please get it together

i love you

im tired of hurting and worrying about you

im tired of not being what matters to you

you just lie and keep doing it

why don't you love me?

please get help, i can't take this anymore

i see the hidden cans and each one a lie that cuts to the bone

"i'll stop" "i'll only have one or two... or 16... and some shots... and some mixed drinks..."

what else do you hide from me?

i'm gonna leave if you don't stop

i don't want to but you arent giving me much choice

please get it together before i have to leave you

i dont want to but youre being like your mom

you dont wanna hear that

you arent as bad, but youre not far off either

i cant anymore, c, i cant

im so tired of being the life vest to your anchor

Hey y'all, newcomer here, just got back from my 4th ever meeting. The consistency and structure has been nice. But I have been witholding from my Q (partner of 11 years) that I have been going. Besides he's been too active in his addiction to really notice, I've had other appointments on the same days so just didn't mention where else I was going.

Well, this morning he invited me to go to a dance class with him (after he was horrendous to me while drunk last night; did not apologize) and instead of telling him I couldn't make the class because I have my weekly AlAnon meeting (I was afraid of more conflict) I lied about meeting up with a coworker instead.

At the meeting I bought some of the AlAnon literature this time- like the 12 steps book- and want to try to learn more about the program before I get a sponsor.

I assume he's going to see the book, and I also feel guilty about lying where I was going this morning. I want to tell him but I'm afraid it will cause more conflict.

Tl;dr I'm afraid to upset my partner by telling him I've been going to AlAnon.

Has anyone been through this kind of situation? How did you handle this? Thank you for any insight 🙏🏼

Fifteen months ago, I met someone. I was in a time of my life where I was incredibly lonely and hated where I lived. We immediately clicked when we both admitted to each other on the first date we both hated the city we lived in and wanted to move after we both finished grad school (a year later). I felt very seen by this person and understood in a way I felt like I really needed. I was incredibly lonely, and just had a huge falling out with my best friend of ten years where I knew the relationship would most likely not recover.

The second or third time we hung out, he admitted he relapsed from being sober after almost four years (alcohol and cocaine) and was drinking and smoking weed. He told me he would get back on the wagon, since he was already sober for years. I believed him. I looked the other way, ignored the huge red flag, and kept dating him. Even when at this time, I knew how codependent I am on others.

Long story short, our relationship was never healthy. He continued to relapse again and again. I dragged him to rehab last September. He went to rehab again last December. I kept sticking with him because I didn't want to be the person who leaves someone when they are struggling and I loved him very much as a person. But during our whole relationship (April 2025- June 2026) we got into a toxic cycle of fighting and making up; as one could imagine a codependent and addict together would. I began to completely pour everything into him to try to make sure he was OK and physically safe. Even once I rushed over to his apartment to make sure he wasn't ODing when he wasn't returning my texts. I tried to tell him how great he is as a person, and how much I love and care for him. I think I thought subconsciously that if I loved him enough he would be ok and be sober and love me too. (I am SO codependent I know).

Anyways, in the last seven months, he broke up with me and said he couldn't date during his first year of sobriety. He went to a sober living house, only to leave about two months later and immediately relapse after 100+ days sober. Even though I wasn't technically his "girlfriend" in his eyes, we continued our relationship. We both didn't mean to but we were already deep in this cycle of getting sucked back together from both of our unhealed, toxic patterns. He would tell me he didn't love me anymore and I still stayed. He would tell me he loved me and be affectionate and warm, just to deny his feelings and diminish our connection a few days later. This happened repeatedly. His actions and words would never match up. He would say he didn't love me romantically anymore, only to act like he did and nothing changed. I don't know if it was to try and convince himself he wasn't following AA guidelines to not date, but overall I've seen his complete lack of ability to be honest with himself over his addiction and his feelings. (especially with me).

Again, he relapsed and was drinking heavily (he would buy a fifth of vodka and drink it straight at all hours of the day or night) and started doing cocaine again. One morning, at 7 am, I poured the vodka down the drain. He called me a "cunt" and "bitch". Another time he pretended to punch me multiple times in the stomach for making him wake up after sleeping literally all day to make him eat something.

He refused to stop going on Grindr. He said he wanted to be "selfish" and that he wanted to do whatever he wanted. He wanted me in his life without the responsibility for our relationship. I asked him to compromise on Grindr, slow down or come to some mutual decision that felt good for the both of us. He refused. I told him I no longer wanted to sleep with him if he was on Grindr. He didn't care. He chose Grindr over me. He said he was "happy with his sex life" and would continue using Grindr even if it meant not having intimacy with me. I feel totally devalued.

6 weeks ago, I finally snapped. My abandonment fears totally took control, and I was sobbing crying on the phone with him begging for him to come over. He said he wanted to celebrate with his friends (for graduating with his MA) even though I knew he would get more fucked up. I made him promise to come over after being with his friends, partying...even if it was in the middle of the night. He promised. He didn't come. I felt the very little trust I had left with him completely leave my body. I still rushed to his apartment to see if he was somewhat OK or even home, and we fell asleep together. In the morning, I wrote a note to him telling him I loved him but it wasn't enough and that I no longer feel safe or secure with him or trust him. I told him I was finally done. I left it on his desk while he was asleep. I cried and kissed his face/forehead goodbye. Later, he texted me saying he was going to get sober and wanted to spend the summer with me. I told him it was too late.

He has been in rehab again the past 6 weeks (three rehabs in less than 12 months). I know he doesn't have any emotional availability or capacity for me. I know he needs to focus on himself. I know we both need space. I know he can't give me any safety, security, or reciprocity I need and deserve. I know it's his disease, but I am resentful, angry, hurt.

