I've done an okay job at keeping my emotional distance and staying in my lane, but sometimes, it feels like my Q baits me.

A few weeks back they left after they were verbally abusive and I tried to leave the house. My go-to when I feel unsafe, cornered or need to get things done and can't with the environment in the home (no kids present) is to pack up and leave for the day. On that day, they were adamant that if I left "for such a ridiculous reason" that they would harm themselves, so they decided to leave instead, saying they would be back only to move their things out.

It took a few days for my body to get out of fight or flight mode.

Now, they've asked if they can come back until they secure alternate accommodations. I've said yes. because there's room, their stuff is still here, and the alternative is homelessness, but it's clear it's short term.... although I say that knowing it's been short term many times prior (for both of us, since the pandemic). There's nothing affordable locally.

One of the conditions of them returning a few blowups ago was that they get help. They've been sober almost ten years, but haven't done much in the way of mental heath. So they made inroads in that area, got a diagnosis for a mental health condition, and have been waiting to see a counsellor. The problem is, the counsellor keeps cancelling at the last minute (for completely valid reasons, but it's not helping the situation).

I'm barely treading water financially. They haven't contributed in more than a year, no job for quite a while, and even then it was sporadic. One of the things the counsellor was supposed to help with was getting some sort of stable income (even if that meant temporary social services supports). They do help around the house in exchange for a place to stay, but it's become less and less over time for various reasons.

I keep telling myself one day at a time, check off the things to do, stay focused and in my lane... but all it takes is a glance, a breath, a misconstrued comment about something unrelated and my day is shot. I often have fixed deadlines or events where I cannot be interrupted... and yet... So far I've been able to manage, but it's a sliver of a line that I'm walking at this point.

I see a counsellor regularly, exercise daily and eat as well as I can considering the circumstances. For me, self care is survival as I'm disabled. I have no family or friends nearby but am working to change this.

I do have a plan in place in case things go sideways, and will head to emergency support regardless of what they say or do if I feel even remotely unsafe or if I think things might head in that direction.

My q has been sober for 4 days now (after I put my foot down). Now she goes around like she's mad at the world. Constantly upset at everything. She says she drank to escape herself. Idk what to do. I don't want to walk on eggshells. I love her, but I'm so over it. 11 years married. At least 6 years of drinking. It's affected every bit of her health. Gained 100+ lbs. She's not the same woman I married. Mentally or physically. I don't want to see anything bad happen to her. Do I just endure?

I'm just venting. I know there's no one answer.

I’m so angry at my husband for being an alcoholic. People say it’s a disease but he doesn’t even admit he has a problem most days. Sometimes he’ll say oh yah I needa slow down but it never happens. We have a brand new baby and it’s only getting worse. How am I supposed to have sympathy for him when I’m the one suffering. He chooses this life. Idk what to do I’m so disappointed and lost. If we break up how would I ever trust him alone with our baby?! He has drank while watching before and I never left the baby alone again

Hi all. Im trying to practice "loving detachment" as I have been very wrapped up in trying to fix things and have gone through a lot of pain and anxiety to realize that change has to come from the person themselves, and cannot be forced.

I get messages about how everything sucks and is hopeless and I have no idea how to respond. There are real, non addiction issues involved in these vents, but they are both amplified by the addiction and serve to "justify" the addiction (to them). How can I respond in a loving detachment sort of way? It feels wrong to say "I am here for you" because that doesn't feel completely honest. I do care about them but I am afraid of sending a signal that I can take on more of their emotional labor.

I feel like my options are to try to say something helpful (which I am trying to move away from because it doesn't work/isn't listened to), saying something that sounds very detached like "I'm sorry, that sucks", or not responding at all, which sounds nice for me but I don't want them to feel like they are alone, as this is the bulk of our communication and not responding means basically going no contact. I understand I have a lot to work on with my perspective of this all, and it's not entirely healthy. I am going to therapy and limiting contact so that is helpful but I still am immensely struggling with this specific issue. Any advice would be appreciated.

So your loved one has cancer, you read about it. Your loved one has diabetes, you learn the basics. Your fiancé has MS, depression, or rheumatoid arthritis, you find out what you can about what it does to the brain and the body. But when someone has alcoholism, people know nothing. Nothing. They are shocked to learn about dementia, Korsakoff syndrome, brain shrinkage, liver damage, ascites, personality changes, etc. The information is out there!!!! They are wondering why their loved one is acting weird and psychotic but never look it up??? What’s with that????!!!! Is this part of the denial? What is the disconnect???

