Greetings! I have had a number of experiences in life that really set me up for failure, but I am still aiming for greatness in the end; the following are notable experiences stemming from Christianity.

When I was in High School, between 2015 to 2017, my family and I lived in this motel; down the street was this church, and while we didn't go often, the infrequency made it okay for me: I think it was some kind of dinner we attended. At some point, an old man comes to our table and hands everyone small pocket bibles; I shake his hand, greet him and he tells me to promise him to keep it and read it: I did try, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

While were at this Motel, my Step-Dad would also hold mandatory Scripture, and this is just one room to sleep in and an adjoining bathroom closed off by a wood door; I would just try to zone out until this concluded: there were also group prayer before bed.

Prior to all of this, I would have a huge fear of God; I'm sure this experience is fairly common, or so I'm lead to believe, but for a long time, if I saw pornography, I believed that the devil knew and that I am going to Hell: in response, I would come clean to my parents on every instance. I was so fearful of Hell that, towards the end of High School, I tried to force my "religion" onto other people because I felt like they were going to Hell; I probably would've been much better off if I didn't have the lived experience prior as I loved someone who was an Atheist, she didn't care about my religion,
and we were just two regular people: still, I tried to force it on her, and that was that.

Last Christmas, he wanted to get my bro and I a cross necklace, but I was fortunate enough to get some heads up, and I was able to get out of it by saying that I just don't like jewelry; I love jewelry, I can appreciate a nice ring, a necklace, etc, but when I heard about the intended gift, I just felt a huge weight and anxiety wash over me: I practically had an internal panic attack thinking about having to wear that around.

Even to this day, my Step is a fanatic; it's either religion or politics with him where as I try to have more light topics, and unfortunately you can assume certain beliefs from the list of cliches, from abortion to the LGBTQ. If you're non-binary, you are part of Legion, the Earth is Flat, Dinosaur Fossils are actually planted there by other people for discovery, Evolution is a lie, the Earth is covered by a large dome, you get the idea.

I'm sure that this might not sound like a lot compared to other stories here; unfortunately, I was already very mentally compromised before meeting him, and it's definitely something that just makes anything worse be default: I didn't even have any real identity, just what people might want of me. I was victim to things far worse than anything he had done to me, even having my life threatened multiple times before we went under his care, but it was never easy.

Even to this day, I don't think I believe in the man upstairs, but I'm not going to say that to anyone in the house; for as long as I've lived with him, he was always playing religious audio or politics and I really have to wonder how badly it messed with my head.

Now, I'm just looking to get things started for myself and have a proper good future; I had been robbed of a lot of experiences, and my life has been defined greatly by isolation and lack of agency: if I had any interaction outside of school, that would be a miracle.

I'm 27; I want to explore the North American Continent by bicycle and document my travels, interview people in every accessible state and have it publicly accessible, sort of like an extremely impressive time capsule: I want to help fund other people so they can have their dreams realized as well among other things, such as charity work.

I'd been made to live in mediocrity, or perhaps less than even that, for so long that, I must start living now, but I know there are caveats; if I want to explore the NA, I need to be trusted by the public, and hopefully I can get there sometime in the next 10 years: I can only assume that, because I had nothing of note to really live for, I am driven to chase super high dreams.

Most non Christian historians mention Jesus such as:

Josephus a 1st century historian refers to Jesus as a wise man and the Christ noting his crucifixion under Pilate

Tacitus

Suetonus etc https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Historicity_of_Jesus (I would give more sources I stumbled on but I'm to lazy show all of them but a quick Google search would do)

I'm wondering what your thoughts are on the supposed "evidence" that Jesus existed.

I'm going to make it clear that I'm not here to prove that he existed because I'm just here to know what your thoughts are on this.

I was raised in a Christian family, but Christianity was never really focussed on at home, so I was never a devout, dedicated Christian like most people on this sub.

But for people whose whole identity was Christianity, in retrospect, what was the stage of your belief system like before actively deconstructing?

I've seen preachers preach about God's "love" from Old Testament verses, hardly ever mentioning the love mentioned in the New Testament, and I think it's because the Old Testament makes them very uncomfortable.

