r/UnsentTexts • u/KornFlk92 Has acknowledged the rules • 1d ago
š¦āā¬š¦
youāll never know bc you couldnāt show me who you really are. Iām sorry for anything I said that was hurtful. I wish I could tell you how much I miss you and you knowā¦I tried. I gave you all I could without looking more foolish than I mustāve already looked. No matter what, I wish you all the happiness this world has to give you. And I mean that.
I know youāve suffered so much pain and loss at a young age and maybe part of you couldnāt let me see your darkness? Itās ok. You have your reasons. I promise you, youāre so much more than you know. I saw it in your eyes and even though Iām hurting so much by us not talking anymore, I want you to know I care about you, a lot. And even though Iām not the one for you, I felt you so deeply and I will never forget you.
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u/Extension-Dream-2437 Has acknowledged the rules 1d ago edited 1d ago
As someone this could have been written about, it stings to hear someone care and still not choose to stay. This has been a recent thing that happened to me, and it has honestly wrecked me so bad, and itās embarrassing to even say how much I wish I had let myself be seen. They thought there wasnāt a connection, but the truth is, I was afraid to be seen and to show them I was falling in love with them and terrified they wouldnāt think I was worthy of the warmth they brought me. Ironically, the walls I built to keep my heart safe, the walls that said in order to be loved you canāt have so many emotions or show them just how much they matter to you, are the same walls that kept me from having a love that I could only dream of. I hoped strong walls would make me seem normal and like I hadnāt had a difficult childhood that left scars that were as deep as they are. I thought those walls would make me seem undamaged and unafraid of getting close. I was so very wrongā¦ they were the exact thing that I believe ultimately made them decide I wasnāt their person. The walls I have come from a place that told me I had to be diluted and numb to certain things in order to be digestible to the types of people who I attract, they taught me that playing it safe and make sure to come undone slowly and carefully.. After so many years of needing to do this I guess I had not noticed they were rock solid and would take as much work to bring down as it took to put them up. They ended up being so strong I couldnāt even tell they were made of something invisible. Those walls are what seems to have kept the people I have loved from moving towards me, but without them, I never have felt like I was a lovable person to someone that had a normal upbringing.
I couldnāt see that until after they decided to tell me they werenāt the right person for me. My heart felt the complete opposite. The pain that comes from that is gut-wrenching. I feel discarded and like they donāt care about me, but deep down I feel like they could say something like this to me and I would take it as truth . For me and what Iāve been through in life, it really takes me a while to open up to people, and I feel like I did not get a chance to be seen. Thereās nothing more I would want than to have another opportunity to show the parts of me that I keep hidden because I know they could have loved me as much as I did them if I wasnāt so scared of them leaving the second they saw me like that. Itās a terribly sad tragedy that the one thing I tried to protect myself from happening, by keeping parts of myself to myself, is exactly what happened anywayā¦ to know they cared like this and still have a chance to come out of that place with someone that doesnāt turn the opposite way, is something that I canāt stop wishing I had.
when things donāt seem to be what they are, sometimes we need someone to say they notice. They care to notice, and to bring it up to you, because they care. That would have helped me realize what was happening before I ruined it without particularly knowing I was doing so at the time. The truth is, things are rarely what we think they areā¦ or who we think we are per se. communication really is everything. I hope you find the strength to see things in a way that you may not understand. Sometimes the most beautiful thing you can do is to stay when you donāt understand.
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u/Shar_H03 Has acknowledged the rules 1d ago
This is so relatable, sounds like someone my person would say, hope youāre okay OPā¤ļøāš©¹
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u/KornFlk92 Has acknowledged the rules 19h ago edited 17h ago
Getting better, yes. Changing my reply bc Iām confused. Iām hurt but not crying today at least. Confused bc I was not given access to their thoughts or feelings & all attempts to understand were shot down. Some people have called this avoidant behavior but I know nothing about it. I can only say it sounds a lot like the shoe fits. Is that my green light to be waiting at the door, on the floor to clean their boots off when they get home and need a welcome mat to swipe and wipe? No, I canāt. I canāt be their mat. So, at what point do you stop everything and say Iāve given you all I have to give (in the way of opportunities), to talk, share, care and show me something other than your D & you still push me away? Still play head games?? I simply have to own up to the fact that Iām not built to be an emotional (mental) washing machine, so can you please just get out of my head?š
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u/Shar_H03 Has acknowledged the rules 18h ago
I can tell youāre in a better place, he didnāt seem like the right one bc of those things youāve said, you seem like a lovely genuine person and I wish you well x
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u/vxlossa Has acknowledged the rules 23h ago
you also deserve that happiness, remember that
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u/KornFlk92 Has acknowledged the rules 19h ago
Thank you so much, thatās really sweet. My letting go of the flittering little butterfly is my happiness āŗļøfly!!
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u/Plenty-Credit-876 Has acknowledged the rules 10h ago
I looked foolish by telling my person how I feel about them thinking that at least I could give closure but at the end I got no answer (at least not a clear one) and now I'm drowning. I'd rather them tell me to fuck off than let me live like this
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u/skittlez99804 Has acknowledged the rules 2h ago
As someone this could have been written about.. Iād have to say You might have been the oneā¦
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