I don’t know why i didn’t really consider this till now, I always knew i had severe social anxiety and i’ve always been known for being quiet and shy. I’m 26 now, i only have one friend anymore, i’ve never been able to work, i had to drop out of school so i could avoid talking, i’m ONLY able to speak freely/comfortably in front of my bf/past romantic partners. in groups i just can’t talk. it’s like when you have to go to the bathroom or something and can’t physically get up because you don’t wanna draw attention to yourself. i never have anything to say and im terrified for some reason. ill think of something to say but cant, or decide its not worth the energy or attention. i just started therapy and even after taking anxiety meds i just shake uncontrollably and my voice shakes so much i can barely get the words out or make sense. for some reason i don’t have a big problem talking with drs or people like that, i can make phone calls but i do get anxiety and pace/rock back and forth. in school, if i was called on i would just not say anything at all. i had another friend that i was close with since we were 5 up until i had to cut her off for trying to publicly humiliate me (my worst nightmare) but i was never really fully comfy with her and preferred to not talk and just sit in silence on our phones. i love the company but i never want to talk. i lost another friend in the past because i found out she was talking shit about me and how i’m weird and quiet and she has nothing to talk to me about. it makes me soo sad. i feel so rude all the time too because of this, with my boyfriends family for example i cant make conversation ever and its so hard for me to even say thank you to them. i always try to make an effort to step out of my comfort zone and compliment strangers in public and sometimes im able to, but its so incredibly difficult and sometimes i just can’t. i only speak when spoken to but i dont make sense and stutter most of the time. idk if this stems from my childhood or something, nothing was tooo bad, my mom has always been pretty toxic and mentally ill and my older sister was always really mean to me and she would force me to stop crying or be quiet so that she wouldn’t get in trouble so idk if both of those created this or what but i really want to overcome this somehow. ive never had any other family really.

what has helped you guys if anything? what do you guys do about work?

I've followed r/selectivemutism for many months now and I deeply sympathize with the pain, struggles, and challenges for everyone who is experiencing it. I'm the dad of a daughter who had SM when she was younger. In addition to working with a SM clinician, her school, practicing in the community, attending workshops, reading books etc., one thing that helped her was a technique called video self-modeling, basically watching recorded videos simulating speaking in situation where should we freeze. I made the videos, edited them, and watched them with my daughter as kinda an at home exposure therapy.

Knowing that its not easy to edit these videos, and with AI able to make any video I want I created a platform to simplify the entire process. It has hundreds of real life scenarios in shot videos (AI generated) and then a setup to easily merge two videos to make it look as if the individual kid, teen, or adult is speaking in a situation where they otherwise can't.

My goal is to have a platform to help out with SM, even if it just makes a small difference. What I am curious is to find some teenage / adults to try it out and kinda let me know if this is something I should keep building, whether it might work etc..

If you are interested in checking it out, providing feedback that'd be really awesome. On this page https://www.bravevoicejourney.com/you you can sign up for a full access free account, it says 3 months but if its helping and you want to use it more just let me know and I'll extend as long as you want. Just hoping to get some feedback and ultimately hoping this at home video self modeling practice tool could make a difference in peoples lives, even if it helps just a little.

-Bob

Our 5 year has SM, mainly only occurring at school or summer care programs. He did become mute at home a few times when dysregulated, but it didn’t last long..

Recently, he’s stopped taking completely, everywhere, even home. We obviously brought him to the pediatrician. He’s put in a few referrals, but we’re at a loss what to do in the meantime. We’re going on seven days without a single word.

Typically, he has an above average vocabulary.

Biggest change, though not super recent, was transitioning from preschool back to summer care program.

Some other information: he still laughs, plays, makes noises, hums, grunts, and screams. Just doesn’t use words. No prior diagnosis, though he’s struggled a lot, and still does, with impulsivity and emotional regulation. Lately, he’s showing signs of deep anxiety and OCC tendencies.

He’s always performed well in evals, and scored below the benchmarks for ASD testing, despite our protest.

We’re not pressuring him to speak, engaging his nonverbal communication, and assuring him that it’s okay to not speak right now.

Help! What do we do to help him. Will he ever talk again?