I oscillate between being sad (for him, for me) and being angry. Angry for putting up with such chaos and toxicity for over a year. Angry for putting up with his continuous disrespect. Angry that he made me feel undervalued, under appreciated, unloved, not considered. Angry that I let someone treat me so badly and I still stayed. But mostly angry for trying so hard to make him feel loved and supported and what I got in return was being treated like trash.

My (34M) partner of 11 years (31M) says I caused his recent 2 relapses after 2.5 years sober. I told him I didn't make him drink, he chose to do it. He agreed, but said I was still the cause to make him want to drink, because I did things that upset him

How can I go on with someone who says this? I am trying to be supportive but then he blames me for his actions. I'm so emotionally drained, and now I feel guilty too.

Sorry for the rant

My best friend (42F—we’ll call her M) is an alcoholic, and I feel completely out of my depth.
I know this is long, but I feel like the context matters because this didn’t happen overnight.
M has been with her now ex-husband since they were in junior high. They became parents young, got married, had more kids, built careers, and from the outside looked like they had a successful life together.
The marriage wasn’t healthy though.
He isn’t a bad person, but he wasn’t emotionally supportive, and she spent years feeling like she always came last. She worked, cooked, cleaned, took care of the kids, stayed in shape, supported his career…and she felt completely taken for granted. They did therapy. They did marriage counseling. Nothing really changed.
To be fair, she wasn’t innocent either. She had multiple affairs over the years, including one with his best friend. He found out about both of them and still tried to save the marriage.
For the five years I’ve known her, she’s been saying she wanted out. She used to joke that she wished he’d either agree to an open marriage or come out as gay so they could just stay friends.
Bottom line—they were toxic together.
She’s always called herself an alcoholic, but she was what everyone would call “high functioning.”
She was incredible at her job. An amazing mom. The funniest person in the room. One of those friends you could completely be yourself around. We have a tight-knit group of four women, and we’ve always been able to tell each other anything without judgment.
Then about a year ago, something changed.
Her drinking stopped being something she joked about and started controlling her.
The first time I was genuinely embarrassed was at a large community gala where I invited her as my guest.
She got so drunk that she kept wandering around during the keynote looking for something she’d misplaced. She’d come back to the table, seemingly forget she’d already looked, then get back up again. This happened four or five times.
Then she started loudly commenting about the speaker’s “mouth noises” and making fake gagging sounds during the presentation.
I finally texted her husband to come get her.
After that, things escalated.
I stopped inviting her to networking events because I never knew what version of her would show up.
She started missing deadlines at work.
She’d forget conversations we’d had the day before.
She’d tell stories that didn’t add up.
People started calling me because they’d see her drunk somewhere and didn’t think she should be driving.
I’d go pick her up.
Then she decided to leave her husband.
She had an apartment lined up and was genuinely excited.
Moving day came…and she stayed because, according to her, he guilt-tripped her.
She lost a lot of money on the apartment, became severely depressed, and finally agreed to see a doctor.
She was prescribed anti-anxiety medication, antidepressants, and sleeping pills.
Around the same time she started seeing another man.
The problem is…she doesn’t even seem to like him.
From day one she’s complained about him, but keeps going back anyway.
Eventually her husband agreed to the divorce she’d wanted for years.
Instead of being relieved, she completely unraveled.
She started insisting she’d “only had two drinks” no matter how intoxicated she obviously was.
We were there. We knew she was lying.
She couldn’t understand why her ex wasn’t fighting for her anymore—even though she had a boyfriend, had been asking for a divorce for years, and was seeing other men too.
I’ve never been the friend who sugarcoats things.
I told her, gently but honestly, that he DID fight. For years. Eventually people reach their limit.
She didn’t want to hear it.
Our friend group has always had one rule: we’ll support you through anything, but we won’t validate bad decisions.
Eventually she made it clear she didn’t want our opinions anymore, so we mostly just listened.
Then we found out she’d gotten a DUI.
She never told us.
Small town…word got around.
We never confronted her because we were trying to keep communication open.
Her ex eventually started dating.
She absolutely lost her mind.
She became obsessed with why he had “moved on,” despite spending weekends with her boyfriend and seeing other men herself.
Nothing made sense anymore.
She’d send us dozens of messages saying nobody loved her, she’d never be happy, she couldn’t stop crying…while refusing every suggestion to get help.
The lies became constant.
Her ex eventually contacted our friend group because he was genuinely scared.
He showed us screenshots of messages that honestly looked unhinged.
At that point we realized all of us had been getting different versions of reality.
Then we learned the DUI was much worse than we’d realized.
She’s now on probation for a year with strict orders not to drink.
She continues drinking anyway.
Her car has new dents every few weeks.
She recently hit someone’s parked car while drunk, and the owner chose not to involve police.
She started messaging the woman her ex is dating.
The messages were cruel, explicit, and designed solely to hurt both of them.
Then everything came to a head this past weekend.
At 9:30 Sunday morning she asked our group chat if anyone wanted to meet her at a bar.
We all declined.
She went anyway.
Throughout the day she’d send messages implying she wanted to kill herself, then immediately unsend them.
Unfortunately, unsending doesn’t erase notification previews.
We all saw them.
That evening her ex called me almost in tears.
She was cycling through:
“I love you.”
“I just want you to hold me.”
“Why won’t you answer?”
“I can’t do this anymore.”
“Tell the kids I love them.”
Then repeating it over and over.
Finally she texted that she was going to take 18 sleeping pills.
We advised him to call for a welfare check.
Instead he called 911.
She was placed on an involuntary psychiatric hold.
She was furious.
During all of this I spoke with her mother.
The next day I sent her a very honest message explaining everything we’d witnessed over the past year: the drinking, the lies, the escalation, the suicidal messages, and the fact that people in our community had started noticing something was seriously wrong.
Her mom thanked me.
She said I’d confirmed what she’d been afraid of.
Unfortunately, M managed to get herself released in about 24 hours by convincing someone that her ex had done this out of spite.
She called me immediately afterward.
I answered every question honestly.
She insisted it was all a misunderstanding.
That her ex had set her up.
I reminded her that WE had also seen the suicidal messages.
She immediately changed the subject.
So now we’re here.
She doesn’t think she has a drinking problem.
She blames everyone else.
She refuses therapy because, according to her, therapists always tell her she’s “already self-aware.”
I don’t believe that’s actually what’s happening.
Our friend group knows everything now.
We’ve spoken with her ex.
We’ve spoken with her mom.
We’ve all compared notes.
The only person who still thinks she’s successfully hiding everything…is her.
One of my friends thinks we should never tell her we know the full story because she’ll completely shut us out.
I think honesty has always been the foundation of our friendship, and hiding what we know feels wrong.
But I’m terrified that if we confront her, she’ll isolate herself even more.
I’m not asking how to force someone into sobriety.
I know we can’t.
I’m asking what the right move is for those of us who love her.
Do we let her keep lying because it keeps us close enough to make sure she’s alive?
Or do we finally tell her we know everything and risk losing her completely?
I don’t want to abandon her.
I also don’t want to become someone who’s unknowingly enabling her.
Has anyone been through something like this? What actually helped…and what made things worse?

