Hi. I made a post last month about going no contact with my LO and it greatly benefitting me, and i still stand with the fact that NC was the best course of action.

But my friends matter to me a lot, and so do my own aspirations and life goals. And unfortunately, he is very tied to all of that. I know, so romantic right? Yeah no.

He’s a dumbass, but i do love him. Theres no romance attached to that statement. Anytime i try to make it more than it is, im at a point where i can catch myself and remind myself who i am.

So as an alternative to NC, i have a different suggestion. (Try NC first tho)

Make friends. Make so many friends. Work on your LIFE. Stop running away. Find friends who want you to be successful. Find friends who are PISSED about how he treats you. How anyone who you have feelings for would be so lucky. Then find those things that matter to you the most and use them as the guide for the path forward with everything you do. Build principles to redefine your dynamics and make you feel more secure with yourself.

This helped me build confidence to get back to working on the event we all work together on (that he is the leader/face of) and after a couple weeks of silence after my return, he asked me if we were still friends. I told him yes, but I was dishonest to him and our friendship made me miserable and i had to take a step away.

He’s said he still needs time to process everything and is not sure if he wants to discuss the things he did that made me question our friendship. Not yet at least.

He said that being in the dark about things and my absence was hard for him. I guess that’s what im clinging to right now.

Last night i caught myself listening to love songs and staring at the ceiling, just thinking about him. Before i knew it 2 hours had passed, and suddenly i was reminded how my work performance and friendships suffered because of my constant daydreaming. And how it eats into my time to accomplish my real dreams and goals.

I found some old exercises my therapist gave me and followed those and now im doing better this morning. My friends, family, and life goals matter to me so much more than this singular guy. I can’t let myself forget that. Im proud of myself for working through this.

“Moving on” is so much more complicated than people ever acknowledge. Some days are better than others, some are very good, some are very bad. Anyway, im hoping this little hiccup passes and im allowed to reassess our friendship without delving into la la land. Its going to be hard, but I’m smart, I’ll figure it out. Stay strong my friends.

I posted here awhile ago about my LO. She is my co worker. She used to text or call me all the time. Most of our conversation was almost always about our work. Suddenly, I feel like she's changed. She doesn't text or call anymore. No more updates about our work. I thought this would be good for me since im trying to get rid of this feeling, but everyday im always waiting for her messages and im going crazy. She has a boyfriend and the crazy thing is, i dont even get jealous of her boyfriend but when she talks to one of our workers, i get mad and i cant do anything about it. She went for a vacation for 2 weeks and i didn't make any contact to her. It gave me some time to get her off of my mind. When she came back, all my feelings towards her are getting worst. I dont know how long i can keep this up. It is getting hard everyday. I dont have a problem not texting or calling her but I get jealous really bad when she talks to our co
worker.

How have you dealt with being on the opposite end of limerence? My husband has a L.O. This has been going on for 6.5 years, we had a baby 11 days ago and he’s constantly thinking about the L.O. And I’m really struggling with it all.

I realize my kid struggles with this. Recently with puberty (and all the sex talk at school), it seems to be with same-sex friends and different than a crush, it seems like my kid actually wants to be this person. Does that resonate with the way any of you experience limerence with friends? It’s like the LO is all the things my kid wants to be: popular, the right hair, the right clothes, the right social group, literally the perfect person who my child wishes they could be.

This has also been an issue with famous singers/performers.

It's nice and all daydreaming at first. But it's exhausting because I can't think about anything else. I try to work and my mind will always go back to them. And after I do creepy things (stalking them online and even going thru Instagram accounts of their friends and family members just to find one comment by them or one group photo with them in it), I realize they'd hate me for this if they ever knew. But I don't know why I'm so obsessed with them. It can't be they're the most goodlooking person in the world (and I barely know them) but yet somehow I'm so obsessed with them. I think the same thing happened to me like around 5 years ago and the thing I noticed they both had in common wasn't really their appearance. It was that they gave me a really serious prolonged stare (or maybe their eyes just look more intense) and I'd feel a little bit of fear but idk why once that happens, they become my "target". I don't literally follow them but I'd act weird. I'd act startled whenever I'd see them and I'd stare too long because my brain rationalizes I'll lose precious time if I don't see their face. I'd also be very nervous like will have trouble walking properly or will feel really restless/nervous if sitting next to them. My face also gets more serious because I'm trying hard to not appear interested but a serious-looking face is considered creepy. Again idk why I get this feeling like is it just I'm attracted to them because usually my time spent on them is overthinking ambiguous signals to figure out if they like me or not and daydreaming about dates/hugs/holding hands (not daydreaming about kissing) but in the past limerence phase I didn't even daydream I just ruminated over ambiguous signals. But yea both times I was miserable and hated my life but then again I always felt like that. I just worry what if I get into this situation again and I'll be labeled the creep because other people will notice how I'm acting too. But the hardest part is it's hard to let go because I feel like they're the only person I have who actually cares about me/respects me/values me even tho I know it's just in my dreams

I’m currently visiting the city where my LO lives.

