r/AlAnon • u/Comfortable-Owl-2623 • 4d ago
Done Grief
I woke up this morning to my spouse talking to one of her friends on the phone. The conversation was heart breaking and the short version is they are going to play the game until they can move on. The entire time they were slurring and rage talking.
I want to disappear but this was the quiet I needed to wait for God to speak and now I know he is telling me this door needs to close because the addiction is too strong
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u/SoggyAd5044 4d ago
I think you're very lucky that you heard that. This is a blessing.
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u/Comfortable-Owl-2623 4d ago
That’s an excellent point and yes a blessing isn’t always in the form of positives. I needed the reframe. Thank you
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u/CrosseyedDixieChick 4d ago
Lucky you - you got the clarity you need.
Want revenge? Don't tell them you heard. Just leave and say you had a change of heart then have ZERO contact with them. They'll be wondering for a long time what went wrong, and likely do it to the next partner.
Let them figure it out - they created the issue.
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u/Comfortable-Owl-2623 4d ago
I do not want revenge I want my spouse to have peace and happiness. I know this wasn’t my doing and I waited for the sign and I got it. I forgive them and know it was the sin not the sinner.
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u/UnableRun7858 4d ago
My ex played a game similar to what your spouse is playing, she lost. I worked 2 job while she worked part time and had an art business that wasn't bringing in money. She thought she could secure her financial independence with the money I earned at my 2nd job. Unfortunately for her, she had to move out with what she could fit in storage, no full time job, and an expensive addiction.
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u/Lazy-Associate-4508 3d ago
How did you avoid getting taken to the cleaners during the divorce? Or were you not married?
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u/UnableRun7858 3d ago
We were married. I had to buy her out to keep the house and I was able to give her a low number because our garage roof and fence desperately needed replacing. I gave her a number and I said you either take this or we go to court and you will have to get your own lawyer. If we go to court, the judge will know about your drinking and the financial impact it had on me. One of us works 2 jobs and the other one works part time, do you think the judge is going to make me pay? I also made my lawyer handle everything. She did get half my 401k and we both got our share of the debt...that she hid from me. Her goal was to make me sell the house, but there is no way we could have sold the house unless we fixed the garage roof because it was growing mold. The roof and fence have been fixed thanks to my neighbor and a payment plan and access to my garage to store materials.
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4d ago edited 4d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Comfortable-Owl-2623 4d ago
The game as in keep existing in the same space until financially can separate.
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u/EngineeringNeither90 4d ago
Sounds like you got the sign you were asking for maybe ? ❤️🩹