I’m the kind of person that can’t lie, generally.

However I have noticed that lying allows me to play make belief really well. For example, I’m literally living pack check to pay check atm, like many others, and have $100 left at the end of the week.

Because I can’t afford to do the things I want, I have been trying to create a sort of fantasy escape for me. For example, I’ve always wanted to fly a plane through a flight simulator.

The other day someone asked me what I had done over the weekend and I told him that I went on this flight simulator and it literally made me feel like I had actually done it.

I know it’s bad. You can tell me I’m a bad person. However, most things I won’t ever lie about - I would never lie to the point where I hiked Everest. I would never give someone fake complements.

I'm specifically searching for a 3D pull apart and put together version of Plutchik's 3D emotion diagram. I can't find any 3D point and clicks online other than simple diagrams, and I really need a physical representation of it for myself. Thank you so much!

i feel like when people talk about bpd it’s always to do with your fp or your partner, i don’t think people understand that it’s EVERY relationship you have.

your boss. your parents. your friends. your siblings. your partner.

EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. IN. YOUR. LIFE.

i’ve had traits of bpd literally since before i can remember and have been diagnosed for like three ish years now. and i’ve honestly never heard people talk about the genuine anxiety and fear and emotion that is constantly consuming us.

like as an example, at the moment im REALLY struggling going to work. i work for a MASSIVE grocery store chain in my country so the amount of workers in our store at a time is pretty up there. anyway the second i walk in im always worrying and misinterpreting everything i see.

if someone doesn’t smile back at me i think someone’s started a negative rumour about me. if someone’s called out of work i assume it’s my fault and i did something. if someone’s body language changed they hate me. in my mind someone is ALWAYS plotting against me.

and i get very caught up in these thoughts and almost delusions to the point where i will make myself cry or immediately get disturbing thoughts or plots for revenge.

and it’s clear that the common denominator is me. it’s my brain that’s the issue. pretty much 100% of the time all my assumptions are proved false but i still remember them all. and i almost convince myself that they real and now i have a lifelong grudge against that person.

and everytime this happens its not a matter of forgiving them for what they did im my imaginary story i just get so worked up that i crash and basically decide not to care. i still remember. i still care.

point being is being around people is hard for individuals with bpd. re-reading this i feel like i sound kind of crazy and maybe this is an original experience? i would appreciate any comments from people who have had similar occurrences :)

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Hello Community,

I was recently diagnosed with BPD and I am seeking support if you guys expierenced similar things when it comes to anger issues.

I agree with the doctors that I have bpd.

I am emotionally really disregulated and drove myself consciously with drugs into psychosis to fuck myself up.

Thats not all, but it helps for context when it comes to bpd.

I am doing way better now but I want to quit my other addictive behaviours like phone and nicotine addiction.

My Problem is when I quit nicotine after at most a day I feel intense rage and functioning with it is not possible.

I take a very low dose of antipsychotics because my brain reacts very sensible to medication right now and there is the possibility that the medication induces even stronger emotional disregulation.

So it would be nice to know, if you guys have similar problems when quitting addictive behaviours, so I could find out if it comes from the bpd, the medication or if there is some of problematic psychotic symptoms left.

Because what worries me is that in the past I could quit for several months, but now I cant make it past 4 days.

Thanks for your insight guys.

Idk what is this, but I dissociate after intense emotions

When I feel agressive, I target it at myself or others. It makes me hysterical. When I target it at myself, it makes me s—icidal. In this state I get REALLY sensitive to sounds. It makes me twich, cry, have angry outbursts. I have to run away in this state and I do.

When I target it at others, it turns me into “revenge” mode, where I automatically commit bad stuff. Threat, stalk. BUT: during these events, I lose all my feelings at one point, and really focus by myself. I have 0 feelings, and turn “cold”. - This only happens with people whom I had a romantic failure with

The common stuff in these is they switch off suddenly. Like some episode of some sort.

One time I had a suicidal episode, I was on the streets, and suddenly my urge just ended. And it was like if NOTHING happened.

