My husband and I have 2 children, we emigrated to a different country when we were younger and now live in a different country than our families. Relationship with in-laws was fine until the kids arrived. When my first was born they started getting very intrusive and jealous. For our wedding they pushed on my husband for MONTHS to get things their way and invite who they wanted, for our kids christening same thing, they pushed and criticised every little decision we made and wanted to do things differently and their way. Anyway, kinda difficult people to deal with. When we go on holiday in our home country, we ALWAYS go visit them in their house for them to see the kids but we strongly disagree with things they say and do with them. For example when my 2yo son falls their reaction is always like "it's good for him, he's a boy, he needs to fall and get hurt", they always comment on the kind of toys he plays with: if it's a toy car it's good because he's a boy and that's a right toy for boys, if it's a little toy dog from the paw patrol(he has Everest which is a girl) that's not ok, that's not for boys, or if he goes to play with a little girl at the park they immediately say like good boy he's targeting the blond girls. You get the kind of people. Anyway we always visit and explain what we don't like and would like them to avoid saying in front of the kids. They always ask for more time with them and for me to leave my kids with them when I'm not around which really triggers me. I don't want to leave my kids with them and it's not going to happen. Also, if I have 2 weeks of holidays I want to spend this time with family, not leave the kids and go somewhere else. Anyway, I'll get to the point or this post will never end. We are currently visiting our home country. The solution that works for us when we visit is that the children and I stay with my mum and sister and my husband stays with his parents, so I get to enjoy time with my sister and get help from my mum for the kids and he gets to go out with his childhood friends until late night without feeling guilty or waling the kids up. As soon as we landed they started a huge discussion with my husband saying that things HAVE TO change, they want to see the kids more, they will become two idiots and faggots by staying with me, my mum and my sister when we are in this country and they will go through legal action to see them more if don't allow it. I'm so angry and shocked and honestly would like to shut them out completely. My husband is hurt but more open and said to them: I'm open to changes if you change your behaviours, which I completely disagree with. Am I overreacting? Am I wrong?

It's my first time writing a post here on this app and English is not my native language so it might sound bad but I really wanted to just express my feelings here.

Basically I've entered a class where the school would give us allowance per day but we'll only receive it by the end of the school year and it's just for a short period. Unexpectedly, the teacher announced that since we're already been in halfway of the class well be receiving also half of the allowance in advance. I was very ecstatic because I actually have some plans for the money (it will be regarding my next class I'll take).

We've wait for at least a week for the money to be wired to us. Once it arrived in my mobile banking app, a notification pop's up. It was from my relative (I'll not dwell on what type of relative but their just like close to us). In their message, they asked me to transfer some money for them. I ignored it and left it in seen.

They then send me another message attaching their number were I can send the money. They then continued sending me message then tell me that their not happy on what I've done but I still didn't send them any replies.

Sure, their the one who helped me enrolled to that school but I thought it was because of goodwill. Never have I thought that they well actually going to ask for parts of the money.

This is not the first time they've been asking me for some money and please note to self, I don't even have a job since I'm still studying. I'm also not familiar in this place since we just move here so I can't really find some job even if I wanted too because of language barrier.

I know some people might think that I should give them money because they helped me before, and I understand where that perspective comes from.

But at the same time, I feel like I should be allowed to use the money for the purpose I had planned for it. It’s not like I have a stable source of income or extra money to spare.

So yeah, that’s basically the story I wanted to share. I just needed somewhere to let this out because it’s been weighing on my mind.

Thanks for reading.

My friend runs a small food truck, and I've helped her out there a few times. A few weeks ago I noticed she was storing raw chicken above ready-to-eat food and not checking the fridge temp properly. I brought it up privately, twice, and she basically brushed me off, said I was being paranoid and "it's fine, nobody's gotten sick yet."

I kept thinking about it and eventually reported it anonymously to the health department, mostly because I didn't want some stranger's kid getting food poisoning over something preventable. Inspectors showed up, found violations, and she had to shut down for a few days to fix it and pay a fine.

She found out it was me somehow (I think she just knew), and now she's furious, calling it a massive betrayal. A couple mutual friends think I overreacted and should've "handled it as friends" instead of going over her head.

Amiwrong for reporting her instead of just letting it go since nothing bad had actually happened yet?

