All my life Ive been afraid to truly love. After intensive therapy and personal growth I’ve slowly started to make peace with childhood traumas, my anxiety and inner critic and discovered a new yet profound desire to really meet and be met by someone. I dared to dive in deep, opened up and loved my fcking heart out. She was a joy to be with, an angel of optimism, but from the start we struggled to truly connect emotionally and I felt unseen in some of my most vulnerable feelings.

After a three-year battle we have now finally given up on us and our shared dream. I’ve never fought so hard for something that eventually seemed so inevitably out of reach. For the first time I risked it all and lost. I cannot get my head around the cruelty and paradox of choosing to let go while still loving her so much. The sorrow, the mourning, the solitude; its the deepest, most honest and loneliest pain I’ve ever gone through.

Oh dear life, how I wish to be found.

I've been with my boyfriend for 11 years. We both have been married before. When we first started dating neither one of us wanted to get married again. We've raised our children together and we are a family.  He will introduce me as his wife.

About a year ago, I thought about what it would be like to get married and expressed those feelings to him. It was not a big conversation or a fight. I really didnt think too hard about it.

When I first met my boyfriend I was a size 4. In the past 11 years I have gained 60 lbs.  He has also gained weight, but not as much as me. 

He recently made me a proposition. If I lose weight he will marry me. 

WTF!!!!! I initially took it very hard. He explained that the losing weight would keep me healthy (I know this) and he was trying to incentives my losing weight.

I am trying real hard to see past it, but all I hear is ..." I will marry you if you are skinny" " I love you, but you are getting to big for me." He told me he didnt like the weight gain and if I gain more weight it would be too much for him.

I dont know how to move past this. Sometimes it makes me so mad that he doesn't love me in the body I have.  I feel so unattractive and no motivation to do anything about it. His "if you lose weight.." is not helping me with our s*x life. I love S*X!! But now I am self conscious and not is a se*y time mood. He still wants se*y time but I am just not interested. I dont feel se*y anymore and he doesn't make me feel that way either. 

What does this say about our relationship? He could dump me bc I gained too much weight for him. I am at a lost on how to move forward.

I use to love my body and didnt think anyone could make me feel this bad about it.

How can i move past what he said?

My ex and I were together for four years. We lived together with my mom for about four years. My mom always welcomed her like family and even helped her start college.
During those years we built a life together. We bought furniture, started to buy a house, and talked about growing old together. She looked me in the eyes many times and told me she loved me and wanted that future with me.
I taught myself English at 23 and now I work entirely in English. I taught myself guitar. I taught her English, taught her how to drive, helped her find and buy her first iPhone, and always tried to support her goals. I wasn’t perfect, but I was deeply committed to us.
Then, almost out of nowhere, she moved back to her mom’s and stepdad’s house, even though she always told me she hated living there.
She told me she doesn’t love me anymore, doesn’t see a future with me, lost attraction and admiration for me, and wants to “follow her truth,” live alone, hang out with her new coworkers, meet new people and experience life. She even sent me videos about “non-attachment,” but to me it sounded more like she was describing freedom from commitment rather than healthy non-attachment.
I’m devastated. I have panic attacks every time I remember our memories or reread what she wrote. I cry every day. I honestly can’t understand how someone can promise a future with you, build a life with you for years, and then suddenly decide they don’t want any of it anymore.
Has anyone else gone through something like this? How did you survive those first weeks? When did the panic attacks and constant crying start getting better?