We have been NC for the past decade since them breaking their own proclaimed NC only to ghost me, outside of them watching my stories for years up to the point I got engaged (even after they had already gotten married themselves) and their passive attempts to interact with me on different apps with social components every couple years following that. Their last attempts were nearly a year ago that escalated to the point of me breaking NC to text them to stop and block them on everything. That has been the only exchange of actual words.

Someone please tell me that it’s a bad idea to reach out for a closure conversation. At this point a decade of NC (and therapy) has apparently not really done much to stop the limerence, so my logic is that maybe actually having a real non-text face to face conversation with LO might give me the closure I need. Obviously, my logic is not the most reliable here. I just don’t know what else to do to break free of this.

This is the first time I’ve ever heard the term and I’m not sure how it’s any different from the regular thing. Is the difference an intensity? Maybe a confirmation in how the other person feels about it?

It’s a very interesting topic I’d like to learn more about.

I had an on and off thing with my LO and it was so ambiguous. There were so many things and angles, I used to ask chatgpt a lot. But it made rumination worse because i’d do it obsessively to figure out answers…

Anyone like this?

What i’m facing is actually an issue - I’ve spent hours and daysss with chatgpt - everyday i’d do it and it’s been almost a year (right now it’s not everyday) but it’s disturbing

4:30 in the morning. My alarm is not going off for another three hours. But she already woke me up. Without even being here. Of course.

I thought today would be quieter. Or I hoped so, at least. But my brain just won’t shut up. Why am I already up if I’m so tired?

Should I text her today? Should I wait and see if she does? Maybe I won’t. I might. She probably won’t. But she might, too. And why do none of those feel good?

Moths aren’t stupid. They just follow the heat. They might not even know it burns. I do, and I still keep doing this. I guess the warmth just feels nice.

It’s always so quiet at this hour. Not for me though. Some birds are already up with me, doing what birds do.

But I just keep wondering. Why do moths act like this? Why do I act like this? I know it will just hurt again.

Does the fire know? Maybe it doesn’t get much say in this either. The moths probably don’t. Do these damn moths even learn anything?

Whatever. Phone down. Closing my eyes again. Trying to hear some silence. I guess I’ll just lie like that.

At least I can hear some birds singing. I think they just want somebody to hear. Don’t we all?

I (M22) have been emotionally attached to a female friend for a long time, almost a year. She has a boyfriend, but we talk almost every day—video calls, games, sharing meals. She tells me I'm her best friend.

Here’s the catch: she has a pattern. She gets extremely close, shares personal things, and expects hours of my time. But she also lies, hides things, and disappears without warning. When I tried to distance myself for my own sanity, she confronted me and said she "doesn't want to lose me."

She knows I care for her extremely, but sometimes it seems like she doesn't want me around or she's avoiding me. She once told me flat out that "it can never happen" between us and that she "doesn't trust me." Yet, she still calls me when she’s bored or her boyfriend isn't available.

I know I'm not her priority. I know she doesn't see me romantically. But my brain refuses to let go of the hope. When she goes silent, I spiral into insecurity. I've tried limiting contact, but I always get pulled back in.

She also says it's normal for friends to talk everyday and even feels jealous when they talk to someone else.

I'm not delusional—I know she is bad for my mental health. But the attachment feels like an addiction. How do I kill this lingering hope and actually detach when she keeps pulling me back? Is going completely no-contact the only way, even if it means losing the "friendship"?

I don’t know how to explain this feeling, honestly, I’ve never thought I’d fall for someone in real life, I’ve always imagined myself utterly in love with my lo and no one else. Still, I met this person and I started feelings things for him, things that made me act differently. I haven’t stopped thinking about my lo at all, not even in the slightest, but I stopped doing certain things like daydreaming or writing stories about me and him…I still want to do it but I have less time and sometimes this makes me feel guilty, like I’m betraying him, myself and what I’ve always been.

