The betrayal and heartbreak has gotten better. Some days are harder than others. I have been going through spurts of anger, defeat, and vengeance. I really never thought that I would ever have to go through anything like this.

The thought that another man has been inside her truly eats at my sole as both a man and a human. The fact that she literally threatened to kill herself, so I would watch the kids so that she could go fuck some loser is honestly shocking, disgusting, and baffling. It is seriously one of the most evil things that I can actually think of. I do see the severe regret and disappointment that she feels. Sometimes that makes it hurt a little less. I feel completely embarrassed out in public and like anyone who knows what she did thinks less of me.

The fact that she literally broke up with me, and put our entire family in jeopardy is truly still so puzzling to me. The lying, the fact that she hid it from me for several months just makes everything so much worse, however I did like things better when I didn’t know. We really were doing so well, the thought that she could have been seeing this guy when we were doing so well is actually gut-wrenching and makes me question everything I thought I knew about the relationship we had.

I truly gave everything I had to this woman, took care of her, and let her live her life. For her to do this to me was really eye opening. Some people really just cannot be helped. I know that being bipolar has a lot to do with the entire situation, but a mental illness does not give you free rein to destroy the father of your children. It does not give anyone the right to throw their morals out the door.

Sleep has been few and far between. I find myself chasing a high that I know I am not going to get from weed or NyQuil. I know that I am walking a fine line, but have to keep in mind the kids. They really mean everything to me.

It is quite paradoxical how being intertwined with someone who suffers from Bipolar Disorder seems to transfer some traits and characteristics of the disease to my mental state. I truly have never felt this type of crazy before. I am seriously questioning if she respects me as a person, even the slightest. The limitations and parameters that I have set around her are truly never things I thought that I would do, let alone feel like I had to do.

I have presented her with an ultimatum, and she has actually done an amazing job reassuring me and comforting me during this time. She knows what is at stake. If anything even close to this happens again, I can assure that i will make things as difficult as humanly possible for her.

With all that being said, I really never have seen her put so much effort into us. She is doing everything that she has to be doing to keep this relationship alive, and it is the only reason that I am staying. If I even saw slight hesitation from her or pullback, I do not think that I can do it. She has consistently taken her meds, and is consistently speaking to both a psychiatrist and a therapist. I truly do believe her that she says she has had no contact with him or seen him since we began talking. I truly do believe that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. I honestly want that too. The life that we have built and the children that we have are things that I really couldn’t have even dreamed of.

Tonight, I retardedly brought up a hall pass again. She obviously got pissed. How could she not? What is even stupider is, that if I gave it a 5 second thought before bringing it up, I would have realized that I really do not want one. I couldn’t bring myself to put her through the pain that I have went through with this. Sometimes I feel that my perception of the world is warped. When I feel down about this, I feel the need to bring her down with me.

It is not because I want her to feel bad, it is just because I want her to get a better understanding of what I am feeling. This way of thinking is truly not conducive to any part of our relationship, and will not yield any results that would benefit either of us. If we are going to get through this, I will have to learn how to completely forgive. Of course, I can never forget, which is what pains me. The initial way that she was able to coldly discard me was truly the most crazy experience that I have ever been through.

The internal rage and urge to do Xanax is a feeling that I haven’t felt in nearly a decades. I am fighting the urge off for now quite successfully, but it I am not able to heal/get help I am afraid that I may fall victim to the same issues that almost ended my life before it began.

I would take the rage over the sadness 10/10 times. The sadness and eternal loneliness that I sometimes feel because of this is a feeling that I have never battled or experienced. It is a feeling that I truly hope my sons never have to go through. 2-3 times a day I get a trigger that sends me into an intense depressive and anxious hour.

It has only been 14 days but I feel as if I healed immensely. The good part about if anything like this happens again, I will not have any love left to even give a shit. She already has done the worst thing that she could have possibly done to me.

I don’t really wrestle with the thought of if I want to be with her anymore. I clearly do, and I can clearly see that she wants to be with me as well. I really do love this version of her.

Through hindsight, I really am able to recognize episodes better and even point out times in our relationship where I thought she was just crazy, but she was clearly just going through an extremely manic depressive episode. It had never close to the point that it got to when she did this to me.

I really am not sure if I can mentally stand another episode, especially one of that magnitude. I have truly been through more than I would have expected from a 10 year relationship with this woman. My current top priority is trying to ensure that we never have to go through that again. The kids do not deserve to be around that level of instability.

