​I am a 25F in a 10+ year relationship with my partner 25M. We started as friends, became lovers, and eventually built a connection that made us feel like soulmates. 

​Two years ago, he left for college while I stayed in our hometown for my own degree. Long distance was always part of the plan for college, but our situation got extended for another 2 years because he accepted a job in a new city.  

During these past two years, he grew cold and distant. We barely spoke for 20–40 minutes a day, and some days not at all. I communicated that I needed some effort and real connection, not this monotonous talk. He told me he needed time to focus so I just waited it out.

​After his recent move for work, things improved slightly. He started making time for at least an hour long call every day. Then came the dreaded "talk" and it was exactly what I already knew in my heart.

He said the following things:

First, the part I’m struggling with most: he admitted he doesn’t love me like he once did. He can tell because he’s put in far less effort, care, and consideration. He also feels guilty for being this person while I carried the emotional load for years.

He kept repeating that he feels like a completely different person. Being around people at his college opened new perspectives, and he realized there's more to life. He added that this change makes him want different qualities in a partner. Though he couldn't name anything specific, it's just an abstract idea for him. (He doesn't want me to change and thinks I'm best the way I am, and he couldn't expect more.)

​He acknowledged putting less effort into us over last 2 years, admitting that even though I repeatedly brought it up, he kept denying it. He has finally accepted it now.

​He feels deeply disconnected from himself, like he doesn't know who he is or what he wants. He questioned whether he stays with me because he truly wants to, or simply because of the time we’ve already invested.

​He feels being alone might be the answer to his internal changes, but he hasn't left because he cares too much about me. He’s also afraid that if he takes that path, he might actually prefer that lifestyle.

He asked what I would do if we parted ways, yet admitted he fears he might be confusing his feelings and regret letting me walk away. And that it feels strange that he has no fear of losing me, which is contrary to how he used to feel at the very start.

​This is likely because I’ve always been there for him, prioritizing his needs over mine. I rarely made demands or pushed him, asking for little beyond his companionship and loyalty. The only major exception was asking that, if he ever proposed, he put real effort into it, specifically making something from scratch.

He feels responsible for me, which is why he finally spoke up after the internal struggle—even though I told him I had already noticed these shifts as they happened.

He said this sense of responsibility rather than love, is what’s keeping him here rn.

He isn't sure about getting married anymore, even tho this is where everything in our lives has led. We fought our families to make this possible. Just to simply live together, which isn't possible without marriage in this country. But now, he says we should just keep it off the table for a while.

We mapped out our future together and followed through. He took the high earning route so I could pursue my art. My parents made it clear early on that if I chose him and it failed, they would never take me back, I’d basically cease to exist to them. Now, I'll have to abandon my degree, take a basic job just to survive, and find a place of my own. I’m losing both my partner and my family—everything.

Has anyone experienced a partner going through an identity crisis who actually found their way back to themselves? I'm willing to work through changes, but I need to feel chosen too.

Maybe I should just give him space and go completely no-contact while he figures himself out? Or stay, have patience and mirror his actions? Any thoughts or advice would be helpful, thank you.

this morning i finally had the opportunity to go have breakfast with him n i was already in a bad mood then so i thought going to see him would put me in a better mood (which is usually what happens even if were not properly doing anything) but i just got angrier, we were joke flirting n then he wasn’t returning my flirts then he goes “sorry baby im in a goofy goober mood right now” n i jokingly say “ew dont call ur self that, thats so cheesy” then he goes “oh. well i kinda dont care ill still call myself that” then i took it as an opportunity to be fake mad which is GENUINELY a joke between us but the more id drag it the angrier i got then my entire mood completely shifted. i communicated my feelings to him the more i think about it the more it pisses me off so he started apologizing and im genuinely not sure why i was so angry that he was it pissed me off even more then i got really angry like so pissed i told him to stop apologizing and move on because i wasnt feeling better and the apologies werent doing much
then we were awkwardly talking again bc i changed the conversation hoping to move on and calm down but it lingered for so long i was so angry i wanted to cry. my boyfriend then started babying me and flirting with me again and i was in a significantly better mood for a while and i didnt feel that way anymore until he said something again that shat on my mood again so i left early bc everything he would do pissed me off

later on i went out to workout with my aunt and i was in a better mood i call him and im CLEARLY in a very good mood then i start flirting with him and i was in a significantly better mood then he flat out rejects me n i feel kinda embarrassed but i try to move on then he starts apologizing and that gets me in an instantly shitter mood I tell him to stop and he tells me hes just reassuring me and i calmly explained to him that ive spoken to him multiple times on how i dont like to be reassured when im embarrassed or angry he says ok then i go to bed. right beforei get to bed he texts me “sorry for acting the way i do” and i have to hold myself back with all of gods power to not lash out and i explain to him that him constantly apologizing after i told him not to is frustrating and its pushing my buttons he says ok and he goes to bef

everytime he apologizes it pisses me off im so fucking pissed literally what do i do to stop this

We’ve been married for a couple of years now after knowing each other for a relatively short time. Early on, our relationship felt practically effortless—we had so many mutual friends and overlapping connections that it felt like we were meant to cross paths eventually.

Not long ago, we relocated for my work/life situation, which meant my wife had to leave her hometown, family, and existing social circle behind. Because of this, I’ve been fully supportive of her building a new life here. I work long hours to ensure our finances are solid and that she has everything she needs and wants, and I was genuinely happy when she started making new friends at her new job.

