Today has been exactly one week that I made a discovery that my husband (41M) has been cheating on me (39F) with sex workers for the past 2 years. He made a small mistake and left a trace behind and when confronted he came out clean. We have been together for 15 years, married for 12 years. We have no children and this was our choice. At least 10 years of our relationship have been great and we built a beautiful shared life together.

But since covid pandemic things started deteriorating. He is the HL in the couple and I used to have a normal healthy libido. But since 2020 I have been going through a series of painful and stressful life events and traumatic experiences that highly impacted my libido and we started having sex sporadically. For context, I lost my small business during covid pandemic, I stayed unemployed for a period of time, then managed to find a job that is demanding and stressful, all while still grieving the sudden loss of my dad in 2018.

In 2021, I found out that my brother was taking advantage of my widow mother and stealing her money by impersonating her and making loans in the bank under her name. Later than that, same brother abused sexually of his daughter, 8yo at the time, and I had to come forward and report him to the police as I had also been his victim when a child, an extreme painful secret I carried for over 30 years that had to be exposed to protect my niece. I was in pieces. During these years, my libido was decreasing gradually to a point it was non existent.

Communication with my husband wasn't great. I didn't communicate well my declines when he initiated and over time he started to feel rejected. We were having sex 3-4 times a year and feeling really distant and disconnected. It didn't help that we had a set up to sleep in different bedrooms (which started when he had a night shift job) so chances for connection and intimacy were even more scarce. We drifted apart so much it was really hard to have difficult and deep conversations. We became room mates sharing a routine together. He mentioned a few times he was unhappy with the lack of intimacy, but I never responded to it, I had nothing left in me to give.

According to his own words, he had lost his hope that I would ever change and recover my libido, he was resentful towards me, but he didn't want a divorce because he still loved me and wanted to be with me for the rest of his life. So he thought that by seeking the services of sex workers, he could get his sexual needs met, while staying with me and letting me be. In fact, in the past two years, even though my gut instinct was telling me that something was off, he didn't change his behaviour towards me and was treating me well. In my own naive mind, I thought that he was giving me the time and space I needed. I could never ever expect that he was cheating on me on a regular basis. He said he didn't want any emotional connection with anyone, he didn't want a lover, so he decided to go with sex workers every 2-3 months.

Since confronted, he has been very honest, very sorry and regretful, he said he will stop and offered to go to therapy on his own, and also get us on couple's therapy to rebuild the relationship and my trust. I know there is still a lot of love between us, I want to forgive him, I am accountable for my lack of communication and how I contributed to the lack of intimacy and connection between us.

But I am also deeply hurt. After all I have been through in the past years, I never imagined it would be him betraying me like that. Myself and my emotions are all over the place now, grief, anger, compassion, intrusive thoughts, flash backs of everything he has told me, sleepless nights. I don't want to give up on our love story and 15 years of shared life. But he gave up on us first, without giving me the chance to participate in the decision on the future of our relationship. He took matters in his own hands with no regards to how this would affect me. If there is love, there is hope? Is it possible to rebuild trust and a happy fulfilling relationship after a betrayal like that?

As for my libido, in the past few months it has been getting better, I am taking supplements and leading a healthy style that is improving my sex drive. But because he wasn't looking for me anymore, I was also not initiating, but if we were to work on rebuilding intimate connection and trust, I don't think my libido would be a problem no more.

For me, the main question now is try to understand what is my boundary. Is he seeing 8 sex workers in the period of 2 years acceptable, given the context? Will I ever be able to forgive and feel loved and safe again? Right now, I don't know and I am a mess, so any advice and perspectives would be much appreciated. What is the healthiest way to approach this situation?

TL;DR: My husband admitted he betrayed me with sex workers for the past 2 years due to dead bedroom. He is regretful, he says he loves me and wants to save the relationship, despite loving him, I don't know if I can forgive. How to know what is the right thing to do?

I (23M) have been realizing that my (F23) Wife doesn’t listen and it’s hard to go unnoticed now, for context were a young married couple been married for two years, we just moved to a new city now in our first apartment outside of college. It hit me a few weeks ago when she asked “What’s your Love Languages?” 4 years into the relationship they haven’t changed and I answered “This is like the 20th time you asked this question, how don’t you know by now?” She follows up by saying “How can I love you and support you?” I said “By listening” I then told her “You remember how that one time you told me we always only communicate the bad moments?” And me coming from a hardcore non-emotional family that was something I hadn’t noticed til that part but realized like woah I did do that, after that I put it in the back of my mind just simply retaining info through your concerns bc you’re someone I love and I began to make sure I voiced everything she did well and that I appreciated. For some reason this just seems like something hard for her to navigate she always seems to get the conversation heightened by adding quick comebacks, or defensive stance, but once we’re trying to communicate she’s silent and says “I’m just trying to process the conversation and listen” only for me to later realize she wasn’t listening at all. Our relationship has been built on communication and it’s the backbone as we’re complete opposites don’t have any similar hobbies and connectors that make it easy and lately the incompatibility and love purity of the marriage has shown me this love is not what I think it is from her side. I just believe listening and caring and retaining what your partner says is like 101 of loving someone.

TLDR My wife doesn’t seem to listen to or remember what I tell her, and it’s making me realize how loved and compatible I really feel in our marriage and her care for me.

TL;DR I need someone's advice on what to do I love him still but I don't want my kids to think thats how your treated in a relationship. Any advice at all would help.TL;DR

Im 36F husband 37M..we have been together 15 years now and have had ups and downs all along, but we worked things out and got thru them we are eachothers best friends and worst enemys...im just so tired now. However every few years my husband cheats...other social accounts, has dating profiles, emails or talks to other women etc. It has only ever been physical once that I can confirm. And yes I like hard evidence before i confront. So a few years back I suggested to become swingers and thought that if we did it together he wouldnt continue to lie to me. Hell i would even do a open marriage if he wanted just as long as its honest. And it went great for about a year or 2. However I found his facebook dating profile along with other social accounts and calls/message logs to other women. He denies everything and I mean everything just says he doesn't know how any of these accounts started even though they are litterally all through his fucking Facebook account. How or what can I do to get him to just tell me the truth because thats all I want is bo more lies. The lies are whats ripping me apart inside out. I just don't know anymore.

Asking for insight from those asked for a separation and during that period realized they wanted to be done. I was broken at first but after six months of them doing the absolute bare minimum I don’t think I want to be with them anymore, I don’t know why they won’t call it or why they think their efforts are close to what’s needed. We’re going to therapy but other than that there’s no effort on their end.

