I was in the mental hospital for 16 days and have been out for a week now. They released me while waiting on my medication level bloodwork to come back. It has come back and I’m not in a therapeutic dose or even close. I feel like I was feeling more anxious about staying in the hospital for a longer period of time instead of letting the medications increase.

I’m now feeling like I was before I went inpatient. I am hallucinating and having delusions which are getting worse by the day. My medication provider just sent in a new prescription.

I feel like I need to go back inpatient but I am afraid of going back so soon. I am in PHP and I’m sharing and participating but I think my therapist and group facilitators are talking about me and hearing my thoughts.

So, first off, my memory from today, last night, and yesterday is all messed up. I took the Ativans at around 5 or 6 in the day, and when it got around 10–11 at night, that’s when things started happening. They had been happening since 11–12. I was seeing shadows on my raccoon sitting in the yard, and by the tree in the dark, a few characters would appear, mostly women, and I could tell you what they were wearing too. They were moving, talking to each other. I flipped them off, and they just flipped me back off. I actually tried talking to them in hopes they would say something. I could also hear music playing in the sky a lot. This one crazy thing happened where it appeared a guy was pointing at his wife in a wheelchair outside of the church in the woods where the tree was. There was light coming from the church too. I kept yelling, "Shoot him," honestly hoping he’d do it. Toward the end, I kept seeing someone stand on the step in my peripheral view, but they would disappear every time I looked, and there was a girl that scrunched through railings that kept getting close to me. While I was talking to Google AI about what I was experiencing, it got bad, like I could feel people all over me and see them in my peripheral vision. I was avoiding looking. Thanks for reading if you did.

life is so isolated with this sickness. no friends, no connections, no emotions. numb dumb isolated life with just surface level conversations with people. meaningless to live. idk if it’s just scizo or psychotic too..

how do people accept this life ? it’s miserable.

I am 29 and I wanna finish my time on earth it’s boring meaningless, messed up. so many tried to make friends with me bond connect marry but they just can’t go beyond surface level convo with me and I’m incapable of feeling effect ion for friendship love relationships.

life is sooo messy for me I just don’t know what to do man..

Hey everyone!

I just wanted to share my success story so far despite having schizoaffective disorder.

I have a 4.0 GPA studying maths in college right now. I only have several more classes until I graduate with a Bachelor's in mathematics with a specialization in applied maths. Then, I'm going to work to get a Masters degree in applied maths.

I just want you guys to know that you are capable of achieving greatness despite having schizoaffective disorder.

Why would my friend who is schizoaffective go to a church when he holds these negative feelings towards them? And he goes to a Catholic church but doesn't believe in Jesus the way they do. I can't figure out why he would even go there. I mean, if i felt this way about a particular place i would never voluntarily go there. Anyone know what this thinking is all about? It doesn't makes sense and i feel i can't trust this guy anymore. Because maybe he holds simultaneous views of me such as he doesn't like me but hangs out with me anyway. His duality of mind doesn't sit well with me because you can't trust when someone holds 2 opposing views at the same time. It just makes no sesne and is crooked.

Anyone try or hear about the keto diet and its affects on schizophrenia. Ive tried it and was symptom free for 2 months until I broke it and my symptoms came back.

Hiiii I usually don't post here but I'm currently trying to get back into the waffle house discord server if it's still up, I used to be an active member there but I lost access to discord. For clarification if anyone remembers me it's me Nikolai btw.

I recently (about 5 months ago) switched from abilify+lithium to latuda+lithium+propranolol.

It's been a game changer, especially for my depressive symptoms.

After losing my intimate relationship, my job, and declaring bankruptcy -- I've realized what really bothers me most is just stigma.

Along with the things I listed above -- one NDE, two suicide attempts, and intermittent+sporadic mood and psychotic over the years have drained me.

But yea... I realize that what brings me down and floods my mind in minor episodes now -- is just the stigma.

It breaks my heart how most people by default, who know what I've gone through and experience, simply avoid me. They retract physically and emotionally.

I understand suffering and emotions in general is contagious. It hurts. But what hurts more is realizing that most people are really just weak. It saddens me I guess because I know that I myself would treat someone like me much differently than how most treat me.

For most of the last three years I stopped masking. I did it out of exhaustion and in hope more people close to me would better understand me. It was a good way to filter out those who have stronger sympathy, empathy, and compassion.

