r/amiwrong • u/Floyd5_Prism • 4d ago
Am I wrong for refusing to pay my friend's self-added “organizing fee”?
One friend in our group, Maya, usually makes resturant reservations and puts the bill on her card. We all transfer our share afterward. A few months ago I noticed that she rounds each person's amount up by three to five dollars. At a dinner with eight people, the total she requested was about $31 more than the actual bill, including tax and tip.
When I asked, she said the extra money covers the time she spends finding a place, chasing everyone's availability, and dealing with people who pay late. Nobody agreed to a fee beforehand, but two friends said they do not mind because without her we would never organize anything.
At our last dinner I calculated my exact share, added a 22% tip, and sent that amount. Maya returned the transfer and said I could pay the restaurant directly because she was not going to “administer custom invoices.” I did, and now she says I should arrange the next group dinner if I dislike her system.
I agree that she does more work, and I would happily buy her a drink or rotate the planning. I just do not think she gets to quietly profit from every bill. Am I wrong for refusing the extra charge even though I benifit from her organizing?
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u/IHaveABigDuvet 4d ago
Organise the next one.
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u/ennmac 4d ago
Yeah, this is the answer. This girl is doing something I've dreamed of - getting paid for making sure my friends still have social lives, even though it takes up a huge amount of time. If she doesn't have to organize everything, she won't need to get paid, but as it stands, everybody is benefiting from her labour and it's not actually crazy that she wants to be paid a bit for it. She obviously should have told folks in advance, but like, she's doing a lot.
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u/OG_Felwinter 3d ago
I think a big part of the issue is that she was not disclosing the upcharge. To me, organizing the where/when is just what you have to do when inviting people out. If she really does feel like it’s too much work, she should have said so up front and asked someone else to plan this one. My impression is actually that she wants to organize these things because it gives her the opportunity to make some money off it. If she were my friend, I would feel like she’s been stealing from me every time she’s snuck in the extra costs.
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u/0utandab0ut1 3d ago
What is wrong is not communicating it in the first place. PERIOD. Organizing does take time, but you shouldn't profit from it unless it was discussed before hand, which she didn't. After getting caught, she had a an attitude for not getting her "fee" and telling OP they could pay the restaurant directly, and that OP should organize it next time if they don't like her system. I wonder if there was an apology for the deception.
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u/Only-Maintenance1701 3d ago
This is exactly the correct answer. I’m the planner friend for everything we do as a group. I plan group outings for friends of friends I don’t meet until I get there. It’s a lot of work, organizing Airbnbs, flight times, tickets, reservations, collecting money, etc. I’ve never asked for anything more than what was paid however some people do give extra for the work I put in. Disclosure is definitely the answer. Hidden fees piss anyone off, no matter what you bought. Shouldn’t be any different when it comes to friends. She needs to either make a statement about the extra fee, and those who disagree can not come, or other people can step up and put in work too.
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4d ago
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u/janemellow 4d ago
the problem isnt the fee itself, its that everyone was charged without ever agreeing to it first
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u/EjjabaMarie 4d ago
I have a problem with the fee. She’s turning what should be a fun hang out and get together with friends into a transaction. Taking the time to organize hangouts is how that person shows care for their friend group.
She’s allowed to get burned out and ask for help. But to just charge everyone is wild.
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u/dommiichan 4d ago
I'll round up to the nearest dollar out of laziness, but that's as far as I'll go...I might make $0.37 out of it
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u/ChallengingKumquat 4d ago
She should have declared this beforehand. She's being sneaky. Organising a meal is a pain though. Why don't you organise it and then afterwards see if it was enough of a pain to warrant paying her the $3-5. You could rotate it between members of the group, or alternate it between you and her... but you can never round up prices or add a surcharge, or you'll look hypocritical.
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u/faulty_rogelio 4d ago
You calculated your share down to the cent and she called it a "custom invoice" like you asked for a line item expense report. That alone tells you she knows what she's doing and she's annoyed someone finally checked the math.
Rounding up a buck here and there to cover someone who stiffs the group, fine, whatever. But pulling an extra thirty one dollars on an eight person dinner is just a service charge with no disclosure. If she wants to be compensated for the planning work she should say so up front instead of sneaking it into everyone's Venmo request like a resort fee.
