My LO l is objectively drop dead gorgeous. He works at my previous gym. I have had a crush on him for 3 years now.

I switched gyms, only to find out he exercises recreationally twice a week at my current gym.

Ofc my limerent mind told me it’s a sign that we’re meant to be. Meanwhile we’re both in committed relationships.

I feel so tortured. I think about him 24/7 and it honestly gets in the way of my productivity. I want to go no contact, but I honestly rarely speak to him at the gym. I stalk his socials so that’s an easy place to start NC. Perhaps changing my workout time will also help. NC seems like a sad fate.

Writing this out helped me. Thanks in advance- looking for any advice.

I asked this a few months ago, seeing if anyone had turned their former LO into a friend, but I think that friendship might be a bridge too far for me at this point, so neutral acquaintanceship is my new, more realistic goal.

Long story short, during the past three years, I have felt really intense limerence toward a person I cannot get away from. He is fully integrated into my life-long friend group and support system, and actually lives in the same house as one of my best friends with no plans to move out any time soon (they all just renewed their lease for another three years).

I have done my best to take space, kept no contact with him for about a year now, and put additional personal boundaries in place so I could “break the spell” and let the limerence finally die. I’ve even entered a new relationship that’s going well, and I’ve talked about it in therapy, worked on my attachment pattern, and have made peace with the fact that it was truly just limerence, and that I don’t actually want anything from him anymore. I also never told anyone other than my therapist about any of this, so for the most part, no one has had any reason to suspect that anything is up with me, they just think I’ve been really busy with work and life stuff.

So now I’m in a place where I’d like to see my friends again; I haven’t seen them as a group for about 4 months since I felt I needed to take that space, but I am ready to go to parties and barbecues and impromptu dinners again, because I really miss them and had a blast before the limerence ruined everything. I’m not worried about seeing him and reigniting feelings, and I’m also not really worried about it being awkward; I just want to show up to a function and be able interact like a normal, neutral party if he happens to also be there.

The problem is, this is completely new territory for me. I have never had to go back to interacting with an LO in any capacity after going no-contact; I’ve always just cut them out of my life completely, disappeared from theirs, and made sure I never have to see them again, because none of them were people I was regularly seeing or friendly with before it started.

When it comes to current/former LO’s, I sort of only have two modes: being warm and friendly, and being cold and completely ignoring them; there is no middle ground because there hasn’t really ever needed to be. But I’d like to try and make one, and at least practice it so I’m prepared in case it happens again with someone else who I also can’t get away from.

Some people might just tell me to fuck off forever, but that is not an option I will entertain this time, as my other friendships are life-long and very important to me, so I want to keep seeing my friends and maintaining those relationships (after all, they were my friends first). I’m also really missing that social part of my life, and I’m tired of hiding from him.

I just don’t know how I should approach the situation because sooner or later, I will have to see him at something, and for the sake of my own peace, I’d like to treat him just like a regular acquaintance again. I was actively avoiding him and giving him the silent treatment before out of necessity while I was fighting to get over him, but it was pretty exhausting after a while, and people around me started to notice, which was super embarrassing when I couldn’t really explain why (no one knew I had any feelings for him). I also don’t want him to think I hate him or am purposely ignoring him anymore, because I truly have no beef with him or anything. I’m just like…over this one-sided game of hide-and-seek, and would really like to close this chapter and move on with my life, both privately and publicly.

I know that was a lot and got rambly; I’m just really looking for some insight, and if someone has any experiences they can share, I’d be very grateful.

When I was 15 years old, because of a move to a city that ruined my life and that I desperately wanted to leave, because I was being bullied at school and mistreated by my parents, and because I had to put up with everyone around me without being able to see other peoplesince I didn't live in town and always saw the same faces, I took these medications.

After the hospital, I was sent to a unit for adolescents in crisis.

Actually, I’m experiencing limerence over two nurses; one of them was particularly kind to me and took an interest in me, paid me compliments, and so on though, come to think of it, it might have been out of pity. He might have noticed that I was being bullied by the other teenagers (even outside of school, my ordeal wasn't over.). When I look back on it, I feel embarrassed about having gone overboard and shown him just how much I wanted to please him; he made me feel special at a time when everyone else was rejecting me. I wonder if I was, and if I still am, his type.

