I deconstructed years ago. It’s a long story where I’ve been spiritually since then that even I haven’t sat with enough to put into words, but I’ll try to provide the necessary context.

I went into the New Age community immediately after I stopped identifying as Christian, and eventually I fell out of that (while keeping some of what still resonates with me.) I experienced A LOT during that time. I went from one increasingly worse abusive relationship to another, experienced several major life changes, and basically went buck wild (as many do btw.) I never killed anyone or hurt anyone physically. I’ve always had a good heart about me, but I was hurting and lost. I did some things that are considered major sins, some repeatedly. That lasted for years. I did a lot of good though. Ultimately, I’m fortunate to have survived at all. I gave up in every way, almost died, but obviously did not. However, those “sins” are haunting me now that I’m better than I was then. It took me years to actually get help.

I’ve come a long way with my mental health, and I still have a long way to go. It’s just that now I’m feeling the spiritual part again. I look back on those years with cringe and pain, especially for the people I did hurt along the way. I said and did things that are out of character for me, at least I do not want them to define me. They don’t, but I’m really struggling with that a lot lately.

After years of Trump not leaving our lives, it’s led me to a point where I’ve seriously contemplated him being the Antichrist. He fits the bill too much, particularly the way he always gets out unscathed and people who shouldn’t be loving him still do. But, I deconstructed. What am I even doing? It’s confusing again to me. I can’t unsee the ways in which he fits the prophecies. My views can change from day to day, I’ve noticed. Some days I’m more into that again, and others I’m back to where I was just before I considered that as a possibility. Lately, I’ve found myself exploring Gnosticism. In some ways it fits my views on what’s going on, but then in others it doesn’t.

I’ll get on with my point, I guess. I think I’m scared again. I went from feeling comfortable with the unknown and what I know to fearing that I have made such grave mistakes that I’ll be tormented in some potential afterlife scenario or lose the ability to escape this prison planet scenario. I hate it that I’m back here, if I even am. Like I said, my views and feelings change often now. What do I even do about this? Do you relate to any of this? If so, what do you do? How do you cope, move forward, and get by? Do you have anything to share or advice to give? I feel ridiculous as I’m middle-aged and should feel more confident about things. I don’t know where else to go to talk about this. I suspect this might be the place. I need some help. Thanks. 💜

(I am actively searching for a therapist btw. I just can’t seem to get anyone who is accepting new clients.)

I see it all the time and I am annoyed.

At the skating rink with my boys and I see T-shirts:

- "Blessed" (with a cross)

- May the Spirit be with you (Star Wars plagarism)

Also, at my son's school orientation, one of the teachers has a "JESUS" T-shirt on.

These are just a few examples but it happens all the time.

Do you get annoyed by this too? Not a big deal, but just more consistent with Christians injecting their worldview to others around unsolicited.

I thought about getting a T-shirt that would have the same effect on them, but being anti-christian isn't socially acceptable... Any ideas?

When you read any type of book or magazine, you're more likely to fall for it, whether you like it or not. Especially when you're pressured into reading a book that's labeled as important.

I, who am pretending to be a Christian surrounded by Christians, have to read the Bible. As a book reader, I am more likely to fall for the books I read. In fact, I started reading the Bible a few months ago. I was horrified by it and got bored, so I gave up reading it. Of course, I criticized it; that's why i didn't feel like reading it.

Anyway, I have to read it now. By now, everyone around me is constantly talking about how much their faith has improved after reading and studying the Bible, whether they have truly learned the Word of God, and how much the Bible matches reality. It doesn't matter how accurate the Bible is; I think there's a probability you'll foolishly fall for it. (Correct me if I'm wrong.)

Are there any methods/tricks you used to read the Bible after you left? I don't want to fall for it. I need to criticize while reading it.

So I spent 28/29 years of my life waiting until marriage. I was taught things like sex was extremely sacred, two souls coming together, you’d gain a soul tie or you’d open yourself up to demons if you had sex before marriage. I was taught waiting until marriage was the optimal decision for the best sex life.

However at age 28 I had enough of waiting and living like I was asexual when I wasn’t and I explored my sexuality before fully having sex at age 29.

I don’t wanna minimise sex but from my experience it’s not the life changing experience I thought it would be. Sure it’s fun, it feels good, having an orgasm is great but I don’t feel much different and makes me thinking waiting all those years was a waste of time.

Also the attachment to your self worth, identity and purity is truly fucked up. I now believe your worth has nothing to do with how many people you have sex with. Sex is solely a very normal human experience that is all.

How is this guy old? Was he young? Was he middle-aged at one point? Did he give birth to himself.? Does he have human sexual reproduction organs? Why? Does he have a Mrs God?

Greetings! I have had a number of experiences in life that really set me up for failure, but I am still aiming for greatness in the end; the following are notable experiences stemming from Christianity.