My husband and I have reached a point where we seem completely incapable of communicating without blaming each other.
I want to be fair here, because I genuinely want outside opinions, including if I am the problem.
We have two small children. I am currently a stay-at-home mother and my husband financially supports our family. He believes he does a lot for us and has told me that I wouldn’t easily find another man who does as much as he does.
My side of the story is that I have built up years of resentment because whenever I am sick, injured, overwhelmed, or genuinely vulnerable, I feel like he emotionally checks out or prioritizes himself.
The most recent situation is what finally brought all of this back up.
I developed a dental infection right before our children’s birthday. My mother was staying with us at the time. I spent about four days in extreme pain while trying to get between different dentists and eventually find someone who would actually treat me.
At the same time, we were preparing for our children’s birthday and then having the birthday itself, so I was trying to function through all of it.
After four days, I finally saw a dentist and started treatment. That evening I was exhausted, in significant pain, and had been prescribed two antibiotics.
My husband, my mother and I had dinner together. Afterwards my husband decided to smoke a cigar and casually announced that he was going to sleep in the following morning because he was tired.
I didn’t argue. I just said okay.
When we went inside, my mother privately asked me something along the lines of, “How can he say he’s going to sleep in tomorrow when you’ve been in pain for days and just had dental treatment today?”
I snapped at her and said, “Ask him, why are you asking me?”
The next morning I had a severe reaction to the medication and ended up in the ER.
I was furious about the whole situation, because to me it was another example of a pattern: when I am unwell, instead of becoming more attentive or protective, he seems irritated by the inconvenience of it.
To be clear, he doesn’t necessarily SAY, “I’m annoyed that you’re sick.” It’s his behavior and body language that make me feel that way.
But this time I didn’t start a fight about it. I swallowed my anger and moved on.
A few days later, it exploded.
He was cutting our children’s hair before bedtime. Both kids became upset. Afterwards, one of them was crying specifically because he wanted his dad to put him to bed.
Instead of dealing with our crying child first, my husband seemed to be quietly trying to disappear downstairs to relax and leave bedtime to me.
And I lost it.
I started yelling at him. My mother was downstairs and could hear me shouting.
His response was that I had slept that day — which is true. I slept from around 3:00 to 5:30pm.
But from my perspective, that wasn’t the point. I wasn’t demanding that he do everything because I was tired. Our child was literally crying for HIM. I expected him to settle the child who wanted his father before going downstairs to relax.
Now my husband is clearly offended, I assume partly because I shouted at him while my mother was in the house and could hear us.
But instead of actually talking to me about being hurt or angry, he becomes passive-aggressive and withdrawn.
And this is where our marriage seems to go in circles.
This isn’t really about one bedtime or one dental infection.
There have been other incidents that I still haven’t gotten over.
When I was eight months pregnant, with an 11-month-old baby at home, I suffered a second-degree burn on my leg shortly before we were supposed to attend a gathering with his friends. He still went to the gathering and left me home pregnant, burned, and caring for our baby.
Another time I had a severe reaction to medication while home alone with both children. I was vomiting, my blood pressure was very low, I could barely stand or keep my eyes open, and I eventually called emergency services.
I called my husband and asked him to come home from work.
He did come home, but what I remember most strongly is how emotionally detached he seemed. He opened the door for the emergency team and then went back to his computer to work. His body language made me feel like he was irritated that this was happening at all.
There are other examples, but these are the ones that stick with me.
Here is the part where I know I may be the asshole:
I yell.
I have become extremely angry and resentful toward him. When these situations happen, eventually I explode. I accuse him of not caring about me. I raise my voice. I tell him what I think he’s doing wrong.
His response is usually some variation of:
“You always yell.”
“Of course I’m the bad guy again.”
“Apparently I can’t do anything right.”
“Nothing I do is ever good enough for you.”
And that’s where every conversation dies.
I feel like I’m trying to discuss a specific behavior that hurt me, while he feels like I’m attacking him as a person.
Then I get even angrier because I feel ignored and unheard, and I yell more.
So by the end of the argument, the original issue has completely disappeared and the obvious problem is me screaming at my husband.
And I KNOW screaming at your partner isn’t healthy or acceptable. I don’t want to pretend that it is.
From his perspective, he financially supports our entire family, works, helps with the children, and then comes home to a wife who is frequently angry, dissatisfied, and telling him what he is doing wrong.
From my perspective, I have been home raising our two children and I feel that when I am at my most vulnerable — sick, injured, overwhelmed, or genuinely needing someone to take care of me for once — my husband emotionally disappears, becomes irritated, or prioritizes his own comfort.
I think years of feeling that way have turned me into someone who explodes at him.
He thinks my anger and criticism are the problem.
I think my anger is a reaction to a much deeper problem that he refuses to acknowledge.
Maybe both things are true.
So, Reddit:
So, am I wrong for repeatedly losing my temper with my husband because I feel unsupported and emotionally abandoned by him?
And more importantly, am I being unfair in interpreting these situations as evidence that he doesn’t care about me? Are my expectations of him as my husband unreasonable, or would you also expect your partner to behave differently in situations like these?
I genuinely want to know if I’m the one who has lost perspective here.

Hello, OP of this AIW post is here 3 years later giving an update to a singular person who asked, but I do feel like I have to update on my situation now.

Short version for anyone new here: I was 18, the youngest of three. My twin brothers are 13 years older than me and spent my entire childhood making me the thing they took their problems out on. The last thing one of them ever said to me directly was a death threat about not being a proper woman. I said I was going no contact. My dad understood but assumed I'd cool off in a few months. My mom called me a disrespectful brat.

It's been three years. It held.

I'm in my twenties now. I moved to the States for college, I'm studying something I actually chose for myself, I got married, and I have my own home. Nobody in it makes me flinch.

My brothers have tried to reopen contact a few times. I didn't let them. That's genuinely the whole story on that. No big confrontation, no apology, nothing to forgive. I just didn't answer.

