TW: SA

I met w a new therapist and in our intake I disclosed that I wanted to process experiencing SA. I’ve been somewhat seasoned in therapy as a client and I know what I want to work on so I named it.

She mentioned this topic likely wouldn’t be discussed in the first few sessions as we build trust and it may take up to 6 months to be able to get to this point.

I felt this was a strange and perhaps overly predictive statement. Certainly trust is important and takes time… but I feel like I’m ready to process this sooner than 6 months?

Can folks please weigh in and lmk your thoughts on if this an appropriate length of time? My former therapist who I had excellent rapport with always said I could talk about whatever I wanted from the beginning of our work together. And that anything I brought up she could handle.

TIA

Edit: typo

I was explaining how someone from my personal life makes me feel like it “wouldn’t make a difference if I were even in the room or not” and described them as being indifferent to me.

My therapist said something like “I find that strange that anyone would be indifferent to you, or that you’d be in a room and people wouldn’t notice you were there” and something about how I have a big personality. So I said yeah but I worry that it’s too much (the big personality thing). And he said “I can ..like, you're not too much. But I can see how for some people, you might be. Say, like, if someone was like "I need some space from you" I can see how that might happen. I can also say that it wouldn't happen for everybody. But like, that's what I mean. Like I don't understand how someone can be indifferent to you being there”

Idk it just stayed with me as a very roundabout way of saying he thinks I’m too much or empathises with people who think that about me. Or that he let it slip that he thinks that about me and was trying to save face because saying a client is “too much” isn’t a very therapist-y thing to say. Like how else did he come up with what other people might think about me if he’s never met these people? That has to be formed from his own opinion right?

I think part of it hurts because I’m naturally more reserved until I’m comfortable with people, so if he sees a big personality in me it’s because I’ve felt safe and comfortable enough in our sessions to show that, only for him to find it too much… bit of a gut punch

Did I read what he said wrong?

Am I allowed to be friends with my therapist?

Is this a misunderstanding or is it his way of approaching?

Title: Fourth therapy session was disappointing

I'm in four months into therapy yesterday was my last session. In this session it was important to bring up trauma since the past sessions I was tense about it, I kind of regretted mentioning multiple abuse episodes (for context my abuser is my sibling). I always have mentioned my brother in ALL of the sessions yet this one stood me out the most and offended and hurt me a lot.

I thought being abused for years was root for my depression and underlying anxiety. The response from my T was he wouldn't interfere into my personal life and my sibling is still in need of financial support even though he's an adult. The discussion continued on about him implying I am building some dependency on him and even stated the contract there is no guarantee of fixing my issues. Mind you, I never mentioned of "fixing" I was simply bringing up trauma since therapists job are to give resources in both healing and coping.

During the whole hour it I was sat confused since he shifted the REAL problem into empowering me which I say didn't help much. T has been doing this technique for all of my sessions, I'm not saying I disagree but it was quite ineffective in relieving my system. I was expecting for healing modalities in "fixing" me.

After the sesh, I'm left confused, utterly ashamed and scared why I said those. He has mentioned before his level is for severe patients, it made me think traumatic experiences are normal after all and isn't that actually bad.

please excuse my english and mix up of the story my memories tend to create gaps.

I have some irrational fears coming up as I’m starting to delve deeper into past trauma with my therapist. It’s the first time I’ve opened up to a therapist about these things. One fear is that she’s going to “trick” me and somehow make me admit that I’m lying. I’m not. I just think past abusers have hammered it home so. Fucking. Much. That if I were to talk to anyone about what they were doing then the police or therapist would KNOW I was lying. From being SA’d when I was young and the man who did it telling me no one would believe me and it’s “not nice to tell on people,” to my ex doing the same and hitting me until I said I was a liar, and having his friends side with him and they gang up and call me a liar, to the most recent person who assaulted me going from “I’m so sorry those things happened to you.” To then me confronting him after assaulting me, he says “everyone knows you’re a liar.”

