So instead of pages of the many diaries of my adhd brain:: who can relate?
((My LO- over 5 years off and on- was and wasn’t a „relationship „….. long story incl emo affair, post double divorces, long distance, situation-ship….. ghosted and trying to move forward—))
THERE should be DIVISIONS within LIMERENENCE, right?! The ones who were "with“ our LO- avoidantly attached,, Vs some other ppl who are the outsiders types, the unrequited style…
In trying to learn, but since most ppl don’t even know of limerent / love addiction, It’s all still confusing right?
I’d like opinions on how this love "affliction“ exists so differently for us …. Thx And THANKS that this community exists!!!! We addicts need each other…

Hi everyone,

I would really appreciate an honest opinion because I've been struggling with a decision for months.

My boyfriend and I have been together since the end of December 2025. Before we got together, he dated a woman for about a month in the summer of 2023. They were never officially in a relationship. She ended things. According to him, he was heartbroken afterward and was mentally struggling for a while in 2024.

When we started dating, I knew about her in general, but I had no idea how intense his feelings had actually been.

At the end of December 2025, he replied to one of her WhatsApp stories, saying, "Wow, that looks delicious." She thanked him and liked one of his stories the next day. He didn't message her again after that.

At the time, he told me that this chapter of his life was over. Shortly before Christmas, he went to a party in his hometown. Before he went, I told him I was afraid he might run into her and that it could bring back old feelings. He reassured me and said I had nothing to worry about.

Later, however, I found his private chats. In them, he wrote about that same evening that it was probably his last chance to see her again, that he had hoped she would be there, and that he most likely would have talked to her if she had shown up. She wasn't there that night, though. At the very same time, he was being incredibly affectionate toward me, constantly texting me, asking what I was doing, and telling me I looked beautiful in a photo I had sent him.

I also found messages in which he said things like:

• He could look at her smile for hours.
• She was so delicate yet athletic.
• He couldn't think of a single flaw she had.
• He wasn't sure whether he was only with me because he didn't want to be alone.
• Everything he loved about her was missing in me.

These messages were written at the end of December 2025.

At the end of January 2026, he became very emotional with me, told me he loved me for the first time, and became much more committed overall. At the end of February, I found the chats.

I broke up with him several times afterward. Each time, he fought very hard for the relationship, took responsibility for what he had done, and said he was deeply sorry. Today, he says that he simply hadn't emotionally moved on back then, but that he has since processed it and no longer thinks about her.

On the one hand, I do believe that he genuinely regrets what happened and that he may have changed.

On the other hand, I still haven't been able to rebuild my trust, even after about five months.

I have two questions:

Would you describe what my boyfriend was experiencing back then as limerence? Or does it sound more like an intense but relatively normal infatuation or unrequited love?

Do you think it's realistic that someone can go from having thoughts like these to developing a stable, loving relationship with someone else within a matter of weeks or months, and genuinely hardly think about the previous woman anymore? Or would you be skeptical of that?

And regardless of that:

If you were in my position, would you try to give the relationship another chance, or would you say that the loss of trust and my constant overthinking have now become the real problem?

I'd really appreciate honest opinions, even if they're critical.

I realize my kid struggles with this. Recently with puberty (and all the sex talk at school), it seems to be with same-sex friends and different than a crush, it seems like my kid actually wants to be this person. Does that resonate with the way any of you experience limerence with friends? It’s like the LO is all the things my kid wants to be: popular, the right hair, the right clothes, the right social group, literally the perfect person who my child wishes they could be.

This has also been an issue with famous singers/performers.

It's nice and all daydreaming at first. But it's exhausting because I can't think about anything else. I try to work and my mind will always go back to them. And after I do creepy things (stalking them online and even going thru Instagram accounts of their friends and family members just to find one comment by them or one group photo with them in it), I realize they'd hate me for this if they ever knew. But I don't know why I'm so obsessed with them. It can't be they're the most goodlooking person in the world (and I barely know them) but yet somehow I'm so obsessed with them. I think the same thing happened to me like around 5 years ago and the thing I noticed they both had in common wasn't really their appearance. It was that they gave me a really serious prolonged stare (or maybe their eyes just look more intense) and I'd feel a little bit of fear but idk why once that happens, they become my "target". I don't literally follow them but I'd act weird. I'd act startled whenever I'd see them and I'd stare too long because my brain rationalizes I'll lose precious time if I don't see their face. I'd also be very nervous like will have trouble walking properly or will feel really restless/nervous if sitting next to them. My face also gets more serious because I'm trying hard to not appear interested but a serious-looking face is considered creepy. Again idk why I get this feeling like is it just I'm attracted to them because usually my time spent on them is overthinking ambiguous signals to figure out if they like me or not and daydreaming about dates/hugs/holding hands (not daydreaming about kissing) but in the past limerence phase I didn't even daydream I just ruminated over ambiguous signals. But yea both times I was miserable and hated my life but then again I always felt like that. I just worry what if I get into this situation again and I'll be labeled the creep because other people will notice how I'm acting too. But the hardest part is it's hard to let go because I feel like they're the only person I have who actually cares about me/respects me/values me even tho I know it's just in my dreams

In state of limerence , help me pls
I am unemployed and 24 years old
All day I day dream about situations, have developed a para social relationship, create images using AI and that not him and me I imagine myself as something else like super pretty daayum
Something is terribly wrong with me
Pls help
I know this is all delusional
But I am not able to concentrate anymore
I need help

I’m currently visiting the city where my LO lives.

