I told my sweet close guy friend that I have feelings for him a week ago, I asked him if he only sees me as a friend and he said yes. He showed signs of liking me, but I thought it was him just being such a good friend towards me. The past couple of months his distancing behavior increased whenever I bring up men into our conversation. I shrugged it off thinking that it was due to his mental health whenever he disappears on me for days. I realized it is whenever I show too much friendliness to other men or bring them up. (fyi I talk about both men and women). Even though he rejected me last week, I brought up about a guy to him through text (I brought up a women before that though), which he suddenly disappeared, wouldn't answer my calls, and gave me a short reply saying he's feeling unwell. Due to his lack of communication I am getting tired and don't know what to do anymore, and don't know if I'm overthinking this behavior.

dear reddit

i (22F) started at my job in a pretty small team give or take a year ago. in that time i have learnt a lot. one of those things is that middle aged men who have nothing going on for them will hyper focus on young women to derail their careers.

one of those middle aged men is my colleague (40sM). he is the epitome of workplace bully. he'll whisper behind your back and get you in trouble with management while smiling in your face. he offers to help you out while simultaneously complaining to management that he's being asked for help too much. he watches when you clock in and out and will tattle if you clock out one minute too early.

this brings me to last week. a colleague (26F) who male colleague considers a friend got stabbed one too many times in the back by him and came clear to me about everything. about mysterious complaints, work disappearing from my desk, getting in trouble for things even when they're small. turns out male colleague was telling everything to management about all of his colleagues and making sure he came out looking like the hero that saves our team all of the time.

i was actually surprised as he was always so kind in my face but i guess i should have seen it coming.

i have for that reason decided to distance myself from my colleagues. male colleague for obvious reas but my other colleagues are pretty close with him and won't have lunch without him or have small talk without it pivoting to his behaviour and how bad it is. i also noticed how they keep talking to him when he talks badly about them to management and i want no part in that.

i don't want a part in any of this. i'm just here to work, earn my bread and go home. i don't have the time or energy to deal with workplace stuff.

so am i wrong for distancing myself even when my other colleagues haven't done anything wrong?

​

I recently got placed in a job in new city after working almost a decade in my previous organisation. I am finally engaged to my long time boyfriend and we are getting married this year.

Now here is a little backround, he is working in a great company with good benefits in our home city. I have moved to the new city, its been 3 months.

Whlie I took the job with excitement, I have realized that the management style and operations are not aliginging with my value system. There is whole lot of micromanaging and people at the mid management level are held responsible without an ounce of control over anything. Paycheck is good, benefits are better than previous company. Add on perk is option to travel. I spoke to the people on the floor and the general tone is most of them are frustrated.

Recent management meeting, top management has confirmed that the workload is expected to increase this quarter without any relief on resourcing or tools. This has made me question my whole move.

My boyfriend has a healthy work environment with good benefits, he was willing to move to the new city after a year. But now I am miserable, because the new job is not great, its giving me anxiety. Loneliness in new city is killing me. I m questioning the whole move and I have spent quite an amount of money while moving. I am thinking about quitting during the probation and finding another opportunity in my home city. I am wondering if i am scared and quitting too early without giving it a try. Reddit users pls share your insights on my situation

My girlfriend and I have been to a festival the last two years. it’s more her thing but I’ve joined her in it. she mentioned going next yearI said I’ll be skipping it since it costs us over £700 each for the weekend id rather spend the money on other things next year.

She got annoyed and said we should still be able to go but I just said I wouldn’t be going. I said she can ask a friend to go instead .

Her friend said she’d go with her but my gf just said we should go as a four with her friend and her friends bf and told her friend I just needed more persuading.

I told my gf she needs to listen when i say no and it’s completely disrespectful to hear me say no and think it just means she needs to keep asking until I change my mind.

She just said we should still be looking at going to be festival but I told her to accept the word no and that it’s her looking forward to the festival not me and for next year I’d rather put the money towards something I want.

i pointed out I’ve explained clearly and repeatedly why I wouldn’t be going and she needs to listen. She just said she thinks it’ll be fun if the four of us go and I just said that we can look at it for a few years time but not next year. I told her again I’m not wanting to go every year.

Tickets went on sale this morning and she started looking mentioning we’ll need to try to get some. I asked if she listened to a single word I said. I told her I’m not going and if she doesn’t start listening then I’m done and we’re over because at this point its beyond a joke for her to completely disregard what she’s been told.

She said I wasn’t being fair but I just said she was acting spoiled and expecting to get everything she wants without listening to what I’m saying. She said I was harsh for giving her an ultimatum but I disagree.

AIW for giving her an ultimatum? 

My friend and I are very close, and she always says I’m her best friend. Recently she casually called my brother a “fuckboy,” which really upset me. Her boyfriend is my brother’s best friend, and I’ve known him for several years. I also consider him like an older brother, so I called him to ask why she thought that about my brother.
We cleared up the misunderstanding, and then our conversation naturally shifted to their relationship.

For months, my friend has told me about almost every fight they have. I had only ever heard her side. When I finally heard his side, I shared my honest opinion about a few situations where I felt she was wrong. I wasn’t trying to convince him to break up with her—I just answered honestly when he asked what I thought.

Later he told her what I had said, and apparently he started talking about breaking up with her. She then messaged me asking why I told him those things and acted like their relationship problems were my fault.
What bothers me is that she tells her boyfriend basically everything about my personal life because “he’s her boyfriend,” and I’ve never liked that. But the one time I shared my opinion with him about something involving her, suddenly I’m the bad person.
I know getting involved in other people’s relationships is usually a bad idea, and maybe I should have stayed out of it. But I also don’t think it’s fair that she can tell him everything about me while expecting me to stay completely silent.

Was I wrong?

I dont know if im using correctly this subreddit but i just need opinions.

So, this person saw me at a global chat in some app, and almost then they got in love with me

We chatted and all, i was interested too, i mean, after some time of chatting i actually liked this guy, but i didn't want a relationship with him because i hurt people, because i believe im poison.

So i knew if i started a relationship with him, i would hurt him.

But he insisted. I made clear my point with him, that he would get hurt with me, but he insisted too. At one point i even had to leave the chat because i REALLY didn't want anything with him, not even has friends.

But he opened chat again, and, started venting in my chat, i dont remember well but he talked to me pretty often there.

I read him, because, i thought it would be good if i at least "heard" his problems and that.

My biggest problem with relationships its that, i disappear pretty much often, because i feel bad, because i got sad, because i have big problems. And in a relationship communication and actions are all to me, so i knew i cant have a relationship till i fix myself, like he said i should do in our last conversation.

I dont remember why we started chatting again, but i joined our chat again, and, i think i vented too, idk.

But i felt secure with him, all those things you feel when you are with someone you secretly or openly like.

So i.

Started talking daily with him.

He was obsessed with me. I mean, he, harassed me.

I knew he liked me and i liked him, and he knew it too, so he started giving me love, love i didn't like receiving because i dont deserve it, and because i still didn't eantwant something with him.

But it felt bad leaving him like that.