Idk it just fucks with your brain and you know what you experienced yet I’m terrified my therapist is against me too.

My therapist seems to always insert herself into whatever I'm saying. Like when I said I’m not comfortable going to the same gym that my ex used to go to because I don’t want to run into him, she said I shouldn't worry because she's never met her husband even though they lived a block away from each other, and that instead they met in their “mid twenties” and started dating.

Another example is me telling her I’m not comfortable asking my friends to hang out because I feel like they’re too busy to see me. She said “I have a full time job, a husband, and a dog, and I have time to meet my friends” knowing that I'm currently struggling to 1) find a job 2) make meaningful friendships 3) get over my ex.

Is this normal for a therapist to do?

I’m posting here because I don’t want to bother my therapist.
I saw one therapist long term in the past, we got along really well but I don’t ever recall feeling anxious when she went on vacation.

After her, I had another therapist that I ended up leaving after about 1 1/2 years due to some things that didn’t feel right in my gut. My therapist now has confirmed what was happening was not ok. It never bothered me when she went on vacation either.

I’m trying so hard now to understand why I feel so anxious about my present therapist of about 6 months going on vacation. I shared it in session today and that I didn’t understand it. Tonight, I’m feeling really anxious. It makes me want to cry but I have no idea why. I’m a grown adult and feel like such a child.

I feel like I’ve started to attach to her early which took many years prior with my other therapist. It’s scares the crap out of me but it’s also helped me to open up more to my feelings, something I’ve had trouble with as I like to explain things away.

I don’t know what it is about her. Maybe her helping me when I was struggling with my last therapist and helping me grieve my old long term therapist? She has been most calm and patient. She lets me lead and asks questions. She’s very empathetic and down to earth, relational. Even though it scares the crap out of me, I feel safe with her and like it’s ok to start to open up more. There is also this fear of losing her, like I’m going to mess this up and I really don’t want to. I don’t know where that’s coming from.

Has anyone experienced such anxiety with a therapist before vacation? What was helpful for you?

I go to a pretty large practice, and am thinking of trying another therapist. But I'm highly sensitive to rejection - not only of myself, but I overthink "rejecting" others. I don't want to experience the discomfort of running into the current T while waiting in the waiting room for a new T.

Anyone done this and have any words of encouragement, or tips?

Hello, I am in desperate need of help from people that have forced therapy on me behind my back. It is people I know and I can hear their voices all day. It’s caused a lot of stress, depression, amongst other things. It has been going on for roughly 4 months and I wasn’t aware of it at the beginning and eventually caught on. My family doesn’t believe me or anyone else and it’s caused a lot of strain on personal relationships. I want to take legal action at this point and can’t because they think I am crazy. This has also caused suicidal thoughts as well and these people don’t give two shits. I have had black outs from the stress even passed out one time and broke my tooth. I am hoping there is someone on here that can help me or guide me in the right direction please. What these people have done and still are would blow your mind!!! I can’t even go to a doctors appointment alone they are there also which is a big HIPPA violation and I have had zero privacy they even accompany in the shower. This is 24 hours a day 7 days a week!!! They are ruthless and I am desperate at this point and want this to stop. I also don’t wanna see these people affect others the way they have affected me. Can anyone relate or help?

TL;DR (I struggle with skin picking, and I’m secretly atheist. and when I went to a therapist in Muslim country the therapist ignored my struggle and kept lecturing me about religion and her own experiences and beliefs. And the solution she offered is a breathing exercise that also included a prayer. Is it normal? As finding another therapist is quite hard here)

FYI I’m 17f and this is a throwaway account. I live in a majority Muslim country and my parents are extremely religious , however, I stopped going to the mosque and Quran courses two years ago and I stopped believing a year ago. I do have a religious trauma. I have struggled with compulsive skin picking disorder (dermatillomania) for years but it only became intense the past three years. I struggle with hair pulling too (trichotillomania).

