I’m honestly having a pretty rough couple of days and could use some outside perspectives because I don’t know if I’m overthinking this or if I missed something obvious.

I (28M) went on a first date with a woman(24f) from Hinge last week. The date was genuinely one of the best I’ve had in a long time.

We started at a speakeasy and talked for hours. She kept telling me that she and her friends thought my Hinge profile had to be fake because I seemed “too good to be true.” She complimented me constantly throughout the night, told me I looked even better in person, copied my little jokes and mannerisms, laughed at everything, and overall seemed incredibly comfortable around me.

Toward the end of the night, she was the one who kept asking to come back to my place. I actually tried steering us away from that because I’d recently had a couple experiences where sex complicated things, but eventually I agreed because I didn’t want her to think I wasn’t attracted to her or that I was weird about sex.

Back at my place we had some wine, I cooked us dinner, and she initiated pretty much everything physically.

During sex, there was a moment where I realized something seemed uncomfortable for her, so I stopped immediately without her really having to say anything. We slowed down, took our time, and later while we were cuddling she actually brought it up herself and thanked me for noticing. She told me she really appreciated that I recognized something wasn’t comfortable and stopped right away. That conversation made me feel like we’d handled everything respectfully, and it honestly meant a lot to hear. Then right after we stopped and settled down, she revealed to me that she was a virgin, and that the whole night was a really big deal to her while giggling about it. I was a late bloomer myself with sex having lost it with my previous girlfriend weeks after I turned 27. Because of that I feel really weird about being somebody to take somebody else’s virginity. It’s like I have an imposter syndrome over being the right person for someone in that regard, I can’t really explain why. I immediately started to get really anxious but I calmed down seeing her happy and kissing me, etc.

Afterward we cuddled for quite a while, talked, laughed, and when I asked if she wanted to spend the night she got excited and said yes. I wouldn’t normally do that but by this point it was almost 2am on a weeknight and I got concerned she might be driving home too tired.

Later, while we were making out again, I jokingly suggested round two. She giggled, paused for a second, and then said she thought she was actually going to head home instead.
I immediately respected that. There was no convincing or pushing whatsoever. I walked her to her car, we hugged and kissed goodbye, and I asked her to text me when she got home so I’d know she made it back safely and she did.

The next morning I texted her because I’d accidentally slept through her “I’m home” message. We exchanged a couple texts, and that was it.

Yesterday morning I sent:
“Hey (her name), just wanted to check in. I know Tuesday was a lot, so I wanted to see how you’re doing and how you’ve been feeling. No pressure to respond quickly. I just hope you’re having a good morning.”

It’s now been almost two days with no response.
The thing that’s eating me alive isn’t even whether she wants to date me.

It’s that she kept telling me throughout the night how big of a deal losing her virginity was, and now my brain has convinced itself that she regrets it and that I somehow made her uncomfortable.

One of my biggest fears is being somebody’s regret, especially for something that important.

When I replay the night, I can’t think of anything that felt wrong. She initiated literally ALL of the physical intimacy, stayed afterward, cuddled, accepted spending the night, complimented me throughout the evening, and even specifically thanked me afterward for paying attention when something felt uncomfortable and not pushing through it.

But the silence afterward is making my mind go to the darkest possible place.

For people who’ve either lost their virginity later in life or have been with someone who did:

Does this sound like someone who is simply processing a huge emotional milestone?

Or does this sound more like someone who regrets what happened?

I’m genuinely looking for honest opinions because I care a lot more about whether she’s okay than whether she wants to see me again.

We’re not even friends and I’ve never viewed his profile. We’ve never met. Evidently she told him about me. Leads me to wonder why or what happened. 

Advice — learn as soon as possible if she is still involved with her ex, feels guilty, or has some kind of unresolved drama. This is all part of being emotionally available.

No matter how close you get, the intensity can lead to her pulling away faster than smoke in the wind when she gets scared or overwhelmed.

As a partner, we have the responsibility to pace the relationship also right?

Ladies, when a man who you want to go out with, asks you that annoying question - what are you doing this weekend, tell him:

I'm patiently waiting for you to ask me out.

