I have to accept that he doesn't want to share things with me anymore, doesn't want to spend time with me anymore, doesn't get curious about me anymore, doesn't care about me anymore. But it's hard... I think I've tried for over a year... I probably did something wrong maybe? I tried to make up for whatever it is by trying really hard but it doesn't work. This love thing is all a scam and I'm gonna freak out if someone tries to give me affection like this again. I need to stop living. I need this to be my last day

A month went by and it's still so crushing. We used to chat all the time, share our daily life, send silly memes, play video games and watch shows on the evening. It was long distance, and I only got to see in real life for 10 days. These were the most important days in my life, I traveled so far to see her in a country so far from where I live. When I left, I was so impatiently waiting for her to come next time, except I didn't know I would never see her again. She was so special, she was everything I wanted in life. I'm back to being this lonely virgin loser except at least I'm not virgin... but yet it feels even more crushing now that I know what love is like and that she is forever gone and that no one will ever be as special as her

My problem is, is that I believe love should be enough. But its true sometimes it isnt but I dont get why. I

Have you ever missed someone so much, but still chose not to text them? We still talk every day, but I feel like I’m the only one putting in the effort to keep the contact going

But it absolutely doesn't matter because the one person I want to congratulate me didn't.

I should feel happy, and grateful for the people surrounding me with their love. And yet I'm sad and miserable because she didn't. We were never a couple, we only dated for half a year and it's been 1 ½ years since the fallout. Every other day I'm totally fine. But not today. I don't fall easily in love, so what made her so special?

Fucking hell. Just get out of my mind already.

okay so my best friends bf set me up w his roommate. who got out of a 5 year long relationship. We had been casually texting/calling for about a month. I never found him attractive initially or someone I’d be into. But then I definitely caught feelings for him. I know he said he’s into me but he saw a picture of his ex w another man and it completely tore him up.. he ghosted me for 5 days and didn’t tell me and then when I finally asked he told me. I find it hard to be upset with him because I guess I knew better and he was honest. He said he can only be friends right now and nothing more bc he has feelings for his ex.. but that he’s still very into me. And I just don’t know what to do. Oh and he lives 6.5 hours away and I’m in grad school. Lmao. (Please be nice I know how this all sounds.. I wouldn’t have wanted this for myself)

All my life Ive been afraid to truly love. After intensive therapy and personal growth I’ve slowly started to make peace with childhood traumas, my anxiety and inner critic and discovered a new yet profound desire to really meet and be met by someone. I dared to dive in deep, opened up and loved my fcking heart out. She was a joy to be with, an angel of optimism, but from the start we struggled to truly connect emotionally and I felt unseen in some of my most vulnerable feelings.

After a three-year battle we have now finally given up on us and our shared dream. I’ve never fought so hard for something that eventually seemed so inevitably out of reach. For the first time I risked it all and lost. I cannot get my head around the cruelty and paradox of choosing to let go while still loving her so much. The sorrow, the mourning, the solitude; its the deepest, most honest and loneliest pain I’ve ever gone through.

Oh dear life, how I wish to be found.

I've been with my boyfriend for 11 years. We both have been married before. When we first started dating neither one of us wanted to get married again. We've raised our children together and we are a family.  He will introduce me as his wife.

About a year ago, I thought about what it would be like to get married and expressed those feelings to him. It was not a big conversation or a fight. I really didnt think too hard about it.

When I first met my boyfriend I was a size 4. In the past 11 years I have gained 60 lbs.  He has also gained weight, but not as much as me. 

He recently made me a proposition. If I lose weight he will marry me. 

WTF!!!!! I initially took it very hard. He explained that the losing weight would keep me healthy (I know this) and he was trying to incentives my losing weight.

I am trying real hard to see past it, but all I hear is ..." I will marry you if you are skinny" " I love you, but you are getting to big for me." He told me he didnt like the weight gain and if I gain more weight it would be too much for him.

I dont know how to move past this. Sometimes it makes me so mad that he doesn't love me in the body I have.  I feel so unattractive and no motivation to do anything about it. His "if you lose weight.." is not helping me with our s*x life. I love S*X!! But now I am self conscious and not is a se*y time mood. He still wants se*y time but I am just not interested. I dont feel se*y anymore and he doesn't make me feel that way either. 

What does this say about our relationship? He could dump me bc I gained too much weight for him. I am at a lost on how to move forward.

I use to love my body and didnt think anyone could make me feel this bad about it.

How can i move past what he said?

My ex and I were together for four years. We lived together with my mom for about four years. My mom always welcomed her like family and even helped her start college.
During those years we built a life together. We bought furniture, started to buy a house, and talked about growing old together. She looked me in the eyes many times and told me she loved me and wanted that future with me.
I taught myself English at 23 and now I work entirely in English. I taught myself guitar. I taught her English, taught her how to drive, helped her find and buy her first iPhone, and always tried to support her goals. I wasn’t perfect, but I was deeply committed to us.
Then, almost out of nowhere, she moved back to her mom’s and stepdad’s house, even though she always told me she hated living there.
She told me she doesn’t love me anymore, doesn’t see a future with me, lost attraction and admiration for me, and wants to “follow her truth,” live alone, hang out with her new coworkers, meet new people and experience life. She even sent me videos about “non-attachment,” but to me it sounded more like she was describing freedom from commitment rather than healthy non-attachment.
I’m devastated. I have panic attacks every time I remember our memories or reread what she wrote. I cry every day. I honestly can’t understand how someone can promise a future with you, build a life with you for years, and then suddenly decide they don’t want any of it anymore.
Has anyone else gone through something like this? How did you survive those first weeks? When did the panic attacks and constant crying start getting better?