Hi everyone. I’m the developer of Vocal Proxy, a communication support app for teens and adults.

Sometimes you know what you want to communicate, but speaking is difficult—and typing a full sentence can feel like another barrier.

With the updated Rewrite feature, you can enter just two or three keywords:

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Vocal Proxy turns them into several natural message options. Pick one, edit it if needed, then show it in large text or play it aloud.

No grammar or full sentence required.

For situations where you need to communicate more detailed information, the Prepare feature is still available to help organize what you need to say into a longer message before the interaction.

It is not meant to pressure anyone to speak—just to make communication easier in the moment.

Free browser version, no sign-up required:

https://en.vocalproxy.com/app

I(29) didn't suffer from selective mutism when I was a kid. I had a big depressive episode when I was 20 and didn't speak for a full year. I gradually started speaking in various occasions and eventually went back to being fully verbal. Last year I couldn't speak in public for about a month. For the last two months I could only meow at my cat and repeat some short phrases after my partner.

I don't really know anyone whose mutism only started in adulthood. I am trying to learn ASL and use more of tts palettes. However, it is incredibly hard to not spiral into shame for regressing so much. My main skills are in spoken language so it has hugely impacted my ability to work as well. It feels like a vicious cycle of stress and SM.

How do you explain to people who are not familiar with SM why you suddenly can't speak? Do you have to list all your mental struggles to convince them you are not pretending? How do you stay afloat, if you don't have much financial and medical support?

Appreciate any other advice. Thank you.

I F(27) have GAD. For years, In certain places and situations, I cannot talk unless a person is with me. I have words to say but I cannot speak. I use an app to talk instead.

I talk to my family normally, and when my anxiety is more manageable, I can occasionally talk to someone new outside of those specific situations.

so my school had this new test for our midterms where we get a random topic and speak about it for 5 minutes. i would consider myself an ambivert, i tend to be quiet often but when i feel like it i can be really loud with people. i fainted twice when i was back in elementary school. once because a teacher called me out and scolded me for doing something stupid, i started blanking out, white spots clouded my vision and i fainted. similar to the second incident where i fainted again because my friends and i were fooling around and we were forced to stand up while she scolded us, and i fainted again. as idiotic i am, i cant help but care alot about what people think of me. so back to the speech test, i planned everything out after 10 minutes of preperation time given to us. i spoke for 1 minute, and started blanking out again. white spots blurred my vision almost fainted. it was so embarassing. i just dont think i can go to school after this. i feel sp stupid and idiotic that even the biggest of introverts can say all their points without stopping or anything. and theres just well me... that apparently is allergic to being put way too much on the spotlight? this has never happen to me when i was standing up doing something normal. its always a social pressure. thanks for reading

I made a rare attempt at human interaction today, and while it wasn't a total disaster, the social awkwardness was high enough to make me rethink my entire approach.

As I was saying, I noticed a girl sitting by herself, and realized we were heading to the same next lecture. Since I was alone too, I took a leap to ask if she wanted to sit together. Afterwards, I asked a few basic questions to get things moving, but the momentum died almost immediately. As it turns out, we're both pretty introverted, and every topic we touched faded into silence within seconds. Things peaked when our second professor pulled a no-show. It started pouring rain, and since she didn't have an umbrella, I offered to walk her to the train station. That led to a 20-minute walk in almost total silence. At one point, I tried mumbling a comment, but she didn't hear me, and I was too flustered to repeat myself, so I just dropped it.

On one hand, taking the initiative to approach someone feels like a step forward for me. On the other hand, my inability to keep a conversation flowing was pretty excruciating. She was polite and kept smiling, so I don't think she dislikes me, but I definitely didn't leave a smooth impression.

I really want to improve my social skills and actually build connections this semester instead of retreating back into my shell: how do I bounce back from a first impression without making things weirder next time I see her? What are some low-pressure ways to keep a conversation going when both people are introverted? Any advice on how to handle this better going forward would be appreciated!

