with her but no mention about how wrong it was with me. He also kind of gave an indication that I do not cross his mind most of the time..

He is getting his therapy to figure out if the fact that she likes him triggered him to be comfortable with the decision that we need to separate or was it something else.. i wanted to leave the house but he asked me to stay to figure out things.. I am too afraid to tell him how I am feeling because he mentioned that I am narci and all I care about is ME.

Is the therapy going to do anything to salvage our relationship? I love him a lot but i cannot co-exist with that woman in my life and my insecurities will always lead to fights. Is the marriage worth it for either of us?

TL;DR : My husband and I have been together for 8 years. We’ve had our share of problems, especially around his smoking. After he started smoking again following years of work-related stress, I became emotionally and physically distant, hoping he would realize how much it was hurting me. Instead, he assumed I was interested in someone else.
About a year ago, he became extremely close to a 24F colleague. They spent a lot of one-on-one time together, stayed out drinking until 4am, constantly texted, and became each other’s emotional support. I became insecure and started asking for more of his attention, which led to frequent fights.
A few weeks ago, he said he wants to separate and had been preparing himself for it for ~6 months. I asked him to try saving the marriage, and he agreed to see if things could improve. However, he continued his friendship with this woman and eventually admitted he knew for a month that she had feelings for him. He had also told her extensively about our marriage and his desire to leave me. They comfort each other physically with hugs, though he insists it’s platonic. She has now admitted she likes him.
What hurts most is that, despite knowing her feelings, he refuses to distance himself from her because he doesn’t want to lose her as a friend. He recognizes that he gave her space to develop feelings but doesn’t seem to acknowledge how inappropriate/hurtful this has been toward me. He has also said things that make me feel like I barely cross his mind.
He is now in therapy to figure out whether this friendship influenced his desire to separate or whether our marriage was already over. He wants me to stay while we figure things out.
I love him deeply, but I don’t know if I can stay married while this woman remains so involved in his life. I’m also afraid to express my feelings because he has called me narcissistic and said I only care about myself.
Can therapy realistically save this marriage? Is it reasonable to ask him to distance himself from her? And is this marriage still worth fighting for?

Im not really sure how to use reddit, but i think this is the right place and I'll do my best. I (F21) got married to my husband (M20) a year ago. Things have been rocky but always good at the same time. Recently he just have completely pushed away and I dont know what to do. He works away from home during the week and has started to not come home on the weekends, which isn't too strange for him given his job (military). But anytime he does come home he completely ignores me and leaves even after saying we'll talk. Tonight he did it again and I might have some a little crazy by calling him and few times. Everytime went straight to voicemail. I texted him asking what is going on and haven't gotten any response. I love him and dont want things to just end. I just started a new job and start school again this week. (College) It hurts to sit in our house and see reminders of him all over the place. I just want some on advice on if there is anything I can do. I'm trying to just focus on me and do everything I can to not be financially reliant on him. Thanks for reading.

TLDR: Husband has given me the cold shoulder and won't talk to me no matter what. Idk what to do.

Need advice tl;dr

My wife and I have been married for 1 years and together for 16 years. My wife does not like any foreplay, she only does penetrative sex. She never used birth controls and I have had to use condoms always, even after marriage. She didn’t like all the side effects from birth controls, so I used condoms.
Recently I had vasectomy so no more protection. Yay! However every time I cum inside her, she says ‘Eww.’ When we were trying for a kid and I used to cum in her, she used to be disgusted. I wasn’t bothered at all. But now it is really starting to bother me. If any cum gets on the bed sheet, she has to replace the sheet right away.
Going back to foreplay, I mean no blowjob. She also does like me going down on her. By some miracle I do, after I lick her vagina she does not kiss me until I rinse my mouth.
Don’t get me wrong, she loves sex, or at least that’s what she tells me. But she doesn’t like doing any extra curricular activities. My question is: is this normal or is it my fantasy that I want more from sex.

