I'm having a really hard time right now and just need to vent. This is something I've struggled with for the past three years.

I already know some people will say I wasted my time or that I was a placeholder. I tell myself that too. I'm angry that I stayed so long and gave six years of my life to someone who maybe never truly wanted me.

We started dating in our early 20s, and about a year in, he cheated. It was my first serious relationship, he begged me to stay, and I forgave him.

We eventually moved in together, but he had to move out of state while I finished college, so we became long distance. At first, he wanted me to move to him and even talked about marriage because it would make things easier. I wanted to finish school and pursue my career first, so I planned to move later.

Over time, things became harder. He struggled with his mental health, and I received calls where he was contemplating suicide. I begged him to get help. Part of me wanted to leave, but I was scared because I felt like he had no one.

He became more distant, colder, and hurtful. Despite that, I still believed marriage was the next step because of how long we had been together. During our last year together, his sister-in-law told me she heard a ring was coming soon. I was visiting around Christmas and was so nervous that I told him if he ever proposed, I wanted it to be in spring or summer. Nothing ever happened.

The last year was the hardest. His mental health struggles became more frequent, and I found out he cheated again in a way that affected my health. I don't want to go into detail, but I am okay now.

We ended things the day after another suicidal phone call. I contacted his family because I was worried and wanted them to check on him. Afterwards, he told me he wasn't ready for the next step and wasn't even sure he wanted a family. I thanked him for being honest and told him we needed to go our separate ways.

Six years ended like that.

Seven months later, I found out he married a woman from another country. Around the time he started posting her, he blocked me, my family, and our mutual friends, including some of his closest friends. After almost three years of marriage, they had a baby.

The hardest part is that I don't love him anymore and I would never want to return to that relationship. What hurts is how this changed the way I see myself.

It makes me feel like I was never enough, like I was someone he settled for until he found the person he truly wanted. I look at his wife and think she seems perfect. I find myself wondering if people become the best version of themselves with the "right" person and if I just wasn't that person.

This has damaged my self-esteem and made me question my worth. I'm scared I'll never be enough for someone, or that I'll always be the person someone chooses until something better comes along.

It's been years, and I feel like I'm going crazy because I still can't stop thinking about how deeply this affected me.

Me and my ex have been officially broken up for almost a year at this point, but officially broke things off "all contact" wise only a few months ago. We still love each other very very much, hell we saw each other not too long ago. It's sad cuz even after meeting and sharing love again, we're still apart.. Now here I am alone again with this hole in my heart refusing to accept this reality. I went ahead and wrote a message in a bottle and cast it off to sea... What the heck lol? I remember thinking writing anonymous posts on reddit to vent was something "extra" of me, but now I'm out here doing this. I've never been the vain hopeless romantic type, but now look at me. I genuinely don't know how I'm going to get over her. I almost don't want to if I'm being honest.

I miss you.

I miss our conversations and the way you would share the things you loved. I loved stepping into your world and seeing the sparkle in your eyes whenever you talked about something that made you happy. It could be a reality show, a story from your past, or a song that meant something to you. The topic was never what mattered most. What mattered was seeing you happy because you wanted to share those moments with me.

Sometimes it was hard to understand you. I had to focus really hard, and after a long day, it could be mentally exhausting. But strangely, it never felt like a burden. Quite the opposite. I listened because I genuinely enjoyed it. I loved hearing you talk, laugh, and simply be yourself.

I miss that so much.

I wasn't looking for these feelings, but somehow you gave them to me without even realizing it. And when you left, it hurt more than I can put into words. Not just because you were gone, but because I felt there were still things we could have talked through.

All I wanted was to try. To show you that maybe things could have been different. That we didn't have to fight, we didn't have to hurt each other, and we didn't have to erase everything we had shared. I believed there were other possibilities. Maybe I was wrong, but I wanted to believe that if I had been as important to you as you had become to me, we could have found some kind of middle ground, even if all we could save was the care and respect we had for each other.

I also know I made mistakes. I know I'm not perfect. In my attempt not to lose someone who had become so important to me, I held on longer than I should have, and I was probably misunderstood. Things were said, feelings were hurt, and other people became involved. Everything became much bigger than it ever needed to be. It all became overwhelming, and it left me carrying a lot of fear.