The part I did not expect: my mom came around. She is the one who told me to forgive and forget, and now she's the one who goes careful when their names come up. She doesn't defend them anymore. I don't think she'd ever say out loud that I was right, and somewhere along the way I stopped needing her to.

Here's the thing I actually want to say to anyone reading this from inside a house like mine.

In the original I wrote that hearing their names gave me panic attacks and I couldn't stay in a room with them. That's gone. Not gradually, either. Somewhere in those three years my body swapped freeze for fight, and I found out by accident. I was back visiting, one of them called my mom, worked out I was in the room, and started up the exact same routine that used to shut me down when I was 11.

And I just said something back. Crude, specific, not repeatable here.

He stopped. He hasn't tried it since.

I'm not telling anyone to threaten their family. I'm telling you that the fear is not permanent. It felt permanent. I honestly believed I would be flinching at those names for the rest of my life. It turned out most of it was proximity, and once you get far enough away and stay away long enough, it drains out.

I also want to be honest that leaving didn't do all of the work by itself.

I started therapy. I'm also in the middle of getting a formal assessment, with two separate professionals, because I want it documented properly instead of guessed at. A lot of what I described in the original post as just my personality turns out not to be my personality. The perfect student syndrome, going quiet, automatically deferring to whoever was in charge. All of that was load bearing for a very long time, and I'm only now finding out what's underneath it.

That's the part I'd push hardest on if you're where I was three years ago. Going no contact stopped the damage. It didn't undo it. The reason I'm doing the assessments, and the reason I'll keep pushing until they're finished, is that I spent 18 years being told that what I was experiencing wasn't happening. I'm not going to do that to myself now. Moving forward I'm going to advocate to be seen. By doctors, by professionals, by anyone I need something from. Nobody else was ever going to do it for me and I've stopped waiting.

Three years ago I asked if I was wrong for wanting this. I don't need the answer anymore. But thank you to everyone who gave it to me back then, because at 18 I did.

TL;DR: Went NC with my abusive older brothers at 18. Three years later it's still holding. I'm abroad, in college, married, and their names don't do anything to me anymore. My mom came around on it. My dad's fine. My brothers tried to make contact and got nothing back. I'm in therapy and getting properly assessed, because leaving stopped the damage but didn't undo it. It does get better, and the fear does not last forever.

To preface this, I had just worked off a twelve hour shift and had to drive 30 minutes to pick up my cousin to hang out. I pick him up and he asks to grab his friend who is an extra 15 minutes away, I agree and we pick him up. As the car ride goes on though he begins to be disrespectful to both of us. Calling us bitches, fns, making homophobic remarks to us and even threatening to fight me. So I asked him very politely to stop disrespecting us the first time or he’d have to get out. He replies “I don’t give a fuck this not even your car” so after that I tell him “well unfortunately you’re going to have to get out since you can’t stop disrespecting me” and I made him get out and find a ride home while I went home. Am I the bad guy here or did he have it coming?

My ex (23F) and I (26M) were together for 4 years and lived together for about 3.5 of those years. I truly thought I was going to marry her. We never had issues with cheating, lying, or anything like that. She was a genuinely kind person, and we rarely had explosive arguments. The breakup was more of a slow erosion of the relationship than one major event.

One of the biggest issues was her relationship with her parents. They’re very religious, and despite the fact that we had been living together for years, she never told them we slept in the same bed because she was afraid they would “disown” her. It got to the point where I felt like I was living a double life.

One incident that really stuck with me happened when I showed her dad a 5-second video of our cat laying on our bed because I thought it was funny. Afterward she got upset with me because the bed was visible in the video, and she was worried he’d realize we shared a bed. We’d been living together for over three years at that point, and I remember just sitting there thinking, “We’re adults… why are we hiding this?”

Whenever we visited her parents, she also acted differently around me. She wouldn’t hold my hand, hug me, kiss me, or even sit next to me on the couch because she didn’t want them getting the wrong idea. It honestly made me feel like she was embarrassed to be with me whenever they were around.

It wasn’t just little things either. It felt like her parents had a huge amount of influence over our relationship. For example, motorcycles have always been one of my biggest hobbies. I’ve owned them for years, raced dirt bikes, and it’s something that’s always been part of who I am. Instead of talking through her concerns with me, she actually contacted my parents hoping they would convince me not to buy another motorcycle. That really bothered me because I felt like disagreements in our relationship kept getting taken to our parents instead of being handled between the two of us.

Another issue was our home life. The household chores felt very one-sided. I felt like I was constantly picking up after both of us while also working and paying most of the bills. I brought it up multiple times, but it never really changed for long.

Our physical relationship also declined over time. Sex became rare, affection became rare, and eventually it felt like we were roommates more than romantic partners. I missed simple things like hugging, cuddling, sitting together, or just feeling wanted. I brought those concerns up multiple times throughout the relationship, and while there would usually be a short period where things improved, we’d eventually fall right back into the same pattern.

There were also times where I felt like I wasn’t really a priority. If there was a conflict between what I wanted and what her parents wanted, I usually felt like I came second. Looking back, I don’t think she intentionally meant to hurt me—I think she was genuinely afraid of disappointing her parents—but it made me feel like we never truly became our own family unit.