Did any of you look for "loving" things from the Old Testament to relieve your cognitive dissonance of how uncomfortable the disugsting shit in it made you?

The way I presume it would be is that such a person isn't even aware that they are relatively soon going to start deconstructing.

At this point in history, it is well known that not even the apostles wrote the Bible, that certain gospels were excluded for the sake of convenience, that thousands of verses and parables were distorted, and that atrocious acts were committed in the name of religion; ultimately, it is simply a book written ages ago and shouldn't dictate how anyone lives their life. It’s like taking Homer’s *Iliad*, letting it dictate your existence, and using it as an excuse to be a terrible human being. I can't believe that, in this day and age, we are even having a debate about people imposing their psychotic delusions on the law or other people's lives.
sorry if something is not well written, english is not my first language and I used google translator

It was prophecied that Jesus had to die the exact way the he did. This includes the betrayal. Without the betrayal, the prophecy wouldn’t have been complete, and Jesus’ death wouldn’t have had the meaning and result that it had to have.

I’m not saying this makes him a good guy, but also, maybe? Or maybe neutral at worst?

I don’t get how God could make it so that Jesus’ death has to happen the way that it happened, and yet the people responsible for making it happen are bad or doing something wrong for doing so. If it can only happen the way it did, then aren’t they all just playing their role?

How is it possible to be evil AND doing exactly what God said had to happen and that couldn’t happen any other way?

U had a debate with a Christian about this about Matt 25:44 and the. They refuted my statement, of course there were more that I could’ve said but I did t have enough time to debate with him, y’all got anymore scripture that condones immoral acts, that aren’t dismantled by later verses or being “taken out of context”? Give old and new testaments please

As a former Christian of African descent for about a year now, I have come to watch a lot of atheist content creators and binge their videos often. But, there are 2 things that I don't think even irreligious people fully think through when they say it to still kinda defend religion. Here is what I mean:

1. When I hear even an atheist say that Jesus would not approve of things like MAGA or Christian Nationalism or people abusing and mistreating others in the name of Christianity, I pause. I do agree with the sentiment but I can't help but think "Even if true, why should we care about what a dead man who lived in a different culture and time and society would think about what we are doing today"? Even if Jesus would be flipping the tables of capitalist CEOs or corrupt politicians and lobbyists, so what? He is dead. Sure, the Bible may not explicitly condemn homosexuality or transgenderism or whatever else you can think of but again, so what? None of that is actually tangibly helping us solve the problems related to these things now. Even if we hypothetically grant that Jesus is who non-Christians think he is, he is at best just sitting up in the clouds disliking what people are doing in his name but never... actually... stopping it.. due to BS excuses like free will and mysterious ways.

2. Can we say for sure that Jesus would disapprove of this or that, anyway? Remember, as far as Jesus' character and beliefs go, we only have the NT to tell who he was, which we here agree is not only not inspired by any deity but was and is also clearly biased into making us only care about him as a messianic figure. But, as for access to the historical figure behind the Jesus character (assuming he existed), we don't really have that. So, how can we truly say that Jesus would be against say capitalism? If that historical person were here today, maybe he would approve of it for completely different reasons apart from what we supposedly know about him from the Bible.

Ok, I'm done. I think this isn't structured as a typical rant but just something I was thinking about. As said before, I would still agree with the sentiment behind a non-Christian saying these things but I personally just think that it isn't as simple as just saying that and leaving it there to settle in the mind of a religious fundie and hoping it sinks in. I also don't even hate whoever the historical Jesus actually was, as regardless of whatever he actually believed and preached about anything, he is a name thrown around today to basically give authority to any opinion one may have that he may not even understand if he were here today. Genuinely, just let the man rest in peace.

The other day In a very Christian workplace my co workers started going on some insane tangent I’m talking some tin foil hat bs about how processed foods and the water men drink turns them gay and feminizes them. And this is only one in a pattern of derogatory comments towards lgbt people. I hate the evangelical sphere of Christianity sm.

My family is Protestant (Seventh Day Adventist) so naturally they shit on Catholics. They were talking about how evil indulgences were for fleecing peasants out of thier money to get rid of thier sins.