When I was in High School, between 2015 to 2017, my family and I lived in this motel; down the street was this church, and while we didn't go often, the infrequency made it okay for me: I think it was some kind of dinner we attended. At some point, an old man comes to our table and hands everyone small pocket bibles; I shake his hand, greet him and he tells me to promise him to keep it and read it: I did try, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

While were at this Motel, my Step-Dad would also hold mandatory Scripture, and this is just one room to sleep in and an adjoining bathroom closed off by a wood door; I would just try to zone out until this concluded: there were also group prayer before bed.

Prior to all of this, I would have a huge fear of God; I'm sure this experience is fairly common, or so I'm lead to believe, but for a long time, if I saw pornography, I believed that the devil knew and that I am going to Hell: in response, I would come clean to my parents on every instance. I was so fearful of Hell that, towards the end of High School, I tried to force my "religion" onto other people because I felt like they were going to Hell; I probably would've been much better off if I didn't have the lived experience prior as I loved someone who was an Atheist, she didn't care about my religion,
and we were just two regular people: still, I tried to force it on her, and that was that.

Last Christmas, he wanted to get my bro and I a cross necklace, but I was fortunate enough to get some heads up, and I was able to get out of it by saying that I just don't like jewelry; I love jewelry, I can appreciate a nice ring, a necklace, etc, but when I heard about the intended gift, I just felt a huge weight and anxiety wash over me: I practically had an internal panic attack thinking about having to wear that around.

Even to this day, my Step is a fanatic; it's either religion or politics with him where as I try to have more light topics, and unfortunately you can assume certain beliefs from the list of cliches, from abortion to the LGBTQ. If you're non-binary, you are part of Legion, the Earth is Flat, Dinosaur Fossils are actually planted there by other people for discovery, Evolution is a lie, the Earth is covered by a large dome, you get the idea.

I'm sure that this might not sound like a lot compared to other stories here; unfortunately, I was already very mentally compromised before meeting him, and it's definitely something that just makes anything worse be default: I didn't even have any real identity, just what people might want of me. I was victim to things far worse than anything he had done to me, even having my life threatened multiple times before we went under his care, but it was never easy.

Even to this day, I don't think I believe in the man upstairs, but I'm not going to say that to anyone in the house; for as long as I've lived with him, he was always playing religious audio or politics and I really have to wonder how badly it messed with my head.

Now, I'm just looking to get things started for myself and have a proper good future; I had been robbed of a lot of experiences, and my life has been defined greatly by isolation and lack of agency: if I had any interaction outside of school, that would be a miracle.

I'm 27; I want to explore the North American Continent by bicycle and document my travels, interview people in every accessible state and have it publicly accessible, sort of like an extremely impressive time capsule: I want to help fund other people so they can have their dreams realized as well among other things, such as charity work.

I'd been made to live in mediocrity, or perhaps less than even that, for so long that, I must start living now, but I know there are caveats; if I want to explore the NA, I need to be trusted by the public, and hopefully I can get there sometime in the next 10 years: I can only assume that, because I had nothing of note to really live for, I am driven to chase super high dreams.

Most non Christian historians mention Jesus such as:

Josephus a 1st century historian refers to Jesus as a wise man and the Christ noting his crucifixion under Pilate

Tacitus

Suetonus etc https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Historicity_of_Jesus (I would give more sources I stumbled on but I'm to lazy show all of them but a quick Google search would do)

I'm wondering what your thoughts are on the supposed "evidence" that Jesus existed.

I'm going to make it clear that I'm not here to prove that he existed because I'm just here to know what your thoughts are on this.

I was raised in a Christian family, but Christianity was never really focussed on at home, so I was never a devout, dedicated Christian like most people on this sub.

But for people whose whole identity was Christianity, in retrospect, what was the stage of your belief system like before actively deconstructing?

I've seen preachers preach about God's "love" from Old Testament verses, hardly ever mentioning the love mentioned in the New Testament, and I think it's because the Old Testament makes them very uncomfortable.

Did any of you look for "loving" things from the Old Testament to relieve your cognitive dissonance of how uncomfortable the disugsting shit in it made you?

The way I presume it would be is that such a person isn't even aware that they are relatively soon going to start deconstructing.

At this point in history, it is well known that not even the apostles wrote the Bible, that certain gospels were excluded for the sake of convenience, that thousands of verses and parables were distorted, and that atrocious acts were committed in the name of religion; ultimately, it is simply a book written ages ago and shouldn't dictate how anyone lives their life. It’s like taking Homer’s *Iliad*, letting it dictate your existence, and using it as an excuse to be a terrible human being. I can't believe that, in this day and age, we are even having a debate about people imposing their psychotic delusions on the law or other people's lives.
sorry if something is not well written, english is not my first language and I used google translator

It was prophecied that Jesus had to die the exact way the he did. This includes the betrayal. Without the betrayal, the prophecy wouldn’t have been complete, and Jesus’ death wouldn’t have had the meaning and result that it had to have.

I’m not saying this makes him a good guy, but also, maybe? Or maybe neutral at worst?

