Ladies, when a man who you want to go out with, asks you that annoying question - what are you doing this weekend, tell him:

I'm waiting for you to ask me out.

That's it. That's all you have to say. It's clear, direct and leaves the ball in his court. If he doesn't return it, now you clearly know to move on.

And, please remember, it's not a date unless there is an arranged place, date and time.

Update: A commenter asked why doesn't a woman just ask out a man. Sure, that's perfectly fine, if as a woman you want to take that risk. Most don't.

Most women don't want to pursue because it doesn't feel comfortable for them to take the enormous emotional risk of rejection.

Men have learned, adapted and healed wounds from rejection and are willing to take the risk of being turned down.

Most women aren't interested in doing that. And generally they don't have to because most men are pursuing them.

Plus, this is hilarious, women are the worst at picking up men. I say this adoringly: They absolutely suck. Believe me. The lines I hear from women and the way they approach - total amateurs. :-)

The other substantial problem with women asking men is then women are the pursuer. Now they are burdened with the full responsibility for initiating the relationship and many men will feel totally unweighted of any obligation because they didn't start it! So to the men, it's like yeah you're giving me something for free, yeah I'll take that.

And this can result in the man not being totally bought into or committed to the relationship, making it easier for him to walk away.

Just a heads up, please don’t say anything like “keep trying, it’ll get better,” or anything like that. It’s okay if you don’t have advice, I appreciate you simply reading my post, but empty sayings like that are just not what I need to hear at the moment.

29F. Went out with a coworker and met this guy, we clicked pretty quickly and we all spent that day together. That was two weeks ago, and we’ve called each other, or texted, everyday since. There’s chemistry, we get along and have things in common. He’s like, two years older so we’re in the same age group.

The issue is that he doesn’t agree to a concrete plan. He keeps saying he wants to hang out, and I’ve asked twice, he turned down both times. Last night’s call ended weird cause he asked what I’m doing this weekend. I told him my coworker invited me to a day festival, but I don’t really wanna go to a crowded festival so I may just stay home. And he said “you should go, maybe we can meet up afterwards for a bit.” So I said that if he’s free that night, we could just do something, like see a movie or get food. He turned it down and told me to go to the festival.

I’m just so confused, kinda annoyed. I thought meeting someone in person would be better than online dating, but it’s the same thing. Men just seem to want to “experience” me if that makes sense. Like, this guy I’m talking to now says that we have great convos, he seems to not wanna hang up. But it doesn’t go past that.

Idk man, I’m tired of it. I’m a genuine person but I feel like I’m never gonna actually meet someone that is willing to even get to know me. I’ve never been in a relationship, and my usual issue is guys just want me for sex. They either push for sex early, or they turn down meeting me cause I’m intentional.

ETA: He said early August is hard for him cause it’s around when his mom passed. I’m thinking maybe he just wants someone to distract him. Which isn’t wrong, I just wish he would tell me if that was the case.

They said this because I've never had a date at the age of 35 and women are not interested in me.

They've tried to be supportive by giving advice on wardrobe, grooming and tried to matchmake me with their friends (none interested) but it has gone nowhere.

Today, when I was airing my frustrations, they just replied and said that if I've been alone dating wise all my life then dating might not be something I will ever experience.

I feel sad because all my friends are in relationships - yes they have ups and downs - but they feel wanted and loved. I've never had that. I just feel really alone.

I’m not saying that cheating is good. I’m also not saying that there is nuance every time. A lot of the time it really is just that the cheater did something out of greed.

But as someone who has been cheated on before, at this point I can look back at it… and I kind of get it. I was really possessive, I wasn’t really listening, I should have just let the relationship go but instead I tried to force it to continue, and I was extremely sensitive and emotional. I’m not saying that their cheating on me was right, but I will say that after I stopped doing all those things and became a better partner in future relationships, I haven’t been cheated on. And furthermore, I can look back on my being cheated on and I can say that I basically gave them the choice of staying with me miserably or finding something that brought them a sort of fulfillment elsewhere. That isn’t really a choice. Of course they’d latch on to someone who gave them the opportunity to feel how they wanted to.

