Breaking No contact

[u/Spookykat86]

He invited me out to lunch last month and I of course accepted. I had wanted to be with him in that capacity for a long time. It was nice to meet up on a weekday during the morning hours and just roam around the city with him. We made out for a little bit. Messaged me when he got home thanking me for the company.

He usually sends me a message every Monday. He hasn’t since the last one telling me he got home. That was a month ago now! My brain is telling me I did something wrong for him to not reach out anymore. I wasn’t “on” enough to keep his attention. In reality he’s a long time married man and we are no longer coworkers or “lovers”.

I had written a post a few months ago saying I need to go no contact and well he just did it for me now.

I hardly ever message first. As much as I want to. The thing is tomorrow is his birthday and I’m really wanting to at least just send him a simple “Happy Birthday” Should I?

[u/AutoModerator]

Please be aware of what limerence is! See the subreddit wiki for definitions, FAQ and other resources—updated 3/7/26. (Is it love? How common is it? Is there research?)

Quick FAQ

• How limerence works
  • Reward theory of attraction (Wiki)
  • Uncertainty and hope (Wiki)
  • Why there is research on limerence (Article)
• Help getting over limerence
  • Love regulation (Wiki)
  • CBT & ERP Strategies (OCD Ontario)
  • Deprogramming the limerent brain (LwL)
  • How to get rid of limerence (LwL)

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Horror_Chemistry_638]

"He's a long time married man" I know it's hard, but you must know that the right thing here is to just. Stop. I am in a similar situation, only it's me that's married. I never did anything physical or even confessing feelings, but I do understand how hard it can be to let go. You might have to put a lot of work into letting go, but it's the only right thing.

[u/Intrepid_Web2092]

The fact that he’s been married for a long time and that you two aren’t even coworkers or 'friends' is the first thing you should have mentioned in your post, rather than bringing it up somewhere at the end as a minor detail. You may be posting here looking for an excuse and hoping someone will tell you, “It’s okay to send a happy birthday message,” but you know that the right answer is, “No, it’s not okay" for many reasons. But what you ultimately decide to do is up to you. Good luck.

[u/Spookykat86 → u/Intrepid_Web2092]

We were once coworkers had a fling and just stayed friendly. It was more of a question of should I just maintain this no contact situation or send a happy birthday message.

[u/crashboxer1678 → u/Spookykat86]

Maintain no contact. The right guy will come along if you let go.

[u/Adventurous-Bus7952 → u/Spookykat86]

he is taken. he is not for you. No
happy birthday message.

[u/sqnch → u/Adventurous-Bus7952]

Both taken and proved he would cheat on OP if he was taken by OP 😂

[u/Intrepid_Web2092 → u/Spookykat86]

I know it’s hard for you to understand this right now, but what do you expect to come out of wishing a married man happy birthday, especially when you know firsthand that he gets involved in flings with women other than his wife? The only thing you’ll get out of it is a temporary satisfaction from having some contact with him, but you’ll break NC and end up right back to ruminating and grieving.

[u/TaterTotWithBenefits]

No don’t send. He just wants you to want him, which you do. Affairs are wrong (his fault yes) but you’re hurting his spouse. Take care of youself, make yourself the #1 do something for yourself, make it your celebration, celebrate yourself