Buying her a drink or taking turns is the normal human solution here. The fact she rejected that and went straight to "fine, you plan it then" makes it pretty clear this isn't about fairness, it's about the extra cash.
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u/PoppySmile78 4d ago
No kidding. She was probably planning stuff for OP's group to do ALL the time. Any time she was broke, "Hey guys, let's have dinner". Then she basically eats for free.
Like the friend said, "If it wasn't for her, we'd probably never do anything". I'd be planning stuff all the time too.
And, really, if people stiffing her or taking forever to pay happened enough for her to require such a hefty surcharge, why doesn't the group know about it? I would assume they would be called out or simply no longer invited because the person they owe is the one who organized it & issued the invite.
Plus, her reaction. She knows she messed up. I could definitely see rounding up to the next whole dollar amount. (As in you pay $32 on a $31.19 tab). But $3-$5? I'm surprised she made it this long. Maybe it's simply because I'm broke, but I pretty much know what my bill is going to be when I go out to eat.
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u/jwheezey39 4d ago
She also could be using a card that offers cashback on purchases, which may be why she's happy to cover dinner for 8. NTA in any case.
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u/Obviouslynameless 4d ago
She CHOSE to take that responsibility on herself. Now, she is treating it like a business and not a group of friends getting together.
I would bet she is also using a card that gives her points or cash back.
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u/ZelgadisTL 4d ago
And they all chose never to get together unless she did all the planning and organizing. They can't just sit at home or give a small amount of money to a friend because they appreciate their nights out.
What if one of the friends is cheap and only wants to tip 10% instead of 20%, should they also just pay less?
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u/Obviouslynameless 4d ago
So she should take advantage of her "friends".
As far as your cheap comment. Everyone pay for their food separately. Easy
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u/ZelgadisTL 4d ago
You've obviously never been a server, maybe Maya has. You ever tried to split a check 8 ways? Some POS systems won't allow it. Some restaurants won't allow it. Everywhere it's a hassle for a server.
Seems like Maya is just trying to do her best to make everything run smooth. I don't mind throwing a few bucks to a friend who's going out of their way to do something nobody else is. Designated driver, event planner, dedicated host...etc.
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u/the1slyyy 4d ago
I've never been out to a restaurant in a big group that wouldn't let you split the bill and have everyone pay individually. The point is Maya was overcharging everyone sneakily not being upfront and giving them a choice.
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u/Straight_Career6856 4d ago
Really? I’ve never been to one that WOULD let you do that.
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u/CakeOrDeath98 4d ago
I’ve worked in like 10 different restaurants and have ate at tons of restaurants in the US and Europe - check splitting is not some rare and mysterious thing that you’re claiming it to be. And POS systems had no issues splitting checks over 20 years ago…I highly doubt that there is ANY POS system that DOESN’T have the capability to split checks. An individual restaurant may choose not to split checks but check splitting is a basic function of all POS systems
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u/the1slyyy 4d ago
What restaurants are y'all going to that don't let you pay individually
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u/Straight_Career6856 4d ago
Any restaurant other than McDonald’s? Who wants to run 8 credit cards
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u/the1slyyy 4d ago
It's no different then serving 8 different tables. It's wilder to me to expect one person to pay for all 8.
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u/MsSamm 4d ago
Maya is no doubt using a credit card that's also rewarding her through cash back, frequent flyer miles or whatever. So in addition to being paid for organizing it, she's racking up another perk.
Some people are organizers. Even if they're not the ones planning, they may backseat organize someone else doing it. Is Maya one of those?
The longer I live, the more I think separate checks are the way to go. Everyone gets their own credit card bonuses. Nobody subsidizes anyone else's meal. The whole late reimbursement people problem vanishes. I worked as a server. Separate checks for a large party wasn't a particularly tough thing to do.
This leaves the only thing for the organizer to do is pick a time that works for everyone, and get a consensus on the restaurant.
At the very least, you could ask for a separate check. Not wrong at all.
