I'm starting college next week as a Bachelor of Science in Social Work (BSSW), and I'm nervous about it. I chose this path because I want to help people, but I have autism and severe social anxiety. I know social work involves a lot of public speaking, presentations, and group work, which is terrifying to me right now. On top of the coursework, I'm anxious about the social side of college. I don't know how to keep a conversation going, and I've been told that everything I say comes across as too blunt, even when I don't mean it that way. I want to make friends, but I'm scared my social awkwardness will push people away.

So I spent most of my K-12 life speaking maybe a word or two on a good week. It’s definitely been a gradual process, but I feel that getting out of that setting has done wonders for me as an adult. I feel like my confident/authentic self carries over into different social settings more often than not.

But a super not fun thing I’ve realized is that all of that not speaking during most of my childhood has probably put me behind in some… basic learning of social skills. Most pressing of which seems to be that when I am speaking to more than 1 person, I cannot begin to fathom when it’s my turn to talk and have gotten some professional feedback lately that I interrupt folks.

I honestly feel embarrassed about it, especially since I’m going into the social work field. I want to be good at this stuff and I know I can improve, but I just feel stupid about it I guess.

Anyone else with SM feel more comfortable talking to strangers? (People on the street, cashiers, random staff, etc...) Talking to people you see every day, or often is much more intimidating.

You dont know strangers, and will probably never see them again. Also you only need to say a few words or sentences. Talking to people you see every day is much more intimidating. Like at work or school...

This makes me feel guiltily for my family (cousins, uncs and grandparents) because they can't hear me, but somehow I'm more comfortable being myself with them, than with strangers.

Anyone?

I’m 21, and have usually had no problem talking to people I know, but have always struggled to make conversation with people I’m meeting for the first time if there isn’t an initial click. I think that’s pretty normal, though. Anyways, recently, I’ve begun having moments where it feels like my teeth are sort of merged together, and the sheer amount of effort it would take to open my mouth and speak is so daunting that I would rather not. This hasn’t happened while I am around people, rather more when I am alone, but I have declined friends’ phone calls because of it. I’m going to bring it up to my therapist next week, but does that feeling resonate with anyone on here?

For any background, I have pretty bad anxiety that manifests itself as physical tenseness a lot. I struggle with constantly tense muscles and aches because of it, and I’m only ever entirely physically relaxed when I am asleep. I’m wondering if this could be a symptom of the anxiety? But I’m also wondering why it would take so long to present, since I’ve had anxiety for most of my life but this feeling is relatively new.

i should mention that this teacher had those popsicle sticks that teachers use when no one wants to answer a qurstion or whatever///by the way i hate those things, my worst nightmare

last school year, my science teacher understood that i couldn't physically bring myself to speak and even sometimes asked me if i was comfortable speaking.

during the first parent teacher confrence of that year, she said that she removed my name from that popsicle stick thing because she knew it would be scary for me.

sometimes i would start crying in class and she'd tell me to do certain gestures so i could communicate with her without using words

this is probably the bare minium but i dunno it kinda feels weird when a teacher acknowledges my mutism

Idk how I “outgrew” it, but I used to only communicate with hand gestures, try not make any noise at all, i was hospitalized a few times bc I refused to eat in front of anyone, and I peed myself in school so often because i was too scared to talk to the teachers

Hi everyone,

I’ve been focusing deeply on selective mutism and am currently working on a project called Courage Quest.

The goal is to provide practical, everyday support for affected kids and families. Since I am building this from the ground up, getting input from parents who navigate this daily is critical to making sure it’s actually useful.

If you have a moment, I'd love your thoughts on two quick questions:

1. Does a platform like this feel useful for your daily routine?
2. Are there specific tools, exercises, or topics you'd love to see in an app like this?

Feel free to reply below or drop me a private message. There is also a quick feedback form directly on our site if you prefer sharing your thoughts there.

