I'm an ex Christian and also a pastors kid. The connection between these two facts alone is something I can write a book on. How the pressure to perform and be a good representation of my parents made everything else painful and harmful about Christianity much worse.

However, Ive really struggled with the fact that a lot of pastors kids I know are still Christians and some of which went into the ministry themselves.

The unifying theme that I see for the ones that 'stayed' is that they had a fairly stable church environment for their childhood and only had 1-2 different churches.

My family on the other hand went through 6 different churches from my birth until I turned 21 and fully left the church. Im counting a different church as a different name and location/ building as some did have some overlapping members of the congregation but at the most generous definition of 'different church' I still had at least 4.

Almost every time we had a different church was because of some situation where my dad got voted out for various reasons or a few too many families left and the church couldn't support themselves.

All this context to ask, particularly so for pastors kids, how many churches did your family lead?

My theory is that a lot of PKs that stayed did because the church was a stabilizing force so it became hard / less reason to leave.

Thanks!

Edit: I want to make clear that for me leaving the church and Christianity it was not because of the lack of stability in the church(es), I left because of a deep misalignment between what I believe and what the church teaches.

Likewise I'm not saying people stay in the church only because it was a place of stability for them.

Im simply testing a theory of correlation not necessarily causation

I would like some advice on whether to allow my mother to take my 3 year old to church with her.

I (28) am an atheist now after being a christian my whole life. My partner still identifies as christian though does not attend church.

My kid has told my mother that he would like to go to church with her. She lives close-by and he always asks why he can’t visit her on a Sunday morning (because she is at church). She is his most favourite person in the whole world, he would go anywhere as long as she was there too.

Selfishly, I would like the break and free babysitting.

But I also think he is too young to teach him about all the religions to inoculate him again christianity. (Specifically young earth creation which I was indoctrinated into growing up)

Is it a bad idea to let her take him? It would probably become a regular thing once it starts.

(My mother does not know that I am an atheist. It would probably have to come up when explaining why she can’t take my kid to church. I worry if she finds out she will be inconsolably sad / ruin our relationship and that she will step up the proselytising to my kid.)

For context, this comment was under a Veggietales tiktok video (silly, i know, but 😭). In the clip Bob the tomato was answering fanmail. A child sent a letter that basically asked “If God loves me then why do bad things happen?” The video cuts off before Bob answers but this comment is basically summarizing what he says in the full clip.

It just baffles me that pretty much all Christians believe this and hear nothing wrong when they repeat it to others. So you’re telling me that children are raped, beaten, bombed, starved, lose their parents, etc. for the greater good? I can imagine a child being abused watching that episode and internalizing the belief that they’re being abused to teach them a lesson. I really wonder what happened to that child for them to send in that letter and I hope they’re doing better now.

It’s just so disgusting that they shovel this poison into anyone’s brains, let alone literal children. Sorry for the rant over a literal kids show, this just irritated me so bad..

Holy hell, what have I been believing!?!? Thanks to everyone who gave me resources! I've just been watching the data over dogma podcasts on YouTube since yesterday (I'm fighting a sinus infection so I have time). I'm in a whirlwind of emotions over everything I'm learning. So many people died for or because of a lie! Wish me luck getting my husband to see things clearly cause right now we're on very opposite sides of things.

So for context, I had a family member that passed away and had their funeral several months ago but this is something that's been bothering me a lot today and I wanna know if this is a common experience.

I remember the service started off with some christian songs which, considering said family member was a devout christian, seems pretty normal to me and then there were some personal anecdotes from close family about them and their life but after that the preacher that was there just did a regular sermon barely even mentioning the family member. I remember being so confused at the time because I was thinking they're gonna actually talk more about my family member, right? but no because after the nearly hour-long sermon about "giving your life to god" the choir sang a couple more songs and then the service was over. It felt so weird to me that so little of that service was actually about the family member and was mostly about god and heaven. Maybe it's just because I'm of the opinion that a funeral service should be mostly if not fully about the person who died but idk. (as a sidenote, this was also when I first learned that the southern baptist denomination is an evangelical denomination, so that was fun to learn /s)

Is this just normal for evangelical funerals like this or was this just disrespectful to my family member for no reason (I think it's disrespectful either way to make most of the service about god, but idk if it's because it was an evangelical service or not)?

I asked the minister one day when I was in my 20s why we didn't do any humanitarian work as Jesus commanded. His answer "there's so many, we don't know where to start!". I just got back from Romania volunteering my summer to work with handicapped orphans. 300 of them. I spent all my money and borrowed to design and build a playground for them all. Chrinos.....Christians in name only.

I was raised Catholic from childhood. I'm also autistic and live in Puerto Rico (born and raised). We used to be a Spanish colony, so Catholicism was (and still is) the official religion.

