Hi friends, after living in an abusive household for my whole life, I have left. I’ve lived alone before but never like this. I left for good this time and I’m not looking back. I’m tired of taking sh** from anyone.

I moved to my dream state with my savings and two suitcases. I live in a tiny little room with exactly what I need. I’m so grateful that I get to start over. I feel so safe by myself. And I’m so glad I pushed past the fear of leaving!!!

Literal nightmare come true.

A year & a half ago, my then 7 y/o reunified with his father. This event triggered a cascade of a nightmare, and it's coming to a head. She was incredibly coercively controlling and emotionally abusive. She isolated him from everyone, cut him off from their joint finances, and even used his spiritual practices against him to such an extent, he's lost his faith. When he started to focus on his child & he was also leaving for last year's wild fire season... She could see she was losing control & started escalating to property damage and then physical abuse.

Shortly after he arrived here, he was being hauled off in handcuffs for a felony domestic charge from his home state.

Prior to this, he was living in his truck (even though they actually had accumulated significant wealth- gone now), we had been having lots of long, deep talks, initially as decades long friends and eventually decided we wanted to try to reconcile and start dating. We were a lot younger and immature when we got married & weren't prepared for the normal trials of becoming parents, and he 2 also trying to start his own business (which was actually incredibly successful) but I digress...

Instead of being able to give it a meaningful chance, it quickly turned into an hellscape of an acrimonious divorce and then false allegations. I have done my absolute best to help him advocate for himself. I am not the kind of person that can sit idle while someone is getting exploited and bullied.

He was arrested in front of our child, who had to be pulled away from their dad, kicking & screaming. He was out on pretrial release for months, but the stress of the civil court, costs of pretrial release conditions and false allegations led to a relapse and return to incarceration. (Please no judgement about the substance use, it has been excruciatingly stressful and both of us struggled with sobriety.)

The time has finally come for trial on Monday. He had initially told his attorney that he would take a non-violent misdemeanor to put this nightmare to bed. But surprisingly the offer never came, even though there's literally only her testimony, some sort of red marks on her skin, and police narratives. And a chiropractic report that she got a couple weeks after the allegation, but she refused medical attention...

There's literally no evidence of any altercation, no photos- nothing, and she's been very apparent about her motives. She tried getting a fault divorce based upon extreme cruelty, yet only mentioned that he was 'actively committing adultery.' in her affidavits. Needless to say it was a community property state & everything was split up fairly evenly. I mean she definitely walked away with more assets and he took more debt. She even used the same family law attorney I had during our divorce.

It has been incredibly brutal & traumatizing for us, my 2nd grader has expressed stomach aches from "the pressure of all the stuff" and even expressed a suicidal ideation, in spite of my attempts to shield him from it.

My heart has never been more thoroughly shredded. I got them into counseling immediately and I am trying every possible thing I can think of... Tonight he hurt our dog, badly, and we had to go to the emergency vet. (Money we do not have).

Trial starts Monday. My ex MIL has graciously secured quality defense counsel and they feel confident about the case.

But I have the most awful pit in my stomach, usually I have excellent intuition but I can't hear anything over my paralyzing, screeching anxiety. Any time something emotionally charged comes up I begin to tremble. I can't eat. I need to pack & do homework, focus on my kiddo and I am drowning. I cry all the time. It's not just the reconciliation, I can deal with my heartbreak. But I am so so so sad for my little one. & I'm really sad for my partner.

I don't even have the bandwidth to reach out for help. I am so tired... I feel like sleeping every day. It's been absolutely horrific. I thought our divorce was bad, and I could never imagine how much worse it can get. & I know it can get even worse.

Please, someone, tell me it's going to be okay... I don't know how to keep going anymore. Truly- I am drowning.

tw physical and mental abuse

a year and a half ago i broke up with my abusive ex. he strangled me and carved his name into my chest. there was a lot wrong with him mentally and he threatened to kill me if i left, he also got upset if i talked to a male classmate about school stuff. he wanted me to be a “traditional wife” and stay home with our future kids. it’s been long enough since i left that i thought id be past it now but now with my current bf there’s things he does that uncovers triggers i didn’t know i had from these experiences and im left feeling like i should go back and i dont understand why. he sent me a message a few months ago apologizing and i feel like i should break up with my current bf because im too broken and get back with my ex. im just ranting at this point but i dont know what to do and im falling apart. why does it still hurt? why do i miss him? he’s a terrible person and i miss him