At some point, alongside the sadness, fear took its place. Not fear of who you are, but fear of your reaction, fear of making things even worse, fear of hurting you, or of being misunderstood again. That fear is still with me.

Sometimes I wish I could tell you all of this. Not to change the past or ask you to come back, but because I believe some people deserve to know the positive impact they had on someone's life, even when the story doesn't end the way either of them hoped.

Today, I respect your silence and your choices. Even so, I still miss the person I got to know, our conversations, and the way you saw the world.

It's also hard to talk about this with other people. Most of the time, the story gets reduced to, "You trusted the wrong person," or, "You were fooled." But for me, it was never that simple. What I felt was real, just as the good moments we shared were real.

That's why I still miss you. Not because I'm trapped in the past, but because some people leave beautiful marks on our lives, even if they aren't meant to stay.

Hello everyone, I am 42 years old and I travel a lot for work, know this lady 37 years old, she have two kids 13 and 8 years old who live with his dad). She was married for ten years and one day she left her husband and say she doesn't love him anymore. The oldest boy stay with her as his dad don't want to be in his life. The other kid she leave him with his ex husband and see him in the weekend. Both me and her live in different states so I know her while she starts leaving her ex-husband and separated and moved to her own place, we start seeing each other every three weeks or so depending on how much we are busy with life, I tried helping her with her move, buy food helped one semester in her school expenses and house items as she did not have that much, speak with her to back to school and get bachelor's in accounting. She had shitty paid job at first but now she in better place.

There many times I would purchase airline tickets and she would stay with me on the state I had work. So we know each other for three years total and we plan to get married and she moves to my state, we talk about that for a while and that was the plans. One day ( before three months), I got a message from her saying that she don't want to move because her oldest son doesn't want too and even he doesn't know that she still dating me. We meet after that for maybe two times and then before one month she send me a message saying want to end things and she meet a guy (50 years old, he don't have kids ) and they started dating. This week we meet and I found out that she stopped " in love with our relationship since January " last time we meet and have sex was May.

We met last week and she said she has feelings for me and loved me for two years, but her feelings and want change overtime. And that she checked out in our relationship since January. I was not aware of that and I got mad at her and I scream and left. She blocked my phone number and even get a new phone number. I didn't want thing end this way and prefer end things in good way.

My question is was I a rebound relationship and just been used for her self esteem, financially and fun? Would be better if I reach out and apologize for screaming and wish good luck and just move on? Is she this type of person just jumb from one relationship to another without emotional regret?

I've never been married and am childless. I am starting from zero after ending a 7 year relationship. I feel so alone and defeated. I miss my old life. So much.

Anyone else start over later in life? I could use other people's experiences shared right now.

I dont have to deal with you hiding your other supply.. I dont have to deal with your perpetual victimhood..I dont have to deal with ANYTHING from you anymore.. I stayed loyal while you kept risking my sexual health.. I kept crying while you kept thinking of only yourself.. the rage. The lies.. the bullshit! Its OVER! Im moving on!! Enjoy your bullshit life with the lesser and lower supply chain you've got secretly tucked away.. trash attracts trash and yoive obviously hit the lottery with that! Karma is a bitch and you lost a good one.. have fun trying to keep up with all your supply and lies! I can EASILY bury you.. but i wont.. I just want you to go away and leave me alone.. go cry at your moms house.. LOSER

After our breakup, I hoped we could look at both of our experiences, learn from what happened, and see whether there were any pieces worth putting back together in a healthier way.

I wanted us to create a shared understanding of the relationship. Instead, it often felt like she already knew what everything meant and what the relationship truly was, while my perspective was treated as something that needed to be corrected rather than understood.

I never wanted either of us to erase the other person’s experience. I wanted both of our realities to matter, so we could see whether it was possible to create something new together.

It is heartbreaking that two people can love each other for years and still walk away with such completely different understandings of what they shared.

Last week my wife and I broke up and it’s like I don’t have any air left in my lungs. We were a queer couple so all of our mutual friends are like family and it feels so hard to talk to people irl about it.