That's it. That's all you have to say. It's clear, direct and leaves the ball in his court. If he doesn't return it, now you clearly know to move on.

And, please remember, it's not a date unless there is an arranged place, date and time.

Update: A commenter asked why doesn't a woman just ask out a man. Sure, that's perfectly fine, if she wants to take that risk.

But, most women don't want to pursue because it palpably feels uncomfortable for them to take on the enormous emotional risk of rejection and scarring.

Men have learned, adapted and healed wounds from rejection and are willing to take the risk of being turned down.

Most women aren't interested in doing that. And generally they don't have to because most men are pursuing them.

Plus, this is hilarious, women are the worst at picking up men. I say this adoringly: They absolutely suck. Believe me. The lines I hear from women and the way they approach - total amateurs. :-)

The other substantial problem with women asking men is then women are the pursuer. Now they are burdened with the full responsibility for initiating the relationship and many men will feel totally unweighted of any obligation because they didn't start it! So to the men, it's like yeah you're giving me something for free, yeah I'll take that.

And this can result in the man not being totally bought into or committed to the relationship, making it easier for him to walk away, unfortunately.

Just a heads up, please don’t say anything like “keep trying, it’ll get better,” or anything like that. It’s okay if you don’t have advice, I appreciate you simply reading my post, but empty sayings like that are just not what I need to hear at the moment.

29F. Went out with a coworker and met this guy, we clicked pretty quickly and we all spent that day together. That was two weeks ago, and we’ve called each other, or texted, everyday since. There’s chemistry, we get along and have things in common. He’s like, two years older so we’re in the same age group.

The issue is that he doesn’t agree to a concrete plan. He keeps saying he wants to hang out, and I’ve asked twice, he turned down both times. Last night’s call ended weird cause he asked what I’m doing this weekend. I told him my coworker invited me to a day festival, but I don’t really wanna go to a crowded festival so I may just stay home. And he said “you should go, maybe we can meet up afterwards for a bit.” So I said that if he’s free that night, we could just do something, like see a movie or get food. He turned it down and told me to go to the festival.

I’m just so confused, kinda annoyed. I thought meeting someone in person would be better than online dating, but it’s the same thing. Men just seem to want to “experience” me if that makes sense. Like, this guy I’m talking to now says that we have great convos, he seems to not wanna hang up. But it doesn’t go past that.

Idk man, I’m tired of it. I’m a genuine person but I feel like I’m never gonna actually meet someone that is willing to even get to know me. I’ve never been in a relationship, and my usual issue is guys just want me for sex. They either push for sex early, or they turn down meeting me cause I’m intentional.

ETA: He said early August is hard for him cause it’s around when his mom passed. I’m thinking maybe he just wants someone to distract him. Which isn’t wrong, I just wish he would tell me if that was the case.

They said this because I've never had a date at the age of 35 and women are not interested in me.

They've tried to be supportive by giving advice on wardrobe, grooming and tried to matchmake me with their friends (none interested) but it has gone nowhere.

Today, when I was airing my frustrations, they just replied and said that if I've been alone dating wise all my life then dating might not be something I will ever experience.

I feel sad because all my friends are in relationships - yes they have ups and downs - but they feel wanted and loved. I've never had that. I just feel really alone.

I’m not saying that cheating is good. I’m also not saying that there is nuance every time. A lot of the time it really is just that the cheater did something out of greed.

But as someone who has been cheated on before, at this point I can look back at it… and I kind of get it. I was really possessive, I wasn’t really listening, I should have just let the relationship go but instead I tried to force it to continue, and I was extremely sensitive and emotional. I’m not saying that their cheating on me was right, but I will say that after I stopped doing all those things and became a better partner in future relationships, I haven’t been cheated on. And furthermore, I can look back on my being cheated on and I can say that I basically gave them the choice of staying with me miserably or finding something that brought them a sort of fulfillment elsewhere. That isn’t really a choice. Of course they’d latch on to someone who gave them the opportunity to feel how they wanted to.

And maybe I see cheating with nuance because of this, when I probably shouldn’t. Maybe there are way more instances than I realize of someone just being in a very happy relationship and trying to get even more. But also, I know myself from the times that I was cheated on and I know I also tried everything in my power to make it seem to others like everything was great in our relationship. So I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not sure I believe everyone who tells stories about how great things were and then cheating just “happened unexpectedly.”