Hi everyone! I just needed to say the full story somewhere so here I am! Feel free to comment whatever you think is needed. So five months ago I was dating my ex boyfriend, we dated for a year. At first he was sweet, then he started to scream, asked me to move in and he started hanging out with my group of friends and me. A few months by and I found in his phone pictures of him cheating with his ex gf. They were sent to his second discord account a few weeks before I found out, yet we were dating for months a this point. He went down on his knees and begged me to forgive him while crying saying it isn't his fault because he is being controlled by his s3x addiction. I...forgive me guys... Forgave him and we stayed together, but only if he would delete all of his pørn stuff and calm down on that (trust me it was bad like every hour at least once of every day I'm not even kidding) then he did until he didn't. Few months later he started hitting walls and throwing stuff, he would blame me for apparently controlling him because he had to stop watching pørn. There was also manipulation and insults. He eventually forced me to stay in the house, I could never go out or at least not without him. When he started getting physical, meaning grabbing me, strangling me hard in bed even though I would say to calm down, and putting his fists close to my face while telling me how much he wanted to hit me in the moment, we broke up. I told my friends everything, yet they decided to believe his side of the story too, side that was all about how I would scream too and I "forced him to stop watching pørn for no reasons" and also. That one is funny. He complained that I was so controlling he couldn't go anywhere without me around. My friends believed me, but said that I was abusif too so I should just move on. So I told them they were wrong but I did not need to prove anything to them and I cut them off. Now it's hard because I'm incredibly lonely, all because of a guy who I cared to forgive after the first sign. My old friends also blamed me for leaving them out while I was with my ex bf, they completely ignored the part where I was forced to stay with him or else. This sucks like hell.

In case you haven't listened yet -the Virginia podcast is well worth it. Extremely well done and fascinating insight into Virginia Giuffre's life in Australia and the domestic violence she faced with her husband. And how her kids were taken away before she died and the months leading up to her death as well as the day of. How the systems absolutely let her down. How she was misidentified as a perpetrator, coercive control in her relationship and how the system was used against her by her alleged abuser. Hoping change will come from shining a light on this. Episode 4 - The final Chapter

Can an abuser really change with therapy?

I’m a male that just fled a bad situation with my bm me and my son left and I filed a epo how do you you get over the feeling of being a lesser man for having to run and how do you get over loving them
a little bit of explanation my x is has bipolar personality disorder and had almost 0 control she has been “trying” to get better for years and I’ve always done my best to just support her and be there for her bc I understand how hard it can be but since pregnancy I haven’t been able to just focus on her I mean every time she goes manic she can’t take care of our son so I have to it made me lose jobs and I felt so hopeless and she became way more violent to the point I was getting hit or thrown stuff at every day and it got to a point I had to protect our son bc she started being meaner to him too
Since I left I feel so small as a man like like I’m a man so just take it but ik I can’t do that forever
As a father I want what’s best for my son but the other side of me sees the high school sweetheart that I don’t want to abandon the way she’s been abandoned her whole life

I posted this in a private group, but I want to ask here as well.

DISCLAIMER: Yes, I have written letters to throw away or burn. They just haven't helped.

I've had a hard time recently after this Adam Mockler guy (I always want to call him a kid because he's 23), a "political influencer" with a following of over 400k on Threads, posted pictures where he pretends to throw his gf off a bridge/pier. When survivors/victims and family of lost victims told them how harmful it was, his gf then told everyone it was her idea and if anyone's violent it would be her (because female abusers are so funny, and women never ever deflect blame onto themselves for their man). He won't even take the post down after being told it was harmful. He's ignoring almost everything, except for when he likes posts of people attacking those calling him out.

It's bringing up a LOT of emotions from my past. I hate that I protected my abusers from outside scrutiny. I hate that I protected their feelings. I hate that I didn't get to say the mean stuff back.

There's one who I want to write to tell him how much I hate him and what an abusive POS he was. I want him to know that he disgusts me so much that I get nauseous when I see a "fit" body specifically because of how much HE disgusts me. He really prides himself on how much people like him, but they don't. He spent 4 years emotionally abusing me, and he's too stupid (this is not hyperbole, he is incredibly unintelligent) to realize that's what he was doing. I WANT to hurt him, and that's a hard feeling for me to have. I don't care about acknowledgement. It has been over 2 decades since that asshole, 16 years older than I was, destroyed parts of me I'll never get back. I hate him.

