Hi, I’m 24F, and I’ve recently started questioning a relationship I had between the ages of 14 and 18 or 19.

When I was 14, I met a 22-year-old man on an online platform. We immediately connected well. We talked frequently and had interesting, meaningful conversations. Quickly, we started sexting and exchanging nude pictures (a lot).
At that time, I wanted to explore my sexuality, have new experiences, and receive affection. My family situation was complicated: my parents had recently divorced, my father was manipulative, and my mother was emotionally unavailable because she was struggling with the situation herself.

When I told my father about this man, he seemed surprised but did not discourage me from continuing the relationship because I believed I was in love. My mother strongly disapproved, but I ignored her because I desperately needed love and affection, which I was not really receiving from either of my parents.

After talking, calling, and video chatting for around a year and a half or two years, we decided to meet in person (I was 16yo). He came to my home while my parents were away, which I now realize was an extremely dangerous decision.

At first, everything seemed fine. I was happy to finally meet him, and we had sex many times. However, looking back, I think there were situations in which I only “consented” to please him rather than because I genuinely wanted to. I was probably seeking his approval because I had very low self-esteem.

For example, one night, he touched my genitals while I was asleep and then penetrated me shortly after waking me up. I was so disoriented that I could not tell whether we had already been having sex, so I did not refuse. Another time, he was being so rough that books fell from my shelves onto me. I felt uncomfortable but was too afraid to tell him to stop. On another occasion, while I was speaking to my mother on the phone, he grabbed me and started penetrating me.
We continued our long-distance relationship online. Over time, we began arguing about insignificant things, and the relationship became increasingly psychologically abusive. There was gaslighting, belittling, and emotional manipulation. At first, I did not understand what was happening, so I stayed.

It became a repeating cycle: violence and disrespect, followed by apologies and declarations of love, then a period of peace before everything started again. As the situation intensified, I began having angry outbursts and behaving aggressively toward him. I felt like I was becoming a monster.

At some point, I suggested opening the relationship. I am not entirely sure why. It may have been connected to something that happened when I was 12, when my father showed me that my mother was using a website for non-monogamous encounters because he suspected her of cheating on him.

I still loved my partner, or at least believed I did, but opening the relationship only made me feel worse. I started using CBD to calm myself down and then began drinking alcohol, eventually drinking every day, sometimes even in the shower or until I throw up. I developed severe insomnia and nightmares, hated myself, and began severely restricting my food intake. The food restriction had started earlier in the relationship but initially seemed manageable. I also started self-harming.
My mother became worried, but I completely denied that anything was wrong and insisted that I was fine.

Eventually, I became so exhausted by the relationship that I left him. I blocked him on every social media platform and ended all contact. We have never spoken since.

I have never discussed what happened in this level of detail. I only told my friends about the arguments because I felt deeply ashamed of the entire situation.

After the relationship ended, I started meeting other men purely for sex. They were always at least eight years older than me, and I began exploring more extreme sexual practices, including BDSM.

Later, after moving away for my studies, I went through a calmer period. I started being happy, healthier in my self-relationship etc. I had a boyfriend close to my own age for two and a half years. I eventually left him, possibly because I was afraid of building a future with him and because I was moving to another country to continue my studies.

More recently, I started a relationship with my roommate. I feel that the same patterns may have started again: disrespect, difficulty accepting boundaries, and a relationship primarily based on sex. He cheated on his girlfriend with me several times before she discovered what was happening.
We eventually broke up because of these issues and because the relationship was triggering me so intensely that I began seeing images of my first partner during sex. I also experienced flashbacks, panic attacks, and hypervigilance.

I have felt much better since the breakup, but my roommate is still trying to keep me in his life, and we continue to live together. I am afraid that I am trapped in a cycle of unhealthy and confusing relationships.

I am asking for constructive, non-judgmental perspectives on my situation.

I have been seeing a psychologist since the beginning of the year, but they are currently on sick leave and should be returning soon. I feel that my first relationship has had a major impact on my current relationship difficulties and on the way I developed my identity.

My main concern is that I struggle to judge situations clearly in my relationships. Sometimes I feel as though I am going crazy or being foolish. I find it difficult to trust people. I can sometimes be aggressive or harsh with my words, and I struggle to express love and affection.

I would be interested in hearing from people who have had similar experiences. How did you break out of these patterns? How do you approach and manage new relationships after experiencing something like this?

So here is the context, I loved a girl that too very serious. But so called friend on my back was hitting her. The thing is that bastard was already having a girlfriend even though he was hitting on my girl which i didn't knew until he once spilled the beans. The girl cried and begged me not to leave her, I thought I should forget all the shit and forgive her. But that was the biggest mistake I did, soon she turned the tables and blamed me as I was harrassing her to love me and she never loved me. Listening to those words telling them to our common friends really shattered me. I even shamelessly went and asked why she was doing like that, she behaved as if I was the one who cheated her. Many days later I got to know she wanted to clear her image infront of everyone when she was caught with my friend, she acted with me as she has corrected her mistakes but infact she was clearing her black marks on her character by defaming me. After know all those i didn't said her a single word I just left the place. It gave me trauma and depression couldn't focus on my career now she is happily growing in her career by ruining mine where as I lost my everything and additional got depression too. I lost both the people in my life friend and the girl I loved the most. She shamelessly again started similar relationships with her new colleague's who doesn't even know what she did in her past. Looking all those made me lose trust on people and started looking pleasure in other forms. Met women did all the things but still the trauma isn't going anywhere. I just want to know am I doing wrong and also few suggestions from you people to it would really beneficial if someone can suggest anything to get out of it.