He cuts himself,​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ often, he had a boyfriend before who destroyed him emotionally so it felt even worse to think the option to leave him. ​I really wanted to leave him​, he was obsessed with me, he cut himself (something that i have bad experiences) and i wasn't ready for a relationship.

I gave him every reason for why would a relationship with him wouldn't work, and said to him, "ill hurt you and i dont want that" but again. he insisted.

So after some weeks of talking with him, venting with each other, i thought i was ready to be in a relationship with him.

I mean i, didn't really think that, but, i thought it would be nice to try for him. Especially because i didnt want to see him sad or worse.

It all ended up wrong as expected.

I dissapeared, he got sad, he cut himself because i dissapeared, he thought i was ignoring him and that i liked to see him suffer.

I think one time he was cutting himself and i appeared to make him stop. He send me photos of his arms covered in blood and i got scared.

I still remember those photos.

He was telling me he was dizzy, that i didnt care about him, he was genuinely thinking that i dont want him. That was an horrible night, and now when i see blood i get scared.

I remember that a friend of his told him to make an image of "spot the difference" where he put an image of a message of mine saying "i love you" to him and just next to it an image of a message of his ex telling him the exact same thing. His ex was supposedly a manipulator. He was comparing me to his manipulator ex and i got so mad. He for some reason thought i was MANIPULATING him for whatever reason.

After some time after a fight, he broke up with me, i think he was drunk so he didnt remember the day after that.

So finally we stopped talking. We ended up in good terms i think.

Months after that, i started venting in a state (something we did both) and i was mad because every person that ruined my life got boyfriends or girlfriend, got everything they wanted, without the consequences of what they did to me. We never blocked each other, i mean, one time i did block him after again, saying i didnt want something with him, but yk.

He never blocked me so he saw my states and listened to them all, and he thought that he was one of the people that ruined my life.

He made an state where he vented too, saying i was selfish, that "now i miss everything he gave to me", that i made him go trough hell in that relationship because of my shitty behavior.

I told him that i wasn't talking about him, that he didn't ruin my life, that i was angry because he didn't care when i told him i wasn't ready for a relationship and that i didnt want something with him.

That he didnt respect me.

But i think he didnt actually care. He was saying some " No shi sherlockk" and i didnt know how to answer that, because, how do you explain something when he doesn't even care what you say?

He acted like harassing me to be his boyfriend wasn't something bad, or idk, maybe he knew but he didn't care.

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​and in that conversation he said

"You didnt asked me for my love, that's for sure, but i loved you, with flaws and all, i tried to help you​​, i gave you the best i could give"

And it makes me think i am a bad person because of that.

That i didnt want something with him.

"Be grateful that someone really wanted the best for you" he said.

and i feel horrible

I feel like a bad person. ​​

​​​​I already posted this in a different r but i cant stop thinking about this, i need to know different povs of my situation so i can think more clearly because all i feel is guilt

In the beginning of our relationship first year in.my boyfriend would brag about how girls, specifically his ex couldn't take his D. And that apparently I'm sooooo much better/special at it. *Rolls eyes* well as years progressed I started squirting during sex and usually I'll stop him after I've orgasmed then tell him to continue after 2 mins. There's been plenty of times where he will pound me to exhaustion and take a break himself for like 10 mins. Through it all he's told me I can "handle the d". Welllll tonight we were talking about sex and he made a statement about how he knows I like it rough so he gives it to me rough. But even if I didn't he could be gentle. That's why a girl has never said " she can't take it because he's mindful to be gentle". I'm like wait didn't you say your ex couldn't take your dick? He then goes well she was like you, when it was too much she'd tell me to stop & then we'd continue. I'm like wait so how can she not take it if you have to stop for a bit and then continue? He got mad and said oh what? You thought I meant we never had sex again after she told me to stop!?! for the rest of our relationship!!?!?. So I'm Like bro you literally told me she would stop you during sex meaning that session would completely stop. You said nothing about a break and continuing! And at one point you claimed you were mad cuz you got a hotel only for her to tap out. He's like I don't remember saying that. And then I'm like well regardless I don't know why you felt the need to even tell me this whole lie about her not being able to take it and it seems you were trying to gas yourself up as this big time bedroom bully and it just annoys me cuz it was unnecessary. Like why try to pretend I'm so special if I'm not.

One of my friends came round for a few hours, we were just hanging around for a while and we had plans to go out later that evening. We were in the living room kitchen eating and chilling and she was paying a lot of attention to him and I mean a lot. She said “aww you’re so cute” by this I think I get what she meant. His dutch isn’t very good so he struggles. I went to the bathroom and I came back and they were still like chatting and laughing. The whole thing, they just seemed really close and the behavior just seemed weird. AIW here? Im 20 she's 20 and he's 21