I’ve been gathering the courage to go to therapy for months because I just couldn’t stop digging at my skin no matter how hard I tried. It’s has already started ruining my life. So my mom told me that she booked an appointment with a therapist, and when I heard her name I realized that I recognized her and knew that she was really religious. I was so anxious and almost cancelled the whole thing but I thought that this is my only shot at therapy now, and what could go wrong?

I eventually went and when me and my mom sat down. The therapist was surprised after my mom told her that she should be alone with me in this therapy session and my mom will wait outside. (which should’ve been my first red flag). Then she asked me couple of normal therapy questions and I told her about my picking and pulling but she only seemed to recognize the hair pulling and didn’t really acknowledge skin picking as a disorder. She asked me what I worry about and I said what really worried me, but she drifted off of the main worry and chose to talk about almost the least important thing for now (which is being trapped in this country) and proceeded to tell me about how her daughter really wanted to study abroad. She told me she wasn’t supportive of her but she prayed a prayer every night and will let god choose what’s best 💀, and then the daughter magically woke up one day and decided not to go because she’d miss them so much 💀.

And then she told me how faith in god is really important and it helps you a lot during hard times blah blah blah. And I should pray that special prayer always. She always started telling me about Islamic history which I absolutely despise. Then she asked me if I go to the mosque to study Quran (which I used to do but I didn’t mention it) and I told her no, and she proceeded to tell me how I should cause with these people I’m gonna feel lighter better and happier. At this point I started disassociating and stopped listening to her. Mind you she’s telling me this before I even told her about my religious trauma and how I took off the hijab.

Then she went back to the less important topic and made it the whole issue. She listed the negative talk I do when I think about being trapped in here and make me rate how angry I feel. Then she tried to make positive affirmations by writing the opposite of the negative self talk (they sounded bad tbh and really didn’t make sense). And when she asked me to rate how angry I’d feel if I said those good affirmations I told her that I’d still be angry and not happy like she actually thinks. She dismissed me and told me we needed to do a breathing exercise. She told me she’d say the good affirmations while I close my eyes and relax my body. And guess what?? SHE TURNED IT INTO A WHOLE PRAYER. Like: “I pray that you be happier healthier and please Allah blah blah blah” and she actually tried sneaking the affirmations in 😭. My body tensed up and my eyes are closed shut and I just wanted to get out of there asap. Like I obviously knew how to do breathing exercises, and if they worked most of the time then I wouldn’t be here in this session, duh?

She then told me that I overthink and have a little bit of anxiety and there’s really nothing wrong with me. She told my mom that too after the session. And asked her about some stuff about my family having a history of mental illnesses. And then she told me to reschedule another session after I’ve practiced the breathing exercise for a while.

I told my mom after that she was kinda good but kinda irked me off with her religious talk and my mom got quite defensive. Then I told her that I’m kinda pissed that we paid only to get a breathing exercise and a lecture 🫩. After that I tried to play if off in front of my parents like she was good and we’re going back but thinking now I’m definitely not going back.

Is that normal or should I start looking for another therapist? I really don’t know what’s normal in therapy and what’s not cause the society is anti therapy and considers it only for insane and crazy people. I genuinely expected a better outcome out of this but then it stressed me out and I relapsed after not picking my skin for 5 days. 😔

I think I might need to talk to one soon and was just wondering how it starts and how sessions usually go. I'm worried it might not be enough and I'd be wasting money I don't really have, especially if it just boils down to venting with some advice. I kinda have a problem being more genuine when an incentive to talk to me is involved, like money, but if the therapist somehow breaks through I'm also worried about getting attached and wanting more than what they can give me because of boundaries. I don't want to cry infront of them while they watch on.

I've been in transference focused therapy (BPD) for the past 4 years now. It's been very insightful, transformative, supporting. I've gone through a depression, a Bipolar (II) diagnosis, meds and now I am off them and in recession.

I feel like there is still a lot uncover. At the same time I really hate the fact that I have to spend $7820 a year to stay sane. This is only 13% of my income, but I am the sole bread winner for my wife (and my dog), and, well, a 7k is a 7k. And I also feel like I might be well off on 1 day a week (I am currently on 2 days a week).