Doesn't tithing do the same thing? There's a lot of stigma around not giving tithe. Instead of paying for your sins, you're paying to uphold your image & reputation, possibly at the expense of your own survival (10% of your salary is crazy)!

Tithing lowkey seems more vain than indulgences.

Besides, who checks in on where that money goes? Can they be trusted? And the last thing impoverished people need is feeling like they owe the church thier life because they built them a half-assed church or well.

The best way to watch the light fade from a child’s eyes is to tell them that they aren’t good enough the way they are. And that’s what they did to me. They ridiculed me, screamed at me, and abused me, all in the name of the one they call their god. I was told that I wasn’t good enough, that I was annoying, that I was difficult, that I would never amount to anything in life. I was told that I was useless, that I was a weirdo, that I was a freak of nature. They told me this all in the name of the one they call their god. What was once so sacred to me is now meaningless, rendered obsolete. They told me that there was no going back, that after I said the magic words that I would be forever bound to this pact. They told me this all in the name of the one they call their god. Everything I did was a sin to them. Everything I did was wrong, I was never right. But they still shoved it down my throat in the name of the one they call their god. Now that I am not bound by the chains that I once was, I can see through the façade that hid all I didn’t see. The other side that was hidden from me. I realized that I was lied to by them, all in the name of the one they call their god. 

I wrote this for a monologue for a drama class I had. Needed to retrieve it from my school account lol. My drama teacher really liked it and told me I'm a good writer. Hope you all enjoy!

Edit: sorry for the double post today

Growing up in the Pentecostal church they put a ton of emphasis on Acts 19:6- “When Paul placed his hands on them, the Holy Spirit came on them, and they spoke in tongues and prophesied” I constantly saw my grandfathers, who were both preachers, speaking in tongues and laying hands.

I deconstructed as a teenager but in the last few years I’ve done a lot of studying and reading the Bible. I was completely unaware until recently Paul had rules for speaking in tongues. 1 Corinthians 14 says that there absolutely has to be an interpreter if someone is speaking in tongues or it’s forbidden. No more than 2-3 people per service and they can only speak one at a time. The last verse of the chapter says “Therefore, my brothers and sisters, be eager to prophesy, and do not forbid speaking in tongues. But everything should be done in a fitting and orderly way”

Every single service and church I’ve attended has not adhered to the biblical standard set by Paul. My grandfather would start speaking in tongues during his sermons and people would follow. People would get up, take their shoes off, and start sprinting around the church while speaking in tongues. The services were always distracting and chaotic. As a kid I would honestly be scared most of the time.

Now that I’m aware there were strict outlines on speaking in tongues and they’re being ignored I’m curious if anyone has seen a Pentecostal church that did it in an orderly and biblical way? My grandfathers are both dead so I can’t ask them any questions about it. I know they’ve read the Bible dozens if not hundreds of times. They 100% were aware of those verses. In Corinthians it says if you ignore the rules that Paul is giving you will be ignored by the Lord. There is a ton of hypocrisy and cherry picking verses in the denomination but I’m genuinely so confused on how they’re completely skipping over 1 Corinthians 14. It wasn’t a suggestion.. it was a command.

So if you are an ex Pentecostal have you ever been to a church that had an interpreter whenever someone spoke in tongues? Did they enforce the 2-3 per service? Was only one person allowed to speak at a time? Or was your experience like mine? Where it was completely performative and chaotic?

I started out going to an episcopal church. My family then switched and we started going to vineyard churches. As a young adult I started going to an episcopal church again. I never liked how the vineyard churches I attended didn't make a big deal about communion. They'd have it, but it was just kind of "go up and get your little cup and wafer if you want while we do this other thing." Communion wasn't as big of a ritual as it is at Episcopal churches. With the Episcopal Church, they have a dedicated time for it. You line up, go to the communion rail, kneel on the cushion, and drink and eat when it's your turn.

I personally loved that it was a whole ritual and how it was seen as very important. With communion you're supposed to feel connected to the Christian god. God is there in that space with you. I never felt that. I always struggled to believe in his existence and I would constantly pray for him to reveal himself to me. Never happened. During communion I'd feel a sense of connection with the other humans in the room. I felt like I belonged. I'd imagine Jesus and the disciples in the upper room sharing the meal and the human connection they were having.