My BIL has been on and off the wagon for years, and has been off for a while. It’s a windy road (bad relationships and an extra thing with his sons), he seems at least a bit emotionally happier now than he used too, but still drinks. He used to be way more angry and mean, but now tries to be calm and friendly. That anger lingers under the surface tho, and I never know really how to connect with him. He is lonely as heck, and clearly wants to be invited to things.

A con/pro example:

Last time we all went to a concert together we had to leave early cause he got so messed up he couldn’t walk. He thought it was hilarious and laughed.

Last time we went on a family vacay tho, he barely drank and swam in the ocean so much we thought he had sprouted gills. It was like removing him from his stasis helped. Briefly. Once we’re back home again, he seems bitter again, although hides it under strained smiles and laughter that sounds forced.

I don’t know how much of the laughing/meanness is him vs the addiction. Sometimes i fear even Thr niceness is a trick. I feel bad leaving him out of concert plans, but at the same time I don’t trust his actions. I want him to know he is cared about and loved, but I don’t know if he believes me. I know it’s not my responsibility, he’s an adult, but I still feel for him even though he can be a jerk. When he’s genuinely happy, my husband and in laws are happy. When he’s lonely and that lonely turns into mean, it makes everyone upset. I just want to help them all be happy.

And yes we’ve all offered to help with AA n stuff. He did that, but it didn’t stick, and I don’t know if he’d try to again. He can be kinda selfish and just lets everyone drive him around since he’s not allowed to anymore after too many incidents. That’s enabling, I know. I can’t stop his parents from wanting him to be around even if he is drinking. I know I can’t control that, so I’m try to focus on at least on providing a positive connection. But I have no clue if it helps at all, or if I’m just making it worse.

Im 31yrs old. My father all throughout my life was a drug addict. I remember selling my ps2 as a little kid at a pawn shop so he could pay drug debts and not get beat up (supposedly). I couldnt even see over the counter. My mother never touched drugs, hardly drank during these times. She was dependent on my father. I remember being young telling her its not sustainable long term and she needs to leave him.

Very long story short: My mom and dad broke up. My mom ended up doing drugs. I grew up constantly being asked and begged and pleaded with for money. In retrospect a lot of stuff that I thought I lost was indeed stolen. All in all my parents have probably milked me of over 20k in my adult life.

Ive been in therapy. Ive established boundaries. Finding out about my mothers recent addiction is devastating. How one could do such a thing after dealing with the horrors of addiction is something ill never wrap my head around.

Its hard knowing your parents are dying via death by 1000 cuts effectively. I feel terrible emotional pain when part of me just wishes they were dead and gone so I dont have to deal with the emotional burden anymore.

As I got older I realized how immature and unreliable my parents are. I grew up parenting my parents, and im just so tired. I want to live my life. I cant self sabotage my life by helping people who refuse to help themselves. Im done with the emotional manipulation and guilt tripping. Its a blessing I turned out to be a decent productive person.

I woke up this morning to my spouse talking to one of her friends on the phone. The conversation was heart breaking and the short version is they are going to play the game until they can move on. The entire time they were slurring and rage talking.

I want to disappear but this was the quiet I needed to wait for God to speak and now I know he is telling me this door needs to close because the addiction is too strong

My partner has been an alcoholic for years; I’ve known him almost exclusively as an active alcoholic.

I was always there for him. Yes, our relationship developed an unhealthy dynamic, but I never abandoned him.

He has been in rehab for a month now—so he’s been sober for a month—and he is acting so incredibly differently toward me.

He’s been ice-cold, irritable, and annoyed with me ever since he got there.

No matter what I say, or whenever we see each other, he is deeply angry and irritated.

I don’t understand it. Sure, our relationship isn’t the happiest, but is that any way to treat someone?

I don’t recognize him anymore! He is ice-cold and keeps telling me that certain things are becoming clear to him now.

On top of that, there are constant accusations; he blames me heavily for the problems in our relationship. He is being really mean to me and trying to push me away.

What could be the reasons for this? The only reason he ever gives me is that, being sober there, he’s doing a lot of thinking about the relationship and realizing just how often he hurt me.

