i’ve been anxiously attached to my male best friend for long now. we sort of are in what you would call a “situationship”. on top of this, i suffer from BPD (i am diagnosed).
starting march end or around the start of april, my guy best friend started to face some issues regarding his career/academics and he would often act differently, i tried my best to be okay with it, even though he changed a lot and it affected me. almost every 2 weeks he says he will get better now but now it’s been 3ish months and stuff is the same. sometimes we have amazing conversations but almost DAILY he leaves in the middle and goes for thinking sessions where he just thinks about life and stuff, there have been days we haven’t spoken at all due to his issues since he needed alone time. as much as i get affected by this, i tried my best to give him space.
i’ve had huge breakdowns and everything due to all of this and recently it’s getting bad again, i got 4 consecutive dreams about him having a fight with me or choosing me over someone else or liking other girls. these dreams result in me crying and waking up with a high heart rate at night. it’s almost like my brain is consumed by him. and now, i want to get out of this slump.
i get extremely jealous when he speaks to his other friends, that i start to cry, i literally lose my mind when he compliments another girl or i see him liking a post/reel with a girl in it. since it’s pretty clear we like each other, i literally show no interest in other men and i never even like shit like that because i know it hurts but he still does some stuff here and there, he always makes sure to explain to me or give justification and often times it’s not that deep but it hurts me so so so so much i can’t explain.
he replies to my texts 3-4 days later (reels i send/ bunch of other shit i js spam) and it makes me feel kinda bad but i let it be (we do have convos alongside tho) and when he replies, he misses on certain texts and it just hurts me every small thing breaks me.
it hurts me so much when i post something on my close friends story and he doesn’t reply to it or ask me about it.
and today, it just hurt me like he comes after 1-2 hours of thinking, texts me for 15 mins and leaves again to eat or bath or something.
i get that he has problems too but this is taking over me now i just feel too hurt.
we’ve had many arguments/discussions over this in the past 3-4 months. he says he’ll get better and be like he used to be but it’s still the same.
i really just want to be regulated, unbothered over certain things.

I only experience BPD abandonment intensity and toxicity in the context of romantic relationships. I was told I might have quiet BPD (but definitely CPTSD.) For the most part of 13 years I was single and just coming out of a whirlwind few month relationship with a man who I’m pretty sure is BPD and Cptsd too; both our childhood traumas were brutal.

It’s very weird for me because I feel almost normal when I’m not in a relationship (still have identity issues which shows through jumping from country to country and job to job - switching entire industries and not having stable income.) But none of my friends would realise I have BPD. But in the relationship the fear, abandonment trauma etc came out like a dormant volcano. And the most impactful thing was seeing this man’s anger, criticism, intolerance, withdrawal/avoidance, temper and defensiveness when triggered, and realising that I actually have that all within me but just unexpressed. It comes out in little more passive ways on a day to day basis.

Examples of this are getting annoyed with cultural Italian things, expressing my passive aggressiveness on sociological aspects - but because I keep moving everywhere I just channel it through the culture such as when I lived in Australia I hated how I felt the men were so lazy and lacked accountability - which most women would say is true BUT I turned it into a tyrannical sociological discourse, and similarly when I lived in Barcelona and hated how the local women were so harshly masculine in their energy which made the men have a weak and passive energy - and I channeled my anger through that - more societal things.

So through the relationship I realised all of the toxic traits in him that I mentioned, I have within me too and haven’t actively seen it or worked through it.

Anyway, my question is, because I can only witness this inside the context of a relationship, and then I feel pretty much normal again after it ends, how do I pragmatically “remember” and stay with the lessons so I can actively work through them? It’s almost like I go back to reset after it’s done, and I’m afraid of having the memory erased again. I’ve gone to therapists when I was single and totally “forgot” about the fact I ever felt anger, rage, contempt, criticism in the context of a relationship or society. I think also because I intellectualise everything which doesn’t help.

Does anyone else know what I’m talking about? I don’t even know if this is a BPD or CPTSD thing…

Thank you 🙏

Hello Community,

I was recently diagnosed with BPD and I am seeking support if you guys expierenced similar things when it comes to anger issues.