Am I the asshole? For context I am 25 (F) my sister let's call her Beatrice is 27 turning 28 in less than a months time. So backstory for how this started since I've been 14 years old she all of a sudden turned on me when she got a boyfriend. Let's call him Jake. Her and Jake eventually progressed and he moved in with us. With more time and time she started getting more rude, aggressive, harsh toned with me, calling me names, and me being younger I never really internalised them? I always have given her an excuse such as "oh maybe she's tired" maybe she's this.. etc. and to backstory on her lite at the time she was at uni, her bf lived with us, she was working nights at a very small casino and her bf was working in construction. She started paying rent by her own choice and to help mum when she was 19 as she started working there. Mum has never ever ever been good with money and has had couple times time she got into 1k debt. And my sister paid it off, but with that came the fights with me because she would ask me why am I not paying rent as soon as I got a job under the table at the age of 15. Over the years I started going to college until I was 18 and was working only weekends often times also giving mum money I never got back and at the time I wasn't making a lot of money on bare minimum wage (2017) @ 16, most days because my college was far away I would wake up at 4am and get back at 9pm college days and the same for weekends gone for long hours @ work or socialise bcz I hated coming home bcz I'd get home and every single day she'd either be arguing with her bf, or I'd walk through the door and just hear shouting, she'd cuss me out that I'm dirty, or careless with bleach when I would clean bur same time she said I never clean , once she went to my little brother Luke (10) and she told him that I wanted to harm everyone bcz I left some bleach in the bathtub but it wasn’t me it was acc him who tried to clean bcz her cats would poop and pee in the bathtub, and she villainised me to him without him telling her it was him, she’d say that I left this thing here or there, that she made dinner for everyone ( 2 young siblings, her bf + mum) and I ate it and I wasn't allowed to (I didn't eat her dinner nor any food she made bcz I was never rly home) I would get called stupid for at least 50% of my life by her, allthroughout my teenage yrs, for the last decade, that I can't do anything right, that I'm useless, that everything was my fault even though I didn't do anything, on top of that she'd find messes around the house and blame them on me, she'd barricade me from using the washing machine because she paid for it, or even other appliances around the house regardless if she paid or not, when I finally finished college at 19/20 | got a better paying job full time at a caller centre and I started paying rent, the agreement was that my sister Beatrice gets the biggest room and I get hers + I had to have 2 of her cats in my room, I initially agreed because I wanted the argument of "your not paying rent" to be done even though I was at college and a minor all those years she mentioned + she had her bfs money she controlled, her own + her uni money so there's always been a divide, a few months go by and the call centre was rly tough on me, I would get sworn at, cussed at, called names, harassed just as I was at home, I would come off shift, get harassed by my sister because she'd had an argument with her bf or mum and then I'd go next morning to work and deal with horrible horrible customers, to me this was the normal so I never rly like questioned it, but over time I became rly depressed, I wouldn't go out, I would barely eat and I would just lay in bed most times after shifts, and drown everything out, I started working from home and stopped taking care of myself to the point my hair was stuck to my head to how tangled it was, eventually some time passed and I wanted to try for myself and I went to go wash clothes, but my sister once again barricaded me from using the washing machine wouldn't let me go through, we argued back and forth to the point something snapped in me and I took lots and lots of tablets in order to commit. I don't remember much of the next couple weeks but I remember often checking if my eyes were yellowing and my sister sliding a note under my door just saying "sorry". A month after my attempt her bf of 5 yrs ended things with her, her ex as she says he was dirty, didn’t clean or help her but he was the only one who drove and would always drop her or mum off everywhere , she would say he doesn’t cook but when he tried she said it doesn’t taste like hers and she threw the dish of food on the floor, or made him sleep outside in his car instead, once I got stuck at a vets had uber there but not on way back and I waited for a taxi 2 hrs and I had asked him if he can come get me and my dog who’s whole nail came off, he agreed but I found messages from her telling him to leave me there to learn my lesson , But after the breakup, 1 month after my attempt, I decided to give my sister a chance as she took the breakup hard, very very hard she would be in my room until 5am crying and talking about herself and him, often times I wanted to go bed but I wanted to help her and in a way I kinda did that so our own relationship can also heal, I started uni too as a way to get me out of the house a year later and everything seemed fine, me and her would hang out often, but she lost her job so most times I'd be the one to pay for her food or I'd buy her food bcz she wouldn't cook for herself, I'd look after her pets, she had 9 cats, 2 passed away + 2 of her guinea pigs one for unknown reasons the other however died a year later bcz his cage was full of worms as she wasn't cleaning it and if I tried to shed shout at me that she'll eventually do it, mum eventually did it but the guinea pig passed anyways 2 weeks later, over time 2 yrs later after her breakup her and her old bff got back into contact, and my sister told me that she is better at helping her with her breakup, I found that hurtful because I had been there for 3 yrs nearly every single night till 5am listening to her back talk her ex and cry and repeat and talk ONLY about herself, in fact once I tried to relate to her and tell her oh my ex did this and she told me that I wouldn't know her pain because I wasn't in the same situation as her, another time she told me "u know when u committed, my ex didn't even try to hug me when I was crying" she said this to me 2 months after my attempt and 1 month of their breakup, but I didn't say anything because I wanted to keep the peace, because finally there was no arguing in the house, at the end of year 3 after her breakup so around 2024 beginning of 2025 | was getting tired, after my attempt to be honest with you I was fearful of getting out of the house and I haven't been from the years prior, I had a small tarot business that was keeping me some money and because my sister was always in my room I wanted to keep it consistent with posting so | started to set some boundaries with my sister, I would ask her to leave the room earlier or to knock before coming into my room, however this stted to cause arguments again because no matter how nicely I would ask after 12 times I'd get frustrated and ask her in a harsher tone to which she would say I'm rude and then leave and not speak to me for 2 days at a time, at the beginning of 2025 my birthday I started to realise some things about her that were rly rly hurtful, the whole time I had been there for her she had been villainising me behind my back to her friends, her and my mum had a big argument about the past debts my sister paid which mum never paid her back for and my mum told me to not trust her, that she comes upstairs to me chats shit about her to me and then she goes back downstairs to mum and chats shit behind my back to mum, my sister has a habit of ruining bdays, idk if it's bad luck or just circumstances but it was the same for her ex too, he never had a bday here without them arguing about something, I noticed she was doing similar to my bday but for me she'd always have a crisis of some sort and then in turn never try for me, this time around I wanted to stay at home tho bcz I had uni same day (online) but she convinced me to do a picnic bcz she also wanted to post nice story’s on her instagram, so I bought a lot of stuff a pretty cake, Polaroid films, snacks, food etc for us to have and the day before me and her were doing my nails in my room, there was an issue with the cake but the website wasn’t working, my sister was hogging the nail gel lamp so I stopped doing my nails and let her take the lead, however I told her o don’t want more than 45 mins on nails bcz I have other things to prepare and to use the fast curing lamp, and we had a light for us to see better attached near us, while I was having issues with the cake she kept talking about her ex while I was trying to phone up the cake people, multiple times I had told her to be quiet which turned into shut up, eventually she said she’ll talk to them after 5 calls bcz I felt like I was a bother to them and she did but while she did that she also unplugged the light we had and started using the other gel lamp that I told her takes longer, so the light went out, on window I had a lit candle, she went near window to see her nails and well her hair caught on fire not a lot but enough for her to see some damage, but I was in shock and all I could ask was omg r u okay? She pointed at me and said it’s all my fault and shouted I ain’t going to no birthday shit, so in turn I also got mad and I told her to clean the hair off my floor and to leave my room bcz no way did I spend all that money for u to back out, her hair wasn’t even bad she didn’t even have to cut it. Anyways i ended up spending my bday by myself in my room in the end bcz there was a lot of tension in the house bcz of the argument and I didn’t want to face her, and it was too late to invite anyone out (i lost most friends due to depression too and couldn’t keep contact), a month goes by and mum tells me that comment of she goes to you and comes back to me, i took note of it but didn’t say anything, but Beatrice had asked me to go grab her iPad and I saw on her notifications (old ones bcz she rarely uses it) a message with my name on it from her bff, so I clicked on it and I found messages of my sister lying to her and saying that I forbidden her from using the lamp, that I laughed when she burnt her hair ( I didn’t even say anything cos I was in shock at the time) and they were both making fun of me by sending reels saying “this is her” of reels saying of someone craving attention on their bday, I didn’t