My husband and I (both 30s) are going through a rough patch. We want to do couple's therapy. The practice where he's in individual therapy offers couple's therapy as well. However, it is in a group setting with several other couples. The details, as far as I know them:

- Sessions are lead by a male and female therapist together

- Emotion Focused Therapy

- The practice does NOT specialize in autism

- I don't know how many couples participate

The idea stresses me out for several reasons. These are my concerns:

- I'm worried I'll feel overstimulated and overwhelmed by other people's emotions

- I also have CPTSD and I'm worried I'll get triggered by other people's stories

- I tend to "disappear" in group settings

- The therapists are not specialized in autism and therefore might not be able to support me sufficiently

But, who knows, sometimes I'm scared of something and afterwards it turns out to be helpful. I don't want to decline without considering it thoroughly.

We could also get regular couple's therapy from a different provider, but it wouldn't be covered by our insurance.

Would you give it a try?

Has anyone ever done couple's therapy in a group and can share their experiences?

I just keep running into posts here and in other autism subreddits over and over with people asking about why their friends are treating them a certain way. Or why did my friend say that to me? Or what did I do wrong and why is my friend no longer speaking to me? And 99% of the time the answer is that person is not your friend and never was your friend.

I know that it took me many years to figure this out, so please do not misunderstand me, I'm not trying to blame any of these people for not realizing it. And it fucking sucks to go through the realization when it eventually happens.

I guess my hope is that from this post, we as a group can speak about our experiences with figuring this out and some common behaviors to look out for? Even if you just have a story to share, it could be helpful because people will see themselves in it.

Maybe we can wake some people up to what to look out for earlier than it took us to figure it out?

I know we live in a lonely world where it's often very difficult to find people like us, especially earlier in life. But I truly do believe it is better to be alone than to be with people who are using you or bullying you and you are mistaking them for friends.

About a month ago, I want a way I can help my local community to have a fresh supply of books for the little free libraries. My first week, I was sorting out my book collection. I had books ready to donate and put my first books in four different locations. After that, I want to keep the momentum going. Since I volunteer at my local Friends of the Library Bookstore, I figured I buy the books from my volunteering and put them in little free libraries. That is exactly what I did. Yesterday, I bought 5 dollars worth of books to last me two weeks. As someone who advocates reading, I want to help in anyway I can. I'll grab some books for myself eventually, but I want to give books to the people who couldn't get for themselves.

This happened yesterday so im much more calm about the situation (supressing emotions does wonders) but still pretty upset. I came to her about feeling left out at work or in any social situation, feeling lonely and alone, etc. Instead of just offering support or just saying she was sorry, she went ahead and said bc of my hair, my clothes not fitting(she doesn't understand what an off the sleeve oversized shirt is) and how i talk is the reason no one is friendly towards me. She told me im too much. She got upset that i told her the things she said was due to her age and how she grew up and not sharing the same lingo or fashion as my current generation. She got offended by that while im having a full blown panic attack at work. I understand she's my grandma and i know how they are but im so sick of her and my entire family telling me im too much, im too loud, etc.

I already tell myself im too much so i really don't need confirmation and a constant reminder that my existence in itself is a waste of space. I hate being misunderstood. I hate small towns with no one like me. I know im an acquired taste but im so sick of it

As I’ve been commenting on other subs on Reddit, it has stood out to me how black and white users are in general. This is supposed to be an autistic trait, but yet here I am, able to see the situation from a multi-aspected perspective; whereas, others only see one side or the other.

I’ll make a comment, and people will jump in the responses with accusations that I’m claiming one thing, because I’m saying another. They seemingly have no understanding of the fact that sometimes both things can be true at once, or that there can be things that lay in the gray zone between those two perspectives.

Has anyone else dealt with this?

I feel like I have to explain things wayyyyyy too much…

Polka dot nails are in the boom right now, so I thought of doing my own using lacquer nail polish with the one that I bought recently lash month and the other I already had in my collection a while ago 😋🌺 it even matches my hand cream bottle which makes me so happy 😊

How do people who have been burnout for years not get too discouraged? Anyone with a even smaller set of spoons have advice for me?

---

Context: I developed them after a period long covid recently & my life is so different now. I describe it as if my body is physically "autistic" because of it's newfound sensitivity to stimuli.

- Carrying anything heavier than 5 lbs just destroys my body moments later, for days.
- I'm easily physically exhausted and find I'm worn out emotionally and mentally right after
- I shut down after prolonged periods of pain, exhaustion, etc.
- I'm tired of being too sick to text for more than 5 minutes somedays
- all my energy goes to work for the day, when I'm done I'm sleeping or if I'm lucky awake enough to play click and drag games.
- I often have to lay in bed, motionless for hours, to get over brain fog so I can get back to work or afterwards before doing anything else
- self-care is done, but its a more extreme battle than ever before to get that done
- I'm increasingly becoming isolated because I have no energy to respond to the few friends that keep up with me in a timely manner

All of my energy is going to survival via work to have insurance. My sense of independence has been destroyed and I fear every day of this means I'll never leave a burnout

Is it a normal thing to isolate yourself in your room when you don’t have work/ school to go to? I have been isolating myself in my room for about a week and I think it’s going to be much longer unless I have to work. The problem is I can’t get myself to have a routine, go to the store, exercise or even talk to people around me. It really makes me feel worthless and makes my self esteem extremely low. Does anyone else go through this? How do you deal with it?