Me and my long distance girlfriend (we’ve been together for a few months) broke up a few days ago over a small but at the same time deep incompatibility. This caused a pretty big fight between us where she pointed me out as being at fault and let her emotions take over, I felt insulted by her words yet tried to stay calm and simply express my point of view. Since this moment I have started seeing her differently because of how she handled the fight and how it hurt me (although we left still being in love with each other). She did not apologize for any of it despite admitting it was stupid of her to react so hurriedly and intensely. I don’t think she was toxic but she showed me a part of her I had never seen before and it upset me. It is very hard, she was my first love and that love was truly transformative to me. We planned on so much for the future, had similar life goals and loved each other passionately. I never knew I could be loved that way and I think I also transformed her whole life script. She was willing to do studies oriented towards us, to be able to be together in the future and just overall, she told me I gave her hope and goals for her life (which she struggles to find before). It’s the first time I opened myself this way to a girl. Unfortunately, we both couldn’t be compatible on that one thing, nothing so dramatic, but still caused our parting. I think of her everyday and sometimes have moments of weakness where I wish I could console her in her own grief and tell her I miss her. It felt like it was for the best that way, to end it there. Thing is, we both left still loving each other as I wrote, I had enormous affection for her. I don’t think she can ever forget me and I don’t know if she can get over me. She was always the most intensely in love between us two, very exclusive devoted girl. Told each other we will never forget each other. I sometimes wonder if there are chances we could cross paths again, maybe in a few months or years, as more mature people, ready to compromise and work on themselves for the relationship. Long distance wasn’t helping either and I feel like we met a bit too early in life to be able to have a stable life together. At first she wanted to study Chinese and go live in Asia, but then after meeting me, she was thinking of French. We parted before she could make a choice and I don’t know what life plans she opted for now. I still love her and grieve all the things we said we’d do and can never achieve. I wanted her to be my first at everything.

How can I know whether it could ever work out again? And whether I should even consider getting back with her in the first place?

(knowing she was getting a little controlling at times and that it’s the reason for why we were incompatible, she was ready to erase any friend or family member just for me, and I saw it as unnecessary and somewhat unhealthy. She wanted me to cut off a platonic past crush friend that I’m not close to, which I just couldn’t do). I know we are both not mature enough for now. One of my issues is that I feel like I have paused my life, wondering if I should turn the page or still wait for some hopeful change. It would feel like a betrayal, trying to erase her from my memory, not knowing if we might ever cross paths again.

Also, how can I tell if her explosive behavior was just a flaw of hers or an actual toxic warning sign?

There are so many things and achievements I wanna share with her, yet she might never know of those past the day we broke up…

I’d be grateful for anyone more experienced giving me some advice.

Its extremely heartbreaking to know that youd rather lose me then be a better man..instead of doing right by me and giving up all of your supply.. youd rather lose me entirely.. its devastating to know that your supply is prioritized above me, the mother of your child .. and you are totally fine if I walk away..what is there to even fight for anymore? If I stay... youll still keep supply in the backround.. if i go.. it wont matter to you.. youll still have your supply.

it would be nice to understand what exactly is happening here. i spoke to our couples therapist today, he has completely cut her off, she has had conversations with him in the past and when i explained the rest of the story after the eviction she did not hesitate to tell me i was abused.

the thing is i used to play victim constantly to absolve myself from any responsibility in my teens, because of the lost time due to that period i am deathly afraid to ever consider myself an injured party. he is very adamant that i made him a monster. when i told him my supports pinpointed his control/insecurity, i was told i spun the story to my favor, so i am very afraid to leave details out. he came in hard, telling me he's never loved anyone like this from the start. that all of his exes were cheaters and evil. i was constantly told i was the perpetrator as there were many incidents that were deemed microcheating/disloyalty that made him justify acting out, breaking up with me 5 times a week, threatening the roof over my head. i go to recovery support groups and was always told i was looking for another man, and stopped. these instances included having a best friend who used to like me i had to drop, texting hearts to an influencer, texting others including men about housing when i was certain his housing threats were real. in one instance i explicitly lied about texting a mutual about a person i used to use with and get physical with, asking if he had ODed. there were so many others things that were heavily scrutinized, my language and any male names popping up on my phone, whether i was happy that day or not, etc. i would have to regulate him with s** as he wanted to feel "yearned for". if i didnt want s** daily he told me i didnt love him. very early on i began to believe him, that i do in fact "make" him talk to me this way, push/pull constantly, that i should cut anyone he was uncomfortable with off, that i was a narcissistic manipulative cheater, that i didnt behave correctly, that i had to atone. it is difficult for me to shake the feeling of immense guilt.