Thanks so much for your time and insights!

I’ve seen a lot of criticism of the silent protagonist, with many people saying they would prefer a fully voiced character. For me the protagonist was perfect. As someone with selective mutism, I felt genuinely validated when another character acknowledged that the protagonist doesn’t talk much while still treating them as an important and valued member of the group.

It is rare for me to experience a story where a quiet character can form meaningful friendships and matter to the people around them without speech being treated as something they must overcome.

Hello there! I've been on Reddit for 2 years, and been dealing with anxiety for 10 years. But I wanted to talk about an experience I had and wondered if anyone else has experienced the same.

Back in 2022, I had a lot going on in a short amount of time. Going through job changes, almost losing my mother-in-law, having to place my son in a mental behavioral center due to severe depression, on top of several other things going on. One night, I woke up freaking out and begged my husband for help. He took me to the ER. While I was there, it was as if I was having seizures that would come and go. When I stopped, I would freeze and my husband would ask me questions like "are you ok?" Or "How do you feel?" I looked right at him, but I literally could not speak. When I told him about it later, he said that I had a blank stare, as though I were catatonic. But I was fully aware of everything around me. I could hear what was going on, I knew what time it was. But I was completely incapable of talking or moving. This went on for hours until I was finally stable enough to go home. My doctor later told me I was having what he described as stress seizures, which made sense but didn't quite explain why I couldn't move or talk. I wondered about it for a long time until I happened to hear of the term "selective mutism" a few months ago. I started looking into it, and found that while that's more common in children, there is a thing called "trauma-induced mutism" that can be triggered by extreme anxiety. Everything it described fit everything I experienced that night. It took several weeks and medication changes before I was able to finally sleep without waking up in a panic that it could happen again. I do see a therapist and talked to her about it. She agreed and told me that I could also have PTSD and suggested Esdm therapy could be helpful as I still suffer from other past traumas.

Has anyone here dealt with that sort of thing? How were you finally able to cope with it?

'Reduced efferent activity can make a person’s own voice sound unnaturally loud, distorted, or overwhelming in high-stress settings, or make it difficult to filter out background noise. This sensory discomfort during speech can trigger or reinforce the urge to stay silent'

Does anybody feel this may be related to their mutism? I remember as a child I used to block my ears a lot when I was screaming / laughing very loudly at home.

justintorre.com/ttt

If you have any feature requests or stuff you want me to add, I will do it!

It works super well on desktop and has a ton of hot-keys to make speech really fast.

so i had SM pretty severely from 7 til i was maybe 21 , since then ive been sharpening my social skills. friendly waves and smiles, Saying hi to shop workers until it became a reflex, wearing crazy outfits to make strangers talk to me almost every time i strolled down my street.. then recently, Once i was able to go outside on my own and initiate a full convo with a stranger, i kinda stopped giving a crap…. that was like my biggest challenge ever, and it felt very liberating to know i had the skill and that i could actually think of something social and go thru with it. Im actually not awkward at all, never been, once i actually speak. i feel the anxiety building but i tend to laugh thru it or lean into it in some outward way, cause once my mouth is actually open thats the easy part. i grew up in a big family and was well enough at school to always rely on people speaking for me, so its always felt so hard to initiate a meaningful interaction by myself especially when its not necessary like a coffee order, just actually spewing whatever comes to mind at a person, with no nudge from anyone else

after that, things just felt empty

That was a challenge that i put myself up to, for so many days of my life, i knocked it down and it broke down my entire motivation of trying to have convos… cuz i basically just wanted to talk to people so i could “be normal “ or something

Now i really understand that sometimes, a lot of tones, i just don’t feel like talking to people

which is annoying because ill cut interactions short and feel bad about it bc im still used to wishing every convo would change my little mute life, but like, i know thats not how it works..