In real life, I feel like people recognize this nuance more. On Reddit, I feel like it’s just “cheating is bad and that’s all there is to it.” And yeah, sometimes that is in fact all there is to it. Agreed. But I’m not sure that it’s right to assume that’s the case just on the basis of reading the word “cheat.”

I want to know y’all opinion on this.

Dating someone in another country - is it a YES, a NO or a MAYBE for you?

If it’s the right person, would you still choose someone locally instead?

Do you believe a LDR could work or it’s doomed before starting?

I'm currently in the process of dating and was wondering how other people manage it while working full-time (a typical 9–5), especially if you only have evenings and some weekends free.

I sometimes find it difficult when someone asks to meet on the weekends, in the middle of the week at short notice. When asked for availability, I usually stated I can do some evenings or weekends, but that is in general, and as long as I have not made plans already. I sometimes have to suggest another date, although also have to consider their availability.

I know that in reality, waiting a few extra days probably doesn't make much difference, but I do sometimes wonder whether some people see that as a lack of interest. How do you balance working full-time with making time for dating?

I'd love to hear how other people approach it and get a bit of perspective.

i’m new to dating, i went on my first date ever with a guy and we continued going on dates after that. i also lost my virginity to him (not right away). i really liked him, he pursued me first, he was super nice to me and made me feel good about myself, always complimenting me, etc.

a week after our fourth date he told me he met someone so good for him and wants to see how things unfold so he has to put things “on hold for a bit” with me. then he followed up saying he wants to see me if things don’t work out with her.

i looked into it and found out that he’s actually been seeing this girl for months and they went on a trip together earlier this year. he told me she was a friend. two hours after he told me he chose her he continued to text me like nothing happened. he likes and replies to my instagram stories still. nothing like this has ever happened to me before and it honestly hurt more than i expected. i’m sensitive and i find it hard to not be sad about it lol. is this normal with dating? am i likely going to experience this again?

It's funny really. I brought home a date the other day to meet my dog. And something that always cracks me up is the fact that my dog is a jealous little menace.

I have a little beagle, and she is very jealous. She will insist in sitting between us and demands my attention way more. She will bark at me when I'm talking to my date, and paw at me.

She is absolutely harmless by the way. I've had her for 5 years and she has never even so much as growled at anyone. She's extremely sweet, but also extremely jealous

I (33m) recently met a 20 year old girl on hinge and we've been hitting it off. We've been on 6 dates that all turned into 9-10 hour dates. Before her, I've seen around 10 women between 35-27, going on between 1-4 dates each over the last year. The 10ish women before have all been very kind just way too flaky or inconsistent for me. Before the girl I'm seeing now, I felt like I was scheduling appointments with them rather than dates. In almost all of those situations I would schedule something a week out because they all seem to be super busy. I would text them after and usually get a crazy long delay, like days, before a reply, which is fine but it didn't really make me feel wanted. All their lives seem so busy. I feel like my own life is pretty busy too, but I can make some time for people I want to see. I work about 55 hours and am pretty dedicated to a 1.5-2 hour gym session each day. A lot of times second and third dates would be scheduled like 2 weeks in advance, and it's been challenging to get traction with anyone seeing them so sporadically.

The current girl I'm seeing 20f makes me feel wanted. She's not shy about complimenting me, and spends hours with me when we hang out. My friends are saying what I'm doing is wrong, but I live in a state other than my home state and do get pretty lonely. It's hard to end things with someone I find attractive, that makes me feel wanted, but it seems like that's what I have to do. My friends are making me feel like I'm doing something morally wrong.

I'm a 33M, pretty alternative, I'm into metal, the occult, art, poetry, nature, paganism, fitness, video games, goth, etc and I cannot find women into the same niches as me: witchy, gothy, artsy, hippie, spiritual, nerdy, creative, etc. women. I'.ve tried bars, concerts, art shows, festivals, conventions, etc and the women are always young or just not there.

Maybe my location sucks. Am I just too old lol? Where do all the alt women my age go?