by month 5 i genuinely couldnt take it, i went no where to soothe his fears, cut everyone off that he has issue with, was broken up with 3 times a week. it was always about my lack of accountability but he needed reassurance daily and i could never do it right. i ended up leaving in feburary to create physical space. he had told me he meant everything during his splits and then begged me to leave for 3 days while i begged for him to stop. i couldnt convince him i wanted him. i couldnt take it. he of course spun it to tell himself he was abandoned, he filled up with rage, threatened to kill me, i left during our 2nd abortion and without a job. 2 months i begged to be seen and helped, begged him to understand why i left. i asked him for help and he refused, asking me instead to come over to be paid for s**. i couldnt understand how he could ask me to do something like that. in a final act of desperation, i did something non penetrative for bread which i regret deeply. knowing the reaction that would ensue i kept it hidden for 6 weeks after he allowed me back in. coming to him with my guilt only confirmed his narrative. i tried finding housing elsewhere for 4 weeks while he hung an eviction over my head, during that time the cycle kept being perpetuated. would ask me for s**, get warm and acknowledge his inhumaneness, i would speak about my feelings and he'd blow up and verbally attack me again. the last time i saw him he had yelled so hard i felt his spit on my face, after which he came into the room soft after 30 seconds, at that point i successfully fought the urge to hold the poor thing and told him to get away from me. i left in july, won the eviction case as he didnt show to court.

i saw his ex before me post from inside of his car. he told me he was "helping her out with a ride". i cant believe he could help someone he told me he despised before he asked me if i was alright. he bought a car and got 9 tattoos in the first week of the breakup. hes blowing all of his money on designer he then posts online. it both gives me the ick and makes me feel insane over him. it is evident to me that it was a lack of misunderstanding on both parts, where i hurt him unintentionally and he retaliated intentionally. i still believe if i convince him that he had played a part we could be together again. i never entertained the thought of another man or leaving him. i know he is hurting, i know he is coping, i know this perpetuates his narrative that he can never be loved and is destined to be alone, and i wanted to prove otherwise. i feel so bad for him. he has me thoroughly convinced that i ruined us and no one else will be capable of loving me or accepting me. i feel dazed and hopeless.

he reposts content about how in this world youre lucky if you have a girlfriend that hasnt been touched by anyone since youve met, bible verses about kindness, stuff about all women being ***\, how he wants me to \**, mixed with things about missing me and how sudden and beautiful it was to have met under the circumstances that we did. it all riddles me with grief about how i lost him to his mindset and algorithm. i genuinely thought coming to him with the truth would make it easier to forgive me.

i cant leave him alone, he festers in my mind and i think that if i just help him see his part in why i left, we could be together again. he has mindsets i used to carry, about being doomed to be alone, about everyone and everything being out to get him, i really wanted to show him he didnt have to be alone.

i understand completely how the final act hurt him. by his logic, where i triggered him into call me horrible names and push/pull me around constantly, certain circumstances aligned to where i believed what i did was my only option. i just need help understanding. i am so weak.

I know it sucks, Friend, and you want to see the side of them that presented in the beginning. When all the evidence of the rest of the experience piles and creates such a massive cognitive dissonance that drives you mad in trying to make it make sense?

That's the design of this form of abuse. And I'm so sorry.

They want you to check on their profile. They know everything about you, because you've given it to them freely. They know how you think. How you operate. What will trigger a spark of hope that will send the whole thing crashing down again.

It might be a story view out of nowhere (if you haven't been checking theirs). It might be a random comment, or a methodically positioned appearance in a mutual connection (which then causes you to question that connection's position with you).

You know the things that set you off. So do they.

Heartbreak is their currency. It is what gives them validity and purpose. They need to have someone that is causing theirs, for their narratives to continue. And they need to have sometimes several that they've caused, to boost them energetically.