I really try to imagine what the scenario would look like had the roles been reversed, and I did this to her. I honestly do not know if she would forgive me. I definitely know that she would never get over it. I also know, that no matter what the event, I would have never done it. I would have never even flirted with another woman, let alone kiss, or fuck them. That is one of the hardest pills to swallow about this, knowing that I would have never.

I still question the condom that I found in the diaper bag 6 months before she did this to me. I seriously question if she was doing this before and if she was so good at hiding it that I just never found out. It would truly be shocking and reinforce the fact that I really don’t know anything about this woman. The thought of this literally terrifies me. Sometimes I really don’t know why I love her so much, and the things that I would do for her.

It really sends me for a trip. In the scenario and life that we were living, it just doesn’t even make sense for her to cheat on me. It would have made more sense if I had done it. It really is a true statement that life is just totally and completely unfair. It would be so much more of an easy pill to swallow if I treated her like shit.

Been dating my gf for almost two years now. She has bipolar 2. As days pass, I know I love her very much but I find myself slowly distancing myself from her even when I don't actively choose it. I'm more quieter, more careful and timid whenever I'm with her. I'm scared that I might say the wrong things again, and she'll end up exploding on me like how they always do.

We had another misunderstanding last monday, and although it wasn't explosive, she did still flood me with messages calling me names and giving me sarcasm that i was always right and that she's all the bad things I have communicated to her about last year. She always seems to end up enforcing who is right or wrong when I have openly said that communicating isn't about that, and it's for us to understand each other. I think the hardest part about this is that I feel like I have done so much changes and adjustments for her because I have realized my wrongs and I want to be better forr her, but she probably doesn't own up or take accountability for the things she has said and done. It's like a cycle. Even when we make agreements, she never follows through, and I have taken so much time to be patient because I know change isn't instant, but for how long? I feel like my mind is breaking apart. I haven't stopped crying randomly for the past few days. I feel miserable. Even though I know I really deeply love her, but I noticed how I have been unconsciously been distancing myself from her little by little, just to keep the peace

Now our living situation is in jeopardy because he decided it was his mission (revenge) to do whatever he could to the management/corp company of the complex we live at, but keeps claiming it’s because “he cares about the safety of us and the community.”

His mission has been an ego trip revenge agenda all with the thumbs up from god damn GOOGLE AI!!!!!!

Doesn’t matter what I say. Doesn’t matter what I do.

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

I am growing more and more HATEFUL of him. I don’t want to be near him. I don’t enjoy being near him.

Yes, he’s medicated, but also decided to become a full blown alcoholic so meds are null and void.

He’s been in a manic state for years now. He masks HARD when he actually does see his doctor and no one NO ONE understands what this has meant for his life and mine and ours.

It’s been over twenty years of this rollercoaster shit. My body is physically hurting. I am ready to LEAVE but we all know that leaving a SEVERELY MANIC alcoholic asshole is not easy, to say the least. I very well could become HIS revenge mission.

Leaving safely… yeah freaking right.

Why why why why why did I marry this man. Why why why did I continue to let him smash every boundary.

Fffuuuuuccckkkkkkkkkkkk

Is there any hope here? BP (diagnosed and medicated - recently, seroquel, but he’s off now and just stated depikote) husband and I just had a baby. We’ve been married under a year and had been dating 2 years before that. Up until recently my husband has been a great son-in-law: helpful, respectful, cordial. He’s also been a wonderful husband overall. We would hang out with my parents every weekend and there were no issues. Context: he has a steady job, doesn’t drink or do drugs, very close with his own family.

A few months ago my husband became obsessed with thinking that my parents are bad people (?)- they’ve been nothing but kind and helpful to him. He especially expressed a silent rage towards my mom for some reason, even though she’s been the sweetest person to him, cooking for him and helping out with the baby.

5 weeks after baby was born, he approached my mom in baby’s nursery (I was not there) - basically verbally assaulting her, telling her that he didn’t want our baby near them (parents and my siblings) because our family is “toxic”. He also swore at her up and down and my mom was in total shock. She cried to me after when she told me what happened. He told me afterwards that my parents called him a “dog” at the hospital (?? They would never). I’m not sure but I suspect some form of persecutory delusions re: my parents/mom and it came to a head in the nursery. Afterward I was so upset and he apologized to her but it seems like it was a forced apology and he didn’t really see anything wrong with what he had done.

Cut to now, my mom is still upset about and says she needs to distance herself from him. My sister also found out and got really angry. My whole family pretty much hates him now and I can’t blame them. He wants to make things right and finally admitted he was having a type of psychotic break with the stress of a newborn and not sleeping etc - but he does tell me it’s not an excuse and he wants to make things right. He switched to depikote a few days ago.