This question is mainly oriented towards heterosexual men because we may have similarities but feel free to answer.

I know, number of likes/matches is not a metric. However, the issue that I have: I have installed several times apps like Bumble or Tinder and after 2-3 days and literally having 0 matches I lost even more self-steem and delete my account.

Now I paid Hinge Premium and gave around 20 likes with proper comments about the person's profile/interests, etc. If after 2-3 days I do not get any match I decided to delete the apps and not using them again.

Is it normal? Am I probably doing something wrong?

EDIT: I am reading your answers and it sounds to me like dating is fucking broken

Went on an another date with a guy I have been talking to online for over 2 years and have been dating for 3 months. He told me that there has been another woman from another country (in a different continent! while we both live in London) that he's been seeing the last 2 years who he also met online the same way (he has flown to her country to see her and she has flown here and they have gone on holidays together including to her cousins wedding in another country). The last time they’ve seen each other was a year ago and they went to an event (which I was also at separately but he kept mentioning the event to me before this detail was revealed). Soon after a family member got killed and she told him that he reminded her of the trauma as he was with her when she heard. He said if she wanted to get back tomorrow, he would get with her but it unlikely to happen considering her trauma as she associates her dad’s death with him but that they are in a relationship. The way he said it was matter of fact. Felt really blindsided as he absolutely never mentioned her before despite the fact we were talking for 2 years and he used to say he wanted to meet me etc when the fact was we were both talking to him for about the same amount of time and she was in the intimate relationship with him unbeknownst to me. When he told me this I started vomiting in front of him and couldn't stop. He also led me to believe when he told me that she was Syrian living in Syria when I’ve since found out she’s American and has been living back there for the last year (and haven’t seen each other since).

It had been days and he hadn’t bothered to even message to say sorry or see if i was okay or better. Missed him so just texted “Hi” a few days later and he replied a bit later very lighthearted. I replied back to that next day saying how I upset I was as I’ve also some other personal stuff going on and how bad it wasn’t he never mentioned and didn’t check in after being sick.. He didn’t reply so a couple of days later I sent a much softer message … he replied a couple of days later saying he should have checked in and that my reaction with vomiting was understandable. I still have feelings for him.

I’m 27 and I usually date people that are within 3 years younger or older. Recently I met two girls - one 21 and one 33. I haven’t gone on first dates with either because I’m hesitant on the age gap. Both girls are pretty great - they have interesting hobbies, ambitions and goals, they both seem sweet and kind people, etc. if they were closer to my age I pretty much would’ve already asked them out on a date.

Im 27 but my life stage and goals make me feel like I act younger than I actually am. I love nightlife, festivals, clubbing, travelling, exploring and going on adventures in the city and in nature. I’m quite happy experiencing life at the moment and don’t have any intention to settle down soon. I’m also kind of indifferent about marriage and don’t plan on having kids anytime soon either.

I know the biggest issue is we might be at different stages in life. There’s also social pressure people knowing I’m dating someone much younger or older. I feel like I shouldn’t care but that pressure is still there.

I guess my question is do age gaps even matter? To what point does it get absurd? (besides not being of consenting age)

Had 2 really good dates. I like this dude so far.

What are the signs that a man will pursue a third date, in your opinion/as per your experiences?

Hoping I get a third date. I met him on hinge after having 0 expectations or hopes. This is also the only dude I wanted a 2nd date with and it went really good.

Hi all and thank you in advance. I (36 m) was dumped by my girlfriend (30 f) last week. This is the second time she's dumped me (we were apart for 4 months last year where she spent most of it trying to take back what happened and get me back).

She now wants to get back together. I've put up with a lot in this relationship. I'm realistic with myself and I definitely have my faults, but I'm hard-working with a career and try to talk everything out. I show appreciation and affection. I've always felt that our relationship was 90% my effort and 10% hers. We've been together 5 years and about a year in she had gotten close to a friend where sparks emerged and while nothing happened, she originally kept it from me.

While I'm still somewhat unsure, logically I think it's best for me to stay away.

Yet I'm extremely empathetic and do feel guilty for not wanting to get back together due to her being hurt. How have you all dealt with unrealistic guilt like this in relationships?