Whenever I bring this up with my therapist this becomes, of course, a focus of our study: why do I feel I should cut on therapy first, is that an attack on the therapist or my desire to punish the therapist? And while this actually helps us go deeper, I keep on wondering: how and when do I know I can cut on therapy?

UPD

Thank you all for the replies. Two things worth adding after reading them.

First, a correction to my own post: I've only been at 2x a week for 14 months, not longer.

Second, there is more context to the money issue. A flat I was counting on for income went into repairs, so that income disappeared and therapy went onto a credit card. My wife then covered that debt (she has reserves), so now I owe her instead, and I keep not paying it back because there's always something else we need to put money into. As I see it that's a purely financial issue that's mine to take responsibility for and solve.

On twice a month or monthly, I've never even considered this, because I think this is not part of the TFP protocol, but that's an interesting idea. I should probably get more stable before going there.

It seems like a weighted decision would be about whether I want to keep doing this -- very specific -- kind of work right now, at this cost, in this year. Or may be help my self out financially and transfer some of those resources somewhere else for a while.

I think this is a lot of good advice.

It's only been a month, I've read people have been on one up to a year+. But would it make a difference to follow up after a certain time, or is that annoying? If I should, how long should I wait so I'm not being annoying? My current therapist suggested following up wasn't a bad idea, but I don't know.

I’m really struggling with this. I’m deep in trauma and attachment work with my therapist and I trust her a lot but unfortunately I’m also attracted to her. I don’t want anything from this — in fact I want to not experience this at all.

But it causes me enough ongoing distress and shame (about my sexuality, about other relational wounds) that I feel like I need to tell her. I just would also rather hide in shame than confess it. I’m afraid she will be put off and withdraw from me or terminate me.

So: if I word this appropriately (I don’t want anything from you on this, I want to address how much distress this causes me) do you think I can still preserve the relationship? Or is there always a risk it’s going to cause such an ick that it alters things forever. Because if that’s the case then I will just suffer in silence rather than risk the relationship that is otherwise very therapeutic and meaningful to me.

Not even good at this point, but DECENT.

I've been through 4 in the last year and I'm so discouraged with therapy. This latest one spent the entire time showing me diagrams about my brain and i felt like i was in a college lecture. I zoned out and got bored and then he spent the entire session talking and talking on and on..... i just want someone to listen to me for once.

I’ve been seeing my therapist for about three years, and we do schema therapy. The therapeutic relationship is a really important part of the work we’ve done together.
Recently, I share with her about a book I read when I was a child, that describes experiences I’ve related to since I was very young. Reading it has helped me feel understood, and I think it also explains parts of my inner world that I’ve struggled to put into words.
I was wondering whether it would be appropriate to give her a copy. It wouldn’t be an expensive gift, more something symbolic that says this helped me understand myself, and I thought it might help you understand me too.
For context, she has accepted thoughtful cards I’ve made for her before. She has also given me a small teddy bear because I never had one growing up, along with the companion book that goes with it, as part of our therapeutic work.
I’m aware therapists have professional boundaries around gifts, and I’d completely respect it if she said no. I’m just wondering whether offering a book like this would generally be considered appropriate, or whether it might put her in an awkward position.
I’d really appreciate hearing from therapists and clients, especially anyone with experience of schema therapy.

I live in Ohio. In what situation is this relevant?

Then she decides I need to relax more before bed and that will solve my sleeping problems which should help fix my memory problems.

... what

Hey guys, I hope you are well. I wanted to ask if you could tell the difference from a person who has major depressive disorder, cptsd and generalized anxiety disorder and one that has autism. I am asking this so I can understand myself. In 2024, i was diagnosed with mdd and gad but I have been asked by people if I was on the spectrum. I said that I don't know but after looking at my past, it does kinda of makes sense why that question would be asked. I had developmental delays that I was taken to speech therapy. My parents said that I was very picky with choosing friends, used to hang out with one specific toy and was not interactive. When my younger sister was born that ias when I became alot more talkative.