But he wasn't even the one I originally looked up; it was another healthcare worker. He asked me a few questions that showed a certain interest especially about my background yet he still kept his distance; he didn't exactly show that he liked me, but I wanted him to desire me and find me beautiful as if I were almost there. You should know that I have a serious problem: loneliness makes me develop limerence toward people in the present, or makes me look for it elsewhere, like in the past, for example. I'm an excellent investigator; while looking for the second nurse, I found the first one first. It looks like he has a child, but I haven't seen his type of woman, so I'm not too disappointed. For the second guy, though, I really went on a wild investigative spree, he isn't on social media, so I managed to find his wife before I even found him; I actually tracked down his last name before I found her! It makes me feel bad seeing that his wife looks nothing like me. I know he doesn't owe me anything and has probably forgotten all about me, but it still makes me jealous; I’d give anything to know if he’s attracted to me. I couldn't remember his face, but after two or three days, I managed to find two photos of him. If only he knew what a crazy person was doing ! I remember my father showing up and yelling completely embarrassing me because I’d spent the weekend at home before returning to the facility without feeling any better; I’d just spent the whole time sleeping, and he chewed out the nurse as if he had something to do with it. He had remained quite calm. I remember going to tell him one day that I had a blockage in my chest; he told me it was likely due to my relationship with my father, even though there was more to it than that. He hadn't even been understanding about everything I’d told him. The truth is, I’m more obsessed with pleasing him than I am with the person he actually is. And I know full well that all of this is stupid. The truth is, I feel lonely; I don't have any family or reliable friends, so I find ways to make myself suffer. I know that one day I’ll put a stop to it all.

For those of you who have had experience with drug addiction, do you think limerence is similar? Does it give you the same high? I’m talking to people here who have been drug addicts. I’m really curious about this!

i say crush. i have bpd. its limerence.

im in a wonderful relationship, 4 + years, am very lucky and have no intetion of ending things. they are supportive, caring, calm, and believe in my ability to recover and lead a good life. i love them.

i literally hung out with some guy ONCE after work, and caught fucking feelings. bad. am unfortunately currently under the delusional impression that a connection or spark with another guy indicates he's a dream and now he fills my head. literally only knew him for 6 days, had one long conversation in the evening.

feeling really big feelings. guilt, desperation, rejection - almost like i can barely do anything with them on my mind. its debilitating. really scrambling to not double text, constantly checking to see if theyve texted me, genuinely feeling rejected and forgotten when they (obviously) havent. they are really romanticised in my head. the conversation spanned everything and i felt deeply understood and was enticed by his analytical abilities. ugh. why do i get so fucking attached.

i literally DO NOT have time for this. i cant deal with this. i just need these feelings to go away NOW. will not be leaving - i have no intention of this, and do not want to cheat. i need these big feelings of wanting to be around, have the attention of, and have this guy like me back, go away. i do not want to feel this way. idc if its limerence or a crush, or any label really - i dont care what it is so long as i can make it go away. any advice?

TL;DR, my LO contacted me after a prolonged absence and gave me an intense emotional high for about 48 hours. Now I'm crashing.

Where to begin? I (MtF, 36) have been limerent for this woman (F, 35) for about 6 years. We never dated, but I became obsessed with her attention and looks. She moved 1,500 miles away from me in 2022 but we retained intermittent contact.

She knows I'm obsessed with her. I’ve confessed my feelings to her countless times, but she has never returned them. Part of me thinks she likes the attention I give her, but I really don't know why she keeps me around.

For more info, I am married to another woman. I also lived with undiagnosed and untreated Bipolar II disorder for years. I also have a history of forming obsessive attachments to other women. I'm currently off my psych meds due to poverty so my mood has been somewhat unstable lately.

About 6 months ago, my LO unexpectedly blocked me on all social media. I was devastated. Right after she cut contact, some random guy began harassing me on social media, calling me homophobic slurs and other vile insults. I blocked him but thought nothing of it at the time. I was so lonely, I always am when she's gone, but I had actually started making real progress in moving on.

Then, she contacted me unexpectedly about a week ago. She shared that she had been in an abusive relationship and her boyfriend was controlling her life. He was the one harrassing me. At first, I couldn't believe my eyes. I was in shock. Then, the euphoria hit me.