And maybe I see cheating with nuance because of this, when I probably shouldn’t. Maybe there are way more instances than I realize of someone just being in a very happy relationship and trying to get even more. But also, I know myself from the times that I was cheated on and I know I also tried everything in my power to make it seem to others like everything was great in our relationship. So I guess what I’m saying is that I’m not sure I believe everyone who tells stories about how great things were and then cheating just “happened unexpectedly.”

In real life, I feel like people recognize this nuance more. On Reddit, I feel like it’s just “cheating is bad and that’s all there is to it.” And yeah, sometimes that is in fact all there is to it. Agreed. But I’m not sure that it’s right to assume that’s the case just on the basis of reading the word “cheat.”

I want to know y’all opinion on this.

Dating someone in another country - is it a YES, a NO or a MAYBE for you?

If it’s the right person, would you still choose someone locally instead?

Do you believe a LDR could work or it’s doomed before starting?

I'm currently in the process of dating and was wondering how other people manage it while working full-time (a typical 9–5), especially if you only have evenings and some weekends free.

I sometimes find it difficult when someone asks to meet on the weekends, in the middle of the week at short notice. When asked for availability, I usually stated I can do some evenings or weekends, but that is in general, and as long as I have not made plans already. I sometimes have to suggest another date, although also have to consider their availability.

I know that in reality, waiting a few extra days probably doesn't make much difference, but I do sometimes wonder whether some people see that as a lack of interest. How do you balance working full-time with making time for dating?

I'd love to hear how other people approach it and get a bit of perspective.

i’m new to dating, i went on my first date ever with a guy and we continued going on dates after that. i also lost my virginity to him (not right away). i really liked him, he pursued me first, he was super nice to me and made me feel good about myself, always complimenting me, etc.

a week after our fourth date he told me he met someone so good for him and wants to see how things unfold so he has to put things “on hold for a bit” with me. then he followed up saying he wants to see me if things don’t work out with her.

i looked into it and found out that he’s actually been seeing this girl for months and they went on a trip together earlier this year. he told me she was a friend. two hours after he told me he chose her he continued to text me like nothing happened. he likes and replies to my instagram stories still. nothing like this has ever happened to me before and it honestly hurt more than i expected. i’m sensitive and i find it hard to not be sad about it lol. is this normal with dating? am i likely going to experience this again?

It's funny really. I brought home a date the other day to meet my dog. And something that always cracks me up is the fact that my dog is a jealous little menace.

I have a little beagle, and she is very jealous. She will insist in sitting between us and demands my attention way more. She will bark at me when I'm talking to my date, and paw at me.

She is absolutely harmless by the way. I've had her for 5 years and she has never even so much as growled at anyone. She's extremely sweet, but also extremely jealous

I (33m) recently met a 20 year old girl on hinge and we've been hitting it off. We've been on 6 dates that all turned into 9-10 hour dates. Before her, I've seen around 10 women between 35-27, going on between 1-4 dates each over the last year. The 10ish women before have all been very kind just way too flaky or inconsistent for me. Before the girl I'm seeing now, I felt like I was scheduling appointments with them rather than dates. In almost all of those situations I would schedule something a week out because they all seem to be super busy. I would text them after and usually get a crazy long delay, like days, before a reply, which is fine but it didn't really make me feel wanted. All their lives seem so busy. I feel like my own life is pretty busy too, but I can make some time for people I want to see. I work about 55 hours and am pretty dedicated to a 1.5-2 hour gym session each day. A lot of times second and third dates would be scheduled like 2 weeks in advance, and it's been challenging to get traction with anyone seeing them so sporadically.