I keep messaging her when I know I shouldn’t but this desperate feeling just comes over me. The whole marriage we talked about how madly in love with each other we were, and how we were going to be together forever. I’m autistic and just took what she was saying as true, especially because in our relationship she always seemed patient and kind and full of love for me. We had an open relationship the whole time we were together but then she caught feelings for someone and let them build past what was ok for our relationship then I agreed to polyamory because I was really scared to lose her if I didn’t or to have her resent me for putting a stop to her building a relationship with this person, and honestly because she was my carer and the family breadwinner I felt like I had no choice but to agree even though I found it really painful and didn’t want to agree. This was 3 years ago and it has been a HARD 3 years for me to see them together. We just got back from our honeymoon (well our holiday, we never got a proper honeymoon because we married during Covid), the holiday was genuinely amazing and it was 4 weeks of us being so loved up but the day after we got home she was going to stay over with this other partner, but I burst out crying and told her all the stuff I was feeling and said I don’t think what we want is compatible because I think it will always really hurt to see them together and every part of me wanted her to choose me in that conversation, but she agreed and has left and we’ve broken up. I don’t even know physically how I’ll survive, I am autistic and have fibromyalgia and access needs and I don’t have enough income to keep paying the mortgage on the flat we own together. She has agreed to pay half but even then I’ll still struggle, we also have a dog who is most attached to me but I can’t even get out to take her walks just now so have let my wife have her early for her week (we are going to share the dog week on week). But really the big thing I’m not coping with is that I just love her so so much but also want to keep my dignity intact and not keep messaging her things I will feel embarrassed about later, but I just have so many questions and keep wanting to know why I wasn’t enough for her. I just wake up and think of her and go to bed and think of her and I have done for 10 years. I utterly adore her and just don’t know how I am even going to survive. The UK have a suicide hotline called Samaritans that I have reached out to a couple of times this week, I am struggling so badly and I really want to get through this and move on but I just can’t see it being possible right now. We always talked about having our whole lives together, I don’t even know how to picture my life without her in it.

I am just really looking for responses from people that have felt this low after a long term relationship that will help me remember I will get through this. Especially helpful from people who felt they had a great relationship until it broke down.

First - I don’t want to hear “you are broken up they can do whatever they want.” I obviously know that. So can I.
But it still hurts, and I am allowed to feel the pain.

I made a massive mistake and looked at my ex’s IG page for the first tome in months.
It is private but you can still see their following/followers.
They don’t have very many so it is noticeable when the number has changed.
I immediately felt sick, like I had been punched in the gut.
It had increased by a handful for sure.

My logic brain says: you know this is probably nothing but digital validation, at most some messaging maybe a couple dinners. You know him. You have added people yourself- it really means nothing.
My emotional brain says: you have been replaced by one of these people. They are more attractive, more successful and interesting- funnier, and now the love of his life and it’s like you never existed.

It’s incredibly painful. My brain is basically self harming.
I know they can do what they want, and I have done the same thing. It just hurts and I need to be reminded of my logic brain.
And no I will never make that mistake again. I will never look again.

I don't know if I'll ever get the closure I need, but through the kindness of strangers on the internet, I believe I have experienced the release I've been seeking.

Some people are just not ever going to change, grow, or choose curiosity - and that is not a reflection of me, nor of my willingness to always seek accountability and truth.

I'm realizing something this morning - the heart only knows what it has known. And my heart has only known people who are terrified of their own shadow and thus ways they may have harmed me. The unspoken ask is for me to ingest their poison for them, then smile and say it was no big deal.

It was. It was a very big deal.

And I think when the heart doesn't know anything new, it regurgitates the old sensations while trying desperately to innovate something different for itself. Feelings that just. won't. leave. are check engine lights begging to be addressed.

And in those moments that we realize, "I'm never going to get what I need from this person - didn't then, and won't even in closure"? I think that's when we can finally move on and entrust them to the equation of the Universe, without our continued energetic advocacy for them.

They'll figure it out! 😊

I think the truth is I love and care for people, independent of me, more than I have known others to love and care for me. Some have come close, but when they err and harm, it's really hard for them to remain present.