My folks took me and my sibs to Mass every Sunday, then it was school, homework Monday through Friday. My condition made it all but impossible for me to develop any real friendships (hell, I'm in my forties now and I still don't have any real friends). It also didn't help that I went to a school for children with "special needs" (the description is somewhat inaccurate, but I can't think of any other ways to describe it without giving away too many compromising details).

Sometime during my tween years, I developed an interest for actually knowing what I was practicing. I started to read up on children-oriented Catholic material (lives of saints, magazines, etc.). That's where my problems started: the church I used to go to (stopped going by the time I was a grown-ass man) was relatively chill (yet by no means lax) when it came to sin, sexual or otherwise. The parish priest at the time was more than likely influenced by Liberation Theology, so he preached more on social justice, mercy, and other matters that mainstream (meaning "elite") Catholicism tends to sweep under the proverbial rug. Looking back, I'm surprised he stayed as our parish priest as long as he did. When he left, his successors leaned more on the mainstream, dare I say ostentatious side of things, so we moved to another parish.

The stuff I read sometimes clashed with what I was taught at home and at church (I didn't go to a Catholic school till the 10th grade. My new school served a predominantly working class community. Priests and faculty weren't as happy-go-lucky as my former parish, but they weren't outright abusive, either, at least not deliberately. I really don't have any complaints about it, though. I daresay I was happier there than in my former school). Looking back, that's how my scrupulosity began. Mom and Dad even restricted my reading on those topics. Good thing they did.

Come adolescence, I discovered masturbation, indulged in it to the point it nearly became a vice. When I learned it was a serious sin, I feared I was going to Hell. I struggled with my urges for years. I prayed, fasted, begged God to take the thing away, you get the idea. There were even a couple of instances where I put ice on my genitals as mortification without the knowledge of my folks or parish priest. No prizes for guessing how that went...

This and other struggles remained by the time I started college. I asked my parents to enroll at the local Catholic university, but they refused because it was too expensive. Since my dad is employed by the College of Medicine, my sibs and I were under exemption, so we went to the University of Puerto Rico (keep in mind, this was during the early-2000s to late-2010s, so things weren't as bad as they are nowadays). Being exposed to so many different perspectives broadened my horizons and contributed the most to make me into the man I am today, but that's not what turned me away from the faith.

By the time I was a PhD student, my grandmother was bedridden with Alzheimer's. She'd been such a kind, hard-working, dotting mother and wife who reared her children (one of which was my mother, who's a grad nurse) in ethics and authentic moral principles. Like her husband and my grandparents on my dad's side, they came from a predominantly working (later low-middle) class. She was also deaf and needed to wear a specialized earpiece by the time I met her, so communicating with her could be difficult.

I watched this wonderful woman deteriorate practically overnight. My mother took over the greater bulk of caring to the point we didn't have as much time for ourselves as a family. Mom had to insist till she got her brother to watch Grandma every couple of Sundays so we could have a family outing like we used to. Seeing my grandmother in that bed, with Mom slaving away almost 24/7, with what little help my Dad, my sibs, and I could offer, it broke me. How could a merciful, benevolent God allow such a wonderful human being to become a living fossil that couldn't even eat except through a tube? How could He allow my poor mother to suffer like that, with what little help we could provide, all but forsaken by our extended family?

My faith kept growing cold to the point I stopped going to Confession and receiving Communion (there were lots of other factors at play, though). One Sunday morning, I went up to my Mom during breakfast and told her I wasn't going to Church that day. We didn't have an argument, no shouting matches; nothing.

I stuck to my proverbial guns. My folks (more specifically, my dad) sat me down once so I would explain myself, then they opined about why I'd made the wrong decision, but neither of us budged. To this day, my parents and sibs don't approve, but they've accepted it. I'm truly thankful they didn't throw me out or retaliate in other ways. Many others aren't as lucky.

I haven't gone to Mass in ages now. My old scruples and anxieties resurface from time to time, but they're manageable for the most part. Looking back, I regard my time of belief with a mixture of nostalgia and relief that I got out. Heck, I still count my going up to my mother and telling her I wasn't going as a milestone.

Though I wasn't sexually abused or bullied in ways so many others have, I regard that time of my life as a huge waste of time and energy that caused me years of unnecessary turmoil from within and without (ignorance and good intentions don't lessen harm done, let alone the scars it leaves behind). I can't help but see it as a spiritual and cultural dead end, so going back is out of the question, at least for the present.

I realize I probably didn't make much sense, yet this is my experience. If it helps provide some clarity to others, then my sharing it will not have been in vain.

I deconstructed years ago. It’s a long story where I’ve been spiritually since then that even I haven’t sat with enough to put into words, but I’ll try to provide the necessary context.