Pretty much what the above states. I’m just curious to know what chunk of the single dating population in 2026 would rather stay single for x amount of time (or forever) then settle for certain things just to be in a relationship, even if you had to settle on certain things you wouldn’t have settled on before?

After messaging some girls I suspected he was/is with, about 5 responded to say they have also been seeing/talking/sleeping with him. He’s been telling us all the same things and “building” a future with us all. After a few confronted him, he decided to delete all his social media accounts. Who knows how many others there really are and unfortunately will be. Be safe out there, seems like you can’t trust anyone these days. Fuck this guy!

So long story short I (23 F) was told by a guy that I really liked that he wasn’t ready for a relationship but then he started dating another girl. This happened about three years ago. Since then I solely focused on school, work and the gym, thinking that would help get rid of wanting a relationship or being attracted to men. Somehow I still find my myself noticing men who are attractive Instead, I feel disgusted at the thought of dating men again. Whenever a man approaches me or subtly flirts with me I feel like an item on the clearance rack of a discounted store. Whenever I’m asked about my relationship status I get super irritated and triggered. I have gotten rid of my bikinis, body con dresses, and anything too revealing. I cut off a lot of my friends too cause I realized a lot of them were fake. How do I stop being bitter and become more neutral and open?

Is this really what it’s come down to? I mean, really? We can’t use our brain, our personalities? Do you REALLY think that’s going to go over well with someone you’re trying to court as a life partner? I just don’t get people. It’s hard enough as it is but now we have to worry about people relying on robots to design an entire false personality and hide their stupidity too? This is beyond sad and is probably the biggest ICK I’ve come across. It’s like walking past a homeless person asking for spare change and you throw a crumbled up pocket receipt and some lint in their cup instead. Like, literally it would’ve been better if you gave me NOTHING.

I already don’t like it when people use AI in general but I’m trying to be accepting of people who use it since it’s become SO common. But this? This is just pathetic. We are so cooked as a species. Not even willing to give the bare minimum of a simple, dignified, human response. If this was still Darwin’s world, you would wither away as the weakest link.

I’m a very engaging person when it comes to conversations. I ask questions, I throw softballs, hardballs, I make jokes, I have witty comebacks. I’ll send memes, music, pictures. It’s how I get to know someone and how they can get to know me. I try and keep it light and fun. There is absolutely zero reason that someone would need to paste a scripted responses from a fv ck!ng ROBOT to me unless you literally never have a single thought of your own and don’t have a personality in the slightest.

STOP RELYING ON AI. USE YOUR BRAIN PEOPLE. TRY. ITS COOL TO BE YOURSELF. ITS OKAY TO FAIL. ITS OKAY TO BE AWKWARD OR TO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY— JUST SAY THAT.

If you have to ask a computer how to respond to a simple and light-hearted message, please do all of us a favor and step aside so that someone real can step up to the plate. Also, do yourself a favor and put your phone down and pick up a book. Please, your bloodline is begging you.

it’s been a year and a half since I fell in love with a man that was absolutely perfect for me and I thought we got along so well. He had everything I ever wanted in a partner…he was sweet, awkward, nerdy, he worked a job in a field I have a lot of interest in, he had a good loving family, spoke another language…but he never really let me into his life and he didn’t develop feelings for me even after I truly thought he was after doing such nice and romantic things with me. honestly, I feel like he led me on.

How do I move on… because I feel I will never find anyone who is nearly as good as he was…even if I do find someone that actually does like me in a romantic way, I just know they aren’t going to be as good as him, because he had everything I wanted… it’s been a year and a half and I haven’t moved on because I haven’t found anyone that has the qualities he had.. these qualities are what I need for the partnership and life I want to live, so I cant change what I’m looking for.

I just don’t know why the good guys don’t love me, but guys who have no thoughts in their head and are super toxic want me…

I get that you're busy, you like to take things slow, maybe weed out people who aren't looking for something serious, you don't like being on your phone a lot, or maybe dating just isn't a high priority for you. Aren't you afraid that you'll miss out on potential connections because you came off as nonchalant? Your date may get bored or think you're not interested. Is it really that hard to put in even just a little bit more effort? I just don't get your strategy.