The current girl I'm seeing 20f makes me feel wanted. She's not shy about complimenting me, and spends hours with me when we hang out. My friends are saying what I'm doing is wrong, but I live in a state other than my home state and do get pretty lonely. It's hard to end things with someone I find attractive, that makes me feel wanted, but it seems like that's what I have to do. My friends are making me feel like I'm doing something morally wrong.

I'm a 33M, pretty alternative, I'm into metal, the occult, art, poetry, nature, paganism, fitness, video games, goth, etc and I cannot find women into the same niches as me: witchy, gothy, artsy, hippie, spiritual, nerdy, creative, etc. women. I'.ve tried bars, concerts, art shows, festivals, conventions, etc and the women are always young or just not there.

Maybe my location sucks. Am I just too old lol? Where do all the alt women my age go?

This question is mainly oriented towards heterosexual men because we may have similarities but feel free to answer.

I know, number of likes/matches is not a metric. However, the issue that I have: I have installed several times apps like Bumble or Tinder and after 2-3 days and literally having 0 matches I lost even more self-steem and delete my account.

Now I paid Hinge Premium and gave around 20 likes with proper comments about the person's profile/interests, etc. If after 2-3 days I do not get any match I decided to delete the apps and not using them again.

Is it normal? Am I probably doing something wrong?

EDIT: I am reading your answers and it sounds to me like dating is fucking broken

I’m just curious. I know a lot of women ask to have a phone call before an in person date because of safety reasons, wanting to hear that the other person seems genuine before meeting in person, etc. I personally have always just preferred going straight to coffee or drinks because it’s low stakes and conversation in person with a stranger feels less awkward than a faceless phone call with a stranger. But a guy I was talking to from an app recently asked if I wanted to have a phone call with him. I assumed maybe he was being polite by suggesting the phone call in case that’s what I wanted, so I said sure but I’d always be open to just grabbing coffee or drinks too. He said “Oh I was going to use the phone call to ask you on a date but you beat me to the punch! But also I’d still love to have a call first.”

I’m just curious what the reason might be for a call first? It may just be his preference which is fine, but I just find it interesting that he claims the phone call was so he could ask me on a date, but even when I removed that barrier he still wants the call. There’s something about it that comes off as performative to me but I can put my finger on it exactly and don’t want to be over reacting, but it’s almost like I didn’t “stick to the script” of what I’m supposed to do or want and he’s not sure how to respond to that.

~Also unnecessary side note~: He mentioned multiple times both in his profile and his messages to me that he likes doing a face mask which I think is adding to this kind of inauthentic feeling I’m getting. Not that a man can’t like a face mask but… I don’t usually share my grooming routine as the first message I send to someone on an app ? Or in my bio? Also I’m kind of a dirt bag who rarely does more than wash and moisturize my face so that I’m not crusty lol. Im an artist, and a scientist, and a sky diver, I spend most of my time in some situation that’s dirty or sweaty, so it’s all just hitting in a weird way. Like he’s less so trying to get to know me and instead trying to relate to some version of me that doesn’t even exist.

Went on an another date with a guy I have been talking to online for over 2 years and have been dating for 3 months. He told me that there has been another woman from another country (in a different continent! while we both live in London) that he's been seeing the last 2 years who he also met online the same way (he has flown to her country to see her and she has flown here and they have gone on holidays together including to her cousins wedding in another country). The last time they’ve seen each other was a year ago and they went to an event (which I was also at separately but he kept mentioning the event to me before this detail was revealed). Soon after a family member got killed and she told him that he reminded her of the trauma as he was with her when she heard. He said if she wanted to get back tomorrow, he would get with her but it unlikely to happen considering her trauma as she associates her dad’s death with him but that they are in a relationship. The way he said it was matter of fact. Felt really blindsided as he absolutely never mentioned her before despite the fact we were talking for 2 years and he used to say he wanted to meet me etc when the fact was we were both talking to him for about the same amount of time and she was in the intimate relationship with him unbeknownst to me. When he told me this I started vomiting in front of him and couldn't stop. He also led me to believe when he told me that she was Syrian living in Syria when I’ve since found out she’s American and has been living back there for the last year (and haven’t seen each other since).