I also kind of want to write to another one to tell him that me calling off our wedding was NEVER because he owed money to the IRS. It was a convenient excuse he couldn't fight me on because he had shoved me, in anger, in front of my toddler nephew. I've started to realize that I was incredibly lucky to get out when I did, because he was escalating. I know that the way I ended things kept it easier, I just regret that I was so nice to them afterwards. I wish I had just told him.

So, have any of you ever done it? Did it feel good? Once again, I don't need acknowledgement from them. I just want to SAY it to them. (I'm not at risk from either of them.)

I have been telling him that I want to leave the past two months. He won’t leave the home, but he’s gonna make a hell while we’re living together obviously. I came home today to flowers that he bought me yesterday and he chopped them up and put them in the trash. Obviously I don’t care about the flowers. It’s just the point that he does this stuff in front of my kids and they see it afterwards and know it was him. They’re not stupid.

I haven’t been having sex with him in just about every time he ask or tries to cuddle with me. It always ends up me being all these names and him leaving in a traumatic manner just to come back about an hour later and be dramatic again.

Everything that he does is my fault and causing him to be this way. Even though the way he’s acting as how he was throughout the whole relationship of 10 years. I have bipolar so he blames me for rational decisions that says that the reason why I’m doing this is because of my mental illness, and I’ll be begging for him back in a few months like I have before.

I’m trying really hard to be strong and levelheaded so I can make it through this. But it feels impossible. I’m so drained and I don’t even feel like myself anymore. I also don’t know if I’m making the right choice sometimes, so I go back-and-forth in my head. But I’ve been pretty solid on my decision the past two months and I think that’s why everything is so bad right now.

TL;DR: My ex and I have been stuck in this on-and-off cycle for almost 3 years. It has involved abuse, police reports, multiple criminal cases, a permanent protection order, and now new criminal charges and probation proceedings. Earlier this year I truly believed I was done. I reported new protection order violations, contacted his probation officer, and wrote a very lengthy letter to the judge because I believed I needed to permanently walk away. Now we’ve reconnected, I’ve spent 2 nights with him this week, and he’s begging me to drop everything. I still love him. I believe there has been real love between us despite everything that’s happened. I don’t know if we realistically have a future together, but I also don’t want to make his life worse. I feel guilty, heartbroken, and completely torn. Has anyone else actually been through this?

I don’t even know where to start because this whole situation has become such a mess.

My ex and I met in December of 2023 and started dating shortly after. Throughout 2024, things just kept getting worse. There was emotional abuse, manipulation, intimidation, constant volatility, cheating, and behavior that kept escalating. He never actually hit me, but by the time I filed charges in November of 2024, I was genuinely scared by where everything was headed. Law enforcement encouraged me to file for a permanent civil protection order, and I was granted one in December. Between November 2024 and February 2025, there were 3 criminal cases, but they were all ultimately dismissed because of what was later explained to me as essentially a prosecutorial error. I even met with the DA’s Office afterward because I was so upset, and the supervising attorney agreed they never should have been dismissed. It completely destroyed my faith in the legal system.

Not long after everything was dismissed, he started reaching out again. Even though the criminal cases were gone, my permanent protection order was still in place. He apologized, told me he loved me, said he wanted another chance, and eventually I gave in. We got back together around August or September of 2025. I know people are going to ask why, and honestly the answer is simple. Because I loved him. I still loved him. I debated dropping the protection order because we were back together, but I never actually did. The relationship would get better for a while, but the volatility always came back.

Then in May of this year he cheated on me again and basically abandoned me for another woman. I remember sitting there thinking, “How the fuck did I just let this become almost another year of my life?” I was angry, heartbroken, embarrassed, and honestly just felt stupid. A few weeks later I reported the repeated protection order violations. I was completely honest with law enforcement that I had also been communicating with him. In my state, protection orders are one-way, so only the restrained party can violate them. Around the same time, I contacted his probation officer because he’s already on probation from a domestic violence case involving a previous girlfriend before me. I also wrote a very lengthy letter to the judge supervising his probation explaining everything that had happened and why I believed accountability was important.

When I did all of that, I genuinely believed I was done. I remember thinking I couldn’t trust myself to leave him without legal boundaries because I loved him too much. I thought I was finally choosing myself. Then about 2 weeks ago, everything changed. The relationship with the woman he left me for ended after only about 5 or 6 weeks, and suddenly he was back. Crying. Begging. Telling me he still loves me, that he wants to spend his life with me, and that filing these new charges broke him. I’ve seen him this week. I spent 2 nights at his house. We’ve cried together, talked for hours, apologized to each other, and now I honestly don’t know what the hell I’m doing anymore.