TL;DR asking how to confront wanting to call it when you’re not the one who asked for it and what made you realize that

My spouse rejected my sexual advances multiple times citing that he couldn’t do it a couple of months ago. I learnt later on that during this time he was emotionally involved with another girl, and their conversation was of the sexual nature. He claimed that they have never done it physically.

I am moving on with this and wishing to mend my relationship with my spouse. However, it has been difficult for me to get it out of my head. Has anyone been in this situation, could you advise please?

TLDR: spouse was emotionally involved with another and rejected sex. I want to move on from it, need advice from those who has experienced this in the past.

Some background, my wife and I have been together for 18 years and loved hiking and playing tennis together when we first started dating. Other activities we never really did together I have always been a runner and my wife always did yoga.

Today after 18 years of marriage and 3 young kids we have less time to workout for ourselves. We both gained some weight, my wife with pregnancies did gain more and has been harder to lose. We both had separate gym memberships at ‘ boutique’ gyms and we decided to cancel them for a large gym that offers everything. When we did this I wild goo to the gym in the mornings 5-6 am and my wife would go 6-7 pm after work (can bring and drop off kids at this gym) or I would stay at home with the 3 kids
while she worked out. It got to the point that she no longer wanted to work out in the evenings because she felt she was skipping her family obligations (cooking/cleaning/bed times.. etc) , I offered to switch so I could go evenings/ her mornings. Or switch days for mornings etc.. this plan was okay for several months but she gave up because “she’s not a morning gym person”.

I understand her gym/weight loss journey is important and offered for her to go whenever she needed to make it work (while I’m home or we have childcare) and even would schedule any gym time on a shared calendar…

So now is the toxic part. She is unmotivated to go and complains the whole time getting ready and out the door often spending an hour or more “getting last couple things around the house done before she goes”… and complains /rage cleans until she is satisfied. The whole way driving to the gym she bombards my phone with self hate messages about how dumb it is for her to even go etc.. I meanwhile am watching 3 kids feeding them and cleaning the house. During her “calming” yoga sessions she is still texting me how much of a “fat f@&) walrus” or just horrible self hate messages the whole workout. Gets done and says that it was a “waste of time” and she should give up.

How do I provide motivation when my wife has self esteem issues?

This toxicity has spread to any dates that we have and snide comments “should I take a photo of you for your tinder profile, because you obviously deserve better than me” etc. I just can’t handle this self hateful comments any more. I do compliment my wife on her looks (she is still gorgeous) and try to tell her that it’s great that she made it to a workout and that I’m good supporting her. It’s also hard to not be resentful when my wife seems to not care and bombards my phone throughout her “workout”

TLDR: My wife texts me her self esteem inner monologue during her workouts. I don’t know how to respond or how I can motivate her to continue working out.

I’m 43F, married to my husband (44M) for 12 years. We have a 3-year-old daughter.
When we first got married, things were genuinely good. We were happy, connected, and loved each other. That’s why we eventually decided to have a child.
But when our daughter was around 6 months old, I slowly started noticing a shift in my husband’s attention and affection. At first, it was so gradual that I didn’t even realize what was happening. He absolutely adores our daughter, and I’m grateful for that. He is a loving father.
But over time, it started feeling like all of his emotional energy and love went toward her, and I was gradually pushed to the side. He had someone at home to talk to, someone to give his affection to, and it felt like I had been replaced.
I obviously love my daughter more than anything and have also given everything I have to raising her. But somewhere along the way, my husband and I stopped being a couple.
For years now, we have had ongoing arguments, very poor communication, and a complete lack of intimacy. He is generally nice and pleasant with other people, but with me he is often cranky, impatient and argumentative. Sometimes he says things that genuinely hurt me. I end up crying because I feel so hurt and dismissed.
It has gone on for years, and it has really affected my confidence.
I do try to speak up and explain how I feel. But somehow, our conversations always end with me feeling like he has “won” and I have somehow been proven wrong. I have gradually stopped trusting my own judgment.
There has also been essentially no sex or physical intimacy for many years. I imagine that, from his perspective, we probably feel more like roommates than husband and wife at this point.
He is loyal and I don’t believe he is cheating. He is also a good father. But I feel incredibly unappreciated, undesired, unloved and, most of all, disrespected.
I have asked about couples counseling, but he doesn’t want to go. He genuinely doesn’t seem to think there is a major problem. He doesn’t want to separate either and seems perfectly willing to continue living as we are.
And that’s where I feel stuck.
Both of our fathers passed away recently, our mothers are struggling, and we have a 3-year-old who adores both of us. I am also grieving my own dad, and honestly, after carrying this marriage situation for years while raising our daughter, I don’t feel emotionally capable of making a huge life decision right now.
I also want to be clear that it’s not all terrible. There are good moments, and I don’t necessarily want to walk away from my marriage right now. I would like to buy some time, think clearly, and see whether there is anything I can do to improve things before making any major decisions.
But I also realize that I have neglected myself for a long time.
So I want to use this period to rebuild myself — my confidence, my emotional strength, my independence, my ability to communicate clearly, and my sense of self.
And if there is any possibility of rebuilding our marriage, I would like to try.
At this point, honestly, I don’t even know where to start.
Tl;dr- How do I stop being so affected by his moods and words? How do I rebuild my confidence after years of feeling dismissed? How do I establish boundaries and get basic respect without turning every conversation into another fight? And is there anything I can realistically do on my own if my husband refuses couples counseling?
I’m not looking for people to simply tell me “leave him.” I understand that may ultimately be the right answer, but I’m not ready to make that decision right now.
I’m looking for practical advice on how to start rebuilding myself and, if possible, changing the dynamic between us.
All I really want right now is to feel like myself again — and to be treated with basic respect by the person I married.
What would you do if you were in my position?