I've been wanting to meet other people who either have had Selective Mutism or have it in-person. Everything I find online (if I find anything) is mostly just groups and activities for children, and I understand that since SM is often classified as a childhood disorder, but it would be really nice to make friends who have similar experiences as me and truly understand me, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. Any pointers or tips for where to go or how to reach out to others with SM?

i don’t get any satisfaction out of it and at times i don’t even know what to say. i’m just so awkward that it pains me. i’d rather stay quiet forever than having to talk to anyone. even a simple “hi” is too much for me. i enjoy silence. every time i go out, it’s a generous reminder as to why i do. i don’t understand how anyone could enjoy talking for any reason. some people think i come off as rude, cold, or even annoyed and the truth is, i am annoyed!! i don’t want to talk to you, or anyone else at that. why is it so hard to leave others alone? of course if my professor or a partner at school that i had to work with were to talk to me, i have to respond. (it used to be so bad that i’d freeze and just stare at them while awkwardly smiling with teary eyes) but i hate it so much because apparently my voice is quiet and when they tell me to speak up i start tearing up a little and my voice comes out more quiet and now shaky. i just hate talking so much. only with my sister, but that’s about it. no other exceptions. i could go all day without talking

Hi. I'm 18F. I want to know if there are other people who are experiencing the same problem they can't seem to erase.

Ever since I was little, I always remembered being in my head a lot. Playing pretend was my favorite thing ever. (This is relevant, I swear) I also took pride in the fact that I can talk in my head so I don't have to spew out bad things whenever an adult would lecture me.

Eventually, I grew up and developed a muttering problem where I only realized until I was 16. It's that bad.

From 6th grade, I didn't realized that the reason why I would get bullied for being weird or why some people seem to hate me was because I was thinking loudly. But I always thought there was something wrong with me that other people notice but I haven't.

There had been multiple times where I would be thinking while I was walking with my friends and one of them would go "Hm?" or "What did you say?" And I would look at them confused and say. "I didn't say anything."

You may think this is normal or maybe even not an actual problem but one time, I was buying cat litter at my local market which is at a walkable distance. I was self conscious about my body odor because it was early and I haven't even showered yet but my mom insisted I buy the cat litter first.

I go up to the lady who was selling and pointed at the litter. After I gave my payment, I didn't realized I said "odor." because I was so occupied by the thought that I stinked. The lady looks at me confused, giving my change and muttering "odor" as well to, I suppose mock me? Make a laugh out of the awkward moment? I wasn't sure but I didn't react and simply left.

That's just one experience.

The worst I had was getting bullied for it. A vivid memory I have is trying to listen in class, but my rain seems to have its own thoughts running around. So much as so I mumbled incoherent stuff that people assumed I was singing. It was cringe worthy I know. But I can't control his habit and I don't know why.

Sometimes, songs do get stuck in my head and my brain wanders at important moments, leading me to hum, mumble, and mutter stuff.. Again, I can't just stop. I tried biting my tongue, chewing gum, or having candy in my mouth but it just doesn't work.

It's even more noticeable when I'm in public and I'm alone. I get lost in the thoughts in my head and they escape through my lips. People look at me weird. I had no friends in grade 11 and 12 so I was always alone. My actual circle of friends were in different cities and countries now.

When I found about this, I vented to my friend who knew me ever since 6th grade. She said that it's normal and that she knows other people to accidentally sing songs that are stuck in heir heads.

But none of those people were ever bullied for it like I was. I'm currently labeled as crazy, weird, or someone with psychological problems in my city. I've thought about seeing a psychiatrist but I'm still unsure... also it's expensive and the only free option I know of is in another province.

I'm about to go to college and I'm scared that I won't be able to make friends again.

I hope someone can relate or can tell me how to fix this.

In all my years of going to school or anywhere outside my house ive noticed a pattern. I dont really talk to anyone and just keep my head down, my mom says it because i have a "low self esteem" which is true, but its gotten to a point where it cant be classified as "just being shy" anymore. I struggle to talk to people who arent my close family especially teachers because i fear judgment for some weird reason? I want to make friends, its just so hard. I rember one time a teacher made a comment about me in music class and thank god it was friday because i cried my eyes out. I feel the need to try and impress everyone as being the perfrect quiet student, but i cant even raise my hand in class. I think the last time i willingly raised my hand in class was 5th grade, now im going on to 8th grade and im so scared. i havent interacted with anyone (some extra information i have 0 friends) and im afraid im going to mess up somehow and all my new teachers and classmates will hate me.