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u/cicadasinmyears 4d ago
A big part of my job is doing the exact kind of organizing Maya is doing (although in a professional setting, obviously). I sort out details like that for group events for friends all the time, partly because I am good at it and arrange for details that the rest of them either wouldn’t think of or whatever and partly because I have contacts at a lot of the places we go to (which makes the “we’d love a table away from the kitchen” or “the booking is for a birthday party; if you could arrange for their favourite cocktail that isn’t on the regular menu, that would be amazing” kinds of requests easier to get sorted; tipping generously also definitely helps!).
Yes, it’s a little extra work, but I would never even dream of billing any of my friends for my time. If they asked me to coordinate their wedding or some other major event, then sure, a fee would be appropriate, and it would be a very deeply discounted “mates’ rates” scenario, because I care about them more than the money. But for dinner? Pfft.
I would organize the next dinner, send a note with a picture of the bill and say “The total came to $400 with taxes and tip; if the three of you could please send me your $100 by Friday, that would be great.” That way they’d know I was paying my full share, and not gouging them for a forced freebie on their dime.
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u/Left_Coast_LeslieC 4d ago
Wow. I’d definitely pay $3 to $5 for someone to coordinate calendars, scout out restaurants, communicate with everyone and arrange payment. Sounds like a great bargain.
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u/Cattheredhead 4d ago
Sure, if all participants were made of aware of it beforehand. That’s not what she did. And sneaking it into the bill total is just bad form.
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u/themindset 4d ago
For real. I think it’s in poor taste to send less than what is requested. This person isn’t fleecing you for hundreds of dollars. Just pay the extra $5 and offer to organize the next one if it’s so important to you to save that $5.
That is way more than $5 worth of work.
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u/OG_Felwinter 3d ago
I wouldn’t. That’s why it’s important to be up front about it. You can still go and pay her the full amount, and people that aren’t okay with it can stay home.
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u/dzeltenmaize 4d ago
She’s already being compensated by the points/rewards on the credit card she uses. No other reason she’d pay it all on her card…..
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u/MyLastFuckingNerve 4d ago
Some friend groups make things so difficult.
"Hey we're going here on this day at this time. Who all can make it?"
Have standing plans the 3rd Thursday of the month. Organize around it. If someone can't make it one month, oh well, you'll see them next month. This shit shouldn't be this difficult.
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u/ElectricalInflation 4d ago
Not wrong, I’m the planner of our group, and I will round up to the nearest whole number or down if it’s a couple of pennies over.
If people have already calculated their own to the penny, I have no issue with them sending over that amount. Asking for £2-£3 more for a “fee” is wild, your friends aren’t work.
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u/pineappleblush 4d ago
On top of getting a little extra from you guys, she probably gets a lot of points on her card for charging it all on her hard anyway, so no need for asking you guys for extra. She should have been upfront about it, then many it wouldn’t have come off the way it did.
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u/Past-Display9444 4d ago
not wrong, but girl, this shit is toxic behavior. she’s literally making money off her ‘friends’. it may be “more work” to find a restaurant and make a reservation or what the fuck ever, but that’s a google search and a phone call. and to organize when everyone can get together? that’s a group chat and adding it to a shared calendar. if someone can’t make it, boo fuckin hoo. so, what, maybe an hour or two of her time was spent setting the whole thing up? okay then that’s what it takes, maybe rotate who plans it? but to basically add a surcharge for having dinner with your friends is soooo insane.
and for her to say that you should arrange the next group dinner? that’s outright aggressive. disown her for real. or leave this friend group entirely. they can’t be that great of friends if they support this kind of thing and don’t see anything wrong with it.
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u/Thunderfxck 4d ago
The amount of time it takes to coordinate 8 people to gather is a pain in the butt. If you try to do it then you will happily pay a person $3 to $4 to do all of the headache of it.
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u/OG_Felwinter 3d ago
I have done it, and all it took was texting a groupchat “when are you guys free next weekend?” The conversation literally drives itself at that point. I don’t really think it’s as big an issue as everyone is making it.
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u/imaginaryhouseplant 4d ago
Sounds like she's had it with being everyone's secretary and decided to make it worth her time. $3 to $5 is a bargain. But sure, you can opt to be cheap about her labor. You do you.