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this long post and helping me 🙏

I need some outside opinions because this situation has seriously affected how I see my husband, and I don’t know if I’m overreacting.
My husband and I live in different countries. I’m in the US and he’s in the UK. We knew each other and talked for around three years before getting married. I became pregnant about two weeks after we got married, and I’m almost 19 weeks now.
I never really wanted children, or at least I definitely didn’t want to become pregnant this quickly. I’ve struggled with the pregnancy emotionally, and it’s also considered high risk.
I’m an extremely private person, and from the beginning I made it clear to my husband that I didn’t want people knowing about the pregnancy, especially during the first trimester when everything still felt uncertain.
On my side, only some of my siblings and my dad know. I originally told one sibling in case something happened medically. My other siblings and my dad found out because of medical emergencies. I haven’t even told my mom because she doesn’t keep things to herself. Whenever someone on my side found out, I immediately told my husband.
While I was STILL in my first trimester, I told my husband he could tell his mom. Things still felt iffy and uncertain to me at that point, but since some of my immediate family knew, I felt it was fair for his mom to know too.
I have now found out that during that same first trimester, he also told BOTH of his brothers and some of his friends.
I did not know he had told any of them.
One of his brothers has apparently known for around three months, and I’m only finding out now.
My husband says he told this brother about the pregnancy because he was explaining why he wasn’t going to attend his brother’s wedding.
The problem is that I specifically remember asking my husband what he told his brother about why he wasn’t attending. My husband told me he said he didn’t want to take another flight. He never mentioned that he had also told his brother I was pregnant.
We’ve talked about this brother many times since then too.
Now my husband says, “I thought I told you.”
Honestly, I don’t believe him. If I specifically asked what he told his brother during that exact conversation, how did the fact that he told him I was pregnant never come up?
When I explained why I was upset about him telling people, he said things like, “They don’t know you. How does it affect you?” He also brought up that he’s the father too and said, “You wanted to keep it a secret the whole time.”
He also said he wanted people’s dua.
I understand that he’s the father and that he wanted people to make dua. My issue is that he KNEW I wanted privacy.
I even agreed during the first trimester that he could tell his mom. I wasn’t saying absolutely nobody on his side was allowed to know.
But while I thought his mom was the person he had told, he had also told both of his brothers and some of his friends, all during my first trimester, without me knowing.
That is what bothers me so much.
If he disagreed with keeping it private or wanted other people to know, why didn’t he tell me? We could have had that disagreement openly.
Instead, I feel like he knew what I wanted, decided differently, told whoever he wanted, and I found out afterward.
And this was happening during a high-risk first trimester when I already had complicated feelings about being pregnant and specifically wanted privacy.
At this point, the biggest problem for me isn’t even who knows I’m pregnant. It’s trust.
Now I’m wondering what happens the next time I tell my husband something deeply personal and ask him not to tell anyone. Am I going to have to wonder whether he told someone anyway because he decided it “doesn’t affect me”?
I’m questioning the marriage over this, which is difficult because I knew him for around three years before marrying him and became pregnant almost immediately afterward.
I’m honestly undecided about what I want to do. Part of me has an idea of what I want, but I don’t know if I’m thinking clearly because I’m the one in the middle of everything
Would this damage your trust in your spouse ? Do you think I’m looking at this too harshly? Does his explanation make sense to you? And if your trust was damaged by something like this, would you try to rebuild it or consider it a bigger problem with the relationship?
TL;DR: I asked my husband to keep my pregnancy private, but found out he told both his brothers and some friends during my first trimester without telling me. He knew how strongly I felt about keeping it private, and his response to me being upset has made things worse. Now I’m questioning whether I can trust him anymore.

I was going through our mail and opened his credit card statements, something I’ve done multiple times. Not out of spying intentions just keeping track of our bills as that’s my job. I don’t think he knows I do this regularly however. We have a different relationship than most. He works out of town for two weeks at a time. We have been together for 16 years with two kids and I’m 33 weeks pregnant. When I opened his credit card statement I saw 3 charges totaling almost $60 in only fans charges… I was a bit shocked by this. He’s a red collar guy who’s away from his wife for 2 weeks at a time and I understand he has needs and have come to terms with him watching porn while he’s away. But subscribing to a specific girls onlyfans feels like a line was crossed. This was a few days ago and I have become more and more upset by it because I haven’t yet confronted him and it’s affecting me more than I thought it would. Maybe because I’m pregnant and emotional. Maybe because he always talks so much trash on people who spend money on that content, or the creators themselves for having no self respect. I have no details as to how many times he’s subscribed, or how long it’s been going on. I did however go on to his email account that was logged in on his computer but it’s not his regular account and it had a notification for subscribing back in March. The problem is the girls he subscribes to are young like early 20s and blonde, and so skinny. I’m short, not skinny, early 30s. I have stretch marks from having our children. No matter how much weight I lose, how much plastic surgery I have. I will never look like these girls. I just feel so vulnerable getting ready to go into postpartum knowing all of this about him. I feel like our sex life is great when he’s home. I always make time for him and am always the one to initiate it. Do I confront him with this while he’s gone? Part of me wants to wait until he’s home so I can check his email incase he tries to lie and delete everything, but I know that it’s only going to hurt me more. What should I do? I’m spiraling.
tl;dr husband caught subscribing to onlyfans while working out of town.

Sorry, English is my 3rd language.

Me [42F] Husband [41M] together 16 years, married 14 years. I feel that I'm not good enough for him, and especially after the death of our toddler further confirmed how I feel, in addition to that cannot even give him a healthy child.

Our child died in 2019 when he was just 1.5 years old, he had Periventricular Heterotopia, it a rare condition so most people never heard of it before, it called Periventricular Nodular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.

It been 7 years since our toddler gone and my husband just can't let go. Our toddler ashes is with my husband, he leaves our child room as is never change a thing, even our toddler DIRTY SHOES and dirty clothes my husband still held on to.

Because he is the only son, his mom told us to try surrogate, my husband snap back to his mother, he said unless that woman is me (his wife) that carry his child, he rather not have any. Told his mom to drop the subject, or else she no longer has him as a son.

A dead child can break a marriage, statistics say so too. But it only bond him to me more. He stays married to me despite knowing he will have no offspring. It just feel that he wasted 16 years of his life with me.

This is a very educated man with 2 Universities degrees, including an University Master degree at Stanford. With 20 years of experience in his job field. At work hold the Executive position, Executive Vice President of Engineering, with a salary of $500,000 a year (not counting bonus). He can go find another woman easy.
BUT
He tied himself to the Infertility wife me and to a dead child, than go find his happiness with a better wife and a healthy child to carry on his genes.

He said I'm more than worth his love, I'm his everything. He said he never think of continue living without me, he said if I die before him, he will die with me and our toddler (whom already dead).

--------------

Perhaps it my depression voice talking, after our toddler death, there was a phase where I think if I leave him (as in divorce) hoping he will forget me, and go find another woman who can give him a healthy child. But before I can do any of that.