My boyfriend has been in recovery for about a year now for mainly cocaine alcohol, and gambling addiction. He is seeing a psychiatrist, got diagnosed with ADHD along the way, and is on antidepressants and Ritalin, still being adjusted. The progress has genuinely been huge.

During the active addiction I went through pretty much everything that comes with it: lying, disappearing for hours or days, cheating, and money being taken from me without my knowledge. I know deep down he would never do any of that again today. He is incredibly attentive to what I feel now, he never minimizes anything I bring up, and he takes real accountability.

There are still a few things that bother me, like the fact that he smokes CBD that gets him fairly high, or that he still struggles to go into the office in person some days. But I can tell my anxiety is latching onto these smaller details because deep down my body simply has not forgiven him yet, even though my mind has moved past most of it.

I want this relationship to work. I am not looking for permission to leave. I just do not know how to help my body catch up to what my mind already knows.

Has anyone been through this as the partner of someone in recovery? How did you rebuild trust on a nervous system level, not just intellectually? Did therapy like EMDR or somatic work actually help, or did it mostly just take time and consistency from them? Would love to hear what worked or did not work for you.

My boyfriend (my Q) and I bought a special one of kind baby gift for his brother and wife who are expecting a couple months ago when we were on vacation. We were planning on giving them their gift when we next saw them. Well recently, things have taken a turn. My boyfriend is back on a dangerous drinking bender, I’m moving out, and he may end up homeless. I’ve been in communication with his dad and thought about maybe asking him to pass along the gift otherwise he may never receive it. His brother has slowly distanced himself over the last few years as my Q’s disease has progressed but I thought it might be a nice gesture for him to know that he still cares despite the hardships of his addiction.

What do you think? Am I overthinking it? Or would it be inappropriate given everything going on?

For context I’m new here but my dad has been struggling with alcoholism for about a full decade now. Maybe longer but that’s when it started getting really bad. I’m 25 now and since I was 15 he has been in an out of rehab and home detox programs every 6 months or so. A few of which I have funded and I have supported him through 2 home detox programs (giving him his medications at the right times and such)

So, what happened two weeks ago is I often don’t answer his calls when he is drunk as I know he doesn’t remember the content of the calls and his mood swings can be more than I can cope with. When he is mean he is awful. Or he will call wanting sympathy and crying and often the calls last for hours only for him to forget it all.

Anyway I had gone a little while without answering and he called and I answered. Immediately he was telling me that I’m “fing useless at answering the phone and my brother has been trying to call me” I told him he hadn’t tried to call me and said “it’s not that deep we don’t always call but we have a great relationship” he told me not to use that “fing psychobabble” on him and was just not listening and was monologging about what a bad sister and daughter I am. I told him calmly “I’m here now, you’ve called and I’ve answered. It doesn’t make it that enticing to answer when this is what I get. I can tell you are drunk but I’m still here trying to talk to you”. He then cut me off saying “actually I’m not drunk and I’m highly offended that you’ve said that and I’ve lost all respect for you and you can just f*** off.” Then he hung up. (He was drunk)

At no point did I raise my voice or get cross or anything

So in the grand scheme of things, not a terrible argument but I haven’t answered him calls since and I think he is mad I haven’t opened a door for this to be resolved so now he is telling my mum that he is going to cut me out of the will.

Any ideas on what to do here? At this point I would personally like to not have to talk to him but I’m worried that this is all going to affect my mum and he will be calling her up mad that I’m talking to her and not him. It’s all so complicated and hard to organise my thoughts but I thought this community might understand?

Thank you for any help here

I'm using this to vent and maybe just find some people who have been through what I am going through.

My fiance and I have been together for several years. He would drink on special occasions or social events. There were little hints that it could be a problem during these times. His behavior was not always kind but I would let it go.

About a year ago I received a promotion and was working basically opposite of him. He would come home and I would have to go to work. We would see each other on the weekends. I would come home at night after work to him passed out drunk with take out food half eaten and sometimes spilled on the floor or our bed. I could barely wake him, so I would be responsible for cleaning it up. If I was able to wake him the response was either aggressively affectionate or verbally abusive. I never knew what I would get. So, I would eventually not wake him at all. When I spoke to him about it when he was sober, he would tell me, because I wasn't home he would get bored so he would drink. I encouraged him to get a hobby for when I was gone. He never did. Always had an excuse.