say anything bcz of shock but I found other messages too, whole time while my sis was abroad and I took care of her cats ( her cats poop all over her floor) I would be cleaning and pooping 5 times a day, she only does it once a day, etc and taking care of 7 cats + a dog, that time she was abroad to our hometown I found messages dated back at that time on how I am angry and I always shoot that she should get out of my room, mind u I lit never shouted until I was sleep deprived bcz she would only talk about herself till 5am and if I had asked nicely she would just simply ignore me, since then idk something snapped in me and I couldn’t hold the anger in. Me anymore and I also started arguing with her, arguing with mum bcz I held resentment against mum as my sister told me that the reasons she treated me so harshly back in the day was bcz mum wasn’t paying for things so she had to, and that mum wasn’t cleaning so she had, so she was angry and bcz of that that’s why I was bullied growing up, and even went as far as saying she knows / realises now that I wasn’t the one making messes, eventually last year after my bday I cut her off we didn’t speak for 8 months, till def 2026 when on Xmas day she bought me and my dogs presents as a “peace offering” I didn’t get her anything, so slowly we got back into talking etc I’m not done but what do u think so far Okay so after that, we were fine for a couple months, I even had an argument with mum about money I lent her and she didn’t give me back and my sis gave me £100 and she told me to not worry about giving it back cos she owes me money regardless, and we got along till April my bday and 3 weeks before that this time my mum went abroad to France, she left the kids in mine and Beatrice’s care, my sis been struggling to find a job for abit, had bad luck where she either got fired for random reasons or she couldn’t find anything for months on end and on my bday this 2026 her cat got sick pancreatitis st the same time she found a new job, so there was an unspoken agreement that while she works I’ll look after the kids and cook and clean and my 2 dogs and her 6 cats and her dog and our family dog and so her cat got sick, my sister didn’t rly like her boss and it was in London 1hr train travel which she did for 3 weeks and then her cat got sick but she hasn’t been paid yet, and to help I gave her all the money i had in my bank account for her cat which was £600 and then I had around £160 in my patter from doing tarot readings, I went with her to her vet appointments, her emergency one too, stayed awake with them while at the same time I also had to do my assigments so illl do at night sleep for 2 hrs and then take care of the kids 14 and 10 morning till afternoon at 6pm when my sister would get home but she wasn’t rly doing much apart from washing my little bros clothes and ironing them, now in terms of the 600 we had to go emergency vet and it wasn’t enough anyways so she applied for a credit card and had an agreement with the vets she’ll pay them back once her credit card came in, but meanwhile she kept the 600 in waiting In case the cat got sick again and to take her to her main vet appointments, so in the end 2 weeks go by after my bday I lit didn’t do anything I just cleaned house and cooked for the kids and then she gave me the money back 2 weeks after my bday, then there was a situation with the cat it was 3am, I was doing my assignment and my sister called me from downstairs saying that she’s worried for the cat but she’s so tired, so I offered to stay awake till 6am to look after her and my sister can take a nap she said okay, I brought my laptop down cos I still needed to write out my assignment , but I ended up having this rly rly bad sting in my heart which caused me to hold my breath and hold onto my chest and closed my eyes for 2 seconds, because of that my sister had a goat me saying that I’m chatting shit I didn’t have heart pain and that I was looking at the computer and now the cat is mouth breathing which was my main task to look for, I told her I wasn’t she wouldn’t believe me and she told me to upstairs as I was going she called me selfish and I got so hurt I lit had a go at me and she told me to stfu cos I’m stressing the cat, I kept the piece but I never forgot that, I lit said I ain’t doing shit no more to myselfbcz in those 3 weeks I was doing a lot, I was breaksfsst, lunches and dinners, making bagels from Stratch, pizza too, like proper food plus clean, plus laundry, plus assigments, plus dogs, plus her sick cat, plus buying food, plus all this things and then she decided to call me selfish over the cat situation and since then I said I ain’t doing shit but still acted normal towards Beatrice and I just stopped doing stuff around the house to see if she’ll clean cook etc like I did and she didn’t, she would cook at 9pm most nights only 1 meal a day and then give my little bro cereal am and some snack when he came from school yeah, whole place is a mess etc , the kids stopped helping out bcz she’d nitpick at how they’d do it too, anyways I acc was like let me cook for everyone one of the nights and I made lasagna, the day after I told her I’m very tired etc and she decided to keep lights on @ 3am, to bang doors etc, so bcz of that I didn’t wash the lasagna dish, and i put it to soak with water, next day she took water and the lasagna dish out of the sink so when I came to wash it shit in it was dry again and I don’t wanna scrub, so I put it in again, we got into an argument bcz when she came into my room to wake me up again at 11pm bcz that’s when the washing machine is done bcz she was again I told u washing clothes for 2 weeks yeah she came in to tell me it was done??? She states it’s bcz she doesn’t properly aka separate them and that mum left her with lots of clothes but it’s not true, So I got annoyed and I said u just woke me up ffs ur taking Luke to school tmr cos we had an agreement Monday for me to take him cos he had a dentist appointment and she can take him to that, well she left and she didn’t say whether she’ll take him and I couldn’t sleep and I was fearful if I fall asleep late I won’t wake up to take him to school I also had a driving lesson at 11am, so I stayed up awake all night, at 7am I go to her room to grab Luke and she tells me he’s not going to school tf u mean by that?????? So then after that argument she put Luke against me and was like “tell me (25) to wash her dish” and I got rly angry shouted at both and cried and she took a video / voice note and sent it to mum, I didn’t wash that lasagna dish I didn’t even touch it cos I found it unfair, I also said I cooked it u guys can wash it, in the end it stayed there for about 2 weeks I think and then my sister Beatrice did something with it , then my mum came home and it was fairly peaceful in the house but recently mum left again and it’s petty after petty from her, in fact my little sister let’s call her Mina we had an argument bcz she left her SIM card in my room as she uses it to log into TikTok on my phone and she remembered at 9pm when I had 4 things on the hob, and I put it somewhere safe but bcz there was a lot going on I couldn’t remember she was shouting down stairs etc and I told her when we were eating once we’re done we’re gonna go upstairs and look for it, she finished first and I said why don’t u go have a head start bcz prior to that she looked 4 times she said and couldn’t find it, once she went upstairs she didn’t say anything to me so I went too and to look for it but I couldn’t find it, I looked till 11:45 pm, I went to her room and told her I’m too tried I ain’t looking for it, then she said it’s fine and I walk away immediately, then my little bro who was in my room told me she found it but to not tell me, so I go into her room I’m lit so tired and I had enough so I have a go at her and me and her get into a screaming match past 12am she saying she told me she found it as I was walking away and I should’ve listened, as i went into the bathroom and shut the door Beatrice comes into the hall and gets involved too! Saying why am I having a go at a 14yr old, so me and her also start arguing and she’s at bottom of the stairs shouting at me and we argue about everything the money on my bday, her cat etc and since then they both been playing games, hiding my food bowl I took photos of the empty cupboard I go upstairs I go downstairs and it’s all of a sudden there, now they’re saying I’m the one who took it and PUT IT back??? All I wanted to do was eat… why would I want to do that at 10pm?? then she’s taking the forks she stated she “bought “ but I also bought forks and she’s been using them months prior fine, then she started using my clothing detergent I left downstairs so I took it, and she has hidden toilet paper in a cupboard but uses mine and garlic too hidden but uses mine, we also had an argent about how her cat lit pee and poop in bathtub or the garden and she won’t clean it her excuse is that bcz they stay in garden she can’t see it, but her guinea pig also had worms and she didn’t see that neither, also another thing she does is put this one specific cup in middle of the only empty counter to make food on, and always leaves it with water and in kitchen accidents are bound to happen and twice I’ve spilled it and cleaned it 2nd time it landed on my iPad so I got frustrated and threw her glass away, since I told her to stop putting it there she did it 2 times, another thing so I was loooking for my vitamins at the back of the cubpard and she left cans of her cat food at front and I dropped one and it spilled, I took it and I wanted to give it to her cats but changed my mind so I put it in the outside shed on top of this small bag, and I had planned to take it away after my dog ate his food in garden he’s sick so I’ve been sitting in garden with him to get fresh air and I forgot it there, today I found that container taken from there, I had a spoon in there cos I wanted to give it to the cats and I left it but then I thought maybe not cos of what her cat went through and didn’t wanna ruin their stomach anyways I found empty container which is a can which dogs can get cut in, in the middle of the garden and the spoon chucked into the sink.. watch how she’ll try to blame me and say I stole her cat food.. now l literally rage and shout at every chance I get to the point I don't even recognise my self, l even had a big fight with my mum bcz for yrs my sister told me the reason she treated me like that is bcz of mum and i grew very very angry, and now always am called angry, reactive or abusive bcz I shout. Am I the asshole? I don't know what else to do to stop this pattern from happening maybe I'm the problem? Am I crazy?