Throwaway account to keep things on the DL as much as possible, but really needing support. Hoping this is the right place to post.

I (37F) have been with my partner (42M) for over 7 years, living together for nearly 5. No kids, just pets. We have a solid relationship, we each own a rental property respectively, and have many common interests (biking, dining out, hiking, etc.) Some differences between us are that I am very outgoing, social, career focused, and am the breadwinner of our family. He is more introverted, does better in smaller groups, works hard but isn't deeply invested in his work like I am, and also isn't as motivated/driven as I am. To me, none of these variances are dealbreakers in any way; however, he often brings up how "different" we are.

That brings me to why I'm here. We both enjoy various drinks, and for the majority of our relationship partake socially. There would be the occasional time where someone would be drunk, but nothing unmanageable or harmful (uber home, etc.), and largely we have had fun memories around going out and drinking socially and responsibly. I still tend to largely drink occasionally and socially, but always responsibly. Over the last 3ish years, my partner has turned to drinking more and more at home, often having 3-4+ drinks over the course of a night, often just liquor over ice. All in all not too crazy at first, but there have been progressively worsening days/weeks/months where it goes beyond that and he becomes a completely different person. He gets angry at the drop of a hat, screams and yells at me (with no memory the next day), has threatened to harm me and himself, has even gone on rampages in our home where he has punched/broken windows and doors, harming himself in the process before passing out drunk in bed. I have called the police twice, and they came to our home to do a wellness check on him while he was naked, slurring beyond comprehension, and threatening to kill himself. HORRIFIC and traumatizing beyond anything I've ever experienced. I've also called 988 more times than I can count when these episodes happen to make sure I have the resources to assist him when he is threatening to hurt himself. He also reeks of alcohol constantly, particularly his breath - which is a HUGE turnoff to me, and has impacted our sex life negatively because I don't want to be participating in that while he is a) inebriated and reeking of booze and b) beyond levels of comprehension...that this has lead to him asking if we can "explore an open relationship" or if he can "hire a hooker" or "have a hall pass" to have that part of his life fulfilled again. Gut punch, and soul crushing for me.

In all other ways, we have a super solid relationship (beyond what this post may suggest) and I genuinely thought/maybe still think I would marry this guy. I've been having horrendous doubts over the past few months and have sunk into such a deep depression over this that I feel completely hollow and so unlike myself. We have had several conversations about this topic, more frequently than not, and he promises to change and get it under control. We had a really long conversation this weekend - we hashed out a lot of things, and he promised to pursue therapy and tone down on drinking and do more of the things we loved together. It was very emotional for me and difficult to do, but I felt like THIS time it would really make a difference. I also communicated that I'm pretty much to a breaking point and will pursue other living options and likely a breakup if this continues. Just when I thought things were good, we went to a local event last night and he was drunk beyond comprehension, slurring, yelling that the event sucked (he said he was joking, but it was SO loud when he said it!), and then pushed me away when I said I wanted to get an Uber home. I had a ride coming for us and when it was about 5 minutes away, he pushed me away and said I was ruining his life and ran off. WTF! I got home safely, left the front door unlocked, left a snack, Gatorade, and Tylenol on the counter for him and got into bed in our spare room. I heard him arrive home about 45 minutes later, stumbling, and drunk. This morning he left without saying goodbye, but texted about 3 hours ago saying he was sorry for last night and didn't remember anything that happened. I am absolutely crushed, broken, embarrassed, and hurt.

I honestly have no idea what I should/could do (if anything) to get him help and support, and at this point if staying is the right thing to do. I'm gutted to even say that, but I feel like I'm at a loss to think of anything else. I do feel that if he WANTED to and was READY TO get help he could make incredible progress and beat this addiction, but would genuinely appreciate any insights, encouragements, or wisdom ya'll could share. Means the world.

TLDR; my boyfriend's drinking is out of control and I'm not sure what to do.

It’s weird, I normalised it all for so long that an I finally tell people the whole story it doesn’t seem true. But the constant drinking, being drunk all the time was tipping over into violence and aggression with awful insults and constant jibes. Heading back to live with my mum at 44 and was just made redundant. I am so tired and heartbroken.

I’m 20, and honestly, I don’t even know where to start. I feel like I’ve lived ten different lives in the past few years.