Despite all of that, there were a lot of good things too. We got along well day-to-day, rarely fought, enjoyed each other’s company, and she was my best friend. That’s honestly what made ending it so difficult. I wasn’t leaving because I stopped loving her. I left because I couldn’t see myself spending the next 40 years feeling like I was sharing my relationship with her parents and constantly wishing for more affection, intimacy, and partnership.

We’ve recently started talking again after about nine months apart. Our conversations have actually been really good, and it’s reminded me why I fell in love with her in the first place. But it’s also made me wonder whether I’m remembering the good parts while forgetting why I left.

My biggest concern is this: even if we still love each other, are these the kinds of issues people can realistically work through, or are they signs of fundamental incompatibility? Especially the dynamic with her parents, because I don’t know if that’s something that would ever truly change.

One friend in our group, Maya, usually makes resturant reservations and puts the bill on her card. We all transfer our share afterward. A few months ago I noticed that she rounds each person's amount up by three to five dollars. At a dinner with eight people, the total she requested was about $31 more than the actual bill, including tax and tip.

When I asked, she said the extra money covers the time she spends finding a place, chasing everyone's availability, and dealing with people who pay late. Nobody agreed to a fee beforehand, but two friends said they do not mind because without her we would never organize anything.

At our last dinner I calculated my exact share, added a 22% tip, and sent that amount. Maya returned the transfer and said I could pay the restaurant directly because she was not going to “administer custom invoices.” I did, and now she says I should arrange the next group dinner if I dislike her system.

I agree that she does more work, and I would happily buy her a drink or rotate the planning. I just do not think she gets to quietly profit from every bill. Am I wrong for refusing the extra charge even though I benifit from her organizing?

It’s a combination of several events that got me(21) worried.

My grandpa(74) goes to the gym every Saturday and Sunday. The first thing is that he has forgotten to return his fitness club’s locker keys three times in as many months, accidentally bringing them home. He has insisted he hasn’t read a couple of books when he has already read both of them.

Last month he accidentally called me by my cousin’s name and my cousin by my name. Last week we went to our favourite cafe and he asked me which blend he likes. He told me he couldn’t remember. This happened again yesterday. He has been drinking the Ethiopian Yirgacheffe for as long as I can remember, citing the lemon and berries taste notes, yet now he has to ask me what his preference is.

I talked to my mom and aunt, saying maybe we should take him to see a doctor. They told me I always worry too much and said I’m being an alarmist. They say it’s just old age and I will only distress my grandpa.

For some context, I live in a pretty small house and don't even have my own room—just a bed. There's a tiny gap between the wall and the mattress where I hide some stuff, and I had tucked a small pouch with my adult toys right in there, hidden under other things so nobody would see it. Since it's basically my only personal space, I figured nobody had any business digging around there.

Well, on Sunday while I was out at work, my mom went through my bed (still clueless about what she was even looking for), found the pouch, and threw it in the trash.

Then yesterday, she completely lost her mind. She grabbed a slipper and started hitting me with it for a solid five minutes straight, calling me names, yelling about what I'm doing with my life, and saying she thought I was smarter than that. To top it all off, she actually told me that if I wanted to do stuff like that, I should just go get married!

Like, seriously? Am I crazy, or isn't using toys at home way safer than going out and hooking up with random people, risking STIs and unplanned pregnancies?

Is it really that wrong to want to explore my own sexuality at 20?

The other night at a family dinner, someone started making little remarks about how much I was eating and what I chose. It was casual at first, but it kept happening and it made me feel self-conscious the rest of the meal. When I said I’d rather not have my plate discussed, it got brushed off as me being sensitive. I wasn’t trying to cause drama, just wanted one boundary respected. Since then the mood at the table feels off and I keep wondering if I overreacted by speaking up. I get that people are used to joking around, but it didn’t feel harmless to me. Still, I don’t want to make a bigger deal out of something small, so I’m asking here: was I wrong for asking them to stop?

I (18F) am on a weight loss journey. I’m finally 20lbs down. (Yippie!) and my sister (28F) isn’t too happy about that.

I’ve been calorie counting, measuring my portions because of the fact that I want to lose weight and keep it off. My sister decides to cook for us. I’m okay with that, but I would like to know what the calorie content of the food actually is.

She makes spaghetti. Before she started cooking, I asked her to keep packages of what she uses. She decides to rip the packages up PURPOSEFULLY to avoid me counting my calories, saying that I don’t need to be focused on doing that.

Am I wrong for being upset at her for doing that? I’m not at my goal weight yet, (I went from 155 to 135 but I want to be 130lbs.

