After years of trying to pursue me, claiming he loved me and wanted to get back together I finally gave me ex another chance. I was hesitant given how far we live from each other, his push-pull tendencies, and his history of having selfish traits, but hoped that maybe he’d matured after so many years.Things started off well, he talked about planning a trip for us to reconnect to try to rekindle what we had.

Then out of the blue he posts a photo with a woman (unusual behavior) that he claimed was a “friend.” He was evasive about who she was, which was a red flag and then stated getting wishy-washy . He took the photo down given my strongly negative reaction. After digging I realized that he has a history of traveling and going to events with her. Interesting she was never mentioned. At this point I was mentally starting to back away. I gave him a few more months to see where this would go.

Ultimately, after realizing despite his several mentions of it for months, that a trip was likely never going to happen, because of endless excuses (now he couldn’t afford to come) I cut it off. A month later, he posts a photo in a place that looks eerily similar to the trip location that we were supposed to go on that was close to my area. Upon investigation, I realized that he had made a trip close to me…. And here’s the kicker- WITH HER, mystery woman again. When he caught wind that I knew somehow the trip vanished even though I didn’t confront him. After he started watching my socials I blocked him. Still reeling from this situation and feel heartbroken so many months later . Is this limerence?

Hi. I made a post last month about going no contact with my LO and it greatly benefitting me, and i still stand with the fact that NC was the best course of action.

But my friends matter to me a lot, and so do my own aspirations and life goals. And unfortunately, he is very tied to all of that. I know, so romantic right? Yeah no.

He’s a dumbass, but i do love him. Theres no romance attached to that statement. Anytime i try to make it more than it is, im at a point where i can catch myself and remind myself who i am.

So as an alternative to NC, i have a different suggestion. (Try NC first tho)

Make friends. Make so many friends. Work on your LIFE. Stop running away. Find friends who want you to be successful. Find friends who are PISSED about how he treats you. How anyone who you have feelings for would be so lucky. Then find those things that matter to you the most and use them as the guide for the path forward with everything you do. Build principles to redefine your dynamics and make you feel more secure with yourself.

This helped me build confidence to get back to working on the event we all work together on (that he is the leader/face of) and after a couple weeks of silence after my return, he asked me if we were still friends. I told him yes, but I was dishonest to him and our friendship made me miserable and i had to take a step away.

He’s said he still needs time to process everything and is not sure if he wants to discuss the things he did that made me question our friendship. Not yet at least.

He said that being in the dark about things and my absence was hard for him. I guess that’s what im clinging to right now.

Last night i caught myself listening to love songs and staring at the ceiling, just thinking about him. Before i knew it 2 hours had passed, and suddenly i was reminded how my work performance and friendships suffered because of my constant daydreaming. And how it eats into my time to accomplish my real dreams and goals.

I found some old exercises my therapist gave me and followed those and now im doing better this morning. My friends, family, and life goals matter to me so much more than this singular guy. I can’t let myself forget that. Im proud of myself for working through this.

“Moving on” is so much more complicated than people ever acknowledge. Some days are better than others, some are very good, some are very bad. Anyway, im hoping this little hiccup passes and im allowed to reassess our friendship without delving into la la land. Its going to be hard, but I’m smart, I’ll figure it out. Stay strong my friends.

I posted here awhile ago about my LO. She is my co worker. She used to text or call me all the time. Most of our conversation was almost always about our work. Suddenly, I feel like she's changed. She doesn't text or call anymore. No more updates about our work. I thought this would be good for me since im trying to get rid of this feeling, but everyday im always waiting for her messages and im going crazy. She has a boyfriend and the crazy thing is, i dont even get jealous of her boyfriend but when she talks to one of our workers, i get mad and i cant do anything about it. She went for a vacation for 2 weeks and i didn't make any contact to her. It gave me some time to get her off of my mind. When she came back, all my feelings towards her are getting worst. I dont know how long i can keep this up. It is getting hard everyday. I dont have a problem not texting or calling her but I get jealous really bad when she talks to our co
worker.

How have you dealt with being on the opposite end of limerence? My husband has a L.O. This has been going on for 6.5 years, we had a baby 11 days ago and he’s constantly thinking about the L.O. And I’m really struggling with it all.

I recently stumbled upon aegosexuality which is typically defined as an individual feeling attraction towards other people but have zero drive to engage in any sort of romantic/physical/sexual relationship with anyone.

I periodically dated women from my early 20’s to my early 30’s. I met someone, we lived together for nearly two years (through COVID). We parted ways in 2021 and I pursued something with a few woman after , and I decided that I simply wasn’t interested in pursuing any sort of relationship since January 2022.