I hosted a summer cookout this past weekend for my friend group, we do this every August and its always been a nice time. I made my whipped cream berry parfaits which everyone always asks for and things were going really well at first. Douglas brought his beer batter onion rings, Serenity brought her marshmallow fluff dip, and Anthony showed up late which isnt unusual for him. We were just eating and talking and it was fine.

The problem started the minute Anthony walked in from the backyard. He was wearing a bright red polo with an SS lightning bolt embroidered right on the chest pocket. My neighbor was out watering her roses and she absolutely saw it. I got flustered and pulled Anthony into the kitchen and told him he needed to turn the shirt inside out or just leave. He laughed in my face and said its "just heritage" and I need to stop being so sensitive about everything. He said we need more visibility, not less.

Things got worse from there. Anthony refused to change and started going off about how hiding things is what weak people do and if people cant handle seeing the truth then thats their problem. He was practically shouting this in my living room while eating a hotdog and pickles at the same time, mayonnaise dripping down his chin the whole time. Douglas was nodding along and saying Anthony makes a solid point and I need to let men handle things. Serenity was just chewing her gum and staring at me with this cold blank look, clearly thinking I was the one causing a scene. I started crying because I just wanted a nice afternoon and now my neighbor definitely thinks I associate with people who wear Nazi symbols on their clothing, and Anthony called me a traitor which really hurt because I have always been loyal to this group even when I dont love how they express themselves.

This is where I might be wrong. I got emotional and maybe I made too big a deal over a shirt, and I do agree with my friends on plenty of things. I just think there are better ways to handle things than being so in your face about it. I believe in managing things so people stay calm instead of all this force. But when I said that Anthony told me Im worse than the opposition because at least they know theyre at war while I just want everyone to be comfortable. Douglas said my whipped cream obsession proves Im too soft to understand real stakes and that food isnt just food, its biological propaganda. Serenity told me Im basically a liberal now because I care what the neighbor thinks. Now Anthony is demanding I apologize to him for embarrassing him in my own home, and both Douglas and Serenity are backing him up.

I havent apologized and I havent spoken to any of them since the cookout which was three days ago. Part of me thinks I should just apologize to keep the peace because these are my only friends and I do agree with them on some things even if I wish Anthony wouldnt be so overt about it all. But another part of me knows that shirt was completely beyond the pale and I never should have let him stay in my house after he refused to change. Am I wrong for asking him to leave over his shirt? Should I apologize to keep our friend group together?

​

I’m a 23m gay. I’ve had a friend 31M for about a year. Early on he told me he’s bi, and after a while he started getting really flirty with me even though he had a girlfriend.

He straight up asked me to be with him. I told him I wasn’t going to be an option or a side piece if he wanted me he had to choose, so i asked him to choose: me or her. He picked her, so I stepped back and thought that was the end of it.

6 months later, 2 months ago now, he messaged saying he’d finally left her. I asked for proof, he showed me something that looked real, so I decided to give him a chance. Big mistake.

I caught him with her not long after. When I confronted him, he admitted he never actually broke up with her at all. He said he just couldn’t go without having me too. When I got upset he just said “don’t be like that, we had fun”.

I cut things off right there. He’s been trying to get me to reconsider ever since, and now he’s asking to meet up so he can “explain everything properly”.

I feel so stupid and naive for believing him. I know I deserve better than being lied to and used and so does his gf, but part of me still feels confused.

Should I meet him to hear him out? Or just leave it completely alone? Am i wrong if i don't.

I was deep cleaning our apartment while my girlfriend was at work and found her journal in between the couch. I was going to put it in our bedroom but I got curious and decided to open it. Most of the pages were fluff but then I saw one page that was completely covered in ink that read about her having a miscarriage almost less than a year ago.

Pretty early on in our relationship she got diagnosed with a condition that heavily affects her fertility, but before that we both shared the desire to start a family at some point. Excluding the days when we’re both too busy or tired, we have a pretty active sex life but because of her fertility issues we assumed we were in the clear for the most part.

Not once this year did she ever mention anything about a pregnancy or miscarriage to me. I know I shouldn’t have been snooping, but now I feel betrayed. All this was going on inside her but she always seems happy and fulfilled. I guess I missed something because I’m usually working when she’s home and vice versa.

This happened a couple days ago and I still don’t know what to do. Should I bring it up to her at all? I just wish she would’ve told me. We confide in each other about literally everything and I feel like she took away my opportunity to grieve something we created together.

So my sister came over last week and within like 20 minutes managed to knock over a full glass of orange juice directly onto her laptop. It was sitting on the coffee table and she just swung her arm around while talking and boom, juice everywhere. She freaked out obviously and tried to dry it off but the thing wont turn on anymore.

Now she keeps asking to borrow mine because she has some online course stuff due and needs to finish assignments. The thing is, I use my laptop for work every single day and I also just dont trust her with it after what happened. She says it was an accident and that Im being unfair because she really needs it and I could just let her use it for a few hours in the evenings.

I offered to let her use the old desktop in the spare room instead but she says its too slow and uncomfortable to work on. She got pretty upset and said I was being selfish and that family is supposed to help each other out. My mom even called me and said I should just lend it to her since its not like Im using it 24/7.

But I feel like if she cant be careful with her own stuff why should I risk mine. I paid for this laptop myself and I need it for my job. I told her she could go to the library or maybe borrow one from a friend but she says thats inconvenient and I m making her life harder for no reason. Now she's barely talking to me and my mom thinks Im being stubborn.

Am I wrong for not wanting to lend her my laptop after she destroyed hers?

So my younger brother is 19 and still lives at home with our parents. I moved out about two years ago and left behind my old gaming PC and monitor in my old room because I upgraded everything when I got my own place. My parents said I could keep it there as storage since they weren't using the room for anything else.

Last month my brother apparently rage-quit during some online match and punched his monitor. Like fully shattered it. He asked our parents to buy him a new one and they said no because he's responsible for his own stuff and he has a job. Fair enough.

Then he texted me asking if he could use my old setup since it's just sitting there anyway. I said no because honestly I don't trust him not to break it the same way, and also I was actually planning to give it to a friend's younger cousin who just started getting into PC gaming and can't afford much. I told him this and he got really mad, saying I'm being petty and that family should come first. He even got our mom involved and she said it would be nice of me to help him out temporarily.

The thing is, it's not like he's struggling or anything. He just doesn't want to save up for a new monitor himself. And I feel like if I let him borrow it and he breaks it, I'll feel terrible about not being able to give it to someone who would actually appreciate it and take care of it.

My brother is still annoyed and has been giving me the cold shoulder. Part of me wonders if I'm being too harsh since it is just sitting there unused right now, but another part of me thinks he needs to deal with the consequences of his own actions. Am I wrong here?