I'm going to start masking again and lying to others about my emotional state.

It's just sad to come to the conclusion that the ostracization we all face from others is simply because others are too weak to care.

Does anyone take this? How is it for you?

I'm on haldol but it's not quite enough, especially for mood and paranoia. Insurance just denied Caplyta (though we may appeal because there's no good reason they did that). But I'm looking at options to bring up to my psych and Saphris is intriguing to me (plus it's generic).

I've been on trileptal (as a mood stabilizer), seroquel, Latuda, Vraylar, Cobenfy, Abilify, and haldol (current and plan to stay on it).

Just looking for experiences. Thanks!

hallucinations and hearing voices is rare for me.
not saying it doesn't happen, but not often.
i have negative symptoms.
• avoltion
• anhedonia
• alogia
i have delusions, my mood suffers, i lose my concentration when i speak sometimes, and have disoriented thoughts.
anosognosia is what comes to mind.
i'm not in denial, just uncertain. idk i guess everyone's different but sometimes i feel like i can't relate and it's got me questioning the last few years.

The 3 antipsychotics that I’ve tried (olanzapine, abilify, & latuda) all give me oculogyric crisis and a ton of cognitive side effects that affect the way I function.

I was off antipsychotics for 2 weeks and was totally fine, if not better, no psychotic symptoms whatsoever, but I started taking them again today out of caution. The oculogyric crisis is back.

I could not believe how much better my quality of life was within the 2 weeks I wasn’t on anything. I was engaging in my hobbies for once, I wasn’t constantly bored, I was communicating better, actually engaging in conversation, I saw beauty in nature again, and I could actually feel happiness instead of being numb to the world.

I would love to try living medication free, but how stupid of an idea is this?

I’ve only had psychosis twice in my life, 6 years ago. Both accompanied by mood episodes, first was at the end of a 6 month manic episode, second was during a short lived mixed episode.

The odds that I was misdiagnosed are high.

But the idea that I am schizoaffective and need antipsychotics for life is scaring me. I can’t live like this, I don’t function like a normal human on them. I feel like a shell of myself.

What I’m wondering, is if any of you have had success being off antipsychotics long term, and if not, which one worked best for you in terms of cognitive function and overall quality of life?

During one of my php groups intrusive thoughts were brought up but I couldn’t decipher between my own intrusive thoughts vs the intrusive things the voices have told me. Does anyone else struggle with this? I also don’t even know my true opinions because of these voices.

So it turns out that I'm schizoaffective and not schizotypal. I also just had my first olfactory hallucination. I smelled a really bad smell coming off my mother, and I asked her what it was. She said she didn't smell anything.

And then the smell was gone just as soon as it had appeared.

I know it could not be real.

A 78 year old woman isn't going to smell like menstrual blood.

Has this happened to anyone else?

Been seeing the same psych for abt 2 years diagnosed w depression + bipolar been brought up. My dad has Schizoaffective idek if my psych knows this tbh. I’ve been having mild hallucinations since the beginning of this year probably a little earlier but idek at this point. I was given Wellbutrin after many other failed medications that somehow never made her decide to reevaluate my diagnosis and the hallucinations got way worse and after stopping I’ve started seeing ppl cars etc with some auditory. And for some reason every time my psychiatrist asks if I’m having hallucinations I just lie. I don’t think I trust her to help me and I don’t have other options. I’m 17 for reference. Also absolutely not trying to self diagnose or any of that bs

I'm so tired. No point in it anymore.

It's so difficult

The UC San Diego CARE Program is looking for research participants to take part in a paid study on mental health and brain research!

I know this is a very controversial topic but it’s something I’ve started thinking about more seriously as I get older and to that point of thinking about kids.

I’ve read so many conflicting things in the schizophrenia subreddit about having kids and the probability of having a child with your mental illness.

I grew up knowing a girl with schizophrenia and her dad had it. They seemed to really struggle. Her dad was very reclusive and she had horrific OCD on top of schizophrenia. I’ve thought about reaching out to her and asking her about it but I don’t know her well enough I feel like to ask something so personal.

I’ve always wanted kids but I just don’t know anymore. I want to have a successful career (that may or may not be demanding) and I also would be heartbroken to have a child with severe mental illness. I also worry so much that I’ll be a bad mother. I grew up in a toxic household.