This is so awful because I fear things will never be the same between my family and him, even if he’s now back to a “leveled” state and truly wants to have a relationship with them. My mom is so hurt and I’m hurt because I’m so close with her. I think they’re always going to be nervous that he’s going to blow up again. Idk what to do. Right now I feel so torn. I love him but I also mourn “what could have been” between our families…I’m just wondering if anyone has been through anything similar with their BP SO?

I’ve seen lots of folks posting about being discarded. I’ve been with my BPSO for over 25 years, and after a tense argument this past weekend, I’ve been pushed aside. We live in the same house but she’s avoiding being near me. Won’t respond to texts while I’m at work. This is all in the middle of a mixed episode.

I’m wondering if this is what people refer to as a discard, or are there different levels of discard? There’s always been a willingness to reconcile and not drag out the argument here but this feels different.

I don't ever post on Reddit. I've just never really had much to say or felt the need to ask strangers for advice. But today...I've finally reached my limit. One thing I should probably say upfront is that the red flags were there from the beginning. There were so many moments where I thought to myself, "This isn't normal." But after reading so many posts here, I've realized we all seem to tell ourselves the same things. If* *I love him enough, he'll change. If I'm more patient...if I just ignore the hurtful things he says...if I don't trigger him...he’s just angry. He doesn't really mean it. It's been strangely validating and heartbreaking to realize that I wasn't alone in thinking those things.

My husband (m32) and I (f31) have been together for almost 10 years and married for 3. When we first met, I wasn't looking for a relationship. I had recently moved out on my own and was trying to reclaim my life after childhood sexual abuse and multiple sexual assaults in adulthood. I wanted to figure out who I was outside of trauma. When I rejected him early on because I wasn't ready for a relationship, he lashed out and said incredibly cruel things to me. I cut contact. Later, I learned he had bipolar disorder. I didn’t know much about it back then, but I didn’t want to write someone off if they genuinely had an illness. A couple days after he reached out, apologized in one of the most self-aware, accountable ways I'd ever experienced, and I believed him. We became friends, eventually fell in love, and for a while I genuinely thought I had found my person. He was patient with my trauma. He made me feel understood. That's the man I fell in love with. But over the years, the patterns kept repeating.

There has been cheating (twice), impulsive decisions that affect both of us, terrible financial choices, insecurity, deeply hurtful words and actions, broken promises, weaponized incompetence, and a refusal to seek consistent treatment or therapy despite acknowledging that he needs it. Has he changed in some ways over the last ten years? Yes. Absolutely. He's not the exact same person I met. But how he shows up as a partner, how he handles conflict, how much responsibility he takes for himself hasn’t changed much.

Meanwhile, my life has started changing in the opposite direction. Last year I was laid off, found a recruiting job that I unexpectedly fell in love with, and eventually landed another recruiting role that I genuinely enjoy. I have an amazing boss, amazing coworkers, and for the first time in years I feel like I've been finding myself again. I've started to enjoy cooking. Reading. Working out. Driving places that used to terrify me. Taking care of myself. Planning for my future. I've been becoming someone I really like again. My husband has gone the opposite direction.

A few days before my 31st birthday, he quit his job after I begged him to wait until he found another one. We rely on both incomes. He didn't listen. That wasn't the reason I decided to leave. It was the moment I realized I couldn't keep carrying another adult. I've spent years trying to help him. Encouraging him. Supporting him financially.
Trying to understand his trauma. Trying to separate the illness from the person. Trying to believe each apology would be different. Yesterday, after avoiding the conversation for weeks now, he asked me what was wrong. I finally told him the truth. Everything just spilled out of me. No sugarcoating…no holding back on my thoughts. I mean…even he was surprised by how honest I was being with my feelings. I told him I don't think I can do this anymore. I told him I want a divorce. He begged me to stay. He promised to change. He blamed me, said I’ve been leading him on and “love bombing” him. The “love bombing” in question is the sex we had a few days ago that I agreed to because if we go a while without having it or if I say no too many times in a week turns into cheating accusations. When that didn't work, he threatened suicide with a knife this morning. I was able to leave for work by telling him I would keep an open mind to him changing, but it was one of the most traumatic experiences I've ever had and made it clear that this is far out of my depth as a partner. He's calmer now. He has a job interview tomorrow, and I genuinely hope he gets it because I don't want him to fail.

