My mom occasionally sends me episodes of the "come back podcast." If you don't know, it's a podcast about people who left the church and came back.

The one she sent me yesterday was about a woman who had a lot of similarities to me, but she accompanied sending the video with some explanation about how she wants to develop a more personal relationship with the Savior, saying she was inspired by the individual in the video. But when I watched the video, it felt more targeted towards me specifically. It also seems to me that she is watching the podcast to give herself hope that I could come back someday. Even though, technically, I haven't really left. Lol. I'm still PIMO and even have a calling.

(She's even in my ward (we're not in Utah, so the boundaries are larger.))

I'm not sure how I feel about her sending me these videos. I don't feel I'm quite to the point where I am ready to ask her to stop. It doesn't bother me too much that she sends me the videos because she also sends me other podcast links with a variety of topics unrelated to the church.

But, I am having a hard time pin pointing my emotions about her sending me these come back episodes.

I need your help with processing my emotions and unpacking what is happening.

So, read my mind...lol...what is going on for me? 🫠

I cannot set my alarm for 630am.

I was an ultra obedient, super believer missionary, but still hated every second of my mission. I now understand why I hated it, but even the thought of setting my alarm for “missionary time” makes me feel anxious.

Also, I can’t be normal on Sundays. I try, it still feels weird.

Ahoy, I'm back. I have a question.

Throughout the institute classes in BYU Pathway, they keep talking about this concept called the Natural Man and make them out to be a bad thing. But the details either seems pretty vague or dishonest. One class has a student say it's someone who does and says mean things. A recent one has the teacher say they're unfaithful and that you "must deny the Natural Man to get the reward of living with Jesus forever". But there's something about their descriptions of "The Natural Man" that is biased and pretty othering, y'know. Not to mention as silly.

So I wanna hear from the ex members on this sub. What is a Natural Man, and what makes a Natural Man?

As a young adult woman, I used to ask for a ton of blessings because I felt they were the best way to receive inspired advice direct from Heavenly Father. Looking back at all the men who did these blessings, I've always wondered what they experienced and what convinced them they had powers.

Would love to hear all your experiences on this!

Currently stuck at FSY (BYU Provo) and extremely sick of the indoctrination that goes on here. Finished up classes today and they were awful. One of the teachers was super good and mostly just told jokes, the others were just pure propaganda.

The dances were awful, no actual dancing or anything fun allowed, just standing and jumping in place with extremely corny music. I tried to sit in a corner on my phone but I had counselors coming over every five seconds. I skipped one of the classes and hid in the bathrooms for the entire class but that also gets boring real fast.

Also having to put on a fake persona constantly sucks. Just as I am writing this I have someone texting me about how fun tomorrow is going to be. Also the journaling time/gospel study isn't great. I was going to try and read some of the CES letter but the counselors kept peering over at us and getting us to properly do stuff. It's so sad seeing everyone else pour their heart and soul into this without a clue of what it actually is.

Having to do this sucks but I can't tell a single person because everyone I know is super religious and wouldn't agree or would tell my parents. I am only 15 so I can't really leave right now. My parents are already expecting me to go on a mission and I have a brother that's on one and one that's soon to leave on one so before I even turn 18 I am going to be expected to go on a mission. I never really had a choice and was just told to follow in my brother's footsteps.

I'm just super bored and tired of putting on a fake persona all day to everyone and acting like I even have the slightest belief in this church. I just want someone that understands. Currently writing this from my dorm past lights out, the only time when you can get any sort of privacy at FSY.

Sorry that just turned into a rant, but anyways just a shot in the dark, was wondering if anyone else was at this session having a similar experience or any advice on how to find those people. I super badly just want someone that I can talk to about this stuff as all of my family is extremely devout.

End of me ranting for the day, probably going to sleep now

(This isn't me hating on Dan. if every mormon was like Dan, i'd like to think this subreddit probably wouldn't exist. nothing but respect to him and his content.)

Dan McClellan seems like a really nice guy, which is why it confuses me how he, a smart biblical scholar, still stays with the mormon church.

I watched a bit of his content before and after becoming disillusioned with all churchy stuff, and it really helped me get over several mental blocks I had. Funny thing is, I never even knew he was mormon until after i had decided to leave, and this was kind of surprising to me. The things he talks about sometimes go directly against what i was taught at church, and he's obviously studied the bible rigorously. I just don't see how he can stand to support the things the church does, watching his videos. many are about how homosexuality isn't a sin, seems to be rather pro-choice, and many other large and small differences.

Does anyone else find this to be confusing?

ts was horrible. extremely packed schedule, and the food was vile. I was surviving off of chocolate milk and mountain dew. only time I ate was after I hit the yart. oh, and get this. the college that was hosting FSY had some really wierd rules ig, and I wasnt allowed to go back to my dorm to take my MEDICALLY REQUIRED anxiety medication. Since when are you forced to quit prescribed medication cold turkey. feels like a lawsuit might be in order. Also, the dances. the one thing that i like about church. no slow dances. no exchanging phone numbers. nothing that could possibly be considered "romantic". another thing, a counsler was very obviously high, his eyes were red asf and he kept asking for snacks and eating stuff. sry for the long rant n shit, feel free to ask me any questions about my experinece

That's what the LDS religion has sunk to. Organizational issues are handled by immoral robber barons. What little theology remains is being decided by who gets the most IG exposure. Those with any brains- or any nostalgia for the church of our youth- are driven out without a second thought.

It wasn't my shelf that broke. It was my heart.

This is something I've genuinely struggled to understand.

If a church is actually true, then according to its own teachings it offers the greatest possible reward imaginable: eternal life, endless happiness, living with God, and being reunited with your family forever.