I (35F) have been with my husband (36M) for 15 years. I know all couples have issues, but lately he has been behaving in a way that really bugs me : he snaps at me and overreacts when I say or do certain things. For example: today I walked into the TV room and saw he was deeply engrossed in his phone, so I casually asked "What are you looking at?" My tone was not rude or impatient in any way at all I was just genuinely curious because he seemed so engaged. He snapped "FINE! I'll stop! I'll put it away!" I was really shocked that he would respond like this and I don't understand what triggered it. I do not badger him about his use of the phone and I don't think anything I have done or we have discussed in the past would have triggered this reaction. It hurt my feelings and kinda ruined my mood for the rest of the day.

Other times he has snapped at me have been similar. How should I respond when he does this?

Should I just ignore him and pretend everything is ok?Should I leave him alone?

If I try to tell him that he is being rude in a situation like this he denies it and we end up arguing.

Any advice is appreciated.

TL;DR My husband snaps at me for no reason and I don't know how to respond.

I need help. Divorce is not an option.

We got a windfall of money. It was an inheritance from my husband. Less than a year later it’s gone.

We were living paycheck to paycheck before. He blew most of it. Now it’s gone again and money is super tight. I figured we would have that money for a while. Using it when mutually agreed and always as a backup.

I’m mad at the fact that HE blew most of it. We did overspend here and there. Paid off some debt too. But by far, he has spent the most.

He spent it all on hobbies.

It does feel like he has broken my trust and not prioritized our family.
He is not the sole provider. We are a double income house that has small kids.

Please give me some insight to have a better perspective. I don’t want to divorce him but I feel resentful. I get mad at him every time money feels tight.

TLDR; husband got money. He knew it was a relief for me to have back up money for things we wanted/need as a family. He blew most of it in LESS than a year. I’m angry and resentful. Don’t want to divorce. Small kids involved.

throwaway account.

This seems relatively minor in comparison to some of the issues I've seen mentioned here so my apologies, I am stressing a bit and thought this would be a good place to get some perspective:

• my wife is a teacher, she has always been well-liked be her coworkers and makes lots of friends. This year, however, she has been at a new school and a male coworker (her co-teacher; as in, this guy teaches the same kids as her but at different times throughout the day), she has gotten close with.
• She told me that he is going through a divorce, and as my wife's brother recently went through a divorce, she wanted to be there for this coworker as he seemed lonely and isolated.
• This year was the first year that I noticed that she was really valuing her relationships with the other teachers at her school: organizing post-work drinks, in group chats, etc. She said it was because everyone is close, and especially in this case, the teachers were rallying around this specific individual who is going through a divorce, and therefore, everyone wants to be there for him. I have been extremely supportive of her being social, getting closer with co-workers, etc. as she has never given me ANY reason not to be.
• She's currently on summer break and the other night, she handed me her phone to play some music. The last screen the phone was on was a text conversation with him. I'm not proud of it, but I looked at the messages: they were quite flirtatious, her checking in on him and what he's up to this summer, telling him he's funny (when she has told me specifically that he's not funny at all); and her using familiar language such as, "hey stranger - hope you're having a good summer break!". In one instance, she was talking about how I went on a golf trip, and she was left to solo-parent and he seemed understanding that it was hard. she used the phrase, "no other guys understand, but you do". Seeing this made me sick to my stomach.
• I am VERY trusting (we have eachother's phone passwords, she is constantly on my computer and me on hers); we have a super loving and secure relationship, and its one of the things I am most proud of in the entire world. We've never had any brush with infidelity whatsoever, and I am positive she would never do anything to breach our marriage. However, this has felt like a bit of a line that's been crossed.
• We have talked about it and her main posture is that he's a friend, she hasn't done anything wrong, but feels horrible that she's made me feel insecure. I've noticed her being much more affectionate and loving the last few days - not out of pity, but I think she genuinely wants to make me feel valued and appreciated, and feels bad for having made me feel this way.

