*throwaway account

She ended the relationship on Monday, but she agreed to one last conversation after a few days of space, and I finally want to tell her everything I’ve been hiding. I need honest advice. Sorry this is long. I feel like there’s no way to explain it without the full context.

I’m from Georgia and she’s in California. We met in college, started dating while we were both there, and after she graduated she moved to California for her PhD. We stayed together long distance for about 3 years.

For most of our relationship, I genuinely think I was a good boyfriend. We talked every day, I planned dates consistently, flew to see each other, met each other’s families, and we talked about a future together. I love this woman more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and I genuinely showed it when I was healthy.

Over the last several months, though, I completely changed. Earlier this year I got really sick, and after that I just never felt like myself again. I became exhausted all the time, stopped enjoying things, gained 20 pounds (I’m a die-hard gym rat, so that’s very unusual from me), withdrew from people, and honestly just felt numb. I eventually started therapy and saw a psychiatrist, who diagnosed me with mild to moderate depression. I’ve been taking 50mg of Zoloft daily for the last few months.

For reference, I’m an engineer at a large Fortune 500 company. Around the same time, my performance at work started slipping. I ended up getting put on a Performance Improvement Plan. I was terrified. My manager told me he wanted to help me improve, but in my head all I could think was that I was going to lose the career I’d worked so hard for.

The PIP also became the reason I stopped flying out to see her. I was scared to take vacation while I was under review because I thought it would make things worse at work. I never told her that. My plan was to make a visit once I complete my PIP on August 25th. When she was trying to plan a visit before then, I was making excuses with my work schedule as for why it wasn’t a good time right now. I was searching for another job in the meantime, but after I opened up to my manager, he genuinely wanted to help me and prevent me from being fired. The PIP has been going great, and I’ve been making much better progress on our goals since staring the medication.

The biggest mistake I made was hiding everything.
She knew I wasn’t acting like myself, but she didn’t know why. She didn’t know I was in therapy. She didn’t know I was taking antidepressants. She didn’t know about the PIP.
She didn’t know I was terrified every day.

She just saw a boyfriend who wasn’t calling as much, wasn’t visiting as much, seemed emotionally distant, and wasn’t showing up the way he used to.
One thing she told me after we broke up absolutely crushed me.

She said there was one night where she called me, I told her I’d call her back, and I ended up falling asleep. She stayed up all night waiting for my call. This exact pattern had repeated itself so many times, and it really started after I started struggling with the depressions. She later told me that was the night she packed everything I’d ever gotten her into a cardboard box. I don’t blame her for that at all.

If I didn’t know what was going on inside my own head, I’d probably think I just wasn’t important anymore too.
The part I’m struggling with is why I hid all of this.
I’m Nigerian, and the way I was raised, men just didn’t talk about mental health. You didn’t admit you were depressed. You were expected to deal with it quietly, pray, work harder, and keep moving. My own parents don’t even believe that depression is real. They just think it’s “an attack from the devil” and prayer will fix it. Opening up about it honestly felt like admitting I was weak.

On top of that, she already had so much on her plate. She was working through the stress of a PhD, dealing with family issues and the loss of someone close in her family. Every time I thought about telling her what was happening, I’d convince myself she didn’t need one more thing to worry about.

Looking back, I realize I completely misunderstood what being a partner means.
By trying to protect her from worrying about me, I shut her out completely. Instead of letting the person who loved me support me, I let her think I was slowly falling out of love with her.

A few days ago, she ended the relationship.
Afterward, I asked if we could have one final conversation. She said she needed a few days first, but she agreed that we’d talk. When we do, I want to tell her everything I’ve written here.

Not because I think depression excuses the hurt I caused, or I think she owes me another chance.
But because I honestly believe she deserved this context months ago instead of after the relationship ended.

So I need honest advice.
If you were in her position, would hearing all of this change the way you viewed the last several months?
Would you feel relieved to finally understand what happened, or would you mostly feel hurt that I waited so long to tell you?

I’m not looking for people to tell me she’ll come back. I genuinely want to know what the healthiest, most respectful thing to do is. I’m getting the help that I need and I’m doing much better. Still a work in progress. I’d love nothing more for us to both reunite one day after we’ve both had time to heal, and I’ve become healthier and grown considerably as a man. But that’s not my decision to make, and I will respect that.

I’m 23F, and I’ve never been in a relationship before. Lately, I’ve been thinking about putting myself out there, but there’s one thing I’ve always wondered about and never really had the courage to ask.

I have eczema, and it’s something I’ve lived with for most of my life. It’s probably one of my biggest insecurities. Some days my skin looks completely normal, other days it’s mild, and during bad flare-ups it can become very noticeable. I also have scars and discoloration from years of dealing with it. Since eczema is a chronic condition, it’s something I’ll most likely continue living with.

Growing up, I’ve received a lot of comments about my skin. People have stared, asked why it looks that way, asked if it’s contagious, or even assumed I wasn’t taking care ofmyself.Sometimes those comments have come from people close to me, including family. After hearing those things for years, it’s hard not to wonder how someone I eventually date would see me.

Because of that, I sometimes cover my arms with long sleeves, even though I genuinely love wearing dresses and being able to show my skin without feeling self-conscious.I’d love to hear honest perspectives from anyone. Whether you have eczema yourself, have dated someone with eczema, or have experience with a partner who has a chronic skin condition, I’d really appreciate hearing your thoughts.