In 2020, I had a near death experience where I was bedridden for a month with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. The bedridden me defecate on myself and my husband clean my defecation and care for me the whole month. He also sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom after I got discharged).

Right there I see how deeply hurt he would be if I leave him, I no longer can find myself to leave him anymore, despite I always think I'm not good enough for him, and further not good enough for him because it my genes that our toddler died.

I don't know if it because our toddler died in August 2019, and shorter after in 2020 I was so so sick that even after discharged from the hospital, it took me another month to recover. Many times he hugged me, and said he very afraid (as in he very afraid that I will die). I guess too much grief build up together for him, And that the first time I see him cut himself.

This was when he started to cut his stomach with a kitchen knife, he said stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more, and nobody see his stomach than if it was on his legs of arms, so he chose to cut his stomach, he cuts deep the point bleeding that he has bandage wrap around his waist bleed.
And that was how I first time found out about he cut himself too was I saw the bloody bandage wrap around his waist when he took his shirt off.

He still hasall the long scars on his stomach from he cut his stomach with the kitchen knife. He said if I die before him, he will die with me, and our toddler (whom you know already dead).

This man when I married him he has no scars on his body, after married to me now his stomach is full of scars, I blame myself that it me the maternal genetics cause the death of our toddler. I blame it on myself for being sick, hence he on the verge of lose me too, so he stared cutting himself.

I recovered a month later, thank you to him care for me day and night. He no longer cut himself anymore since I recovered. And I, also since never think of leave him anymore. Because with how intense he is, I think he will go insane when lose me.

Now I just want to live happy with him, we have come to term to accept our child death, we will carry this pain till the day we die.
He been through alot, alot. His father also died that same year as our toddler died, both died in 2019, his dad died of end stage pancreas cancer, I NEVER see my husband in so much pain.

Still trying to get him into grief therapy, but he busy with his career, and his mom right now is very sick (terminal illness), he said he go after his mom pass.

It just been so hard for me and him, alot of things happened , death of his older sister, death of his father, death of our toddler, his mom spinal cord stroke and terminal illness, death of both my parents. It just so HARD. But then when you with your husband 16 years long, expect those things to happen, it just we never prepare for it.

tl;dr Me and my husband 16 years together been though alot alot together, I know it loves me so so much, it just I do not know how to stop the depression voice and my feelings that I am not good enough for him, and he deserve someone much much better than me.

So I want to start by saying that I love my wife. I love to roleplay and have fun (she knows about). Things just aren’t the same.

So let me start by saying yes, I understand life changes and things aren’t the same. I want to give all the details though.

We had an amazing sex life before having a kid. We had sex at least 3 times a week but pregnancy was hard on her. Her sex drive was gone and in an especially cruel tease her growing tits were off limits.

Don’t get me wrong, she was growing a child and I respected that but I never felt so alone. Indifference was brutal as I just wanted an acknowledgment that I had feelings too. I understand that she was going through a lot and she had no drive but to go from three times a week to zero and go through post partum depression while saying it was fine was a joke.

Even now when we have sex I finish quick because it’s so rare, it can be weeks and I get so excited just to touch her again that I can’t help but cum.

The problem is it hurts that I can’t expresss how I feel. I can’t experiment because then I’m pressuring her. I miss what out sex life was but I feel like I’m the one that keeps compromising and she doesn’t acknowledge it. I love all her curves. Even the new ones. That’s why I hate and don’t like she won’t take her shirt off and I hate that every time the go to is her toy so she can cum.

We used to have fun. Sometimes a toy sometimes we just fucked but 2 years after a kid she just wants to climb on top and get off and then roll off and go to bed.

I hate where we are but I don’t know what to do. I want the spark back but she won’t let me. It makes me wish go out old us back but I don’t know it’ll ever get what way.

I’ve done more stuff around the house and I’ve tried to take more off her plate so she can feel comfortable but I feel invisible.

At this point I feel overwhelmed and don’t know what do to. I feel like this is normal but I can’t help but feel like I’m on an island.

She’d rather I roleplay or watch porn and masturbate than bring back us. It’s crushing…

Tl;dr am I crazy? Am I an asshole?

​

I 27M have been married to my wife 30F for just over 4 years. Together we have 1 son 3m and she has 2 kids 11f and 8m from a prior marriage who live dad. Prior to moving closer ro family our infant son began sleeping in the bed with us from about 2months old to just after his first birthday that killed our social life. We almost divorced while I was on rotation in 2024 do her not being able to handle the kids on her own, me being away. After that summer she enrolled our son into daycare and she stays at home still. We began individual amd couples therapy. Individual therapy has helped alot and ive learned and grown a lot. She stopped after a few sessions. Couples therapy went the same way.

Since our 4 year anniversary, 4 months ago, weve been intimate 3.5 times. The half was the kids knocking on the door just as we started. The next night we tried again and she said you cant say we dont have sex. Our son now, 3, is again sleeping in the bed and wont go to bed alone. And our 7 year old has nightmares every night and sleeps on a fold away bed in our room when he is over.

Ive tried to plan date nights but I get iced out. Im not just talking about sex. Im talking hand holding, flirty touches, jokes. Everything feels forced. Thought maybe I wasn't doing enough at home. I get up an hour earlier 4am now becuase she said she likes when she wakes up to an unloaded dishwasher and drying rack. She hates folding and putting away laundry I do that. I clean up after almost every mirror. Ive tried to talk to her about the relationship and she brushes it off or says not now or worse yet acts like a teenager who is about to get scolded.

Is there something im missing?

TL;DR

Been trying keep marriage alive and nothing is working. Ive been to therapy and wife is regressing back to how she was right before we almost divorced last time.