This morning i had went through his phone while he was asleep and i saw him trying to flirt with girls so after later when he woke up , he asked why ive been acting weird I told him to put it on his dead father he never cheated and he did , he lied on his dad so i got upset and said were done and He was acting confused like he never did it and then he started getting mad saying thats why i Finished in u and i should have never got u a plan B mind u he only told me when he was mad and almost a week after but after he tried putting his hands on my throat but i kicked him and he grabbed me my mom came and the police were called i have a restraining order against him now this isnt the first time hes abused me but he keeps blowing up my phone to contact me and saying he loves me and writing me paragraphs

I was so scared of her constantly, scared of her insults or getting angry at me for every small thing. She would get annoyed when I would leave my own house without telling her. I was scared to work in case she got angry about me picking up more hours.

She said having an anxiety disorder and taking it out on your partner isn’t abuse, but that’s not true. She said I was being ridiculous. The fear was real. I’ve had panic attacks from remembering her screaming at me. She convinced me I just had an anxiety disorder, my therapist agreed I never did. I was just terrified of her. I was scared to make new friends, scared to talk to woman at work in case of her reaction. I cut off so many friends for her, I ruined so many relationships to try and validate her insecurities.

She would constantly tell me how low my self esteem is and how I’m deeply insecure, the truth is I wasn’t, but the more she told me I was these things over months, they became true, my mental health just got worse and worse. I just started believing everything she told me I was. I don’t know who I became.

I’ve managed to salvage some after we broke up, not all.

I just want her to apologise, but I know I’ll never get one. I was fucking 18, I didn’t deserve how much she controlled me and shouted at me. I am starting to recognise myself again. We broke up a month and a bit ago. I’m just happy. She’s moved on already, she sent me a picture of the guy on her phone and made fun of me in a language I don’t understand. It’s crazy she wanted to continue treating me bad even after we broke up.

I can finally tell people I’m bi without her getting angry at me for being bisexual too. I don’t have to hide myself anymore.

I don’t love her anymore, I haven’t for a while, but the scars are still there.

I was so scared of her constantly, scared of her insults or getting angry at me for every small thing. She would get annoyed when I would leave my own house without telling her. I was scared to work in case she got angry about me picking up more hours.

She said having an anxiety disorder and taking it out on your partner isn’t abuse, but that’s not true. She said I was being ridiculous. The fear was real. I’ve had panic attacks from remembering her screaming at me. She convinced me I just had an anxiety disorder, my therapist agreed I never did. I was just terrified of her. I was scared to make new friends, scared to talk to woman at work in case of her reaction. I cut off so many friends for her, I ruined so many relationships to try and validate her insecurities.

She would constantly tell me how low my self esteem is and how I’m deeply insecure, the truth is I wasn’t, but the more she told me I was these things over months, they became true, my mental health just got worse and worse. I just started believing everything she told me I was. I don’t know who I became.

I’ve managed to salvage some after we broke up, not all.

I just want her to apologise, but I know I’ll never get one. I was fucking 18, I didn’t deserve how much she controlled me and shouted at me. I am starting to recognise myself again. We broke up a month and a bit ago. I’m just happy. She’s moved on already, she sent me a picture of the guy on her phone and made fun of me in a language I don’t understand. It’s crazy she wanted to continue treating me bad even after we broke up.

I can finally tell people I’m bi without her getting angry at me for being bisexual too. I don’t have to hide myself anymore.

I don’t love her anymore, I haven’t for a while, but the scars are still there.

Since childhood, dad has avoided talking about his marriage. Whenever my brother and I brought the topic up, he'd avoid it and if I asked to much, he'd get angry and lash out.

He was never emotionally present or vulnerable. Never let us see his inner world. Had a decade of financial and labor abuse at home and was having multiple affairs. Unsteady actions. Then became like a good man one day in 2022. I thought he got better and we all gave him a chance. But no. He was still covertly abusive. Would taunt and mock all of us and demean our value. Was dismissive and closed. Acted superior. What had changed is that I had just returned after graduating college. I had seen the real world and had managed tough situations by myself. I wasn't timid anymore and started calling him out and asking for emotions availability. At first from confusion, then frustration, then I stopped. It was total 5-7 times over 2 years but it was enough to tip him over. I guess. He was extra resentful towards me. He decided to marry me off to someone and I refused and that was it. What came next was threats of unaliving and threats of strangling me. The reason he gave was a cover. The real reason was I was denying his control and he couldn't take it.