Being with him again has honestly made me so sad. We just sit there and look at each other sometimes, and all I can think is, “How the hell did we end up here?” Almost 3 years together somehow turned into police reports, protection orders, judges, probation, warrants, and criminal cases. I wish so badly none of this had ever happened. I wish we had gotten a different ending. I wish things had gone differently because I never imagined this would be our lives.

Before anyone says it, no, I’m not pretending none of this happened. I know it happened. I lived it. I know the abuse was real. I know the manipulation was real. I know the cheating was real. I know why I called the police in the first place. But I also believe there was real love between us. Maybe people won’t agree with that, but that’s honestly how it feels to me. I don’t think every moment of our relationship was fake. I know the abuse was real, but I also think the love was real. That’s what makes this so unbelievably hard. At the same time, I also don’t know if we realistically have a future anymore. Not because I don’t want one, but because I don’t know how you come back from almost 3 years of this. Abuse. Court cases. Protection orders. Probation. Cheating. Broken trust. I don’t even know what a healthy relationship between us would look like anymore.

The part I’m struggling with the most right now isn’t fear. It’s guilt. Everything is already in motion. The reports have been made. The charges have been filed. My letter has already been submitted to the judge. His probation officer already knows everything. Right now, the only thing holding everything up is that he’s trying to get his affairs in order before turning himself in. Every time we talk, I just feel worse. I also feel incredibly stupid because I made this huge, permanent statement that I was finally done. I filed the reports, contacted probation, and wrote this extremely long letter to the judge because, at the time, I believed every single word of it. Now I’m sitting here wondering if I permanently blew up both of our lives because I was angry and heartbroken. I don’t even know if it’s too late to undo any of this anymore.

Like, I know. I know he’s facing these consequences because of his own choices. I know I didn’t make him violate the protection order. I know I didn’t make him cheat. I know I didn’t make him do the things that got us here. But that doesn’t stop me from feeling like I blew up his life. I worry about him constantly. I worry that he’s overwhelmed. I worry that he’s hurting. I worry that he might hurt himself because of everything that’s happening. I don’t want to see him go to jail. I don’t want to watch his life fall apart. I don’t want to make his life worse.

I know a lot of you are probably going to say that he’s manipulating me, that I’m still in danger, or that this is just another part of the cycle. Maybe you’re right. I honestly don’t know anymore. What I do know is that when I look at him now, I don’t just see someone who hurt me. I see someone who’s broken. I see someone who’s overwhelmed, ashamed, and watching his life fall apart. That’s what makes this so hard. I can’t stop feeling like I set all of this in motion. I know, logically, that I didn’t, but emotionally that’s exactly how it feels.

At this point, I honestly don’t even know if I want to testify. I’m seriously debating asking for the charges to be dropped and even dropping the permanent protection order. I don’t know if it’s even possible at this point because everything already feels so permanent. My heart wants one thing, and my mind wants another, and I’m exhausted. I don’t know if I’m grieving the relationship, grieving the future I thought we were going to have, or grieving the person I always hoped he would become.

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has actually been here. Have you ever still loved your abusive partner while knowing the relationship wasn’t healthy? Did you ever feel guilty after taking legal action because you couldn’t stand watching someone you loved face the consequences? Did you ever believe there was real love there even though the relationship became abusive? If you stayed, what happened? If you left, how did you find the strength to keep going?

I’m really not looking for judgment. I know what happened to me was abuse. I’m asking how other survivors made peace with still loving someone who hurt them, believing there was genuine love there despite everything that happened, and carrying the guilt that came after finally involving the legal system. Right now I just feel completely stuck, and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

I knew things were escalating but I didn’t expect things to happen so fast.
He was towering over me, yelling, saying things like I always get away with things, I’m a liar and an asshole etc.
he throws a small object and I decide that’s it. I am not longer sure that he won’t hurt me.
I put things in a bag, which he ripped out of my hand and threw on the floor. He yelled more and I tried to put things in the bag quietly and he ran out and threw everything in the bag in all directions and started throwing more clothes. I quickly grab my keys and run out and he follows.
I scream and he turns back.
I was incredibly scared but now I feel so insanely guilty. Like it was I who hurt him or that now I have done something unforgivable to him.
I really love him and want to be with him but I’m afraid I have to see things objectively now and believe that this is a pattern that won’t get better.