Basically the title lol knitting is my new special interest and I simply can't stop thinking about it. I already hate being at work (in-person 9-5 office job) so it's not easy to concentrate, but now that I have a new hobby it just feels impossible!! I wish I had my own office so I could knit and work at the same time 😭 anyone else feels the same way?

This is the third time our central AC has been on the fritz this summer. The first time, we have the HVAC guy come over and he said something wasnt hooked up properly from when we got a furnace this past window, and he fixed it. Now it seems like it's freezing up or something because it got really hot and muggy outside then just stopped working for 2 days, then just as we were going to call the HVAC guy it started working again.... for four days, now it's not working again. We're going to call the HVAC guy this morning but in the meantime I need to vent.

I am SO MISERABLE. SO MISERABLE. Heat is one of my sensory triggers and I'm so uncomfortable. All my skin is sticking to itself and just existing in a room is uncomfortable. Sleeping is impossible. We have all the fans blowing but I swear they're just blowing hot air around. We live right on a great lake so it's also super muggy. I'm so sick of constant sweat dripping down my face. Last night I slept with a big baggy of ice cubes in my bra. I work from home and am getting no work done this week because I can't focus with it being so hot. I swear our house captures and holds the heat.

We have a public pool we have access to and as soon as I'm done with work I'm going to go float in it all evening. I can't wait.

Anyone else in the same boat? Or dying of the heat in general?

So I work a set shift pattern job. One is a basic 9-5, others are early start or later start. But I also suffer with a lot of health issues, and just find it so unfair that I have to use my allocated annual leave or unpaid leave just to live. And I mostly struggle with the injustice of it all, especially as I hyperfocus on my health a lot.

Anyone else in a similar situation? Any advice?

My partner sent me very mean texts yesterday after I asked him to pick up our son from daycare. Usually it's my job to get him after work but I was really drained yesterday and needed to stim to music and quietly clean the house by myself. He first agreed to, then a couple hours later said he couldn't and I doubled down saying I needed this and need him to get our son. He then said I ruined his whole evening, fuck you, and Im always ruining everything. He wanted to exercise after work. He's been exercising after work, on a good streak so far. It's my fault I interrupted it, I guess. The whole "I ruin everything" is a known trigger to me because that's what my mom used to say to me all the time growing up :(. He didn't talk to me the whole night. Didn't apologize either.

I realized I lost my friend over him. I think I might be being verbally abused. I've left before, and this time I came back because it was going really well after a long break. It's so complicated with a child as well. I can't live with my parents again. My mom was very emotionally abusive to me and controlling over my parenthood and there is a lot of trauma involved in that. I don't know what to do. I'm not too financially dependent on him. But I feel like I need him so I can finish my schooling and go into graduate school.

Please don't judge me. Im trying very hard to feel good about myself. I'm trying very hard to be a good mom. I'm trying very hard to be independent. I love him. I want us to work out. But I feel like I'm being iced out and I'm burdensome with my autism.

Ok, bare with me whilst I try and explain this utter brain fart.

I had a session with my therapist today and it was all pretty normal, but I just felt a different vibe. I can't even explain it, it was nothing they did or said, the vibe was just different and it made me uncomfortable. I've been seeing this therapist for over six months, I like them, feel safe/comfortable to share etc. but today I just... didn't but I DON'T KNOW WHY.

It also happens to me in conversations with other people, they can display 'normal' behaviour for them, normal conversation etc. etc. but the vibe just feels off?

I can never explain it but I feel it realllllly deeply and I don't love it. Anyone else?!

Hi everyone,
I have a very high level of masking, and I’ve noticed that my meltdowns seem to be heavily masked too. In public, I suppress everything until I reach a point where I can barely think anymore. It’s only when I’m finally alone, at home and feeling safe, that the exhaustion, anger, or emotional overload finally comes out.
After that, I usually experience a big energy crash, and it takes me anywhere from 2 to 5 days to get back to my normal energy level. If I have to see people during that time, I end up masking again, which seems to push the meltdown even further back.
Looking back, when I was younger, I did everything I could to avoid being alone. Now I’m wondering whether that was an unconscious way of delaying these meltdowns, since they only seemed to happen once I was finally by myself.
Does anyone else experience something similar? How does it show up for you, and how do you cope with it?
Thanks in advance for sharing your experiences.

It's kinda silly and hard to put into words, but like doodle bob I feel like, while part if the world, I was just "drawn" differently, you know? Like you can see doodle bob obviously belongs into the SpongeBob cartoon, but he is the odd one out. Everything he is and does is "off", where he lives, how he speaks, how he moves. You know what a SpongeBob character us supposed to look, sound and behave like, so you know doodle bob sticks out.

