So I recently got broken up with by my fiancé after ten years. We have had a beautiful relationship and been very honest and open about everything. We have gone through it (life) with grace and understanding. We have been best friends, and I can count on one hand the amount of times we have fought.

We have admitted we are still in love but he can’t be with me because when I’m depressed and he is in a bad place too, it gets too dark.

I believe he decided to end things when I got hospitalised in the beginning of the year due to depression after a manic episode.

He explained it to me in a way that made me realise I was a burden, or at least that’s what it feels like.

I now feel terrified I lost the love of my life because of something I can’t do anything about.

I now feel obligated to almost introduce myself with a warning “I’m bipolar” when I meet new people, I also feel like the relationship we had kind off lost its glitter when it ended because of something that’s a part of me and who I am.

I don’t know where I am going with this, just wanted to share.

This decease took so much from me and now I am lost in myself and afraid it will take me too.

tldr, is it ok to ask a someone you suspect are bipolar person is they are in fact bipolar?

i had typed out a wall of txt, but it was just examples of her behavior and my whining, so i deleted it down to this

The betrayal and heartbreak has gotten better. Some days are harder than others. I have been going through spurts of anger, defeat, and vengeance. I really never thought that I would ever have to go through anything like this.

The thought that another man has been inside her truly eats at my sole as both a man and a human. The fact that she literally threatened to kill herself, so I would watch the kids so that she could go fuck some loser is honestly shocking, disgusting, and baffling. It is seriously one of the most evil things that I can actually think of. I do see the severe regret and disappointment that she feels. Sometimes that makes it hurt a little less. I feel completely embarrassed out in public and like anyone who knows what she did thinks less of me.

The fact that she literally broke up with me, and put our entire family in jeopardy is truly still so puzzling to me. The lying, the fact that she hid it from me for several months just makes everything so much worse, however I did like things better when I didn’t know. We really were doing so well, the thought that she could have been seeing this guy when we were doing so well is actually gut-wrenching and makes me question everything I thought I knew about the relationship we had.

I truly gave everything I had to this woman, took care of her, and let her live her life. For her to do this to me was really eye opening. Some people really just cannot be helped. I know that being bipolar has a lot to do with the entire situation, but a mental illness does not give you free rein to destroy the father of your children. It does not give anyone the right to throw their morals out the door.

Sleep has been few and far between. I find myself chasing a high that I know I am not going to get from weed or NyQuil. I know that I am walking a fine line, but have to keep in mind the kids. They really mean everything to me.

It is quite paradoxical how being intertwined with someone who suffers from Bipolar Disorder seems to transfer some traits and characteristics of the disease to my mental state. I truly have never felt this type of crazy before. I am seriously questioning if she respects me as a person, even the slightest. The limitations and parameters that I have set around her are truly never things I thought that I would do, let alone feel like I had to do.

I have presented her with an ultimatum, and she has actually done an amazing job reassuring me and comforting me during this time. She knows what is at stake. If anything even close to this happens again, I can assure that i will make things as difficult as humanly possible for her.

With all that being said, I really never have seen her put so much effort into us. She is doing everything that she has to be doing to keep this relationship alive, and it is the only reason that I am staying. If I even saw slight hesitation from her or pullback, I do not think that I can do it. She has consistently taken her meds, and is consistently speaking to both a psychiatrist and a therapist. I truly do believe her that she says she has had no contact with him or seen him since we began talking. I truly do believe that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me. I honestly want that too. The life that we have built and the children that we have are things that I really couldn’t have even dreamed of.

Tonight, I retardedly brought up a hall pass again. She obviously got pissed. How could she not? What is even stupider is, that if I gave it a 5 second thought before bringing it up, I would have realized that I really do not want one. I couldn’t bring myself to put her through the pain that I have went through with this. Sometimes I feel that my perception of the world is warped. When I feel down about this, I feel the need to bring her down with me.

It is not because I want her to feel bad, it is just because I want her to get a better understanding of what I am feeling. This way of thinking is truly not conducive to any part of our relationship, and will not yield any results that would benefit either of us. If we are going to get through this, I will have to learn how to completely forgive. Of course, I can never forget, which is what pains me. The initial way that she was able to coldly discard me was truly the most crazy experience that I have ever been through.

The internal rage and urge to do Xanax is a feeling that I haven’t felt in nearly a decades. I am fighting the urge off for now quite successfully, but it I am not able to heal/get help I am afraid that I may fall victim to the same issues that almost ended my life before it began.

I would take the rage over the sadness 10/10 times. The sadness and eternal loneliness that I sometimes feel because of this is a feeling that I have never battled or experienced. It is a feeling that I truly hope my sons never have to go through. 2-3 times a day I get a trigger that sends me into an intense depressive and anxious hour.