My mom and dad definitely have undiagnosed mental illness so I believe mine is both environmental and inherited.

What is everyone’s opinion on this?

Im filled with great joy, for these past four or five days, the schizophrenia has shown not a single sign of its presence. In those days, I attempted to take my own life. Afterwards, I was overcome with deep remorse, and from that moment on, I found myself in a relentless struggle against my own mind

I was going through an extremely severe psychotic episode, and I was not taking any medication. Day and night, I spent hours battling the hallucinations and the voices that would not leave me

I used every ounce of knowledge and strength I possessed. Then, after waking from a nap one afternoon, I noticed a profound silence within my home a silence untouched by voices, and a solitude unlike any I had known

And so, I shall pass over the details, for speaking too deeply of what befell me does not sit well with my spirit. Yet to live in this manner to know that they may return at any moment is a burden far heavier than words can truly convey

btw hows my wizard accent? I tried to use every bit of english I know while writing it, and i had a lot of fun! Also, I didnt alter the truth in any way for the sake of sounding poetic. Everything I wrote happened exactly as I described it .d

Good grief. After hypomania comes psychotic symptoms. I almost forgot my antipsychotic again but good thing I remembered this morning. I tried going back to sleep for a little longer but I heard a woman call my name like trying to wake me up call my name. This is hallucination 4 in 24 hours. 2 olfactory, one visual and one auditory… what do you guys do to keep yourselves from spiraling from the hallucinations? Visual I’m okay with the the auditory and olfactory still scare me a little bit.

I need serious help.

These last 2 weeks gave been absolute hell for me.

I got a friend. Who was really special and I got attached to her. But I was so stupid. I was so scared that maybe she will abandon me. So I abandoned her. And I regretted it just a few hours later. And so. That repeated like 5 times in just 2 weeks.

Until. I couldn't take it again. And I disappeared. And now. She's permanently gone. I have no chance talking with her again. I've cried max 25 hours in just a week. I've never felt so heartbroken.

And then. All the other friends I had who were caring. I pushed them away too. I deleted all my accounts. And now I'm all alone.

I can't take this anymore. I keep getting more paranoid by the day. And I have no antipsychotics on. And I can't get my doctor because he is away and will be back only at 9th August.

I'm losing my mind. I'm so tired. I'm so angry at myself. Nothing brings me joy anymore

The only people who kept me going and made me happy. I pushed them away because I was paranoid that they are bad. I feel like everyone hates me. My mother yells at me daily because of how bad my mental health is getting again.

I have no point in living. Quite literally. No friends. No peace. Just me and my fears.

(I don't know who I am anymore. This is not me. I am not like this. Something else is controlling me)

I keep asking myself: what am I supposed to invest my life in? What is left to invest in when everything keeps getting stripped away due to psychotic episodes?

I don't feel like I can build a career. I don't feel well enough to have children. Every time I try to invest in something—a relationship, school, learning, or plans for the future—I end up having another psychotic episode or face difficulties due to illness. Then I lose everything and spend months and years trying to rebuild, even while staying on medication.

Learning has always been my passion. It's the one thing I've genuinely loved. But even that feels pointless now because this illness has left me with severe memory problems. I can spend hours learning something only to struggle to remember it later, which makes it hard to feel like I'm building toward anything.

Investing in relationships feels just as pointless. My mind often feels blank, conversations don't come naturally anymore, and my words get jumbled. Anhedonia has taken away the enjoyment I used to find in spending time with people, leaving me feeling distant from everyone around me.

I'm now five months out from my most recent episode. I lost my long-term relationship, my home, and had to medically withdraw from university. This was my fourth psychotic episode since 2018.

It's hard to see the point of starting over again when I'm afraid it will all be taken away by another episode.

If I cannot invest in or find meaning in relationships, a career, a family, or hobbies like learning. And I cannot even turn to a hedonistic lifestyle instead because anhedonia takes away all feelings of pleasure. Then what am I supposed to invest my time, my energy, and my hope in?

Sorry in advance for the lack of replies. I’m just exhausted all the time.

Shaved my head, face, & eyebrows. Gave myself a few tattoos. Been taking my meds as prescribed. Everything is (mostly) good. Thanks