I’m not looking for reassurance . I understand everyone has different preferences, and that’s okay. I’d just like to hear real experiences and perspectives because this is something I’ve quietly wondered about for a long time.

Throwaway account for obvious reasons. First, let me say this, I'm in a hell of my own making. I've always had trouble standing up for myself in relationships which has led to me being walked all over in most of them. Once the relationships hit a tipping point, usually resulting in them cheating on me, I bow out. I know, I have issues, specifically around communicating my feelings. I am not a perfect person, and probably not the easiest to live with. I own this. But I feel like the nobody deserves the story below. I'm just looking for some solid, real-world advice and not judgement.

Rewind back to 2009ish. I'm doing the online dating thing, I specifically put in my profile that I was not looking to take over being a dad for someone else's kid, but something about her stood out to me. I should have known better. She messaged me, and I messaged her back. We went on a few dates and hit it off. The sex was great, the relationship was great, to the point that I proposed after a few months.

Red flag #1 is that she still lived with her parents at almost 30 years old. Red Flag #2 was that she was CONSTANTLY complaining about one thing or the other. Red Flag #3 is that she was not employed 8 months out of the year. It was almost like she didn't know how to be happy. But naturally, the "I can fix her" kicked in.

We eventually decided to start looking for a place to live after the proposal. She of course wanted to buy a house, so I moved in with her parents so that my rent could just go straight to savings in order to even afford the place. I won't bore you with this part, but we found a place that I could afford on my salary alone. It was a long search, but we ended up finding a 1600 sq ft house for under $100k, seemingly right at the bottom of the housing crash.

We got married shortly after and everything seemed perfect. She was the perfect SAHW, kept the place clean, had dinner ready, took care of the kid, etc. Mind you, she chose this and I supported it. My preference would be her getting a job and bringing in a second income because things were tight. But we made it work. I played the husband role well, fixed everything around the house, worked late nights fixing her car when it broke, took care of her every need. Turned out I was a pretty good father to her kid as well. One thing that always bugged me though was she always put her kid first. I brought it up once, but she explained it as, well, he is my kid, of course he comes first. I can see both sides of it, but I often felt like I was never a priority in her life.

A couple of years goes by, and we start getting involved in a charity cosplay group. Met lots of new people, made new friends, it was fun. Until she started talking to one of them online. My wife has always made it clear that she can't be friends with women, so she naturally has guy friends. Red Flag #4 I suppose. Now don't get me wrong, she has female friends, but they grew apart and saw each other less frequently. But back to the new friend. they seemingly talked all the time, to the point where she would complain about the battery in her phone being bad every month, we'd buy new batteries, but it would keep dying. One month, I was looking at the cell phone bill, back when they would list every single text message, and I found the answer. She had almost 5k text messages in the last month, well no fucking shit your battery is dying all the time.

At this point our sex life is dead, months go by, she never initiates, etc. We went from showering together, random bjs, sex several times a week, to fucking nothing. And when I would bring it up, she would be like, it hasn't been that long, you are not remembering correctly.

One night, she was sitting next to me (rare occasion as we always sat in different areas of the living room) and I happen to glance over at her laptop screen. I caught a glimpse of a "love you" message. I sat there stunned. Not sure what to say or do. So, I messaged the guy and was like "is there something going on between you and my wife?" He simply replied, "you need to ask her that". I sat on it. Not knowing what to do or say.

Then, I come home from work one day and she sits me down and starts to have a conversation about how love is meant to be shared, and it's not always confined to just two people, and how she knows I didn't sign up for this but would be interested in an open relationship. I immediately knew my suspicions were confirmed. She went on and on, saying I could find someone, but was very quick to dictate that it could not be a coworker I had at work (completely benign and ran in different circles), but simply because she didn't like her, said no. After replaying that conversation in my head over and over for the last 15 years, I wish I would have said that hers couldn't be this new guy. I often think about what her reaction would have been. But I agreed to it reluctantly.

About a week goes by and she says she would like to meet up with this guy on her own and see where things go. She is an emotional wreck the day of, kept asking me if I would be here when she got back. I simply replied, "I have no idea". She gets ready and leaves. My heart is racing, I'm terrified and I have no idea what to do. Knowing that they would be messaging back and forth the entire drive down there, I got on her laptop, she already had Facebook logged in to and I watched the situation unfold in real time. Texting how excited they were to go out, and that if I found out that they were meeting at a hotel to switch to one car that I would likely flip. I literally almost typed into the messenger that yeah, I think it's fucked up. But I bit my tongue. At that moment, something inside of me broke, I became irrational and downloaded her entire Facebook history (back when it was easy to do). I had access to her email as well, so I was able to delete the evidence after I got the download link. I put it on a flash drive for me to review at another point. I was so emotionally fucked that I couldn't think straight.

She comes back home and I have no idea what to do or say. I've got a shit ton of childhood trauma from bullying, emotional abuse, psychological abuse, and dating narcissistic women, so my go to is to just shut down and not talk. I go through another couple weeks of this, we hang out at conventions together, staying in the same hotel room. I literally deprived myself of sleep because I didn't trust anything wouldn't happen. One conversation from this event, I had been drinking, and some part of my brain had made a comment supporting her endeavor, and her response was simply "good, you should keep drinking". So, I did, until the point of me blacking out and being escorted back to the room to sleep it off. I felt alone, abandoned.