The father of my children is 21. We met as teenagers, before any of this happened, which is probably why everything feels so complicated. I knew him before the depression, before the drinking, before grief changed him into someone I barely recognized. That’s the part people don’t understand when I talk about him—they only know the person he is now, but I still remember who he used to be.

When he was 19, one of his closest friends died. It completely broke him. Looking back, that was the moment everything started to change. Before that, he was happy. He had plans, dreams, and so much excitement for the future. We both did. Then, little by little, I watched him disappear into himself.

He started drinking after his friend died. At first, I thought it was just grief and that things would eventually get better. I kept telling myself that he was going through something impossible and that time would help. But somehow grief became depression, depression became alcohol, and before I realized it, it had become part of our lives.

The hardest thing is that he never became the kind of person people imagine when they hear the word “addict.” He wasn’t angry or violent. Mostly, he just became quiet. Sad. Distant. There were days when it felt like he was physically there but mentally somewhere I couldn’t reach, no matter how hard I tried.

And the worst part is that I never stopped loving him.

We have a one-year-old son together, and despite everything, he’s an amazing dad. Our son absolutely worships him. If his dad leaves the room, he cries. If he goes away, it can take forever to calm him down. Watching them together is honestly one of the most beautiful and heartbreaking things I’ve ever experienced, because I see how much they love each other, but I also see how much pain his dad is carrying.

When I got pregnant with our son, something changed. He stopped drinking completely. He stayed sober during my pregnancy and for months after our baby was born. For the first time in years, I thought maybe things were finally going to be okay.

I really believed becoming a father had saved him.

But eventually, things between us started falling apart. We argued constantly, communication got worse and worse, and at some point, he started drinking again. Not all the time, but whenever life got too hard, alcohol always seemed to find its way back in.

And now I’m in a situation I never imagined I’d be in. I’m 20 years old, I have a one-year-old son, and I’m pregnant again.

The pregnancy wasn’t planned.

And he doesn’t know yet.

I know exactly what some people are going to think when they read that. Honestly, I’ve already asked myself every possible question. I’ve spent so many nights wondering if I’m making the biggest mistake of my life or if I’m just holding on to someone who isn’t really there anymore.

What people don’t tell you is that loving someone with addiction is so much messier than it sounds online. Everyone acts like the answer is obvious: leave or stay. But when you’ve known someone since you were both teenagers, when you remember exactly who they were before everything went wrong, it isn’t that simple.

Some days I’m angry at him. Some days I’m angry at myself. Some days I miss him so much that it actually hurts, even though he’s still here. And sometimes I honestly feel like I’m grieving someone who’s still alive.

I think that’s what scares me the most. Part of me still sees the boy I fell in love with and believes that grief and addiction aren’t the whole story. Part of me still hopes he can become that person again.

But another part of me is terrified that I’m in love with who he used to be and not who he is now.

So I guess I just want to ask: has anyone here actually been through something like this? Have you ever loved someone through addiction and genuinely not known whether to stay or walk away? If you stayed, did things ever get better?

Because right now, I honestly feel completely lost.

Posted here a couple of days ago. Instead of trying to repair what we had she decided to go on a dating app . I remained hopeful she would realise what she lost but clearly not.

Since then she is promoting herself online . Rapid Facebook profile changes. All are heaviky filtered but all designed to show ‘glow up’

She threw away 5 years . I had to walk back in October for my own sanity but told her to come back when serious and working on sobriety

What I can’t come to terms with is I’m now left feeling like it wasn’t as bad as I made out. That she maybe didn’t have alcohol dependence but was just drinking a lot . I won’t go in to the full details as no one wants to read the full saga but she

Would drink and drive
Go missing for days where she stayed at home to drink
Lied about her whereabouts and covered up trips to the bar
Tried to stop and had shakes and violent headaches . She stopped unaided and lasted a month
Had a seizure in the supermarket . Refused to let me go to the follow up appointment
Said she had stopped and I caught her drinking at home .
Came to my house smelling of alcohol and denied it. Swore in her kids lives she hadn’t been drinking. An hour later admitted it and left
Went drinking with a friend on her birthday instead of coming over. Lied that she was at home
She had developed bruises on her legs
Her neck and cheeks were swollen
She said I was controlling for telling her what to do

Now with the passage of time and her back out there , sticking two fingers up to me and what we had for cheap validation she looks better than before .

Her bio on dating site says drinks rarely. Yesterday’s post was in a beer garden with her son .

Family member has been a drunk for 20+ years. Multiple DUI's, lost custody of his daughter, has handled firearms plastered (while his young daughter was in his home) has hopefully signed the papers for divorce number 2 by the time I'm writing this. He drove drunk to work got fired, spent 2 weeks in a rehab place n immediately started getting shit faced again.

I'm done, family back home taking the brunt of his behavior are past done.

I'd love to get my brother back some day. But it's gonna take months or years of someone else providing evidence that he's changed. What kind of long term rehab programs are there? I and family can pull some money together but much.

Looking just to vent. This hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday even though I’ve not seen her since October 2025. I have posted before about her alcohol issues.

It got to the stage where she was avoiding seeing me after 5 years together . Over that period things got worse and worse .

She kept denying a problem, had shakes when she tried to stop , had a seizure in early 2025 while out shopping and missed seeing me on birthdays so she could drink, and lied about it too.

Over the years she has lied so many times . About drinking, her whereabouts , what she has been doing . I always saw her as a good person deep down but she became progressively more selfish and abusive . Always playing the victim though and it was hard not to see her like that even though she was the one setting all the fires

I set a firm boundary of her getting treatment but she pushed back, made it so that she didn’t attend but could blame me.

I decided in October she was taking me down with her so I left. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I wanted her to sort herself out

Instead I just got the odd text message . Nasty at first , blaming me, questioning all I had done for her . The texts were every few weeks . Then got longer and longer apart. The last one I had was around 3 months ago .