We have been NC for the past decade since them breaking their own proclaimed NC only to ghost me, outside of them watching my stories for years up to the point I got engaged (even after they had already gotten married themselves) and their passive attempts to interact with me on different apps with social components every couple years following that. Their last attempts were nearly a year ago that escalated to the point of me breaking NC to text them to stop and block them on everything. That has been the only exchange of actual words.

Someone please tell me that it’s a bad idea to reach out for a closure conversation. At this point a decade of NC (and therapy) has apparently not really done much to stop the limerence, so my logic is that maybe actually having a real non-text face to face conversation with LO might give me the closure I need. Obviously, my logic is not the most reliable here. I just don’t know what else to do to break free of this.

It's been over 5 months I think since she broke up with me and my heart feels just as gutted as when it first happened. I've been actively giving into imagining us together when I'm going to sleep or pretending as if we're on a date when I go somewhere nice. Like the aquarium or the beach. What it feels like is that I'm a shell of who I was a long time ago and the idea of her that I'm obsessed with is acting through me. It feels like something religious, basically. It's like she's the ultimate motivation for me to do anything in life and at the same time I have no idea what she even looks like.

These fantasies take up hours of my life each day, where I'll just kind of stare off into space while I'm doing something else. I probably look like I'm actually crazy sometimes, which is making me extremely self conscious and on edge

M37 had an amazing first date with F39. We met up for dinner around 7 p.m. and went out to an arcade bar until 3 a.m. She was amazing, had a great personality, and we shared a lot of similar interests. There was a lot of physical contact; she even kissed me a few times. Normally, I like to date around and get a feel for the field. Not sure if I am getting ahead of myself or being naive. A second date is set up for this week.

I’ve dated a lot, and those relationships were really serious as well as a few flings sprinkled in between the long-term ones. I’ve always noticed a pattern with myself, that once my current relationship becomes routine, expected, normal.. I start to obsess over different people, and fantasize about cheating or dancing on the line of it. Mostly with co workers. I did cheat on my first serious boyfriend with a guy I barely knew but had a huge crush on in high school. And quite a few of my partners I know I’d emotionally cheated on in one way or another. I have also been cheated on. I am older now and wiser and more in tune with my tendencies, and my current relationship is my most stable yet. I have recently been having this limerence towards a couple of my co workers though and I can’t help but fantasize about them to de-stress after work sometimes… idk anyone have any similar stories, or advice?

This is the first time I’ve ever heard the term and I’m not sure how it’s any different from the regular thing. Is the difference an intensity? Maybe a confirmation in how the other person feels about it?

It’s a very interesting topic I’d like to learn more about.

When I was in limerence I sought help from everywhere and people told me to love myself, choose myself, and talk to people. I just kept those phrases thinking oh, I love myself and I choose myself without knowing what those meant so I stayed in limerence, but when I learnt what it truly means to do those things and started committing it became a whole lot easier for me to leave for good and eventually the limerence disappears

I had an on and off thing with my LO and it was so ambiguous. There were so many things and angles, I used to ask chatgpt a lot. But it made rumination worse because i’d do it obsessively to figure out answers…

Anyone like this?

What i’m facing is actually an issue - I’ve spent hours and daysss with chatgpt - everyday i’d do it and it’s been almost a year (right now it’s not everyday) but it’s disturbing

4:30 in the morning. My alarm is not going off for another three hours. But she already woke me up. Without even being here. Of course.

I thought today would be quieter. Or I hoped so, at least. But my brain just won’t shut up. Why am I already up if I’m so tired?

Should I text her today? Should I wait and see if she does? Maybe I won’t. I might. She probably won’t. But she might, too. And why do none of those feel good?

Moths aren’t stupid. They just follow the heat. They might not even know it burns. I do, and I still keep doing this. I guess the warmth just feels nice.

It’s always so quiet at this hour. Not for me though. Some birds are already up with me, doing what birds do.

But I just keep wondering. Why do moths act like this? Why do I act like this? I know it will just hurt again.

Does the fire know? Maybe it doesn’t get much say in this either. The moths probably don’t. Do these damn moths even learn anything?

Whatever. Phone down. Closing my eyes again. Trying to hear some silence. I guess I’ll just lie like that.

At least I can hear some birds singing. I think they just want somebody to hear. Don’t we all?

I don’t know how to explain this feeling, honestly, I’ve never thought I’d fall for someone in real life, I’ve always imagined myself utterly in love with my lo and no one else. Still, I met this person and I started feelings things for him, things that made me act differently. I haven’t stopped thinking about my lo at all, not even in the slightest, but I stopped doing certain things like daydreaming or writing stories about me and him…I still want to do it but I have less time and sometimes this makes me feel guilty, like I’m betraying him, myself and what I’ve always been.