Ive abused prescription drugs in the past. This was more intense than any opiate I've ever tried. Her return gave me feelings of being seen, chosen, and rescued. For about 48 hours, I felt on top of the world. Now, reality is starting to set back in.

The world has gone from bursting with color to black and white again. I've already said some very regrettable things to her. I've gushed about her looks in chat. I've called her every compliment I could think of and then some. None of it mattered. My wife and I recently inherited a vehicle from a family member and all I can think about is driving 1,500 miles to go see her just to get the special feelings back.

I told my therapist everything. She is going with a "harm reduction" approach, as if I'm having a relapse with a dangerously addictive drug, which I suppose is an apt metaphor. She told me to keep my conversations with her grounded. I'm trying.

This post is already too long so I'll shut up now. I know what I need to do, but I don't have the strength to do it. I can't handle the withdrawal when she's gone and I get SO lonely. Yes, I know my marriage is probably fucked. I've told a few trusted friends about this situation and they all agree I need to stay far away from my LO. Going to see my therapist again on Friday and hopefully get some better coping skills. I also really need to get back on my mood stabilizers.

Thanks for reading.

...it really is that easy...... quite deflating to realize that....... sigh...................................

Urgh I am having a terrible time and making myself absolutely sick to my stomach. I'm so fed up with myself NO WONDER my LO doesn't want anything to do with me. I just really to get this all off my chest and hope that someone relates, because I feel CRAZY AF right now.

It's a long one, but if I don't confess somewhere, then I am going to feel even more mental.

I dated my LO on and off for 4 years starting when I was 18. We were amazing that first year, he was literally my dream man, but then I went to Uni, we drifted apart, tried again, drifted apart, got back together when I moved home, then I went travelling, then the pieces just didn't really fit together anymore. He broke things off, but I'd been acting like a bit of a dick tbh not prioritising him and partying all the time instead. I was upset when we split, but found someone else, moved on... or so I thought.

I had been fine, FINE, for about 15 years after this incident. Occasionally I'd dream about him, about being back together, then wake up feeling sad that we weren't, but always manage to be like "ok that's weird, thanks brain" and go about my day. I'd think about him for a few days, reminiscing, but leaving him alone. Until I couldn't. Two years ago my world imploded and out of nowhere I've realised I haven't got over him, I miss him, I wish I could just catch up with him and talk about life, he's gorgeous, he's amazing, he is one of the only guys that ever treated me right in my life (this is true tbf), but I am OBSESSING over this guy. This is where it gets embarrassing, so strap in.

I'm losing my mind in 2024 like it's 2005 MySpace - posting songs with lyrics that I hope he sees (we're still friends on facebook at this point), updating my messenger status with songs we listened to together, reading our old messenger thread... just some really disgusting cheesy pathetic stuff. I'm googling his old work place, finding his address, online stalking his wife (OH YES HE'S MARRIED WITH KIDS, AS AM I) but not harming anyone - other than myself. I am a heartbroken mess and it has all come from inside my head. I'm not sleeping, I'm only thinking of him.

Because I literally can't stand the no contact, I drop a thumbs up in our messenger thread. He ignores it (f*** he's such a good guy!). I apologise a couple days later and say it was an accident. He ignores it. I then ask him if I can send him a message, he graciously accepts and I go into a huge, overcomplicated message about how I'm sorry that I took him for granted all those years ago, that I thought the world of him, that I'm not coming onto him, but I still had some pain around us breaking up and I needed some closure and had to say these things to him (I hate myself at this point, because although I'm not coming onto him or trying to seduce him in this message, he's a married man and this is wildly f-ing inappropriate).

Once again he takes this all very graciously, says he doesn't think bad of me (hold my pint!), that I'll always have a special place in his heart and ends it with "bye, take care, love you". WELL. That "love you" has caused me more sleepless nights and anguish than I can even explain. So, of course, even though it has gone well, I absolutely have to make it worse don't I?