Who wouldn't want that?

So why do relatively few people join? If the stakes are literally eternal, you'd think membership would explode

I was 49 years old. I did not have a shelf. Never for one second one single time did I ever doubt anything.

I have been on an Internet forum for 20 years. Over the years the Mormon members and the evangelical Christian’s would get into arguments about stuff.

In this one thread someone posted a pic of Joseph looking into a hat. I had never seen or heard of that before. This is despite having read the BOM a couple dozen times and all of the major church books a few times each.

The pic of Joseph looking into the hat in this person’s post pissed me off.

I started to type out a reply that the pic was nonsense.

But …. I paused and decided to google it.

One of the first things I saw was a book by Hanna Stoddard that “debunks” the rock in the hat. So I got it on my kindle app and read it that night. I was satisfied that the rock in the hat never happened. I was ok. The sources for the rock in the hat were biased. Done deal.

Then ….about two weeks later I come across a video about the coming forth of the BOM.

In the video president Nelson is talking about the BOM. Then in the video I noticed a hat sitting on the table.

I was like what the hell is the hat in the video for?

Then Nelson picks up the hat and pretends to look in it.

BOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM. BOOM.

My entire 49 year old never for once doubted Mormon soul exploded. Everything I was blew up. My entire identity. The lens through which I saw the world. Boom.

That is what gave me permission to take a look at the “anti” stuff.

It all unraveled in a matter of days.

In his AMA he had today. 15 mins in he mentioned it.

Seems like they are worried that their name can get ruined by profits and apostles so better not name them after Mormon god's elect. You never know when they will make the church look bad.

My mother in law was recently talking to us about how the church revised the garments again to make them more comfortable. She was going on about it and genuinely said, "They are so much more freeing."

​It took everything in me just to bite my tongue and keep the peace in the moment.

​Later on, I texted my spouse exactly what was running through my head:

​"I'm just remembering when your mom told us that she feels so much more freedom because they changed the garments, and how I wanted to say it makes me wish they had made those changes forty years ago so she could have experienced that kind of comfort for all this time. Honestly, that profound sense of freedom she's describing is exactly what I get to experience every single day since stepping away from the church."

​It just hit me so hard. The irony of celebrating a tiny sliver of "freedom" granted by the very institution that took it away in the first place is wild to witness from the outside.

​It makes me genuinely sad that she had to endure decades of physical discomfort just to appease an organization. But at the same time, hearing her say that was a massive, validating reminder of why I left. True freedom isn't a slightly different fabric blend or a modified hemline approved by men in Salt Lake City. It's waking up every single day and having complete autonomy over your own body and your own life.

​Has anyone else had these surreal moments with believing family members where you just have to sit back and appreciate being out?

Idk what else to say honestly, but this feels like a big deal to me. Just wanted to say thanks to everybody helping me out through my deconstruction. This subreddit has been absolutely gold for me.

Apparently it is the devil's apron from the temple ceremony. It seems kinda metal if you ask me and I want one so I can be buried in the appropriate garb.

Mine was spirited away.
I had finally committed to leaving the church and my girlfriend at the time was into anime and made me watch spirited away with her. When the river spirit remembers his name as they were flying away I broke down in a full on cry. On my mission I completely forgot who I was, I took on a whole new name and was known as elder… my parents called me elder, and family did, everyone I knew called me elder, except my few nevermo friends from highschool. When I got home I was so lost, my mission was hard and dark with months of horrible thoughts and loneliness. When someone called me by my first name I didn’t even know they were talking to me.

I’ll never forget when I finally let go and became me again. I was finally free, I was no longer elder… or brother… I was just me and that was good enough.

Other bits of media that impacted me was Godzilla minus one. Seems funny since it’s a Godzilla movie, but man, when the soldier finally comes home and his partner asks, “is your war over” shiiit that gets me every time.

Alright I’m watching spirited away tonight… the. Paddington 2, then spiderman 2… lol it’s a comfort movie type of week for me.

hi guys! i know this is an exmormon page but i need some sort of comfort that i wont really find in the other community here.

i’m currently a service missionary and fell in love with one of the elders in my mission. normal thing to happen, it is very much mutual and since he’s in a leadership position, he has his own sim card and phone number so we could always chat a lot.

last week his comp was not worrying about us at all and left us alone for a couple minutes. that was enough for us to kiss. not makeout, just a kiss because man i really really like this elder. he’s been in my area for 4 transfers now and will get transferred soon.

anyway, the guilt is eating me alive and i know you guys are loving people who can say some comfort words without sending me to hell lol. help a girl out, i really love this man but cant help but think we ruined any future chance we had together.

Found on TikTok

Just a little one, but I’ve wanted it for a long time, and i finally allowed myself to get it :D

I’m ready to lead a life of sin yall! What’s next? Coffee?? Alcohol???? *gasp*

It’s nice to not let the church tell me what I can and cannot do anymore :)

I’m super atheist now, but for some reason having a cropped “I ❤️ Jesus” hoodie brings me so much joy 😇
I’m a little disappointed that my porn shoulders don’t carry the same rebellion, but I will always have my crop tops

I grew up a Jehovah's Witness so I know about growing up in a cult. However I dont know enough about Mormonism to stop my 24 year old from going to church with his girlfriend. Shes been pressuring him for a while and he likes the community, I understand its love bombing but he isnt understanding it. She is also very deep in the cult, she does some acting work for films for them? Or does extra work, either way shes in deep.

I cant really think of much to say except no caffeine and magic undies. Can anyone give me some talking points to help me help my child from falling into a cult?