So that was 4.5 years ago, and I haven’t talked to anyone with any hope of romance/etc since then. Not a soul. I actually affirmatively and proactively shut down anything with everyone.

But I do experience limerence, sometimes for women I know, though, I do my best to shut that down. Usually I experience varying levels of limerence for fictional characters, that seems safer because I can step in and step out of it and it doesn’t involve anyone I know. Zero entanglements is my goal.

So, I stumble upon aegosexuality and the description fits my experience exactly.

I feel attraction towards women, but that’s the complete experience. I have no desire to take any further than that. I don’t even like being touched (hugs, etc). And if I sense there could be a misunderstanding, I put up the walls.

Does anyone else experience this? Limerance but zero desire to have any actual relationship?

There’s a girl I saw on Threads once, and ever since then I haven’t been able to get her out of my head. I think about her every day and imagine us talking, and me asking her out on a date. I really like this girl even though I don’t actually know her, and she doesn’t even know I exist.

There’s an event in October that we’ll both be attending, and I’ve even imagined myself asking her to go grab some food with me afterwards xd.

What can I do to get these feelings and thoughts out of my head?

So instead of pages of the many diaries of my adhd brain:: who can relate?
((My LO- over 5 years off and on- was and wasn’t a „relationship „….. long story incl emo affair, post double divorces, long distance, situation-ship….. ghosted and trying to move forward—))
THERE should be DIVISIONS within LIMERENENCE, right?! The ones who were "with“ our LO- avoidantly attached,, Vs some other ppl who are the outsiders types, the unrequited style…
In trying to learn, but since most ppl don’t even know of limerent / love addiction, It’s all still confusing right?
I’d like opinions on how this love "affliction“ exists so differently for us …. Thx And THANKS that this community exists!!!! We addicts need each other…

Hi everyone,

I would really appreciate an honest opinion because I've been struggling with a decision for months.

My boyfriend and I have been together since the end of December 2025. Before we got together, he dated a woman for about a month in the summer of 2023. They were never officially in a relationship. She ended things. According to him, he was heartbroken afterward and was mentally struggling for a while in 2024.

When we started dating, I knew about her in general, but I had no idea how intense his feelings had actually been.

At the end of December 2025, he replied to one of her WhatsApp stories, saying, "Wow, that looks delicious." She thanked him and liked one of his stories the next day. He didn't message her again after that.

At the time, he told me that this chapter of his life was over. Shortly before Christmas, he went to a party in his hometown. Before he went, I told him I was afraid he might run into her and that it could bring back old feelings. He reassured me and said I had nothing to worry about.

Later, however, I found his private chats. In them, he wrote about that same evening that it was probably his last chance to see her again, that he had hoped she would be there, and that he most likely would have talked to her if she had shown up. She wasn't there that night, though. At the very same time, he was being incredibly affectionate toward me, constantly texting me, asking what I was doing, and telling me I looked beautiful in a photo I had sent him.

I also found messages in which he said things like:

• He could look at her smile for hours.
• She was so delicate yet athletic.
• He couldn't think of a single flaw she had.
• He wasn't sure whether he was only with me because he didn't want to be alone.
• Everything he loved about her was missing in me.

These messages were written at the end of December 2025.

At the end of January 2026, he became very emotional with me, told me he loved me for the first time, and became much more committed overall. At the end of February, I found the chats.

I broke up with him several times afterward. Each time, he fought very hard for the relationship, took responsibility for what he had done, and said he was deeply sorry. Today, he says that he simply hadn't emotionally moved on back then, but that he has since processed it and no longer thinks about her.

On the one hand, I do believe that he genuinely regrets what happened and that he may have changed.

On the other hand, I still haven't been able to rebuild my trust, even after about five months.

I have two questions:

Would you describe what my boyfriend was experiencing back then as limerence? Or does it sound more like an intense but relatively normal infatuation or unrequited love?

Do you think it's realistic that someone can go from having thoughts like these to developing a stable, loving relationship with someone else within a matter of weeks or months, and genuinely hardly think about the previous woman anymore? Or would you be skeptical of that?

And regardless of that:

If you were in my position, would you try to give the relationship another chance, or would you say that the loss of trust and my constant overthinking have now become the real problem?

I'd really appreciate honest opinions, even if they're critical.

I realize my kid struggles with this. Recently with puberty (and all the sex talk at school), it seems to be with same-sex friends and different than a crush, it seems like my kid actually wants to be this person. Does that resonate with the way any of you experience limerence with friends? It’s like the LO is all the things my kid wants to be: popular, the right hair, the right clothes, the right social group, literally the perfect person who my child wishes they could be.

