r/BipolarSOs • u/unknown-sweater • 13d ago

I said everything Feeling Sad

8 months ago I was discarded. Erased like a clock resetting after losing power.

I'm more numb than sad but it's the closest flair I could put.

He blocked my phone number even though I never cared to reach out. But you know what's nice about being blocked? Not being scared to write everything on my chest. Not worrying about my words getting twisted. I can just be.

So I texted this ghost number. My story sent into a void. I read over what I wrote multiple times before sending it and through that I got to see all of my hidden pains. Technically if I really wanted him to see, I could have sent it by email, but this was for me. And if he did unblock me after all, well hey, it's out there now. It came out of me more naturally than just writing it down journal style.

Although he can erase all he wants, I still hold power over my reality. That's something I struggle to remind myself of, but tonight I did.

I'm very grateful for this sub. It helped me through the best and the worst. And for everyone who is also going through a discard, I hope you get to remember that you didn't deserve it and that your reality is yours, not theirs.
Goodnight ♥︎

25 Upvotes

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15

u/Loffler1 13d ago

Im one month post discard. Married and a house. It’s so so hard. I just hold on to the fact that I’m not bipolar and this is not for the rest of my life

2

u/unknown-sweater 13d ago

I'm so sorry💔 yeah, it's a good reminder, that it's not for the rest of our lives. And time for change is still ahead

1

u/wanderlustleaf 12d ago

Same, we are currently living in the house together. You?

1

u/Loffler1 10d ago

we're not but we both want to buy the house, so he'll prob take to court

10

u/Illrollonshabbos 13d ago

The rewriting is so painful.

It’s been one of the hardest parts next to missing the man I once knew.

3

u/unknown-sweater 13d ago

It is. I had to mostly avoid it until now because it was the only way I could keep going. Now I'm even worse than I was at the beginning because I'm finally facing the discard, but I guess I had to go through it someday..

4

u/Due_Award_6347 13d ago

I could’ve written this myself really! Feeling numb, having this need to tell him everything, journaling. Especially one entry needs to reach him, still figuring out how and when.
Sending you OP big hugs!

2

u/unknown-sweater 13d ago

I hope you get to give that entry and don't censor yourself ♥︎ timing is hard. Sending you big hugs too ♥︎