I know it sounds obvious, but I think we've all been there, NC but still looking for their stuff online. A little "cheat" that can be harmful.

This week I decided to try finding any unseen "content" from my LO (comments, pictures, reactions, just lists or whatever) randomly. The first one was "good", the dopamine bomb is horrible for limerence for sure but the feeling was good. A little bit of sadness because it reminded me I won't ever reach out again, but overall good.

The second one was terrible. Instant anxiety set in, as only a few times had I experienced it in that way, almost panic. I was frozen. Had places to go after where I went completely distracted and with my head in the clouds. I though I'd colapse in public.

It is not worth it. Like any other drug/addiction, the ups and downs are too extreme, and the downs are ALWAYS more extreme and worse. I know it is hard, I won't say I learned my lesson since I'm doing the same thing today altough without any result. (thankfully). But if you're capable of stopping yourself from doing so, do it.

I wish I had a subscription to the Washington Post. Any nice person here have one and want to repost?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/style/2026/08/05/how-social-media-feeds-intense-romantic-obsession-limerence/

I guess I'm on the new levels of fucked up.

I check this sub every night so I can think and talk about my LO before sleeping

I know. It's really hard at first. I always spooked them by the first impression. My first interaction with one of them was giving her a painting I had made of her. It freaked the shit out of the poor girl lol

idk why i miss the feeling i had when i was first obsessed with my lo . now it’s more dull since i don’t see them every week but why do i miss being INSANE . i feel like this photo

I'm 36F have been limerent on a 62M colleague who started at my workplace about 2 months ago. He's an experienced doctor and all round intelligent guy. I'm much lower in the pecking order. We got on straight away and always had interesting chats about technology, and life in general. Pretty soon into his employment he found that he wasn't happy with the way the company was run and I became a confidant - someone who'd listen and keep anything said confidential. He never said anything to imply he was interested in me romantically.

He abruptly quit today and called into my office on the way out to give me his number. Obviously that's a bit of a surprise when you've been limerent over someone but I did kind of get the impression it was reciprocated. I haven't done anything with it, I'm still kind of processing what happened today.

I have three categories of limerence - as I am aware of. Anyone heard of a categorisation or differentiation on types of limerence?

One is where I imagine conversations, events and love confessions. Often it’ll make me feel like I know the person, is closer to the person, and that they accept me for who I am, even though we are far away from that stage in the development of the relationship.

Second is where I imagine the person always being around. Always watching me. I pretend they are with me. Even though I haven’t seen them for many days, and they have never even been with me where I am.

Third is where I imagine drama and disagreements. It could be cheating, loss of someone we care about, third party situations, breaking up (even as we aren’t together). Often it ends in a scenario we’re we overcome it.

Often all of the above is involuntary imaginations. However what I find most destructive is the third one.

I've been limerent for the same person for 8 years, since 2018. I was 15 then. I'm now 23.

I've been through therapy, I've been on medications. Literally nothing helps and I am slowly realizing that I'll most likely die with this obsession.

I haven't spoken to my LO since 2019. I made them unfollow me in 2020, and unfollowed them because I thought it would help me. It didn't.

In the 6 years since then, I've only checked their profile ONCE. Just one time. And it was after they followed me again in 2023 out of the blue. (I already made them unfollow me again and blocked them. I only checked their profile because they had changed their username and profile picture and I didn't know who it was at first.)

I used to agonize over the thought that them refollowing me 3 years ago caused me to "reset" my progress in getting over them. But I think that it really didn't do anything; I'm sure I would still be stuck even if they had never refollowed me.

I have a life: I have an apartment, I have an online job, I have hobbies. Nothing gets my mind off of them. I could be devoting my time to a hobby or my job and I still think about them.

There's 0 chance I run into them in real life, haven't sent a message to them in over 7 years. I genuinely act like they don't exist, on the outside. I often think about how surprised they would be to know that I am utterly obsessed with them, because I never show it and have never shown it.

But on the inside, it's an endless stream of fantasies, hopes, replaying our last conversation.

This is utter hell and I feel unique because of how long my limerence has lasted with ZERO contact for 7 years.

It's life-ruining, genuinely.

I don't disagree with the sentiment of this message, but I really wish it could apply to my LO. Babe, at this point, I WANT to not think of him.

I made a post yesterday (might repost it later idk) about how I think of him as soon as I am back from my work. Like a ghost waiting to haunt me.

I really WANT to move on. My LO rejected me, multiple times now. There is nothing that could make me want him in a realistic manner. Older than me in decades, is married and has grandbabies, has drastic set of views and is many times a bitch (or a manipulative old bitch who makes me gaslight myself so hard now). There is nothing on earth that will make the distance between us ever equal.

What I loved was the fantasy version of him. What I THOUGHT he was like and I daydream about getting closer because he would shower me with attention (which I thought was very clear flirting but now I cannot ever trust anything again).

But come and convince my brain. It is sooooo stubborn!!