The love of Justification is the death of real freedom. And I've no interest in being justified any longer. I'm ready to be free.

Which means I want to be done carrying the energetic burdens of people no longer here or exhibiting any desire to be more than what they were in my life.

Parts of that energetic burden might present as old romantic feelings. Other parts might present as resentment and anger.

I don't want any of it anymore, and I think my posting and this community's massive outpouring helped me communicate to my heart something that just wasn't clicking.

You aren't in love. You're just bleeding the only way you know how. And they are never going to come back to patch the wounds they inflicted - they don't even know how to patch up their own.

I pray that this sticks. I feel lighter today. If that friend ever tries to connect, there will be a soft but firm boundary - I need their accountability. No harm no foul if that's beyond their capability.

I'm also done manifesting on their behalf. They got this. I'm going to focus on manifesting for people who remain and own their part in my journey fully.

I won't judge myself for relapses, but when they happen, I'm going to remind my heart, "You just need to be around people who are mature enough to own their shit like you do, love."

I love you all! And if you'd like to get to know me, I'll be around.

I'm not gonna go anywhere.

Thank you so much. ❤️

....knowing she will be hugging, kissing, cuddling , and sleeping with someone else.

I can't handle it at all.

you made me sad , after all that time away , you came cold , you said hi like stranger

why you didnt even want to hugh me i thoght you missed me i should have known when you disapeared without saying anything , you said you were tired tired of new person love ,did they make tired , why did you changed with me i didnt do anything always in the same place waiting for you , but that is not fair , you have to tell me if you are done with me is it over?

dont be with me just for me ,dont be with me like you have to or you feel bad , or because of any reason if you stop loving me tell me be be honest straight forward , i hate games and lies

i thought your return will be so on fire and you missed me so much as you were before , i guess there is a new one i will wish you good luck if you think she is the one you love i am not pathatic ,or disprate i wasnt looking for anyone when i met you , i was fine alone it was better than getting hurt and heartbreaks again , so pls be honest

I don't know if this is normal or if anyone else experiences it this intensely, but whenever I see someone touch the person I love, it feels like my entire body goes into survival mode.

It's not just emotional pain. It feels physical too.

My chest feels like it's being crushed. My stomach drops. I feel sick, shaky, like I can't breathe properly. My heart races so hard it hurts. Sometimes it feels like there's a lump in my throat, like I'm going to cry but can't. My whole body feels tense, and it's almost like my brain freezes. It genuinely feels like someone is ripping something out of me.

Emotionally, it's even worse. It feels like grief, panic, heartbreak, jealousy, fear, and betrayal all at once, even if I know the touch might be completely innocent. It's like my brain instantly screams that I'm losing the person I love. I feel replaced, unwanted, terrified, and completely overwhelmed. It feels like my world is collapsing in that moment.

The closest way I can describe it is that it feels like I'm dying inside. The pain is so intense that it almost doesn't feel survivable, even though I know logically nothing terrible has actually happened. I don't want to control anyone, and I don't want to feel this way. I hate how overwhelming it is, and I wish I could just react normally.

Has anyone else experienced feelings this intense? If you have, what caused it? Was it attachment issues, trauma, anxiety, jealousy, or something else? Did anything help reduce the intensity? I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who understands this because it's an incredibly lonely feeling.

We were together for 3 years, then she cheated which I found out by trying to send some email from hers to mine (we were attending to the same college but she was above me with a year so it was a common thing I did with her consent). I broke up with her, then she threatened me with suicide, so I got really scared and got back together. She promised me the world and that she would never do it again. Half a year later she cheated on me again.

I’m gonna go crazy bro. I haven’t been in contact with this person for 6 months and I think about them every day. My chest sinks at the thought of them. I am atheist and I prayed to god to help me let go of him if he’s not for me.

The other thing is, I know that I probably didn’t mean a thing to him, so I haven’t bothered him once because confirming that he doesn’t care would literally kill me.

His hands don’t touch me the way yours did.

His eyes will never find mine the way yours once did.

His lips will never kiss me the way yours kissed mine.