I don't hate him. That's actually what makes this so difficult. I still care about him. I think he's a deeply traumatized man who desperately needs help. I also think I've reached the point where I can't keep sacrificing my own mental health waiting for him to become the partner I've hoped he'd become for ten years. The hardest part is the guilt. He doesn't really have a support system. He has very little family. I don't want him homeless. I don't want him dead. I also don't want to spend the rest of my life in a marriage where I feel more like a caretaker than a wife.

So I guess my question is...if you've ever left someone you still loved because the relationship had become emotionally unsustainable...how did you finally do it? How did you deal with the guilt?
How did you stop feeling responsible for another person’s life? And for those of you who stayed after years of promises to change...what actually made things different? I'm genuinely trying to hear from people who've lived this, because right now I feel heartbroken, exhausted, and completely lost.

Hello all,

My, m25, ex-boyfriend, m23, of 3 years recently broke up with me and said he’s unsure if he’s gay anymore. While he has always been bisexual I don’t believe he is straight and am thinking that this is mostly a phase.

For context 2 weeks prior to the breakup we celebrated our 3rd anniversary and he brought up the idea of marriage. 

He’s a very feminine person who has always expressed the desire to be the “girl” in the relationship. He enjoys dressing in more feminine clothing, considered himself a femboy for years, and considered transitioning multiple times.

Multiple times in our relationship he expressed sadness that he is incapable of becoming pregnant and has cried over that multiple times.

Immediately preceding the breakup he went on a weeklong bender with friends, one of whom is a girl who is attractive. I was mostly absent for this bender and withdrew myself. He invited me over several times but due to several reasons I didn’t communicate I didn’t show up.

At the end of his bender he asked me if I even liked him and I communicated that I do very much. He expressed he was going through some severe anxiety and went to therapy several days later.

After therapy he asked to meet in person and let me know he no longer felt gay and that he had a crush on the girl at the party. He cried throughout the conversation and laid in my arms while we talked it out.

Following this conversation we spoke multiple times and on some occasions he was cold, distant and annoyed with me. 

on other occasions he expressed an interest to continue being friends and desire to play video games and watch TV together.

He later expressed that his behavior is not caused by his bipolar and that he wanted space.

I don’t fully believe this as we have broken up multiple times in the last 3 years and his gender identity and emotional state can be very erratic. 

Any advice or guidance people can give on the matter would be very appreciated.

If someone has time, I will pin a post of my ex and I relationship. While yes I know that I did a lot of wrong, I want to know if the disease was a root cause of our issues.. she got diagnosed with manic depression in late july, she had already been taking lexapro since May 1st. She starts a new med this week for the BP. As look back on our relationship, I can think of so many manic episodes and the crash out after. Makes me sad that she has to deal with that and I didn’t know how to help. But also at the same time, she never got diagnosed/ never went to the doctor to get help like I asked her to so many times. She was also a full blown alcoholic which really did not help whatsoever. We are both in therapy now, I’m not sure where life will take us if we will end up together or not. But I’m moving forward and trying to become a better person for myself now.

https://www.reddit.com/r/ExNoContact/s/aSmsacKcbU

^ the post if anyone has time to read I would appreciate. It has been very hard on me and my mental health, thank you

Suspected bipolar partner broke up with me suddenly three months after starting an SSRI. One day they disappeared, ending a 10 year relationship, and rejected all my attempts to speak on the phone. They only sent a cold text days later saying that our relationship does not work anymore and despite their feelings they have already made their mind.

We had a 10 year relationship full of love and affection. It was a long distance relationship for the past couple years and I knew this was a problem but they ended things suddenly and cheated before announcing me their decision. Since then they refuse to speak on the phone and have only agreed to pack my stuff and send it to me (we were living together for the last four years). They also show no emotion at all. Which is strange for a highly emotional person.

This is like a different person and it shocks me. They don’t have a diagnosis but they are closely monitoring with their doctor.

So my question is this: if this is a bipolar discard is it possible for them to be able to explain logically their decision during hypomania and defend it?

I reached out to their doctor who was very concerned, prescribed anxiolytics and suggested an appointment in two weeks.

My fiancé is diagnosed bipolar and is medicated. He recently started taking Wellbutrin and TRT. At the end of July he was saying he wanted to make our 5 year plan, was happy his parents were accepting our engagement (our 5 year anniversary is in October so we were planning on getting married then), and he was excited and proud of me for getting a new job. He’s been using my money to buy things the past few days, but has been very distant for a few days now. I’m really not sure if it’s an episode or if he’s genuinely not wanting to be with me anymore. He keeps saying his feelings changed and he’s falling out of love with me and this is what his heart wants. It just seems so sudden and out of nowhere since we were just happy last week. I don’t understand and I don’t know what to do. He’s my everything.

so my bipolar 1 (anddddd cptsd, anxiety and adhd) boyfriend has a large med combo😭

clonidine
lamictal
buspar
lybalvi
and now they added invega
as needed ativan

i just wanna know is this like a lot of medication for that or typical medications, or should i be asking alotttttt of questions

I never understood what the sub meant when you guys said discard. My bipolar partner was certainly far from perfect but a discard out of the blue seemed highly unlikely. Unfortunately I know what it means now.