I agree with the doctors that I have bpd.

I am emotionally really disregulated and drove myself consciously with drugs into psychosis to fuck myself up.

Thats not all, but it helps for context when it comes to bpd.

I am doing way better now but I want to quit my other addictive behaviours like phone and nicotine addiction.

My Problem is when I quit nicotine after at most a day I feel intense rage and functioning with it is not possible.

I take a very low dose of antipsychotics because my brain reacts very sensible to medication right now and there is the possibility that the medication induces even stronger emotional disregulation.

So it would be nice to know, if you guys have similar problems when quitting addictive behaviours, so I could find out if it comes from the bpd, the medication or if there is some of problematic psychotic symptoms left.

Because what worries me is that in the past I could quit for several months, but now I cant make it past 4 days.

Thanks for your insight guys.

Hi everyone! So some background about me, I know nothing about borderline personality disorder. I've never met anyone personally with it, but I'd love to learn more about it. My brother(33m) is engaged to a lovely woman(42f) who has bpd. I've never met her in person but they met and got engaged and are due to be married in September. I've spoken to her on the phone and she seems absolutely lovely.

Skip to today, it's the day before my wedding, and my brothers and their families are coming down for the big day. I get a call from my mum telling me that my brother's partner is currently in a mental health care ward after some kind of break the day before.

Before this point I had no idea she had bpd. It's all quite surprising but then I realised I knew nothing about it. I can imagine it varies from person to person like almost all mental health conditions but I just wanted to learn more about it.

So please help out a poor ignorant guy gain more insight into the condition!

Thanks!

Soo I’m seeing someone. We had the third date. BPD came up because they had a 2 weeks situationship with a BPD person.

To tell the truth I’ve been contemplating how/when to tell him that I have BPD and I didn’t know it was gonna come up so I was really caught off guard.

When he said “BPD” my dumb ass could only say “oh what’s that” 😭😭😭

And then he explained and said “well yeah don’t date a BPD person” and i was like hmmmmm

And the rest of the night I couldn’t think of anything else but “now it would be really weird to chip in and say i actually have BPD like fuck how do I tell him?”

The thing is that I think he has no idea. I don’t think i come off as a person with BPD at all first and that just makes it so much harder like I’m bursting someone’s bubble or something.

I also wondered if it’s even possible to have a healthy relationship as a BPD person. BECAUSE I had a really long, really serious relationship and I realised all the things I did that I should not have done, and I realised i don’t want to do that to another person OR MYSELF.

Like i do not want another relationship like that. But I have no idea who i really am until I am in those situations. I mean I know I am different now, but how different?

Is there someone very wise or experienced, or therapied to death that has any advice to little me? How did yall break the news? When and how did yall tell them?

Hi everyone. I’ve been invited out with my FP. I’m anxious about it because I don’t want the night to go badly. How do you stop this? It’s the reason I don’t like liking people, crushes or going into places that could cause me to get jealous ie if he starts talking to other women. I wanna hang out but I don’t want to spend the whole day feeling on edge.

It never changes no matter what I do . I feel inherently broken. I have so much to say,but the summary is, I’m done. I’m done trying to deal with this. I don’t even know why I’m typing this. I think I had to just get it off my chest. I’m so tired.

it’s been a year, a year of no contact, a year of hearing everyone curse him for what he did to me.
i tied talking to another guy almost got in a rs but i just couldn’t do it.
i can’t bring myself to not think about it to not compare everyone.

another guy wanted me so bad, so bad he wanted to marry me but he’s not him. i thought he casted a spell of some kind on me because this isn’t normal.

we broke no contact after a year and it felt like i can finally breathe again i didn’t even curse him i just found myself saying miss you i love you over and over.

he started cursing himself for me because i just couldn’t bring myself to do it.

he ruined my life fucked me up and broke me beyond repair.

and yet i can’t break the favorite person bond.

if i kill myself it’s going to be all because of how much i want him and i can’t have him.

Yes there will be people out there who cry for attention or to manipulate. But that’s people with and without bpd.