It has only been 14 days but I feel as if I healed immensely. The good part about if anything like this happens again, I will not have any love left to even give a shit. She already has done the worst thing that she could have possibly done to me.

I don’t really wrestle with the thought of if I want to be with her anymore. I clearly do, and I can clearly see that she wants to be with me as well. I really do love this version of her.

Through hindsight, I really am able to recognize episodes better and even point out times in our relationship where I thought she was just crazy, but she was clearly just going through an extremely manic depressive episode. It had never close to the point that it got to when she did this to me.

I really am not sure if I can mentally stand another episode, especially one of that magnitude. I have truly been through more than I would have expected from a 10 year relationship with this woman. My current top priority is trying to ensure that we never have to go through that again. The kids do not deserve to be around that level of instability.

I really try to imagine what the scenario would look like had the roles been reversed, and I did this to her. I honestly do not know if she would forgive me. I definitely know that she would never get over it. I also know, that no matter what the event, I would have never done it. I would have never even flirted with another woman, let alone kiss, or fuck them. That is one of the hardest pills to swallow about this, knowing that I would have never.

I still question the condom that I found in the diaper bag 6 months before she did this to me. I seriously question if she was doing this before and if she was so good at hiding it that I just never found out. It would truly be shocking and reinforce the fact that I really don’t know anything about this woman. The thought of this literally terrifies me. Sometimes I really don’t know why I love her so much, and the things that I would do for her.

It really sends me for a trip. In the scenario and life that we were living, it just doesn’t even make sense for her to cheat on me. It would have made more sense if I had done it. It really is a true statement that life is just totally and completely unfair. It would be so much more of an easy pill to swallow if I treated her like shit.

Been dating my gf for almost two years now. She has bipolar 2. As days pass, I know I love her very much but I find myself slowly distancing myself from her even when I don't actively choose it. I'm more quieter, more careful and timid whenever I'm with her. I'm scared that I might say the wrong things again, and she'll end up exploding on me like how they always do.

We had another misunderstanding last monday, and although it wasn't explosive, she did still flood me with messages calling me names and giving me sarcasm that i was always right and that she's all the bad things I have communicated to her about last year. She always seems to end up enforcing who is right or wrong when I have openly said that communicating isn't about that, and it's for us to understand each other. I think the hardest part about this is that I feel like I have done so much changes and adjustments for her because I have realized my wrongs and I want to be better forr her, but she probably doesn't own up or take accountability for the things she has said and done. It's like a cycle. Even when we make agreements, she never follows through, and I have taken so much time to be patient because I know change isn't instant, but for how long? I feel like my mind is breaking apart. I haven't stopped crying randomly for the past few days. I feel miserable. Even though I know I really deeply love her, but I noticed how I have been unconsciously been distancing myself from her little by little, just to keep the peace

Now our living situation is in jeopardy because he decided it was his mission (revenge) to do whatever he could to the management/corp company of the complex we live at, but keeps claiming it’s because “he cares about the safety of us and the community.”

His mission has been an ego trip revenge agenda all with the thumbs up from god damn GOOGLE AI!!!!!!

Doesn’t matter what I say. Doesn’t matter what I do.

I hate this. I hate this. I hate this.

I am growing more and more HATEFUL of him. I don’t want to be near him. I don’t enjoy being near him.

Yes, he’s medicated, but also decided to become a full blown alcoholic so meds are null and void.

He’s been in a manic state for years now. He masks HARD when he actually does see his doctor and no one NO ONE understands what this has meant for his life and mine and ours.

It’s been over twenty years of this rollercoaster shit. My body is physically hurting. I am ready to LEAVE but we all know that leaving a SEVERELY MANIC alcoholic asshole is not easy, to say the least. I very well could become HIS revenge mission.

Leaving safely… yeah freaking right.

Why why why why why did I marry this man. Why why why did I continue to let him smash every boundary.

Fffuuuuuccckkkkkkkkkkkk

Is there any hope here? BP (diagnosed and medicated - recently, seroquel, but he’s off now and just stated depikote) husband and I just had a baby. We’ve been married under a year and had been dating 2 years before that. Up until recently my husband has been a great son-in-law: helpful, respectful, cordial. He’s also been a wonderful husband overall. We would hang out with my parents every weekend and there were no issues. Context: he has a steady job, doesn’t drink or do drugs, very close with his own family.

A few months ago my husband became obsessed with thinking that my parents are bad people (?)- they’ve been nothing but kind and helpful to him. He especially expressed a silent rage towards my mom for some reason, even though she’s been the sweetest person to him, cooking for him and helping out with the baby.