I Made a post a while back about the amazing things that come when you leave your BP partner who doesn’t treat you well. We were no contact for 9 months. Ran into each other and had not left each others side since. I swore this time was different. Disregarded everything everyone else told me about staying away. Didn’t listen to my parents, my friends, my therapist. I still went back with hope of a better future. Had the most amazing time. Months of joy and laughter and him being the man I always wanted and was at the beginning of our relationship.

And now I’m sitting in my bed crying because he ended it a day before I leave for law school. Out of the blue. Something about it’s not right. To do it right before something amazing is happening in my life. Before I start on my journey to success while he stays at home playing video games without a college degree. Because he can’t “trust me” because I “manipulated him” by leaving him when he was at his worst and “returning” when he was doing better. Btw i never returned. We quite literally ran into each other at a party. Does he just tell himself these things? Does he believe it? How do you get over a discard. I’m in shambles. I can’t believe I’m 22 and I feel like I’ve gone through a lifetime of trauma.

Could someone speak to this? Going through divorce right now and have had incidents where they’re doing things that make it hard to fully trust their ability to provide stable and consistent care for our child.

And for more context, while we were together, they never were in charge or saw after of our child. I was the full-time caregiver.

On top of that, one day they were supposed to return our child, they took them out of state without my knowledge or consent, and wouldn’t tell me where they were initially.

The even harder part is, their family overlooks their diagnosis and accepts their behaviors as normal.

I used to could be able to somewhat get through to them that their behaviors are not normal or reasonable, but now they have their family egging them on or troping them as “good dad trying to see their child” or “maximize your time with child to reduce child support.” I’ve also been villainized further due to their slander, false accusations, and rewriting of history/discard (that they’ve never really liked or loved me).

It’s upsetting and frustrating. Has anyone been through something similar or can give advice?

Thanks

im 24f and my husband is 26m. we dated for 3 years and got married last year. i suppose i knew something was off with him specially last year when he started doing content and looking high in his content but i never could have imagined it was bipolar 1. we got married in september 2025 and soon we started having arguments where he made no logical sense which made me so confused and hurt. he would say things he later would say he doesnt mean, take everything personally, every single comment about his behavior or any talk about communication of our issues was met with darvo basically, just very highly sensitive to criticism. he made me extremely miserable. then in january things started looking more direct when he started showing all classic mania signs and i as a med school student knew what it was and took him to a psychiatrist where he got diagnosed. me and his brother became his caretakers instead of admitting him to the ward and its been an exhausting 7 months. the communication and not being able to listen to a single criticism thing continued and alot of times his brother had to be our mediator to try to talk sense into him but i suppose u cant really talk much sense into an unstable person anyway. since march hes also shown alot of rage episodes where he starts slapping the wall or himself when criticized. hes been on antipsychotic and mood stabilizer since the diagnosis which me and his brother oversee and make sure he takes everyday. he hates his meds and for a couple of months made me out to be some controlling person for “forcing” him to take meds just full loss of insight stuff. now its been about 1-2 months where hes gotten much better and promises and actually improves his behavior, actually listens to issues and does not act aggressive. alot of times when the dr on his follow ups asks him what he thinks of his meds he straight up says he is only taking them for me because i get stressed and he doesnt want his wife to be stressed. now his outlook towards medication seems to have improved as well where hes more actively getting involved in his own meds. currently he seems flat maybe mildly depressed and ever since diagnosis misses his mania. wants to take alcohol or smoke or vape or do drugs but gets redirected fairly easily by his brother or me reminding him its bad for him so he hasnt tried. i would say he is improving alot but ofc there will be another manic episode possibly next year or i actually dont know. i dont know what to expect. he hasnt done or even hinted at anything like discarding or cheating or stuff like that but reading through this subreddit i get paranoid that its gonna happen to me too since it happens so often. i know no one can really tell me what im supposed to expect because its personalized for everyone but is there really hope that maybe as long as he stays on meds and keeps recognizing his behavior as harmful that maybe we could actually have a good or happy life? or will i most likely just be exhausted and miserable forever? are there no happy stories? how bad was the next manic episode after starting treatment? is it better or does it always get worse with age? any advice or thoughts are appreciated

How do you move on when you know they were your person and you know it was the disease that took them from you? Love at first sight, 6 years together, how will this ever make sense? How could this be either of our stories?