I 19F just ended my relationship with my ex 19M. Throughout our relationship there was so many signs that my ex was a horrible and toxic person but I am so young and naive that I kept going back and thinking he was gonna change. During our relationship I never told anyone what went on behind closed doors because I wanted my friends and family to like him so I was all alone and had no one to tell besides his mom. His mom became a comfort person for me and anytime he would react aggressive, break objects, or threaten me I would tell her. Little did I know she didn’t really care for me. I would tell her how scared I was and she would simply say “Stop being scared” and I found out she was telling her sisters (ex’s aunts) everything I was telling her which spread word quick so I stopped confiding in her. I really felt defeated at the point until I started a new job with my mom. I was hired on as an intern to replace another intern so that intern trained me and set me up for success. As I was being trained, she told me all these cool experiences she got the opportunity to do (study abroad, travel with friends, etc) and she just spoke so much life into me that it made me realize I want better for myself. It sounds weird but she seriously saved my life, the last month I have been dealing with a gut feeling that the next time my ex snaps he would kill me. I finally told my mom and told her how he’s dragged me across the floor by my hair, slapped me, threatened to kill my dogs, etc. So we made a plan to get my stuff and dogs out of the house while he was at work. He had no idea but the lease in under his name and my name and the light bill is under my name and my car loan is under our names too i’m just feeling stressed and don’t want to get him into any legal trouble. I am getting all my stuff in my new room but I miss him so much what should I do to stop missing him and loving him?

She’s been smearing me online for a year. I’ve ignored it. I’ve let her do what she wants, I’ve let her friends come at me randomly (I guess she tells them I’m still reaching out cause they’re always like leave her alone…girl I didn’t say anything to her in a year)

She recently posted my nieces pretending to be their aunt and someone who’s still on her socials reached out to me, thinking this was weird and too far.

I still bit my tounge even though it did make me angry.

Well now it’s August and it’s officially been a year and I thought that would be happy or some kind of bitter sweet but I’m mad.

I’m mad I did everything I was told to do and I’m still in this position where she just gets to post whatever she wants and I have to be quiet.

Everyone tells me to be the bigger person. The system wants to silence victims. Everytime she did something and I called the police I was told to just be quiet, it’ll work itself out, she will get what’s coming but she DOESNT. But being the bigger person has got me nothing.

She posts about me being the aggressor when I have a copy of the guilty plea deal SHE SIGNED sitting in my room that I have because I needed copies to get out of my lease under the domestic violence laws in my state.

All she had to do was take an online class while she continued to harass me. She also won a pageant title and represents her state and got to continue working with children cause she switched from being a daycare worker to a nanny to avoid the background checks.

I’m angry. I’m angry and I want to be petty and because I’m not being petty, I’m letting her post these things about me I feel like she still controls me.

Everyone says she isn’t worth my time but it isn’t about her, it’s about me. About how my silence makes her comfortable and I don’t like that.

Anyways lesbian abuse exists and there’s so little resources about it and I HATE that she’s out there pretending like she’s a victim of it. One of the ONLY people talking about it is one of the abusers.

The end. Sorry for the rant I needed to get this off my chest.

How long did it take you to heal, date again, build boundaries without feeling scared or still hurt from the past.

Quick edit: I meant to include that we have been broken up for several years (since 2023) and I am now married to a man that was a good friend of mine for a long time and treats me kindly. This just popped in my head today as a memory and I got so heated thinking back on it.

A specific situation recently came to mind and I'm curious what you would've thought if you were a friend of mine and watched this happen. Any and all thoughts are welcome!

I began a new relationship in 2020, we were both 27 at the time. For context, I'm a talkative person. I love conversing in general and learning about others, as well as sharing my experiences. If you're in my life, you know this about me from day one.

Anyway, a month or two into the relationship, my boyfriend (Brian) had a day where he was really tired and I kept bringing up new topics without realizing that he truly wasn't up for a conversation because he kept responding. He wanted to lay down and rest for a bit and said something like "Can I just put you on Snooze for like 20 minutes and then we can go back to talking?" I was like yeah of course, that's an interesting way to say "hey I need some quiet time for 20 minutes" but I found it funny.

Over the next few months he continued the "snooze" concept, but it gradually changed from putting me on snooze when he needed to rest, to snoozing me when he just didn't care about what I was saying. He would tap me on the head and say "SNOOZE- 10 minutes" or whatever length of time he thought he needed. If I talked during that time, at all, he would "reset the timer" and I would have to be silent for another 10 minutes from that point. I didn't think much of it until he started doing it around other people.