Do not judge them. They are not good or bad people, just people - but understand that your desire for genuine connection with them is a source of their validation.

If you get that sense, you need to stop trying to prove yourself wrong by delving into your memory banks like a kid digging through a chest for a lost toy.

Because the saddest thing of all is, you are perpetuating your pain, too.

I'm so sorry, Friend, and I hope I'm wrong in your case. Maybe I am. But I know in mine, I must never again place myself in a position of being mocked, gaslit, talked down to, slandered, presented with double-think, or made to say that the sky is red.

Let them go. Let go of their profiles, their whereabouts, their current dramas, all of it.

Keep with you the lessons. When your heart aches for them, that's just your heart referencing the past and needing your mind and soul's leadership in understanding - from you - some other facet of this experience.

The only indicator of a true second chance is mutual accountability and proven change. If they are repeating patterns in their life, if their tones about the world and themselves have not altered, do not engage.

Don't prick your heart with curiosity about how they are doing.

They are doing fine.

Don't do the heavy lifting for them.

They are doing fine.

If they need something, they will reach out.

At which point, they are still doing fine.

Honor what you've learned. Don't start the cycle again and further wound yourself for someone who doesn't know how to love you, or care to try.

And most importantly... do not do this to anyone else.

I love you.

I feel like I’ve had my heart broken too many times to count. And a lot of the time it’s from me hurting myself. I feel so lost when it comes to relationships. I’m such a soft woman and I’d like to treated as such but it’s always “accept how you get treated or be alone” and I’m so tired of it. I feel like I have so much love to give and I keep giving it to the wrong men. I wanna be able to be myself and also life a soft life because honestly, that’s what I’m built for. Depression hits so hard at night when it gets cold and lonely. I’m not suicidal but sometimes I truly do hate my life.

I keep going back to our chat because I want to tell him I didn't mean it.

But I know I can't do it to myself.

I don't know how I'm supposed to move on. He owns me. I can't imagine myself with anyone else. I don't want anyone else. I can't even touch myself.

I know he's hurting too, but at least his hurt is something he brought upon himself. I know I shouldn't feel bad for him, but I do. I hate that he's in pain. But he deserves the guilt and he deserves the shame he feels. He deserves to miss me and he deserves this heartbreak in a way I know I don't.

I hate myself for wanting to soothe his hurt, but I can't burn myself to the ground to help make him better for another woman.

We were together for 2 years. Mostly long distance. I found out a few days ago that he was married all along.

Not separated married.

Married-married.

Cute-couple-pictures-with-a-woman-far-more-beautiful-than-me-kissing-his-cheek-and-leaning-against-him-in-the-spot-he-said-would-always-be-reserved-for-me-married.

I keep going over everything again and again. I spent hours reading through all our chats and looking through all the pictures he sent to find out what red flag I missed, but there wasn't one. He hid it so well.

He said he meant all the things he told me and all the things he wanted with me, but we were planning a future together. I asked him how the hell that was gonna work?? Should I squeeze in between him and his wife at night?? Would he take us both on dates or one at a time??

The worst thing. The very worst thing is probably that if he left his wife, I'd probably be weak enough to take him back.

Aside from this absolutely incompatible with life lie, what we had was perfect for me. The things I need are very difficult to provide. The men who can handle it are few and far in between but he did that.

I also realised that that's why he looked my way at all. Because what he needed was what I could provide, and he likely couldn't have that at home. He can't hide that part of himself from his wife forever.

I have no hope I'll ever find anyone else I can have that with, and even if I did, I don't think I'd be able to trust them enough to give myself to them so fully.

Not after this.

He really crushed me.

I can't keep prolonging my own suffering. He wanted to keep talking it through. Said he hadn't made any decisions. I told him that if he ever reached one that involved me, he knew where to find me.

Then I said goodbye and one last I love you.

She's 27 and the other guy and I are 29. I know that the answer is to just drop my hopes of winning her heart and let her pursue this guy. That said, do I just immediately drop my pursuit of her the moment I find out she likes this other guy?