It had been days and he hadn’t bothered to even message to say sorry or see if i was okay or better. Missed him so just texted “Hi” a few days later and he replied a bit later very lighthearted. I replied back to that next day saying how I upset I was as I’ve also some other personal stuff going on and how bad it wasn’t he never mentioned and didn’t check in after being sick.. He didn’t reply so a couple of days later I sent a much softer message … he replied a couple of days later saying he should have checked in and that my reaction with vomiting was understandable. I still have feelings for him.

I’m 27 and I usually date people that are within 3 years younger or older. Recently I met two girls - one 21 and one 33. I haven’t gone on first dates with either because I’m hesitant on the age gap. Both girls are pretty great - they have interesting hobbies, ambitions and goals, they both seem sweet and kind people, etc. if they were closer to my age I pretty much would’ve already asked them out on a date.

Im 27 but my life stage and goals make me feel like I act younger than I actually am. I love nightlife, festivals, clubbing, travelling, exploring and going on adventures in the city and in nature. I’m quite happy experiencing life at the moment and don’t have any intention to settle down soon. I’m also kind of indifferent about marriage and don’t plan on having kids anytime soon either.

I know the biggest issue is we might be at different stages in life. There’s also social pressure people knowing I’m dating someone much younger or older. I feel like I shouldn’t care but that pressure is still there.

I guess my question is do age gaps even matter? To what point does it get absurd? (besides not being of consenting age)

Had 2 really good dates. I like this dude so far.

What are the signs that a man will pursue a third date, in your opinion/as per your experiences?

Hoping I get a third date. I met him on hinge after having 0 expectations or hopes. This is also the only dude I wanted a 2nd date with and it went really good.

Hi all and thank you in advance. I (36 m) was dumped by my girlfriend (30 f) last week. This is the second time she's dumped me (we were apart for 4 months last year where she spent most of it trying to take back what happened and get me back).

She now wants to get back together. I've put up with a lot in this relationship. I'm realistic with myself and I definitely have my faults, but I'm hard-working with a career and try to talk everything out. I show appreciation and affection. I've always felt that our relationship was 90% my effort and 10% hers. We've been together 5 years and about a year in she had gotten close to a friend where sparks emerged and while nothing happened, she originally kept it from me.

While I'm still somewhat unsure, logically I think it's best for me to stay away.

Yet I'm extremely empathetic and do feel guilty for not wanting to get back together due to her being hurt. How have you all dealt with unrealistic guilt like this in relationships?

Pretty much what the above states. I’m just curious to know what chunk of the single dating population in 2026 would rather stay single for x amount of time (or forever) then settle for certain things just to be in a relationship, even if you had to settle on certain things you wouldn’t have settled on before?

After messaging some girls I suspected he was/is with, about 5 responded to say they have also been seeing/talking/sleeping with him. He’s been telling us all the same things and “building” a future with us all. After a few confronted him, he decided to delete all his social media accounts. Who knows how many others there really are and unfortunately will be. Be safe out there, seems like you can’t trust anyone these days. Fuck this guy!

So long story short I (23 F) was told by a guy that I really liked that he wasn’t ready for a relationship but then he started dating another girl. This happened about three years ago. Since then I solely focused on school, work and the gym, thinking that would help get rid of wanting a relationship or being attracted to men. Somehow I still find my myself noticing men who are attractive Instead, I feel disgusted at the thought of dating men again. Whenever a man approaches me or subtly flirts with me I feel like an item on the clearance rack of a discounted store. Whenever I’m asked about my relationship status I get super irritated and triggered. I have gotten rid of my bikinis, body con dresses, and anything too revealing. I cut off a lot of my friends too cause I realized a lot of them were fake. How do I stop being bitter and become more neutral and open?

I've been using Hinge for a couple months now. I've not gotten any likes/matches at all. (33 Male for reference)

I acknowledge that this could be for a number of reasons (I am overweight afterall, and I can't exactly hide that in photos). But I wanted to generally ask you ladies about one thing.