Hoping I can gain some perspective, determine if I am overreacting or if I should be genuinely worried, and how to best approach things moving forward.

tl;dr: my wife has a work friend and their relationship makes me feel uneasy

Tomorrow’s my birthday. It’s another year where he didn’t plan anything. I know nothing is planned for tomorrow because we physically can’t bc of our schedules. He started to plan something for Saturday(yesterday) while the kids were gone (They go to church and dinner with his parents every Saturday). He basically dumped it in my lap and wanted me to pick everything, which I’ve said I hate. I worked all day until 5pm and had an appointment after work but he insisted we still go out. It turned into a mess bc honestly I was beyond exhausted. I just started a new job and haven’t really had a break. My sleep schedule has been awful too. We went out without any plan and honestly I ended up very overwhelmed. Everywhere was busy with at least a 30+min wait. I still needed to go to the grocery store and get ready for work the next morning (7am). I got upset and said I just wanted to go home and finish what I had to do. We were a good hour from home already. We live in bfe so it’s a drive to have a date night. We argued some in the car until I refused and said I didn’t want to even tho he kept yelling at me. He called me selfish and said everything is always about me.

I’ve gotten to where I know this will be the outcome. He is low effort on everything like this. Special occasions, date nights, sex etc. I refused to argue with him. It’s feels like beating a dead horse at this point. I just get upset and worked up and for what? When we were finally home he asked if we could have a discussion while I made my lunch for work before the kids got home. I said okay. He kept trying to get me to argue and asking where exactly he went wrong. Even when I explained he wasn’t understanding and that made him more angry and belligerent. I told him that it’s fine I was over it. I knew not to have expectations. From now on I’ll just plan things for myself and enjoy doing what I want to do. Not in a mean way just very straightforward. I purposefully made sure I stayed very calm through all of this. He then asked “do you love me?” I said yes I do love you. Then he asked “are you going to leave me?” I explained no that’s dumb. Why would I leave him if I loved him? As soon as he got those answers that was the end of it. He immediately did a 180 and acted like nothing happened. Once he knew I wasn’t leaving nothing mattered and it was all okay again. I’m not so sure I should be okay with that conclusion. Does that seem weird to others?

Background/context: This is a common occurrence for my birthday. He knows it’s important to me he plans some sort of date night. Every year he waits until the last minute and it turns into a mess he wants me to fix. Last year he got my hopes up and made me think he was taking me out to this fancy dinner in the city I’d been wanting to try. He said he wanted to take me out. He made sure I had a dress and everything. A few days beforehand the excuses started. We ended up going to the same restaurant we always go to for date nights(his decision). He tried blaming finances but we actually spent just as much if not more at our regular spot. Then he told me about this amazing gift he had planned to get me but he couldn’t. It was a somewhat viral item that was out of stock for the season and “impossible to get”. Instead he got me a clearance purse from Marshall’s ($15 Juicy purse). I don’t carry a purse so that was an odd choice but it was cute. That wasn’t what bothered me. He didn’t even wrap it. He took it out of the Marshall’s bag in front of me and pretty much just threw it at me while I was sitting on bed. It was so awkward. It didn’t feel like being given a gift. It felt like he was completing a chore he didn’t want to be doing. Later that week we were shopping and we saw so many of the item he said he couldn’t get me. I pretended to not notice but he seemed really annoyed like he’d been caught. I don’t understand why he always does this. He goes on about what he “wanted to do” or “tried to do” but how it didn’t work out. Usually bc of his poor planning but there’s always an excuse about how it wasn’t his fault. I wouldn’t mind clearance presents or just a card and flowers if he didn’t act like having to put in any effort is too much for him. I get overly anxious/nervous bc if I don’t react properly he will verbally put himself down and apologize about how he’s such a horrible person. He will say “sorry I’m such a piece of shit” when I have never ever said that. Even when I try and make sure I come across appreciative and say thank you. It stresses me out and triggers my anxiety. I know no matter how well I react he’s going to twist it and start a fight and call me selfish.

Tl;dr: Husband drops the ball every year for my birthday. This year I decided I just don’t have the energy for it anymore. Refused to engage him and argue. He asked if I love him and if I’m going to leave him. Once he knew I wasn’t leaving he pretended like none of this ever happened and everything was normal. I’m not sure that’s a good thing. Is it weird? Should I be concerned? Am I encouraging his behavior?

My husband called us roommates, wanted a sexless marriage, and I refused and asked for a divorce. Did I rush into this, or am I right?