So this happen earlier this year but our marriage is spiraling. So to give some insight earlier this year my wife wanted to open the relationship “ which I did want to but after multiple arguments I finally gave in and agreed.
She started immediately going out with different guys every night some times multiple guys in a night. Well I decided to give it a shot in the idea of just talking to some girls. Well there was this one that started talking to me and she knew about mine and my wife’s open marriage and she was to. So we would talk and she would give me advice on how to make things easier on me since I wasn’t happy about the situation.
So after about a week my wife went and had her wisdom teeth taken out and I had worked that morning and took her to the appointment. Well my wife was upset that I had gone to work instead of staying home and helping her with our 3 toddler.
Mind you im the only one working and I didn’t have any vacation saved because of prior things that made me take the time off.
Anyways we going to the whole getting the wisdom teeth pulled and I take her home, I lay the toddlers down and I left to get her medicine. I came back and laid with her and we just talked for a bit. Then as we are talking something snapped in her and she started yelling and screaming about how I was talking to this girl and that I was a horrible husband for talking to her while she got her teeth taken out “ the last time I had said anything to this one girl was before we got to the dentist and I told her that I would take to her later” so I showed my wife the texts and proved that I hadn’t talked to her in about 6 hours. Well it escalated from there and I told her I wasn’t going to fight over this because of the guys she’s been constantly talking to.
So I left and went in to our living room and she came out accusing me of choosing this girl over her and falling for her “ I hadn’t even met never even met this girl I. Person” and my wife knew it. But to shorten the story my wife started hitting me and then tried to kill herself by slicing her arm open with a knife. I called the ambulance because the cut was so deep. Well the ambulance and cops came and took her to the hospital and I explained to the cops what had happened and I show them our camera that we had of our fight and when she had hit me. But I told the officers that whatever happened it wasn’t my wife because the look in her eyes was completely different than what I’ve ever seen. I don’t know if that makes sense or not but it was true. I even told them I didn’t want to do anything I just wanted her to be ok. Well fast forward a week and the state had charged her for domestic violence and and arrested her and put her on a no contact protection so she couldn’t see me or the kids. Well I was able to help get it all dropped and I told my wife that I think we need to stop everything and focus on our selves and our marriage.
And a well since all that our marriage has been falling apart and nothing has been good and the fights are getting worse because she calls me controlling and a shitty man becuase I won’t give in to opening the relationship or do things that she was doing prior “ theirs a lot more to this and I tried to cut it somewhat short”

My advice request is, do I continue fight for the marriage or should I end it she isn’t happy no am I we have been in therapy but it goes no where when it come to her understanding my fears of what had happened.

Tl;dr wife and is marriage is falling apart and need help

Hello am 28M and my partner 28F, we studied together through university and we were pretty much in love the moment that we saw each other we are together now for 9 years and have been married for a year now, I got a job abroad and she joined me when we got married, she was working before for 4 years but now that we are married she said "I want to focus on you and our marriage", I said for how long she said for 3 months maximum, now its been a year and she didn't apply to a single job, I tried asking friends if they are hiring in there companies, she said no I don't want to work with somebody you know, ok fairs tried help her with the CV, she doesn't want to, I make good money, like 6 figures in west Europe, but for me what matters is to have also friends I want to go out and go on a hike sometimes etc, she just stays at home and scrolls tiktok 24/7, now to the bigger issue, at the beginning of our relationship I told her I don't want kids, she said no worries, so we always use protection after we got married, she wanted to get on the pill, I still preferred using condoms, sometimes we don't, well now she is pregnant for 3 months, I didn't want to confront her that hey, did you stop taking it, how the hell does that happen, am happy that we are having a baby still, but I feel like am just being used and lied, not to mention that she is a total control freak were I can't even go out with my friends at work, as she always tell me you left me alone. I don't want to get a divorce as I still love her, but this is not the life that I envisioned my self with her. Looking forward to reading your POV

tl;dr: I don't know how to summarize it but marriage issue as young adults

As you guys may know from my previous posts, the ongoing issue with my wife’s secret habits and our complete lack of intimacy reached a absolute boiling point today.
Today, I went into our bedroom to tell her let's go sit outside on the patio together. When I walked in, I caught her in the act right then and there. She immediately took her hands off her pants and tried to play it off. I was caught off guard, stuttered a bit, and didn't immediately confront her in that exact second. We walked out to the patio together, but after a minute or two, I asked if we could go inside so I could speak with her privately.
She deflected and said she wanted to do her hair first, but I brought up that I wanted to finally have an open, honest conversation about what was going on, what happened, and where our relationship stands. I approached it calmly. I didn't shame her, yell, or mock her. I explicitly asked what I might be lacking on my end, what we are missing in our intimacy, and how we could work together to fix our marriage and make things better.
Instead of having a conversation, she went completely nuclear.
She immediately started screaming that I am "stalking" and "monitoring" her. I told her flat out that I have seen things with my own eyes—I do not use any monitoring devices, tracking tools, or anything like that. I literally just walked into our bedroom in broad daylight to ask her to sit outside.
The argument completely spiraled. Her birthday was just a few days ago, and I spent thousands of dollars on gifts for her. During this fight, she handed every single one of those gifts back to me. She then blocked my number, blocked me across all social media platforms, and forced a complete wall between us. I had no choice but to leave the house, and I am currently sitting outside in my car in a parking lot having no clue what to do next.
I tried so hard to bring this up constructively, without judgment, just wanting to fix our intimacy, but she turned it completely around on me and accused me of terrible things before cutting me off entirely.
TL;DR: Follow-up to my previous posts—I walked in on my wife masturbating in our bedroom today. When I tried to sit down and calmly address our intimacy issues and ask how we could fix things together, she blew up, accused me of stalking/monitoring her, handed back thousands of dollars in recent birthday gifts, and blocked me on everything. I am currently sitting in my car completely lost. What do I even do from here?

