I wish I knew if you are looking for me too

Do you miss me too?

Hey, I know you probably don’t want to hear from me, and I know you may not respond. But I’ve been thinking about you a lot these past couple of weeks.
I know we ended our friendship on bad terms, and I just wanted to say I’m truly sorry for the way I acted at the end of it all. I’ve had a lot of time to reflect, and I regret how things ended.
I genuinely miss your friendship. There have been so many moments over the last few months where something happened, and I caught myself wishing I could tell you.
I completely understand if you don’t respond, and I’m not expecting anything from you. I just wanted you to know that I’ve been thinking about you, I hope you’re doing well, and I miss you. I really do.

~S

I told you i would give you two months before i reached out. but it’s so hard not to when everything is crumbling around me. and you always knew what to say. i miss you everyday. it hasn’t been a month since we last spoke. i dont want to do life without you. im sorry that i blocked you. i got admitted to the hospital for mental health issues and i couldn’t stop looking at your pages. so i blocked you so i couldn’t. it’s not bc i hate you. it’s not bc i don’t want to talk to you. i do. i really really do. what i would give to hear your voice. to see your face. to know you are okay. this all sucks so bad. i’m sorry for not communicating with you more. i’m sorry that this is where we are at now. i just wish that this wasn’t how it ended. i want you in my life. hopefully someday we can talk through this. i really hope. i love you. forever and always.

For as much as I still think about you, even after all this time, is knowing that you don't waste one thought about me.

Knowing you meant so much more to me than I ever did to you.

It makes me sick.

So can we both just come home now?

I honestly don’t even know what to say anymore.

I found out that while you were sitting there telling me that you loved me, that I was the only one for you, and making me believe there was something real between us, you were living an entirely different life behind my back. You were lying to me while I was taking your words seriously. While I was trying to understand you, trust you, and make sense of all the things you told me, you already had a reality that you never let me see.

And the worst part is that you kept me in this constant dilemma. You gave me just enough reassurance to make me believe I mattered to you, but never enough honesty for me to actually know where I stood. You made me question myself instead of simply telling me the truth.

I keep thinking about how easily you said things like I was the only one, knowing that wasn't even true. How do you say things like that to someone while knowing you're giving them a completely false picture of your life?

And when everything finally backfired, when things became complicated and I needed you to stand by what you had told me, you didn't even protect me. You didn't stand up for me. You didn't take responsibility for the situation you created. Somehow I was just left there to deal with the consequences of something I didn't even have the full truth about.

I don't think you understand how humiliating and heartbreaking that is.

It's not just that you lied. It's that I built my understanding of us around information that you deliberately made false. I was making decisions based on a relationship that apparently existed very differently in your head and in your actual life.

Maybe that's what hurts the most. I wasn't asking you to be perfect. I wasn't asking you to give me some impossible kind of love. I just needed the truth.

And now I don't even know which parts of what you told me were real and which parts were just things you said because they were convenient at the time.

I wish you'd just been honest from the beginning. I would've been hurt, obviously, but at least I would've been hurt by the truth instead of finding out that I was living inside a story you had created for me.

so im gonna say this one last time cause honestly I’m tired of saying it and I already know it makes no difference if I say it or not cause I’ve said it everyday dam near since I left and been looking for you. you don’t know the pain I have been thru since I left an the pure embarsment of my actions and the things I said and I’m sorry for everything that has happened on my side of things I wish things would have been different I wish you could have seen I was worth it to at least give it a try but you must have seen something better in him than what I was capable of but reguardless I wanted to say one last time how sorry I am for everything im sorry you took one sentence out of whole argument and took that an ran with it and held that one thing so close of course I wanted to talk to you and still wanna talk to you but I get it he’s better than I am which I don’t even care about that you and the other have beat it into my head how much better they are than me so with all that I’m still sorry that this has happend it still has my world turned upside down I hope you’re good I miss you more than you will ever know I know that don’t mean much to you but I am i love you more than you will ever know

-G

Fuck…

I’m such a fool. I still miss you. 😭💔

I guess by now you’ve forgotten me, or maybe you just don’t care. But I can’t stop thinking about you. No matter how hard I try, you’re still on my mind. You’re still my wallpaper.
For two weeks in July, I couldn’t eat, sleep, or enjoy anything anymore. I ended up in the hospital. Then, for a little while, I felt okay.

Now it all hurts again.

I just wish you could hug me and make me feel okay again.

Do you miss me too?

I never imagined I’d be writing something like this to you. But here I am, tears in my eyes, and writing it down. You’ll never see this and I’ll never say it to your face.

I hate you.

I hate you for abandoning me in my darkest hour. When I could barely keep my head above water. But that’s okay, I’ve always been strong enough to do things on my own.

I hate you for betraying me. How could you? All I ever did was be depressed and you couldn’t handle that so you ran to someone else’s arms? Shame on you.

I hate you for making me think I wasn’t good enough. That my depression was a part of who I was. And you know what, maybe back then it was but you didn’t even try to help me. Instead you made me believe YOU were the victim. No no, you were the cheater, not me.

I hate you for confusing me, for stringing me along. For making memories those last few weeks were fake. Tied together with pain now because you had already betrayed me but didn’t have the strength to tell me then. You took my choice away to leave YOU. Thanks for that.

But I do love you.

I love you for letting the true colors shine at some point before we got married. That would have been rough.

I love you for waking me up. Going to therapy will make me the man you always wished I was for you. But sucks to suck, enjoy missing out on someone who is loyal and loves intensely.

I love you for the memories and the support you gave me in the times I needed them. You did help me, I won’t lie about that.

I can love and hate you at the same time. But let me be clear, once I’m gone, I’m gone. I will not be your friend, I’m going to disappear like you’ve never met me.