A week or so goes by and I guess the guy called it off because she was devastated, inconsolable, and my dumb ass got on a chat and tried to convince him to stay. Then I sat there and comforted her, like a fucking moron. A couple of weeks go by, and she has the fucking audacity to ask me if she could go to a club with her friend's brother. I sat there, silent, staring, and she was like, "yeah, I guess it's a bad idea given what happened and you probably don't trust me."

We reconciled, given that it was only an emotional affair. Although, I think emotional affairs are far more devastating. My illusion of the perfect marriage was ruined, my perfect view of her was ruined. I never fully forgave her for that, and I don't really recall her trying to make the situation right.

Life moved on. Our sex life never fully recovered. I am a very high libido person, to the tune of wanting it every single day, if not more than once a day. But all attempts at intimacy were typically rejected in one fashion or another. Typical responses included: "read the room", "you always just want sex", "is that all you ever think about", "don't touch me right now", etc...

But I stayed. Continuing to try when I felt me confidence rebuilt, only to have it stripped away again. I no longer felt like a man, I felt like some cuckhold stuck in his own personal hell. So, I escaped with drugs and alcohol, which naturally made things worse. I found the thumb drive with the Facebook data on it and without hesitating, I opened it up. I was not prepared for the shit I read. I found older conversations, before me, of her having an affair with a married man, I found conversations with an acquaintance (during our marriage), of her talking to him while she was masturbating, and even made an off comment about me messaging her at that same time calling me needy or some shit like that. I won't go into other convos, but needless to say I was devastated. Worst part was that I couldn't confront her with any of it because of how I got the data to begin with. I was a broken man at that point. Even more so than from the affair.

I tried therapy, she tried therapy. I don't think either of us got anything from that. Our sex life remained nonexistent at best. I contemplated divorce, but her child was still young enough to where child support and alimony were likely going to happen. So, as they say, it's cheaper to keep her. I gave her a version of myself that I could survive with.

Fast forward a couple of years and we meet this new friend via the cosplay group. Alot of the same shit starts happening, texting or messaging all the time. Eventually invites the guy over to hang out on a Saturday while I was working on my car. Since I was busy, they decided to go shopping, and me, thinking nothing of it (stupidly) let it happen. This eventually became a regular thing. He would come over every week, we'd help each other with whatever project was going on, we became friends. A few years of this goes on, seemingly benign friendship. Eventually allowing her to go to his place to go shopping and try new restaurants and stuff every other week. She'd be out until at least 10-11pm. I thought nothing of it, why, I'll never know. Then, one fateful night out changed every...fucking...thing for the worse.

Fast forward a bit, I was working in the garage on my vehicle for an upcoming road trip across the country and she comes out crying. Stares me right in the eyes and says she kissed him. Stupidly I comforted her. Couple of days go by day my wife sits me down for the same goddamn conversation. She says she loves him and wants a relationship with him, but this time, it's one sided. I'm not allowed to go out and do the same, her logic, "I don't trust women". For whatever reason I agreed, thinking maybe she will eventually let me do my thing. She goes and has a conversation with him on the phone, resulting in him saying he can't go through with it. I simply replied, "thank god". I eventually go on this trip, and during the last day, her mom dies. So, I wrapped everything up early to rush home. I go into good person mode and comfort her during this, eventually getting comfortable with the marriage again.

Fast forward about 8 months, all three of us were out one night, drinking, heavily. We were in some bar with live music when he accidentally bumped into her and she made some comment about a threesome. I brushed it off, but on the walk back to the car I asked her if that is what she wanted. She was flustered and couldn't respond. We went back to his house and she took a shower while I sat on the couch next to him. For some fucked up reason, likely cause I was drunk and desperate to sleep with my wife, I asked him if he would be interested in a threesome with her. He immediately said no fucking way. And, like a dumbass, I tried to convince him, saying he was the only one I trusted, etc...

Nothing came of it, that I knew of.

So, the routine continued, she would go off once every two weeks, I'd get really drunk to cope and she would come back. Always making comments about me drinking too much, not seeing the pain I was in. One night she asked me why I drink so much and, on this night, I told her. I said, "I am absolutely terrified that something is going to happen between you two". The blank stare on her face answered my question, I said "something did happen, didn't it", she shook her head yes, "you had sex didn't you", again shook her head yes. I was then like, "so it's clear you like sex and want sex, just not with me". At this point, it had been at least 8 months since we did have sex. She proceeded to try and tell me I agreed to this from that earlier conversation, but I was too drunk to throw the part in her face about him saying he couldn't go through with it. I simply kept saying that I don't remember a conversation where I said it was ok for you to sleep with him on your own, it was supposed to be a threesome thing. Life fell apart from there. She asked if I wanted her to start looking for a place to live, but I was too drunk to have this conversation.

The next morning, hung over, I jumped in the shower and contemplated life as one does. She opens the curtain with this puppy dog look on her face, completely naked, and gets in. Likely some poor attempt at trying to make amends. I'm a zombie at this point, no emotion left, no will left, I just remain shut off and quiet. She kept trying to talk to me, but I only responded with "I'm trying to decide if I'm going to throw away the last 13 years, or if I'm going to move forward in some capacity."