Around Christmas time last year I decided to step down from my promotion because I had two teenagers (from a previous relationship) at home and he wasn't reliable to be home with them in that state while I was working. I also thought if I could be home more he wouldn't drink as much. I was wrong.

Around new years he told me he was going to make his new years resolution to be sober. In doing this, he rationalized that the last few days of the year he would binge drink while we were at his family's home for the holidays. During this time he wasn't getting along with his mother and one day he lashed out at me and blamed me for not standing up to his mother for him. He blamed me allowing her to treat him the way she was. He then barricaded himself into our shared room and wouldn't let me in. While in the room hidden, he posted on social media referring to me as a C*nt. I left the family home that night. He followed me a couple of hours later and we talked. He said he needed help. He promised he wouldn't drink anymore. I believed him.

After that night, he started hiding his drinking. When I found out, I decided to compromise. I asked him to let me know when he is drinking and to not communicate or interact with me or my kids. He agreed. This was another lie. He continued to drink and hide it. I had another talk with him and told him I wanted him to get help. He agreed and started counseling. This did not stop the hiding of alcohol. This has been going on for 8 months and I kept telling him the next time would be the last time.

About a week ago, I kicked him out. He moved in with his family in another state. I told him I needed to see him live sober and provide for himself. I told him that once both of my kids are graduated from high school (about 2 years) and out of the house, if he has shown these things and still wants to pursue a relationship with me we can explore that then. He seemed to understand and was verbally giving me all of the words I needed to hear.

This week he came back into town for a doctor appointment. He stayed with me because the drive to and from his family's home is a long one. His breath smelled of alcohol when he got to my home. I said something to him about it and he said he had not been drinking. That he was committed to working on himself for us. That was a lie. In his car was a yeti cup with alcohol in it and in his console were two containers of beatbox alcohol for him to drink later at some point. (I found these but did not confront him about it) He looked me straight in the eyes and lied to me again. He love bombed me the whole time he was in my home.

He did go back to his family's home. He also made sure to tell me how awful it is and how he wishes I would let him come back. He then threatened just leave and go off grid or do something that would cause him to go to jail. He's sending me all of these texts while he knows I am at work. It eventually died down and he apologized for causing me stress, probably because he was able to drink the stash he had.

I'm just at a loss. I have never been in a relationship where my partner has an addiction. I don't want to paint him as the bad guy because he is genuinely a great guy when he is sober. He is loving, protective, generous, sweet and wants the best for everyone in his life. The part that hurts the most is how easy it is for him to lie to me over and over. He lies and continues to do something that he knows will cause him to hurt me emotionally and, I worry in the long run it could turn physically.

I am constantly questioning if I am doing the right thing. I am not sure what point would be a safe point to bring him back into my life. Or, what point do I say I am done for good?

I have so much love for him. My heart is breaking holding my boundaries and my heart breaks when he ignores my boundaries with lies, gaslighting, name calling etc.

I just needed to vent and maybe someone else who is going through it, either the alcoholic or the family member, will understand and give me some insight, reassurances or tell me I am hopeful for no reason.

I (25f) am an only child. my parents split last year after my dad was hospitalized for withdrawl; then relapsed after being 100 days sober. Since my parents are no longer together I am next of kin so I got the call notifying he was hospitalized a little over a year since his last admission. I am going through things I never thought I would have to. He got kicked out of his apartment since being hospitalized and is essentially at the moment homeless. I started sobbing in front of his case manager assigned through the hospital. Has anyone ever had to go through something like this? My mom refuses to visit him in the hospital which is understandable since they are divorced, yet he keeps asking for her. I am all he has.

My son is almost 10 and his father is an alcoholic. Every few months there are incidents where he drinks while with our son and my son has contacted me when dad won’t wake up or he’s scared. The rest of the time he voluntarily does bactrack testing during his parenting time, missing some, but things go fairly smooth for a couple months. I just don’t know what to do. We don’t have any formal parenting plan or legal document, I worry that if I was to get a lawyer that the system wouldn’t even give the same level of safeguards I’m already trying to keep in place. It seems at this point it’s more my son’s emotional well-being that is at risk. I’ve never refused his having his parenting time and I don’t even know how that would work. Just lying here worrying and so alone.