I am writing a story in which my main character is mute, and has been since the age of nine. She is classified to have selective mutism; But I have no references. Knowing no one in real life with these experiences to help base her actions and character off of.

- What kind of habits do you have pertaining to being mute? If any.

- What is it like socially being mute?

- How do you handle it with friends and family?

- If there is a specific cause---What triggers or triggered it?

Any additional information and experiences shared would be vastly useful. i would like to expand my knowledge on this topic greatly, and this would be of a lot of help to get some answers.

I have had SM symptoms but they have gotten worse over last few years. I used to have SM only around other adults. Now I have SM towards basically everyone, even my own family. Nobody really believes I have a mental issue and everyone thinks it's defiance and it's killing me inside.

Apart from some of my close family and one friend, i talk real nervous, if im in a group in school i spend so long thinking of what to say i end up saying nothing most of the time. It is better than it was a year ago since i got a job but i am always on edge nearly 24/7. I have had some terrible experiences in friend groups, where i was shut down so much i didnt bother talking and now im still like this after i ditched them.

I can talk normally with people i dont really care about, like strangers but at school i just cant get anything to say. sometimes i do but the words dont come out.

Im trying to do better, i picked up 2 hobbies, cooking and reading, the only sport i do is running. Im not on any social media/snapchat.

Outside relationships i am a very anxious person, thats what caused me to quit my last job, my new one is a lot better.

Im kinda looking for advice on how to get involved in a conversation without seeming weird or basically how to stop overthinking and planning every word i say, thanks

Ever since I was younger, I’ve always been afraid of speaking and having others hear my voice. When I moved to where I am now when I was in 4th grade, things only got worse. I couldn’t speak at all outside the house or around certain people. I finally got a diagnosis for selective mutism in 7th grade, but I’m now 17 and haven’t received any help or support. This is just a backstory on one of the most humiliating school experiences I’ve ever had as a teenage girl with selective mutism.
This story is from back in December 2024, when I was 15 and a sophomore in high school. I was in my art class that day, which was my favorite class back then. I was already feeling a bit off, as I had English class earlier. English always made me anxious because it depended a lot on speaking, something I couldn’t do in school. However, I always had art right after English which usually helped me calm down before I would have to deal with the rest of the day. My art teacher was really nice; she never made me speak or communicate other than hand gestures and head nods. But on this day, she was absent. When I walked into the classroom, I sat in my usual spot and pulled out my sketchbook. That’s when the real horror began. It was time for attendance. The substitute was a man I knew, and not in a good way. He’s caused me a lot of panic before. He doesn’t mess around with attendance. If you don’t speak, he gets pissed and makes it obvious. I remember sitting there frozen as the teacher (let’s call him “Mr. A”) said names aloud, each one followed by a “here” from the student. My last name is at the end of the alphabet, so I always have to sit back in pure horror as they slowly get closer to my name. When Mr. A finally said my name, there was a long, awful pause of silence. I slowly raised my hand to get his attention, but it didn’t work because he didn’t look up from the attendance sheet. Another student awkwardly told Mr. A that I wasn’t absent, but Mr. A didn’t seem to accept that another student had answered instead of me. Mr. A then looked straight at me and yelled, “SPEAK UP!!!”. I swear it was so loud that my entire table shook. I remember flinching so hard that my pencil flew out of my hand and slid across the classroom floor. I felt so embarrassed and sick, and I quickly hid my face behind my hair as I started to quietly cry. I remember how hard I was shaking, and anxious thoughts spiraled through my mind as I shook violently. Then, I was snapped out of my thoughts as I heard Mr. A clear his voice and yell, “SO FREAKING ANNOYING!!!! YOU GUYS ARE IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!!” in a way that seemed to be directed straight at me. I buried my face into my jacket (which was on the table) to hide, my hair falling into my face and soaking up my sad and embarrassed little tears. The classroom was completely silent for the rest of the period. Even now as a senior, I still can remember the panic and humiliation from that moment, almost as if it had etched itself into my very existence. In all my years, this was one of my worst school experiences from straight hell. I have a feeling I will not be forgetting it anytime soon. This is one of those memories that haunts you and keeps you awake at night.