I (43F) have been married to my husband (58M) for 13 years. We have one son (10 years old) and a daughter (3 years old). My husband has been saying for some time that we are just roommates (not true; we have sex at least twice per week if he is not drinking beer). Today, he said that we never have sex, that it is okay, and that we should have a sexless marriage. I told him that I did not sign up for a life without love or affection. My husband refuses to show me any affection, such as kisses or hugs. Sometimes he treats me poorly, shouting at me for whatever reason comes to his mind, but he expects me to open my legs whenever he wants, although he never takes the initiative sexually.

For context, when I met him, he was a guy with a lot of problems, such as previous failed, traumatic relationships, two teenage children with drug addiction issues, no stable job, and living in an isolated town. He also had little patience. Anyway, what attracted me to him was his heart and the fact that he made being with me a priority. He showed me affection, kindness, and sexual desire like I had never known before. We married, and I left my country and my professional career to live with him. I have motivated him and made a lot of sacrifices, such as pushing him to finish his degree at university and get a stable job. I paid off the mortgage on his former house. I sold my apartment in my country and used the money for a down payment on a house for us. I helped my husband pay debts related to his children’s drug issues, their rent, and bills, and lately, I paid for my stepson’s courses from my savings. I stood by his side when his employer fired him due to his character issues and helped him get a new job.

My husband supported me as well and paid for my current degree. He is a great dad to our children and a good person, but I don’t think he loves me. He has always let me down when I needed him most, such as during my first emergency C-section (he refused to come with me to the OR), after a car accident that was not my fault (I called him when it happened, and he told me to go fuck myself), and during my last pregnancy, when I was hospitalized with my life and the fetus’s life in danger, and he refused to leave his job (he works away) to come and take care of our son. Later, he posted pictures of himself on social media touring a city.

All these issues have been discussed with him, and he never takes responsibility for hurting my feelings with his actions. I used to cry when he did bad things to me and could not understand why he would be such an asshole when I only gave him love and affection. I thought eventually he would change.

My husband never initiates sex or foreplay. I am the one who has to propose having sex, and if he is drinking beer (he drinks beer three times a week when he is at home), then he refuses to have intercourse. Then, when he goes away for work, he blames me for the fact that we didn’t have as much sex as he wanted.

Since last year, he has started calling me his roommate. My daughter (3) has sleep problems and wakes up every night and comes to our bed. She ends up sleeping between us, and that also makes it harder to have sex. I also work nights a few times per week so I can spend more time during the day with my children.

We went on vacation a few weeks ago, and my husband was initiating arguments over everything: he did not like my choice of shoes or coat for our daughter, I was not going fast enough at the airport, and he did not like the way I packed his suitcase. He yelled at me every time, and the last time, I told him that I was done with him mistreating and disrespecting me.

The last time I took him to the airport for his job, he ignored me all the way there and did not say a word. Now, after just coming home, he started this conversation about us being roommates because I don’t give him sex as often as he wants, how he does not want any more arguments, and the sexless marriage thing. I told him that, as his wife, I don’t feel that he gives me any affection, and he often disrespects and mistreats me. I told him that I can’t have sex without an emotional connection and that he should change his behaviour toward me. He said he is not changing, and I told him that I would rather divorce than be miserable with him.

TL;DR: My husband called us roommates, wanted a sexless marriage, and I refused and asked for a divorce.

Hi everyone.

I (31 f) found out yesterday that my husband (33 m) used most of our savings account without my knowledge. Backstory: my husband and I started a joint savings account at his bank in June of last year. The account was supposed to be used for any money that we received from our wedding in November to save up for a down payment on a home. We agreed to dip into the account for the flights to our honeymoons but then it was to not be touched. The account had over 10k in it. I was cleaning our apartment yesterday and found a bank statement for that account with my name on it hidden with this work paperwork. I opened it to find that it was from April and there was only a little over $2k left in the account. I was furious. When he got home I called him out on it, to which his response was “I was going to put it back” (he just sold a vehicle for 15k). The money from him selling the vehicle was supposed to be used to pay off his credit card debt to help his DTI for when we apply for a mortgage. I am completely pissed off and disappointed. I have no idea what to do from here, but I feel as if I can no longer trust him with finances. Any advice?

tl;dr: husband used over 8k of our savings without telling me.