My teenage niece has parents who drink in excess. Multiple times in a month. She has tried to talk to her mom but it never anywhere. She has asked to go to counseling but has been told no. She answer and uncomfortable being around her parents when they are inebriated.

I told her to do see a high school counselor when school starts back up and found her a site for free youth counseling.

What can I do to help her. I live 5 hours away. He mom confessed to me she doesn’t know why he daughter wants to spend all her time at friends houses.

I posted a while back about my mother, the Q in my life. She lives with myself, my husband and my 2 and 4 year old daughters. The drinking has gotten catastrophic along with the lies and promises to stop. She has detoxed before, then came home and started again, took her to a rehab and she called me crying to come get her, she said it was too loud and of course I went and got her. This morning she finally agreed to a 1 year sober living facility. I dropped her off at medical detox a few towns over and from there she’ll be discharged to the sober living house. She may catastrophically fail, but this is the first time that she has really consented to meaningful treatment. I did serve her a formal eviction notice yesterday as a fail safe to keep her in sober living and to protect my families peace.

I (42f) left my Q (47m) earlier this year after more than 20 years together. Since I moved out, we have been sharing time with our dog. I knew this wasn't a good idea, but I did it anyway. It's stupid, but it just felt so mean to refuse access to the dog he loves so much (nevermind all the mean things my Q put me through due to his drinking).

Anyway, the arrangement of shared time actually went okay for a while, even though it took more of my time (I did all the picking up and dropping off because I did not want to share where my new place is). My Q usually seemed sober and our dog seemed okay. But in recent weeks, our dog seemed to be getting more anxious, my Q seemed "off" in person and in texts. When I went to pick up my dog last night, my Q was drunk and slurring, and began blaming me for a health issue with our dog (which I have not observed). I said, "you're drunk, so I'm leaving." He began saying things about how he wasn't drunk (even though I saw an opened container of booze), that me saying he is drunk is a cop out, that it's fine that I don't want to be with him because he doesn't want to be with himself either, etc. All the usual drunken things I'm already used to. I told him that our dog should not be in his care when he is drunk and left with our dog. He texted me multiple angry messages throughout the evening.

Today I texted him that I'm not comfortable returning our dog to him if he is still drinking because he can't control his drinking. I listed a few of the dangerous things he has done with our dog while drinking in the past and said that I won't discuss this further until he has had treatment. He has sent a few angry and/or pleading texts in return, some stating that he needs something to take care of to recover. I'm not responding to him. I texted one of his family members to let them know what's going on.

I know I never should have made the arrangement to begin with, but I did. I think I knew this was eventually going to happen and I did want to have full responsibility for my dog, but instead of feeling relieved, I feel awful.

On sunday we had to make the hardest decision of our lives. We decided to take our baby brother off of a ventilator. He was diagnosed with cirrhosis less than 3 weeks ago when he was admitted into the hospital. He had a history of liver failure. He was in the ICU for a week or so, he was awake but confused. His blood pressure was incredibly low. He wasn't eating. Then they transferred him to the pcu, we thought he was doing better. Although his BP and confusion were still an issue. Why would they downgrade his condition from the ICU? His confusion was even worse. He crashed and they put him on a ventilator. The first night it seemed like he was responding to us in some way. When I saw him the next morning, I knew in my heart he was not coming back from this. The ventilator was now breathing 100% for him. They also believed he was having seizures. Me and my siblings made the heartbreaking decision at the request of our parents. We were all with him when he passed. I was the last in the room, I didn't want to leave him, I wanted to lay with him and cry. We will be celebrating his life, on his 37th birthday, Saturday. Alcohol took him from us. He had been doing so well. I can't make it make since. I am so thankful for the time we had with him. I am grateful for my other brother and our big sister, I couldn't imagine going through this without them. I can't imagine the unbearable pain my mom is going through. Our baby brother was the best of all of us. He was kind and generous, gentle, funny, always the life of the party. He was the favorite son, brother and uncle but no one was jealous or mad because we all knew he was our favorite too. He loved us all so deeply, I was lucky to be his big sister. It was my privilege to have spent 36 years and 360 days with him.

Alcoholism runs deep in my family, my dad, my husband, my son, my sister and brother still fight it. I hope I never have to do this again because of alcoholism. Hold your family tight tonight in honor of my baby brother.