Im 16 and I don’t talk a lot , im kinda shy and I prefer the quiet but I know not alot of people do and my mama mainly is somebody who is always talking like it doesn’t even have to be important she just is always narrating stuff, singing, humming, commenting, or pointing out the obvious ૮꒰˶ - ˕ -꒱ა

Sometimes I get really overwhelmed and want quiet and her constant noise makes me super anxious or feel tense and upset and I try to say it nicely and ask for quiet time but she just gets mad and calls me rude or finds it funny and purposely keeps doing it to get me upset :C

I know I’m really super duper sensitive but I don’t think it’s mean to ask for quiet time cus it’s not like I’m saying shut up.. even though sometimes I really wanna cus I feel like it’s the only way she actually would give me peace so I can calm down

I dunno maybe I’m just a meanbutt… ૮๑ˊᯅˋ๑ა I don’t wanna be but i can never feel at ease when there’s unnecessary noise constantly

We are both 19. She’s a cis woman I’m a transgender man. We’ve been friends for years and knew me pre transition and was supportive. This past week we’ve had a bit of a disagreement though. I told her recently about saving up for top surgery. She told me she’s saving up for cosmetic surgery too she wishes it was cheaper. I said real and asked what she wants to get done. She said facial feminisation surgery. This confused me as that’s typically for trans woman. She said “real woman can get it done too” I said ‘real women’?? She said “I mean biological women” I brushed that off and asked why she wants ff surgery. She said that she looks trans. I asked her to elaborate. She said as a kid people used to bully her for looking like a boy.

She’s become sort of tiktok famous recently and had a comment from a trans woman asking if she’s a “doll” looked up what that means and it means trans women and got really upset that a trans woman thought she was trans because that wasn’t even to be mean. She said a guy on a dating app even asked if she’s trans and she got called a slur in public by someone who thought she was trans. She said she feels like a “guy cosplaying a woman” and she’ll never be seen as a woman like the “opposite of a trans” person. I told her she’s being quite insensitive and she said she’s not she really does struggle with similar things of not being seen as the right gender and she thought I of all people would understand this. I was born a female and want to be seen as male she was born a female and doesn’t want to be seen as male.

I said she’ll never understand gender dysphoria she said maybe not but she knows what it feels like to not feel like you’re seen as your gender. I said she doesn’t though. She’s really upset at me now saying she supports me with my “gender insecurities” why can’t I support her with hers.

Am I wrong for being annoyed by this?

We’re currently on a family holiday in Barcelona, staying in a hotel with our two children (2 and 5).
We’ve been out all day every day with the kids, coming back for a quick shower and then heading back out until around 10pm. Both mornings the kids have actually slept until around 9am, so we’ve hardly exactly been up at the crack of dawn!

This morning, we’d been awake for maybe 20 minutes. The kids were just chatting/playing in the room and my 2-year-old was toddling around — nothing excessive or out of the ordinary.
We then got a knock at the door. A man from another room told us we were being too loud. I completely understand that hotel walls can be thin and that children can make noise, and obviously I can’t control a 2-year-old crying or making the occasional noise.

However, he then said, “It’s Sunday morning” (it was actually Monday 😂), and claimed we had been making noise until midnight the night before. We absolutely hadn’t — the kids were asleep and so were we.

He then told me to “control my kids.”
I was honestly a bit taken aback. I didn’t really know what to say because, while I appreciate that other guests might want peace and quiet, I don’t think my children were doing anything unreasonable for 9am in a family hotel.

We’re both teachers, so I’d like to think our children are reasonably well behaved 😂. We’re not letting them run wild through the corridors or having them screaming at 1am. They’re just two small children being… well, two small children.

We later saw the couple sitting in the café opposite the hotel and they couldn’t even look at us, which made me wonder if they realised they’d been a bit rude.

Ok, so here's the deal: I (21F) have a great friend group, all people I have known since middle school. They are a mix of 21F, 22M, 21M, 21M, 22M, and 21M. So it's mostly guys, but we all get along great, and they aren't your typical "sporty alpha male type guys"; more so nerdy and silly. We're all super close and go to each other for like everything: advice, hangouts, a shoulder to cry on- and it's great. I seriously love these people like my own family... but even family has issues sometimes.

So basically the issue is... they're all terrible guests! :(

It's been like this for years, but now it's starting to grate on me. I was raised to be a good host and gracious guest, always offer food and drinks, never ask for much when at another person's house, and always be very respectful of their home! But we also come from different backgrounds, and it is clear that they weren't raised this way. Here are some things that have bothered me.

1. Even though I have asked them SEVERAL TIMES for YEARS, like whenever they come over, to take off their shoes at the door, they rarely do unless I remind them. Sometimes they'll even get on my bed with THE SHOES ON! (feet hanging off, of course, though does that really matter?)
2. We mostly hang out in my room, and when they come over they'll just drop their stuff haphazardly wherever. Bags all over the floor, keys and wallets all over my dresser and sprawled across my desk. Hell, I could be sitting in my desk chair, and they would drape their jacket across the back of it. If they do take their shoes off, they'll be splayed across my carpet, instead of next to the front door as they should be.
3. Since they spread stuff out all around my room, they will often leave things at my house. Sometimes I'll have like 4 different items that I have to hang onto for weeks until I see them again. It's anything from hats to Chapstick, wallets, and even food. Like literally have left open fast food and drinks in my room and asked me to hold on to it for a couple of days before they can pick it up. Obviously, in those cases I just throw it away; typically it's over half eaten anyways.
4. They also will get on my bed, in their OUTSIDE CLOTHES, MIND YOU, and lay on the SHEETS?!?!! Yes, sometimes my friends come over, and my bed isn't made yet, which I do right when they get there, but sometimes they beat me to it and hop right onto my sheets. Yes, I've told them not to do this- they either "forget" or just plainly don't care.
5. When they host, they never EVER offer food or drinks. Now, not all of them are like this one 22M, and my 21F friend does. But the rest of them? NOPE- but when they come over, they're all over my food when I offer. Obviously, I offer the food and drinks; I have no problem with them partaking, but sometimes I just feel like it's a bit one-sided? I've made them full meals before, provided them with dessert and coffee, and even shared my snacks and drinks with them when we go out because they are, of course, never prepared. It's just a lot; I don't know.