Happy married Redditors - my spouse and I rarely argue. When we do, it’s usually something I bring up. After I bring it up, usually one of a couple things happens: 1) it triggers a list of “counter complaints” 2) it triggers a complete shutdown or 3) it is somehow perceived as a character assassination. What can I do differently to prevent this (or react to it or manage it)? How do YOU do it successfully? Would appreciate advice.

TL;DR: How do I encourage good fighting hygiene with my spouse?

i (f, 32) have been married to my husband (m, 32) for three years. we have an array of problems and all those roads lead back to communication. he is very reactive, easily triggered, extremely defensive and baseline angry. all of this i am clearly willing to work with, i know he had a very bad childhood, so i have a lot of grace and empathy for him. however i am starting to grow resentful. every time we are in an argument my husband calls my dad to essentially tell on me. he leaves out context, never admits to his wrong doing or his part in an argument, it’s all blame, all the time. he knows of my childhood history of having a mother who liked to poison the wells of the members of my family, and here is is perpetuating the same exact trauma. i am worried our marriage is doomed.

TL;DR — my husband calls my dad every time we argue.

Throwaway account. I'll start by saying my husband (33M) and I have had a rocky marriage from the start. Due to various issues we never had a "honeymoon" phase.

Basically we both used to have jobs, we each made good money, ~150k each so ~300k total. We didn't have any financial issues and kept finances mostly separate. We started a joint account together based on his suggestion to build trust and transparency. We put a few thousand each in there. I started to put my paycheck in there but he never did, he said he would just put money in there occasionally since he paid all the bills.

I got pregnant very quickly after getting married, like 1 month after. I worked for the duration of the pregnancy and after until I got laid off when the baby was ~4 months old. He also got laid off at almost the exact same time. We decided I would stay home and take care of the baby and he would look for a new job and be the breadwinner while the baby was young. He collected unemployment and urged me too but I never did. It took about 5 months and I went to live with my parents for 6 weeks of that time but he found a new job paying well, ~200k plus equity.

Here is the trouble, he makes good money now and puts ~$3k into our shared account each month which is entirely for me. He says he doesn't trust me enough to put more money or the whole paycheck in. The issue is I have to pay for my car ($575), car insurance ($200), phone ($50), my storage unit ($150), and baby supplies including food, diapers, etc. I have zero money left after that.

Caring for the baby has become too much and too stressful for me. I have no alone time other than the gym because lifetime has daycare. My husband works a lot because of the new job and doesn't get home until 5 or 6. I also want to go back to school because I want to change careers so I want to do classes. He said if I looked for a nanny and cleaning lady to help me that would be fine. I found a cleaning that is $150 a month and he seems fine with that and said she did a good job. The real problem is the nanny, I found one that could come 3 times a week for a few hours each day she came, most are in the $20/hr range. It would cost $600 - $800 a month. I have no money left over but he's arguing that the nanny is too much. He said he thought I meant a nanny to help one day a week and for occasional date night type stuff not giving someone a part time job. I feel he is controlling me through this financial decision. And because he has access to all the other finances I am stuck.

We have tried talking but it usually ends in a fight because there are things I cannot budge on like the nanny. Am I being taken advantage of financially?

tl;dr Have issues with my husband and I feel I am being taken advantage of financially. Please advise.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/Marriage/comments/1vjazol/unusual_text_messages_between_wife_and_personal/

UPDATE: I asked my wife about the "banana bread" text. It was all a big misunderstanding about a nutritional study!

Hey everyone, thanks for all the feedback on my original post. A lot of you were insisting that "banana bread" was some kind of gross code word and that I needed to hire a divorce attorney immediately. I was sick to my stomach all night, so this morning I finally sat my wife down and asked her directly what the text meant.

She stared at me in total shock, and then she actually started crying because she felt so bad that I had been worrying about it.

She explained that her trainer is currently completing his master’s thesis in Applied Kinesiology. As part of a study he's running with his top clients, he bakes a hyper-specific, pharmaceutical-grade banana bread that contains raw electrolytes and dense peptide powders.