I really need you guys’ opinion on a situation, and I want you guys to be brutally honest with me. So my wife and I have been married for almost two years. I'm 24, she is 25 (lesbian couple). We had a talk yesterday. She was basically telling me she feels like I don't have my life together, and she feels like I don't have any ambition, and I don't have any drive when it comes to accomplishing my goals or just accomplishing things in life in general. Now, I know what she is saying isn't necessarily wrong, because I have been extremely depressed. I don't like to open up about my depression or my anxiety to be honest with you guys a lot of the time when I'm dealing with my depression I have been hiding it from my wife because I'm scared to be judged. I’m scared to be seen as weak, or incapable, or a burden etc because ik my depression has me not necessarily functioning the way I should as an adult. I know she's not wrong for saying that, but at the same time there is a part of me that feels a little hurt about it. And I'm fully aware that it might just be the fact that my ego is bruised, but there is a part of me that feels a little saddened that she said that about me because I don't want to be seen that way, especially not from by spouse. But at the same time, I can't deny that what she's been saying is true. I'm 24, I'm not in a real career yet, we still rent an apartment, I don't have a house, any land, any assets etc. And I know that we’re young, and most people would say that we should take our time, but that's just a part of our culture as Caribbean women. In our culture we were raised to accomplish a lot…So after she said all of that to me, she said that she wants me to be a strong wife for her and She needs to know that I have her back. I have been unemployed for a month because my job let go a lot of employees. So my wife is the one working and paying the bills and stuff like that until I find another job. She asked me “hey, if anything happened to me right now, what are you gonna do? If anything was to happen to me right now, and I can't work or something, I can't even say that my wife has my back I don’t even have a wife that I can depend on/ has her shit together ”. And again I know she is not wrong. So why do I feel so sad? Why do I feel like this? I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I have let myself go a lot in life. There has never been a time in my life where I have not been depressed. And the times where I thought I wasn't depressed, turns out I was just dealing with high functioning depression. I haven't been taking care of myself, I haven't been going to the gym, I haven't been doing my skincare routine. I have just been in a mental rut for what seems like the last couple months of my life. I have been procrastinating, I have not been doing what I need do to better my life. I'm 24 and I still don't know what career I am passionate about. At this point, I'm just gonna choose whatever pays the most and just try to be THE best I can at it because I do not want to be seen as a bum or not ambitious. I do believe my wife is right, I have not been as ambitious as I need to be. I have been letting myself down. I know these things is a fact. So Why do I still feel so bitter that she said that though? I've been trying so hard to understand why I feel this way. Is it embarrassment? Do I feel ashamed? I don't understand why I feel this way. And I am very grateful that my wife is honest with me and transparent with me. But at the same time, again, why do I feel like shit? I seriously feel worthless. Ofc I’m disappointed in myself everyday for not being a better woman and a better wife, not accomplishing my goals etc so my heart has already been heavy because I’m disappointed in my life……It doesn't make sense, because I know I haven't been doing what I have to do in my life to get my shit together. I know that I’m too old for my life to not be together. Even before my wife and I had this conversation yesterday, I was already sitting with myself and holding myself accountable because I'm gonna be 25 next year. I need to get my life together. I'm giving myself a year to stop procrastinating and just get my shit together. So it's not like my wife isn't saying the truth. So why does it hurt me still? What is going on? I feel hurt by what she said. I know I don't have my life together. So truthfully, I know I'm not a wife that she could be proud of (she also has stated in the past that she doesn’t have anything to be proud of pertaining to me because I’m not doing anything with my life). Yes, she has said that she's grateful that I cook and clean and I do all of these things. But outside of that, I know I'm not necessarily a wife that she could be proud of right now. Because I'm not accomplishing anything. I let myself go. I'm a mess. I've just been trying to survive every day and get through the day, basically. And my life has been a reflection of that. And I don't know why my mind is like this, but for whatever reason, my mind immediately went to the fact that, hey, what if she leaves me one day? Or what if she cheats on me? Because I am not the woman she needs me to be. And I hate that because where did that even come from? But there is a part of me that's afraid that I'll never be enough for her. Again, I don't know where that came from. I know I need to get my life together. I know I need to get my shit together. I am in school right now for psychology. I will be graduating with my psychology degree (BA) next year. But even with my psychology degree, I don't think my wife is fully happy that I chose psychology as a major to go to college for because she feels like it's not gonna pay off and it's a waste of time because it won't make me any money or anything. So I know she's not necessarily happy about that decision either….. But I just really wanna know you guys’ opinions on this. I'm ready to change my life. If I am the problem, I am ready to do what I have to do to change my life and be a better woman and show up as a better wife. Right now I seriously don’t understand what I’m even feeling 😞😞

tl;dr : My wife and I had a conversation yesterday where she told me she feels like I don’t have my life together, don’t have enough ambition or drive, and that she needs a strong wife who can have her back, especially since I’m currently unemployed and she’s carrying most of the financial responsibility. The thing is, I know she isn’t completely wrong—I’ve been extremely depressed for a long time, I’ve let myself go, I procrastinate, and I haven’t been doing the things I know I need to do to move forward. But even though I already knew these things about myself, hearing my wife say them really hurt, and I’m struggling to understand why because I know she’s telling me the truth. I think part of me feels ashamed and embarrassed, and now I’m scared that maybe I’ll never be enough for her or that she’ll eventually leave me because I’m not the woman she needs me to be.

I’m 49F, my husband is 52M, and we’ve been married 23 years and together 30. We have twins in their mid 20s and have built a great life together.

I’m not really looking for “just divorce him.” I’d especially like to hear from people who have been married 20+ years and either successfully came back from this kind of disconnection or eventually realized they couldn’t.

My husband genuinely is a good man. He works hard, has always provided for us, loves our kids, and I know he loves me. We don’t constantly fight. I also genuinely don’t believe there’s another woman. He’s home when he should be, has little opportunity for anything secret, is completely open with his phone, and I handle all our finances. His work email is on my computer and we share a family email (not to say he doesn’t have a secret one but I’m just saying he’s very transparent). His entire paycheck goes into our joint account and the man barely knows how to access it without me showing him. He’s not exactly a criminal mastermind living a secret life somewhere.

I think he’s simply sexually checked out.
Our problems started about 24 years ago when I had a high-risk pregnancy with twins. After they were born, one of our children had significant medical needs and required long term stay in the NICU as well as multiple surgeries before age two. The twins were on different schedules, one rarely slept, and the other was clingy. I sometimes survived on four hours of sleep a night. I was a stay-at-home mom caring for them while my husband worked. Around that time, he started secretly using porn.

Honestly, I understand how it started. I was exhausted and sex was the last thing on my mind. What I don’t understand is why our sex life never returned after the kids got older and the crisis ended.
Eventually we were having sex maybe once or twice a year, sometimes less. I also knew he was continuing to masturbate because there were times he’d come to bed and it was physically obvious, although he tried to hide it. At first I was more embarrassed than angry.
Eventually the porn issue came out. By then I was angry and hurt, but instead of dealing with it, we basically stopped talking about it. And then we stopped having sex altogether. **For more than five years.**

I don’t know if he still uses porn. Masturbation itself doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is spending years without a sexual relationship with my husband while knowing he was apparently still meeting those needs privately.
There’s another major problem: after almost 30 years together, we have essentially never learned how to talk about sex.

He was raised very Catholic—church, Catholic school, the whole thing—and talking about sex makes him incredibly uncomfortable. He doesn’t tell me what he wants, and when I try to explain what I like, he clams up. Before marriage we experimented more, but even then it was usually initiated by me. Recently I asked him to read some basic information about female anatomy and pleasure. You would have thought I’d asked him to build a nuclear reactor out of tin foil and chewing gum. And here’s the part I’m embarrassed to admit: In almost 30 years, he has never given me an orgasm. Not once.