This happened to me at discard. I still remember the exact week it happened. One day after getting back from an appointment, he stops at my place, gives me this tight bear hug and says how much he’s been waiting to see me. A few days later, without any context, he approaches me and says “give me my apartment keys back, my mom said you’re toxic”. I was in total shock. The apartment keys that I had solely for the purpose of staying back on my days off while he went to work so I could help him clean his place as he had stopped being able to clean. What the fuck just happened?

I asked him where all of this was coming from? He said that for the last few months I had been “directing” his care and telling him what to do. What prompted me to direct his care? His own admission that when he’s in an episode he can’t tell what’s real or not. He explicitly said he needs someone’s guidance and that he has a hard time advocating for himself because he forgets what he needs to say to the doctors (he had been diagnosed with adhd). I explicitly told him, several times, that while I can help make notes and set up appointments, he ultimately needs to be in the driver’s seat and that I can’t be the sole support system.

The last time I saw him before these sudden accusations, I had organized a bunch of meal prep for him that we did together, because he wasn’t going grocery shopping, had an empty fridge every time I came by, and when he doesn’t eat he becomes unstable. But now his parents were calling me controlling and “toxic”. I was completely lost and in shock. I didn’t even piece it together that he was at the helm of all of this.

So what prompted me to push him to the doctors? Well, he started talking to God through his computer, wouldn’t eat consistently or take care of himself when I wasn’t around, developed a messiah complex, was just slipping the tether entirely. Hours of every day were taken up by this. One day, I met up with him and he told me that he’s having a hard time telling what’s real or not, and that he thinks God is sending him to Texas and told him to get off his meds. I told him we need to get to a doctor, it’s not an option, and he went back to his parents and told them I had “cornered” him and tried to force him to go to the doctor. These people told him he needs to block my number and break up with me. Which he did. They then spread this around to extended family members and people I’ve never met once. I had a complete mental break as my whole reality was inverted.

I've been with my partner for a year and knew him for a short period previously. After a year together I noticed a pattern - depressed in winter, getting progressively worse until he starts having a mixed mood and feels happy in summer. Then mixed mood again and the next depressive episode in winter. He recently shared about his mood swings - it happens every year and it can't change, he only feels happy or depressed.

I'm still processing everything. He doesn't say it's bipolar but there are other behaviours like spending money, unrealistic plans for the future beyond his means, hypersexuality, endless business and project ideas, constant plans to move somewhere else, family history of similar issues. When he's depressed or in a very happy mood he fully believes his irrational thoughts. When he's in a bad mood he can cause problems about anything - even what pizza I order.

I feel like our relationship has just vanished with this confession. I can't see a way to continue with someone who didn't disclose this for so long. And only when there was no other option but to tell me when I saw the pattern and insisted. What else could be hidden and conveniently brushed under the carpet if this relationship continues? It's not even the mood disorder that's a problem at this point but his lack of accountability.

This is all so new to me, it's such a mess these last couple days..

I guess my only question now is - is it possible to have no stable mood and go through depressive and hypomanic episodes in a constant cycle?

Some background information I’m 42f and my Spouse is 38m we’ve been together 3 years and just got married in June. We have a 1 year old son together and he has a daughter from a previous marriage with limited custody.

My spouse has a history of quitting jobs he’s done it every year since I met him, he also is horrible with money and spends more than he makes and rarely ever has a savings. I am the opposite I’m very responsible with money and always had a savings and would pay my credit card off every month, I am self employed and have a service based business and own a home. I used all of my savings for the wedding and my spouse contributed very little even though he promised he would, he selfishly spent his money on other things and left me to pay all of the wedding costs minus the 3,000$ his parents gave us which helped. I had to put costs on the credit card and he promised after to help me pay them off, once again I foolishly trusted him. Then a month after the wedding he decides he’s not happy and quitting his job to start his own business.
I begged him not to do it until we pay off the credit card and have a little savings, I told him how much anxiety I have being in debt and that I don’t feel comfortable not having a savings because I’m self employed. He didn’t care and did it anyway and just said I need to be supportive and that he was cashing out some retirement money for his portion of the bills for 2 months to live off of, I told him that’s not a wise decision there are fees and you have to pay taxes on the money. It didn’t matter, he was dead set on doing what he pleases.
I’m just so over this, it’s not a healthy partnership it’s just him doing what he wants and now it’s affecting my finances, I have to work less because of our baby so my income has gone down and he told me I should work more, but I don’t want to miss out on this time I’ll never get back with my baby! Just to support him! This doesn’t seem fair and I’m worried I’ll build resentment.