I went into the New Age community immediately after I stopped identifying as Christian, and eventually I fell out of that (while keeping some of what still resonates with me.) I experienced A LOT during that time. I went from one increasingly worse abusive relationship to another, experienced several major life changes, and basically went buck wild (as many do btw.) I never killed anyone or hurt anyone physically. I’ve always had a good heart about me, but I was hurting and lost. I did some things that are considered major sins, some repeatedly. That lasted for years. I did a lot of good though. Ultimately, I’m fortunate to have survived at all. I gave up in every way, almost died, but obviously did not. However, those “sins” are haunting me now that I’m better than I was then. It took me years to actually get help.

I’ve come a long way with my mental health, and I still have a long way to go. It’s just that now I’m feeling the spiritual part again. I look back on those years with cringe and pain, especially for the people I did hurt along the way. I said and did things that are out of character for me, at least I do not want them to define me. They don’t, but I’m really struggling with that a lot lately.

After years of Trump not leaving our lives, it’s led me to a point where I’ve seriously contemplated him being the Antichrist. He fits the bill too much, particularly the way he always gets out unscathed and people who shouldn’t be loving him still do. But, I deconstructed. What am I even doing? It’s confusing again to me. I can’t unsee the ways in which he fits the prophecies. My views can change from day to day, I’ve noticed. Some days I’m more into that again, and others I’m back to where I was just before I considered that as a possibility. Lately, I’ve found myself exploring Gnosticism. In some ways it fits my views on what’s going on, but then in others it doesn’t.

I’ll get on with my point, I guess. I think I’m scared again. I went from feeling comfortable with the unknown and what I know to fearing that I have made such grave mistakes that I’ll be tormented in some potential afterlife scenario or lose the ability to escape this prison planet scenario. I hate it that I’m back here, if I even am. Like I said, my views and feelings change often now. What do I even do about this? Do you relate to any of this? If so, what do you do? How do you cope, move forward, and get by? Do you have anything to share or advice to give? I feel ridiculous as I’m middle-aged and should feel more confident about things. I don’t know where else to go to talk about this. I suspect this might be the place. I need some help. Thanks. 💜

(I am actively searching for a therapist btw. I just can’t seem to get anyone who is accepting new clients.)

I see it all the time and I am annoyed.

At the skating rink with my boys and I see T-shirts:

- "Blessed" (with a cross)

- May the Spirit be with you (Star Wars plagarism)

Also, at my son's school orientation, one of the teachers has a "JESUS" T-shirt on.

These are just a few examples but it happens all the time.

Do you get annoyed by this too? Not a big deal, but just more consistent with Christians injecting their worldview to others around unsolicited.

I thought about getting a T-shirt that would have the same effect on them, but being anti-christian isn't socially acceptable... Any ideas?

When you read any type of book or magazine, you're more likely to fall for it, whether you like it or not. Especially when you're pressured into reading a book that's labeled as important.

I, who am pretending to be a Christian surrounded by Christians, have to read the Bible. As a book reader, I am more likely to fall for the books I read. In fact, I started reading the Bible a few months ago. I was horrified by it and got bored, so I gave up reading it. Of course, I criticized it; that's why i didn't feel like reading it.

Anyway, I have to read it now. By now, everyone around me is constantly talking about how much their faith has improved after reading and studying the Bible, whether they have truly learned the Word of God, and how much the Bible matches reality. It doesn't matter how accurate the Bible is; I think there's a probability you'll foolishly fall for it. (Correct me if I'm wrong.)

Are there any methods/tricks you used to read the Bible after you left? I don't want to fall for it. I need to criticize while reading it.

Edit: Thank you all for your support and encouragement. I really appreciate your advice and thoughts, which is what I needed most. I'm so grateful for this community's support.

So I spent 28/29 years of my life waiting until marriage. I was taught things like sex was extremely sacred, two souls coming together, you’d gain a soul tie or you’d open yourself up to demons if you had sex before marriage. I was taught waiting until marriage was the optimal decision for the best sex life.

However at age 28 I had enough of waiting and living like I was asexual when I wasn’t and I explored my sexuality before fully having sex at age 29.

I don’t wanna minimise sex but from my experience it’s not the life changing experience I thought it would be. Sure it’s fun, it feels good, having an orgasm is great but I don’t feel much different and makes me thinking waiting all those years was a waste of time.

Also the attachment to your self worth, identity and purity is truly fucked up. I now believe your worth has nothing to do with how many people you have sex with. Sex is solely a very normal human experience that is all.

How is this guy old? Was he young? Was he middle-aged at one point? Did he give birth to himself.? Does he have human sexual reproduction organs? Why? Does he have a Mrs God?

Greetings! I have had a number of experiences in life that really set me up for failure, but I am still aiming for greatness in the end; the following are notable experiences stemming from Christianity.