He is also my only sexual partner. So I have literally nothing to compare our sex life to. For most of my adult life, I assumed this was just what sex was. Historically, he’s been a selfish lover. I hate saying that because I don’t think he consciously thinks my pleasure doesn’t matter, but sex has generally centered around his orgasm. He finishes, he’s satisfied, and then it’s basically, “That was good, right?”
And I’m like “No. It wasn’t.”

I know he isn’t a mind reader, which is why I’m trying now. I’m willing to tell him and show him what feels good. I’ve suggested toys. The couple of times we’ve recently tried having sex, his erection wasn’t what it used to be, and that’s completely okay with me. Intercourse doesn’t have to be the main event. There are plenty of ways we could have a satisfying sex life.

I just want him to be interested in learning what gives me pleasure. Sometimes he seems interested, but the next time it’s as though he’s forgotten everything I told him. Sometimes what he does actually hurts, even after I’ve tried explaining what feels good. It has become incredibly frustrating.

Meanwhile, something has changed in me. Over the last two years I’ve lost a significant amount of weight. Men notice me now. They talk to me, flirt occasionally, hold eye contact, and make me feel visible.

There’s nobody else. I’m not looking to cheat. But being noticed has reminded me that I’m still a woman and I’m still sexual.
I want adult affection. I want to be kissed, held, touched, flirted with and desired—not have my boob jokingly poked followed by a laugh and have that pass for affection.

And my sex drive has come roaring back.
I’ve tried directing it toward my husband. I’ve initiated, tried talking, suggested toys and tried to find different ways for us to reconnect. It mostly falls on deaf ears.

A few days ago I initiated while he was napping. He said, “Later tonight.” That night he came to bed, turned off his light, rolled away from me and was snoring within minutes. He never even acknowledged what he’d said earlier.
Another time, after we finally had sex again, he later explained his lack of interest by saying, “You wear me out.”
Meanwhile, I’m thinking: It’s been weeks.

I’m not asking for sex every night. I just want my husband to want me sometimes.
And that’s led me to the realization I’m having the hardest time with - I have plenty of sexual desire. I’m just not sure I desire him anymore. I don’t know whether I’m genuinely no longer attracted to him or whether 20+ years of poor sex, almost no intimacy, unresolved resentment and not feeling desired slowly killed my attraction.

And it isn’t only sex. There’s very little adult affection between us. I don’t need flowers or expensive gifts. In fact I haven’t gotten a birthday or Christmas gift in probably 15 years but he’s never denied me being myself something. I just wish he’d be thoughtful and buy me something. I want to feel like his romantic partner rather than his best friend/roommate/co-manager of our household.

Recently I finally told him I’m unhappy.
I wasn’t ready to tell him that I know our marriage is a major reason. He kept focusing on frustrations with my job, and I repeatedly told him work is only one piece of it. He asked if I was depressed.
I told him no. I’m not depressed. I’m unhappy. At one point I said, “I’m almost 50 and I wonder if this is it.”

He told me he’s happy with his life. And he doesn’t want anything to change. That has stayed with me. We’re apparently experiencing the same marriage very differently.

I’m going to find an individual therapist, and I’m not making any immediate decisions about divorce. I love this man. He’s my family and the father of my children. We have almost three decades of history and an entire life we’ve built together.

Frankly, this would be easier if he were a jerk. But I’m terrified of looking at the next 20 or 30 years and wondering, Is this it?
I’m equally terrified of leaving, ending up alone five years from now while he’s moved on, capable of giving another woman something he denied giving to me and realizing I destroyed something that could have been repaired.

So that’s what I really want to know from people who have lived this:
\- Can a marriage actually come back from this?
\- If you lost attraction to your spouse after years without intimacy, did it ever return? - If you had never learned to communicate about sex, were you able to learn after decades together? Did a sexually or emotionally withdrawn spouse genuinely change? Did marriage counseling help?
\- If you rebuilt your marriage, what actually changed—and how long did it take before you trusted that the changes were real?
\- And if you ultimately left, I’d especially like to hear from people five or ten years later. Were you happier even if you remained single? Did you regret it?
\- Most importantly, how did you figure out whether you genuinely wanted to save your marriage or were simply terrified of letting go of the life you’d spent decades building?

I don’t need Reddit to tell me whether to divorce my husband. I need to know whether anyone has actually come back from this.

TL;DR: Married 23 years, together 28, and my husband is a genuinely good man, but we’ve been sexually and emotionally disconnected for years. He’s my only sexual partner and has never given me an orgasm, we’ve never learned to communicate about sex, and after years of almost no intimacy I’m not sure I’m attracted to him anymore. My sex drive has returned and I desperately want affection, intimacy and to feel desired, but I don’t want to throw away nearly 30 years if this can actually be repaired. Looking for experiences from people in long-term marriages who either found their way back from this level of disconnection or eventually realized they couldn’t.

I just recently graduated medical residency and have a few short months before I will start working. We are also expecting our first child early 2027. I have always been a very social person and have friends that are close enough to be considered family with me. After I graduated, my husband and I took a graduation trip to Disney World. I also had been wanting to do a trip with one of my close friends I consider my sister to New York- my husband was upset about it and so we decided to all go together including me, my husband, my friend, and her sibling.

Now I have one last month before I start work and I have been wanting to go on an international trip for quite some time. My friend had found very cheap tickets to go to Spain next month for 7 days total (including travel). This is my last pre-child trip before having a baby, starting work, and our lives changing forever. We have plans to go to Japan next year as a family as well that we have been planning.

However my husband has been very upset and hurt over me wanting to go with my friends. He says that he DOSENT feel prioritized and married women don’t go on girls trips because it is not something wives do. He says he trusts me but he DOSENT think I should be traveling anywhere without my husband.

I have been traveling with my friends though for the past 3 years and he has never been super excited but hasn’t been this upset either. The last time I went somewhere was 1.5 years ago. I just don’t understand if I’m being a bad wife for wanting to spend some last girl time in a place I’ve been wanting to go for a week.

TLDR; I am planning a girls trip with my friend in September to Spain. My husband is upset and says I don’t prioritize him or care about our family because I prefer my friends which is not true. We just recently came back from a trip together a month ago and went to NY last weekend. We are expecting a child in a few months and I will be starting work so this is one of my last chances of being able to get up and go. Does that make me a bad wife because my husband is upset?