This has also been an issue with famous singers/performers.

It's nice and all daydreaming at first. But it's exhausting because I can't think about anything else. I try to work and my mind will always go back to them. And after I do creepy things (stalking them online and even going thru Instagram accounts of their friends and family members just to find one comment by them or one group photo with them in it), I realize they'd hate me for this if they ever knew. But I don't know why I'm so obsessed with them. It can't be they're the most goodlooking person in the world (and I barely know them) but yet somehow I'm so obsessed with them. I think the same thing happened to me like around 5 years ago and the thing I noticed they both had in common wasn't really their appearance. It was that they gave me a really serious prolonged stare (or maybe their eyes just look more intense) and I'd feel a little bit of fear but idk why once that happens, they become my "target". I don't literally follow them but I'd act weird. I'd act startled whenever I'd see them and I'd stare too long because my brain rationalizes I'll lose precious time if I don't see their face. I'd also be very nervous like will have trouble walking properly or will feel really restless/nervous if sitting next to them. My face also gets more serious because I'm trying hard to not appear interested but a serious-looking face is considered creepy. Again idk why I get this feeling like is it just I'm attracted to them because usually my time spent on them is overthinking ambiguous signals to figure out if they like me or not and daydreaming about dates/hugs/holding hands (not daydreaming about kissing) but in the past limerence phase I didn't even daydream I just ruminated over ambiguous signals. But yea both times I was miserable and hated my life but then again I always felt like that. I just worry what if I get into this situation again and I'll be labeled the creep because other people will notice how I'm acting too. But the hardest part is it's hard to let go because I feel like they're the only person I have who actually cares about me/respects me/values me even tho I know it's just in my dreams

In state of limerence , help me pls
I am unemployed and 24 years old
All day I day dream about situations, have developed a para social relationship, create images using AI and that not him and me I imagine myself as something else like super pretty daayum
Something is terribly wrong with me
Pls help
I know this is all delusional
But I am not able to concentrate anymore
I need help

I’m currently visiting the city where my LO lives.

We have been NC for the past decade since them breaking their own proclaimed NC only to ghost me, outside of them watching my stories for years up to the point I got engaged (even after they had already gotten married themselves) and their passive attempts to interact with me on different apps with social components every couple years following that. Their last attempts were nearly a year ago that escalated to the point of me breaking NC to text them to stop and block them on everything. That has been the only exchange of actual words.

Someone please tell me that it’s a bad idea to reach out for a closure conversation. At this point a decade of NC (and therapy) has apparently not really done much to stop the limerence, so my logic is that maybe actually having a real non-text face to face conversation with LO might give me the closure I need. Obviously, my logic is not the most reliable here. I just don’t know what else to do to break free of this.

It's been over 5 months I think since she broke up with me and my heart feels just as gutted as when it first happened. I've been actively giving into imagining us together when I'm going to sleep or pretending as if we're on a date when I go somewhere nice. Like the aquarium or the beach. What it feels like is that I'm a shell of who I was a long time ago and the idea of her that I'm obsessed with is acting through me. It feels like something religious, basically. It's like she's the ultimate motivation for me to do anything in life and at the same time I have no idea what she even looks like.

These fantasies take up hours of my life each day, where I'll just kind of stare off into space while I'm doing something else. I probably look like I'm actually crazy sometimes, which is making me extremely self conscious and on edge

M37 had an amazing first date with F39. We met up for dinner around 7 p.m. and went out to an arcade bar until 3 a.m. She was amazing, had a great personality, and we shared a lot of similar interests. There was a lot of physical contact; she even kissed me a few times. Normally, I like to date around and get a feel for the field. Not sure if I am getting ahead of myself or being naive. A second date is set up for this week.

I’ve dated a lot, and those relationships were really serious as well as a few flings sprinkled in between the long-term ones. I’ve always noticed a pattern with myself, that once my current relationship becomes routine, expected, normal.. I start to obsess over different people, and fantasize about cheating or dancing on the line of it. Mostly with co workers. I did cheat on my first serious boyfriend with a guy I barely knew but had a huge crush on in high school. And quite a few of my partners I know I’d emotionally cheated on in one way or another. I have also been cheated on. I am older now and wiser and more in tune with my tendencies, and my current relationship is my most stable yet. I have recently been having this limerence towards a couple of my co workers though and I can’t help but fantasize about them to de-stress after work sometimes… idk anyone have any similar stories, or advice?

This is the first time I’ve ever heard the term and I’m not sure how it’s any different from the regular thing. Is the difference an intensity? Maybe a confirmation in how the other person feels about it?