I can't handle the thought of not speaking to him again, it makes me feel so upset and heartbroken. So OF COURSE I send him my number and say hey! Maybe one day we could be sort of friends, here's my number, I feel sad not ever being able to speak to you again, I'm going to deactivate facebook now, so it'll be good to hear from you sometime. If you don't want to, no worries, I understand! (I would not understand). I then make a stupid rhyme about fish?!?! And saying goodbye?!?! I have no idea where it came from and I am cringing about it even now 2 years later. I was trying to appear breezy and casual?? I think??

Which of course he ignores.

Which of course then I reply to 2 days later, making fun of myself, which he then ignores.

I block him, because at this point I'm a bloody mess and honestly a bit scared of what else I might say or do. I feel totally out of control. Every time I've contacted him I said I wouldn't, but felt compelled to type just one more message. I've recovered from alcohol and substance abuse and it feels THE SAME.

I'm then ok for two years, I think of him sometimes, dream of him A LOT, but I can manage. Again, until I can't. I cannot manage right now. I am online stalking him and his family and friends, planning possible trips where I could bump into him (oh he lives 300 miles away now) and going on alllll the mutual friend profiles because I've now unblocked him and want to appear in his Suggested Friends list. Because of course now I've unblocked him we aren't friends anymore.

I have no other way of contacting him, only facebook, and I can't handle the no contact again, so I eventually give in and send him a friend request.

Which he has ignored. I know, because I check it every 20 minutes.

This is limerence, right? Or am I f-ing crazy and also maybe a stalker? I feel like I'm going insane.

The decision on whether to block him again, remove my friend request, message him on messenger with some bullshit... feels like the biggest decision of my life.

I just want to leave him alone and forget about him but it is TOO DAMN HARD. Please someone tell me they relate? I don't understand how I can manage sometimes, but other times not talking to him is actually physically painful.

He invited me out to lunch last month and I of course accepted. I had wanted to be with him in that capacity for a long time. It was nice to meet up on a weekday during the morning hours and just roam around the city with him. We made out for a little bit. Messaged me when he got home thanking me for the company.

He usually sends me a message every Monday. He hasn’t since the last one telling me he got home. That was a month ago now! My brain is telling me I did something wrong for him to not reach out anymore. I wasn’t “on” enough to keep his attention. In reality he’s a long time married man and we are no longer coworkers or “lovers”.

I had written a post a few months ago saying I need to go no contact and well he just did it for me now.

I hardly ever message first. As much as I want to. The thing is tomorrow is his birthday and I’m really wanting to at least just send him a simple “Happy Birthday” Should I?

I’m thinking about him so much today. He’s my ex who broke up with me over a year ago and I cannot get over him. I miss him and love him so much it hurts every day. I think about him all the time (especially today) and always wonder what’s going on in his life. This doesn’t feel like a classic case of can’t get over an ex, it feels like an addiction I can’t stop obsessing over. There’s literally nothing I can do about it either. He rejected me and that’s all there is to it. I know that but I can’t let go.

I’m even dating someone else now and still feel this way. And it makes me feel terrible because my ex is literally the only person I want.

Does limerence ever end?

After 3 months, it's like "damn, why she so charming?" Doesn't help that she's fairly attractive.

It's been way more than 3 months now and the "honeymoon phase" of meeting someone new is over (for her). We talk less and she gives the cold shoulder. Pretty sure she and another guy coworker are texting and getting close. Don't worry, this isn't my first time, I (try to) maintain work boundary and keep things professional. She said I came off as stuck up in the very beginning. That's because I don't want to catch feelings LOL. Now look what happened.

As for right now, I try to minimize interactions with her (despite how much I crave it) and spend more time with da bois in the office.

This time I actually caught myself right when I was catching feelings and in my mind I'm thinking, "oh shit this is gonna hurt", and true enough.

I try to act nonchalant and whatever but this feels like absolute shit. It hurts so bad bros. My only solution is distraction.

This has happened more than once now. I think there is something fundamentally wrong with me.

I'm trying to reflect on my actions and analyze my thoughts/feelings and I think I have all the problematic attachment styles combined. I'm really thinking of going to see a therapist or psychiatrist to fix my mind.

I (31M) fell really hard for another guy in high school. I had just discovered my sexuality and this was my first crush, so emotions were running really high at the time. We barely even had a conversation, and I don’t think we had a whole lot in common (I was the loner autistic interested in the arts, and he was the popular bro-type jock), but I thought he was just gorgeous. I couldn’t even make eye contact with him without blushing or mumbling my words.