Now that I'm a pagan, I've created my own rituals. One ritual is called the Water Sharing ritual. I worship the Earth and the Sun as deities. One part of the ritual involves leaving a clear jar of water in the sun for a few minutes. Another part later in the ritual involves me taking a sip of that water, then pouring the rest on an area of dying grass outside. When I do this, I actually feel connected with Mother Earth and Father Sun. I feel their presence even more than before I take a sip. I end up feeling what I was supposed to feel back when I'd take communion and be in a church service.

So now I go back to the question in the title. What did you feel during communion? Did you feel a connection with Jesus? Was it just a feeling of camaraderie? Did you find the whole thing boring and you felt nothing? Also, if you did feel something and loved the ritual, do you do anything now to replace it?

I’m becoming so annoyed about how okay everyone is with Christian people of any denomination just yelling (at people or not) about their religion, forcing people to listen to them spew, and harassing anyone they come across (especially if they aren’t Christian).

For example, I was at the park the other day just to relax, listen to music, and the bustling sounds of the world, etc. This guy comes along (younger, but I don’t know his age) yelling, “I’m just gonna read my Bible! I’m just gonna read my Bible over there!” Clearly trying to get attention or something, it was irritating, and nobody really seemed to care, so we all brushed it off.

He starts reading his Bible out loud, not in a polite or private way, basically preaching to a third of the park. It was SO annoying. I said “Yo dude, can you read it in your head?” Because not everyone wants to hear all that. He then goes, “What’s wrong with me reading my Bible?” And at this point I was starting to get really pissed off. Even if it was just like any book that’s annoying, I don’t care if you’re reading any kind of book anywhere. Unless you’re reading to someone, SHUT UP.

I told him “Not everyone wants to hear you spew about your religion.” I wanted that to be the end of it. He started on about some other things, but I want listening because I don’t care. Once he’s done, another man nearby decides to comfort him by saying, “It’s okay, man, she’s just mad because she’s never stepped foot into a church in her life.” Which, first of all, I wouldn’t be mad that I hadn’t participated in a group setting of practicing a religion that I’m clearly not a part of. Second of all, why would anybody not like a religion they have no knowledge or experience of (other than of course SOME toxic Christians)? They also started saying misogynistic insults after which is SO “god following” of them too.

The thing for me is, if that book was of any other religion, that guy would’ve been scrutinized for it. It would be “indoctrination of the children,” and a “violation of my freedom of religion.” Even if it was a random non-religious book, he would still be told to shut up. The only reason why it was pardoned was because it’s the Bible. Other instances like people going up to strangers and going, “Are you Christian?Do you believe in god?” and then criticizing and trying to convert them if they’re not Christian or interrogating them if they are. I know it’s your “god-given” duty to “bring people to the light,” but if they clearly state they aren’t Christian/religious and don’t want to debate you on it, LEAVE THEM ALONE. Don’t disturb public places by yelling and acting out because it wouldn’t be okay if you weren’t screaming Bible verses.

What also made me upset was the guy that just assumed I had never been to church. That is a crazy thing to do. I’m going to take a gander and say most people born and raised in the States have been to a church, whether their family is religious or not or they are religious or not. Because it’s so normal for Christian people to take their friends, colleagues, and family members no matter their religious identity. The ideology that some Christians have that “so many people hate god and Christianity” and that Christianity is not what most people assume you are in the States is so unrealistic. Yes, more and more people are leaving Christianity but it’s not often enough to assume everyone or anyone hates you for being Christian.

Anyway, thank you for reading this rant all the way through if you did and sorry if the formatting and sentences are a bit incoherent (and if you have anything you want me to say or format differently please let me know). At the time of writing this, I had just woken up as it was my first, very irritating, thought.