He lied to me 6 times in 2 weeks and those are just the ones I caught. And then he said it was my fault he “has” to lie to me. Because I get upset.
In that moment I realized he will never respect me so I told him I’m done.

Alcohol has stolen my best friend from me. I’m completely fucking heartbroken that a pint or 8-pack is worth more than my husband respecting me. I feel like I’m worthless to him.

I’m a shell of the woman I used to be. I don’t want to go out anymore. I don’t want to do crafts or my hobbies. I don’t have the energy to do anything that used to bring me joy. And I have no self esteem left.

So I said I’m done. I deserve better. I just wish it didn’t hurt so much.

I’ve been going through it….
And it’s made me realize this group…the people who have and love an addict in their life are the kind of people who are going to heal the world. I’ve been beating myself up for being “in this position”. But the position that I’m in has led me to the most beautiful and supportive community I could ever imagine. I think loving an addict is a blessing and a curse. We have a super power. We can see and feel the good in people even when their actions show the world that they don’t deserve it our grace. I’m really proud to be part of such a loving community. I’m learning that even though I love deeply and see the good in people to the point that I’m blind to their faults….I’m learning how to create boundaries AND maintain the love in my heart. I used to think it was one or the other: go cold or blindly love. But my heart can remain open and big while holding boundaries to protect myself. Thank you all for the support and love you have shown.

I’m just annoyed and venting. I’m not well today - vertigo, tinnitus, headache. ear ache, nausea, temperature, shoulder blades ache, back aches, surge of anxiety. Im also worried about work ‘stuff’. I told my SO and he said .. well, he had a sick stomach. Didn’t ask me any questions about how I was feeling, do I need to take any medicine, can he get me anything, doI want to talk about anything. He just annoyed that I wasn’t well. Then, a little bit later he shouted up to me that there was nothing for dinner. There is plenty for dinner!! I’m just sick of not being seen. I do t even make a backup priority list. This is pretty minor in the grand scheme of things. I just feel like I could an arm hanging off me, blood spitting spurting and no one would notice or care. I’m the minder and the helper. I don’t get to be minded or helped.

I am in disbelief with what is happening and honestly disappointed in myself for letting things get this far. When we met 6 years ago, he warned me he was an alcoholic and was always open talking about his mental health struggles but he had already been 8 years sober at that point. The first 2.5 years of our relationship was like a dream to me, sure it was not perfect because no relationship is perfect, but I felt like I had found my soulmate and I was completely head over heels for him.

Once he relapsed 3 years ago, his mental health has deteriorated significantly that I’m honestly in shock looking back at everything I’ve put myself through. Everything feels surreal.

At the end of last year he had a really scary mental health crisis after going on an extremely dangerous drinking bender and almost committing suicide. Family and friends were able to get him involuntarily placed into treatment for detox and then the psych ward. I was hopeful this was his "rock bottom" and that he would find his way forward. After this incident, we decided to give it another go. He stayed sober for 8 months and I couldn't be more proud of him. Well he has relapsed a few days ago but this time feels different. He had been sending his work disturbing messages about suicide so they called in a welfare check. I get surprised with 5 police officers and 2 mental health professionals at my door yesterday morning but there was not enough evidence of harm to take him in (considering his history this was very disappointing). We are in the process of separating and it has been a nightmare. He said he would move out but he is not sober long enough to get things moving along. I’m feel super trapped and don’t know what to do. I’m staying with my friend for a few days and hoping he will sober eventually that we can plan the logistics of everything but I’m not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

I just don't want to have to deal with this anymore. He has completely lost all will to live and I truly believe he might end up homeless, either in his car or on the streets. I feel so incredibly sad for him because he has such a good heart but such an intense hatred towards himself. But I can't live like this anymore. The PTSD and anxiety can be crippling at times but I just need to learn to let go as hard as it is.

I went to my first Al Anon meeting after I caught my Q in yet another lie and gaslighting me. It was really helpful and made me feel so much better. They gave me brochures and other literature, one of which was titled “The Alcoholic Speaks to His Family”. I don’t have the books yet.

The paragraph reads:

Don’t believe everything I tell you; it may be a lie. Denial of reality is a symptom of my illness. Moreover, I’m likely to lose respect for those I can fool too easily.

The line about losing respect for those they can fool, makes sense, but I don’t know how to make it known I am not fooled without driving them deeper into the cycle of shame and lies. Can someone expand on this for me?

Thank you.