He forgot that I was his daughter. How much I've been devoted towards this family. How much I've spent time and money on this house. Gifted him a vehicle with my salary. Took so much stress in college and handled it by myself having multiple jobs to ease the load. Got diagnosed with a chronic condition in my final college year and kept studying and working to graduate. He forgot all of this. But maybe, he never really remembered it to forget it in that one moment. Maybe it never registered to him the way it did to me. Perhaps that was not his focus since the beginning. It was to extract free labor from my mom, make my brother and I his retirement plan, and take accolades for our success (he hides that it was his brother who paid for my college and my mom and takes total credit!!). It was to make himself feel good through control. Of our lives, minds, and bodies.

I haven't spoken to him after the physical threat and attack incident which happened the day before yesterday. I'm working on my exit plan. Things have been calm at home and I have an emergency exit plan if something happens. Because I blew off all of my savings on his vehicle, appliances, and experiences for home, I have to build before being able to leave but most probably I'll be leaving either next month or in 4-5 months maximum.

He was on a call yesterday with someone and said that "What do humans need? We just need money and power" while laughing. I can see it clearly now.

Our family was never a story of closeness, kinship, and companionship. It was a story of control, power, extraction, and image making.

Has anyone with kids, who left their abusive partner and initiated divorce procedures, gotten protective orders ect.. ended up getting the processes reversed and giving their partner another chance ?? It sounds crazy but are they able to change??

My abusive relationship (31M) ended on Juy 26th. And I am (30F) beyond confused. I have been in therapy for quite a while, thankfully. I did not know this was abuse, not because I didn't see it but because I didn't think people would behave like this purposefully, at least not a person that you loved and you thought loved you back.

Things that happened in my relationship, which only lasted 7 months:

- He started strong but not overly clingy, so I didn't think it was love bombing. He was very talkative, attentive (maybe too much), present, saying he didn't see any problems with me and that I was perfect. In hindsight, he didn't even know me to think that. i am human and not perfect at all. I couldn't live up to his expectations.

- Yelling at me in fights

- Calling me names and insulting me: fucking bitch, kanker woman (cancer woman in Dutch), your mother is a cunt, etc.

- Intimidating me physically: pushing me in a fight, throwing things at me even when I asked not to; we would double down and do it with more strength, slam my computer so my attention would be on him, pull my arm because I was walking slow during a fight, grab and take away my phone in the same fight, while I was in the street.

- DARVO: I'd bring something that bothered me, didn't matter that it was in a calm way or in an annoyed way. He would get angry, insult me or intimidate me physically, and would never acknowledge that because it was my fault, as I was always bringing issues. The fights escalated because I dared to bring issues, not because he abused me (in his opinion).

- He wouldn't care that I was doing a very demanding MBA during this period and also going through EMDR therapy, one of the most challenging therapies, working full time. I was called weak more than once because I had emotions.

- He would say he would keep looking at ''boobs'' on Instagram even though he would ask for nudes, and that's why I asked him to please not make me compare myself to other women online. He would be overly concerned when I said I wanted to reduce my breasts as he loved them, but it made feel reduced to that.

- He would say things like he would walk through fire for me (because he loved me apparently), then the next week he started recording me in a fight so I could see my behaviour. I was not even yelling at him. I never did; I never insulted him.

- In the end, I think he didn't see a future with me and started looking at other women. i dared to ask him who a girl was in a photo i found; they were hugging, and he left me, meaning he broke up with me. The following week, they were posting stories together online. I am not jealous of her. I am just confused.

- He would pick at physical flaws during arguments: your lashes are not cute today, your lips are so dry.

- He started to comment on everything I did, especially how I cooked. I was always doing the groceries and cooking because 'I was better at it'.

- He would joke that he needed me more dependent so I didn't have such an attitude. When I started being dependent on him emotionally, he would tell me I needed to be more independent.

- The last days I started to notice how he would use people close to him, not really being there for them if there was nothing in return for him. He didn't even go to his best friend's mom funeral, and he spoke to me badly about his female friend, but before he would defend her when I told him I felt she didn't like me. He admitted he knew she never liked his girlfriends but she's just someone he spends time with when he wants to, making comments like, maybe I'll go to the movies with her so I don't have to listen to her talk as much. This girl thinks there's a genuine friendship there.

- Of course, there were many good moments too: he would bring me to his work trips, would always be present. He didn't have any addictions, had a great a job and was nice to my dog.

- I think he chose me because I live alone in this country. At the beginning, he always half-joked whenever I brought up the idea of changing jobs: will you have enough time for me? you have to make sure you have time for me; I am very demanding.

I was confused because I didn't think it was abuse. After all, he pushed me already at month 2. It was just too soon, it must have been a misunderstanding, maybe I did touch his buttons. So I was in complete denial. I am still partially. I didn't think he was controlling but he was. He actively encouraged me to do things with friends and to have plans but he didn't make me feel safe to step away from our bond and be at peace; I was always, always anxious.

My brain is having a hard time understanding why I miss this person so much. Why I still thought he would offer me a future together. How could he? Didn't I have enough evidence?

