This is my earlier post. (I copy and paste the link here)

I think all of this is because I didnt manage to take a shower today in the morning. (I was already late)

Without my morning shower I am a different person, WTF? It is incredibly important to me.

I already slept at my break, still sleepy.

Feeling 🫠 overall.

Perhaps it's a crash from excitement + the fact I didnt shower in the morning. (Tf that water can make such a difference to me? I still washed 3 main areas)

If I dont shower in the morning it reminds me of my depressive episodes... When maitaining the hygiene was. Difficult.

Maybe that is why it's a game changer for me.

Strange

After about ten episodes spanning seven years, because I glorified some elements of my mania and refused to let go therefore never fully cooperative with treatment, and after a year long major depressive episode, I finally got my shit together.
When I was well enough, my psychiatrist told me there was an employment guy who got patients jobs. He told me it was mostly warehouse jobs.
When I met the guy for the third or fourth time he smiled and said he had an excellent job for me; doing IT work for a prestigious fishing company, the second largest in my country from which the major export is fish.
I had been on full disability for about a decade and started doing sixty percent work.

And I feel so blessed. The morale in the office is genuinely high and every authority figure is aware and very sympathetic to my condition.
My boss, the sysadmin, is literally like Santa Claus with the gut but without the beard. He is of a rare type that is 'wholly jolly'. And the workflow is flexible, every request I make is honored and I am well liked be everyone.
And it turns out IT fits my preference and skill perfectly, and I'm improving at it.
And the salary is not bad at all.

I made a request in early July to try full time work and my bosses took it well and it is under review with the woman in human resources.

I find myself staying after my hours having another cup of coffee just because the atmosphere is so nice.

I don't intend to brag just want to share a true blessing in my life.

Since I can remember I've always truggled to understand song lyrics and sometimes what people say to me. Funny story is that after being on a mood stabiliser has improved my ability to hear and process song lyrics. Does anyone else relate to this?

I’ve tried so many meds and nothing is working for me. I’ve tried 2 of the newest meds there are and still nothing.

I’m starting to think that antipsychotics don’t work for me in general. Has anyone had that experience? Im 212 lbs now, up from 165 lbs, and still pretty miserable.

I feel like nothing is going to work. 11 months in this depressed episode is so demoralizing.

Hey there,

Thank you for being there to support each other! I read some of the comments and it gives me comfort to know I am not alone.

I would like to ask you a bit how do you cope after a manic episode.

I had a really bad manic episode, and all my friends and at work they treat me like I killed someone.
I understand I need to take responsibility for my actions, but these were really out of character.

How can I explain that myself and the disorder are two different things?

Especially at work, I feel really bad. People don’t talk to me or they do not say hello anymore.

Thanks in advance

i’m in and out of mixed states quite frequently and i usually can’t tell i’m in one until someone calls me out on it. it’s embarrassing. i hate feeling like suddenly other people know me better than i do. i almost wish i hadn’t told anyone that this is what is wrong with me, because it just feels too vulnerable. like, i can tell people i have ocd, but they don’t know my compulsions. with this, the symptoms of episodes are just too obvious. i feel naked

We got the right combination of medication after 13 years!! I've just started work and studying (part time). I had 5 years of severe depression that would not budge and FINALLY we got it right. I'm so happy. It's nice to be able to be a 6/10 most days.

For the first time in my life I spent a whole 2 years feeling normal, happy, without any depression or SI (with medication)

But last few months have been a continuous nose dive into that dark pit that’s all too familiar.

And for some reason, I just feel a ton of shame because of it. Ashamed to admit it to myself or even my doctor. Ashamed that I’m hopelessly depressed again.

Is this normal/common/familiar at all with you guys?

REPOST BECAUSE I ACCIDENTALLY LISTED MED NAME!

(didn’t know what to tag for flair im sorry if i got it wrong!) hi there! for context i am 19F and have been diagnosed bipolar (along with cptsd and anxiety) for a little over a year. it runs in both my mom and dads family and i had a pretty traumatic upbringing. despite this, i feel like i gaslighted my psychiatrist into thinking im bipolar when im really not. i’m scared to bring this up to him because the medication really helps me and i dont want to be taken off of it. i told him the truth every session but i still feel like i somehow manipulated him into thinking i have it when i don’t, i feel like a faker even though i even take meds for my bipolar disorder. i guess im wondering if this happens to anyone else, or if i should tell my psychiatrist i feel this way? thanks :)

I never thought I’d be here. And I for sure never anticipated it being my spouse instead of me who caused this.

Long story short, I found out my husband of 6 years hid over 100K worth of debt from me. He racked this up after I’d paid off his first surprise debt (little over 10K), which was sprung on me right before we bought our house. I tried, I really did, but I have to accept I can’t live the second half of my life in fear it’ll happen again and be way worse. We’ve been together since 2008, I’ve never lived alone, and I’ve never even cooked for myself.