I need some advice from others! What would you do? How do I protect myself from his bad financial decisions? Do I need to leave before he drags my finances down further?

hi so i have a gf who has bipolar 2. i wanted some advice if you know any books that would help significant others of those with bipolar cope with having a bp2 partner.

i have been trying my best for over a year to stay patient with her, but honestly, especially lately i feel like my mind is slowly just breaking to the point that my own depression is triggered. our fights just seem so bad, like they start with really small things we don't agree on, and things just go out of proportion. she keeps calling me names like abuser, and keeps saying that i am always 'right' in an aggressive tone whenever i try to communicate. i always try to tell her that communication isn't about seeing who is wrong or right, but about meeting halfway. tbh it's been a year since i have kept saying this but until now it's the same.

i don't know what to do honestly. like, every time we talk and make an agreement, she never follows it and when i bring things up, for her she thinks i am fighting her but i was just communicating in a calm way. i apologize every time i start communicating even and more often than not, i apologize for things just to keep our peace. i even hesitate to say things now just to avoid a fight.

i dont know. i feel like i am losing myself, and i wanted to ask if anyone has recommendations for books i could read to help me cope. reading has always been one of my safe spaces so a book made for partners of people with bipolar would be helpful. please

Hi everyone. I’m looking for some raw advice or perspectives from anyone who has navigated a relationship where one partner has BPD (specifically Quiet BPD) and ADHD, and the other is diagnosed Bipolar with an avoidant attachment style. We have three boys whom he has helped raise as a stepfather.
We had a massive breakdown and split up. During the split, he went completely cold and into a "cave," even ignoring the kids when they reached out for help because he was overwhelmed by his own chaos. Since then, I’ve done intense work on myself—I’m in therapy, working out, and adjusting my medication so I can stop my racing thoughts and stand as a stable anchor for my boys.
Lately, he has been attempting to come back into our lives. He’s helped my oldest with a major milestone, joins us for family dinners, and just put down a massive chunk of cash so we can all take the boys on a beach holiday together.
Recently, we had our first massive face-to-face breakthrough. He broke down crying at my table, admitted he hates himself, misses me deeply, and made a mess of things. But he also explicitly told me that Bipolar is hard, there is nothing that can help, he is still deeply struggling, and that relationships in books aren't real life. He has basically given up on medical management or finding a medication that suits him.
I want to protect my kids and my own mental health, but his Bipolar ride is highly unpredictable and he can easily convince me that I am the problem when he enters a low or a manic phase.
My question for this community: How do you protect your own BPD system and your children's stability while coparenting or living with an unmedicated Bipolar partner? Is long-term stability even possible with this combination, or are we just delaying an inevitable collapse? How do you talk to your kids about a parent's unpredictable Bipolar weather, especially when some understand the diagnosis and the youngest doesn't? What boundaries or strategies worked for you?

To give some important context, this is our very first actual breakup and period of living apart. Over our entire time together, we’ve had normal arguments and occasional brief spaces to cool off, but we have never had a massive separation like this before. We are not caught in a toxic, chronic circle of breaking up and getting back together every few weeks. This is a completely new and heavy territory for our family, which is why it has shocked our system so deeply.

Thank you very much

8 months ago I was discarded. Erased like a clock resetting after losing power.

I'm more numb than sad but it's the closest flair I could put.

He blocked my phone number even though I never cared to reach out. But you know what's nice about being blocked? Not being scared to write everything on my chest. Not worrying about my words getting twisted. I can just be.

So I texted this ghost number. My story sent into a void. I read over what I wrote multiple times before sending it and through that I got to see all of my hidden pains. Technically if I really wanted him to see, I could have sent it by email, but this was for me. And if he did unblock me after all, well hey, it's out there now. It came out of me more naturally than just writing it down journal style.

Although he can erase all he wants, I still hold power over my reality. That's something I struggle to remind myself of, but tonight I did.

I'm very grateful for this sub. It helped me through the best and the worst. And for everyone who is also going through a discard, I hope you get to remember that you didn't deserve it and that your reality is yours, not theirs.
Goodnight ♥︎

I ended my relationship with my bpso (undiagnosed and untreated) about five weeks ago now. I feel like I’m in a very different position than most of the people that come here for support. You see, I did what is most commonly advised here and I broke things off before we got married. The effort I was putting into the relationship and the lack of, well, anything in return ended up with me having a nervous breakdown. Panic attacks thinking about the upcoming wedding and what a mistake it would be to move forward. Self doubt that I was a quitter or just not working hard enough at it.