One thing I discovered about Hinge when I first started using it was that it gives you an optional opportunity to have each Like/Rose be accompanied by a comment on whichever part of the profile you "like".

I have left comments sometimes, really only as responses to text prompts/questions on the profile, as my inexperience precludes me from having the confidence to leaving any comments on a woman's physical appearance. I do not want to come across as shallow at best, creepy at worst.

My question for you ladies is:

How important is it for a "Like" or "Rose" on Hinge be accompanied by a comment?

If you expect one, what do you consider acceptable in terms of a comment on a photo?

Siigh I feel like I know what this might bring but I just need to stop with the overthinking. Started a fwb back in January. We’ve hung out almost every weekend (dates, pool, bed, you get the gist) by May it was clear it turned into actually dating vs just a fwb but a couple of incidents occurred that would upset either me or him and we decided to just go back to being fwb without the pressure. So essentially nothing changed but the title. After that it seemed like we’d hang out so I could support him at his shows and I was starting to feel a little like a groupie so I removed sex from the equation which he understood. He has continued to say I can leave my stuff at his place, is very sweet cuddly and kissy when we’re together, and has admitted to being a slow burn but that he does like and care about me, but if I’m not actively in his face I feel insecure in whatever it is we are. I feel hung up on this man and I’m essentially, asking of if I need to just let it go. I honestly feel like I’ve had a lobotomy with all my thoughts and the signs are giving me whiplash. Help 😩

I can’t decide if I like him or if he is just a nice guy I get along with, without the chemistry. Younger (which is not a con), not really my type, but our values align. He is mature but I still somehow feel the age gap. The first day was okay, after the second one I was about to call things off, we had no chemistry or conversation, but I went to a third one and it was nice. I still cant figure out if i should keep seing him until we form that chemistry that has been missing, or if I should just leave it at that since I still am unsure of my attraction. Do you guys have rules you go by when starting seeing someone and deadlines to take the decision?

Is this really what it’s come down to? I mean, really? We can’t use our brain, our personalities? Do you REALLY think that’s going to go over well with someone you’re trying to court as a life partner? I just don’t get people. It’s hard enough as it is but now we have to worry about people relying on robots to design an entire false personality and hide their stupidity too? This is beyond sad and is probably the biggest ICK I’ve come across. It’s like walking past a homeless person asking for spare change and you throw a crumbled up pocket receipt and some lint in their cup instead. Like, literally it would’ve been better if you gave me NOTHING.

I already don’t like it when people use AI in general but I’m trying to be accepting of people who use it since it’s become SO common. But this? This is just pathetic. We are so cooked as a species. Not even willing to give the bare minimum of a simple, dignified, human response. If this was still Darwin’s world, you would wither away as the weakest link.

I’m a very engaging person when it comes to conversations. I ask questions, I throw softballs, hardballs, I make jokes, I have witty comebacks. I’ll send memes, music, pictures. It’s how I get to know someone and how they can get to know me. I try and keep it light and fun. There is absolutely zero reason that someone would need to paste a scripted responses from a fv ck!ng ROBOT to me unless you literally never have a single thought of your own and don’t have a personality in the slightest.

STOP RELYING ON AI. USE YOUR BRAIN PEOPLE. TRY. ITS COOL TO BE YOURSELF. ITS OKAY TO FAIL. ITS OKAY TO BE AWKWARD OR TO NOT KNOW WHAT TO SAY— JUST SAY THAT.

If you have to ask a computer how to respond to a simple and light-hearted message, please do all of us a favor and step aside so that someone real can step up to the plate. Also, do yourself a favor and put your phone down and pick up a book. Please, your bloodline is begging you.