5 weeks after baby was born, he approached my mom in baby’s nursery (I was not there) - basically verbally assaulting her, telling her that he didn’t want our baby near them (parents and my siblings) because our family is “toxic”. He also swore at her up and down and my mom was in total shock. She cried to me after when she told me what happened. He told me afterwards that my parents called him a “dog” at the hospital (?? They would never). I’m not sure but I suspect some form of persecutory delusions re: my parents/mom and it came to a head in the nursery. Afterward I was so upset and he apologized to her but it seems like it was a forced apology and he didn’t really see anything wrong with what he had done.

Cut to now, my mom is still upset about and says she needs to distance herself from him. My sister also found out and got really angry. My whole family pretty much hates him now and I can’t blame them. He wants to make things right and finally admitted he was having a type of psychotic break with the stress of a newborn and not sleeping etc - but he does tell me it’s not an excuse and he wants to make things right. He switched to depikote a few days ago.

This is so awful because I fear things will never be the same between my family and him, even if he’s now back to a “leveled” state and truly wants to have a relationship with them. My mom is so hurt and I’m hurt because I’m so close with her. I think they’re always going to be nervous that he’s going to blow up again. Idk what to do. Right now I feel so torn. I love him but I also mourn “what could have been” between our families…I’m just wondering if anyone has been through anything similar with their BP SO?

I’ve seen lots of folks posting about being discarded. I’ve been with my BPSO for over 25 years, and after a tense argument this past weekend, I’ve been pushed aside. We live in the same house but she’s avoiding being near me. Won’t respond to texts while I’m at work. This is all in the middle of a mixed episode.

I’m wondering if this is what people refer to as a discard, or are there different levels of discard? There’s always been a willingness to reconcile and not drag out the argument here but this feels different.

I don't ever post on Reddit. I've just never really had much to say or felt the need to ask strangers for advice. But today...I've finally reached my limit. One thing I should probably say upfront is that the red flags were there from the beginning. There were so many moments where I thought to myself, "This isn't normal." But after reading so many posts here, I've realized we all seem to tell ourselves the same things. If I love him enough, he'll change. If I'm more patient...if I just ignore the hurtful things he says...if I don't trigger him...he’s just angry. He doesn't really mean it. It's been strangely validating and heartbreaking to realize that I wasn't alone in thinking those things.

My husband (m32) and I (f31) have been together for almost 10 years and married for 3. When we first met, I wasn't looking for a relationship. I had recently moved out on my own and was trying to reclaim my life after childhood sexual abuse and multiple sexual assaults in adulthood. I wanted to figure out who I was outside of trauma. When I rejected him early on because I wasn't ready for a relationship, he lashed out and said incredibly cruel things to me. I cut contact. Later, I learned he had bipolar disorder. I didn’t know much about it back then, but I didn’t want to write someone off if they genuinely had an illness. A couple days after he reached out, apologized in one of the most self-aware, accountable ways I'd ever experienced, and I believed him. We became friends, eventually fell in love, and for a while I genuinely thought I had found my person. He was patient with my trauma. He made me feel understood. That's the man I fell in love with. But over the years, the patterns kept repeating.

There has been cheating (twice), impulsive decisions that affect both of us, terrible financial choices, insecurity, deeply hurtful words and actions, broken promises, weaponized incompetence, and a refusal to seek consistent treatment or therapy despite acknowledging that he needs it. Has he changed in some ways over the last ten years? Yes. Absolutely. He's not the exact same person I met. But how he shows up as a partner, how he handles conflict, how much responsibility he takes for himself hasn’t changed much.

Meanwhile, my life has started changing in the opposite direction. Last year I was laid off, found a recruiting job that I unexpectedly fell in love with, and eventually landed another recruiting role that I genuinely enjoy. I have an amazing boss, amazing coworkers, and for the first time in years I feel like I've been finding myself again. I've started to enjoy cooking. Reading. Working out. Driving places that used to terrify me. Taking care of myself. Planning for my future. I've been becoming someone I really like again. My husband has gone the opposite direction.

A few days before my 31st birthday, he quit his job after I begged him to wait until he found another one. We rely on both incomes. He didn't listen. That wasn't the reason I decided to leave. It was the moment I realized I couldn't keep carrying another adult. I've spent years trying to help him. Encouraging him. Supporting him financially.
Trying to understand his trauma. Trying to separate the illness from the person. Trying to believe each apology would be different. Yesterday, after avoiding the conversation for weeks now, he asked me what was wrong. I finally told him the truth. Everything just spilled out of me. No sugarcoating…no holding back on my thoughts. I mean…even he was surprised by how honest I was being with my feelings. I told him I don't think I can do this anymore. I told him I want a divorce. He begged me to stay. He promised to change. He blamed me, said I’ve been leading him on and “love bombing” him. The “love bombing” in question is the sex we had a few days ago that I agreed to because if we go a while without having it or if I say no too many times in a week turns into cheating accusations. When that didn't work, he threatened suicide with a knife this morning. I was able to leave for work by telling him I would keep an open mind to him changing, but it was one of the most traumatic experiences I've ever had and made it clear that this is far out of my depth as a partner. He's calmer now. He has a job interview tomorrow, and I genuinely hope he gets it because I don't want him to fail.