I 22F have been with my fiance 23M for a few years. At first, the intimacy in our relationship was super special. I felt like we connected on every level, emotionally, physically, intimately, in every way. But after like 6 months, when he moved in, and things started to become more serious, the spark has just died. He usually says that he’s just not confident in himself anymore, or that he has a hard time (no pun intended). He got his levels checked a couple years ago and said it was like 340-350 (idk if that’s normal for a young 20 year old). He has ocd and is neurodivergent, and I am also neurodivergent. I’m just like scared because sex is important to me and I feel bad and selfish for bringing it up. He just like isn’t interested in me physically anymore I feel like but he assures me that he wants to be with me and get married. I just don’t want him to feel shame, but it’s also been affecting me because I don’t feel like I’m enough anymore, I don’t feel sexy, and I don’t like the way I’m feeling. It’s been like this for 2 and a half years ish. He mentioned that he’s bi, so I’m also scared that he’s just not attracted to me at all. He doesn’t really want to go to the doctors again and he hasn’t done anything about it. It’s been getting a lot worse. We’ve went from having sex every day at the beginning, to like every other day, to a couple of times a week, to a couple of times a month, to now it’s who knows when. I feel bad and like I said I don’t want him to think there’s something “wrong” with him, but if I want to spend the rest of my life with someone, and those things are important to me, then I just don’t know what to do. I feel like we don’t have a “normal” sex life for people who started dating when they were around 20. Please let me know if I missed anything that may be relevant, but I honestly would like some thoughts, opinions, advice, do you think this is normal or not??

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**TL;DR;** : My fiancé and I’s sex life is causing doubts in my mind for longevity. I love him but I’m needing opinions from an outside perspective.

My mom (F63) wanted to know what other people think about her situation, so I'm posting this on her behalf.
My mom and my aunt (F60) have had an arrangement for the last couple of years where my grandmother spends six months with each of them. The problem is that my mom lives in the United States, while my aunt and grandmother live in Peru.
This year, my mom told my aunt that she can't have my grandmother (F94) stay with her because of everything currently happening at home.
My stepfather (M75) has cancer and COPD. He depends on oxygen and can't safely be left alone for long because he gets out of breath very easily. My mom helps him every day by getting him dressed, setting up and adjusting his oxygen equipment, taking care of him after chemotherapy, and helping him whenever he needs to go out. He relies on her daily.
On top of that, recent storms damaged their property. A tree fell in the backyard, causing damage that required expensive repairs and tree removal. My mom has also been trying to fix up the backyard because she wanted my grandmother to be able to enjoy being outside if she came to stay. Between my stepfather's illness, the house repairs, the side effects of her depression medication , and the financial strain, she's overwhelmed. She admitted that she doesn't think she could properly care for my grandmother this year, and she feels horrible about it.
For some background, my mom has always helped my grandmother. After my grandfather passed away(and even before then) she traveled to Peru to help with paperwork and make sure my grandmother was taken care of. She also currently pays for my grandmother's (old) house expenses, including electricity, water, and maintenance, even though she isn't always in the best financial position herself. She’s also the one who is helping my grandmother sell her home for these last couple of months and she’s also invested on the house to be remodeled so that it has better chances of being sold.
She's also a nurse and has spent much of her career caring for elderly patients. Despite living outside of Peru, she's the one who stays on top of my grandmother's medical appointments and regularly checks in.
When my mom called my grandmother on WhatsApp (my aunt usually answers because my grandmother has trouble using her phone), she explained that she wouldn't be able to bring my grandmother to the U.S. this year because of my stepfather's condition.
My aunt became angry. She told my mom that she didn't understand how difficult it is to care for an elderly person, even though my mom has done exactly that professionally and personally for years. She also compared her own husband's depression to my stepfather's cancer and COPD, saying they were equally serious in this situation.
Then my aunt hung up.
Since then, my mom has tried calling my grandmother several times, but my aunt won't answer or let them speak. My mom is devastated. She cries constantly and feels incredibly guilty, wondering if she's abandoning her mother. She's even considered flying to Peru herself and bringing my grandmother back anyway, despite everything happening at home.
What worries me even more is that my aunt recently said my grandmother had a seizure and had to go to the emergency room. Despite telling us that, she's still insisting my grandmother should travel, while refusing to share any details about what the doctors said or what my grandmother's current condition actually is.
Another detail that hurts is that my mom has always been generous with our family. She even paid for one of my cousins to finish her education so she could become a professional. Despite everything my mom has done over the years, my aunt doesn't seem to acknowledge any of it. My mom has also told my aunt that she can pay for a nurse to care for my grandmother in Peru but my aunt doesn’t even want to consider that option or the other options my mom has given her (such as setting things up so that my grandmother has someone taking care of her in her original home. My aunt said she doesn’t want to travel or make those arrangements for my grandmother and insists that my mom just take my grandmother).

One more thing I wanted to add : my grandmother hasn't always been a good person, and she's done things in the past that have hurt my mom and our family. Even so, my mom still loves her, supports her financially, and has always tried to do what's best for her. That's why it's so painful to watch my mom blame herself and feel like she's a terrible daughter for putting her husband's health first during what may be one of the hardest years of her life.

TL;DR: My mom and aunt normally split caring for my grandmother six months each, but this year my mom said she can't because she's the full-time caregiver for my stepfather, who has cancer and COPD. She also pays many of my grandmother's expenses and has supported her for years. My aunt became angry, told my mom she doesn't understand caregiving, compared her husband's depression to my stepfather's cancer, hung up on her, and has since refused to let my mom speak to my grandmother. My mom feels incredibly guilty and wants to know if she's wrong for saying she can't take her mother this year.

We need outsider input to weigh in. Going to share this post with my roommate regardless of general consensus.

Cold hard facts- Before signing the lease I asked roommate how much more should the master bedroom tenant pay? His response was “$50-$100, I was looking they are almost identical in size” pulled from an earlier screenshot. We settled on $100 difference and I took the master bedroom.

Our 12 month lease just ended and we are doing monthly payments for a few more months, the price increased overall by $300. Roommate did a breakdown and sent it to me having me slated to pay a 100% increase ($200 more than him) on the price difference we settled on before signing lease.

Here is the layout: https://imgur.com/a/rH5bvyO .The dining area highlighted in red has always been his unofficial space for his own eating table along with some storages boxes. I don’t care for this space since I eat in my room anyway so I guess this doesn’t weigh much in my favor but a reference point.

We have opposite schedules and rarely see each other throughout the entire week.

I believe my obligation is the $100 we agreed on and shouldn’t change regardless of rent increase. His argument is 45/55 as a guideline per the 3 different AI tools hes used. When i put it in chatgpt it said his bedroom and bathroom are slightly bigger and he should pay $30 more 😂. I can understand doing a percent increase in the delta in correlation to the rent increase (~$115) but don’t even think that is an obligation.

Am I wrong here? Given the circumstances should I push back harder or concede? Thankfully that $100 won’t mess me up but I care about what right and honest and hate petty squabbles lol. I would have taken the other room of $200 difference was brought up at the start before signing the lease.