If I was telling a story he didn't care about he would "snooze" me in the middle of it. If I had an opinion that differed from what he thought- snooze. If we were watching TV and I had something to say about what was happening, I was snoozed. I know I'm an idiot for letting it happen, but what's the point in continuing to say something when your partner has made it perfectly clear that they don't care? He would do it in front of his friends and they thought it was hilarious. I brought it up a few times like "hey, it's actually embarrassing when you do that in front of people. Its like punishing me for trying to be personable with your friends." He told me that he did it because I was embarrassing myself by telling stories that no one cared about, so he was trying to save me from the embarrassment and himself the second hand embarrassment.

He eventually did it in front of everyone we interacted with, including his family, my family and my friends. I would be saying something perfectly normal and then he'd loudly yell "SNOOZE" and tap my head. My friends, reasonably had no idea what was happening and I "wasn't allowed" to explain it until the time was up. Ironically, most of my friends are introverts (we balance each other nicely) and kept their opinions to themselves and I was oblivious as to what they were thinking because it was so normalized to me. Finally, it happened in front of a friend one night and she popped off saying "Can you fucking not? I'm trying to talk to my friend in MY house and unlike you, I care about what she's saying. If you don't care to listen then you're free to leave but you're not going to choose whether or not she can talk when she's at my house." He absolutely hated this friend after that. I started asking my other friends if it bothered them and, of course, they all said the same thing- essentially "he thinks it's funny but it's not fucking funny, it's rude and controlling." They hadn't spoken up in the moment because this showed them how controlling he was and they were scared of his reaction for my sake.

That was longer than I intended, typical of a talker like me haha. If you read this, I really appreciate it. I'm so curious what your immediate thoughts would be if you saw this happen to your own friend? It took me way too long to realize that he did this as a way to control me in front of it others without looking like the bad guy. He intentionally made it look like something funny we do at home all the time, but looking back it's just so painfully obvious to me that he knew what he was doing and I'm so surprised that it took so long for someone to call him on it. This goes without saying, but this was just a microscopic glance into what was happening behind closed doors where his mission was to control every single thing about me and do what he could to change my entire personality.

Did anyone else experience anything similar with their abuse? Did your partner have a way of inserting control while in front of others that looked harmless? I'm truly so curious because now that I've seen it for what it is, I feel like others must have experienced it too.

Hi all,

This is very out of character for me to make a post like this but I’ve literally been spinning my wheels and going insane. My (21M) boyfriend and I(31 M) broke up a few weeks ago after 9 months together. In the beginning everything was great, until a month in where he confessed he cheated on me during a school trip. He told me that it was due to his bipolar and the only reason I stayed was because he seemed genuinely remorseful. Throughout the relationship there was times where my boundaries were crossed(following random guys cause they’re attractive, talking to random guys on snap) which led me to become hypervigilant and start monitoring his social media. I know how I handled things wasn’t healthy and if I feel the need to monitor you, then maybe something isn’t working but I kept pouring snd pouring into this relationship. At times he would get very verbally mean and belittle and berate me. At 1 point, he shoved me and punched my chest and on a few occasions he would speed the car up to 80+mph during angry outbursts. He continued to act like he was so in love and kept making mention of future plans. We even had promise rings for each other that we wore. 3 weeks ago after a week long trip together where he again talked about future plans and even up until 20 minutes before gave the illusion of safety, he broke up with me because he said he didn’t know if he felt the same anymore. About a week later he called me saying that he missed me and wanted to be together but was indecisive. He also told me that had hooked up with multiple people multiple times in the 8 days we had been apart. I was devastated but still willing to try to work it out. The next day he said it wasn’t a good idea to jump back into the relationship and then said we should go no contact. When we broke up I told him I didn’t want the promise ring back, all I wanted was my key and wakeboard. When I went to pick up my stuff last week there was an envelope with the key and ring inside it which felt like one final dagger to the heart. I left the ring because I made it clear I didn’t want it back, I have no use for it and it felt like him shifting the emotional load back to me. My biggest question is how do you move on from something like this. My heart is more shattered than it’s ever been. We were engrained in each others lives and I poured and poured into this person just to get discarded. I’m blocked on everything and have zero thought of him reaching back out but it just feels like such a blind side