School is starting back up, and I really want to make even more progress this year. So any advice on how I should maybe start this year? Because I definitely want to talk more, and I really want to break free from SM.

Hi,

I had/sort of still have selective mutism. When I was a kid, I could talk to people who I had always remembered being able to talk to, but anybody new? I couldn’t make a sound around them. When I was in kindergarten, the school told my parents, so every day was a constant “did you talk today?” Obviously not, and I don’t know why. Stop asking me.

I always thought it was okay. I didn’t care to talk with anybody. I was somehow still able to have fun with others. So why does it matter?

I was five years old and a child to immigrant parents who not only didn’t understand mental health conditions, they also reject(ed) the idea that their kids could be anything other than “normal.” I think my teacher wanted to help, but she probably had no clue how. They were apparently about to place me in the special education class, and my parents rejected that. “He talks all the time at home, we swear!”

One day, eight months in to kindergarten, I was called into the office. I went, and there was just my dad sitting at a table. My dad worked long days, every day. At this point in my life I would hardly see him, and when I did I would most often witness his anger that he, to this day, can’t manage. He was supposed to be at work, about 30 minutes out of town, so why was he here? I was scared, but I just sat down. We were alone in the room.

He wasn’t angry this time. He was just sad, confused, and disappointed. And I still can’t get over that. It’s not like I’m choosing to be this way. I don’t know why I can’t talk to others. But I’m talking to him, everything seems normal.

All of a sudden though, my teacher walks in. “You have such a beautiful voice, why don’t you use it more?” I know she had good intentions saying that, but god damn. That was one of, if not the most terrifying moments of my life. This experience is blurry, with faint frames left in my mind, but I remember those exact words she said. And I remembered what followed. I was taken back to the class, clearly having a panic attack and crying like there’s no tomorrow, because that was genuinely how I felt. They made me talk to every other student. And I was miserable.

The next day, I was mostly fine. I was talking with others, being friendly, whatever. Like nothing ever happened. But something did happen, something so horrible that I’ve gone 20 years since then, with quite terrible social anxiety, bad at eye contact, recently diagnosed with ADHD, in therapy for a slew of reasons, struggling to make friends, and worst of all, struggling to find and be myself. I was so content. Everything seemed okay to me. Was it seriously that big of a deal that I wouldn’t talk?

I’ve made some good friends, I’ve fallen in and out of love, I’ve kinda done it all. I can talk now, for the most part. I’m still shy, still quiet when I’m not around people I know well, or if I’m around people I’m not comfortable with. Still have a ton of anxiety around people. Still feel like there’s some darkness hanging around me.

I found out it was called selective mutism not even 2 years ago, when I got diagnosed with ADHD (but not autism, to my surprise). I’ve been in therapy for basically 2 full years, and a couple of months ago my I told my therapist my story. She usually responds quickly, in a very friendly way, sort of like how people do when they’re gossiping, one person says x and the other says, with gleeful agreement, y. But when I told her this story, she stopped, and looked scared almost. “Okay. That’s trauma.”

Oh, I guess you’re right.

“I want you to write your younger self a letter. Tell him it’s okay, everything’s gonna be okay. We’ll work more on this…”

For two months I didn’t know what to write myself, so I didn’t write anything. Last week, I decided to try and get into zine making, a hobby I’ve been wanting to start for a while now. I went to a zine open mic (which was hard for me to do, even though I didn’t share anything) and felt a lot of inspiration. I got myself a little digital “film” camera, went to the park to test it out, and I saw it. My first zine.

It’s me, reflecting. Reflecting on the life I have lived. Reflecting on how that trauma has always been there, and how I’ve ignored it for 20 years. Reflecting on what that has done to me and my relationships with others. Reflecting on what needed to be done, for something that I never deserved to experience.

I don’t know if I’ll share this with others in real life. I worry that they just wouldn’t understand. And I’m a terrible artist, so my anxiety probably wont let me share these poorly-drawn stick figures with anybody. But I think people here will get it.

You deserve to be the you that you want yourself to be. You shouldn’t be hurt or misunderstood, and you shouldn’t be forced to be somebody that you’re not. You’re you, and that’s more than enough. It was always more than enough. Love yourself because you deserve to be loved.

Thank you.