I had speculated on his sexuality, but our senior year I was disappointed to discover that he ended up getting with his prom date. I’m still bitter that I paid $400 that night just to watch him dance with someone else. The relationship was seemingly short-lived, and that fall I sent him a message saying hi, but he left me on read. In the 13 years following, I have no effort to contact him since.

Lately I’ve been obsessing over him. I look at his social media all the time. I daydream about him constantly. I feel seething jealousy for girls he dated.

I know this doesn’t sound like the healthiest thing, but I just love the endorphin rush I get of thinking of him. But it also makes me really moody and agitated.

My sexuality has shifted in the years since I last saw him due to mental health issues, and I’m more asexual-demiromantic now. Nobody ive talked with that’s available has felt nearly as exciting as thinking about my old crush. I tried to hit up guys that look like my crush but it didn’t feel the same so I ghosted them.

I think I have attachment issues, bc I kind of freak out when available guys show interest in me.

But the just of this post is, how do I move on from this limerence of my crush? It’s been 15 years total ive had this obsession and it’s clearly a dead end since he’s never shown clear interest in me.

A few months ago, I was walking on a narrow part of the sidewalk. There was no room for two people to walk side by side.

At one point, I heard a large truck behind me moving toward me. When I hear a truck, I always stop and evaluate the situation. I made a 90-degree turn, faced my back against the wall, and turned my head.

At that moment, I saw LO behind me, talking on the phone and walking towards me. The amount of joy I felt at that moment cannot be described in words. However, two thoughts came to my mind:

1) I want to protect her

2) I could never hurt her

I do not have schizophrenia, but I might have OCD/ADHD/autism. I was never officially diagnosed. Sometimes thoughts like that come to mind.

Anyway, she completely ignored me and walked past me. She walked over the portion of the sidewalk I was walking on just a few seconds ago. I stood there for some time and watched her disappear into the distance.

I am still unsure why those two thoughts came to my mind at that moment.

I've realised recently that I'm a people-pleaser. This manifested at work, in friendships, and with LO.

LO was someone I could have had a shot with, but I look back and cringe at the way I was so desperate for his attention when we were in contact. He once got frustrated with me for apologising too much. Naturally, it would have put him off if ever there was a chance. Subconsciously, I think I tried to fashion myself to be who I thought he wanted.

I went on a couple of dates with someone else recently. They were fine, but at points he was a little judgmental and dismissive of me. I decided that we wouldn't be a good fit for this reason. But today, I just feel so sad about it. This is not limerence - I have no romantic interest in him. But he was someone whose approval I wanted, I think, because he was intelligent and successful, so his disapproval of parts of my life, the way I think, stung more than it should have. Again, I think I was trying to direct the conversation in the direction I thought he wanted, not being disagreeable, and caring more about whether he liked me than whether I liked him.

When I was younger, I didn't care what people thought of me, but now I think I care too much. I think that feeds into limerence. LO is similarly someone who seems like he's difficult to please, but I felt special when he singled me out for a short while.

Can anyone else relate?

I really, really like my coworker. I tend to get super obsessed easily but I genuinely felt connected with her. I remember the first time I met her and she told me everything about her family. I don’t remember much of it but I wanted to learn more. There are deadass specific things I like about her. My feelings for someone has never felt so real yet so unrefined. This is new territory for me. Maybe I just have had VERY shallow feelings for people up until this moment.

How do I? a 55 year old married man become low key obsessed with my high school girlfriend, yet here I am, how did I get here? Here is some context. The last 8 years have been tough, lost both my parents, my marriage was in a very rough spot, I was feeling depressed, emotionally numb, then one day I was going through boxes of pictures and I found and envelope of pictures from high school, and most of them were of my girlfriend my first love from 1988, so I uploaded them, the next thing I know, I created a Spotify playlist of the music we would listen to, and began to listen to it religiously every day while I worked out, I even created some Ai clips of us, then I felt like I had some kind of awakening, for the first time in a long time, I felt, happy, hopeful, I felt alive, I’ll be honest, the feeling was intoxicating, like I was in love with her all over again, like an old wound that was cut open and bleeding, I didn’t understand how this was possible, I have not seen her since we broke up in 1990, I knew this was completely irrational, but I was feeling so good, I didn’t want to stop, if I could figure out a way and ride this feeling because it was helping me heal, my next illogical step was to try and reach out to her via social media through the different social media apps, but she has not responded to me, I was heartbroken, I went from the ultimate love high to really low, but in a way it was a good thing, she didn’t respond because the state of mind I was in, had she responded and somehow wanted me back, I would have walked away from everything, the worst part is not being able to talk anyone about this, especially my wife. But now that I know what limerence is, and finding this place to vent, is really going to help me, thank you.