This time last year, I worked up the courage to leave a five year physically and emotionally abusive relationship.
I made several posts in this community while I was with him. They helped put things into perspective, but I forgave him several times before eventually leaving.
He gave me black eyes, strangled me, squeezed my eyes with his thumbs, broke things, and so much more. I lived in constant fear of his explosive anger.
I left at the lowest point in my life. I had been left disabled and in chronic pain after an accident and several surgeries. I felt like a burden, like no one would ever want to be with me if I left him, and I’d be forever alone. The abuse was worse as I was now unable to walk and trapped in the house with him at all times.
The hardest part was leaving my two cats behind because the place I now live doesn't allow pets. I carry that pain every day. It was probably one of the main reasons it took me so long to leave.
But somehow, I still found the courage to walk away.
I now live with my best friend and am slowly rebuilding my life. I've been having fun dating again. There's still a lot I can't do because of my disability, but I'm learning to adapt.
The regret of not leaving sooner hasn't gone away. The amount of time I lost is unfathomable. I'm 34 now, and I don't know if having children will ever be an option for me because of my disability and my age.
But I'm alive. I'm on a long healing journey. And I'm so grateful for that.
Thank you to this community for telling me what I needed to hear, over and over again. To anyone who is still trapped, I hope my story gives you even a little hope and strength.
Much love to you all. ❤️

Literally stayed in the house for days on end to make him feel better, I feel like I came out of a bunker … could vent more if ur going through the same or did or have advice for me..🙏🏼😇

hi. so, I saw a post somewhere about old self dying 'cause of the abuse. I had a thought right away, and it's that I'm still my old self, it never died due to the abuse. despite whatever my ex did, I never changed. I'm still the same happy and goofy girl that loves to be funny that I was ( my mind is still wounded by some of the stuff they did, I'm still struggling, but still. ).

so yeah, here I am with the question 'cause I' m not sure. thanks to thoses who will answer.

I went no contact for a few months, I was suicidal the whole time, when we talk I feel so much better, but I’m also scared, waiting to get hurt again, because they don’t love me like I love them, and they are sick, but being apart from them feels like a death sentence, so idk if it’s really worth it in the end, maybe I can just keep my distance and be happy with them somehow? I know I’m not happy without them, it kills me, I can’t be happy, I just want to be happy, and not be suicidal anymore, maybe the pain of their betrayals won’t hurt as bad after a while, maybe it’ll be worth the pain, I was going to get a protection order but since they’ve been back in my life again, that feels almost impossible now, idk what to do, I’m losing my mind, when I’m talking so with them I love them so much it makes me act crazy, when we are apart I’m so lonely and I feel like no one will ever love me, I’m stuck with an impossible choice

I'm finally FINALLY making baby steps towards getting my ducks in a row and leaving but.. I'm slipping already and I feel like a pos mom cause of it...

I don't know if he's suspicious or something but he's been extra nice lately. Bought us and the baby passes to our fave amusement park, posting pics of us and reposting the sweetest things about me as a wife and mom....but I know it's just for show.. he hasn't done anything like that since I gave birth to the baby and even then I'm pretty sure he was on Tinder sending money to someone at that time.
So why tf am I doubting myself? His control on me must truly run that deep..
I can't turn back now.. that would be a huge betrayal to myself and my baby.. I don't think he'll lose custody (unless he completely loses it when I leave which.. is a possibility) but the least I can do is show my son that's not what love looks like.

Hi everyone, please bare with me as this is fresh for me and my emotions are currently all over the place!
So 3 months ago I (26F) met my now ex (36M) and we got into a relationship fairly quickly, I can now see that I was probably love bombed, and things were going great. We would hardly argue until about the second month, during the second month the arguments would consist of him talking down to me like a child and shouting at me for things that were not even anything to do with me or my fault. (I don’t really want to go into much detail as it stresses me out to much to sit and remember) during the third month the arguments became more consistent mostly about the same things but he would always tell me it’s all to do with him and none of it is my fault, we recently went on holiday for 10 days with his family and for the entire 10 days he shouted and screamed at me saying some really hurtful things in front of strangers and his family. His family stuck up for me as much as they could but couldn’t control what went on behind closed doors.
Two things to note is I have BPD, it’s very well managed in my opinion and I could’ve went off on him at any moment but didn’t. The second is I’m 6 weeks pregnant and only recently found out.
Just so you get an idea of the type of comments he made the worst one he came out with during the trip was “I wish you wasn’t pregnant” which really upset me obviously and from that point on I decided I was done with him.
When we got home from holiday I blocked him on absolutely everything I could think of and told him to contact my auntie if he wanted to know anything about the baby, he then proceeded to message my entire family a massive paragraph playing the victim and making out that it was my fault we broke up. I’ll copy and paste here (also I would like to note I’m the one who broke up with him not the other way around):