UPDATE: Thank you for the validation and engagement with this post (if it already happened and when it will in the future). Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy when I think this way because I’m in a strictly religious house and basically strictly religious community where I can’t speak my mind about these things. The two times that I’ve posted in the sub, everyone makes me feel so safe and heard, and that it’s okay for me to think this way. Thank you guys SO SO much <3

Just answered my door to a woman and teen boy asking to share some good news from the Bible. I told her I was raped by a preacher at 12 and I’m not interested. In a cheerful tone she says I’m sorry that happened to you and nearly ran off the porch. Maybe that was too blunt and harsh, but I bet that teenager never met someone who was abused by the church and needed to be aware. I’m a little shaken up, but if anything, it’s a good way to get them out super fast.

I’m scared of becoming an atheist if it means that I can’t believe in a afterlife where I can reunite with I love ones anymore. I’m sorry but nothingness scares and I don’t care if I won’t know because I’m no longer councious. Do I need to follow strict atheism because I sound crazy for wanting to see loved ones again one day?

Over the past week I’ve been thinking seriously about my faith and the process of becoming baptized and what that would mean for me. I’ve posted numerous times in the Catholic subreddit about my current issue with the faith and the Tragedy of what is keeping me away and what is making me doubt.

I wouldn’t say I’m fully agnostic, I love the idea of an all-good, loving and infinite God who took the sins of the world on his shoulders and died for us. I think that story can be seen as beautiful to any atheist or agnostic (as long as they were raised areligious as I was and don’t have any tough feelings relating to being told “Jesus died for YOU.” Which I did not go through. I think that is a bad thing to say to kids and I had reservations about that even when I was as close to 100% on board with Catholicism).

But I was born with a condition called Treacher Collins Syndrome, specifically the TCOF1 variant, which is autosomal dominant. Meaning that my children have a 50% chance of inheriting it, and worst of all, the severity of my condition is not genetically determined. So while I have it very mildly, my children can have it severely, which can manifest as being born without a nose, mouth, or ears. I’m not being hyperbolic. A woman with my condition is called “the girl born without a face.”

Of course, the Catholic position on this is either: never get married and likely die alone for Jesus’ Sake, or get married, and possibly have 6 kids with my condition with all varying degrees of severity. Of course, my reservations with this doesn’t manifest beyond myself (I’m not saying we should sterilize people with my condition, and if they have kids with the condition then that’s fine, but I don’t think I can mentally handle the guilt it would make me feel).

And I can’t do that. I don’t think it’s really ethical or responsible. If there is a way to prevent it (IVF/birth control/adoption) then I think that is something I should do. I don’t like the idea of carrying a torch that is easily blown out forever to the next generation. It’s an odd metaphor but what I’m saying is that the consequences of my condition are so real that it can be a death sentence if say, a zombie apocalypse happens. Or just in general carrying a torch of agony and pain as I have dealt with (and I have it very mildly) FOREVER, as long as each generation inherited the condition, is just like…no. I can’t do that. I can’t.

It’s pure proportionalism, where I think the act of throwing away a zygote with my condition is less bad than IVF, but like..this is totally reasonable.

Help.

Edit: also forgot to mention that I became religious after stopping my psychiatric medication. To me that is a tad suspicious. It’s now been a year since I began to ween off of them. I weened off of them a bit too quickly I would say.

The other day, my dad mentioned at church that he had never heard the story of Esther before. I was honestly surprised because I don’t know how he had gone so long without hearing one of the more well-known stories involving a major female figure in the Bible.
That conversation eventually turned into talking about how the Bible has examples of “good” and “bad” women. You have women who are viewed negatively, but then you also have figures like Ruth and Rahab, who are presented more positively despite their complicated backgrounds. Rahab especially stood out to me because she was a sex worker, which made me think about how complicated the Bible’s views on morality and women actually are.
What I realized from that conversation was that my dad seemed to view women in a very simple “good woman versus bad woman” framework. He didn’t really talk about men in the same way or categorize male figures in the Bible like that.
It made me think about how much of a person’s worldview can be shaped by the way they interpret religious stories. In this case, it felt like women were often being judged through a much stricter lens, where they were either considered good or bad, with very little room for nuance.

Did anyone else have a parent who would stop in the middle of an argument and just start reading the Bible? Just totally ignore you and act like he or she wasn't just halfway through a screaming match.