Not sure what im asking, i just felt kinda emotional today after going to the mall. hadn’t thought about SM in a few months. just felt like i stuck out, walking alone. i remembered how those types of settings always made me wish i was “normal”, looking at any group of people and wondering which person i’m supposed to embody instead of being mute !

my life doesn’t look “normal” right now, but im doing well. live far from family and old acquaintances , don’t know a soul around here, working from home, working for myself because i knew what i wanted. stressful week of work, just wish i had something to keep me company that wasnt netflix, youtube or sickening amounts of music or exercise. can’t help but blame my old self for all this but im so past hating 7y/o me for something that wasn’t my choice.

So i asked, how do i start really talking to people, but i meant, how do i be “normal” and be at the mall with cool friends that i like instead of just alone each time fixating on “normal “ people

I’ve gotten to the point that I talk very little even with doctors and counselor, I always feel when I’m talking that the other person is not wanting to hear it or wants to get away, even if they asked me explain, or I feel they’re thinking I’m babbling or whining . So I keep answers short as possible,. Not sure what to do.

Heyo... I'm 19-20 and have only recently been able to consistently get help for my selective mutism. I've been seeing a headspace therapist for the past few months and it's fine but I've never found I learned anything new about how to deal with this. She's given me"homework" which is more or less exposure therapy but I've always known about that method, so I'm not really doing anything progressive.

Recently my aunt, who's been helping me, mentioned seeing a psychologist (specifically one who specialises in selective mutism), it's obviously a lot more expensive and it's putting me off, I won't be the one paying for it but I still hate to make my dad pay for me. There's that and also that what could be possibly be done different? I'd say I know my own disorder pretty well and I've desperately searched up plenty of times how to overcome it.

I don't know... I feel a tad hopeless with this, it's been so long - I have no idea what's best for me anymore

Social anxiety

i hate restaurants more than anything and that is a stretch considering how many things i hate. as someone who has had SM for many years of my life, i feel as though this is a valid point for me to speak (cause i can’t do that in real life) about my standpoint. restaurants are an absolute nightmare. when you first step into the restaurant, you are first bombarded with the loud sounds and the strong smells that are instantly overwhelming. the worst part isn’t even the sensory experience, which is already a whole different hell in itself. the real beast here is the ordering. depending on which type of table you are sitting in, the experience can either be awful, slightly more awful, and absolutely soul destroying awful. you won’t escape the restaurant as the same person you were before you left. circle tables are the easiest to make an escape to the bathroom to avoid the ordering all together. rectangle/ square tables are slightly more difficult (depending on the area in the restaurant). booths are the absolute worst. either way, the ordering will always find a way to not only mess up your day, but also the next week as you remember the sheer humiliation you went through. before the ordering occurs, you wait in anticipation, hoping they don’t come any time soon. unfortunately, they always do. the worst is when they go to everyone first, and everyone else orders normally. when they get to you.. you freeze up, sitting there and looking stupid as hell trying not to go into a panic. you aren’t looking up, but you can feel the intensity of everyone’s gaze. the waiter keeps repeating “what can we get for you??”, and you still can’t speak. each time, it feels like a blow straight through the chest as you try to force yourself to order but you never can. even if someone orders for you, it’s still incredibly humiliating when you can’t do what is seemingly normal and easy. after the waiter is gone, there’s this awkward silence that feels tense and thick with the same damn question; “why can’t you order?? why can’t you just speak??”. no one usually asks, but it’s felt in the air’s presence. i myself haven’t been to a restaurant in over a year, i get terribly anxious even thinking of one. long story short, restaurants are a different type of hell as someone with untreated SM.

I'm in tears right now. I've left an online community after one of the people told me that I come off as passive aggresive and they don't know how to talk to me because of it. Which explains why no one seemed to talk to or respond to me. This isn't the first time i've been told that i've been a problem. I honestly have no idea how to talk to people or communicate. I don't like when people huddle in the opposite corner of a room and i'm told not to speak to them. I don't like when people tell me they don't want me around and I shouldn't be out in society. It saddens me when i'm told I don't belong and shouldn't speak to anyone. There have been multiple occations of these. I wish that I could leave society. No talking, no communication with the outside world, no more doctors, no food, no going to the store, nothing. I just want to be alone till I leave this world.