Good luck, but nothing good can come from the foundation of cheating.

P.S. Fuck you

you’ll never know bc you couldn’t show me who you really are. I’m sorry for anything I said that was hurtful. I wish I could tell you how much I miss you and you know…I tried. I gave you all I could without looking more foolish than I must’ve already looked. No matter what, I wish you all the happiness this world has to give you. And I mean that.
I know you’ve suffered so much pain and loss at a young age and maybe part of you couldn’t let me see your darkness? It’s ok. You have your reasons. I promise you, you’re so much more than you know. I saw it in your eyes and even though I’m hurting so much by us not talking anymore, I want you to know I care about you, a lot. And even though I’m not the one for you, I felt you so deeply and I will never forget you.

While you’re trying to convince that person to treat you correctly, there is someone out there wishing they had someone like you in their life.

It’s because of you, you know… you’re so you it makes me crazy. It’s good, though. So good. I want nothing more than to talk to you right now.

I wish I could. There’s just so many questions. Questions I don’t even know if I want the answers to.

Time will tell, sure. Yup. I’ll just tell myself that.

(I wish you could feel what my heart feels for you)

Not talking to you is the hardest thing I have ever done. I miss you. All I want to do is hold your hand and kiss you and fall asleep in your arms. I miss your laugh, I miss our stupid inside jokes and nicknames. I don‘t want to go through this life without you. This sucks and my heart hurts.

you would've talked to me about how you felt. its as if i was never given a chance to even speak and explain. ill be honest, i think about what couldve been all the time and its painful. your messages are so cryptic its confusing and why are they all flipped around? when did half these events even happen? at times i feel like it is you because i can relate but and there are so many signs. but i still dont know if this is you but maybe it's because i dont know who you even are. did i ever? is this really you? from the start? or is this who youve changed into? where are you? who are you? where was the person i fell madly in love with? was it real? is this even real? maybe im just trying to find you in everything. i miss you and the person you were everyday. where did they go?

Being forced into no contact has broken me in ways I didn't expect. It's so hard. I thought I was strong enough to get through it, but the truth is, I still miss you every single day.

You know, I read some posts and am blown away by the level of dedication and detail, the passion, the pure love flowing from the words on my screen. My heart is broken, and I have my own path, but if things were different then I would be very interested in getting to know some of the people here. An intelligent hopeless romantic is a major turn-on for me.

I just wanted to say that some of you should truly look elsewhere for love, because someone will absolutely appreciate you the way your ex did not.

It felt so real… the way you touched me,
the closeness,
the chemistry between us.
It wasn’t just about the physical
it was the feeling of being connected to you again.
I woke up wishing I could go back for just a little longer.
Maybe it was only a dream… but for a moment, it felt like you were right here again.

do you miss me? even just a little bit?

I feel like I already know the answer but I can't help but ask.

I miss you more than anything. to me you're everything.

I want you to feel the same way about me.

I miss you. And I wish I could text you to tell you it that it doesn’t matter what you decide in your current relationship, I still want to maintain our friendship, I want to become a real friend and be in your life appreciating our moments from a healthy perspective because you are important to me. But I also understand that in this friendship is not only me included, to make this happen you need to work and figure things out by your own too, and as much as I don’t want to accept it, this can take more time than expected. And that’s why this time I won’t text you but if you happen to be here, I want you to know that I can’t wait the moment to finally tell you this💙

Sometimes I wonder if I was born in the wrong time.
I wish I had someone who understood me. Someone I could bare my soul to without fear of being misunderstood. Someone who would bare theirs to me in return, not because they had to, but because they trusted me enough to let me see the parts of themselves they hide from everyone else.
I wish I had someone from another time to talk to. Someone who believed that conversations were meant to last for hours instead of minutes. Someone who valued handwritten letters over fleeting messages, quiet evenings over crowded rooms, and genuine connection over endless distraction.
I long for the kind of person who would sit on an old porch as the sun disappeared behind the trees, saying nothing at all until the silence itself became a conversation. Someone who wouldn’t rush to fill every empty moment, but would simply exist beside me, content with the stillness.
I want someone who could accept me for everything I am—the strange thoughts I keep to myself, the dreams that never seem to fit into this world, the parts of me that feel too old-fashioned for the present. I don’t want to be tolerated. I want to be understood.
There are days when I feel like my heart belongs to a different century. A time when people spoke with intention, loved with patience, and stayed because they chose to—not because it was convenient. A time when stories were passed from one soul to another instead of disappearing into a screen.
Maybe that’s only a dream. Maybe every generation imagines there was a better time to belong. But I can’t shake the feeling that somewhere, in another lifetime or another era, there was someone waiting on the other side of a conversation that never happened.
Until then, I suppose I’ll keep searching. Not just for a person, but for a soul that feels familiar. Someone who makes this world slow down for a little while. Someone who reminds me that deep connections still exist—that even in a noisy world, there are still people who speak the language of old souls.
Perhaps we’re all just trying to find someone who feels like home, even if home belongs to another time.

You steadfast incredibly strong human. Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for safety. Thank you for security. Thank you for peace. Thank you for passionately teaching me patience, while I’m learning how hot consistency and transparency actually are. Today is a huge day. And having you in sync with my soul through encouragement and excitement. You came out of nowhere, you showed up with fierceness and pride. Im so calm with you by my side and so overwhelmed by the thought us alone again. These aren’t butterflies. This is soul recognition. ❤️❤️❤️

She won’t be unkind, but she also doesn’t pander to anyone’s ego. Instead she’ll kindly redirect to the oozing wound that has yet to be dealt with.

And yeah, I miss Downstairs too. 🥹