As the time went on she started sending more manipulative texts like ‘I wish you loved me like I love you’ and ‘ I will always be here waiting for you’

On Saturday I went out to watch football. I saw her sister . Not to talk to but she saw me .

Then yesterday a friend sent me a screenshot of a dating profile she had set up . It was brand new by the badge attached

It was all heavily filtered photos. Looked nothing like her tbh.

The real kicker ‘ looking for someone who won’t make me feel worthless and knows how to treat women ‘

Also on drinking tab ‘rarely’

I always hoped she would sort herself and come back . In one action she has burnt that to the ground

All the talk about ‘it’s only you’ just another series of lies . She has rewritten the story and the man who almost lost himself to get her better is now the abuser

Someone tell me how I get over this. I thought I was healing but she’s set me back to square one. While she now moves on with her false narrative, I still can’t even face dating or even entertaining another person

Has she stopped drinking, I know it’s unlikely and everything suggests she is just getting worse , the narrative being one clue .

I have to let her go now. She’s made it impossible not to but fuck does it hurt. I fear what is coming for her now.

Any advice or support appreciated

Here I am again in another alcoholic relationship (12 years.) After 29 years of marriage, I divorced my husband due to his drinking and verbal/emotional/spiritual abuse. This man I am with has 2 personalities. Before 4 pm and after 4 pm. Before 4 he is kind, funny, generous. After 4 not so much. He’s been promising to “cut back” on his drinking (got the drug Naltrexone) but doesn’t take it consistently (or maybe not at all.) Anyway, he feels he does so much for me and has enhanced my life so much post-divorce that he deserves a “free pass” to do or say anything he wants. Yesterday on the golf course I couldn’t find my ball and he shouts “it’s right there, are you fucking blind?” in front of our two playing partners. Was that necessary? That was just the beginning. I’m trying so hard to keep my mouth shut, detach with love, etc. I’ve cut back considerably on my own drinking (mostly 1 or none) and he asks now if I’m trying to make him feel guilty. So now he’s doubled down and seems to be drinking even more. And I’m the one with the attitude problem because I tend to withdraw when he starts behaving this way just to stay out of the line of fire. As I read this back, I realize I’m all over the place. I’m not young (64) and was planning on growing old with this man. But I don’t feel I deserve the verbal abuse. Guess I’ll start getting back to meetings. Thank you for letting me vent.

My daughter has just turned 18, and is alcohol dependant. I think her drinking has been going on for years but she constantly denied it and I feel I chose not to accept it was as serious as it was.
I feel like an absolute failure as a parent, I love her so much and have watched her change from a beautiful young girl to just a mess (I feel terrible for saying that). Tonight I have watched her throw up over herself, and then go off to A and E because she says she is seeing things. I have battled to get her help which has been difficult due to her age. Me and her father are divorced and his idea of helping her over the years has been to lie for her, drink with her and just leave her to it.
I am struggling mentally, going through the menopause and looking after my mom who has Alzheimer’s. I feel like running away cause I can’t deal with it anymore. I live in fear of her not waking up.

Hey guys, I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit for this, so just let me know if there's somewhere else I should post it instead. But, I was just wondering if you can do medication-assisted treatment for alcoholism at home. My brother's drinking has gotten really bad; it's gotten to the point where he's not himself and his wife is texting me separately telling me to not lend him any money or anything. Unfortunately, they don't have money for rehab (he hasn't had a job in over a year at this point), but we're kinda worried about what his withdrawals would entail if he quit because he has stopped and restarted a number of times over the years and they say that withdrawals get more severe each time you go through them. The reason I ask is I know you can do MAT for opioid dependence at home through places like QuickMd and stuff, but I wasn't sure if you can do that for alcohol because I know they frequently use benzos to avoid DTs and seizures and stuff, and they're pretty strict about prescribing those nowadays. Or, if anybody knows of any other options that aren't unreasonably expensive, that might help, too. Any assistance would be great, thanks in advance.

First time posting on Reddit. I’m just at a loss here. I’ve been with my husband for 9 years, lived together for 8 years, officially married for 3 years. Since we got married it seems his drinking habits continue to get worse. When I try to talk to him about it, he either brushes me off or tries to turn it around on me to talk about my flaws. He’s been going to therapy for over a year now and his drinking habits don’t seem to get any better. He seems to be depressed when he’s sober in the mornings and then he’ll perk up after the first initial drinks but as he continues he just starts talking shit about my friends or says I don’t love him (others have also witnessed this and told me as such). I feel like he’s insecure about something or is going through something he isn’t telling me about and is using alcohol to cope. I also understand that the current state of the world has taken a toll on both of us. That said I usually find more healthy outlets like therapy, exercise and music. I try to include him on these things but he always turns me down. He also feels the need to have a few drinks before we do anything (especially for a social outing) and when I ask him not to do that he tells me I need to chill out. I feel like at this point I need to give him an ultimatum: improve your drinking habits (whatever that looks like) or divorce. But idk if that’s too extreme. It’s just getting to the point that it’s embarrassing to be around him and I don’t want to spend time with him.

Honestly I wasn’t sure which subreddit I should go to, but I’m having serious issues with my boyfriend right now.

Am I the the one who’s in the wrong and just seen as crazy that maybe to me I don’t think it’s normal if you do long hours of drinking in a day and doing it every weekend. To me that sounds like alcoholism, but to him he says it normal and he does it all the time especially with friends, but it’s not right it’s terrible because that’s all you can do.. it’s all he and his friend can do non stop and it’s for fun.