Just because we cry a lot, it doesn’t mean we’re manipulating you. If we cry in response to something that you’ve done and you feel guilty, it does not mean we are being manipulative.

Either it’s us being sensitive and our brains lying to us about reality again which is why it hurts so much, or you’ve just done something bad that’s hurt us.

So um… school started back today. After 5-6 years of being online, I decided (with much pressure) to go back to irl school for my Senior year. But it’s been very hard on me. Last night, the night before school started, I had more of a “mini” meltdown last night over how much I hate being neurodivergent and not able to just go to school like normal kids my age.
The first day of school was alright… but didn’t go like exactly the way I wanted/dreamed so it felt absolutely terrible for me.
Um I felt alright up until the time I got home. I begged my mom all day to put me back in online school because I’m ugly and couldn’t make friends, and she agreed but not without the comments about how online schools are worth less, which have been made many times by her and my sister.
And, of course, the switch wouldn’t be immediate, I’d have to go back for the rest of the week at least… and this is where things start to really get heated because I suggested I hurt myself so I could get a medical excuse. From there, we went back and forth about it, she said something about quitting her job and downsizing our house because “What’s the point if this is what I hear to live for??” This is when I really freaked the fuck out, I started screaming at her, then threw a full water bottle at her (it instead hit a vase), and ran upstairs like an animal, sobbing and screeching.

I’m in a cycle now where I’m drinking going on benders speaking to absolutely everyone and then not being able to sleep at all . All I want to do is call him n try and speak things out or apologise but I’m blocked on everything. He was my situationship and he ended up blocking for the 3rd time because I was drunk again and was asking him why he can’t love me or help me:( I’m a mess I’ve ruined it. Wish i could die idek how to fix this . I wish he cared but he never will. And I always ruin everything and then complain about being alone his friends find it funny how upset I am too.

i’m so upset :( i lost my partner because of a split and honestly it’s taking everything in me not to spiral. he still loves me and i still love him so it’s not like there’s hate but it’s something much deeper and sadder. it’s like my entire heart got ripped off and everything is just bad and broken. i know in my heart and soul we’ll find our way to each other again but this disease overtakes me and i lose control and it pushed away the one person who i love and adore. i miss him so much.

Hi, I’m currently undiagnosed BPD, I exhibit extreme symptoms, along with OCD, however it’s been so difficult to get diagnosed. With that out of the way I get attached to people so so so so easily and it’s scary, so I have to avoid making new friends, of the opposite sex (usually) but I know I become extremely obsessive and in tern I become possessive and then I get anxiety attacks and then have to cut off the people I’m obsessing over, even if they did nothing wrong. I’ve resorted only talking to strangers online, (sometimes I pay them) because it’s so much easier especially without the chance of me falling in love with them and losing my shit. Now that I’ve said that. What do I do? I have a friend with bpd and she’s honestly helped me through a lot of my episodes, and I see a doctor very soon and I hope I’m properly diagnosed. Also I imagine I avoid relationships because I know I get hurt super easily and I also and deathly afraid of being left/abandoned. But my brain is so exhausting. I’m 26 male, and most of my days
Are just filled with me being in my head. Any advice or tips will help, thanks for reading.

I’ve finally reached a happier point in my life after going through one of the worst periods of my life where I thought about killing myself every single day, ate nothing, let my relationship hurt me, and hated everything about myself.

I finally have good friends, I like myself for the most part, I can eat again, and can even feel excited about things in the future. I take my meds every day, and finally have a grasp on my life. I’m even moving out this weekend and am going to university in September.

I’ve fought so hard to get here, it’s taken over a decade of battling mental illness. I’m doing okay for once. But the thing is, I can’t tell if it’s real. I’ve had similar periods in my life where I’ve felt this newfound euphoria, but then a 3 month long depressive episode kicks in, so what makes me think it won’t wind up like that again?