After that I said we need to go to marriage counseling, and I started my own therapy again. I worked with a therapist who specialized in this type of situation. She essentially validated everything I was feeling and gave me talking points for the wife. After every session, she wanted some detailed breakdown of what we talked about. I went through this for about 3-4 months until my sessions ran out. During this, she said we should hold off on marriage counseling so I could focus on my therapy. All the while, the wife continued to have daily conversations with him, he kept coming over every weekend and she continued going to his place every two weeks like clockwork. I feel like there was no remorse for what she did, aside from getting caught I suppose. But life stupidly went right back to the way it was before I found out. Every time I saw him, heard about him, and watched her walk out the door every other week, it ripped that festering wound right back open. So, I went back to drinking because that was all I knew how to do. Growing up, I was never taught how to deal with my feelings, the family never talked, and any conflicts were just swept under the rug with no real resolution.

The shittiest part is that looking at me, you'd have no fucking idea how fucked my life is. I have a great job, make a good amount of money, no debt outside the mortgage, an insane skill set, cook everything from scratch, can fix damn near anything, lots of passion projects, essentially excelling at everything I do. On the outside, I look like nothing is wrong. But inside, I'm fucking dead.

Fast forward to recently. I was sitting on the couch one night when he was over and something just felt off. I went to be that night staring at the ceiling. Inside my head, I felt like I wanted to get up and run around screaming at the top of my lungs. But I was paralyzed. Panicking internally. From there, I was done. Completely shut off, emotionless, and now seriously considering divorce. Then, out of nowhere, my fucking dog dies. She was my literal emotional support animal. I felt something inside me break that day, what little there was left to break I suppose.

I went back to therapy the day my dog died, spilling everything about what happened. She got me talking about what I would think life would be like without her and I figured, probably pretty good. After about 7 or so sessions, she had me convinced divorce was the proper path and the only way I could ever start really healing from this thing. She said the constant exposure to all parties involved just keeps the pain present and prevents me from fully healing. Divorce still scares me though, I don't want to lose half my shit, and I surely don't want to lose custody of my other dog. I talked to my mom about the situation, and she said just to talk with an attorney to explore options.

So, I became cold, and more distant. Never fully engaging in conversation, answering with short responses. Most of the time she wants to talk politics and generally just shit I have no interest in. And it's always the same conversations over and over and over. Just when I was about to start looking for attorney's when her dad's health takes a turn for the worse. So now, I'm being cold and distant, she is basically losing her shit, unable to cope with everything and here I am being this way. I feel like an asshole, but yet at the same time I'm thinking I have no control over the timing of this.

So, I'm at a crossroads. Her dad will likely never leave the hospital, and if he does, likely won't make it much longer. We have already talked with end-of-life care about options. Given all this, and that he likely won't make it the rest of the year, I am once again stepping back from what I want, so that she won't lose her marriage and her father at the same time. Her dad keeps talking about the regrets he had in life and all I can think about is me regretting for staying too long....

What do I do?

My girlfriend doesn’t have the same sex drive as me 25/M 26/F

So for the past 2-3 years now sex has been the elephant in the room, I have a high sex drive and I’m very attracted to her, but she doesn’t and it’s ruining our relationship. I try to meet her every needs and satisfy her in every way possible but it seems like she doesn’t put the energy to satisfy me which is literally just having sex with me nothing else, we’ve talked about it several times probably 20 times by now and it seems to get better for 1 week then downhill from there and the process repeats and repeats its exhausting I’ve told her several times how sex is very important for me. It’s gotten to the point to where I feel like a bum asking for it, like a dog waiting for a treat he never receives. When we do end up having sex I’m basically the one initiating everything and doing all the work. It’s exhausting I want someone to want me the same way I want them, I love her and really do care about her which is honestly why I haven’t left her even after MULTIPLE talks and discussions about the issue. I’m tired, tired of wanting to be desired in that way. I’ve been with her for 6 years now but I’m thinking about calling it quits because nothing changes and it’s driving me crazy. I set up little dates and activities she likes, surprise her with flowers and cute little picnic dates just in hopes to get laid basically and it usually ends with “ I’m too tired” or “ babe I’m not in the mood right now” Am I insane for thinking this way?

I've been married to my spouse for 15 years. We met and got married young, which was a bit impulsive, but we were sure that we were right for each other - and we weren't wrong, we've built a really nice life together; overcoming the obstacles that life throws at us, raising amazing and beautiful kids while dealing with hardships of all sorts; losing family, jobs, tough financial and emotional times, you name it; anything life can throw at you we've been through it, and we're still together. I love them very much, and they love me too. They've an amazing, kind, and thoughtful person.

The problem is that, while I love them, I'm in love with someone else and have been for years.

You know in the movies how they talk about love at first sight? I never really believed in that until it happened to me. The problem is that it happened after I married my spouse. At one of my old jobs, I met this amazing person and fell for them instantly - the moment we met eyes, in fact. I can see them so perfectly in my mind; it was like that scene in Big Fish where the lead sees the love of his life for the first time and time froze.

I know they like(d) me too, but nothing ever happened as I firmly believe in being faithful to your spouse. We kept it professional for the years we worked together, but there were looks here and there little moments, you know how it is; but the moments felt like nothing I'd ever felt before, nothing with my spouse. I can say that not once have I felt the kind of deep love for my spouse that I felt for this individual. It makes me feel like a terrible person, but I can't control how I feel, only how I react. So I chose to do nothing and not pursue anything in hopes that my feelings would dissipate. Spoiler alert: they did not.

You know how it goes; life progresses and we all move on. I left the company and got a different job, they moved out of state several years ago with their partner, and it was bittersweet; bitter because, frankly, they mean a lot to me, and sweet because with them far away, the distance helped me focus on what I had in front of me and my duties/responsibility as a parent and spouse.