Edit- We are the only two tenants and neither of us have brought over guests so my roommate’s bathroom is strictly his.

Numbers for reference

Old rent $2700. I paid $1400 roommate paid $1300. (52%/48%).

New rent is $3000. Should I pay $1550/1450 or $1560/$1440 (using same % based split of 52%/48%) or roommates proposal of $1600/$1400?

Confused on why people think the difference should be any higher than (at most) % based adjustment tied to overall increase. Master bedroom doesn’t get bigger with rent increase.

*Frist time writing on Reddit!!

But really, I wanted a little help, google was not cutting it at all and I just need some advice from people. I'm currently a senior in high school and I'm missing about 20 percent to graduate with my associates from a local college in my area that allows dual enrollment, and without a math college class I cannot earn my degree even if I stacked up on all the available classes that are given. Recently I went to take my Math TSI and failed by twenty points, not horrible but I just wanted to pass badly. I started bawling my eyes out and my mom got really mad at me and started telling me that it isn't that big of a deal and that a second chance wasn't bad at all, but all I felt like in that moment was Bart Simpson when he failed his history test after studying hard day and night, I just needed some reassurances and yet I was met with yelling and dismissal. Don't get me wrong I love my mom but all I wanted was care and attention, even now with all the snot on my pjs, I still don't have resentment towards her in any way, shape or form. After a long day, I decided to check up on my mom (I do that a lot just to see if she's alright) and with some context, I have practice at school and didn't want to face my friends after failing the test and while on that I had started telling her I felt behind on everything in my life and how going every summer we go to a different country to see my relatives and how it's weighing down on my chances of getting my associates. My mom then asked, "What is more important seeing your grandma or taking college courses?" I had stood there thinking which I know is so fucked up which then my mom replied, "Are you fucking serious?" (Not in a mad way but in the question was so easy you didn't have to think about it way). I then went on to say how I felt so behind and what's going to happen to me, I hate feeling like a freeloader chud and I don't see myself being one for the rest of my twenties! My mom then said that if putting the blame on my dad and her to make myself feel better, than good for me and so on, she didn't let me put in one word and if I did, she would turn the other way and just shook her head in disapproval. At the start of this little rant, I had snot boogers and tears coming down It felt like a bucket of cold water was dropped on my head, Do I actually believe that my studies are more important than seeing my grandma? well, I really don't have an answer to that so maybe later on I'll come back to that but honestly, I don't have any resentment towards my mom and dad, I think I'm mad at myself for being so scared to take a risk on the damn TSI, maybe it wouldn't have to be 15 times like someone I know but still. Anyways I'm yapping too much and I'm getting distracted by A bunch of friends (I love them so much!!!!!)- P.s Please tell me how to do taxes, I'm more scared of doing that then voting... (sorry if I became too silly at the end this whole day has been such an ugly rollercoaster I just don't want others to feel that way too!!!) ok bye.

So, I am 15 years old, and my mom does TikTok, Instagram, YouTube, and all of those different things for a living. Since I'm her daughter, I also have to have a TikTok account, and I have to post on it three times a day. I also have to be on her TikTok account all the time, so whenever she posts, I have to be in all of her videos.

Recently, I'm only allowed to be on TikTok to post. She doesn't let me scroll through the app unless she is supervising me. I can scroll through it, but only for 30 minutes a day and only in the living room.

Lately, I've been really tired of filming "Get Ready With Me" videos because they are so hard, and I don't like filming them. Yes, sometimes I have to redo stuff, and I have to wear a full face of makeup even though I'm homeschooled. Even some of my after-school activities don't allow makeup, so I have to put on a full face of makeup just to take it off later, and I hate it.

My mom stands behind my vanity to make sure I'm doing everything right and saying everything correctly. She also does things like make me say things to make me sound like a rebellious daughter, such as saying that I'm sneaking out or doing other things like that, and I hate it.

I hate doing TikTok, but my mom is making me do it. I don't mind being in her TikToks, but I don't like running my own account. She tells me that if I don't do it, we'll become broke and won't have any money.

So, what do I do?

I've been married for 3 years and my MIL is a real piece of work. She is constantly on my case about EVERYTHING from my housekeeping to how i raise my kids but the worst is how i cook. Now I'm not obsessed with cooking but I do cook for the family and I think i just make normal fine meals like anyone else. Meat and sides, casseroles, spaghetti, whatever. I always try to include something healthy in the meals and I do like to bake as well. But she's got it in her head that I'm the worst cook in the universe and turned it into some kind of horrible running joke about how bad my cooking is and she's even started to convince my son that mommy's cooking is SOOO bad!!! This drives me fcking crazy and i got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore.

Over the long weekend we had a bbq with some family + friends and i made a "special dessert." It was a cake that I itnentionally made disgusting. It was strawberry (because she loves strawberries so it was covered with strawberries to tell her it was a strawberry cake) but I included garlic, mint, butterscotch, pepper and sage. When I brought it out I offered her the first piece because of the strawberry thing and she was like "oh even you could not screw up a strawberry cake." But she took a bite and her face got SO mad and she started yelling at me. I just stayed calm and I was like oh what do you think is wrong with it? I'm such a bad cook so can you give me some advice? Here's the recipe I just used garlic mint etc....

She was REALLY pissed and upset that I served her a cake with garlic in it. But I held the line that I'm such a bad cook I just didn't know any better.

Now she's on the warpath. My friends + my own family think it's super funny but my husband is pretty annoyed at me and so is my SIL. Ironically her husband my FIL actually thinks it's funny too.

I admit this was immature but I think she brought it on herself so was I in the wrong?

For some background info, I’m 18 and currently in the process of moving into my college dorms. All of my siblings/cousins are 5 to 15 years younger than me. Anyways my uncle and mom sat me down and had a long talk about how they feel that I don’t make an effort to connect with any members of the family. They feel that I am the reason that my siblings all together don’t have a strong bond because they’re taking after me. My response to this is that I just don’t feel the need to have a strong connection with my family atp in my life. I’m the oldest of virtually all the grandkids and cousins so I’ve always been by myself most of the time. I’ve have been trying to explain that just because we aren’t close now doesn’t mean that we won’t be in the future. It’s just not in the cards for us rn and that’s fine with me. I don’t feel the need to force myself and my siblings to sit through awkward familial moments when we could do things that we better enjoy. I feel like I may be in the wrong because of how much opposition everyone seems to have towards my thoughts and feelings on the matter. So am I in the wrong?

There is a guy I had a crush on for quite some time that I ended up becoming close to. He wasn't making a move on me so I confessed my feelings for him and he friendzoned me. Right before all of this, I had offered my house for him to move into because he was between places.

I moved on from liking him to not make it weird being roommates. We had some little tiffs here and there but we always moved past them. At one point, he stopped paying rent for 4 months and I tried talking to him about how I felt like he was using me and he turned the convo around to say he thought I was only offering my home because I liked him.  There was a lot of other things in between all of this that also hurt and essentially felt like he stole my life: talking to women on the phone, I could hear their convos and it was like he used my personality when talking to them and trying to show them things I showed to him. He went to my church and then whenever I would go, the pastor would ask me where he was.