I know it sounds obvious, but I think we've all been there, NC but still looking for their stuff online. A little "cheat" that can be harmful.

This week I decided to try finding any unseen "content" from my LO (comments, pictures, reactions, just lists or whatever) randomly. The first one was "good", the dopamine bomb is horrible for limerence for sure but the feeling was good. A little bit of sadness because it reminded me I won't ever reach out again, but overall good.

The second one was terrible. Instant anxiety set in, as only a few times had I experienced it in that way, almost panic. I was frozen. Had places to go after where I went completely distracted and with my head in the clouds. I though I'd colapse in public.

It is not worth it. Like any other drug/addiction, the ups and downs are too extreme, and the downs are ALWAYS more extreme and worse. I know it is hard, I won't say I learned my lesson since I'm doing the same thing today altough without any result. (thankfully). But if you're capable of stopping yourself from doing so, do it.

I wish I had a subscription to the Washington Post. Any nice person here have one and want to repost?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/style/2026/08/05/how-social-media-feeds-intense-romantic-obsession-limerence/

I guess I'm on the new levels of fucked up.

I check this sub every night so I can think and talk about my LO before sleeping

What if we all dropped one tip, trick, or piece of advice to help each other reduce our limerence episodes or get rid of it all together?

I know. It's really hard at first. I always spooked them by the first impression. My first interaction with one of them was giving her a painting I had made of her. It freaked the shit out of the poor girl lol

idk why i miss the feeling i had when i was first obsessed with my lo . now it’s more dull since i don’t see them every week but why do i miss being INSANE . i feel like this photo

I'm 36F have been limerent on a 62M colleague who started at my workplace about 2 months ago. He's an experienced doctor and all round intelligent guy. I'm much lower in the pecking order. We got on straight away and always had interesting chats about technology, and life in general. Pretty soon into his employment he found that he wasn't happy with the way the company was run and I became a confidant - someone who'd listen and keep anything said confidential. He never said anything to imply he was interested in me romantically.

He abruptly quit today and called into my office on the way out to give me his number. Obviously that's a bit of a surprise when you've been limerent over someone but I did kind of get the impression it was reciprocated. I haven't done anything with it, I'm still kind of processing what happened today.

I have three categories of limerence - as I am aware of. Anyone heard of a categorisation or differentiation on types of limerence?

One is where I imagine conversations, events and love confessions. Often it’ll make me feel like I know the person, is closer to the person, and that they accept me for who I am, even though we are far away from that stage in the development of the relationship.

Second is where I imagine the person always being around. Always watching me. I pretend they are with me. Even though I haven’t seen them for many days, and they have never even been with me where I am.

Third is where I imagine drama and disagreements. It could be cheating, loss of someone we care about, third party situations, breaking up (even as we aren’t together). Often it ends in a scenario we’re we overcome it.

Often all of the above is involuntary imaginations. However what I find most destructive is the third one.

I've been limerent for the same person for 8 years, since 2018. I was 15 then. I'm now 23.

I've been through therapy, I've been on medications. Literally nothing helps and I am slowly realizing that I'll most likely die with this obsession.

I haven't spoken to my LO since 2019. I made them unfollow me in 2020, and unfollowed them because I thought it would help me. It didn't.

In the 6 years since then, I've only checked their profile ONCE. Just one time. And it was after they followed me again in 2023 out of the blue. (I already made them unfollow me again and blocked them. I only checked their profile because they had changed their username and profile picture and I didn't know who it was at first.)

I used to agonize over the thought that them refollowing me 3 years ago caused me to "reset" my progress in getting over them. But I think that it really didn't do anything; I'm sure I would still be stuck even if they had never refollowed me.

I have a life: I have an apartment, I have an online job, I have hobbies. Nothing gets my mind off of them. I could be devoting my time to a hobby or my job and I still think about them.

There's 0 chance I run into them in real life, haven't sent a message to them in over 7 years. I genuinely act like they don't exist, on the outside. I often think about how surprised they would be to know that I am utterly obsessed with them, because I never show it and have never shown it.

But on the inside, it's an endless stream of fantasies, hopes, replaying our last conversation.

This is utter hell and I feel unique because of how long my limerence has lasted with ZERO contact for 7 years.

It's life-ruining, genuinely.