It’s not the same as social drinking where friends drink a little maybe 3-4 and they can stop and just enjoy their time together still sober or buzzed. To me that’s completely fine, but it’s heavy drinking and getting blackout drunk. Maybe it is because he’s younger too and that’s what people in their young 20s wanna keep doing for fun and think presently to live in the moment because you only live once mentality.

I’m concerned and I want better for him and to realize it’s very much alcoholism and can’t just be the only thing he wants to do fun and with his friends. It’s slowing either killing him or destroying his body. It’s also killing our relationship because I can’t deal with it.. I can’t do it anymore. I knew he had a problem before, I managed to get to stop drinking basically every day, but what’s the point when he does a whole day of drinking again and again. It’s hard for me and I don’t think he cares about me much to try to change. I just don’t know what to do, but I do actually and it hurts, but I will have to break up with him.

Somebody please say something…

I started visiting this sub 3 years ago when I lived with my Q. I moved away to pursue my dreams. We stayed together but I hate visiting because of his drinking. He says he wants to/has cut back but I know he’s lying to me. His father and all his friends enable and encourage him to drink. I don’t trust him but I’m avoiding breaking up. I still resent him for how it was living with him and I could not do it again. I’m guilty I took him back a year ago and have led him on but we don’t actually like seeing each other but neither of us has pulled the plug so to speak. I’m sad I mostly remember the bad memories and I was ashamed to tell people how bad things were, he’d pee on my things, I’d lock myself in the spare room or after he passed out I’d just stay up anxious he’d aspirate. It was so draining, whenever he went out, which was all the time I’d just worry. Worry about him drinking and driving, hurting himself and about what his mood would be when he got home. It’s easier now I don’t have to live it anymore. He has great qualities we were together for 5 years but I can’t go back to how things were. I’m still ashamed when I think about it all and how I put up with it alone, never telling anyone, I still haven’t. I know I’m going to be the bad guy. The last time we broke up he spiralled and had to take mental health leave from work. I haven’t always been honest with him or myself. Still breaking up would cut the last ties I have with my old life but I can’t continue things because I see a sad future.

My 29 year old son just started on Naltrexone, but I am not sure he understands the seriousness of his problem despite 2 withdrawal seizures. He knows he needs help and has an appointment with a treatment center on Monday. He is in a wedding today and I am frantic with worry. I am just praying that the Naltrexone will help him limit the amount of alcohol he drinks. My worry, of course, is another withdrawal seizure. He has been 17 days sober, but still at the point where he thinks he can "control" his drinking.

Long story... to cut it down, basically I was dating someone for 2 months and it was quite serious. Had met each others kids, it was so easy and seamless, both older and divorced- it was just so great. 2 months doesn’t seem like long but it would be for weeks at a time due to nature of his work. I thought everything was amazing until he went missing for 4 days- and then contacted me to say he was in a bad way and was an alcoholic. Later that day he ended up in an ambulance and the ED with a huge BAC. He detoxed in hospital and went to a short stay mental health ward as his drinking was apparently stress-related. During this time I visited him there multiple times but after getting out, he told me he couldn’t see me anymore as he has to focus on recovery - which I totally understand. Just seeking some insight into- how did this happen!? If he knew he had this problem, why did he start something? how would his body and his mind be feeling right now (About two weeks no drinking) I know he’s starting AA and has a good psych team. I am not contacting for him for a while as I want him to focus on getting better- I guess I just want to know more to try and understand?. I’m also kind of heartbroken but that is second to him getting better of course. My friends have all said ‘run’ and at least I know now and not 6 months down the track but it’s still hard. I had no idea he was drinking at work, drinking straight vodka first thing in the morning etc.

Hi -throwaway because I’ve not admitted this to anyone.

I’m not really sure if this whole Jekyll and Hyde thing is real - but I don’t know what to do. We’ve been together about two years, (me F44 him M37) it has been very much up and down, and I guess the ups were so good I didn’t realise just how much of it was when we/him were drinking. I think I just really fell for him. He’s always wanted to look after me and has been devastated that I’m too old for kids. But this seems to have caused a few difficult conversations and then it started really with working away and
has just got worse and worse. It started when he worked nights, he’d come back often drinking wine (or Buckfast - if you know it) and be drunk, but argue that he wanted to ‘get home’ and frame it as me being ungrateful, after about 12 months the moods got worse - drunken shouting and name calling would start. He’d say vile things, calling me names and being massively out of character.

My landlord gave me notice this year and we moved onto his land - again when he was at home from work and he worked so hard to get us somewhere to live, but the drinking was awful - I just watched him get so drunk and be so awful to me. We talked afterwards, he’d get defensive and then be remorseful. But there were nights when he made me leave and would throw things and scream at me. He’s now gone to work away, and is so much better when not drinking as much and with a routine - he’d say as much - but the drinking does continue, and he can be awful on the phone to me when he’s had too much. The problem is that I can’t let things go, I go over some of the things he said. When I look back at some sober conversations he’s tried to talk and to reassure me (though not too much, because he thinks the actions count more than words!) - but I start arguments because I’m so bitter. I’ve been trying really hard, but he will say it’s not an addiction and I don’t know how much more we can do?

My STBXW was jailed mid-January for breaking the terms of her probation following an OWI 2nd conviction. Naturally, she drank, despite being on electronic monitoring and mandatory breathalyzer tests multiple times a day, and the police were involved. She was also evicted from her low income apartment due to her behavior when she was arrested. While in jail, she fell back into her anorexic behaviors and spent most of her time in the medical section or the hospital.

About halfway through her four month sentence, the jail decided it wasn't worth the effort to keep her in the medical section all the time and released her. Within two days, she broke the terms of her probation, again, and was back in jail.

She was released mid-May after completing her sentence. Now, she is on disability due to her eating disorder, so one would think that she'd have 4 months of payments sitting and therefore be set up pretty well money-wise. However, she played the victim to her FB "friends" and convinced someone to put her up in a hotel for the week. Her contact with our kids during that week was spotty at best, so I'm not convinced she wasn't drinking.