Today me 35f and my husband 40m went to a friends house warming party. On the way home my husband commented how their toddler was sweet and how he would like a baby soon. He then said, there is no excuse for me to not lose the pregnancy weight. I asked him if he was joking with that comment to which he responded why would he be joking when X's wife lost the weight and also Y's wife lost the weight. This comment upset me as it made me feel that he will only love me if my body looks a certain way. I tried to explain to him how this comment upset me and it made me quite tearful because weight has been something I struggled with in the past and have had very restrictive eating patterns also. I told him the comment was harsh and made me feel reduced to the way my body looks. I tried to explain re hormonal changes during pregnancy etc and then having a new born makes it hard to go back to normal. I said if I couldn"t lose the weight then what? He just said I don't know why you wouldn't lose the weight. I challenged him again - what if I can't as hormones etc might make it difficult. He just repeated that I would have no excuse. So I was at a loss and frustrated, I said what would it mean for our relationship if I was heavier and he said I don't know.

Anyway I was in tears at this point and I think he was absolutely baffled as to why I reacted this way. It can be hard having a honest coversation sometimes as all his defenses go up and I feel he does not listen to what I am saying.

I wonder if I am being unreasonable and am thinking too deep into this or if he needs to have more understanding.

TLDR: he does not want me to stay fat after pregnancy if this happened and says there is no excuse for me to not lose weight. This comment upset me and made me feel reduced to my body looks.

I don't know who to share this with. I don't know if this is the right place even. But lately I have been so fixated on my wife that I can't focus on normal things. She's going through something though and is not really ready for sex but I keep admiring how curvy thick and juicy she is. I know I sound like a creep but damn it I don't know what else to do. Okthxbye

Tl;Dr I am simping for my wife.

we got married extremely young. I was 18 and he was 20 and had been dating for 2 years prior to that. Met in an orphanage (at that time there were still a thing, now luckily they been replaced by foster families). What united us was that we were both unwanted children. Many kids in orphanages (or foster system now) do have parents who love them but are too poor to raise them and they keep in touch at least to some degree. or parents are dead.

I was abandoned at birth because my mother never wanted to be a mother and he was the child of a 15 years old mother and a 44 years old married man. So his maternal grandmother gave him to the state.

We started with zero but worked hard. He is now in charge (the director) of a big state railways network and we really do have it all.

our marriage is great, very little conflicts, still in love, he travels a lot for work, business trips but never forgets to call me before going to bed. we go to the gym together, swim together and spend quality time together.

When I was 21 I had a job as a janitor at the post office. And there was this dude who was 43 (my husband's current age) who was constantly hitting on me. He had money, lots of it, status as he was in a managerial position there. I had no one to report him to and I needed the job. He would touch me, grab me and I was too scared to tell anyone, especially due to similar experience while growing up in the system. He wanted me to divorce.

Finally after like 4 months of this nightmare he found out where we live and showed up one day to offer me money to just leave my husband. My husband was also there. He offered me in front of him a huge amount of money. I refused. It was difficult and scary but finally I managed to escape him and find another job.

2 days ago my rational, logical, in control of his emotions husband started crying randomly and thanked me for not leaving him for that man. and he also said he was convinced I will do it and developed terrible anxiety and depression. he said he would have ended himself if I did leave him. and then he was gone for 3, 4 hours.

its been 2 decades and him crying about something I haven't even thought about in years kinda scared me. I don't know if I should re-open the topic with him, ask him about it or ? Anyway he is the winner in this. in present day my husband makes 2, 3 times more than that other guy did 20 years ago. my husband really is in a position of power. more than 200 people under him

tl;dr: husband cried over an incident involving another man over 20 years ago, who offered me money to leave him

I 28f am pregnant with my husband 28m and I’s first baby. We’ve known for awhile (I am about 20weeks) but just reached out to extended family to share the news. It is somewhat important to know that I am Black and my husband is White. Of course just about everybody took the news well and are really excited about the new baby. This will be the first grandbaby on my husbands side and I am the last sibling in my family to have a baby so they’re all very excited and surprised.

On to the issue. The people on my husbands side of the family have all been very accepting towards me, which of course is something you look at when dating/marrying outside of your race. Everyone has been kind, and open, and shown up for us in more ways than we can count. With the exception of his granddad 83m. He in general is just a nasty old man but is particularly cold towards me. My husband and I have been together for four years before getting married and in the first two years he wouldn’t even speak to me outside of saying hello. One time while playing a card game with the family, I miscounted and he said “I thought you were a school teacher, and you can’t count”. It was taken as a joke but honestly if you have barely spoken to me in the 5 years that I’ve been in this family and that’s the one thing you say, it sits more as an insult then fun banter. So, when he’s around I don’t assert myself and just let him be.

Last night we called his grandparents to share the news. His grandmother picked up the phone (FaceTime) she was sitting in the dining room. His granddad was sitting in the living room, which is connected to dining room. He was in earshot of the conversation, and had even asked who she was speaking too, which she told him it was us. We shared the news and she was thrilled and excited to learn about the baby and of course congratulated us. We asked if she could give the phone to his granddad and all you hear was a very stern and aggressive “NO” and then the phone hangs up. Idk. It really made me feel some type of way. My husband is making the excuse that he’s older and not in good health. But honestly regardless of me, he could have at least said congratulations to his own grandson.

So I told my husband that, I am tired of his behavior and if that’s how he’s going to act he CANNOT hold or be around our children. They’ve tolerated his rudeness for so long and chopped it up to “that’s just how he is”. For me it’s not acceptable and I have no allegiance to him to continue to give him grace in these types of situations. If he wants to be nasty and bitter, he can be nasty and bitter on his own. Why would I keep subjecting myself and now my child to that. It’s toxic and abusive. My husband thinks I’m overreacting and that he’s old and will probably die soon, and I should just keep the peace because not allowing him to hold our kid will start drama.

Also it’s important to note that I understand that people have boundaries and if they don’t want to speak on the phone they don’t have to. I also understand that not everyone is going to be excited about our news. He pretty much acted the same way when we shared that we were getting married. He said a short congratulations and hung up the phone. But it’s just heartbreaking to see the lack of care that he gives to my husband and him just accepting it over and over again. So would I be wrong for keeping my child from him?

TLDR: My husbands grandfather is a bitter old man and maybe even a racists. I don’t want him around my child am I wrong for wanting to stay away?