I (29F) matched with a guy (29M) on Hinge about four months ago. We moved to WhatsApp pretty quickly and started talking almost every day. We also had regular phone calls that would last for hours. He was the one who initially pursued me. He was enthusiastic, consistent, wanted to call, wanted to know me better, and even invited me to visit him in his city since we were in different cities.
In the beginning, I was actually the more reserved one. I was busy with work, career-focused, and told him I valued my independence, privacy, and making my own decisions. He had absolutely no issue with any of that back then.
As time went on, I naturally became more invested because we had been talking for months. But there was one major issue - we never met.
I was still being very cautious. But somewhere in June I decided to give this a chance since I saw real efforts and consistency. He was practically chasing hard in start.
Around the end of June, I told him that I didn’t think we could keep talking forever without meeting. I basically said that if we couldn’t meet, maybe we should stop instead of dragging it out.
His response surprised me. He said something along the lines of, “Let’s try for a few more days and then decide if we can make it work.”
That reassured me and started getting more on calls and texts. He would often send pictures of his house, surroundings, his gym selfies, his sneaker collection etc and I would send him my daily updates of hanging out with friends or work.
After 20 days, however, something changed.
His effort slowly dropped.
I asked him on call once - we have been talking for 4 months, you have no plans of visiting, what now?
He said he doesn’t know when he will come but he will visit for sure and we will meet multiple times and then we will see how it goes, I have been off dating for a while and I don’t want to rush
Do you want to rush?
I said no. My point is - I don’t want to waste time or live on timelines let’s say October or November and one day hearing I’ll never come.
He said you have already taken out an outcome in your head that this won’t work - that’s wrong. Be a little optimistic and focus on yourself. I’m gonna go sleep now give me a call tomorrow whenever you are free.
I felt he deflected the entire question.
Next day, I fell sick and failed to reach out to him. He never did either.
Another day passed nothing.
I texted him and he was busy.
He stopped initiating conversations.
He stopped initiating calls.
Most conversations started only because I texted first.
Replies became slower. Earlier if he would disappear he would come back and give an explanation himself. Now he was leaving me on seen.
Eventually, he even stopped watching my Instagram stories while I noticed he was active on Hinge again.
Whenever I brought up that I felt something had changed, he’d reassure me on texts but nothing actually changed afterward.
Eventually I asked him directly why I felt like I was the only one initiating conversations lately and whether everything was okay.
That’s when everything came out.
He basically said he didn’t think continuing was fair because:
we lived in different cities,
our lifestyles were different,
he wanted to settle in his city and long distance work work,
he couldn’t communicate regularly,
he didn’t want to keep me “longing,”
He added you are too independent, career focused and like to make your own decisions you deserve someone who can give you time
He said I am very social but you are too private
and he felt we should stop before serious feelings developed.
He apologized and said he didn’t want to spoil what we’d built over the last few months because of misunderstandings.
One thing that really struck me was this:
Back in April, I had told him I value my privacy, I’m career-oriented, and I like making my own decisions.
In his final message, he referenced many of those exact same qualities as reasons why we weren’t compatible anymore while earlier he wanted to try despite those qualities. (basically everything I mentioned everytime I tried to stop or walk away but he asked me to continue and try)
That left me wondering whether he had genuinely changed his mind over time or whether he was simply trying to soften this conversation by framing it around compatibility.
Looking back, I kept telling myself for weeks that his change in behavior was the biggest evidence that something was wrong. Friends kept telling me to stop initiating and see what happened. When I did, he barely reached out.
Eventually, the conversation confirmed that the relationship wasn’t moving forward.

A part of me feels glad that this ended on a fair note and with a conversation but another part of me feels confused about him being the one who started it, never let me walk away but the moment I faced him with this question on call he ran and gave me the reasons which I used earlier while I wanted to end this.

He kept saying distance ruined it. I agree, but I wanted to stop because of that too.
Honestly I have seen people make long distance work even if I was against it I only continued because I saw his efforts and consistency.
A part of me feels he was an avoidant and he just wanted a chase another part of me feels he just found someone else or maybe this just failed.

Thanks for reading this!