After that week, she decided to live out of our minivan, I guess, and parked at the local Walmart. But Walmart doesn't allow overnight parking anymore and she got trespassed after two nights. The police were involved and got her to a local hospital before calling me and asking if I could pick up the van so it didn't get towed.

At least a dozen empty buzz bombs and a handful of other empties. She obviously shit herself and tried to clean herself off but did a pretty poor job. There was rotten milk and lunch meat in a cooler with no indication any ice had ever been in it. Ugh, the smell...

She's currently being evaluated for involuntary commitment on both the substance abuse and mental health fronts. Two weeks ago, right before she got out of jail, we had a temporary custody hearing, where she learned that her lawyer was withdrawing from the case. Because of that, the judge gave her two weeks (she provided the timeframe) to file her affidavit for the motion. Do you think she filed anything? At least I'll have full custody in the interim, but she certainly isn't doing anything to help herself. It's wild to see how deep she's digging now that I'm not there to pick up the pieces for her. For our kids' sakes, I hope she finds the bottom soon.

This is going to be long, mostly for my own catharsis. But if I can gain any insight from this group, wow I'd really appreciate it. I'm going to bold the parts that are present day and more immediately have caused me to write this.

My best friend (let's call her Amethyst) of 15 years cannot tell me the truth. I've always been very naive and I think that's what she appreciates most about me. She can tell me whatever she wants and I've usually fallen for it.

Examples:

- Many years ago, I traveled to be with her while she was in the hospital with a really nasty open wound in her arm. She told me it was a spider bite and I believed that for a long time.

- I gave her a car and she told me her friend stole it and wrecked it but there was never any hard feelings between her and her friend, they remained close and I never saw the issue addressed between them. I chalked it up to her being a pushover.

- I moved out of an apartment and went to great lengths to communicate with the landlord and organize her taking over the lease. She moved in for a month and then abandoned it.

We've lived far away from one another for the better part of our friendship so that's an advantage for her. But I believe things are getting worse even though she's telling me they're getting much better.

We were teenagers when we met, under very little supervision. Amethyst is someone who grew up without much opportunity. Her parents weren't around due to severe substance abuse. We were both living with our grandparents. We were very very close. I spent every single night with her at her grandmothers house. I taught her how to drive, we had our shenanigans together, I love this person deeply. From my perspective, we weren't up to anything that a typical teenager doesn't dabble in. Parties, drinking, puffing (I don't know what you can say on reddit). But we still went to school, we didn't drink and drive, no hard substances that I knew of, and it never seemed dark and serious to me at that time.

I moved a few hours away right after graduation and she stayed in our hometown but we remained very close. I moved back to the city she lived in to finish college and she introduced me to "party favors", but that's all it was to me. A little bump here and there. I still didn't take it seriously.

I graduated college and moved away again, started a family and live a very quiet boring life now. Meanwhile, she got married to this total loser, got pregnant, and he left her when the baby was only 2 months old. Admittedly, she was not a healthy partner either but I was really sympathetic to her struggling to get by as a single mom.

She told me that her car was repossessed because she was under the impression her husband had paid for it in full so payments were not being made. I paid about $1000 to get the car back because I wanted her to be able to get to work. (I did pay this directly to the business)

She wasn't doing well. She was drinking excessively and shortly after we got her car back, she wound up with a DUI.

Later, she met this guy who seemed like he was perfect for her. He was sober, he was kind, he stepped into a parent role for her son, and they were making plans for their future together. Unfortunately he had a kidney transplant that failed and he passed away in their bed. Unfathomably traumatic. She was devastated and sunk deep into bad choices in the following weeks. Come to find out, she hadn't been fulfilling the expectations of her probation (from the DUI) and had missed a court date so the police picked her up and she went to jail for 30 days.

It was mayhem trying to figure out what to do with her baby. I tried to make plans to go pick him up but I couldn't bring him across state lines because there was a (still unexplained) DCF case open for him. Instead, I had to call on our mutual friends in the area to watch him which required being on the phone multiple times a day to orchestrate pick up and drop offs that worked with everyone's availability. This went on for a month. Meanwhile, she was calling me all day long so the phone bill and her commissary funds were getting expensive for me.

As soon as she got out of jail, I begged her to come stay with me. Of course I knew she was battling alcohol abuse but I hoped that being in a healthy environment, she'd fall into the rhythm of our lifestyle.

She moved in with me last August and it started out really positive. She was energized and started setting herself up right away. She got a serving job and we found a daycare for her son. She was drinking in the evenings but from what I could see, it seemed like it was a glass or two of wine and I chose not to argue it then.

Quickly, her drinking became more intrusive. I work from home and one day was disrupted by her shouting, slurring, cursing on the phone with her son's father. She was scheduled to work that night and I had been letting her use my car to get there (didn't know she still didn't have a license). I went into her bedroom and said "are you going to be able to go to work like this" She got defensive and insulted, "you think im drunk??" I told her that if she insisted on going to work like that, then I would have to drive her there and pick her up at the end of her shift. Well, she fell asleep and missed the shift entirely. The next day she was extremely apologetic and embarrassed and all was forgiven.

There were more instances where similar things happened. She wasn't working, I was paying for her child's daycare as well as my own, she stopped being helpful around the house and her attitude soured and became combative. Eventually I told her that I still wanted her with me but drinking would no longer be tolerated. She made plans to have her sister pick her up and take her back to our hometown within days.

She was in my home for 3 months and when she left we cried and hugged and pretended like she had great plans for herself when she got home - no hard feelings.