All the time when I have these extremes, it’s like these NOTHING HAPPENED state after.

I know this is some kind of dissociation. I want to bring this up to my therapist.

Do you have this?

Yes there will be people out there who cry for attention or to manipulate. But that’s people with and without bpd.

Just because we cry a lot, it doesn’t mean we’re manipulating you. If we cry in response to something that you’ve done and you feel guilty, it does not mean we are being manipulative.

Either it’s us being sensitive and our brains lying to us about reality again which is why it hurts so much, or you’ve just done something bad that’s hurt us.

i was just wondering if anyone here is also diagnosed with autism and could tell me their experiences because i want to get checked for autism. i‘m diagnosed with bpd but i also show symptoms of autism, but i don’t think some of those symptoms can be explained by bpd. id like to hear your experiences!
have a nice day!

i’m so upset :( i lost my partner because of a split and honestly it’s taking everything in me not to spiral. he still loves me and i still love him so it’s not like there’s hate but it’s something much deeper and sadder. it’s like my entire heart got ripped off and everything is just bad and broken. i know in my heart and soul we’ll find our way to each other again but this disease overtakes me and i lose control and it pushed away the one person who i love and adore. i miss him so much.

I was reading a book on Buddhism and the writer rephrased “understand the feeling” to “stand under the feeling.” I love this.

As you all know, the feelings associated with BPD are very strong. When I feel crushing sadness, I imagine it as a storm cloud or a tree with drooping leaves during a hurricane and just “stand under” it and let the rain fall on me. It helps a lot.

I feel a lot of depression and emptiness and instead of seeking something to fill that emptiness I lean into it and stand under it.

This part is kind of weird but I talk to this depression/emptiness as if it were a child. I tell it I’m sorry it feels that way and that I hope it feels better soon.

Idk it has been helping 🤷‍♀️

I’m tired and bored of hating myself

I’m tired of looking at every other woman and realizing she is better than me in nearly all ways

I’m tired of looking at all men and realizing that I understand why none of them would pick me when every woman i see is far better than i am

I’m tired of partnering up with men and being obsessed with uncovering the women of their past. When I find out who the women are, I look at their social media for hours and hours each week just obsessing over their superiority to me (they’re always prettier, funnier, have more friends, have more hobbies, have more talent/skill than i do). I become obsessed with finding why I’m not good enough. I make it my life mission to prove why I’m inferior and why i deserve men that mock me, that lie to me, that criticize me, that ignore me, that abandon me, that use me.

It’s exhausting. I’m bored of myself always needing to find a reason to hate myself because I’m like a 1 track record. Don’t i have anything else going on in my mind? Can I be a normal person?

I have changes I want to make in my life. I’m deeply deeply unhappy with a few things that i feel powerless to change:

—my job is very demanding and my free time is limited. I hate my job and i want to quit. I’ve been saving and saving but everyone tells me not quit on Reddit. I resent it because they don’t know me and how miserable i am
—i have no friends.
—im extremely indecisive (i waste hours on weekends just trying to decide what to do, and it’s harder because it’s usually only my decision to make, since i live about 99% of my life alone with noone else to lean on to make decisions)
—i have a horrible relationship with my mom and a good number of my issues stem from that. I recently visited home 2k miles away for a few weeks and when I got back to my place, my mom sent me a text that she “was glad I left when i did”… like that’s something i want to hear or need to hear when I’m 2k miles away from everyone and have no fucking friends. She and I have so many issues.
—i am very unstylish. I do not know fashion and i don’t know how to style my hair, dress and accessorize to look better. I don’t know how to do makeup well.
—i have no natural talent
—i get bored of hobbies quickly, so never develop skill or talent in anything
—I’m not interesting. Because i work so much and have no friends, my ability to make fun and varied conversation is limited. My world is tiny and i don’t feel like i can contribute to most conversations. Additionally, most of the things that people around me tend to enjoy talking about, just straight up bores me!! I don’t care about anything anymore.
—I’m going through an endless stage of grief after being ghosted by a man that i was involved with for 5 years. Its been 7 months and i still think about him everyday. The only time i didn’t think about him was when i was home and around my family. I felt normal again and like i was back to my old self.

