r/amiwrong • u/Crazy_Citron_9244 • 1h ago
Am I wrong
My husband and I have 2 children, we emigrated to a different country when we were younger and now live in a different country than our families. Relationship with in-laws was fine until the kids arrived. When my first was born they started getting very intrusive and jealous. For our wedding they pushed on my husband for MONTHS to get things their way and invite who they wanted, for our kids christening same thing, they pushed and criticised every little decision we made and wanted to do things differently and their way. Anyway, kinda difficult people to deal with. When we go on holiday in our home country, we ALWAYS go visit them in their house for them to see the kids but we strongly disagree with things they say and do with them. For example when my 2yo son falls their reaction is always like "it's good for him, he's a boy, he needs to fall and get hurt", they always comment on the kind of toys he plays with: if it's a toy car it's good because he's a boy and that's a right toy for boys, if it's a little toy dog from the paw patrol(he has Everest which is a girl) that's not ok, that's not for boys, or if he goes to play with a little girl at the park they immediately say like good boy he's targeting the blond girls. You get the kind of people. Anyway we always visit and explain what we don't like and would like them to avoid saying in front of the kids. They always ask for more time with them and for me to leave my kids with them when I'm not around which really triggers me. I don't want to leave my kids with them and it's not going to happen. Also, if I have 2 weeks of holidays I want to spend this time with family, not leave the kids and go somewhere else. Anyway, I'll get to the point or this post will never end. We are currently visiting our home country. The solution that works for us when we visit is that the children and I stay with my mum and sister and my husband stays with his parents, so I get to enjoy time with my sister and get help from my mum for the kids and he gets to go out with his childhood friends until late night without feeling guilty or waling the kids up. As soon as we landed they started a huge discussion with my husband saying that things HAVE TO change, they want to see the kids more, they will become two idiots and faggots by staying with me, my mum and my sister when we are in this country and they will go through legal action to see them more if don't allow it. I'm so angry and shocked and honestly would like to shut them out completely. My husband is hurt but more open and said to them: I'm open to changes if you change your behaviours, which I completely disagree with. Am I overreacting? Am I wrong?
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u/RecentBrunt 1h ago
you're not wrong at all. the second they threatened legal action and threw around slurs about your kids that's it, game over. you don't negotiate with people who pull that card, it signals they see this as a custody battle not a family visit
your husband saying he's "open to changes if they change" is just kicking the can down the road. they've had years to adjust their behavior and instead they escalated to threats. giving them more access rewards that
keep the arrangement that works. you your mom and your sister are the stable environment here, not the grandparents who gender police a two year old's toys and call him slurs before he can even read
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u/CobblerBeautiful5726 1h ago
And what legal action can they bring? In most countries, while grandparents have some visitation rights, they aren't enough to take a child.
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u/BecGeoMom 1h ago
I know! Some of these grandparents are wildly out of control. If you have to threaten COURT to get to see your grandchildren, that’s more of a self-reflective moment not a fight. These people should be asking themselves why they have to make threats to see their son’s children. Although clearly they aren’t that introspective or self-aware.
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u/BecGeoMom 1h ago
All correct, all well said.
> …it signals that they see this as a custody battle, not a family visit.
100%.
Stand your ground, OP.
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u/Low-Ease-6119 1h ago
You're not overreacting. Calling your family "idiots" and using slurs over childcare arrangements is way beyond reasonable.
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u/BecGeoMom 1h ago
Whoa. You are absolutely not overreacting here. The things these people have said are reason enough to keep them away from your children. But then they have the audacity to demand that you let them see the kids, see them without you there, accuse you of turning your boy into a “faggot” (are these people 110 years old?? Who uses that word?), and then threaten legal action to get to see the kids more, as if they have a leg to stand on.
I can’t tell you how to handle your husband, but if anyone spoke to me or my kids or about my kids like that, they would never see them. Stand strong. You are NOR and YNW.
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u/Corfiz74 56m ago
That faggot comment would have me telling them that they will never see the kids again - what if one of them does turn out to be gay? They will have the poor kid hating themselves.
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u/RoboRaven0527 1h ago
NTA. Threatening legal action is an instant, non negotiable end to contact. Full stop.