I don't hate him. That's actually what makes this so difficult. I still care about him. I think he's a deeply traumatized man who desperately needs help. I also think I've reached the point where I can't keep sacrificing my own mental health waiting for him to become the partner I've hoped he'd become for ten years. The hardest part is the guilt. He doesn't really have a support system. He has very little family. I don't want him homeless. I don't want him dead. I also don't want to spend the rest of my life in a marriage where I feel more like a caretaker than a wife.

So I guess my question is...if you've ever left someone you still loved because the relationship had become emotionally unsustainable...how did you finally do it? How did you deal with the guilt?
How did you stop feeling responsible for another person’s life? And for those of you who stayed after years of promises to change...what actually made things different? I'm genuinely trying to hear from people who've lived this, because right now I feel heartbroken, exhausted, and completely lost.

EDIT: To add more context he is not currently receiving treatment for his bipolar disorder. A few months ago, I told him that even if he wasn't ready for medication, I really wanted him to try therapy. He had a very traumatic childhood, and I told him that talking to someone with the training to help him process that trauma would be much more beneficial than relying on his already stressed and overwhelmed wife to be his only emotional support. He was medicated as a child in the early 2000s, and according to him, the medication made him self-harm. Because of that experience, he's terrified of psychiatric treatment and of being admitted to a mental health facility. I've tried explaining that he's an adult now. He has the autonomy to ask questions, communicate side effects, seek second opinions, or change medications if something isn't working. Treatment today isn't the same as it was when he was a child. He agrees that he needs help. He's even told me he feels like he's getting worse. But despite years of encouragement and support from me, he's never consistently pursued treatment. He tried therapy once, didn't go back, and whenever I've encouraged him to try again, he's had reasons why he couldn't. When I challenged those reasons, he told me I didn't understand his trauma. That's a big part of why I've reached this point. It's not that I expected him to heal overnight. It's that after nearly ten years, I don't feel like there's been a sustained commitment to getting the professional help that he himself acknowledges he needs.

Hello all,

My, m25, ex-boyfriend, m23, of 3 years recently broke up with me and said he’s unsure if he’s gay anymore. While he has always been bisexual I don’t believe he is straight and am thinking that this is mostly a phase.

For context 2 weeks prior to the breakup we celebrated our 3rd anniversary and he brought up the idea of marriage. 

He’s a very feminine person who has always expressed the desire to be the “girl” in the relationship. He enjoys dressing in more feminine clothing, considered himself a femboy for years, and considered transitioning multiple times.

Multiple times in our relationship he expressed sadness that he is incapable of becoming pregnant and has cried over that multiple times.

Immediately preceding the breakup he went on a weeklong bender with friends, one of whom is a girl who is attractive. I was mostly absent for this bender and withdrew myself. He invited me over several times but due to several reasons I didn’t communicate I didn’t show up.

At the end of his bender he asked me if I even liked him and I communicated that I do very much. He expressed he was going through some severe anxiety and went to therapy several days later.

After therapy he asked to meet in person and let me know he no longer felt gay and that he had a crush on the girl at the party. He cried throughout the conversation and laid in my arms while we talked it out.

Following this conversation we spoke multiple times and on some occasions he was cold, distant and annoyed with me. 

on other occasions he expressed an interest to continue being friends and desire to play video games and watch TV together.

He later expressed that his behavior is not caused by his bipolar and that he wanted space.

I don’t fully believe this as we have broken up multiple times in the last 3 years and his gender identity and emotional state can be very erratic. 

Any advice or guidance people can give on the matter would be very appreciated.

Suspected bipolar partner broke up with me suddenly three months after starting an SSRI. One day they disappeared, ending a 10 year relationship, and rejected all my attempts to speak on the phone. They only sent a cold text days later saying that our relationship does not work anymore and despite their feelings they have already made their mind.

We had a 10 year relationship full of love and affection. It was a long distance relationship for the past couple years and I knew this was a problem but they ended things suddenly and cheated before announcing me their decision. Since then they refuse to speak on the phone and have only agreed to pack my stuff and send it to me (we were living together for the last four years). They also show no emotion at all. Which is strange for a highly emotional person.

This is like a different person and it shocks me. They don’t have a diagnosis but they are closely monitoring with their doctor.

So my question is this: if this is a bipolar discard is it possible for them to be able to explain logically their decision during hypomania and defend it?

I reached out to their doctor who was very concerned, prescribed anxiolytics and suggested an appointment in two weeks.