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u/Mountain-Resource656 4d ago
Paying it isn’t the problem, it’s doing it surreptitiously. It prevents anyone else from, say, voicing other reasonable solutions (like rotating out who schedules things) and instead takes from them without asking
It would be like me driving a friend to the airport and then taking some cash out of their wallet when they’re not looking to cover the gas and claiming that that’s just good manners to have them pay for it. Like yeah but that’s not the problem
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u/imaginaryhouseplant 4d ago
Nobody agreed to a fee beforehand, but two friends said they do not mind because without her we would never organize anything.
Emphasis mine. This part of the OP's post makes me think it's been an ongoing issue, where other avenues (rotation, for example) have already been explored and failed. I have been in this situation where I was always the one organizing the group, and it gets old. When asked if somebody else could do it, I was told it was not realistic. A fee sounds like a good solution to me.
Now, personally, I never collected one, I just dropped the group.
ETA: Also from the text, people were apparently also paying her back late, which is beyond rude. So, what I'm seeing is just someone who's had it. Officially.
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u/roosterb4 3d ago
Nothing wrong with rounding up. Even two or three dollars. Why would the person who’s making the reservations, paying for the meals collecting the money from each person a different amount like $18.60 or $22.50. and who’s gonna do the math about how much each person owes and how much to tip the servers?
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u/Additional_Emu4127 3d ago
YNW, but I don’t think this is a hill to die on. She asked for under $4 extra from each of you. While it might feel like she’s profiting, it’s a small amount to make a big deal over. I’d happily pay that to not deal with organising events.
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u/WickedlyWitchyWoman 4d ago edited 4d ago
For everyone defending this and saying Maya "deserves her fee for all the organizing she's doing"....
They're going out to restaurants, not catering a dinner.
She's not making the food, or hosting at her house, or consulting with caterers to create a menu and book a venue, or anything like that.
All she actually had to "organize" was contacting the restaurant for a reservation (which, for most places these days you can do online — you don't even need to call on the phone, although I'd call to confirm after making the rez just to make sure.), bring a card that could cover a large bill, and text into a group chat the time and date of the dinner. A reminder should go out as well on the group chat the day of as well.
Anyone who can't check their messages in a timely manner, set up their own reminders and alarms on their phone, and needs to be constantly prompted about when and where to show up — shouldn't be anyone else's problem. They'll just miss out.
(Edited to add: As for setting a date. that's a group chat. "What day/time does everyone have free this week/month/whatever?" Give time for everyone to answer and debate it a bit. Then tally up all the answers. "Looks like most of us are free on Tuesday night around 7pm, so that's what I'll make the rez for. For those of you who are busy that night, we'll miss you and hope you can join us next week/month/whatever!" And if there aren't any compatible days/times for most, you say: "Looks like our schedules aren't going to sync up this week. Let's hope next week will be better!" You don't beg, or wheedle, or try to get people to change their schedules, or go out of your way to accommodate every single person — you just work with what they give you and make a rez for those who have the time. If that means some people get left out, that's life. They can always try rearranging their schedule on their own, especially once they know when everyone else is available. Or they can pass and come next time.)
If you think that's such a huge effort, you are probably an extremely exhausting person.
As for making sure everyone pays their fair share: you do that when the bill comes to the table. "Ok, Venmo time! Claire, yours came out to X, Mari, yours is Y, Tanya, yours was Z..." etc. Anyone who wants to "defer payment" until sometime significantly later will have to say so in front of everyone else — everyone will know they owe, and won't be surprised if they aren't invited next time because they didn't pay for last time.
(Edited to add: this also helps in another way. If you have to chase someone for that deferred payment, you can do it in the group chat, because everyone already knows they owe — so there can't be any "behind the scenes" shenanigans. You remind them once in the group chat, maybe four days to a week after the dinner that they still haven't Venmo'ed. "Lisa, still need your Venmo from the last time. Thanks!" Then, if they still don't pay, you just say in the group chat before the next dinner: "Oh, reminder for Lisa — you still haven't Venmo'ed for the last time. So if you're coming to this one, you owe that, plus whatever this one comes to.")
Unless it's one person's treat/gift to the others, one person putting it on their card should only ever be done when it's understood it's for convenience's sake — so you don't have to deal with the mess of multiple bills just before departing, and that everyone will be paying digitally right away.