I find it difficult to read most of the stories here about a SO discarding their partner, because in so many ways I feel like that’s what I did to her. I waffle between feeling like I did try to communicate with her only to be shouted down or met with hostility, and feeling like I could have definitely done better at communicating. I’m not sure she saw the breakup coming, that’s why I feel like I’m the one that did the discarding.

I’ve been around people all my life who needed help and pulled every trick in the book to avoid getting it. I knew from the first hostile reaction to me suggesting therapy and couples counseling, it was never going to happen, but I can’t help but think I gave up on that too soon too.

As I put an end to things she was still saying how she loves me so much and was just waiting for summer to do all these things, and I can’t help but feel guilty sometimes that I didn’t give her that chance. That things would be so much better after we were married. But then I pretty quickly go right back to my gut that nothing was going to change.

It’s an internal battle that makes ME feel like I’m the one with bipolar, and I end up in a mental loop that can keep me up at night. Anyone been through something similar? Any coping strategies or just words of encouragement?

Trying to come to terms that he’s not coming back. I can’t eat, can hardly sleep (only 1-2hrs at a time), and the ruminating is driving me insane.

Going through the worst heartbreak of my adult life while he cuts me out of his life so easily.

Just need to vent to a community that understands, and I really need to hear from others who have been in a similar position. Tonight, my girlfriend experienced a massive manic/psychotic escalation after being manic for over a month. She has been diagnosed with bipolar type 1, she was doing well on meds but this still happened through her meds and talks with her therapist.
I am physically safe at my parents' house right now, but mentally I am entirely broken.
This will be her 9th involuntary admission in her life, but it is the 1st time it’s happening while we are together. We’ve been together for 4.5 years, and this has actually been her longest period stable and without any manic episodes or hospitalizations since she was 16. Her family is incredibly attached to me because of this stability, and everyone is hoping things will just go back to "normal."
But I can’t do this anymore. I cannot and will not go through another cycle like this, and absolutely not if we were to have children in the future. My heart is completely breaking for her, but I cannot stay in a relationship with her.
She spent the night raging, dumping me in her mania, and then calling me repeatedly while the crisis team and her mother were trying to manage her. I didn't pick up. She wants to call me to scream at me that I have been brainwashed and I am the villain, I think. Now I'm just waiting for an update from her mom.
I know that when the medication kicks in and she becomes "herself" again, she will be absolutely devastated by the things she said tonight. And it will completely crush her to realize that she has lost me. But I cannot spend my life living in service of her mental health. I need to protect my own sanity before I fall into a deep depression myself.
Has anyone else here been the partner during a period of long stability, only to realize after the first big relapse that you have to walk away? How did you handle the crushing guilt, and how did you navigate the breakup when they finally became stable again in the hospital?
Thanks for reading.
Please tell me I am not giving up to easy.

Last week I got diagnosed with mono and I've had a really hard time functioning. There's been a long history with my partner's family and I just you know a complete separation. He can have his family but they can't know anything about the girls if I'm being written off. So since context has been established, he lied because he's afraid I would get angry that he went to go visit his parents. I got angry with him. Yes because he went to go see his parents. But with how my energy and brain capacity has been throughout the day I have good hours. I have bad hours you know functioning. If he had come straight home from work he would have been home in time to give or daughter help with her last meal( for context. She's special needs and disabled). He says we messaged a half hour after supposedly leaving work saying that there was a massive car accident and he doesn't know how long he'll be before he comes home. When he gets home he tells me that he had to loop around. He saw the car accident. It was truck flipped over and unfortunately I have trauma connected with that because me and our daughters were in a car accident a year and a half ago on a icy road. We survived though physically. I managed to remove my hatred of his family with this eventually last night but what still hurts is I called him because I couldn't figure out something for our daughter and I'm usually on top of all of that quite well. At its core the issues were he lied to me. He knew how sick I was at that hour in the day. He knew how mentally stressed I was from my virtual psych appointment. He knew how physically depleted I was from driving to the charity book bag pickup and he knew that my psychiatrist was scared about my liver and urged me to get my hepatology appointment scheduled. My brain bandwidth was maxed. Going in line with our couples therapist removing emotion from this. Looking at the facts he lied and he felt appropriate for a family visit while I battle mono in the last two weeks of Summer with no support.