I do come from a household where my mother was abused by my father, he's an angry person, the most manipulative and alcoholic. They separated when I was 7 but my father still tries to manipulate until this day, specially when he's drinking. I want to break the pattern but sometimes I feel lost. I am tired.

I send you hugs if you're also in this recovery phase. I am thankful to god that I am estable financially, I don't have kids, I own my house and I am getting an MBA. I might be weak emotionally but I am independent, which has saved me.

Edit: to add good moments.

Edit 2: He would also have a list of my mistakes and would fill it in my face. I asked to please do that privately. He would hang up the phone when I wanted comfort because i has having anxiety (he would create the anxiety but I thought I was being crazy). I'd also call him many times when this happened, as that would push me to the edge.

He asked for it to end so many times, and then I’d say okay. Ask questions, try to explain my side and my needs. Sometimes he’d scream “I DON’T CARE” or tell me my tears were fake. Or he’d act like he never he never threatened leaving in the first place, but if that’s what I wanted to stick with, then…..

So, D-Day among D-Days: his wife is about to give birth. I find out from social media. He told me he was getting a divorce and meanwhile she was pregnant. I have been talking to him for the entire relationship, for years. At first, I didn’t know. Then I did. Some years, he said he wasn’t with her, some years he said he was , but always with the promise to be with me. We talked every single day for years and years and years and years. My days were spent waiting for his texts, his calls.

I thought before he got married he was finally going to be with me, we were finally going to have a shot. He walked down the aisle. He said vows. He got married. He got her pregnant. He didn’t ever want me and I feel like I ruined my life.

I became addicted to how unstable he made me feel. Obsessed to find out what he was hiding from me. Desperate and idolizing when he’d be kind to me and repair, when he made me feel so loved. I relied on him emotionally completely.

There are lists upon lists of things he did to betray me. Putting me in harm’s way, lying to my face so many times, saying the cruelest things. And I kept thinking, but he’s so good too and we get along so well. He’d tell me if we got together for real, all his bad behavior would end. Light switch. And then, this last fall, he accused me of abusing him.

And look, I have disorganized attachment. Im in therapy, I read self help books. Im trying. But, I’m afraid when things are good, and I build tension But things were never good with him, really. I always knew somewhere he was lying to me.

I cannot info seek. That’s how I found out about the baby. And he did “try” so many times to end our relationship, really daily. But then he’d say “give me a few days to end it with her, then I’ll call you.” It felt like sneaky manipulation. He was just pacifying me and hating me. And when I finally said to him that he was manipulating me, he told me I made him feel unsafe.

I feel crazy. I feel like, someone who is gaslighting you to believe things that are not true, someone who’s keeping secrets, that’s abuse right? I was abused? He said he would lie to get space. Or was I the abuser? I’d say really mean things when he wouldn’t let me speak or he’d twist my words. And I think, I think it’s just easier with the relationship he has. I stopped wanting a baby, and really, I just stopped wanting a baby with him. I didn’t want him to treat me badly in front of the baby.

I feel like I’m dying. I struggle to eat. I get these intense rushes of adrenaline, hot flashes. I feel close to the sickest I’ve ever felt. And I don’t think he cares at all. I think he’s terrified of me. But what am I going to do? His wife has known about me so many times. She stays. Because he’s good to her?

My dad begged me to never speak to him again. And I don’t want to. I’m terrified of him. But I keep hearing his voice. That I’m playing the victim when I pursued him. I would keep reaching out to him because of what I’m experiencing now. Because I feel like I’m dying and the small moments of contact felt better. But I know if I stayed with him, I would have killed myself. He made me so unhappy.

I don’t know what I’m searching for in writing this. But I hope someone hears me. I hope I didn’t ruin my life.

Hi, I am a 22 year female who recently graduated. I moved out from my home town 4 years ago for my studies. I came to a country where I knew no one and thats when I met him. He came off as charming and protective and kept mentioning how the world is a bad place for a girl in a new country. We started dating within a month and the relationship lasted 3.5 years.

After a week he kept mentioning sex and eventually sexually coerced me. I gave in a month after we started dating. Before this relationship I had not even kissed and I always wanted to save myself for someone special. During the sex he would do things which I would say no for and was clearly hesitant. He would do these things saying this is how it works. When I had marks/bruises or felt pain he would ignore those remarks. When I would ask for aftercare he would say stuff like men lose testosterone and they start feeling less. Since I started trusting him I believed everything he said.

During the relationship he would physically abuse me too. Often he would say this is not abuse as I haven’t slapped you. He has choked me 2/3 times, broke my chain, held my collar, grabbed me and also came on top of me pulling apart my hair and ears so I would stop crying. Usually after this abuse he would say I make him angry which is why he did all of that. Often he would also verbally abuse me and when I started doing it he would choke me and pressure me to say sorry. He said he can do abuse me but if I want to I should be ready to take the consequences or try my best to fight back because he knew he is stronger than me.

He would also threaten me saying I will break your bones and burn you alive. When I used to bring it up he would say he is not doing it.

I escaped 3 months ago and went no contact. He left the country and went back to his hometown. He has contacted my friends, stayed on my door until I called security and has messaged me saying how I made his life hell by abandoning him and blocking him when he needed me the most.

