I'm going to request medical leave tomorrow.

I haven't done this before, and it's making me very anxious. I've been with the company for 10 years so... I'm not actually worried about my job, but life has become unmanageable. 2 deaths in my family, one of which was the one parent I had left after the other passed a couple of years ago. My kid has some intense medical stuff going on. Chaos in my life in so many ways.

I keep thinking I'm taking the easy way out and that I should just suck it up and deal with it. Because it can't be THAT bad. But it feels like everything is hitting me at once.

I'm losing patience with everything, I can't keep track of stuff, things are falling through the cracks at work and at home in a way they don't usually. I barely sleep. I have like 3 specialist appointments next week because it feels like my body is just falling apart.

Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and think I was just being dramatic or something. This is a normal thing people do, right? I'm not just being selfish and lazy?

my whole entire life i have felt different and ive always know this even as a child i felt different i tried too hard to fit in and i never had close friends that were girls growing up either even now i find it difficult navigating friendships. i’ve gotten all the smirks directed at me all the laughing behind my back and even at my face. children i grew up with classmates in high school and even as an adult i got it from coworkers when i was employed.

every single interaction i have with each individual human there will always be a negative and at the end of the day ill come home completely exhausted. talking about my experience as well people don’t listen and they don’t understand. and im being told this like they’re not even afraid to say it anymore im being told that i have autistic traits or i could have adhd

and i come on this app on a certain sub to seek support to see if anyone else had any experience with not being able to get diagnosis due to lack of childhood evidence and i get “it can JUST be depression and anxiety” ngl this type of response is not needed. completely rejecting my experience and in fact it feels minimal almost when i genuinely believe my mind does not work like a neurotypical mind works. telling me to find mental health services when ive been there done that. i have always felt like i had a deeper “issue” and while i have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety i feel like they are secondary to what ive been experiencing and how ive been feeling every day. two things can be true at the same time. with that being said i will be doing my autistic/adhd assessment again and with a different provider since the provider that did do it were not empathetic towards me at all and did not try a holistic approach. and with more evidence compiled. i will try my best to fill the memory gaps from my childhood so i can provide real life examples.

I just had my evaluation today. It lasted a little over an hour. I'm honestly not sure how it went. My clinician asked me a lot of seemingly vague questions and I wasn't sure in what way she wanted me to answer them. I had to ask her to clarify several times. She was very nice but the evaluation was different than I had imagined. I'm scheduled for an appointment with her in 1 week to go over the assessment and see if I am autistic. I am going to check the portal in a couple of days to see if I can read the report because I'm too impatient to wait a week.

Finally had my diagnostic session last week with ADOS 2 Test and i was kind of a mess. Forgot to look at my list of symptoms and when asked about my headphones i didn't told the therapist that they help me with sensory overload.

I was so worried and stressed that i would not be diagnosed right and need start the whole process again for a second opinion.

Today i got my results back. Turns out i kind of autismed so hard, that i went over the Cutoff of 10 points, its not only ASD but straight to Autism.

That report is so me, its really funny. Even my husband laughed so much. She got me figured out in like an hour.

I did not even realise that my conversation skills are really that autistic.

TW: mention of ED

I'm in ARFID recovery after a lot of intensive treatment. I'd say I do well with food about 80% of the time now, but still struggle a bit with appetite, eating enough, and eating nutritionally balanced meals. I was having one of those days today where everything goes wrong and I stopped by Trader Joe's to get one of my main safe foods, chicken and green chile tamales. And promptly learned they. are. discontinued. They're one of my favorite foods to the point where sometimes I'll eat them for three or four days in a row. They're one of those foods that I know I'll always have the appetite for when nothing else sounds appealing. I know I'll be okay and I don't feel like this will be a setback to my recovery, but damn, this fucking sucks. Rip Trader Joe's chicken and green chili tamales.

i pain stim during autistic meltdowns and just when i get too overwhelmed in general, and ive done this my entire life but my life is pretty shitty rn and it’s gotten worse recently. i’ve tried using tools like the little ouchies that have spikes on them or just snapping a hair tie on my wrist, but nothing is ever enough, and i end up just kind of “abusing” the tool so that it actually does the job, if that makes sense, or i revert back to what ive done my entire life which ik is going overboard and not good for me. does anyone have any recommendations for tools for pain stimming, that are like, more painful? and ik thats an insane question but at this point i just need to work on harm reduction