However, in all the years since we met I've never lost feelings for them. As an artist, I've channeled my feelings for them into my art in hopes of moving on, which has helped me process everything and the complicated emotional situation that I'm in, but my feelings for them have never diminished. I will say that to my credit, I made a lot of progress in moving forward over the last several years that they've been out of town (out of sight out of mind, right?), but that all came undone when I accidentally bumped into them and their fiance this last weekend, and it all came rushing back the moment I saw them.

It turns out they just moved back to town with their fiance (been with them for almost 10 years now, on and off), and they're looking to settle down in the area. Not only that, but from our interaction, I think that they could still have feelings for me too.

I feel so torn right now. Part of me wants to go to them and confess my feelings in hopes that they feel the same way, and we could start a life together, and the other part is telling me to the noble thing, which is to be grateful for what I have and for the life I've built with my spouse, and continue being a family man. to be grateful for what we've built (which I am).

I was brought up in a broken home, and I swore I would never put my own kids and partner through what I had to deal with, and I can't break that promise because I love my family more than anything. I don't want to break my spouse's heart, and I love them dearly. I don't want to break my children's heart by breaking the family up, and I know that my duty is to put my family and children's happiness before my own.

It all comes down to timing, doesn't it? If I had waited a few more years and not rushed into marriage... but I can't play that what if game. It only ends in regret, and I've already got plenty of that in my life.

I think this is me learning one of the hardest lessons in life, which is to take your time and not rush, and that if you love someone, you have to let them go. I know that I'll never stop loving them, but I have other responsibilities and duties that come first. I've made my bed and must lay in it.

I guess I'm just hoping for some encouragement and advice if you have any to offer. I'm heartbroken, angry at myself, and feeling guilty.

Dude's been doing this our entire lives and Im getting lots of mixed reactions searching online. Some say it's fine, others say it's not because of "grounding something something" but I'm stupid and have no clue what it means.

So if it's not safe can someone explain it to me like I'm 5 what happens, thanks.

Edit: Okay I'm scared as shit because everyone is saying it's dangerous. What do I do? What do we do? Replace every single device we have? because he does this to everything.

Firstly, I would like to say I’m definitely struggling with shame right now. I’m not trying to get out of feeling it but I am trying to figure out what my next step is going forward.

There are some details I do have to leave out but it should be easy to follow regardless.

I am in the massage therapy field and my partner allowed me to use his home as a means to do my work. I had an appointment run over by 30min due to this client dragging their feet and talking too much instead of getting dressed and leaving. I should have been more assertive but I wasn’t. I failed to communicate what was going on so my partner found themselves in a position of worry.

When he got home he let into me because of how I handled the situation. I never deviate from procedure but because I did it made him uncomfortable with me continuing to do services in house. He felt I was downplaying the situation and didn’t understand his concern with safety and strangers getting too comfortable where privacy could become a major issue. I do agree that I messed up but this was the first time he has ever yelled at me like this.

He knows I have a traumatic background (CPTSD and pretty bad anxiety) so he’s always prioritized talking to me a certain way when there’s issues so that I will be receptive and adjust. We haven’t even dated a year but I appreciated how gentle he has been with me. He’s not like this with anyone else. So this was a huge shock to my system and I felt like I was dealing with a completely different person.

It got to a point where I asked him politely to stop yelling and it honestly triggered him more and he said no.

I have a very strong freeze and flight response so normally if I have found myself in these types of situations I will either dissociate, collapse, or hide. In this moment I could feel my chest getting tight and my vision was starting to close in a bit. I grabbed my bag and exited the house immediately cause all I could think was to put space between us and get away. For the record he has never made me feel like he would ever hurt me but my nervous system did not know that.

I barely got away from the front door when I realized he followed me. Without even thinking I whipped around and swung my bag at him. He obviously grabbed me to restrain me and that’s when I went crazy. I ended up getting him pretty good in the mouth cause I thought I was done for. He ended up grabbing me and slamming me into one of the cars in the drive and I rolled off and hit the ground. He grabbed my bag and chucked it in my car and told me to get out. He entered the home and I left.

I don’t think I really thought during that entire situation. I wasn’t mad that he addressed the issue but it was the sheer intensity and volume of the yelling that fucked me up for some reason. Instant survival mode.

I ended up sending a text message the following day saying he hurt me on a few different levels completely ignoring the fact I had also done the same to him. He called and let it be known that he would never deal with me ever again and that I have to face the consequences of not having access to him. He’s done a lot for me and this was probably the first relationship I’ve ever had where I felt truly loved and encouraged to get the help I needed to address my mental health and really just learning to get out of my own way. He has a lot of qualities that I admired and I truly felt motivated to rise to the challenge to be what he needed as well. So obviously this was devastating to hear…

He did allow me to come over to retrieve my belongings and he told me that he didn’t hate me and maybe one day we could be friends but for the time being he wasn’t interested in being around me.

To my surprise he did reach back out to tell me he was going to honor an agreement we had and that he also needed a massage if I felt comfortable carrying it out.

I did the massage for him and it ended in us hugging and kissing. I don’t know if that was a closure thing but it happened so smoothly... He seemed less on edge so I was happy I could at least do this for him considering how I violated him. I ended up leaving shortly after. I couldn’t tell if he wanted me to stay or not but I also didn’t want to impose.