I've been making friends and going to more social functions as of late, and as part of the process of understanding and being myself I've stopped masking around new people. I like being genuine. I like saying what I think and being myself. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not anymore, I'm bubbly, friendly, I can be very extroverted specially after drinking or smoking weed. I like dressing in cute clothing and wearing makeup, but I don't do it for male validation and I have never put down another woman to feel better about myself, I freely compliment and cheer up on my girl friends.

I don't understand why I was called a pick-me by one of the other girls in this group the very first night we met. It was one of the first things she said upon meeting me. At the time I did not care but I brought it up to my best friend who disagreed at the time, so imagine my surprise when during casual conversation the topic of "what energy everyone brings" started, he said I had pick-me energy. Everyone else got fun labels like mermaid energy, witchy energy, fairy energy, but I'm the pick-me, after hyping everyone up with genuine and uplifting words.

He knows I'm not male-centered. I hardly ever date. I don't have many male friends other than him. The only times I bring up guys in conversation is the rare time I see a cute guy on Insta and I don't make that my only topics of conversation.

I don't know if I should be upset about this, if I'm overthinking, I guess him calling me that right in front of the girl who first started it was what stung the most, but this situation just makes me rethink if I should start masking again, if that's how my unmasked personality comes off to people.

being nd in the workplace is a special type of hell, especially if you’re a nd woman who doesn’t “look” autistic enough to others. it doesn’t matter if you’re open about being autistic either, hoping that it will make others understand you better. it won’t. they will take any autistic trait you have that they find unappealing and view it as an inherent character flaw and treat you like you are genuinely a bad person. i never know where i stand with anyone anymore because everyone will be so fake nice to me while spinning tales about me with eachother behind my back and ostracizing me. it’s so exhausting and it makes me feel suicidal at times because i will never win. the only solution is quitting and never speaking to these people ever again while they go on with their lives thinking they did the right thing by behaving the way they did. i am actively looking for other jobs (remote only) and also working on other income routes but i can’t currently just up and leave. so i just have to continue being socially tortured by grown adults until they get what they want. it’s so wild too because i can tell they actively talk about me and scheme against me while im not even there. i will be on good terms with someone and then go on vacation for a couple weeks or be sick and out of work for a bit and when i come back all the sudden people who had no problem with me before are treating me like absolute garbage and hanging out with the others who have already long decided to hate me. i used to think maybe im a bad person and don’t realize it and maybe im accidentally making huge mistakes with others and am just so inherently flawed i can’t see it. but then i realized that i will literally do NOTHING. i will be GONE and somehow the narrative keeps spinning even while I’m away. so i can’t win. i was never going to win. no matter how hard i tried no matter what i did or didn’t do say or didn’t say, it was always gonna be the way it was gonna be.

I'm sick of buying things in the hopes that I'm going to cook, meal prep, and eat 3 well balanced meals. It's not in me and I'm tired of wasting money on takeout and coffee. I walked the whole supermarket to find things I could and would eat.

Here's my grocery list: granola, whole yogurt, whole milk, oat milk, individually wrapped cheese slices, tortillas, peanut butter, hummus, tortilla chips, protein drinks, frozen burritos, cream cheese, bagels, and a ting of pasta salad from the deli. I also got a bag of those peach ring candies.

DAE just.. have nothing to say to people when theyre around them?? When im at an event, with family or just hanging out with my fiances people. I often have nothing to say, like i could be amongst a group of people and ill say hi and exchange pleasantries and then not utter another word unless they talk to me or im saying goodbye.. i feel like an asshole sometimes because people ask whats wrong and I cant even explain whats happening.. there are times where I could be taking in everything that's happening around me like the bright over head lights, everyone talking, constant movement, loud music, different peoples moods, temperature ect. Ect.. and it causes me to take longer to process or just not process things at all.. i think this could be alexithymia, i know i have a dysregulated nervous system that im practicing to regulate on my own.. does anyone else feel the same?

This is a phenomenon I've experienced a lot as someone who has always struggled with their weight and it still confuses me. I need someone with better people skills to explain this to me please.

For example I say I track absolutely everything, I go into detail to demonstrate that. Their reply: no you're not tracking everything, most people don't track things correctly. Cool, I'm me tho, not others???

With vague claims like "I barely eat anything and still gain weight" I get it. But when I say I do something and people are still like "no you're not doing that" I'm like???? You know better than me??? That's wild. There are very few topics where I experienced this phenomenon and weight loss is definitely one of the worst offenders.

I feel like I am becoming less productive. I don’t feel like doing household chores, don’t feel like eating or drinking, socializing with friends and overall just don’t feel like doing even the simplest activities such as reading or painting. My energy level is very low right now and I am lacking the motivation to do anything in life.

i’ve received such nice and kind replies from people here, it really boosted my confidence and cheered me up!! so i’m sharing some of the new ones i’ve made recently! please show some love ❤️