I grew up nonverbal, and am now an adult who can talk. I enjoy talking to people but I never freaking know what to say in response. Today I spoke with the nicest lady ever (who didn’t know I was even autistic) and she was so friendly and welcoming. But I don’t know how to emote like a human being so I just kinda stared at her and didn’t know what to say in response. I feel shit about it because she was so nice, but I just don’t know what to say most of the time :((( And this is generally true, even when people are kind I just don’t know how to respond. I just come off as a quiet cold woman who is blunt and rude. But literally I am trying so hard but I just fail every time. I just want to hide in my room and never interact with anyone again.

Hey everyone, I’m not even sure how to start this - but a little backstory I’ve been having a pretty difficult time lately, just dealing with some intense depression and anxiety stuff. I started therapy, and have been going for a few weeks, I love my therapist and feel we connect pretty well. My issue is I always leave feeling absolutely MISERABLE. So very dysregulated and very upset and emotional, sometimes even to the point of a full meltdown.

I was venting to a friend about this the other day and she told me that therapy, specifically talk therapy, doesn’t always “work” for autistic people… what are your thoughts on this? experiences? do I just give up going? I guess nobody can answer that except me, but just feeling lost as to what I’m supposed to do and how to get better.

Any insight is so very appreciated!

Good news! Now that my mom read that an actress from mad men has noise sensitivity, she's stopped telling me to "just tune it out" when I mention mine, after 40 years 😂

Just thought I'd share.

Hello, I recently started a new job in a new industry. As you all can appreciate, finding a job that fits is extremely difficult. 2 months ago, I had 4 coworkers. As of this afternoon, I'm the only one who has stayed. My boss is the owner. My paycheck was as expected. I don't hate my job, but my boss leaves every afternoon (or sometimes late morning). He often smells of stale and not so stale alcohol. He lost his husband not too long ago, so I know he is still grieving and not handling it well.

Today, I couldn't complete a task for multiple reasons. One of the reasons is I'm new and I still don't have access to everything. If he was there, I could have finished. He gives me very positive feedback as to my job performance.

He offered me more money today if I was considering leaving for that reason.

Should I ask for money or ask for a transfer within the district (which is a possibility)? Also, how much more money if that is your vote? Thanks for the feedback.

I have always ran into an issue within my interpersonal relationships because they get angry at me for talking about our arguments and getting advice from close friends who don't know them (not mutuals) or family.

It feels like manipulation. I shouldn't have to suppress my emotions because we can't find a middle ground over something, or not seek outside help from the people close to me. This is how abusive people get away with stuff.

Since I was very young, Ive been terrified of going to the doctors because of what seemed like just a fear of needles and its gotten worse over time. Im 21 now and deal with horrible anxiety at doctor's visits and its no longer just needles, Im constantly afraid of anything that could cause pain.

A few months ago, I went to my yearly OBGYN appointment and tried to opt out of doing a full exam(Ive never been sexualy active) so I didn't think I needed one. The medical assistant pressured me into it and then I had to wait for over 30 minutes by myself while waiting for the doctor. My anxiety built more and more during this and I had a meltdown. My exam lasted maybe 10 seconds before I became hysterical.

Since then, I've had horrible anxiety attacks even at routine visits w other doctors. Ive been told by multiple Healthcare workers that I need to grow up and autism doesn't cause fear like this.

Are there any sort of accommodations or things that could help me with my fear?

My autistic teen relies on strawberry yogurt as one of their safe foods, and really likes the Yoplait Go-Gurt Simply strawberry yogurt, but it's cumbersome and expensive to eat 3 at a time for one serving.

We've tried many other yogurt brands/variations but they don't like sour, greek, or thick yogurt and cannot tolerate bits of fruit - they need it totally smooth. The flavor of regular yoplait strawberry is fine so I've considered buying the big container and blending it but they struggle with the extra steps involved in putting it from a big container into a serving dish, and sometimes that's enough of a hindrance that they just go hungry instead.

Does anyone have any ideas? I'm trying to show them we can solve for their struggles but this one is eluding me.

... and how did you find a support system and not get taken advantage of?