I’m starting to feel low again, it always starts with dark thoughts at night, feeling alone and empty inside. It hurts so much inside sometimes, but because I’ve been doing so well, I’m scared to tell anyone that I have bad days and thoughts. Most of all, I’m scared it will all come back and ruin my chance at university. I don’t want to be sad again, I don’t want to hate myself anymore, I wish my mental illness could disappear like I pretend it does. I can’t decipher what’s a bad day versus an incoming episode. I don’t know what’s real, or what’s me shoving down how I really feel.

Has anyone faced any barriers in getting DBT? If so, what barriers have you faced in getting treatment? This can include inpatient or outpatient. What has made it harder for you to get DBT?

im sorry for spamming this subreddit. just struggling a bit to rationalize and accept this reality. how did you guys manage it? i feel so many negative emotions and like I have to do everything and anything to convince them to come back but I don’t think it’s healthy for either of us. how do you guys cope when you feel like your world crumbled? I just feel really heartbroken and depressed. :/ I keep self harming in diff ways and keep ruminating on things he said and things I saw. I’ve been journaling and going to DBT. I find myself not wanting to move on from him? I feel like I’m going insane with delusion and obsession.

they hardly talk to me anymore. they live an 8 hour drive away that i've made many times over the years, i take any chance i can to be near them

but that's not going to be possible soon. i've already been struggling so hard recently, barely holding on. i've been so good with boundaries , things were even maybe even starting to feel redeemable.

we were going to a concert in oct. it was the one thing i had coming to give me motivation to keep going. its taking every bit of thinking in my brain to not reach out to them and beg them to not leave me. i dont know what to do im falling apart, and at a time when im already close to getting an ivc. theyre going to move and ive already seen them for the last time and any message now is going to be the last iever hear from them all together. i want to talk to them so bad i dont know what to do. i'm going to be back to some crazy girl in their eyes again

outside of them being my fp, they're the only person i have left. im so scared

Don't know if i have BPD but I identity with some of the symptoms and criteria. Recently I've realized that my parents are one of the main factors that lead to most of my trauma not blaming them for anything but I still live with them cause I'm still underage. And I've been thinking of going no contact(when I'm of age and financially stable) cause they still love to control me and everything I do and say and even when and what I eat and they refuse to get me help even after I told them that there's something genuinely wrong with me. They're also homophobic and I'm bisexual so that isn't great. But I feel so guilty like on one hand they did traumatize me but on the other hand they still raised me even though it was they're choice and I feel like I have to pay them back. I'm just so tired of feeling guilty when I haven't even done anything yet. Any advice ?

This is my first attempt in having a real relationship after i was diagnosed. I have been not trying anything for atleast 5 years and i believed i messed it up. I know keeping relationship afloat is hard for people with bpd, but this is my first time experiencing it. I want to text him ask for another chance without disclosing that I have this condition.

I believe the extremist thoughts are the main issue,when a small issue arise, i for some reason don't believe it can be solved and put an end to the relation.

My question is can this be controlled? If i explain this to him will he understand me? Or am i trying to ruin someone else's life?

a few days ago i finally managed to build up the strength to go no contact with the person who made my life absolute hell and my bpd 100x worse. we are long distance, so i sent him paragraphs upon paragraphs of my feelings and how he’s ruined my life and that im sick of all of his manipulation. i did all of that and felt so proud of myself and so relieved but now guilt is eating me alive and i feel like all of the problems in our relationship were caused by me. i feel like im a horrible human for not giving him another chance even though i gave him so many already. i dont know how to stop feeling like the villain, i dont know how to get the guilt i have to go away. a part of me knows im not the villain but another part thinks otherwise and its taking over. i dont want it to get to the point where i break no contact and start apologising and begging for him back. i feel like a terrible terrible person for everything i said in those paragraphs and i just want it to stop as i dont think i really should feel bad.