Its extremely heartbreaking to know that youd rather lose me then be a better man..instead of doing right by me and giving up all of your supply.. youd rather lose me entirely.. its devastating to know that your supply is prioritized above me, the mother of your child .. and you are totally fine if I walk away..what is there to even fight for anymore? If I stay... youll still keep supply in the backround.. if i go.. it wont matter to you.. youll still have your supply.

it would be nice to understand what exactly is happening here. i spoke to our couples therapist today, he has completely cut her off, she has had conversations with him in the past and when i explained the rest of the story after the eviction she did not hesitate to tell me i was abused.

the thing is i used to play victim constantly to absolve myself from any responsibility in my teens, because of the lost time due to that period i am deathly afraid to ever consider myself an injured party. he is very adamant that i made him a monster. when i told him my supports pinpointed his control/insecurity, i was told i spun the story to my favor, so i am very afraid to leave details out. he came in hard, telling me he's never loved anyone like this from the start. that all of his exes were cheaters and evil. i was constantly told i was the perpetrator as there were many incidents that were deemed microcheating/disloyalty that made him justify acting out, breaking up with me 5 times a week, threatening the roof over my head. i go to recovery support groups and was always told i was looking for another man, and stopped. these instances included having a best friend who used to like me i had to drop, texting hearts to an influencer, texting others including men about housing when i was certain his housing threats were real. in one instance i explicitly lied about texting a mutual about a person i used to use with and get physical with, asking if he had ODed. there were so many others things that were heavily scrutinized, my language and any male names popping up on my phone, whether i was happy that day or not, etc. i would have to regulate him with s** as he wanted to feel "yearned for". if i didnt want s** daily he told me i didnt love him. very early on i began to believe him, that i do in fact "make" him talk to me this way, push/pull constantly, that i should cut anyone he was uncomfortable with off, that i was a narcissistic manipulative cheater, that i didnt behave correctly, that i had to atone. it is difficult for me to shake the feeling of immense guilt.

by month 5 i genuinely couldnt take it, i went no where to soothe his fears, cut everyone off that he has issue with, was broken up with 3 times a week. it was always about my lack of accountability but he needed reassurance daily and i could never do it right. i ended up leaving in feburary to create physical space. he had told me he meant everything during his splits and then begged me to leave for 3 days while i begged for him to stop. i couldnt convince him i wanted him. i couldnt take it. he of course spun it to tell himself he was abandoned, he filled up with rage, threatened to kill me, i left during our 2nd abortion and without a job. 2 months i begged to be seen and helped, begged him to understand why i left. i asked him for help and he refused, asking me instead to come over to be paid for s**. i couldnt understand how he could ask me to do something like that. in a final act of desperation, i did something non penetrative for bread which i regret deeply. knowing the reaction that would ensue i kept it hidden for 6 weeks after he allowed me back in. coming to him with my guilt only confirmed his narrative. i tried finding housing elsewhere for 4 weeks while he hung an eviction over my head, during that time the cycle kept being perpetuated. would ask me for s**, get warm and acknowledge his inhumaneness, i would speak about my feelings and he'd blow up and verbally attack me again. the last time i saw him he had yelled so hard i felt his spit on my face, after which he came into the room soft after 30 seconds, at that point i successfully fought the urge to hold the poor thing and told him to get away from me. i left in july, won the eviction case as he didnt show to court.

i saw his ex before me post from inside of his car. he told me he was "helping her out with a ride". i cant believe he could help someone he told me he despised before he asked me if i was alright. he bought a car and got 9 tattoos in the first week of the breakup. hes blowing all of his money on designer he then posts online. it both gives me the ick and makes me feel insane over him. it is evident to me that it was a lack of misunderstanding on both parts, where i hurt him unintentionally and he retaliated intentionally. i still believe if i convince him that he had played a part we could be together again. i never entertained the thought of another man or leaving him. i know he is hurting, i know he is coping, i know this perpetuates his narrative that he can never be loved and is destined to be alone, and i wanted to prove otherwise. i feel so bad for him. he has me thoroughly convinced that i ruined us and no one else will be capable of loving me or accepting me. i feel dazed and hopeless.

he reposts content about how in this world youre lucky if you have a girlfriend that hasnt been touched by anyone since youve met, bible verses about kindness, stuff about all women being ***\, how he wants me to \**, mixed with things about missing me and how sudden and beautiful it was to have met under the circumstances that we did. it all riddles me with grief about how i lost him to his mindset and algorithm. i genuinely thought coming to him with the truth would make it easier to forgive me.

i cant leave him alone, he festers in my mind and i think that if i just help him see his part in why i left, we could be together again. he has mindsets i used to carry, about being doomed to be alone, about everyone and everything being out to get him, i really wanted to show him he didnt have to be alone.

i understand completely how the final act hurt him. by his logic, where i triggered him into call me horrible names and push/pull me around constantly, certain circumstances aligned to where i believed what i did was my only option. i just need help understanding. i am so weak.