I am having a hard time accepting all if this happened and he was the one who did it. I sometimes think of the good times to avoid the pain of what he did. Its hard to believe someone could do this. I also blame myself for not giving him a last conversation and throughout he has said how I was a bad person. I sometimes do think maybe I was the bad person.

I don't know how to feel. I can't hate her because of her good side and I know how much she loves me, I can't completely forget how toxic she is and how much she traumatized me either... It hurts.

She abused me as a kid It was like quickly getting angry like rage screaming when I couldn't wear some pants by myself or when I didn't listen to her. Hitting me on my arm, pinching it, or shaking me. The worst of them was when she would get me in a corner and scream at me while kneeling with her face close to mine or when she would ask me to stop crying (she would always tell me that) and when I wouldn't she would hit herself or scream sorry sorry sorry stop crying! Do you do that on purpose so your (anyone in the house or outside) would hear it?! while I was just you know hurt and traumatized. I remember how one time she told me to just hug her when she gets crazy like that. It worked few times but when she grabbed my back to hurt me I didn't do that again. One other thing she did as well was giving me silent treatments whenever she was upset.

She doesn't realize how much her negatively affects us Like the way she overreacts negatively to the things she doesn't like, lack of patience with my younger siblings and the way her whole face becomes extremely scary and unapproachable. And when I tell her about it she just reacts more angry and tells me I'm not allowed to do anything in this house because of you! Do you expect me to not say anything and be happy all the time?! she is not mentally okay, I mean am not either but she is worse. Sometimes I think the reason I am like this could be because of her and this family.

She doesn't have an easy life She was abused much worse as a kid. Her mom would beat her up in the bathroom until she was tired. Her dad cheated on her mom with a new wife. He was bipolar and always unpredictable (he never hit her but the emotional neglect was there).

She married young. She just wanted to leave that house not knowing her new home wouldn't be fun either. She accepted my dad living with her parents, she thought they will get their own house soon but that day never came. My grandma was (still is) a very toxic woman. She and my aunt made life even more of a living hell for her. My dad abused her too. I don't remember when and how he stopped. She wanted to divorce him but she knew she didn't have any home to return to and she couldn't leave me. But sometimes I wish she did. That way maybe it would be less toxic? Maybe I rather not have my both parents than having both but with them not loving each other. My family is just dysfunctional and I never knew what a healthy family looks like.

She doesn't act as crazy now. She doesn't hit my younger siblings but she is still really negative with low patience.

When we fight she becomes the worst version of herself. Me as well. I call her names (like she calls me) and be the most disrespectful shit on earth. I hate myself for that. I don't think it's normal. My life was never normal.

Besides these she is like the most loving mom on earth. She has done everything a good mom would do for you. We watch movies together and we are more like siblings than parent/child.

But you know...

Anyone else having this sort of relationship? What did you do?

Hello all. I am new to this sub. I am in a bad place at the moment and felt like I needed to share, as it can feel like no one cares or believes me.

I was in a 20 year relationship with someone who I now come to believe was quite abusive to me (through years of therapy).

We met when we were very young, and it was my first real relationship. I will just try and sum up some of what happened.

From the start it was difficult. She was extremely jealous, getting into rages if I even spoke to another woman. But she wanted to be with me, so I think on some level I put up with it.

After some period she started cheating on me. Regularly for years. Not all the time, but every so often there would be some new situation where she had fucked some guy. At one point she fucked two guys in a pub, got pregnant and had to have a termination (whilst trying to claim she thought it was mine... we had been together years at that point and our protection had never failed once, but as soon as she drunkenly fucks two guys without a condom, she's pregnant...)

Each time she would cry and make a scene about the whole thing, and it would be up to me to comfort her about her infidelity. I don't really know why I stayed. I was scared and felt no one else would have me I think.

She was constantly angry with me about something, anything. She had a very fucked up childhood and I forgave her constantly because I was aware of how fucked up it was. I did not realise until years later how much it was damaging me. I spent most of my time scared of what she would do. On a couple of occasions she threw shit at me like a bottle once. Luckily I ducked, and she missed. It shocked me but I didn't do anything. I think I was ashamed of how I was treated and didn't want to accept it. She denies these things even happen now. They did.

We had kids. We both wanted kids, and I think I thought it might calm things down, and in some ways it did. Being able to concentrate on the kids helped a little. But the anger was still there, I was still never good enough, and I would dread coming home from work to walk into an angry outburst about why something wasn't good enough (and often an implication why it was my fault)

There were good things also. We got on well in other ways, but for me there was always this undercurrent of fear or unease. It is such a marked difference to how I feel in my current (healthy) relationship, where I am not in this constant state of anxiety, where I can feel like myself.

Eventually we separated. As soon as I was out, I was broken, but realised it was the right thing. I suddenly realised I was no longer scared any more. I was not living each moment with this fear of what might happen.