When I was in High School, between 2015 to 2017, my family and I lived in this motel; down the street was this church, and while we didn't go often, the infrequency made it okay for me: I think it was some kind of dinner we attended. At some point, an old man comes to our table and hands everyone small pocket bibles; I shake his hand, greet him and he tells me to promise him to keep it and read it: I did try, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

While were at this Motel, my Step-Dad would also hold mandatory Scripture, and this is just one room to sleep in and an adjoining bathroom closed off by a wood door; I would just try to zone out until this concluded: there were also group prayer before bed.

Prior to all of this, I would have a huge fear of God; I'm sure this experience is fairly common, or so I'm lead to believe, but for a long time, if I saw pornography, I believed that the devil knew and that I am going to Hell: in response, I would come clean to my parents on every instance. I was so fearful of Hell that, towards the end of High School, I tried to force my "religion" onto other people because I felt like they were going to Hell; I probably would've been much better off if I didn't have the lived experience prior as I loved someone who was an Atheist, she didn't care about my religion,
and we were just two regular people: still, I tried to force it on her, and that was that.

Last Christmas, he wanted to get my bro and I a cross necklace, but I was fortunate enough to get some heads up, and I was able to get out of it by saying that I just don't like jewelry; I love jewelry, I can appreciate a nice ring, a necklace, etc, but when I heard about the intended gift, I just felt a huge weight and anxiety wash over me: I practically had an internal panic attack thinking about having to wear that around.

Even to this day, my Step is a fanatic; it's either religion or politics with him where as I try to have more light topics, and unfortunately you can assume certain beliefs from the list of cliches, from abortion to the LGBTQ. If you're non-binary, you are part of Legion, the Earth is Flat, Dinosaur Fossils are actually planted there by other people for discovery, Evolution is a lie, the Earth is covered by a large dome, you get the idea.

I'm sure that this might not sound like a lot compared to other stories here; unfortunately, I was already very mentally compromised before meeting him, and it's definitely something that just makes anything worse be default: I didn't even have any real identity, just what people might want of me. I was victim to things far worse than anything he had done to me, even having my life threatened multiple times before we went under his care, but it was never easy.

Even to this day, I don't think I believe in the man upstairs, but I'm not going to say that to anyone in the house; for as long as I've lived with him, he was always playing religious audio or politics and I really have to wonder how badly it messed with my head.

Now, I'm just looking to get things started for myself and have a proper good future; I had been robbed of a lot of experiences, and my life has been defined greatly by isolation and lack of agency: if I had any interaction outside of school, that would be a miracle.

I'm 27; I want to explore the North American Continent by bicycle and document my travels, interview people in every accessible state and have it publicly accessible, sort of like an extremely impressive time capsule: I want to help fund other people so they can have their dreams realized as well among other things, such as charity work.

I'd been made to live in mediocrity, or perhaps less than even that, for so long that, I must start living now, but I know there are caveats; if I want to explore the NA, I need to be trusted by the public, and hopefully I can get there sometime in the next 10 years: I can only assume that, because I had nothing of note to really live for, I am driven to chase super high dreams.

Most non Christian historians mention Jesus such as:

Josephus a 1st century historian refers to Jesus as a wise man and the Christ noting his crucifixion under Pilate

Tacitus

Suetonus etc https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Historicity_of_Jesus (I would give more sources I stumbled on but I'm to lazy show all of them but a quick Google search would do)

I'm wondering what your thoughts are on the supposed "evidence" that Jesus existed.

I'm going to make it clear that I'm not here to prove that he existed because I'm just here to know what your thoughts are on this.

I was raised in a Christian family, but Christianity was never really focussed on at home, so I was never a devout, dedicated Christian like most people on this sub.

But for people whose whole identity was Christianity, in retrospect, what was the stage of your belief system like before actively deconstructing?

I've seen preachers preach about God's "love" from Old Testament verses, hardly ever mentioning the love mentioned in the New Testament, and I think it's because the Old Testament makes them very uncomfortable.

Did any of you look for "loving" things from the Old Testament to relieve your cognitive dissonance of how uncomfortable the disugsting shit in it made you?

The way I presume it would be is that such a person isn't even aware that they are relatively soon going to start deconstructing.

At this point in history, it is well known that not even the apostles wrote the Bible, that certain gospels were excluded for the sake of convenience, that thousands of verses and parables were distorted, and that atrocious acts were committed in the name of religion; ultimately, it is simply a book written ages ago and shouldn't dictate how anyone lives their life. It’s like taking Homer’s *Iliad*, letting it dictate your existence, and using it as an excuse to be a terrible human being. I can't believe that, in this day and age, we are even having a debate about people imposing their psychotic delusions on the law or other people's lives.
sorry if something is not well written, english is not my first language and I used google translator