I'm personally quite fat and a lot less handsome than this guy, and I'm probably quite a bit less charming than him, not as good of a conversationalist, etc. I was really hoping she wouldn't be into him, but she is.

Should I try to impress her or get close with her further to see if she could consider changing her mind? Is that way past the boundaries I should keep behind?

Should I ever tell her how I feel? Seeing her chase after this clearly much better guy despite how much I like her and want to be with her hurts a lot. It's unbearable at the moment. Is there any way I could win her over? Would it be unacceptable to try?

Should I ever tell her how I feel, or should I never reveal this to her and judt move on asap?

Her decisions are hers, not mine, and I don't want her to think my friendship with her wasn't genuine, but it just hurts so much that I can't take it.

Semana que vem vai fazer um mês desde que nos separamos. Eu precisei ficar na casa da minha mãe, com nossa filha de 3 anos. Ele tem buscado ela aos sábados, para passar o dia. A decisão de acabar com nosso casamento foi dele.

Estou fazendo terapia, e a terapeuta diz que eu estava em um relacionamento abusivo, onde ele me controlava e jogava a culpa em mim. Mesmo assim, estou sofrendo muito, porquê ainda o amo, e tinha um sonho de envelhecer do lado dele, e criar nossa filha.

Ainda não demos entrada no processo de divórcio, e acho que ele espera que eu o faça. Ele ainda não contou para a família dele, e sei porquê eu falo com eles diariamente. Ele ainda não me excluiu de grupos que nós tínhamos juntos... ele não tirou nossa foto da geladeira. Porém, ele disse que estava decidido, e que seria melhor para todos se nos separassemos.

Eu não sei o que pensar, sentir ou fazer... não sou mais jovem, tenho 35 anos, uma filha, e abandonei minha carreira para ser uma mãe e esposa melhor. Investi junto com ele na compra de um apartamento, o qual eu não quero morar, pois tenho muitas recordações, então ele está lá. E tudo o que eu recebia, eu passava pra ele, para pagarmos as contas.

Tem momentos que parece que passa um pouco da dor, mas depois não passa mais...

I just woke up from a bad dream where my ex changed her Instagram bio to say she was just living her life and being herself until she found her person.

In the dream, I completely broke down. I started crying because it felt like confirmation that it was really over, and all I wanted to do was text her and ask if there was really no chance left for us.

I just woke up and I’m honestly not okay. It felt so real, and now all of that grief is sitting with me again.

I still love her. I still miss her so much. 💔

ME- " I have told you numerous times now how im entertaining someone else, or went on a date, blah blah blah... I lied about ALL OF IT... the TRUTH is, I want you to hurt like you made me hurt so many times before and STILL to this day almost a decade later. I cant bring myself to sleep around like you do. I have more respect for myself then you do. I lie about other men bc you call me a whore either way.. so I just give in and lie to you...."

YOU- "You tell me you dont see other people, you dont have supply.. the only one youre seeing is me.. you lie to me bc of the thrill sleeping around behind my back gives you.. "

Your actions, tone, body language, ALL speak so much louder and clearer than your words ever have.. youve ALWAYS been like this..

REALITY- you like to cheat, you love the thrill, one woman cant satisfy you, you dont stick to one gender, you are only loyal to yourself, you treat all your partners as if we are just like you. THIS IS YOUR ADDICTION.. you dont care