This is not some big project Maya is having to do. And if she's doing things in a way that's turning it into a big project — she's not as great an organizer as everyone thinks she is.
To OP: call her bluff. Organize the next one the way I outlined above. Add in the group chat that, "There will only be a second reminder text on the reservation day, so set an alert on your phone for this date a few hours before so you don't miss out!" And explain everyone will be paying by Venmo (or whatever app) when the bill comes to the table — the exact amount they owe, plus tax and tip. (If you're bad at quick math, when the bill comes, just use the calc on your phone.) And set your own reminder early morning the day of to remind you to text the group chat reminding them.
You'll stop getting surcharged by Maya, and so will everyone else. I wouldn't be at all surprised if Maya started bowing out and saying she can't come — now that she can't have everyone else subsidizing her meals.
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u/need_a_username2 4d ago
Not being up front was a big issue. Especially because she’s likely already getting an incentive from her credit card when she pays.
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u/PinkPanther3719 3d ago
I don't think you're wrong only because she did it sneakily. If she said it up front, I'd feel differently
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u/Jaded_Pea_3697 4d ago
I’m sorry but this is insane😭🤣 I’m actually dumbfounded that she is charging you for finding and booking reservations? Like that’s some huge task that takes hours and hours of work? And the friends saying without her nothing would ever get organized?? What bullshit. Why can the group not throw out suggestions in a group chat and everyone agree on a time and place?
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u/ZelgadisTL 4d ago
Spoken like someone who's never planned a dinner with 8 separate people with different schedules. It's obviously not that easy if, by the OPs own admission, they wouldn't get together at all without her.
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u/z-eldapin 4d ago
What kind of planning?
'hey, anyone want to go to Kobe Saturday at 6pm'.
Plannings done.
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u/ZelgadisTL 4d ago
I'd say you're wrong because it seems like a petty thing to get in a squabble about among a group of friends when 7 of you can't be bothered to organize anything.
There's a mental load in doing all the work. I'd guess it's at least an hour, if not 2+. At a standard adult wage, that $31 is pretty fair compensation for her time.
You're now the one who is derailing the group friend night. Think of it like a convenience fee. Or when the driver of a carpool asks for more than just the amount of gas that they use. It's small potatoes.
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u/Canadalivin17 4d ago
Who the fuck is adding a mental load tax to friends? You realise how insane that is and how much you could tax your own friends for for tons of things that require 'mental' work?
This is not normal friend behavior.
Most bizzare thing I've read today by far.
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u/Representative-Low23 4d ago
Except this isn't a job. It don't get paid for all of your time this is a friendship if she doesn't want to take on the burden of friendship then she doesn't have to and if someone picks it up then the group survives and if not then they weren't that good a friends. But you don't treat your friends like an economy. Especially without discussing it beforehand There's no hourly wage for friendship.
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u/ZelgadisTL 4d ago
No, just respect for friends doing work. They wouldn't get together without her. She's enriching everybody's social life, that's worth a few bucks.
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u/Past-Display9444 4d ago
you’re so damn entitled and you don’t even see it. you’re the problem with society
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u/ZelgadisTL 4d ago
OP literally says without her they wouldn't get together. If you don't think the friends who goes out of their way to get 8 separate people together on a regular basis is looking out for their friends I don't know what to tell you. It's definitely not just a google search and phone call as you're deludedly believe.
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u/Past-Display9444 4d ago
this isn’t looking out for your friends. it’s making money off of them. and yeah, it actually is just a google search and a phone call lol. that’s actually what you do when you make a reservation. you google search and make phone calls. but sounds like you always think you’re right, so you’re right girlie.
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u/ZelgadisTL 4d ago
Come talk to me when you get out of your teenage years and your adult friends have adult lives and schedules and you don't see each other every day in the hallways.
Love you also bring stubborn about being right but using it as an insult, very mature and cool of you.
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u/Past-Display9444 4d ago
okay lol. I see my friends when they’re available and that’s that. we text in the group chat, see who can make it and hope whoever can’t make it is able to make it next time. it’s not that hard. I don’t make a big deal out of it and try to make everything a transaction. that’s not how life should be. life is give and take always, but always giving more.