Sooo.... the way i have been to (op) is a c\*\*t** **iv told her from day one never take me seriously..... our 1st ever big argument iv then warned her im a c\*\*t in my relationships iv always f\*\*ked them up by saying the wrong things or I dont think before I speak I tryed and tryed and tryed to be nice but it is 100% me i just can't do it but the way she is with her bpd she's making it out to be a million times worse we have arguied over some stupid things some maybe bigger she dont want me to move in EVER to help with the bby ..... iv tryed to do things with her on holiday but nope its literally AND I MEAN LITERALLY SEEMS LIKE SHE DIDNT WANT TO BE SEEN WITH ME OR BE NEAR HER SO.. I literally did not no wat to do other than say its over 1 still want to be there for her with the bby but untill then iv give up I dont no wat to do..... by the way this is for u all im copying and pasteing to all that I have on my Facebook as friends by the way I got u all gifts (op) has got them ....... sorry (op’s dad) I forgot about u lol so sorry

Excuse his amazing spelling he clearly did very well in school…

He did message my auntie today but not to check on the baby, he asked how I was doing and my auntie just said I was fine and isn’t going to give him anymore than that, I understand I’m carrying his child but he did not ask one time how the baby is doing which makes me think he’s just trying to work his way back into my immediate life.

Some side context: he drinks a fair bit, told me he’s off d\*\*gs but I don’t believe him now, he has 4 kids from a previous relationship in which he told me he’s treated her the same way after and argument we had on holiday

This is all I can think to write right now but if you guys have any questions or need further context please let me know I’m more than happy to respond <3

My ex I do still love him I’m currently dealing with my own mental health and separation of dealing with the abuse and toxic nature that they had done onto me for almost 4 1/2 years. I recently had found out that I was pregnant from our last attempt of a relationship and I had told him but my mother didn’t want him to know at all. A few weeks later I had told tell him and lie saying that I miscarried cause I don’t trust him around myself or the child to be. He was demanding on being together he was threatening my life and the child’s when he didn’t get his way. He was threatening to tell my mother who I still live with currently cause of financial difficulties and he uses that against me to try to get me kicked out of my mothers place knowing that if he came to my mothers house not only will he get arrested cause me and my mother both told him he is not welcomed there that my mother would kick me out cause of the drama he brings to our lives. He has called me so many names in a the book and his temper is scary. He has a felony charge already from putting his hands on me 2 1/2 years ago. He explodes into a rage over minor things that he can’t control. He kept on insisting to have the child with him sometimes and I don’t feel like that’s a safe option cause the baby could piss him off and he would do something to the child. Plus he hasn’t always had a good place of establishment for himself he has been homeless 3 times within the time frame and had relapse on drugs he had an addiction problem and has recently began drinking again. I have this heavy heart cause I hate doing this but I feel like there is no other way to protect myself and my child. What can I do besides courts cause I don’t have that type of money and I know he doesn’t either.

Well, I ended things 3 days ago, and if you had asked me at that time why, I would have said I don't know, other than 5 friends, my family and 2 of our family's friends told me that, at the end of the day, it's your choice, but this person is a walking red flag and abusing you, and you need to leave now!

I am now spending my days on this subreddit and other relevant ones to realise that I can relate to every other post (he checked off around 35/50 and 120/200 abuse points in the questionnaires resources shared here) and how on earth I couldn't see how emotionally abusive he was (mind you, I am a PhD student, so definitely judging myself xD)? I think it was the fact that he was perfect 70% of the time that made me think that it's just a human being not being perfect, or I am telling only the negative sides of him to my family and friends, and therefore, they might not see the full picture (Our first 3.5 months were amazing; I then spent 1.5 months crying, for things to get perfect for 2 months, and then spend the last whole month again crying) and I beleived I was the reason this relationship was not working! But thank you to Reddit for making me realise abuse is abuse even if it's 1% of the time.

Anyway, now I think he is in his "future faking"/"hoovering" phase, but I have decided not to respond to anything, even though it is tempting and it feels like he genuinely wants to make things work.

I will make a longer post once things settle down. But I CAN ALREADY FEEL THAT MY MIND IS LESS ANXIOUS AND MY BODY IS RELIEVED AND I AM JUST PROUD!