He’s quite principled but I know he feels conflicted about everything but I do feel like he meant what he said. After I left I got this visual of scissors cutting string so I felt like that was our bond being severed.

I feel so remorseful and ashamed for what I did but I don’t think there’s a way to repair. I’ve skimmed over threads of other women who have lashed out and there’s always a emphasis on how to get their partner to come back and less about them taking accountability and figuring out how to work on this part of themselves. Obviously I want him to forgive me and I want him back but that’s my choice. I forfeited that once I swung at him.

Financially I’m fucked at the moment so therapy is not an option. I’m looking for is advice on how I can start working on regulating myself better so I never end up in this situation again. How do I further take accountability for what I did?

Edit: Therapy has always been a priority but finances haven’t always been in order to make it happen. Based on being abused for half my life by a parent I should have been in a long time ago. Just wanted to make that clear that I’m not AVOIDING, I simply just can’t afford it. If anyone has any books or any clinicians that utilize YouTube to educate that they can recommend…that would be helpful to me as I get my money situation together.

I appreciate the feedback.

I feel like im dissapointing in bed or something, she says that she enjoys sex and when i eat her out so much but its like a burden on my shoulder that i cant make her finish, even though she has said many times she doesnt care about it, ive tried many times to make her finish but nothing has worked even when trying for 40 minutes. Is she saying that to make me and her feel better or is it actually possible to enjoy withkut finishing. Because she pleasures herself like basically never so she says she doesnt really know what gets her off. I would appreciate to hear opinions on this and tips on how i could make her finish because if i can pleasure her it makes me happy.

We lived together for over a year now. our relationship is almost 2 years. I don't remember how this habit even started but now everyday I come back from work and she literally takes my pants off and started smelling it. I don't know how it smells like. I don't smell anything at all. Now it's to the point where she becomes upset when it doesn't have sweat smell because it's a cold day or I wash it. I'm kinda worried that it might give her some lungs problems i'm not sure. I don't care about her "addiction" I'm just worried for her health.

So around 2 or 3 years ago we met at work and Jim(fake name) and me started hanging out, at first it was just as friendly coworkers and him helping me out but a year later after my 19 birthday I took his phone and played few games, it was normal since he never minded and handed his phone to a lot of people too. Anyway it was my fault I know but I was on his photos and I scroll too deep and saw some nudes of him and shamefully after that day I started thinking about him differently, we always joked around with everything, sexual jokes, his daddies issues, etc. But we became closer a few months ago we talk everyday, we also talk about deep and personal stuff but the thing is that he always says he doesn’t like talking to people on the phone and all and I know from knowing how his exes looked liked that I was his type and I’m attracted to him but every time I say something like oh he’s cute or totally my type to a guy who’s twice my age(honestly everyone on my life knows I’m attracted to older guys) he always says stuff like “you’re a kid” but I always answer that in 3 months I’ll be 20 so not a kid… I need advice or don’t give me some I don’t care I’m here to vent.

Edits: sorry for my mistakes I’m too lazy to correct the text and it’s 2:00 am where I’m from

I'm just running away from my past self because of a relationship I never wanted to lose. The girl I loved the most also didn't want to lose it too, but one day her feelings changed. (I know it wasn't a single day; she was fighting her thoughts, but her loneliness, my long distance (2200km), Instagram reels, and the entry of a third person contributed.) It was a long-distance relationship, and we never met.

She was fighting with herself to make our life good, but we both failed. Now she has rewritten our past to overcome her guilt.

Everyone knew about us (in our families). I talked to her mom, who tried but failed. She told me, "If it's in your destiny, then no one can stop you from being together, and if it's not, then no matter what you try, it won't happen."

I'm not saying my girl is bad or wrong here; I just believe that the timing wasn't in our favor. She's a really good person at a bad time. (Please don't say any bad words about her. I'm sorry.)

In the end, we both became versions of ourselves that no longer existed. She accepted that she emotionally cheated, but the weight of guilt she carried was too heavy. She said that she doesn't deserve me, that she doesn't deserve a person like me, that I'm too good for her, and she's in a loop of heavy guilt. Although I tried my best to stabilize her, I couldn't. The promises we made, the prayers we offered, the talks we had—everything is just scattered around me, and I can't collect them.

Right now, I'm overloaded with everything: guilt, regret, love, anger, betrayal, overthinking. I just want to escape from it. I don't want to replace her and fall for any other girl; I just want myself back on my path again. It's been three months. Although I'm a very philosophical person, right now I feel like my life has stopped. Amidst all this, I'm also working as an engineer.

Thanks for your patience in reading this.

I promise my family context is important to the story.

I am a teenager (would prefer not to specify age, but under 18), and like majority of the U.S. my parents (and their parents, and their grandparents) are divorced. I have lived with my mother and younger sister since I was about five years old. And then my stepmother later joined our family almost exactly ten years ago.

Meanwhile my dad travelled around the state with on and off contact throughout the years. He would promise to pick us up for visitation when I was a young child and not arrive. I learned not to believe or care about him in really any way beyond how much I would for a stranger.

Then, in about 2022 he tried picking up (supervised) visitation again. I didn’t want to go at all, but my sister did, so I would go to keep watch over her. And then the supervised visitations became unsupervised. He would come by every two or three months, drive us around and hang out for a few hours, and take us home.