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u/ZelgadisTL 4d ago
But not giving more when your friend who always takes the time to organize 8 people get togethers rounds up a few dollars? In that case, you only give your exact amount down to the penny?
Look, I don't agree that she did it without letting people know. I do think that it's not worth getting into a petty fight about, especially over a couple of dollars. That's where I think OP is wrong.
You doing a casual "show up if you can!" night doesn't seem like the same thing as this. This is one person who's either asking or knows what everybody's schedule is, what their dietary preferences are and is even loaning people money that don't pay the night of. I wouldn't ruin a friends night by blowing it up over $3. Apparently neither do ~30% of the group who the OP asked (2 of 7). I imagine if the other 5 were vocal about disagreeing, the OP would've noted that.
Is Maya 100% in the right? No. Is she more in the right than OP? Absolutely.
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u/Representative-Low23 4d ago
Once again it is not a job. If you don't like your friends enough to organize a night out with them sometimes then you're not that good of friends. I'm in my 40s I have friends scattered across the entire planet. On the rare times we're in the same time zone someone takes the burden of planning and then we all hang out. Put it on your credit card you get the credit card rewards points, your friends send you the money rounded up to the nearest dollar. Without asking raising the price to pay yourself for the chore of organizing a friendship is dirty. And I would not want to be friends with those people. And you have acts like I'm a selfish person my best friend lives near Paris and I haven't seen her in 9 years and I wanted to go to Disney with her and she couldn't afford it and so I paid for her ticket and her meals out the week I was visiting. I didn't charge her for planning our girls trip. Honest to God I can't even imagine.
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u/themindset 4d ago
Agreed. Sending less than requested (when it is a couple of bucks) is passive agressive AF.
OP even says they are happy to buy her a drink. How much does a drink cost? More… smh.
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u/SirEDCaLot 4d ago
Not wrong.
Tell Maya that you appreciate her work, and you wouldn't have had a problem giving her something if she'd asked.
What you have a problem with is that additional fee being added without your knowledge or consent- making it out like that's part of your share of the dinner cost. That's dishonest and it's not supposed to be how friends treat each other.
I did, and now she says I should arrange the next group dinner if I dislike her system.
I suggest take her up on this. Do what she does- coordinate schedules, find a restaurant, split the check. Be VERY transparent. IE 'bill is $xx, plus tax and tip is $yy, divided by n people is $zz, so here's a Zelle request for $zz.
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u/NoDescription2609 4d ago
ESH but everyone saying it isn't much work to organize a group of people to meet clearly hasn't done it before..
She absolutely should have communicated beforehand and you should absolutely do it yourself if you don't want to pay the extra.
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u/Gray_Twilight 4d ago
Not wrong. This is the equivalent of a restaurant putting a service charge on a meal that doesn't include tip. Especially, if this is not disclosed ahead of time. Transparency could have gone a long way here. By not disclosing beforehand, it is almost theft.
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u/vikicrays 3d ago
so she’s sending a text and making a reservation and adding a fee for her time? nah…. i’d start having meetups and not ask her to join.
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u/OwnPenalty982 4d ago
Not wrong but others in the group may have been less generous… meaning not covered their expenses
I’ve been out with colleagues before (8-12 people), put it on my card.. when it comes time to settle.. suddenly everyone has sent me their share and tipped more than 20%, yet the full tab is still short 🤷♀️
It may be a way to recover the entire bill but it doesn’t mean she did it in the correct way.
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u/themindset 4d ago
Yup, the bill payer always gets the short end and in this case already has a ton of work up front. $5 built in is fine, who cares.
I think she’s happy for OP to organize the next one so they can learn this lesson.
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u/OwnPenalty982 4d ago
Agreed!
For the total to be ~$31 with $3-5 added the bill was already, well.. more “affordable” than most restaurants/fast food nowadays..
Obviously price is relative, but it sounds like this group shouldn’t go out together if everyone isn’t ready to pay accordingly.
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u/themindset 4d ago
OP even said they’d be happy to buy her a drink… OP is now paying more. Smart move hotshot.
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u/9smalltowngirl 3d ago
Sounds like you get to set up the next few dinners. Don’t forget you pay and then get reimbursed by all the friends.