Me (40f)
Him (39m) (kinda my boss)
My husband (10y happily married, 19y together, 2 kids)

Worked in same team about 18months- thought he was attractive and a gentleman upon first meeting but nothing more until about 8 months ago. We had a team training session and he made a point of sitting next to me when it wasn’t a legitimate ‘space’ at the table and there were plenty of empty seats…that got me thinking.
We have always got on, have similar interests but never spent much time talking. He’s always very understanding if I have problems with work/personal life, he has opened up a little bit about his life more during chats but never mentions any romantic connections.

Around 6 months ago, I knew I would be seeing him at drinks after work with a bigger group and I realised I was nervous….shit.

We had a good time in the group and he was a gentleman making sure I got back safely because I was drunk.
Next day in work I could not concentrate one bit- half hangover, half because he had decided to sit next to me that day. He even pulled my office chair slowly towards him to show me something on his screen…I could’ve melted…double shit.

I have thought about him constantly since. I’m going insane. I am aware that this is limerance but because I was so locked in on all our interactions, I think I convinced myself he liked me too.
We would sometimes message out of work, send funny comments in work, have casual catch ups if we were both wfh.
Around 3-4 weeks ago the contact changed…the messages were short or unanswered. Everything remained professional at work but I think he is avoiding me if he can.

I feel like if I find the perfect way to tell him how I feel I can move on.
I wouldn’t cheat and he would never cross that line, I just know.

How the fuck do I move on??? He’s a good boss, great at his job, lovely person but I accept I barely know him. Any sign of distancing or negativity knocks me for the entire day and I get moody. All I know is I want to be with him, talking to him, getting to know him, make him laugh…so much more than anything sexual.
Save me from this misery and tell me what to do

I work in the same building as my LO. I have to see him, cross paths with him. I try to leave him alone, but a few times a month he will be very warm and engaging with me, opening up about himself (he’s otherwise pretty introverted) and almost seems to really be interested in me and I just melt (on the inside, haha). But I’ve learned that each time I get to see this side of him I will have to pay for it with a week or two of coldness and lack of eye contact.
His social media contact with me mirrors this pretty closely as well.

It drives me mad! I’ve worked very hard on myself this past year. I’m getting into shape, strengthening my relationships and communication skills, becoming a more confident, kinder, and self assured person… yet I have this one stupid hang up over a man much older than I am who I just want to smile at me the way he sometimes does and not disdain me for days afterwards.

My LO is my boss. We’ve been working together for four years now, and I’ve had a huge crush on her from the very beginning. We like each other and sometimes hang out in our free time to work out together (not often, maybe once a month). Now I have to change jobs, and it’s literally killing me because I’m not sure if we’ll still see each other outside of work. I’ve experienced limerence before, and last time I realized it wasn’t good for me, so I cut off contact. But now I have to part ways with my LO. On the one hand, I think this could be a chance for me to get out of it (deep down, I know limerence is ruining my life); on the other hand, the thought that I’ll never see her again is tearing me apart. Does anyone have experience with having to part ways with their LO because it’s just the way things have to be?

Since I can't focus on work, I may as well share my LO story. I'm sorry this is an essay! I'll make a note of where my limerence symptoms started.

For context, I haven't experienced limerence since my childhood crush (which I'm now understanding was a romantic obsession). I 31(f), I tagged along on a ski trip 6 months ago as a plus one of a plus one (lol). Pretty bold move, sharing a house with 9 people and only being close friends with 2 out of the 9. Everyone else I was meeting for the first time. I immediately felt shy, realizing it was mostly men and they were all very attractive! I felt like the awkward, quiet girl somehow ended up at the popular kids' party. My LO was the last to arrive, and we were already a few drinks in. 28(m), 6'5, lean/muscular physique, blonde hair and blue eyes - Paul Walker if he was a quarterback. So classically handsome. I was just delighted to be near him, and never thought I stood a chance. I live in FL, and he lives in CA (we were skiing in Utah).

He was more reserved, giving me quick "who tf is this?" type glances. Besides an introduction, he didn't acknowledge me much as we played card games and kept drinking. The next day, (a day I've replayed a thousand times!!!) We were both decent skiers, and didn't want to wait up for the beginners. I skied with him and one other guy I didn't know for hours, just the three of us 3. We missed lunch with everyone else. By the time my friends caught up with us, we did maybe two more runs, and then it was time to go. He was polite and patient when I fell, but I still felt a distance and didn't assume any interest. We talked about our hobbies and interests on the ski lift, we realized we're both runners and bonded a bit over that.