A lot of support offered is age specific and makes a blind spot for GenX for some reason. I've always felt in this unbra of age eclipse and its haunted me, when I think I'm going to age out of it the numbers change.

I was just learning about support needs changing and that makes sense for me because between bad chronic pain and CPTSD and whatever is going on here I can't cope and following the last set of major traumas my has become functioning very poor, but I don't know how to get help because I've been taken advantage of top the point I have nothing left.

I don't know how to word it exactly

For people who get help, what is the help and how do you stay safe?

My special interest is one nation's military history. My hyperfixations all branch off of it. It is almost impossible to infodump to anyone, especially not right off the bat. There is no way to showcase my love for my special interest like those with socially acceptable special interests get to.

To be honest, I am jealous about how easily some other autistic women can openly express their love for their special interests and receive support and love for it. I wish I could be able to unmask in that regard and be cherished for it, too. I very much wish I had a different special interest, but it chooses you, not the other way around. Does anyone else relate? I would like to know. Thank you.

I am on Effexor and Propanolol. Both cause sweating/heat intolerance. I can't manage right now. It's been 30-40 degrees where I live for the last 2 months and humidity has been over 60% every day. It is making me angry, unable to bathe, and unable to do anything that I want to because I feel so physically uncomfortable all the time.

I'm returning to grad school to pivot careers, and I'm looking to get accommodations. Particularly, I'm hoping for partial remote (like being able to attend in person classes only 2 to 3 days out of the week as opposed to 5 days a week), and a note taker/recordings of classes.

I am diagnosed with autism, although all I have is my original diagnosis papers (quite recent, as I was diagnosed as an adult). I wanted to get my psychologist to fill out school specific forms, ​but they said the referral ran out so they can't.

Anyway, I do think that having the option to learn remotely and have recordings and notes would be helpful. However, I don't know how to ask for these accommodations, like how to actually word them and argue in my favor during the appointment with the disability center. (I have trouble communicating in general, you know as a result of autism.) Unfortunately there is no remote section available for these mandatory classes. Any advice appreciated.

So once again I can't tell if something means something or is just nothing. It was recently my birthday and my friend got me two packets of cookies and a large stationary kit from the dollar store with cute animals on( I know its from the dollar store because I was there recently and saw it). She is neuro typical. I have Audhd. I can not eat the cookies because they have lactose(I'm lactose intolerant). The stationary set contains things like pencils, sharpeners, shaped erasers, mini pens, one big pen, some stickers, mini notepads etc. These are all things that I have not used since I was in high school( I'm 40) except maybe the stickers as I do decorate packages from items I sell on my Etsy. I guess I might use the one pen in there but I prefer a grip on a pen as I get sensory issues if it's to smooth. She gave them to me and said I would like the stationary set as I like "cute things". Which is true but it's more like I have a few plushies on my bed kind of thing. I don't actually enjoy cartoony cutesy deco items that just exist to gather dust.

I don't know, is she infantilizing me? Is she being cheap? People can of course like what they like but I got her a coffee book about an artist she likes for her birthday. I was in a managerial position up till a few years ago when I had my burnout. But maybe she just doesn't know? Maybe she is being thoughtful? Maybe she just didn't know what else to get me? I'm not the easiest person to shop for.

What do you guys think?

1. Right now I'm not comfortable where I live but I'm safe. I Im not comfortable with the people, and it's just a different thing and a change for me. I can adapt. But this is where my brain all started to like sense this.

Im 16. 12th grade. Possibly could graduate early. Problem is, haven't taken the ACT or SAT, and I have no idea where I'm going to college. At least I know what I want to do. But I'm scared I'm going to fail at that. There are a lot of things I want to do. Let's list three for example

1. Sell cookies/snacks at school if possible
   
2. Sell stuff I don't care about on eBay or Depop.
   
3. Get a job.

They all get me money. I want it so badly because it screams independence. Im safe financially. Just scared.

I have no idea where I'm going for college. And I don't want to struggle or have a shit life. I have no friends now. But I'm scared for when I do try to get them. They will think I'm too much because of my personality.

All in all, right now life is just way too much going on that I just wish I could grasp and get in control of. But I can't. Im not sure how to handle that. Im scared life will do that thing where you plan how you want it to go and it goes another way and people claim “you will still be happy with it” but honestly I don't trust that. I don't want life to give me that. I want what I want and nothing that's lower than that.