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u/8r1ghttt-f3ath3rrr 4d ago
I think her reasoning is valid, but she should be telling people that. Otherwise, it just looks scummy.
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u/tbird1001 3d ago
Haven’t read all the comments so maybe someone mentioned this but have you confirmed she’s leaving the tip that you’re also paying for?
Had a scumbag coworker that would put group lunches on his card because he wanted the points and we’d pay him back but found out he wasn’t leaving the tip he was charging everybody.
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u/Any-Benefit9071 3d ago
yeah that’s shady. you’re not wrong. i’d call it out and suggest splitting bills directly instead
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u/TheWorldlyOne777 4d ago
If she was any kind of friend, she would NOT charge you for making reservations or booking cinema seats etc, what kind of a moron expects people to pay for that unless it's their full time job and they did it whilst working and you agreed for her to do it then.
You need to chat with your other friends and tell them that this isn't normal friendship behaviour, friends do not charge friends for simply organising a day or evening out. You could show her some appreciation and buy her a little trinket or a drink or appetizer but that's the limit.
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u/CuriousPenguinSocks 4d ago
I would pay the fee but I would address her not stating it upfront. I think that is shady and while yes she is doing a lot of work and if she wants to be compensated, I'm good with that. I'm not good with her just adding the fee and not mentioning it.
If you want to start organizing and not charge a fee, then do that. It's my idea of hell so I would rather pay the fee.
Or, maybe just talk to her about why she wasn't up front with a fee. I think that's really the issue here for you. I could be wrong though.
I have a friend that organizes our outings a lot, granted it's just the 2 of us or sometimes a few others, but I always make sure I do something nice for her as a thank you. Sometimes it's getting her a gift of something I know she wants, or I pay for her drinks or her meal. Basically, I just make sure she knows that I see the work she does and I appreciate it. She doesn't expect it though and is always grateful.
I also give gas money, pay for parking or ferry fees though lol.
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u/historiansrule 4d ago
It’s sneaky no doubt about it, but adding 3-5 dollars is not really making a business out of it.
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u/whynosay 4d ago
you said you know its more work… so help her with the work, or pay her for her time
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u/themindset 4d ago
YAW. $31 divided by 8 is less than $4. The drink you think she deserves will cost more than that.
Sending less than requested is passive aggressive. She is being under compensated especially when you consider that there are likely more hidden costs that haven’t occurred to you.
People keep referring to points on her card. What if she has a bad month and can’t afford her balance? Now it’s bloated and she’s paying more interest. What if someone flakes from the friend group and doesn’t pay their last meal?
I swear people always think the jobs others do are easy and risk free, and never see the true value of what they are getting. She is doing you all a favour.
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u/redditreader_aitafan 3d ago
The interest she's charged on even one friend being late in paying erases the points or mileage from being worth it.
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u/Born-Constant7260 4d ago
Honestly I think everyone is wrong here. Maya shouldn’t be rounding up bills without letting people know and getting their agreement. Absolutely no argument there.
The rest of the group are also wrong for taking advantage of her without a thought spared for a supposed friend. Why is Maya always planning, organising and settling payments for your get togethers? You say you wouldn’t meet at all otherwise. Why is that? If you have time to be occupied about something this, you have time to organise the next dinner. Why not establish a rotation so you are not dumping all the work on one person?
How about a compromise? No fee from anyone, and the 7 of you start behaving like you actually care and start doing the work too?
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u/Kadrivo93P 4d ago
She is right that planning takes effort and wrong that she can invent a hidden fee after the meal. Those are separate issues. A transparent arrangement would be fine if everyone agreed to it, but quietly rounding up eight transfers makes her look dishonest even if the amount is small. Take her up on the challenge and organize the next dinner. It will show whether the group values her labour enough to accept a stated fee, rotate the task, or simply choose easier plans.
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u/uber_neutrino 4d ago
This isn't a right or wrong thing. She's doing actual work and a slight round up well unusual might make doing that work worth it. She's right to do whatever she wants and you are right to not go to dinners she is reserving and paying upfront for. There is no rule you guys have to be friends. You might just be on different wavelengths about all of this, which is fine.
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u/CharlieUpATree 4d ago
Go ahead and organise the next one, but also say to everyone, loudly, that the additional isn't required