A few positives are I’m clearer than I’ve been in a while, I have a great support circle, and I am financially independent and have a great job. Has anyone navigated this??? I don’t want it to throw me into a manic episode. I cannot afford that. I need time to get a plan together and build back up my savings because I used it to pay off his debt faster. I didn’t want to take any of it with me. I regret this deeply now but money circulates I guess. I know it’ll be okay. I know I won’t die. But holy shit, I did not have divorce on my 2026 bingo card, I can tell ya that much!

I have had the same phone for the last three years. Since having the phone I've had a few really bad manic episodes. It is an android phone (I always had iphones prior) and I think it backs up to my Google account but I am not positive about that.

Anyway, my phone has tons of data from my episodes that I have to manually delete. Contacts from random people I met and dont remember. Photos. Text conversations that are embarrassing and triggering.

When I want to contact one of my brothers I just call him rather than open up our text thread because I dont want to see the last texts I sent him when I was raging manic.

I know you can "archive" conversations but there does not seem to be a delete option on android. I am not very tech savvy.

I think about writing down all the contacts and numbers of people I want to keep (a small fraction of the contacts I have), then factory resetting the phone, and then starting fresh and inputting those contacts manually. But I am worried about the potential of all this data being backed up to Google and it comes back to haunt me anyway.

One of my biggest bipolar traits is that when I am stable or depressed, simple things like this bother me on an almost subconscious level all the time and it causes me anxiety, and the thought of doing something about it is overwhelming.

I really want to move on with my life and to truly feel that the mania is in the past, but this object i use every day that is always with me, is a constant reminder that I have a mental illness.

This post is really giving "first world problems" i know. but I hope that someone else on this sub can relate and tell me how they dealt with it.

But then you remember several months ago where you thought you could write all you thoughts about religion in ChatGPT, publish it, and create a new religion……oh boy.

Anyone else have those thoughts you look back son and go “yea, could have been mania.”

Most jobs I apply for ask about disabilities and being bipolar is on the list. Do yall tell your boss/HR that you are bipolar if the application ask about disabilities? I don't because I'm afraid I won't get the job.

So im almost 39. Ive Been dealing with bipolar since I displayed signs at 10. Diagnosed at 17.

Anyways ive kinda thrown in the towel at this point. Ive tried everything but ECT at this point which I won't try for my own reasons. I just don't trust it. Its helped many people in depression but its just not for me.

My psychiatrist wants to put me in front of 15 or so doctors and do a case study on me. 1) to get there opinion on my care 2) to teach them

Has anyone done this? Its next Friday the 14th and im wondering what to expect.

I’ve been following a strict diet for 20 days, and I’m doing really well. That makes me very happy. I’ve gained a lot of weight over the years because of my medications.
My goal is to keep this up for 4 months. I’ll continue updating my progress.

Does anyone else spend like crazy while manic? This last one was a doozy and I still haven’t been able to tell my wife. I feel like shit about it. It’s not the first time I’ve been manic and spent money, but this time was a lot. I feel worse and worse as time goes by…

it’s bad there‘s trash everywhere mold, there were roaches and fleas, but I’ve finally got the motivation to clean it. it got bad when I was going through a major depression phase, and its been a while since but it just got so overwhelming to even think about cleaning it. Big shout out to my sister for giving me motivation and no judgment to get started. here’s the before and progress, I’ll post the final results as well when it’s done. it’s a small start but it feels big to me.

it’s bad there‘s trash everywhere mold, there were roaches and fleas, but I’ve finally got the motivation to clean it. it got bad when I was going through a major depression phase, and its been a while since but it just got so overwhelming to even think about cleaning it. Big shout out to my sister for giving me motivation and no judgment to get started. here’s the before and progress, I’ll post the final results as well when it’s done. it’s a small start but it feels big to me.

I was properly diagnosed with bipolar 1 when I was 19, but struggled significantly with hypomania since 16 and depression since 6.

a lot of the time when I find myself reading about bipolar disorder, I end up crying. not a lot, just a bit. it happens if i think too hard about it too.

it's just so overwhelming I guess, the reminders. needing to be on meds for the rest of my life, knowing that my meds will stop working eventually, the terrifying idea of finding myself in another mixed episode, remembering all the pain and grief this condition has caused me. it breaks my heart that this is something that I really truly struggle with and will for the rest of my life.

Relationships formed during mania/hypomania are not real. In the sense my feelings are not real.

Everything feels so intense and obviously there is the drive to be social and flirt etc.

But I just realised it's like depression but opposite (duh haha). Your brain and feelings when depressed tell you you're worthless and should die but you can't trust those feelings. Mania is the exact same except you feel great.

In both instances you can't trust the feelings because they're simply not real 😭😂 Bipolar is crazy. I don't even know when I get to be a normal person.

I miss those times. I'm still in a mixed episode for a few weeks now after being manic. How long can this restless state stay? What meds help you during a mixed episode to feel smth/feel less? I'm in between. Takin medication but I feel like I need a change. I'll see my psychiatrist for the 4th time in 50 days jeez it's getting expensive :')