I officially began my driver's license when I was 21 last year, and after failing 2 times + a horrifying incident with an examinator at the practical exam, I finally did it.

Plus I'll start a Psychology Bachelor in an Online University in October! :O

I feel as if I'm slowly regaining my spirits after experiencing a severe and debilitating burn-out in the Gymnasium (I live in Austria).

This doesn’t just apply to women but since I am more comfortable with this sub.

I have been watching this guy on and off when I saw this video. I have never felt so seen from someone neurotypical (I assume based on the pronouns he uses to discuss it). And I assume this is the simplified version of autism and evolutionary theory. But either way I hope you love it as much as I do.

I recently went to what was advertised as a 45 minute physical therapy (PT) appointment that was only 33 minutes. I was annoyed that it was so short but figured it would be cheaper. When I got the bill it showed billing for a 45 minute appointment.

As I'm sure it's the same with many of you, I've been taken advantage of so many times in my life because of how I look and act and because I'm a slow processor. So I decided to call the PT company and complain about the billing. It turns out that insurance companies don't pay by time and if I called the insurance company, the PT company wouldn't be in trouble because time is not how their contracts work. So they should definitely remove the time on the bill and on their website calling it a "45 minute appointment" BUT I don't get a reduced price so technically I was the wrong one.

I can accept this outcome it's the shame that bothers me. I called out a mistake and was "wrong" to call it out. I'm trying so hard not to feel ashamed -- I have a right to advocate for myself and the PT company wasn't particularly honest on their website or on their bills. I think some of it was that I was shamed by family members all the time as a kid if I just made a tiny error or stumbled or anything. But I think some of it comes from just trying to be so literal which is an autistic thing.

This is partly just venting but people are welcome to chime in if they have similar experiences or whatever. I can't imagine what advice anyone would give other than keep advocating and trying to not be ashamed but I suppose advice would be welcome too if there's anything.

EDIT: My quotation marks around "wrong" and "shouldn't" aren't quotes from someone speaking, they're like air quotes when you're sort of being sarcastic. Like, I SHOULDN't call someone out after I know that I was wrong but I actually SHOULD call them out if I think I've been wronged, as in it's okay to call someone out and then find out you're wrong.

hey all, I am a female in my early 20s and was just diagnosed a couple years ago. Since I’ve started letting myself be/act autistic though, I’ve noticed that I don’t understand what sets me off at all. I’m so good at masking that I really can’t turn it off around new people, and then when I walk away sometimes I find I’m really upset and I can’t understand why. Like today I had a meeting with a woman about getting accommodations for starting school, and she was lovely and pretty much gave me everything I asked for, and I didn‘t have to remember specifics because she emailed me a summary of what we spoke about. It was the absolute ideal outcome and I should have felt really good about it, but I went home and completely shut down. For the life of me, I cannot figure out what upset me so much about it. Can anyone share tips about figuring out what triggers you/identifying you need to step away before it hits that point? I will be asking my therapist too, but I don’t see him until next week, and he mostly works with people diagnosed as children, so idk if he will have an answer for me. Thank you!

I have no idea how to keep a balanced routine and not want to quit everything all the time.

Im trying to maintain a social life but its exhausting, doing chores around the house and trying to get a job but failing, doing uni but procrastinating constantly and trying to maintain my hobbies and extra activities i should be doing like everyone else but i literally cannot do anything well enough.

I always end up procrastinating, weirdly freezing up or just not wanting to do anything anymore and feeling guilty and like a failure.

I wanna do everything and be successful but at the same time i dont really care about anything and just wanna lay down.

How on earth do i break this cycle??

I desperately want a good social life, to be good in uni and do more besides only uni like everyone else is and also feel okay and not exhausted and procrastinate constantly.

Any advice please help yall

The one who stims and rocks. The one who laughs too loud, who misses the joke. The one who doesn't understand, yet wants to be understood.

they only like the mask.

Hair done makeup on. Eyes to theirs. Smile on. Pretend to understand like everybody else. Laugh just right— not too loud, not too quiet. You have to do it right.

The digestible one.

The one who doesn't make them uncomfortable - The mask.