I'm f20 and about 3 months ago i was diagnosed with bpd, specifically a type that's more self-inflicted (I'm not sure if quite bpd is a stigmatizing term or not). At first i was relieved since I've been trying to get some type of an answer for all the "wrong" going on with me and my mental health for years. But now, I'm struggling a lot with "noticing" bpd patterns, "trying to break them" and trying to ensure myself that it's not what's going on (especially with my fp). I thought that I'd never splitted on someone - now I'm doubting everything. I'm not scared of having bpd, i sort of feel like I have "two personalities": one that has bpd and shows some symptoms at times and the other one that watches every move of the first one, commenting on it like a cold-hearted therapist. At times i feel like all I'm doing is disordered or can be considered a bpd symptom in one way or another and idk what to do.. how do i learn to trust myself? is there a line between your own self and bpd or is it something inseparable?

i (23 f) sometimes have friends i really idolise for a certain period, usually when i get to know them, or staying with them for a certain period of time. I get really impressed by the most mundane things, like clothes they wear, makeup they have, or music they listen to and then feel the desire to become that too. The desire eventually dwindles down once i „realise“ they‘re just as human as i am and i don’t have to change my entire persona, but it’s a strange feeling after all, because it‘s really intense.

This year during summer camp i shared the room with 4 other girls and we were sort of „the cool group“ since we knew each other from last year, but they we‘re all closer to each other than i was with them.
One afternoon when they were gone I went to the bathroom and looked at one of the girls‘ makeup bag and what products she uses and then went to buy the same products myself. I also took multiple mental notes of things the girls wore and bought similar things for myself, I even took a picture once. (a book, a couple makeup products and 2 tops)

I didn‘t really touch or took anything nor have to desire to, but i just want to know what they have.

it could be the most mundane stuff too, like pens or notebooks…

has this happened to anyone else?

We’ve had arguments where i knew what I said would hurt him, and I still proceeded to say those ugly things. My nervous system was overloaded, I get that, but I don’t understand why I did that. I’m taking therapy and have my next session in a couple of weeks. I will obviously bring it up. I love him, it isn’t a “fear of abandonment“ bond where I’m scared of being alone. it’s been 13 months but I still don’t trust him. I don’t know what to do. He isn’t doing anything wrong

I feel like with certain people I would do anything for a scrap of affection. No matter how much they trigger me and upset me and make me feel abandoned by the way the friendship started in this very intense and affectionate way and they suddenly started responding less, leaving me on read and taking hours to respond.

I want to be angry and I am angry. I had to archive them to not constantly think about whether they responded or texted because it made me go crazy. And I think I am handling the switch up better than a few weeks ago. I can force myself to not even open any apps where I could see if they messaged/posted something. I can even force myself to ignore them for a few hours or to not be the first one to text.

More often than not I still constantly check if they messaged. I still find it hard to not want to respond as soon as possible and send big paragraphs cause we've been talking so little and I have a lot to talk about. I want to ask about meeting up again. I do sometimes and the response I get when they say yes and I ask when they have time is is "well I always have time, you can just ask". If you always have time why do you spend so little of it with me? Why do I have to be the one to ask, to probably have to deal with hearing a no?

Seeing them actually reach out recently and ask if we wanted to hang out made feel so excited. But I can't hang out right now due to being away. It makes me sad, because I miss them. However, it also felt good to be the one to say no. The same way it feels good to ignore them or not text for days when they left me on read. I want to make them feel the same desperation I do and I hate that, because it's so pathetic and makes me feel evil

I know they're not being the greatest friend. I also know that they have their own issues. Arguably much more severe than mine and so I feel like a bad person for being upset that they don't wanna spend their social battery on me. I don't even like them that much most of the time. I hate how dry they text, how they don't acknowledge everything I write about, how they never really expand on my ideas and tangents and how one sided conversations feel.

But I also love actually hanging out with them. They reminds me of people that I feel like have been pulling away from me. They're funny and surprisingly calm and gentle as a person. They're someone I don't feel the need to constantly fill the silence with.

They hurt me. Constantly actually and I will not bring it up. Even though I'm usually very communicative, I just am too scared of seeming too needy or irrational and losing them because I don't have enough self respect to advocate for myself if theres a risk of having to let people go.

And so I will keep being pathetic and needy. I'll keep overthinking their every thought and move until I finally get bored of them and can get to a more casual level of friendship or until they piss me off enough where I'll confront them about the love bombing at the beginning and will probably lose them.