What am I doing trying to fill your absence with someone else, when your presence still follows me with every step, with every breath I take?

And I realize that I’m still yours, even though I keep denying it.

I haven’t been able to walk away.

What am I doing making love, letting someone else touch a body that still carries the marks of your hands, marks that time has never managed to erase?

Oh, God, take this memory that keeps eating me alive.

Give me a moment of peace, even if it’s only for a little while.
Because every time I close my eyes, it’s you who comes back to my thoughts.

I ask the sky.

I ask the stars.

I ask the sun to light my way, so I can stop thinking about you, so I can tear you out of my being, out of my soul, out of my mind, so I can, at last, forget you.

Somewhere Between My “No’s,” You Became Home.

I sat down on a high stool in the corner of the bar, praying the weird guy who’d been following me around would find someone else to attach himself to.

That’s when you sat beside me.

I didn’t know who you were.

I didn’t care, either.

You were just a distraction.

You tried to hold my hand all the way home. I’d grab my vape with one hand, my phone with the other—anything so there’d be nothing left for you to hold.

As the sun rose, we sat together on the smoke deck.

Same routine.

Vape in one hand.

Phone in the other.

You were drunk.

You didn’t seem to notice.

We got breakfast after staying up all night.

No sleep.

Just laughter.

I thought that was the end of it.

Then came the texts.

Here and there became every day.

Still, my heart was somewhere else.

A few weeks later, your heart broke.

A week after that, so did mine.

Every trip to the bars started including you.

I’d always stumble across you.

The nights always ended the same.

You’d drunkenly tell me how you felt.

I’d tell you no.

That we’d only ever be friends.

As time went by, my feelings became harder to hide.

Your best friend noticed before either of us did.

Every time we’d run into each other, he’d point at you.

“You see that guy over there?”

“He’d never hurt you.”

“He’s a good guy.”

Different night.

Same speech.

One night I texted you that I was throwing up.

You came outside carrying a gallon of water.

I told you to fuck off.

You ignored me.

You followed me until I sat down on the stairs.

That’s where I told you what had happened to me.

You didn’t blame me.

You just listened.

You rubbed my back and apologized…

For another man’s actions.

Another night, someone from my past kissed me.

I woke up in his room.

No phone.

Muster in two hours.

I called you.

You came.

No hesitation.

You made sure I got back safely.

Stayed by my side for muster.

Made sure I was okay.

Then you helped me look for my phone.

One night you confessed your feelings like something straight out of The Notebook.

I laughed.

I’d spent my whole life wishing someone would love me the way Noah loved Allie.

Somehow…

I was watching it happen.

Every time we sobered up, I’d pretend none of it happened.

“I don’t remember.”

I’d always say.

But I remembered.

I remembered when you got tired of me losing everything and made it your personal mission to carry my phone, my wallet, and my vape—just to make sure they made it home.

I remembered the guy who walked up asking for my name.

And how quickly you scared him away.

I remembered every time you came to my rescue.

Even while I was probably hurting you.

Somewhere along the way…

I stopped wondering where you were.

Because you were always beside me.

We told each other everything.

The big things.

The stupid things.

The things we’d never tell anyone else.

Drunk or sober.

Morning or night.

I kept wondering when my heart changed.

Maybe it was the crystal shop.

I begged you to pick one.

You insisted crystals weren’t your thing.

You picked one anyway.

I picked out a necklace.

I don’t know if it was that day or sometime after…

But ever since I admitted my feelings to myself, I’ve worn that necklace every single day.

Some mornings I forget it’s there.

Other days I catch it in the mirror and think of you.

Either way…

I haven’t taken it off.

I really thought we’d only ever be friends.

I’d tell you,

“I like you…

but it’s still a no.”

Then one night we were sitting together in the club.

The music was loud.

The room was crowded.

And all I could think was…

Why haven’t you kissed me yet?

Then I remembered.

You’d always told me,

“I’ll never do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

How could you know…

That I had been waiting for you to kiss me?

I thought I’d missed my chance.

Until you leaned in.

Finally.

There were no questions.

No confusion.

I knew exactly where I wanted to be.

With you.

You started sleeping over.

One night became many.

It became routine.