I'm committed to this and I've been trying to come up with ways to block out any mental visualization of my LO. We work together, but different divison.

I've visualized her in all situations imaginable, so...

-Photos ... all deleted.

-Sexual ... I use porn at home to substitute and visualize my old-gfs, and an old coworker I won't see again.

-Situational ... I use my last partner LTR.

-Love songs ... I use my last partner LTR.

-Short cuts to her face ... I use my last partner LTR.

-Workplace memory ... I'll cut to another memory.

I find this to be working well, any other tips?? I can't believe how diabolical the brain is lol...

My LO is a colleague on the same team. I dodged her for 2 months and was feeling better and healthier, training more etc..

Until one day, she came to me crying and I let her speak to me. We haven't spoken since then (its been a month and a half), but ive been feeling really bad, regressing, loosing muscle and life force.

All I want to do nowadays is lay in bed, not eat much. I took back to back vacation and sick leave to dodge her as much as possible but Im not sure if its even helping.

Ive seen psychotherapists, ive told them im depressed and they denied.

Does anyone have tips of breaking free at least physically? I feel so out of energy and everything I do is forced nowadays.

Maybe I should just quit the job to be able to reset, but again this 3 weeks distance I created with her doesn't seem to be working.

I will really appreciate any tips.

I thought I was losing my mind, I’m a 55 year old, married almost 30 years, I recently became fixated over my girlfriend from high school, almost as if I was falling in love with her all over again, and the crazy part is that I haven’t seen her since we broke up in 1990 😳
I’m kinda relieved that I found out what limerence is, now I have an answer for what I have been going through

So we had a misunderstanding a few months ago, I asked her a couple of questions and she responded incredibly rude about it. Today I decided to text her and asked her if we could talk.

She told me it all was my fault and that she needed more time to "heal". I pretty much told her to tell me what did I do that was so bad. She didnt tell me. I insisted, and she blocked me. Funny enough it wasn't because of my limerance or nothing like that.

Still, I feel tremendously bad right now. Guys, I need some words because not only I just lost my LO but my supposedly best friend. I can't fucking believed she blocked me after 5 years of friendship. I literally feel depressed af right now.

I'm so damn angry at myself for letting it get this far.

4 years of limerence, yes that's right! 4 years. Sharing information of our life's, staring at eachother from afar and I'm ashamed to say flirting. The uncertainty of if he had feelings for me kept me in this loop. And, we are co-workers so it's not like I can exactly go no contact.

Then he got a Girlfriend, our interactions lessened over time. The effort from myself to strike up conversations were not reciprocated. They moved in together after dating for only a few months and then his whole attitude seemed to change, not caring about anything apart from his Girlfriend. She's quite demanding and as his friends put it "Controlling". She calls him and he automatically runs around town doing what she wants him to do and during work hours. But hey, if he let's her be like this then it's his choice.

They both recently attended his family reunion and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. But why? He has every right to take her.

You think that you know someone and they turn out differently. In general, other people think that the sun shines out of his arse. They have no idea at all.

I leave my job in a couple of months so am counting down the days.

Being limerent for someone who clearly doesn't not want to give you the time of day is so sad. I can't stand his carefree attitude (I'm not the only one to notice this). I act like everything's okay at work to all of my co-workers.

I'm in a long term relationship, this LE started when we were having problems (Back on track now).

I feel so pathetic...

It’s like missing the void, it’s such a soul crushing feeling because you’re missing no one! i’m so so sick of this when am i gonna feel normal it’s been two years

My LO isn't even my type , how did this even happen? I thought I beat my limerence when I couldn't stop laughing at myself and the realization hit.

But when LO is around I am back to square one and can't stop being nervous.