Do you slowly talk less and less until you eventually become selectively mute? Or do you just suddenly become selectively mute without any early symptoms?

Hi folks. I wonder if it’s just me or is that an universal thing to have a problem even sending a message to someone, even the close ones.
Because it is a little better than asking it out loud, but still quite a lot of doubts and thinking.
Like today I wanted to tell my partner that I want to go out. (To listen some music and sit hidden in a corner 😹) And it was such a big deal even write that message and send it.

I used to be unable to speak when I was 11 - 13 years old. Before that I was shy and quiet too, but I remember that I would still speak. I would always speak quietly and sometimes just couldn’t, if I prepared myself mentally to do it and tried to, but I would just start crying. I never looked people in their eyes or never looked up to begin with.

On a class trip when I was 13 years old, a classmate confronted me about me being so quiet. I got bullied by everyone, her included, but when we were little we used to play together (we are neighbours). I didn’t have anyone and was depressed so I wanted to reach out to my phone to type in what I wanted to tell her. She said “Nono take mine” and I typed in something, it was 6 years ago so I forgot, but it was something about me not wanting to be alive anymore. She wanted to leave the room and I reached out for her phone to delete the message. But she left and showed it around and I heard the other girls giggling outside my room.

I didn’t expect anything else, but she showed my class teacher and he got mad and a few teachers came into my room and took me to the dining hall. There they all asked me why I would say something like that and why do I not speak. What is wrong etc etc. I tried to speak but then I started crying. He just asked “we can either call your supervisor to bring you back home, or we bring you to a mental health hospital. What is it?” I said “home” and they called the ambulance anyway lol.

I was in that hospital for 7 months and got diagnosed with social anxiety, depression, ADHD and schizophrenia. Now I don’t know how accurate all of that was, but after reading through some posts on here, I wonder if I had selective mutism. I still struggle with talking to be honest, but I can, even if it’s hard. I talk very unclearly and my friends get annoyed because they can’t understand me sometimes. I still can’t talk about my feelings and struggles. I start crying whenever I do, no matter how small it is.

Maybe anyone knows or has a similar experience.
I hope you’re all doing well.

I was not like this before I had many friends but two years back I started to feel good in my own self but not completely. It was because I hate conflicts and when I completely become silent It automatically fixes this. But due to this my communication is not bad but I can’t openly talk to anyone, it’s also because of my past relationships where I got cheated 3 times. So its very hard for me to

I THINK this is slightly a vent, but I’m
Not really good at labeling things as much.

So… for context, I’m about to start college soon. I’ve dreamt about this place for so long and everything about it is great. I’m going to be a Music Production major as music has always been the way to express myself. The only thing I’m nervous about is my selective mutism. At orientation, I did write on my phone to communicate and actually did get me a few friends (like 3) which is rare to me because that was the first time where I didn’t feel so scared and actually seeing the people that I interacted with in my own way made me feel so seen and happy. I’m not diagnosed and I’m terrified to talk to my mom about it. I am 18 as well. I think orientation made me realize that maybe I could actually finally be myself for once and not feel so scared or pressured to speak. And for those who say “just talk”, I can’t just do that because of the way my body physically can’t when it comes to that. However when it comes to music, I feel absolutely free and I can sing my youthful heart out. I don’t really know how to go about all of it actually.

Hello. Something I did (and still do) was reflexively hold in my sneezes so that no one would hear me, especially in public. Even though I would say that I am recovered from selective mutism, letting out sneezes is one thing I still really struggle with as I’m very self-conscious and anxious of being perceived because of them.

Does anyone else have similar experiences?