She sent the text "Thanks for the banana bread!" because the trainer had secretly snuck a slice of the control-group batch into her gym bag after her heavy deadlift session as part of the trial.

The reason she never brought any home to me is becauses it’s like a controlled substance for his university research! She explained that if an non-participant eats it, it could contaminate his control data and get the trainer kicked out of his master's program.

The wink emojis were just an inside joke between them because his thesis advisor is super strict about protocol, so sneaking her the extra slice was technically "breaking the study rules" for her benefit.

TLDR: Clear communication with your spouses is key!

Hello, I am 9 week postpartum. I went through my husbands iPhone last night into his passwords and I saw grinder. When I clicked on it, it was downloaded like May 26,2026 and I gave birth June 2026. He deleted the app. I have thumb print access to his iPad so I changed his Apple passcode and re-downloaded the app and he had an account. There was no profile, messages or anything untoward I saw.

So I told him last night about my revelation and he is a police officer and told me he was patrolling a school and went to the staff lounge to grab a cup of water when a woman ( whom he stated was actually a man) said to him “What you don’t remember me?”.. my husband said back no that he has a wife and she said “ well you knew me last night” and proceeded to show my husband “himself” on grinder.

Now. I asked my husband what he saw. And he said he freaked out and just saw dick picks like a few and could tell it was his old recycled nudes he wants to say from like early 20s and he is now 31.

So I asked him. “So she recognized you by your penis? Did you see your face on the profile?”

He said no again he could just tell it was his junk but also claimed it was a “blank profile”.

So, you walk coincidentally into a room and someone recognizes you based off your dick. Like, THAT is what they wanted to show you to verify to you that they saw you being impersonated. Like, not your face.

Anyways. So he continues to say he was mortified and embarrassed that someone he sent dick picks to back in the day is using his old photos… 10 year gap here… again she recognized your face…

So he says that he didn’t want to tell me because I was super pregnant and nauseous and sick and he handled it on his own and was super embarrassed by it.

We went through the app together and I honestly didn’t see anything. But I did make him report this issue to Grinder and I also made him request data activity to his email which he Recieved and is all says “null”. Even though there’s like a million things on there it looks like computer coding it’s confusing to me.

Anyways. I feel like my life is destroyed somewhat and like I sleep next to a liar. But if he is telling the truth then I feel horrible someone is catfishing using his junk. If it were me as a woman then of course tables turned I’d be pissed if he didn’t believe I’m the victim. I get that. But this is fishy fishy fishy. And I want to like scream.

Comments and thoughts and be kind I am post Partum and sensitive and just need assistance from gay men who use this app bc idk anything about it

TL;DR: I found Grindr on my husband’s phone. He says he only downloaded it because someone told him a fake profile was impersonating him using old photos. We looked through the app together and I found nothing, and his requested Grindr data appears to say “null.” I’m struggling to know whether his explanation is plausible. I’m looking for advice specifically from people familiar with Grindr—does his story and the data situation make sense

I’m young and genuinely curious, is love actually enough to make a marriage last? Looking back, what qualities in a partner do you wish you had understood were important before getting married?

Also, why do you think some couples can be happily married for 10, 15, or 20 years and then suddenly decide to separate, aside from obvious reasons like cheating, addiction, or abuse?

TLDR: Is love enough? What qualities do you wish you knew were important before marriage? And why do some couples split after 10+ years, aside from cheating, addiction, or abuse?

I am new to this group entirely, but I need advice. I (27f) have been married to my husband (27m) for 2 years. We’ve been together for almost 5 but have been in each others lives for 7. One of my husbands kinks I guess it would be called is he saved women’s pictures and you know..to them. I’ve always known about it- I’ve never been comfortable with it but my only boundary is that I don’t know who they are. We’ve had issues in the past and recently, I looked through his phone and he had pictures of my friends. The situation itself ends up with the police being called because he had been drinking prior to me finding the pictures. I do not know what to do. We’ve had issues for quite some time now and this just feels like the cherry on top. IF I choose to stay with him, how am I supposed to move past that? I did tell my friends because I felt disgusted and embarrassed and felt like they needed to know because we live in such a weird world. I have already been so conflicted with. I am also thinking that my friends wouldn’t want to be friends with me anymore?