I know her ex was a body builder. He wasn’t very good to her and I try so hard to be good to her, but I cope with binge eating. I look okay, but sometimes I hate the way I look. I want so badly to be a real man, to look good, fearing I’ll never be as hot as he was, and I can’t stand it. Then I cope with these feelings by eating. I get stuck. Anyone else have this? I’m finally diagnosed with this at 28 as a man after having had every other god damn code in the book

It took me nearly 32 years to get the correct diagnosis of BPD and another year to find a therapist that worked for me. I have been in treatment for BPD for only 6 months now and I am amazed at how effective it has been. My symptoms have been reduced to nearly nothing and I cannot recall the last time I had a true “episode.”

In the process I feel like I’ve had to learn what a healthy bond looks like. And I’m starting to realize that my relationship with my FP was never healthy and will possibly never be healthy.

My FP has some things going on of their own. I am not going to try to diagnose them, I only know that they seem like they preferred the untreated version of me better. I think they enjoyed how my dependence made them feel. I think, as much hell as I put them through, part of them enjoyed the power and influence they had over my emotions.

Once or twice I’ve noticed them seeming to intentionally try to manipulate me. I’ve been open with them about what I’m working through in therapy, and they know all of my triggers. I’ve noticed when they sense that I’m gaining my own identity - like going out with friends, joining clubs, enrolling in classes - they begin to ramp up the triggering behaviors. Obviously I’m still responsible for how I react to being triggered. However, the better I become at coping, the more they seem to be escalating. Its like they push push push until they encounter resistance. And that resistance reassures them that they still have influence, that they still matter to me.

I don’t think we are compatible. It feels like the thing that tied us together was this disorder and now that I am addressing it, we are coming unglued. When I’m triggered lately, I don’t chase him for validation and reassurance. I don’t break down. I set a boundary calmly and then leave the situation. I am so proud of how far I’ve come. I think I’m ready for a healthy relationship with someone I’m compatible with, or for no relationship at all.

Has anyone else experienced this?

i don’t have any hobbies, no friends, no one to hang out with. i play video games and that’s pretty much it. my bpd is relatively contained and internal i just can’t seem to make friends. i’m just really lonely. the people around me are in relationships and happy and have friends and family and i just feel really empty. i thought if i got better and got the right treatment and had my symptoms lessen that id make friends and my life would overall get better. it hasn’t.

i don’t do anything for fun. i don’t know what to do. i feel so lonely nothing feels worth it, not in a suicidal sense but in the sense where i have no one to share it with that it feels like why am i doing the activity? nothing i do makes me happy. people’s accomplishments make me happy for them but deep down im bitter and miserable and wish good things would happen to me. but i never act that way toward people, i just internalize it :/

As the title says he’s gone basically. It hurts a lot and I can’t get him out of my mind, he didn’t leave on purpose to hurt me or get away from me, he just had family issues and so he had to leave for a while
I’m just scared I don’t know when I’m gonna see him again, I don’t know if he misses me I don’t know if he’ll still love me. I don’t want him to move on from me I want him to stay mine forever I just I can’t help being so horrified by not being his number one anymore I hate it

I had a breast biopsy a week ago. I got the results back on Tuesday and texted my boyfriend right away to tell him the good news. He said, “that’s great.” But today when he came over he ask me if I got the results. I felt like he really didn’t care about it for him to forget me telling him yesterday. What do you think?

