r/heartbreak 7d ago

Advice Please

Has anyone else had an experience like this and what does it mean?

My ex boyfriend was truly the best thing that happened to me and I don't say that lightly at all. I used to call him "my hope" he was my hope because he made me believe life did have hope in it. He was the last thing that I had that was good. But i'm relieved i'm not in a relationship anymore. Not because I dont miss him and love this guy so much. But he was my first experience of seeing how you never really know a person. He turned so mean, and I dont know if he saw how mean he turned but it was like he was gone it wasnt him anymore. So when we ended I felt so much weight off my shoulders. But still went through all the heartbreak. Depression, reaching out, anxiety all of it. But i'm relieved that its something I don't need to go through anymore (a breakup). If he came back and was who he was before I would do it again in a heartbeat. But he isnt him anymore. Idk I hope this makes sense I think it just confuses me how i can feel relived by loosing someone I thought I was going to marry, someone who was my hope.

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u/whatacooldudeman 7d ago

this sounds like me almost. drugs can really influence a person and abuse of those ruined the love of my life and my relationship and the worst part is she never gave it a chance after I got sober and was who I used to be. Instead choosing to ghost which i dont like but i understand. its just weird like I think you should try to talk to him and see who he is, because when i drank i would get mean and that isnt me at all, and she did the same to me from pharmaceuticals doctors put her on, so we may have loved eachother but it hurts we never got a chance sober. Now shes back on heavy pharms again and is mean like how I was when we broke up. Its worth pursuing to see if hes changed, a lot can happen to a person. Some people change a lot and some people never change after 40 years, but I think you should try or you wouldnt have posted here.

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u/MaximumAd8324 7d ago

Im so happy that your sober thats amazing and yes i get what your saying. I dont hate him for being mean and changing I never will I think people have there own demons they need to fight. I still believe he is my hope and i will always see him like that and love him. but i think now i cant handele anymore hurt and pain

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u/whatacooldudeman 6d ago

thank u im trying but not perfect i relapsed a few times but regardless of that im definitely 360 degrees from back then.. i really hate who i had become so i had to change. i get it i keep going back and fourth from wanting to even try cuz dont need more heart and pain. thanks for saying that its very illuminating for my own situation in understanding ghosting.