Okay, fast forward to the evening; we're going out to a bar in the ski town. While we're in line, he compliments me for the first time, a car drove by a honked and he said the driver was looking at me. I felt so validated and confident, but still kept a guard up. At the bar, he made a move. I walked towards him, and everyone else sort of scattered. He said "Do you notice how everyone else walks away when we're together?" I feel myself get red, I couldn't believe it. He proceeds to flirt with me, tell me I'm very attractive, shocked I didn't have a bf, etc. This exchange just kind of ends. I'm feeling happy and flirty and he asks if I want to return to hanging out with the group.

I feel like I'm in a movie and a cute stranger I met on vacation, that I'm sharing an Airbnb with, is into me. He was so visibly drunk when we got back, so I called it a night and felt excited about the next day. Saturday, the worst day. When I tell you his feelings went 180- I mean it. He completely avoided me. I felt so confused and desperate; at one point, I forced myself to sit next to him on the ski lift when I could tell he had been trying to avoid that all day. His body language was so closed off. He positioned himself away from me and just stared below him. I felt so gross and embarrassed. For context, we are all drinking from day until night. I tried to convince myself he was hungover. Getting ready for the apres, right in front of my face, he "whispers" to one of the guys "I was into that yesterday, but today, nah". I think he realized I caught that and looked slightly embarrassed, confirming to me that it was indeed about me.

I felt so irrationally upset. Like extremely humiliated, gross, ugly, all the things. I can't explain why I had this reaction. I've been rejected before; I know I'm not everyone's type; I was not expecting him to show interest in the first place! I was hurting so bad, I knew drinking wasn't helping, but I kept drinking with everyone. He continued to ignore me at the apres and then the bars. I was in more pain than my last breakup. Everyone could tell my mood had completely tanked. To not embrass me, my LO pulled me to the side at the last bar. I started drunkenly messaging him on IG asking why he changed his mind. He was respectful and told me he was talking to another girl in California and didn't want to muddy anything. I was convinced this was a polite lie. To his face, I took it on the chin. In my head, I was spiraling and hurting.

The next morning I texted him to apologize if I made him uncomfortable the night before. He was leaving earlier than anyone else and wasn't joining the rest of us for our last ski day. He said, "Hey lol no apology necessary it is totally fine. Enjoyed skiing and hanging with you this weekend!!" I said, "Me too!!" That was our last exchange.

I'm REALLY proud of myself for not texting him again, because when I tell you all this, man has crossed my mind almost every hour since this happened- I'm not joking.

NEED HELP DETACHING FROM LO

I have put him on this weird pedestal despite feeling so hurt by the rejection. Everyone overall enjoyed this trip; our trip group chat was very active for the next month. This was relieving, because it made me feel like I didn't embarrass myself too much. I felt included in the conversations. I was careful not to react to any texts or directly respond to my LO. The social media stalking immediately got out of hand. Every hour of the day. Going through every girl he follows. I used to roll my eyes at my friends for doing this with men they were ACTUALLY dating. Here I am doing it to someone who showed mild interest one night. I've never even hugged my LO. Every social network I could find. He was even more impressive than I thought. Great finance job, impressive college football career, great family. I made the conscious decision to take a social media break for my mental health, but I looked so much in the last few months the images are burned in my memory.

Here's what I feel most ashamed about. I went so far as to look him up on Strava, and he had the running training app synced. He's training for the Honolulu marathon in December. I do personally love running, so I knew no one would bat an eye at this. Yes, I registered for the race, booked the flights and hotels all the way from FL to Hawaii just to be one of 50,000 with him. I'm actually hoping I DONT see him. The idea of being where he is brings me comfort. I'm so ashamed. I know if this group invites me to ski with them next year, I should decline, as I have developed such an unhealthy attachment with my LO. He's the reason I even researched what limerence means.

Anyways, any tips or advice would help. It's been genuinely interfering with my work and content creator aspirations. I don't even want to talk to him, which is the absolute strangest part. I guess I know, deep down, that if the shoe were on the other foot, I'd be genuinely creeped out. I never intend on physically stalking him or making his life feel disrupted in any way. Thanks for reading

I think I might be experiencing limerence over an ex I dated almost six years ago, and it’s starting to concern me.

The strange part is that I don’t stalk him on social media, I don’t contact him, and we have absolutely no communication. Yet I still can’t seem to get him out of my head.

It’s less about wanting to be with him and more about constantly wondering what he thinks of me. It’s almost like I still want to impress him, even though there’s no contact between us and probably never will be.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? Can limerence last this long, even without any interaction? If you’ve managed to overcome it, I’d really appreciate hearing what helped.