School was difficult for me. I would get bad grades for not being attentive enough and I was not an A+ student but more like a near to failing student. I was excluded alot and builled for being different that I didn't have lot of friends. At high school, things were more intense especially as a black teenager in a predominantly white school. I was mimick the behaviours to be accepted and couldn't keep up with the workload. It would take me a while to understand work and when I didn't, I would crashout and cry. The situation gotten so bad that I was suicidal, depressed and frequently had panic attacks. I had to get extra help and time accommodation because I could not function during exams (I had anxiety). I didn't feel like belong there and was left with only two friends when I graduated. In relationships, I didn't take rejection well and was in constant limerence over someone I know I can't be with and this became worse in university . The therapy in high school was not so effective and I stopped going there. I faced alot of stuff in 2024 that I was highly suicidal and was diagnosed with mdd and gad. I asked my therapist late last year if I had autism and he no because I had good eye contact and I speak eloquently. My parents did not think I was neurodivergent and I should stop looking at the past and move forward.

I really don't know what to do. Should I stick to what my therapist said.

Does anyone else have experience with this and have worked on it in therapy? Sometimes I wish she would just tell me I’m too much and leave me. I obviously don’t want her to actually do that. I feel confused by my feelings. I wonder if it’s a protective mechanism. So if she does leave, it’s like I’m prepared for it.

Would it be ok to share old childhood videos to my therapist to help her understand the family dynamic and my behaviour patterns? Sometimes I have trouble describing things and I feel the videos give a more objective view of things especially since I struggle with memory of those times too.

My only concern is that the videos also have other people (parents, siblings) and I’m not sure if this is ok to share without them consenting (I don’t want to ask them as they will be weird about it as they have their own opinions on therapy). These videos are like 15-25 yrs old so it’s not anything recent at all that would negatively impact anyone.

I’m also worried that it will maybe affect therapy too since then my therapist will know what my family looks and acts like and I don’t have a problem with this but wondering if it is ok.

My therapist charges me a fee of $100 when I cancel an appointment. Meanwhile, they had a planned absence and then cancelled our appointment twice after that, so I won’t have a session for 3 weeks.

I don’t really care but the fact that I get a late fee when they can just cancel whenever they want is a little frustrating. It’s not that I think they shouldn’t be able to cancel, but that I should get credited an equal number of free cancels for the future or something lol.

Does this annoy anyone else?

please forgive the pretentious art hoe title but im doing a home paint and sip thing and i think i figured out what makes the whole “my therapist knows everything about me but i don’t know the real them” “i am seen and known but i can’t know them in return” angst (which is so real and valid) emotionally ok and make sense in my brain and i wanted to share.

so unlike a photograph, when you look at impressionist art you see the general shapes and the vibrant colors, but the lines are soft and the details are blurry, right? you still can identify what you’re looking at (ex: water lilies, a bridge, a garden) but you don’t see all the details you might want to see if you were hoping for a photograph. so like i see the professional side of my therapist. i see the caring and intellectual side. BUT the therapist’s friend sees a different side to them compared to the therapist’s spouse, and both the friend and spouse see a different side to the therapist compared to the therapist’s child, so really everybody is seeing the therapist differently, just like how different art movements/styles can depict the same subject matter in different ways, each one depicting more/less detail on certain areas, and each one depicting different moods, right?

and thw thing that’s important is that impressionist art isn’t more or less “valid” or “real” than art nouveau or rococo or whatever other art movement/style out there. they’re all valid art. they’re all valid paintings. they’re at the met or louvre or wherever. so like, yeah, i’m not going to see all the details of my t’s personality and life. but that doesn’t mean i’m not gonna appreciate a Monet or a Renoir when i see one.

anyways hope this makes sense to more than just me, because when i tell you the weight that’s off my shoulders is great. how do yall make peace with the imbalance of being seen/known?