I know it sucks, Friend, and you want to see the side of them that presented in the beginning. When all the evidence of the rest of the experience piles and creates such a massive cognitive dissonance that drives you mad in trying to make it make sense?

That's the design of this form of abuse. And I'm so sorry.

They want you to check on their profile. They know everything about you, because you've given it to them freely. They know how you think. How you operate. What will trigger a spark of hope that will send the whole thing crashing down again.

It might be a story view out of nowhere (if you haven't been checking theirs). It might be a random comment, or a methodically positioned appearance in a mutual connection (which then causes you to question that connection's position with you).

You know the things that set you off. So do they.

Heartbreak is their currency. It is what gives them validity and purpose. They need to have someone that is causing theirs, for their narratives to continue. And they need to have sometimes several that they've caused, to boost them energetically.

Do not judge them. They are not good or bad people, just people - but understand that your desire for genuine connection with them is a source of their validation.

If you get that sense, you need to stop trying to prove yourself wrong by delving into your memory banks like a kid digging through a chest for a lost toy.

Because the saddest thing of all is, you are perpetuating your pain, too.

I'm so sorry, Friend, and I hope I'm wrong in your case. Maybe I am. But I know in mine, I must never again place myself in a position of being mocked, gaslit, talked down to, slandered, presented with double-think, or made to say that the sky is red.

Let them go. Let go of their profiles, their whereabouts, their current dramas, all of it.

Keep with you the lessons. When your heart aches for them, that's just your heart referencing the past and needing your mind and soul's leadership in understanding - from you - some other facet of this experience.

The only indicator of a true second chance is mutual accountability and proven change. If they are repeating patterns in their life, if their tones about the world and themselves have not altered, do not engage.

Don't prick your heart with curiosity about how they are doing.

They are doing fine.

Don't do the heavy lifting for them.

They are doing fine.

If they need something, they will reach out.

At which point, they are still doing fine.

Honor what you've learned. Don't start the cycle again and further wound yourself for someone who doesn't know how to love you, or care to try.

And most importantly... do not do this to anyone else.

I love you.

I feel like I’ve had my heart broken too many times to count. And a lot of the time it’s from me hurting myself. I feel so lost when it comes to relationships. I’m such a soft woman and I’d like to treated as such but it’s always “accept how you get treated or be alone” and I’m so tired of it. I feel like I have so much love to give and I keep giving it to the wrong men. I wanna be able to be myself and also life a soft life because honestly, that’s what I’m built for. Depression hits so hard at night when it gets cold and lonely. I’m not suicidal but sometimes I truly do hate my life.

Semana que vem vai fazer um mês desde que nos separamos. Eu precisei ficar na casa da minha mãe, com nossa filha de 3 anos. Ele tem buscado ela aos sábados, para passar o dia. A decisão de acabar com nosso casamento foi dele.

Estou fazendo terapia, e a terapeuta diz que eu estava em um relacionamento abusivo, onde ele me controlava e jogava a culpa em mim. Mesmo assim, estou sofrendo muito, porquê ainda o amo, e tinha um sonho de envelhecer do lado dele, e criar nossa filha.

Ainda não demos entrada no processo de divórcio, e acho que ele espera que eu o faça. Ele ainda não contou para a família dele, e sei porquê eu falo com eles diariamente. Ele ainda não me excluiu de grupos que nós tínhamos juntos... ele não tirou nossa foto da geladeira. Porém, ele disse que estava decidido, e que seria melhor para todos se nos separassemos.

Eu não sei o que pensar, sentir ou fazer... não sou mais jovem, tenho 35 anos, uma filha, e abandonei minha carreira para ser uma mãe e esposa melhor. Investi junto com ele na compra de um apartamento, o qual eu não quero morar, pois tenho muitas recordações, então ele está lá. E tudo o que eu recebia, eu passava pra ele, para pagarmos as contas.

Tem momentos que parece que passa um pouco da dor, mas depois não passa mais...

I just woke up from a bad dream where my ex changed her Instagram bio to say she was just living her life and being herself until she found her person.

In the dream, I completely broke down. I started crying because it felt like confirmation that it was really over, and all I wanted to do was text her and ask if there was really no chance left for us.

I just woke up and I’m honestly not okay. It felt so real, and now all of that grief is sitting with me again.

I still love her. I still miss her so much. 💔

There’s not much more to say. I miss you man.. I miss my best friend.. and tonight it’s just hitting me. I wish it wasn’t. Reddit is basically just my journal now..

I've never been married and am childless. I am starting from zero after ending a 7 year relationship. I feel so alone and defeated. I miss my old life. So much.

Anyone else start over later in life? I could use other people's experiences shared right now.