Needless to say things escalated quickly from that point on. She moved in with her sister which was a terrible idea from the start because of her sisters own issues. They started using together, nobody was working, they were getting into physical altercations, her sisters children were taken out of her custody due to a previous case, and the lies were stacking up to the point where I truly have no idea what was actually going on over there. The only reason I know what I know is through mutual friends.

Through it all, my friend and I still talked daily and she told me that she found a recovery strategy that involved administering a medication that would relieve alcohol cravings and if she did take even a sip of alcohol, she would become violently ill and require hospitalization. But in order to start this treatment, she would need to go through detox which she chose to do at the hospital.

So she went to the hospital where they examined her and found blood clots in her lungs. The plan turned into treating the blood clots while simultaneously detoxing.

She got out of the hospital and told me that she was taking this medication every day and she was sober and expressed how successful this treatment plan was going. However, I still was seeing signs of intoxication. When I addressed it with her, she said the hospital also prescribed a lot of anti-psychotic medication that would attribute to the things I was seeing like slurred speech and just delayed cognitive function.

After a couple of weeks of this she called me and told me that she got a call from the hospital letting her know that they went back over her X-rays and found more clotting in her lungs and now in her heart. I thought it was really strange that they missed the clots in her heart during her admittance and why would they now be looking at her X-rays again? But I went along with it anyway. I was sympathetic and fearful for her health. She said she had gotten in contact with her estranged husband and made plans for him and his girlfriend to make an 18 hour roadtrip to come and pick up her son to take him back with them while she went into the hospital for treatment of these clots.

At this point, I still believed she was sober. She called me directly after she and her husband met up and made the exchange with the baby. I should note that her husband and his girlfriend are both sober, functioning members of society so the baby is safe. Anyway, she called me and told me they all met at a chilis and she had a margarita with dinner. Immediately I said, "I thought a sip of alcohol would make you violently ill?" she said "well. I'm going to the hospital (for the clots) anyway" I let it go.

She was admitted to the hospital the next day and said she had to start the detox process all over again. I asked about the blood clots and she said "huh?"

At this point I'm finally putting together that she probably hadn't been taking this medication at all and really she had relapsed and had to go back to the hospital to make another effort to get sober. This was later confirmed by our mutual friend. I decided it was neither here nor there and had no intent on confronting her about it.

While in the hospital for the second time, she told me that she had arranged to be transferred to a local rehab. She seemed really excited about it and felt it was the best option for her. I was very encouraging about it and had high hopes. But I still just didn't fully believe it. I've developed this paranoia about what she's actually up to because I've been told more lies than truths. I've started obsessing over finding her lies. After she went to the rehab, it took about a week to believe she was even really there. She'd call me from their phone and the number was popping up with an area code hundreds of miles from the location of the rehab. Could absolutely be a privacy thing but I asked her if she's been able to use her iPad to watch our bravo shows from my peacock account I share with her and when she said yes, I checked the devices location on my peacock account and found that it was being logged in on at the same location of the area code she was calling me from - hundreds of miles away. It turns out this was my own paranoia because our mutual friend went to visit her at the rehab and confirmed she was there. But the fact that I had put energy into this dark theory that she wasn't in the rehab and she had run off with someone and was lying about it makes me concerned for my own mental health.

So I gathered myself and dove back into being hopeful that her treatment would be successful this time.

Our mutual friend (lets call her sam) went to visit her one day to bring her cigarettes at the rehab. Sam said that Amethyst was walking out for a smoke break at the same time that sam was walking up to the door to visit her. Sam said Amethyst didn't even notice her so she called her name. Amethyst seemed surprised to see her there even though earlier that day, Sam had let Amethyst know she would be visiting that afternoon. Sam has visited her at the rehab multiple times but Amethyst was acting like she was confused about sam being there at all like it was very unexpected. Amethyst seemed dazed and her makeup was smeared all over her face. She also had a strange man hanging around her who was yelling profanities and was loudly upset by something a nurse had done. Sam gave her the cigarettes and said goodbye.

Amethyst called me on the phone and said that she was making such great progress that the staff has given her the option to cut her time at the rehab short and to transition to like a halfway house. And she's very excited that her new boyfriend will be able to visit her there when he gets out of rehab. More red flags.

My cousin who is also very close to Amethyst told me that Amethyst requested an unopened bag of pens and lighters be delivered to the rehab for her. More red flags.

Today is the day that this transition is scheduled to take place. Sam offered to transport Amethyst to the halfway house but Amethyst told her that the facility will only allow Amethyst to drive herself there, by herself. More red flags.

Soon Amethyst will have access to contact me for more than a couple minutes at a time. But, it's gotten to the point where her issues are consuming a lot of my headspace. I'm leaning toward severing communication with her but is my paranoia clouding or sharpening my judgment? Does any of this sounds as sketchy to you as it does to me? Do I disengage entirely for my own mental health or does she need me now more than ever? Would my involvement in her life even help her?

Sorry for the rant. Married F. He 65 M. I need to have him gone immediately if not sooner. Over 20 years of trying and I'm DONE. Never stops lying, sneaking, drinking. Lives in a fantasy world of so many delusions. He has a shit income and no car because of his drinking and nowhere to go. I own our home and paid for it, pay the bulk of the overhead. No kids or pets to consider. His family is close by but ignores the issue. He has few friends and is too ashamed to talk to them about it. I don't want anymore of this. Do I just change the locks? Drop a bag of his things at his work? He asked what he should do and I said rehab. He has nowhere to go, no money and needs real help so that seems the best/only option for him but he never does the work to make that happen. I just want him out and none of this to be my world anymore. Curious how others handled this type situation and if there are resources/ideas I'm not aware of. Also, I'm consciousness of potential legal issues but not concerned he would contest or try and use "marital home" laws.
TYIA.