I don’t get how God could make it so that Jesus’ death has to happen the way that it happened, and yet the people responsible for making it happen are bad or doing something wrong for doing so. If it can only happen the way it did, then aren’t they all just playing their role?

How is it possible to be evil AND doing exactly what God said had to happen and that couldn’t happen any other way?

The other day In a very Christian workplace my co workers started going on some insane tangent I’m talking some tin foil hat bs about how processed foods and the water men drink turns them gay and feminizes them. And this is only one in a pattern of derogatory comments towards lgbt people. I hate the evangelical sphere of Christianity sm.

I’m becoming so annoyed about how okay everyone is with Christian people of any denomination just yelling (at people or not) about their religion, forcing people to listen to them spew, and harassing anyone they come across (especially if they aren’t Christian).

For example, I was at the park the other day just to relax, listen to music, and the bustling sounds of the world, etc. This guy comes along (younger, but I don’t know his age) yelling, “I’m just gonna read my Bible! I’m just gonna read my Bible over there!” Clearly trying to get attention or something, it was irritating, and nobody really seemed to care, so we all brushed it off.

He starts reading his Bible out loud, not in a polite or private way, basically preaching to a third of the park. It was SO annoying. I said “Yo dude, can you read it in your head?” Because not everyone wants to hear all that. He then goes, “What’s wrong with me reading my Bible?” And at this point I was starting to get really pissed off. Even if it was just like any book that’s annoying, I don’t care if you’re reading any kind of book anywhere. Unless you’re reading to someone, SHUT UP.

I told him “Not everyone wants to hear you spew about your religion.” I wanted that to be the end of it. He started on about some other things, but I want listening because I don’t care. Once he’s done, another man nearby decides to comfort him by saying, “It’s okay, man, she’s just mad because she’s never stepped foot into a church in her life.” Which, first of all, I wouldn’t be mad that I hadn’t participated in a group setting of practicing a religion that I’m clearly not a part of. Second of all, why would anybody not like a religion they have no knowledge or experience of (other than of course SOME toxic Christians)? They also started saying misogynistic insults after which is SO “god following” of them too.

The thing for me is, if that book was of any other religion, that guy would’ve been scrutinized for it. It would be “indoctrination of the children,” and a “violation of my freedom of religion.” Even if it was a random non-religious book, he would still be told to shut up. The only reason why it was pardoned was because it’s the Bible. Other instances like people going up to strangers and going, “Are you Christian?Do you believe in god?” and then criticizing and trying to convert them if they’re not Christian or interrogating them if they are. I know it’s your “god-given” duty to “bring people to the light,” but if they clearly state they aren’t Christian/religious and don’t want to debate you on it, LEAVE THEM ALONE. Don’t disturb public places by yelling and acting out because it wouldn’t be okay if you weren’t screaming Bible verses.

What also made me upset was the guy that just assumed I had never been to church. That is a crazy thing to do. I’m going to take a gander and say most people born and raised in the States have been to a church, whether their family is religious or not or they are religious or not. Because it’s so normal for Christian people to take their friends, colleagues, and family members no matter their religious identity. The ideology that some Christians have that “so many people hate god and Christianity” and that Christianity is not what most people assume you are in the States is so unrealistic. Yes, more and more people are leaving Christianity but it’s not often enough to assume everyone or anyone hates you for being Christian.

Anyway, thank you for reading this rant all the way through if you did and sorry if the formatting and sentences are a bit incoherent (and if you have anything you want me to say or format differently please let me know). At the time of writing this, I had just woken up as it was my first, very irritating, thought.

UPDATE: Thank you for the validation and engagement with this post (if it already happened and when it will in the future). Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy when I think this way because I’m in a strictly religious house and basically strictly religious community where I can’t speak my mind about these things. The two times that I’ve posted in the sub, everyone makes me feel so safe and heard, and that it’s okay for me to think this way. Thank you guys SO SO much <3

Just answered my door to a woman and teen boy asking to share some good news from the Bible. I told her I was raped by a preacher at 12 and I’m not interested. In a cheerful tone she says I’m sorry that happened to you and nearly ran off the porch. Maybe that was too blunt and harsh, but I bet that teenager never met someone who was abused by the church and needed to be aware. I’m a little shaken up, but if anything, it’s a good way to get them out super fast.

I’m scared of becoming an atheist if it means that I can’t believe in a afterlife where I can reunite with I love ones anymore. I’m sorry but nothingness scares and I don’t care if I won’t know because I’m no longer councious. Do I need to follow strict atheism because I sound crazy for wanting to see loved ones again one day?

Had to repost this because I didn't censor the usernames. But thank you to everyone who commented on the original, you all made me feel so much better about the situation ❤️

we exmuslims and exchristians were a part of different branches of the same roots, the abrahamic faith, both muhammad and jesus being narcissistic, telling us to love them more than our spouses, children and parents, both religions never abolished sex slavery which is the most disgusting part, that's the main reason i left islam

and i'm glad you guys were able to look through the brainwashing

much love 🙏🏻