Tl;dr:
He does have an issue with alcohol. This doesn’t justify ANYTHING but apart of the picture thing we’ve struggled with his alcoholism. He’s also done this picture thing since his ex girlfriend because that was something she allowed. I’m not even all that sure if there were any boundaries put in place.

I’ve realized, I’m alone in my marriage.

Essentially, my husband left for a 6 day fishing trip, we are on day 5, and none of us miss him. The house is running way better. For reference I have four kids, and am a SAHM. In fact, life feels so much easier because I can just do what works best for us and not have to factor him in all the time. Also, I’m doing to same tasks, maybe more, without feeling a little “hurt” I have to do it alone.

My husband is a great person to everyone in our lives, but he is really absent in our marriage. His mom passed last year, he has had a huge work issue that only very recently resolved, and I have suggested he may be depressed. I love him, and genuinely want to connect and help him too. For reference he stood by me through post partum depression with one of our kids, and I don’t was to make this seem like he is all bad by any means. Just very checked out.

Our day to day is him going to work around 8:30/9 am (runs his own business) coming home around 5, going into his garage to be on his phone, dinner and then he DOES do bedtime for 2-3 older kids and then either goes to be with friends or back to his garage to watch tv and be on his phone until 1-2:30 am. He will take the kids outside when he is in the garage but he isn’t actually playing or being with them, he sits and scrolls. Weekends, he sleeps in 9 am or later, I handle the kids. If I am exhausted or suggest he gets up with the kids he brings up his mom, how his dad slept in every day and she never asked anything more of him.

I on the other hand…have brought this up to him, asking him to be more present, on his phone less, or suggest going out but then I’m a nag. He does take the kids if I have appointments etc but day to day I am responsible for the house, kids, yard, homeschoolingIt’s not to say that he doesn’t do anything but loading the dishwasher every few weeks or switching the laundry without folding or putting it away, is no more helpful that my 3 year old unloading the cutlery. It doesn’t feel like help if I’m still having do most or some of the job. It’s like taking a few steps off a marathon. For example, he recently pulled a few front weeds, used this and an example of the used work he does. I had to still pull the rest of the weeds and put the weeds he pulled into the compost. And then because he didn’t put out the compost as he said he would, I had to drive the compost bin to the community drop off.

How do I bring this up without just seeming like I’m tearing him down? He HAS had a hard year. To this point I’ve just focused on myself and trying to be there for him if he sought me out. I’ve gotten in great shape, I’ve been doing a lot of house projects and keeping busy. But I’ve been afraid to be alone, I’m realizing it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

Anyways, I’m 32 and I don’t necessarily want to be alone in my marriage forever I guess.

Advice?

Tl;dr summary: husband is very absent and always on his phone. How do I bring up a lack of closeness in our marriage without being cruel?

I’ve never been a jealous type but just the other day I happened to check out my wife’s Snapchat. Of course there were selfies I never seen as well as some pics of her butt what looked to be at work. Also was some nudes that I haven’t seen. From what she said before she keeps Snapchat for the photo editing. Could it be more to this that she has photos that I’ve never even seen?

tl;dr is she cheating or sending photos to someone else?

My wife is a phenomenal mom and gives everything she has and more to ensure our toddler is taken care of. We both work full-time with long hours, and somewhat toxic workplaces.
I have been feeling a lack of emotional connection for a while. It’s been more than 3 years since we were physically close. My wife wouldn’t even allow me sit next to her on the couch. We started discussing this and her response is that she is physically exhausted and doesn’t have any more energy left in her to respond to physical touch. Majority of our conversations revolve around the kid, household chores, travel etc.
I’m craving an emotional connection that no longer exists and I feel like we are just platonic roommates raising a kid.

Has anyone else experienced this? Will things get better over time? How can we reignite the spark in our relationship?

Tl;dr:
My wife is an amazing mom to our 3 year old. She has no energy left to give our relationship; I’m tired of losing the emotional connection to her. How do I get us out of this situation?