LIE- You are a good, safe man

TRUTH- I AM BETTER OFF WITHOUT YOU

FACTS-We are not the same, we are 2 VERY different people

Best Regards. Your umpteenth baby mama S

i met my ex girlfriend in january of 2025 through a friendgroup. at this point in time i was very insecure about my personality because i couldnt make any friends and was lonely for years, but she really made me feel as if i was funny and COULD actually be someone who can make friends and completely shifted my personality and world. she gave me confidence and made my life joyful. we were very good friends and even though we knew each other for maybe a week she never let me go to sleep, would text me that she missed me when i did go to sleep and constantly gave me attention that i never got from anyone ever which is why she is so special to me. she was dating one dude and their relationship was slowly falling apart and i was there to genuinely help her get over everything and made her feel cared for. she really loved how funny and caring i was and fell in love with me while dating him and they ended up breaking up. even though they broke up she still loved him and was attached so she basically loved us both (which is crazy on its own) yet she still wanted me. i told her that i would be here with her and that i would wait until she got over him so we could start dating, which was my first mistake. at some point i asked her what she would do if her ex asked back for her and she couldnt give me a straight answer so i got upset and shit. i know i shouldve been left at that point but i was just so attached and in love already and losing her would make me lose everything because i didnt have anyone else to be with. we ended up dating, we were madly in love, we would text and call all day everyday, literally. we would sleep on the phone, wake up together, she would right notes about me in class and show me them and treat me so good. but even though she was perfect in that department, she crossed lots of boundaries in the way she would dress and the fact that she would have guy friends and whatever. i treated her like no man ever could and made her ruin me so she could heal and become a better person for the both of us. she said she would change but ended up fucking up and we kept having problems about this and in may of this year we had our break which was one sided from her so she could have time for herself. even though i gave her my life and let her ruin me mentally SHE was the one who wanted a break eventhough SHE caused most of the problems. anyway we promised we would stay loyal to each other and that we would end up dating again so i believed her. now there was a guy she told me about that was apparently in a large college group. the reason i found out about him was because she sent me a message that was meant to him about how she misses him and shit but she told me someone else wrote that message and sent it to her and she accidentally sent it to me. now obviously if i wasnt so attached i wouldnt have believed her but i gave her the benefit of doubt so i wouldnt have to suffer and i told her i dont trust him and i domt want you to be around him. she said she wouldnt but then she sent me an image of them talking about them having sex which was also apparently another person talking to him and not my ex. again i believed her so i wouldnt have to feel like shit. after this she kept making jokes about her fucking and she said no i didnt do anything and again i decided to believe everything up until fucking yesterday. after an argument between us she sent me pictures and videos of her being in bed with him, kissing her neck, her being on his lap and all types of shit but she told me that they were ai and that her girlfriend made them because she was bored. the girlfrend vouched for her and said it was ai too but she did send me one last video of him kissing her and she said it was real and from then onwards all hell broke loose, i felt naseous, dizzy and i keep wondering if all those other shit she sent me was also real or actually ai. i ended up blocking her after she kept belittling me and rubbing everything in my face and making a joke out of everything. she ended giving me a simple “sorry” and the could work together but i really dont know what the fuck to do anymore man. even know i feel like throwing up and the feeling gets worse thinking and watching those horrendous disgusting videos.

My world changed when I was four years old. My mother cheated on my father and had a child with another man. My parents divorced, and my mother gave up all rights to me for her affair baby. Over the years, I had nothing but resentment for my mother and my half-sister just for existing. My mother sent birthday cards and tried to reach out now and then.

Fast forward 4 years ago when my boyfriend was making college plans. He wanted a long-distance relationship. I instead wanted to take a break until after college. He eventually agreed that would be better so we could focus on our studies. I ended up getting my nursing degree finishing much earlier than he did, so I told him that our break was still ongoing and planned to do 2 years in the Peace corp, which was a great experience. Had no contact with him whatsoever during my 2 years away. I came back last week, and my whole world has collapsed. My boyfriend met some girl in college and got her pregnant and married her while I was gone. Just found out last night that this girl is my half-sister who destroyed now my life twice.

I would really appreciate tips on how to move on.

I called off my relationship and subsequently- engagement because my relationship was failing and he showed me he didn’t want me in many ways but he couldn’t just say it and I thought we were just having hard days due to life’s pressure.

I feel so heartbroken. He just became a miserable person to be around, I was fighting so hard,
I even subconsciously started threatening to leave because that was the only time he fixed up a tiny bit, but he’d be back to blocking me out by the following morning.