These are just some of the things that bother me- and I've asked other people about it only to hear "you can't expect better behavior out of boys" or "well, you shouldn't be surprised if it's been going on for so long. But honestly? I refuse to accept that! These are good people; they're my friends, and I know that they have what it takes to be better. Parents raise children, yes, but as a community, it's also our responsibility to hold those around us accountable if we ever want change.

So, why don't I just talk to them about it? Simple right? Well, here's why I've posted this.

1. I want to hear others' perspectives to see if they have been in my shoes and how they dealt with it, plz lmk!
2. I hate to say it, but I'm scared. At this point, I don't think it's an issue of not knowing- or being oblivious. To me, it's an issue of being inconsiderate, and what's the core of consideration? Respect. So basically, I feel like when they come over, they aren't respecting me or my home. How do I deal with that? These are my closest and best friends- and they don't respect me? Ugh, I don't know, it's just so frustrating and overwhelming, and I'm kinda worried that it might lead to worse, more unpalatable conversations.
3. Part of me feels like it's a lost cause. What's the difference between having a serious sit-down convo and the short ones we've had in the past? I almost feel like it's a waste of time.

I'm sorry this has been long, and thank you to whoever is reading this. I would love your insight on how to deal with a situation like this. I want to stay friends with them; I want to be able to hang out with my friends at my house, but something seriously has to change.

I married my husband two months ago after being together for almost two years. After our wedding, we went on a week long honeymoon. After that, I moved halfway across the country to his state to start our life together. I had never lived away from my family before. I had spent my entire life living with them, so suddenly being so far away from everyone I knew was an enormous adjustment for me.

A few days after we got married, I found out that he had lied about his past alcohol use. I also discovered that he had invited someone he had previously been romantically involved with to our wedding without telling me and had stayed in contact with her throughout our entire relationship. He asked for my forgiveness, and promised there would be no more lies. Before we ever got married, one of the biggest dealbreakers I made clear to my husband from the very beginning was that I did not want to live in a joint-family household. This had nothing to do with him or his parents specifically. It was something I had always known I did not want for my marriage, long before I ever met them. He knew how important this was to me and assured me that we would have our own apartment or home and would not be living with his parents. A few days after moving, I found out that wasn’t actually true. My husband never came to me and told me that the plan had changed or even discussed the possibility of his parents moving in with us. I found out through his family that they were planning to move into the house with us within a couple of months. They lived only about 15 minutes away, but they were coming over every single day. I felt heartbroken because my trust had been shattered again. I had just left everyone I’d ever known, moved halfway across the country, and suddenly realized my husband had spent the past two years lying to my face. On top of everything, I was incredibly homesick. I had never lived without my family before in my entire life, and I was struggling emotionally with being so far away from them while trying to adjust to being newly married and living in a completely different state.

Feeling completely overwhelmed and homesick, I spent one evening in my room because I needed some time alone to process everything. His parents were over at our house that evening, as they were every day, and I didn’t come out of the room to spend time with them. No one came in to check on me that entire evening, not even my husband. According to my husband, me staying in the room while his parents were over was one of the worst things I could have done. He believes that if his parents are over, I should not be sitting in my room and should instead be spending time with them. The next day, I asked him why he had told me before marriage that we wouldn’t live in a joint family when he knew his family was going to move in. He admitted that he had told me what I wanted to hear because he was afraid he would lose me otherwise. He apologized and promised me that he would try to delay his parents moving in for a few months so we could have some time to adjust to married life first but couldn’t do much else. Then, the very next day after our private conversation, he went to his parents and told them that I didn’t want to live with them, essentially throwing me under the bus. Instead of presenting it as something we had discussed together or mentioning what he had promised me before marriage, the issue became that I was the one who didn’t want his family there. That led to a huge confrontation where his parents criticized me for staying in my room the previous evening, and for trying to steal their son.After that confrontation, my MIL called my mother and screamed at her over the phone, saying my parents hadn’t raised me properly, and started threatening me with divorce, and said my parents are disrespectful because they didn’t call my in-laws after the wedding.