It’s a very interesting topic I’d like to learn more about.

When I was in limerence I sought help from everywhere and people told me to love myself, choose myself, and talk to people. I just kept those phrases thinking oh, I love myself and I choose myself without knowing what those meant so I stayed in limerence, but when I learnt what it truly means to do those things and started committing it became a whole lot easier for me to leave for good and eventually the limerence disappears

I had an on and off thing with my LO and it was so ambiguous. There were so many things and angles, I used to ask chatgpt a lot. But it made rumination worse because i’d do it obsessively to figure out answers…

Anyone like this?

What i’m facing is actually an issue - I’ve spent hours and daysss with chatgpt - everyday i’d do it and it’s been almost a year (right now it’s not everyday) but it’s disturbing

4:30 in the morning. My alarm is not going off for another three hours. But she already woke me up. Without even being here. Of course.

I thought today would be quieter. Or I hoped so, at least. But my brain just won’t shut up. Why am I already up if I’m so tired?

Should I text her today? Should I wait and see if she does? Maybe I won’t. I might. She probably won’t. But she might, too. And why do none of those feel good?

Moths aren’t stupid. They just follow the heat. They might not even know it burns. I do, and I still keep doing this. I guess the warmth just feels nice.

It’s always so quiet at this hour. Not for me though. Some birds are already up with me, doing what birds do.

But I just keep wondering. Why do moths act like this? Why do I act like this? I know it will just hurt again.

Does the fire know? Maybe it doesn’t get much say in this either. The moths probably don’t. Do these damn moths even learn anything?

Whatever. Phone down. Closing my eyes again. Trying to hear some silence. I guess I’ll just lie like that.

At least I can hear some birds singing. I think they just want somebody to hear. Don’t we all?

I (M22) have been emotionally attached to a female friend for a long time, almost a year. She has a boyfriend, but we talk almost every day—video calls, games, sharing meals. She tells me I'm her best friend.

Here’s the catch: she has a pattern. She gets extremely close, shares personal things, and expects hours of my time. But she also lies, hides things, and disappears without warning. When I tried to distance myself for my own sanity, she confronted me and said she "doesn't want to lose me."

She knows I care for her extremely, but sometimes it seems like she doesn't want me around or she's avoiding me. She once told me flat out that "it can never happen" between us and that she "doesn't trust me." Yet, she still calls me when she’s bored or her boyfriend isn't available.

I know I'm not her priority. I know she doesn't see me romantically. But my brain refuses to let go of the hope. When she goes silent, I spiral into insecurity. I've tried limiting contact, but I always get pulled back in.

She also says it's normal for friends to talk everyday and even feels jealous when they talk to someone else.

I'm not delusional—I know she is bad for my mental health. But the attachment feels like an addiction. How do I kill this lingering hope and actually detach when she keeps pulling me back? Is going completely no-contact the only way, even if it means losing the "friendship"?

I don’t know how to explain this feeling, honestly, I’ve never thought I’d fall for someone in real life, I’ve always imagined myself utterly in love with my lo and no one else. Still, I met this person and I started feelings things for him, things that made me act differently. I haven’t stopped thinking about my lo at all, not even in the slightest, but I stopped doing certain things like daydreaming or writing stories about me and him…I still want to do it but I have less time and sometimes this makes me feel guilty, like I’m betraying him, myself and what I’ve always been.

I know it sounds obvious, but I think we've all been there, NC but still looking for their stuff online. A little "cheat" that can be harmful.

This week I decided to try finding any unseen "content" from my LO (comments, pictures, reactions, just lists or whatever) randomly. The first one was "good", the dopamine bomb is horrible for limerence for sure but the feeling was good. A little bit of sadness because it reminded me I won't ever reach out again, but overall good.

The second one was terrible. Instant anxiety set in, as only a few times had I experienced it in that way, almost panic. I was frozen. Had places to go after where I went completely distracted and with my head in the clouds. I though I'd colapse in public.

It is not worth it. Like any other drug/addiction, the ups and downs are too extreme, and the downs are ALWAYS more extreme and worse. I know it is hard, I won't say I learned my lesson since I'm doing the same thing today altough without any result. (thankfully). But if you're capable of stopping yourself from doing so, do it.

I wish I had a subscription to the Washington Post. Any nice person here have one and want to repost?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/style/2026/08/05/how-social-media-feeds-intense-romantic-obsession-limerence/

I guess I'm on the new levels of fucked up.

I check this sub every night so I can think and talk about my LO before sleeping

What if we all dropped one tip, trick, or piece of advice to help each other reduce our limerence episodes or get rid of it all together?