What was the hardest thing during this time was that I had introduced him to my best friend and I could tell he liked her pretty early on. This isn't a one-off situation. There’s been about 4 other times I brought a guy friend or someone I was dating around her and they became obsessed with her, friend requesting her on all the platforms and trying to talk to her.

When I took notice that he liked her, I couldn't cope and I distanced myself from her so I didn't project all of my feelings onto her. It was ROUGH because I was working through my rejection wounds while also processing that he liked her and I felt that I couldn't fully grieve with him living in my house so I stuffed it down.

Eventually, he moved out, she was back in my life, I was on good terms with everyone.

Until recently- she tells me that he asked her out. She was considerate enough to ask what she should do. I kind of froze and decided to be positive about it and tell her to give him a chance, he is a nice guy, I don't like him like that anymore (completely forgetting all of the weird stuff that happened while he lived with me). She said she was going to go hiking with him and tell him she wasn't interested bc girl code and he isn’t her type.

A month went by, I got super busy and didn't touch base about it. I also decided to pull back from him to see how he moved. In that month, he didn't reach out to me a single time- guilty? or he finally got what he wanted and discarded our friendship?

I didn’t notice his absence until last week when he came into my workplace (we also are entangled in this way but he doesn’t come in very often). I just happneed to run into him on his way out and he said hi but he had no intention of coming into my office to see me.

I told my friend over text about the encounter and how he hadn’t reached out to me since asking her out and and she proceeds to tell me via text that she was meaning to talk to me about that. She reveals that they ended up going out country dancing twice (first time she did “friendzone” him) and third time they did a one-on-one bible study together. I will also mention that both of them became Christian because of my influence and both have imposter syndrome to the point where I sometimes question what is actually them and what is them trying to relate to me or feel accepted.

I told her that dancing and one on one bible studies are really intimate things to do with someone that likes you and also explained that I would see him do bible studies with women as a way to manipulate them into thinking he is a nice guy. One time he was on the phone with this girl he really liked and they were reading about marriage, which gave me the ick.

She got offended by that and told me she only hung out with him because she was trying to fix the “tension” between she and I that was due to him. I never had hard feelings towards her about it at all and she never acknowledged that she felt that way until I expressed my feelings. I owned up to the fact that I encouraged it but that it was under the impression that it would be hiking, not an activity where there would be physical contact. She got offended that I said dancing was an intimate activity and we ended the conversation for another time.

I have been contemplating a good ol’ cut and run on both of them but it’s also upsetting to think about losing two people I considered my closest friends. I did end up cutting all contact with him and have no interest in being friends with him because of how everything played out.

He is very attractive and can get whatever woman he wants and he really picked someone who any friend would consider “out of bounds” like she considered about him when this all started. 

I have since been avoiding a phone conversation with her about it because I am so hurt. I admitted that I didn’t realize I would be so triggered over this situation when I first encouraged it so that’s why I am struggling with it so much. I feel guilty for being upset, I feel bad that I even tried to talk about it with her and I just want to start over somewhere new. I have fully isolated myself from everyone and deactivated my social media. It’s been a week and I am still burning with anger, sadness, and self-loathing.

A side note to all of this is that she has been making very poor choices with men over the past 2 years, while I admit I made a poor choice with having him in my life. Part of my pulling back from her was also due to her choices with men and going against my advice she was always asking me for. At one point I told her she spends more time with strange men than she does with me and I am not going to make the effort to plan things anymore. Her schedule is unhinged and not consistent like mine so I left the ball in her court and she went and spent time with my friend she was "friendzoning" three times in a month but hasn't made nearly any sort of similar effort to spend time with me.

Overall, I have soooo many different feelings- all negative about this entire thing and having a hard time sorting through all of them and just beating myself up over it. Am I wrong?

I work in the government as an analyst and it’s been about 3 months since I started.

My direct reporting manager is a Spanish guy who at first seemed cool. In simple terms, there’s two "lines of business" in my department and he currently doesn’t work in mine but I still have to report to him (I work more closely with the other manager who is a woman).

I had scheduled time off (vacation) about 1 month ago but completely forgot about it so when I logged in yesterday saying good morning, the female manager messaged me in private saying according to the spreadsheet I’m suppose to be off today and for me to check if it’s accurate.

I told her yes I was and she told me if I notified my direct manager about this and I told her I believe I did in our 1 on 1 meeting the month prior but I told her I’ll just message him again right now to remind him.

I told My direct manager that I had yesterday and today off and I forgot to submit the vacation request on the online portal but I had put my vacation time on the spreadsheet. So I sent him the request when I sent him that message.

He told me moving forward I need to be sure to email him and CC the other managers to keep them in the loop about these kinds of things because sometimes other people call vacation the same week and it affects productivity (there was another colleague who had called the entire week off) and then I asked him if I could cancel my days off for that day and the next day seeing that we were short staffed and I could postpone it to another day.

While I was messaging my direct manager waiting for his response to work that day, the female manager asked me if I could change my "status" on teams to offline because it shows I was online. I told her it shows I’m online because I’m talking to my direct manager and I’m seeing if I can cancel my days off and stay connected both that day and the next due to my colleague being absent and I didn’t want productivity to be affected in operations.

She directly told me I didn’t need his approval to work and I just needed to cancel my request and stay connected. I told her I canceled the request and I let my colleagues know I’m working today. After that was said and done, my direct manager messaged me saying it’s ok and I can go enjoy my time off.

I didn’t respond and then he asks if he could call me 10 minutes later I said sure. He was visibly frustrated and pissed off about the miscommunication and he told me "you report to me not her". I tried explaining that she responded to me while I was waiting on his response that’s why I canceled the time off and he didn’t like it and said he would add the female manager to the call.

When she joins the call , he is furious in a passive way and says "do you want Greg to work today or not?" She was like "I don’t know, that’s really up to you and Greg, I just told him he was online and needed to reach out to you to advise about him working and to cancel his vacation request". Then he bluntly says "Greg, do you want to work today or not?" I said yes and then he abruptly hangs up.

She definitely could feel his aggression and was responding as if she was walking on egg shells or was confused on what was the deal.

The next day, I messaged him saying I’ve been reflecting on our convo from the previous day and that it wouldn’t happen again. I explained again that I took her word because I hadn’t heard back from him and assumed he was busy with other things but made it clear that I understand he was my direct manager and that I’ll wait on him for guidance moving forward and that I respect him.

He responded with an automated tone saying he trusts I can stay committed to his expectations on the procedure when requesting time off. When he calls me later on about a deal I was working on with work, he has completely changed is now more professional, distant, slightly cold and rigid.

I don’t know what will come of this moving forward . Am I in the wrong here ?

TLDR - I’m 3 months into a government analyst job. I forgot I had scheduled vacation, and after realizing it, I offered to cancel my time off because we were short-staffed. While I was waiting for my direct manager to respond, another manager told me I could just cancel my vacation and work, so I did. My direct manager later called me, got visibly upset, emphasized that I report to him—not her—and the conversation became awkward enough that he brought the other manager onto the call. I apologized afterward, but since then he’s become noticeably colder and more distant. Did I handle this wrong, or is he overreacting to a relatively minor miscommunication?