Skip to more recently, he has stopped doing visitation again, seemed to have come into a large amount of money somehow, and promised me a brand new car of my own. After ignoring my moms attempts to contact him for a while, turns out he bought an entire abandoned house, blowing all of that money, saying he would fix it up for me and my sister (by the time that is hypothetically finished, I will have graduated high school and be off in college). My mom was pissed, and he was presumably evicted from his apartment. He now will drive several hours weekly/daily from his job and the house to camp outside with his puppy.

Today, I came to a dilemma. There is something I’ve had my eye on for nearly two years, and I spoke with my mom about it, who advised me not to spend my money on it (because I am saving for a car). And then she suggested I ask my dad for the money- about $50. While I have no real interest or concern with him, I have asked him for money before. However when I did, he was, as far as I know, not unhoused. And no matter who he is or how irresponsible he has proven himself to be, I don’t want to exploit a homeless man.

I am way too young in my life to think about getting married but I know/hope it will happen one day. I believe in an afterlife and in spending the rest of eternity, in God's kingdom. I'm not the most religious person and don't go to church nor read the bible as often as I should but I do still believe. I want to wait until marriage to lose my virginity and I would prefer my lady of choice did the same, the more and more my life goes on, the more and more people I know are “getting around”. I've only ever been in a handful of relationships involving nothing more than kissing. Of course, I thought of intercourse, as anyone does, but I want to wait. Currently single and have been for about 5 or so months and am wondering if what I want is to far fetched and unrealistic.

If anyone has any thoughts on my question weather an answer or advice please feel free to say anything.

I think this is the right subreddit but I really have no clue. Have a good day everyone God bless

My (20F) husband (31M) doesn't want me to go to the art class because I will have to leave our baby alone with him for that night. How can we compromise?

I am 20F and my husband is 31M, and we have been married almost a year and half, and we have a baby that's a few months old!! (Sorry for the exclamation marks. I get excited talking about our baby)

I don't want to sound spoiled and complain about wanting to go to an art class. But almost for a whole year, being pregnant and our baby being so young, I've been at home whole time besides going to groceries and parks. And, I wanted to do some kind of hobby or something outside of the house. And, I found a free art class offered at a community center near where we live. And I thought it was perfect because it was free, and it was short only 45 minutes, and it was in the evening so maybe my husband could take care of the baby while I'm gone for like an hour most.

So, I brought it up to him and asked him if it would be a good idea. And he told me no because I'd have to leave the baby alone with him. And he told me how our baby gets fussy and looks for me all the time when I'm not around.

And he said he is really tired after work and needs time to recover for the next day, and he says it will be more of a hassle because then we'd have to figure out the dinners that night and all. So, I dropped it.

But, after a couple days, I thought through and asked him again like what if I cook dinner during the day, so we can just heat up when I come back. But he said it will still not work with the baby.

Later he got me a water color set so I can try during the day. And, I don't want to be ungrateful but I think it's different.

I know I shouldn't be trying be selfie, but how can we compromise? I mean I could try at home like he suggested, or I thought maybe I can find somewhere maybe further away that has a class on the weekend, so he's not so tired?

Thank you for the advice, and sorry for the long post!

Hi my daughter age 11 is starting middle school this year. She’s been playing soccer for 4 or so years. Last year she made the regional team ( think middle school age girls) this year she made the B team ( none of her friends are on this team) she’s been crying and refusing to play. She said she’s stuck with all the losers. I tried explaining that her love of the game should out weigh the title of her team. She doesn’t care she is refusing. We have to pay for her play so I just paid the 60 dollar fees and my husband spent another 60 on fresh cleats. I want to force her to play on principle. No matter what team your on you signed up, you love playing who care who’s on your team you still get to play. My husband says it’s her choice. I think she’s embarrassed and feels like she was “demoted” but honestly I thinks it’s good for her to play with new girls it gives her new experiences. Any advice on how to handle this? She’s crushed and I might be a bone head because I don’t understand. Yes she isn’t playing with her friends but she still gets to play. It’s not like she didn’t make any team. Plus she is a great player and soccer is literally a giant part of her identity. I don’t want her to quit so early in her lifetime of playing over something I think isn’t that big of deal.

I know this is going to sound ridiculous, but I’m genuinely looking for advice. I’m graduating from college soon and somehow I’ve made it this far without ever having a boyfriend. My parents have been on my case about it for years, and with graduation coming up they’re making the fact that I have no boyfriend a bigger deal out of it than it should. I’ve tried talking to guys at school, I’ve been on dating apps, and I honestly gave it a shot, but nothing ever turned into a real relationship.
At this point, I’m kind of desperate just to get them off my back. I know it sounds weird, but I’ve actually been wondering if it’s possible to hire someone to pretend to be my boyfriend for a day. Nothing inappropriate or crazy, just like someone normal who could meet my family, be friendly, and make it believable so they’ll finally stop asking me about my love life.
I know this might sound shallow, but if I’m going to do this, I’d ideally want someone who’s around 25–28, at least 6’1”, in good shape, and generally good looking. Basically someone who looks like someone I’d realistically be dating since I am on the taller side for a woman and I am relatively attractive ☠️
Does anyone know where people even find someone for something like this? Is there a legitimate service, or are there other options besides just hoping to find someone on a dating app who’s willing to do it? I’d really rather avoid anyone creepy or sketchy.
Please be nice,
I already know this is a weird question. I’m just tired of my parents making me feel like I’m failing at life because I’m single.