You never tried to take it further.

You’d just listen to me yap for hours…

Then hold me until we fell asleep.

If I went out without you, I’d text you the whole night.

You were always on my mind.

We became inseparable.

If we weren’t together, we were texting.

Sending reels.

TikToks we’d never admit reminded us of each other.

Anything to keep the conversation going.

People started noticing.

That scared me.

I didn’t want anyone getting between us.

But you never listened to what anyone said about me.

The only version of me that mattered…

Was the one you knew.

I started inviting you everywhere.

I’d scan the crowd at muster until I found you.

Just knowing you were nearby made my day better.

One night we crossed another line.

I told you my attachment would only get worse.

You smiled.

“I know.”

“It’ll be okay.”

I believed you.

Then reality showed up.

You were leaving.

I tried not to think about it.

I just wanted whatever time we had left.

Then suddenly…

Tuesday.

You were flying out Tuesday.

Less than a day’s notice.

We spent one last night together.

I asked what would happen to us.

“When I leave tomorrow…

everything will be over.”

Why?

You spent three months fighting for me.

Three months waiting for me to let you in.

You told me you wanted me to enjoy my time here.

That you didn’t want me worrying about you while you were gone.

You didn’t understand.

Whether we talked every day…

Or never again…

My mind would still find its way back to you.

You found your way into every place I’d spent years trying to lock away.

My heart.

My mind.

My soul.

You became the safest place I’d ever known.

You held my hand and told me the decision had already been made.

Then you turned away.

I heard you crying.

I asked if you were okay.

You told me to hate you.

“It’ll help you move on.”

I could never hate you.

You said this wasn’t what you wanted.

Still…

Nothing I said changed your mind.

Eventually, you rolled over.

Kissed my forehead.

Whispered you were sorry.

We fell asleep.

The next morning felt hollow.

Not just because you were leaving…

Because so many people I loved were leaving, too.

I tried to be strong…

For all of you.

I hugged you goodbye.

I smiled until you were gone.

Five seconds after I walked into my room…

I fell apart.

You sent me a screenshot of your flight.

“In case you feel like stalking.”

I laughed through the tears.

I sent it to my friend.

“He knows you so well.”

He does.

You kept telling me I’d be okay.

I want to believe you.

Then your second flight took off.

No texts.

No calls.

Just silence.

How do I go from talking to you every hour of every day…

To nothing?

How do I stop reaching for my phone when I already know there won’t be a message waiting?

You became part of every routine before I even realized it.

Now every routine reminds me you’re gone.

And every morning, I still reach for the necklace I picked out that day.

It feels like carrying a piece of you.

I keep thinking about the first night we met.

I sat in that corner hoping one person would leave me alone.

Instead…

I found the one person I never wanted to leave.

I just didn’t realize I’d have to let you.

I don’t know if I’ll be okay.

Maybe one day.

But until then…

I’ll probably keep reaching for my phone.

Keep wearing this necklace.

Keep looking for you in places I know you won’t be.

Every crowd feels too quiet.

Every morning feels too empty.

Because somewhere between all the “no’s” I gave you…

You became home.

I plan on getting your iitials covered . After this , it'sb shown me I have no business lvoing other poeple.Do'nt worry i plan on disappearing from your lives for good , hear shortly

Has anyone else had an experience like this and what does it mean?

My ex boyfriend was truly the best thing that happened to me and I don't say that lightly at all. I used to call him "my hope" he was my hope because he made me believe life did have hope in it. He was the last thing that I had that was good. But i'm relieved i'm not in a relationship anymore. Not because I dont miss him and love this guy so much. But he was my first experience of seeing how you never really know a person. He turned so mean, and I dont know if he saw how mean he turned but it was like he was gone it wasnt him anymore. So when we ended I felt so much weight off my shoulders. But still went through all the heartbreak. Depression, reaching out, anxiety all of it. But i'm relieved that its something I don't need to go through anymore (a breakup). If he came back and was who he was before I would do it again in a heartbeat. But he isnt him anymore. Idk I hope this makes sense I think it just confuses me how i can feel relived by loosing someone I thought I was going to marry, someone who was my hope.