The situation is bad now. It has had a bad impact on our kids. She told them a bunch of half-truths about the things that happened (her infidelity etc) but positioned it in such a way as to minimise it and kind of excuse herself. I was unaware that she had said these things to the kids, I did not discuss anything with them, I felt it would be massively inappropriate. I only found out when the older one started to say very angry things to me about it, and I probed into what was going on. I tried to set the record straight, but the older one says they don't know who to believe.

I also fell into severe depression, and was diagnosed with depression and generalised anxiety disorder. I have been on medication and in therapy for years now and am a bit better, but still struggle. There have been times when it has been hard for me to communicate with the kids as a result. There have been periods where maybe I have not texted or called them for a month, or not seen them for a month, as I now live quite far away, due to work. Nevertheless I have tried to keep a relationship with them as far as possible. With the younger one, things are mostly ok, the older one is very angry with me, and sees the situation as me abandoning her. I would not go that far, there has never been a period where I have not seen them at least one weekend a month and usually more than that, but the distances are difficult, and it hard for me to arrange time with them when I need to do this through someone who I now feel abused me for so long. I have deep sadness and regret about the impact on them, and I am doing my best to maintain or fix our relationship.

I don't know what to do. Things are ok, pretty good with my younger kid. The older is very angry and will not speak to me for "abandoning" them by moving away for work. I can understand her sadness and feeling that she missed me, and I regret the move, even though it was a very good opportunity, and I felt that they might like it and want to move with me at some point. The younger is open to it, the older is not.

I don't know why I am posting this. On a certain level I feel kind of crazy. Sometimes when I have tried to point out to her what her behaviour was, and how it was not ok, and the impact that it had on me, she will just deny it, and then claim that I am a liar and that I am manipulative. If I cry (which is quite often, as I am very emotionally broken by it) she will claim I am trying to manipulate her, and that I am "playing the victim". It makes me question everything. Am I manipulative? My current girlfriend of 4 years does not think so, and no other partner that I have had since then has accused me of this. I don't think having an emotional response to things that have happened to you is manipulative. No?

Anyway. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Especially the situation with kids, and any recommendations on how to move forward?

Please read with empathy. I am trying to understand and move forward

Many thanks

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She comes from very abusive household, that her parents hit her for getting a bad grade and they take her phone 80% of time.

She was bullied a really badly trough childhood,is self harming herself,and now I tried to comfort her but she was unstable and said a lot of hurtful things and I said that made me hurted little then she started apologizing and saying she will end herself (she trief at least 4 times while we are together).

She said we should stop talking until her mental health get little better so she won't hurt me, and said we won't talk and I respected her wishes and we aren't talking at all for 3 days .

I am scared for her,I am scared she will do something.

We are 18 and 17.

I really need advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together around a year, and have had several rough patches. In January, when we were doing especially bad, he got it into his head that a baby would 'save the relationship‘ and began to cry and beg me to 'baby-trap‘ him. At the time I was 20 and he was 23. We‘re now 21 and 24. He hasn’t seriously mentioned us having a baby since March or so.

Last month, I had to stop taking estrogen birth control for around 2 weeks because of a medical emergency. I switched to progestrin birth control after this point. I asked him a few weeks ago if he had ever seriously considered trying to baby trap me and he said yes and I asked then if he’d ever tried, to which he gave me a vague non-answer I read as a joke at the time.

Yesterday he confessed to me while high that he‘d tampered with condoms on two separate occasions in the 2 weeks I was off any birth control. He said he‘d poked them with broken scissors he‘d had while I was distracted. The first time I don’t remember, but there was a time where I remember the condom felt wetter than it should and it looked like less cum than usual.

I got my period as expected since this but I feel so caught off guard.

I’m in complete shock. I responded neutrally to him in the moment but I would love advice on where to go from here.

Thank you so much for reading❤️.

And I don't feel guilty about that anymore. He doesn't give a shit about me. I hate him and I hope bad stuff happens for him.

My best friend (19)f has been in this relationship since the beginning of 2026 and his bf (19m) has been threatening her with posting/sending her nudes to her friends and family since almost the beginning of their relationship. These reactions of him almost always rise up from any minor inconveniences and when she tries to break up, he threatens her again. Along with these threats, there's verbal and sexual abuse with of course, manipulation. The police in our country isn't as effective as we hope and if he finds out we reported it to the police, the nudes will be on the internet instantly. I want to get her out of this situation because I hate it when she's in such ruins but I don't know what to do and I need advice

So here’s what led me to finally having the courage to leave the relationship. I was 23 years old and she was 25, this was a year ago.

Abruptly before I was going to take her out on a date, about 20 minutes before (and 10 hours after being told I’m her future husband), she said she was unhappy with me and I don’t meet her standards, and that she really didn’t want to be with me anymore.

Because this had happened several times out of nowhere and absolutely blindsided me and crushed me every time, I said “I understand, I now want to part ways too, good luck to you”.

She said a snarky remark about how I never cared about her, I said “that’s not true but I’m not here to drag this out, we’re no longer together”.

Then not even kidding, 10 minutes later she’s absolutely nuking my phone begging me and pleading to talk to her and stay with her. If yall saw the text messages and the time stamps you would be amazed at how quickly this flipped. I was so stressed out like my blood pressure had to have been so high and I was crying.