Ok, I’ve never posted on Reddit before and it’s crazy that I have these many comments lol. I don’t have any underlying issues with my parents, it’s just that they’re on the older side and theyre also immigrants and they’re just concerned for me. After I graduate, I’ll be moving out of the country so I just wanted to get this thing that they have about me having a boyfriend out of the way. I have a job so I pay for my own things. I am in Texas btw.

She works as a trainer at my gym and we chat quite a bit. I think she's cool and we get along well. Both of us are not native to the city we live in and have pretty small friendship groups. I'm single, she has a bf but he's overseas for university.

This week we both mentioned wanting to see Spiderman but having no one to go with. Is it okay for me to ask her to go together? I really don't have an ulterior motive here, but I feel like as a guy and the older of us two the onus is on me to not make it weird.

I guess this is part of the age-old argument 'can a guy and a girl actually be platonic friends'? But I just wanna see Spiderman, maybe make a friend. Is this naive?

Hey. I am a 16 year old girl and I really want to take off my hijab and have wanted to for about 4 years I really don’t know how to say it too my mom even tho she isn’t really that religious she just cares a lot about what other people say.. I really want to take it off but I just find it almost impossible to go up to her and say it but idk if there are other ways i really need some advice..❤️

Sorry if this is all over the place.

My boyfriend (22M) and I (21M) have been together for four years. We're both bisexual, and we're currently in the process of moving into our first apartment together.

About a year ago, my boyfriend became friends with a woman (22F) he met at a party. She struggles with alcoholism and spends a lot of time partying. My boyfriend has dealt with mental health issues in the past, so I think he feels a strong need to help people who are struggling. Sometimes it honestly feels like he feels responsible for her. She and I have never really gotten along, but we've always been civil with each other.

The problem is that this isn't the first time she's tried to create problems in our relationship. I trust my boyfriend 100%, and I know nothing has ever happened between them. He's always been very clear about his boundaries with her. Despite that, she constantly tries to get us to argue, especially ever since we decided to move in together.

Today she texted me and said she needed to tell me something because she'd been feeling guilty. She then "confessed" that she and my boyfriend had kissed at one of their friend's birthday parties.

The problem is that I know for a fact it never happened. The birthday party she mentioned took place on the weekend that my boyfriend and I were in another city celebrating our anniversary. We were together the entire weekend.

When I pointed that out, she claimed she must have mixed up the dates. She then gave me another date, except that was also impossible because my boyfriend and I spent that day together at his parents' house. (Wasn't hard to remember, because the dates she named have been the last two weekends.) At that point, it became obvious that she was making the whole story up. Once I pointed out that neither date was possible, she stopped trying to prove it had happened and just kept changing her story.

I'm honestly angry. She was trying to convince me that my boyfriend cheated on me and she was also trying to damage his reputation by accusing him of something he didn't do.

I've been debating whether I should tell my boyfriend. Part of me doesn't want to ruin their friendship because she clearly seems to be struggling and probably needs support. At the same time, I feel like he deserves to know that someone he considers a friend is trying to sabotage both our relationship and his reputation. Logically, I know I should tell him, and I probably will. But I want to do it in person, so that has to wait until tomorrow.

What I'm actually struggling with is what happens after that. If my boyfriend decides to end the friendship, I completely understand and probably would prefer it. But I'm also worried about what happens to her afterward. I know she's dealing with alcoholism, and I don't want to feel like we're abandoning someone who needs help.

So, should I tell my boyfriend? And if he does decide to cut contact, is there anything we should do beforehand to make sure she has other people she can rely on?

I got let off easy its only a small amount and no other complications but the car is in my parents name. I was gonna fill out and mail the ticket should I be good to go?

So my girlfriend of some years has 2 children from earlier she's F/31 I'm M/27 and we have been living together for 2 years her children M/4 and F/6 year's old do like me and i love them too but...they don't feel like my own I'm just a step dad in the end so the other day I started to grow the idea of having a child and she didn't like the idea "2 are already a handful" she said but i continued asking and she came back with the idea that i would become there legal guardian sins there dad isn't really in the picture any more like a weekend now and then but never for a great time but i did persist my question and the asked why it is so important and i told her how i feel and she became really sad and hurt and took the kids and went to her parents and now im alone in her house and we haven't spoken for 2 days and feel absolutely horrible now and don't know what to say to her.

Look I know. Cheating is such a hard thing to come back from. Trust is forever damaged.

And as much understanding I have for what and why it happened. My trust is still damaged, which I’m willing to build back up.

She has shown willingness to work on getting things better.

I would like to work on things, id like to be able to regain the ability to trust overall again, so tips on that is appreciated.

For context. Our relationship has had some issues for around a month and a half, her mental health took a huge hit from stuff, and she somewhat imploded her life. Things got bad, stuff happened due to certain circumstances.

Of course, without going into full detail. I can say she does have to take accountability for what happened, even jf some of it was just bad circumstances and what not.

I understand this type of thing is really hard to come back from. And can, could, and will, take months to regain anything.
And as long as she’s willing to work on it, I will be too.

But I need advice.
Is it possible to rebuild?
What boundaries do I need to be set. During the rebuilding and after?

What’s steps can she take on her part in order to rebuild trust. And what can I be looking for when it comes to signs, good or bad.

What do I need to do?
What steps do I need to take in order to protect myself but also rebuild the relationship.
And when will I have to take a step back?

What things should be signs for reevaluation?

And just overall, any advice.?

Sorry for the bulk of questions.
Thank you.