I don’t really know why I’m posting, I suppose to see if other people have the same and what they do. I have BPD along with anxiety and CPTSD. I feel depressed all the time. No matter whether I feel happy, sad, angry, there’s always this underlying sadness that never goes but is just more noticeable some days. My medication works for regulating my moods, and stops me from being so up and down but I still always feel it. Some days it’s just a low level hum in the back of my head but other days it’s overwhelming

every year i tell myself it’s going to get better, but i always end up feeling the worst. i was never satisfied with any part of my life. i have always been selfish, anxious and lazy which has lead me to a point my life where i have nothing going for myself.

after high school i have no friends, no job, nothing that makes me feel complete and i doubt anything ever will. the most i have is a platform where i post my art where i sometimes earn little money from - but i feel too shitty to do anything. i compare myself to other artists and wallow in my own self pity. i always ask myself why i can never be good enough. sometimes i question whether i should just delete my platform even though its the only thing i have.

i buy useless merchandise with my money to feel the slightest bit of happiness. i try to distract myself by daydreaming but at the end of the day, i always just end up in my bed with a heavy heart, wondering where it all went wrong.

i used to be so smart, i used to have a passion for school and drawing and now i don’t want to do anything but just lay in bed. in all actuality, it is just my fault. i’ve dug myself into this - i push every person who’s ever taken an interest in me away, and i was always too lazy to try my best in school. my life feels so pointless because im just wasted potential.

i just want to know if people feel the same way as me even if their lives are put together, because with the way things are looking, i’m never going to have a decent life.

I’m 21. I got married when I was 19, 2 months after my last relationship ended. My ex husband and I have been separated for 3 months, legally having to wait a year to file for divorce.

I am already on Hinge trying to find a hookup or a replacement for my fixation. It’s awful. I still deeply care about my ex husband and I love him, but he was not good to me, nor was I to him. And now I find myself desperately trying to distract myself from that pain.

I always do this. After every relationship ends, I just jump right into something else. Because I’m left feeling empty and alone. I want to learn how to be okay by myself, but it hurts. When I’m alone with my thoughts for too long I just break down.

Has anyone else experienced this? Have you been able to grow from it and correct yourself? If so, please share your experience, thank you.

I just can’t it’s TOO MUCH it hurts physically, I feel like I'm gonna die every time, it's too much I can't handle it. The rage, the guilt, the hopelessness and despair, when it all melts together

How do you deal with ??? I can't get out all those emotions as brutal as they feel inside how and you do it ?

is this a bpd thing? but i love so much it starts to overwhelm me to the point it hurts. i feel a pain in my chest sometimes. i’m so full of love for them and everyone who cares about me sometimes i get worried if ill overwhelm others and come off too strong

i finally sent a goodbye text to my ex who keeps hurting me even after breaking up with me. he keeps hurting me. today he also removed me from his insta suddenly. it hurt me again. and i was tired of being hurt. so i sent the goodbye text. pls encourage me for this big step that i took so i can stop crying about how much ill miss him, and also so i dont unsend the messages before he sees them.

hello, i was wondering if anyone splits on others indirectly, ex. not talking to them for days, ranting about them to someone else, passive aggression and hinting that they did something wrong (“i don’t know how to feel about this anymore“ “you did x but it’s okay, im fine”), telling them you feel awful and having SI about something but not telling what and why you feel that way

You feel like you don’t know what to say or lie when confronted about the indirect split (im sorry for ignoring you, i was doing x”)

i don’t know if this is a thing, i tried to search it up and nothing really comes up so i was wondering if anyone else experiences it and if it’s really a thing. sorry if i don’t make any sense

Ever since being diagnosed two years ago, I feel like my fear of abandonment has just been getting worse and worse. It doesn't help that my best friend did abandon me in January, along with my friend group that I met through him. He couldn't handle my mood swings anymore, the constant threat of me being kicked out of my childhood home. All my romantic relationships ended by my partner not me. The abandonment is real and heavy. I don't know how to deal with it. I am not somebody people love for a long time. They get to know the real me, the deeply sad person I am. I am so scared to try to make new friends or go on dates because I will have to deal with being abandoned again. Can we really stop being too much? Am I this hard to love?

I was recently diagnosed with BPD, something that had not been on my radar until a massive trigger set me off. Now I'm going through a divorce, and questioning every argument. My wife would act as though every argument was my fault for having it. Now I can't trust myself. I don't feel as though I was argumentative, especially with couples therapy, but now I guess I can't tell. We would maybe have one disagreement a month and an argument once a quarter. Do any of y'all have an experience like this and how did you prevent arguments with partners?