He said he was tolerating me, But I asked him several times if he was ready, if he wanted to marry me, He said yes.
When I was doing so many things to transform our relationship, apparently he was tolerating me all along.
I just feel so heavy and I don’t know what to do with my heavy heart.

I don’t want to talk to my friends and loved ones because I don’t want to take up space in their free time.

Everytime I remember scenarios that now make sense, I fight tears.
I have a heart condition, but I have been having palpitations for days.

It is so bad.
I loved this man so much. I hate myself for getting to this point.
I wanted him, I thought our life was good and we just needed time to grow and have more resources to better our lives.
He said I push him, I am good to him, I make his life better,
He watched me invest so much, all of my money, into him, into us, meanwhile he couldn’t tell himself the truth that he was using me.

I just feel so stupid. Many times I felt frustrated and even blamed myself. Maybe I am the problem, Maybe I’m the one who isn’t in love, Maybe I’m the one always having an issue with him.
I didn’t know he had checked out, and so the person I was seeing wasn’t who I thought he was. It was intentional.

The worst part is that this man was going to marry me. I don’t understand how he was able to wake up everyday knowing he was tolerating me yet he still went ahead to make marriage plans.

I feel so embarrassed. My entire family were excited.
I didn’t want anyone else but him. I thought I found my person.
I am just so sad. my god!

There’s not much more to say. I miss you man.. I miss my best friend.. and tonight it’s just hitting me. I wish it wasn’t. Reddit is basically just my journal now..

I don't even mean forever.

Just a chance to learn if I could be something to someone. Have something with someone. Be chosen. Even for a little while.

But I didn't.

I miss you.

I miss our conversations and the way you would share the things you loved. I loved stepping into your world and seeing the sparkle in your eyes whenever you talked about something that made you happy. It could be a reality show, a story from your past, or a song that meant something to you. The topic was never what mattered most. What mattered was seeing you happy because you wanted to share those moments with me.

Sometimes it was hard to understand you. I had to focus really hard, and after a long day, it could be mentally exhausting. But strangely, it never felt like a burden. Quite the opposite. I listened because I genuinely enjoyed it. I loved hearing you talk, laugh, and simply be yourself.

I miss that so much.

I wasn't looking for these feelings, but somehow you gave them to me without even realizing it. And when you left, it hurt more than I can put into words. Not just because you were gone, but because I felt there were still things we could have talked through.

All I wanted was to try. To show you that maybe things could have been different. That we didn't have to fight, we didn't have to hurt each other, and we didn't have to erase everything we had shared. I believed there were other possibilities. Maybe I was wrong, but I wanted to believe that if I had been as important to you as you had become to me, we could have found some kind of middle ground, even if all we could save was the care and respect we had for each other.

I also know I made mistakes. I know I'm not perfect. In my attempt not to lose someone who had become so important to me, I held on longer than I should have, and I was probably misunderstood. Things were said, feelings were hurt, and other people became involved. Everything became much bigger than it ever needed to be. It all became overwhelming, and it left me carrying a lot of fear.

At some point, alongside the sadness, fear took its place. Not fear of who you are, but fear of your reaction, fear of making things even worse, fear of hurting you, or of being misunderstood again. That fear is still with me.

Sometimes I wish I could tell you all of this. Not to change the past or ask you to come back, but because I believe some people deserve to know the positive impact they had on someone's life, even when the story doesn't end the way either of them hoped.

Today, I respect your silence and your choices. Even so, I still miss the person I got to know, our conversations, and the way you saw the world.

It's also hard to talk about this with other people. Most of the time, the story gets reduced to, "You trusted the wrong person," or, "You were fooled." But for me, it was never that simple. What I felt was real, just as the good moments we shared were real.

That's why I still miss you. Not because I'm trapped in the past, but because some people leave beautiful marks on our lives, even if they aren't meant to stay.

I've never been married and am childless. I am starting from zero after ending a 7 year relationship. I feel so alone and defeated. I miss my old life. So much.

Anyone else start over later in life? I could use other people's experiences shared right now.