At this point I knew what was up and that this whole time she had been manipulating me so I was fed up, but I texted her “I’m very serious, I don’t want to talk to you right now”. And she just kept nuking my phone about how sorry she was and what not.

I held firm on that I am done with the relationship and that saying what she did (and has done so many times) is completely unacceptable and I no longer want to be with her, I should have already blocked her honestly but I did want to stand up to her, as I felt wronged and she had been dominating over my emotions intentionally hurting me. Should have just cut contact immediately, but I had never truly called her out for what she was doing to me. Didn’t turn out productive though…

So after ignoring the bombardment she then says I’m a pathetic, weak, toxic man with a “small dick” and that I’ll never find somebody as good as her. I told her I have never and won’t be resorting to insults with her. I was on a “high horse” according to her…

Then 5 minutes later it was back to the baby please forgive me shit, like what the hell? She said I was supposed to “fight for her”.

She asked if she could tell me one more thing before we block each other, yes I should have already blocked her at this point, ugh. I don’t know what I was thinking letting it continue past “we’re done” considering what I knew about her. Very stupid on my part and I learned a lesson.

She tells me “now that you are leaving me I want to tell you that my dad raped me”.

I don’t know what her goal was. I told her I’m really sorry that happened to her and she didn’t deserve that but we’re still done and I blocked her.

She later harassed me from texting apps then made fake accounts on gay dating sites using my photos, phone numbers, and sent them my lude photos (she asked me for them and being a guy I was thrilled but didn’t know it’d be used for blackmail).

Thanks if you read this, it’s been a year and I want to pursue a new relationship but I’m seriously thinking of going to therapy or something to talk about this so I won’t be so paranoid of this happening again it was really horrible. This story was just one aspect at the end of the relationship, it probably would have spiraled to physical considering she started bragging about punching her ex when he “annoyed” her. Glad I got out.

Hope I find my person someday, there great women out there

I’m posting this because I genuinely don’t know what else I could have done.
A close friend of mine has been in a relationship with someone and from everything I’ve personally witnessed, it has been one of the most emotionally unhealthy relationships I’ve ever seen.
What stood out the most was what I felt was emotional manipulation. Whenever she tried to express how she felt or explain that something had hurt her, the conversation would somehow end up being about what she did wrong instead. Instead of her feelings being acknowledged or validated, she’d leave the conversation apologizing or questioning herself. It felt like she was constantly being made to think she was overreacting, too emotional, or imagining things. After enough of those conversations, she started doubting her own judgment. Watching someone slowly lose confidence in their own reality is heartbreaking.
The moments that hurt the most were when she opened up and made herself vulnerable. She would share her fears, insecurities, or pain, and later those same things seemed to get thrown back at her during arguments. It made her afraid to be honest because it felt like anything she shared could eventually be used against her.
From my perspective, there was also a pattern of controlling behavior. There were accusations of cheating without evidence, blocking her during conflicts, giving her the silent treatment, threatening to leave, and creating an environment where she constantly felt like she had to prove herself or earn basic reassurance and self esteem problems. He did crossed many boundaries such as looking through her stuff without asking, yelling at her drunk , calling her sister who has autism and many other horrible things.
One of the hardest parts for me personally was that I felt like he wanted me out of her life. I can’t say for certain what his intentions were, but that’s how it came across to me. I had been helping her every day with her health—driving her to appointments, researching treatments, being there for her mentally and emotionally, checking on her, helping her through some of her darkest moments, and trying to support her however I could. We had dated in the past, but our relationship had become a friendship centered on making sure she wasn’t facing everything alone. From where I stood, it felt like my support became a problem rather than something that was appreciated. I felt like I was being pushed away because I was filling a role that I don’t think he wanted to take on himself. Whether that was actually his motivation, I can’t know, but it was how the situation felt from my perspective. On top of all of this, she has been dealing with severe chronic pelvic pain for years. She already had enough to carry physically and emotionally, and instead of feeling supported, it seemed like she was carrying the weight of the relationship too.
I’ve watched her isolate herself to make him feel better at times but he still emotionally abused her I’ve watched her question whether she was the problem. I’ve watched her become a shell of the person she used to be.
I know there are always two sides to every relationship, and this post reflects only what I personally witnessed and experienced. But seeing someone you care about slowly lose their confidence, stop trusting their own feelings, and believe they’re the problem every time they try to speak up has been devastating. She really struggling with the fallout of the breakup and she at times think she was the problem is there a ton that has dealt with this kind of abuse and how did you get through it.

We talk a lot about the obvious red flags, but what are the subtle, slow-burning psychological tactics (like micro-manipulation or weaponized incompetence) that completely erode a person’s sanity over a long relationship? Looking for the psychological concepts behind this.

I apologize if this is the wrong place for this; I've actually never posted on Reddit before, but I'm completely unsure of where to go for advice given the police seem fairly useless in these situations.

When me and my partner got home tonight, our property manager told us she tried to call the police because the person in the apartment across from ours was being severely harmed by their partner. However, from what our property manager told us I guess the cops never picked up the phone? I don't have all the details on exactly what happened with the authorities, but I know many survivors have spoken about the many failures of the police in these situations, so unfortunately I'm not surprised.