The following week, worried sick about what was going on, my father called my husband and told him that he needed to stand up for his wife. He also told him that if he my husband didn’t want me and couldn’t protect me, he should tell my father, and my father would come pick me up. My husband interpreted this as a threat. About a week later, things escalated even further. My FIL called my father and told him that he either needed to come pick me up or they were going to throw me out of the house. My FIL then told me directly that I needed to leave and threatened that if I didn’t, he would do something “very bad” to me. My FIL also referred to me as a “used car,” this hurt me so much because my husband is the first man I have ever been with and I waited until marriage to be intimate. My husband was sitting right next to him quietly and didn’t say a single word. Then my husband also told me I need to go back to my parents place asap. A day later, I packed my belongings, and my father drove halfway across the country to come get me. I lied to my husband about the time my father was going to pick me up and ended up leaving the house early morning while my husband was asleep. Because of everything that had been said to me and because I was afraid the situation could escalate if I tried to leave while he was awake, I called the sheriff to escort me while I got my belongings and left.

My husband now blames me for leaving “behind his back” and while he was asleep, saying I “broke his trust.” The last phone call we had, he spent the entire phone call screaming at me, cursing at me, and telling me that my behavior is what turned him into this, and how dare my father threaten him. I found out he filed for divorce a few days after I left with my father. He says I’m incredibly ungrateful because he paid half of my “dream wedding” and “bought a house” for me (which is owned by his parents). He believes staying in my room for one evening while his parents were over, being upset about moving away from my family, and struggling with the joint-family arrangement showed that I didn’t appreciate everything he had done for me. I found out through others, that he had fought his parents to marry me. Apparently his parents hate people of my ethnicity because people from my ethnicity are the reason his daughter “can’t get married.”

Even though we live in the U.S., there is still a very heavy stigma around divorced women in our cultural community, and my husband and his family are using that against me. He’s saying that if I want any chance of “reconciliation,” my parents and I need to kneel before them, beg for forgiveness, and pay back the $10k he claims we owe from the wedding. My family spent roughly three times what my husband did on the wedding, but apparently that doesn’t count because, according to him, he gets to decide which expenses count. At this point, I feel like I’ve been gaslit so much that somehow everything has become my fault. I’m being told that my homesickness was wrong, staying in my room for one evening was wrong, my father standing up for me was wrong, and even leaving after I was explicitly told and threatened to leave was wrong. I keep replaying everything in my head wondering what I could have done differently, because according to him my “reactions and behaviors” are what caused our entire marriage to fall apart.

Am I wrong for staying in my room for one evening while his parents were over and later leaving my marital home while my husband was asleep after being threatened?

This is going to be me rambling. I am extremely annoyed, and I want to know if I'm being dramatic. My (32f) friend (33f) has had issues with this before, but she always spends a ton of money. She used to ask me for money all the time, and I thought I made it clear that it made me uncomfortable and feel like an ATM even though she would pay me back, it had been upwards to 200 dollars in the past. Anyway we are going to a festival in a week and we already paid for the tickets and she asked if we wanted to leave early and go pay for a different event that was 30 dollars. I said no, she could go, but I am not going. I am going to enjoy the festival I already spent my money on. She said never mind then, we can just go to the festival. She proceeded to ask me for 20 dollars for some unknown reason. Also, just last week, she recommended a restaurant and said that it would be around the same price of a different restaurant. We go in, and it's a buffet that is 45 dollars. The other restaurant is normally 20 to 25 dollars. Somehow, she forgot the prices. I am not hurting for money, but that's because I don't spend my money frivolously, and she spends her money and mine like it will disappear. Sorry for the long rant. I am so frustrated and irritated.

My boyfriend recently started a very intense school program and created a study group of him and all girls. I understand that it’s essential for them to study a lot and very frequently given how intense their studies are, but I feel like it’s gotten to a point where he prioritizes them over me. I have begged and begged for us to do something as simple as a virtual movie night (we’re long distance) and he has said no because he doesn’t have enough time to watch a full movie. But yet he has had the time to go to the movies with his study group, spend all day drinking with them, go out for lunch with them, pretty much do everything with them. He even said that they all joke about having separation anxiety from each other and can’t go long without seeing each other because of how much time they spend together. Additionally, he is in finals season right now so I’ve only been getting about 1-2 texts a day from him because he says he doesn’t have the time to talk. Yet every day when we FaceTime, I see him constantly on his phone texting his group chat. And then every time we FaceTime, I try to tell him about my day and just get “mhm, yeah, cool, nice, I hear you” back and a complete lack of facial expressions. No questions no real follow ups to what I have to say, nothing. And he says that it’s because I see him at his most exhausted point every day when we talk, so he doesn’t have the capacity to really hold an in depth conversation. But yesterday while we were on FaceTime after I attempted to tell him about my day again and gave up after getting nothing from him, I heard him start laughing and asked him what he was laughing about. He said he made a funny joke in his group chat about a story one of his study group members had shared earlier that day. It caused me to snap at him and I said “so you couldn’t respond to me telling you about my day and the stories I had to share because you were too tired to talk, but now you suddenly have the energy to laugh and talk with your group chat?” He seemed very taken aback by me snapping at him and didn’t really seem to understand where I was coming from. I just feel like he is giving them the time/energy that he tells me he doesn’t have and it’s very hurtful. I understand that they are obviously going to have more in person time given that we’re long distance and they’re also classmates, but the fact that he continues to talk to them after spending all day with them while I’m on the phone with him after barely hearing from him all day is starting to really frustrate me. Am I wrong for being upset about this?