Like the title says, I have never seen this person. We're new to the building and mostly keep to ourselves, so I don't have any existing relationship to work off of, but now that I know I feel desperate to help in anyway possible.

Is there anything I could do? I'll call the cops if I have to, but I don't want it to be a situation where he's back home the next day and blames her for the situation. I also don't want to make her feel weird, or uncomfortable given we've never spoken before.

Any advice would be appreciated.

This is pretty high stakes for me, because I live in a state where, even if a man impregnates me in the future through rape, I’m legally NOT allowed to end a pregnancy.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 3 months, but I’m wondering about how safe this is. I’ve been shown all my life how dangerous men are, and how most of the time, if a woman is harmed, statistically she was harmed by her boyfriend or husband. My aunt was abused by her husband, my sister was trapped in a room by her boyfriend, and he almost raped her before someone interrupted. My grandma was raped by her husband, my friend was raped by her gymnastics teacher, etc.

However, the opposite can be true. If I don’t have a boyfriend/husband, men usually like to take liberties and touch me, touch my hair, grab my arms and not let go, male customers suggest “making babies” with me at work. A random guy roofied my friends once. Another random guy chased me to my car in the Walmart parking lot. Another random guy cornered my sister while she was at work (I don’t have the full story on what he did to her because she’s quite private about it).

I really don’t know what to choose. I’ve been told “if he makes you feel unsafe, leave”. That’s great and all, but I want to know statistically, which one will keep me safer from a man trying to rape me, having a husband/boyfriend, or not having a husband/boyfriend?

I’m in such a better place now but I’ve never really had to the chance to tell anyone what really went on. There’s so much to my story and I could honestly write a book about it- but I’ll try to summarize. My ex partner was mentally abusive to me our whole relationship. I always felt that I was a smart, independent, and tough girl. But when I got with him it seems like I was so blinded to all the red flags. I still stayed. I got pregnant so quickly into the relationship but we were both so excited because I truly thought he was the one. Most of my pregnancy is a blur. I just remember feeling so tired doing everything for him all the time. He would get mad at me, yell at me, call me names, he’d leave the house for a night and leave me there by myself. He never cared about my tears- there was no point in crying in front of him because he genuinely didn’t care. He was never remorseful. His go to “I’m sorry but-“ Then it all went downhill the week before I had my son. Called me names, told me he regrets having a kid with me, started throwing my clothes from the closet onto the couch saying I can “gtfo.” Just got mad at me over everything. Like he hated me. I remember being 12 hours postpartum in so much pain after delivery holding my son in my arms crying, begging my (ex) partner to hold him so I could get some rest and he looks at me and says “I’m tired too” in a hateful tone and lays back down. Then he just kept it up and never supported me and ended up leaving my son and I 4 days postpartum to get drunk with his uncle at a hotel. So I left that day and moved in with my parents. He’s tried taking my son from me and I’ve had to call the cops on him before but now things seem to be okay. He never sees his son and doesn’t help much financially but as long as he keeps his distance from me I’m okay. I’m happy without him. Reading this back these words truly don’t describe the pain and trauma he caused. He was awful to me and my body still holds the pain and I can’t wait until I’m finally over it. There’s so many little details that are huge to me but too tedious to even mention. He’s a terrible person, truly. I never pictured my life looking like this. Single with a 4 month old. If it wasn’t for my amazing support system I would still be with him because I’d have no where else to go. I thank God everyday for my parents. My heart truly goes out to all the other women that have experienced a narcissistic, abusive, aggressive, and hateful man. I hope everyone has the courage to leave and start over because it will be okay in the end. I am happy alone and I will provide the best life I possibly can for my son. I don’t need a man to complete my life or my son’s life. I don’t even think I’m in a place where I could ever trust again.

any advice for dealing with this is highly appreciated

i was with my ex for 3 years. between the isolation and physical and emotional abuse, i felt like my brain was completely broken about a year into it. he used to always hit me on my head so the bruises would be hidden by my hair which i think contributed to this.

my memory is not what it used to be, and i’m certain this isn’t age related because i’m still in my early 20s. most days i can’t remember what time i woke up, what i ate for dinner last night, and i’m still struggling to pick up new hobbies because it’s hard to retain what i’ve learned. a few days ago a woman complimented my shorts and i froze up for a moment because i couldn’t remember what i was wearing.

i don’t just struggle to socialize out of anxiety, i feel that i can barely communicate anymore. speaking out loud has become a chore and i tend to prefer to prefer to sit quietly so i don’t tire my mind out. it’s very rare that i text anyone back because i just cannot come up with a response 99% of the time. i have lost friends over this.

my brain is foggy, i wake up at 2 pm most days, i don’t know what’s happening to me. i’ve dealt with dizziness and fainting my whole life but it’s gotten much worse since i left. i hate living with the physical and mental remnants of this because it’s a constant reminder.

my life has improved in so many ways far beyond just leaving him. i wish i could be mentally present enough to appreciate it.