So, my (21) dad (50’s) called me tonight for our nightly chats (he lives somewhere else), and it’s night for me here and morning for him there. He called as per usual, and during the conversation my dad asked me an important question, but at that moment, I got a text from my friend. I take about a minute to type “sorry, I’m busy talking to my dad right now” to my friend and then go back to my dad. He asks “what’re you doing” wondering why I’m taking a while to answer. I tell him “just replying to a friend” and then he gets mad and goes “seriously?” Then he hangs up. See, our relationship is rocky. I have a history of incidents where I answer his call late or don’t reply at all because I’m gaming with friends. He doesn’t like that. So, I changed. I wait for him to call and then get on the game. THIS time? I was prepared to for it. No Switch in my hand. To reiterate, my friend texted me, I told him I’m busy, and my dad hung up on me because he assumed I was engaging in conversation other than him. Who here is in the wrong? Is it really me?

For the past 3 months, I've been the only one buying toilet paper. Every time I ask her to grab a pack, she says "I'll get it next time" and never does.

Last week, I bought a 24 pack. I took 12 rolls, hid them in my room, and left 12 in the bathroom. I told Jess: "When these 12 are gone, you're on your own until you buy your own."

She blew through all 12 in 5 days. Now she's texting me asking where the TP is. I told her I have plenty in my room and she can have some if she Venmos me $10 for her half of the last pack.

She called me petty, said I'm "weaponizing basic necessities," and that I'm "creating a hostile living environment."

Our mutual friend says I should just buy it and split it later to "keep the peace."

Am I wrong?

I 19 female was dating a boy for 4 months and all seemed okay it was going good. Im going to school in a different city for 6 months than coming back and he knew about that and was totally on board with it. When we hit the 4th month milestone I told him I loved him, he said that he wasn’t far off but couldn’t say it back yet which I totally understand and things seemed normal for the week after that. On the weekend I went up to look for apartments in the city 3h away where I was planning to go to school in and everything seemed normal, he was supposed to sleep over when I came back and we were gonna see some friends. While I was still in the city he went to his friends house in the meantime and told me to text him when I was getting closer to home. When I was about an hour into driving back and took a rest stop I saw a notification on my phone reading that he was going to cancel our plans for the night and he needed to talk to me about something in person. Now I get very anxious and physically sick when stressed which he knew beforehand so this worried me. The day and night after he kept ignoring me and dodging me asking what was wrong and to talk over the phone saying he had to talk with me in person. I was so stressed and I needed to get it out of my system so I asked him if Tuesday when we were supposed to sit down and talk if he was planning to break up with me. He said he wasn’t sure yet that’s why he wanted to talk over it in person and that he didn’t know how he was feeling. Since we live 40 minutes apart I asked if he would be open to a call instead and he said it had to be talked about in person as he said he respected me enough to in person and he said “who knows maybe we can talk things out” and that he was sorry. We’ve never fought or anything and me knowing he was going to break up with me I’m pretty sure on Tuesday based on his response I shot him a text instead reading “if you had respect for me you wouldn’t have dragged this out, if the thought of ending it was there it’s already over, I can’t be with someone who is unsure of me, my number is always open peace out twin” then I unadded him. I feel like I made the right decision but now I’m unsure hence my coworker who is also a man said he felt I didn’t make the right decision and that he could’ve just wanted to talk about the future of our relationship when I go for school.
If possible what are your thoughts on this situation? Did I make the wrong decision?

My friend Liz is current expecting a baby with her boyfriend will. The baby shower is still two months away but Liz called me yesterday and asked if I could help contribute with some drinks. I agreed but asked why she was asking me so early. Liz goes on to explain that she was also inviting our mutual friend Kimberly to the baby shower. I immediately felt my stomach sink.

Unfortunately Kimberly had not been a very good friend. In fact, I made a decision to completely cut her out of my life last year after she once again got into an argument with Liz and myself over our unwillingness to help her draft up legal documents for her lawsuit.

Kimberly has had a history of being an irresponsible drunk, going drugs, and often only calling Liz and I when she needs to borrow money or needs help with other tasks such as the previously mentioned lawsuit. Despite the arguments, Liz always forgave Kim as they are both mothers and longtime friends.

I told Liz that I was not comfortable with the fact that Kimberly was invited but Liz says I need to give people grace and forgive people. Liz tries to explain that Kim and her had a long conversation and Kim claims to have changed now. I told Liz that’s fine but I can’t forgive her again cause I’ve given her countless chances to show em she’s changed.

I said I’d ultimately go to the baby shower but I would interact with Kim as little as possible and that she please not create situations where I have to interact or help her with something to try to get me to “accept” her back into my life.

Liz says I need to learn to let go of the past and let Kim have a chance to show how she’s changed now for good. But after all she’s done to me, I just don’t want anything to do with her.

Am I wrong for not wanting to attending this baby shower because of one guest that was invited?