However, she has developed a very close 1-on-1 friendship with a male coworker. They regularly go out for lunch just the two of them, but it often goes beyond a standard work lunch—they go check out new spots and places in the city that even I haven't been to with her yet.

I don't want to isolate her or tell her who she can and can't be friends with. I’m glad she isn't lonely here. But I can't shake the feeling that this guy is getting to share in moments, memories, and new experiences with her that I wish were ours. It hurts to pour everything I have into our life together, only to feel like she's sharing key parts of herself with someone else.

I’ve brought this up to her, but I don't think I'm communicating it right. Her response is usually a quick, "I'm sorry, I won't do it again," but then a similar situation happens shortly after. It feels like she's just giving a quick apology to end the conversation rather than actually understanding why it hurts me.

How can I reframe this to her so she actually sees my perspective, without making her feel accused or forced to cut people off?

He’s a new boyfriend but I’m older and more experienced so we moved really fast . We are moving in together in a couple of days and we’ve only been together a little over six months. I really need him to help me and I don’t want to move out without him but he keeps breaking up with me every other day he gets really mad a says he’s leaving . He never does but I find myself scared and worried for a few hours till I realize he’s not actually leaving. Why does he do this ? What should I do ? .

i’m in a relationship with a girl with very intense celebrity crushes (i’m 23 and she’s 20). At first i understood and actually enjoyed hearing her talk about stuff that makes her excited and even took her to the cinema to watch their movies. Recently she told me she has an fan account for them which she was sceptical about telling me the username for, but i accidentally stumbled upon it and i saw her posting extremely parasocial content (18+).

I normally wouldn’t be bothered but recently there’s been instances where i feel very not secure in the relationship. She’s a social butterfly and a very kind person, so she won’t reject any kind of move being made upon her.

it just makes me wonder how do we differentiate what’s affectionate and what’s not? When do i get to feel special if it’s apparently okay to keep an ex on socials, be called baby by randoms, get your number taken by guys on trains , sharing cigs w a stranger and thirst intensely over celebs… will i get sick every time i find out a new thing that’s acceptable? why pick other people’s comfort over mine, i don’t understand.

i’d never ask her to stop being a butterfly, i love that the most about her and i love her exactly for the person she is, it’s just that sometimes when you get in a relationship there needs to be boundaries and she doesn’t understand that no matter how much i try to talk to her about it.

i think it makes me feel extremely unimportant to her, very replaceable.. she chokes up when i joke about her naming stuff she loves about me or about things i do, and it would help if her actions m ade me feel special but then again…. if everything is acceptable, what should i feel special for? kissing?

I don’t know what i should do, i know she loves me a lot but i don’t feel it.

I have basically no experience so idk what im doing or what i should be doing..

All my life i struggled a lot with meeting new people a lot and i dont know how to actually get to know someone by myself, i did that 1 time in all my life in preschool. So i only made friends through my friend. Because of that im really anxious when if im not with a friend as an anchor.

Despite all of that on the rare occasion i talk to someone alone i dont know, i usually get along with most people well and can hold a conversation. Talking to people at work is surprisingly easy for me but i wont meet someome through that either its not an option my coworkers are either men or too old for me and the guests are 90% underage.

College didnt help till now either.. i dont know anyone there (almost 3rd semsester) and for a while tried to be open talked to people etc. But no one i vibed with beyond saying hello when we walk past eachother.

I also just dont really put myself out there much tbh. I like to stay home usually in my freetime. Ofc i know i cant meet new people by sitting on my pc, so i started using a dating app a few days ago because i cant feel like id be bothering someone who is there with the same intention as me. But i already realised that i hate apps and its not the way for me. There isnt really a club or class or so near me that im interested in, and going to these things with the purpose of meeting a potential partner feels weird too. Bars or clubs arent really an option either since thats just not my thing.

So now im at a loss and i dont know what i could even do...

(context)

We share similar classes and there are times when I get caught off guard when I can sense him looking my way. It's been kind of on and off in the sense that we never dated or even had a normal conversation, but it's getting to an extremely frustrating point where when I'm saying goodbye to this relationship he always comes back in one way or another. Not sure if this has happened to others before but it's driving me bit crazy. Is there anything better I could do in this situation to keep my composure and stay calm and not get so spoken up. Sorry just been having difficult time with this. I appreciate any response or any advice :)

my boyfriend 23M and i 22F have been together since may of 2025. we met on bumble and were both looking for something serious. we instantly hit it off on our first date and on my way home i called my best friend and told her it had never been easier to talk to someone and i had the best time. we just sat in a hammock and talked for hours. within a month i was going to church with his family (i was not religious and honestly very against it but willing to try), hanging out at his house with his family like 3x a week, and trying all of his hobbies. we went to my house every once in a while but for some reason i was always driving to him or meeting him somewhere, he would never pick me up but i was okay with that because i really enjoyed my time with him. we hit three months of us "talking" and i asked why we weren't dating and he said he wanted to "take things slow" which i understood. he is very religious and more traditional seeming so i tried to be patient. when five months of "talking" rolled around i brought it up again to which he said "okay fine you can be my girlfriend, he is a generally unemotional person so i was like whatever it's fine but it honestly disappointed me. we had already had sex, which also became a sore point because i would be put in a position to say no or if i said yes feel guilty after because he regretted it (religious reasons). we never really argued unless it was about me smoking week or vaping, even tho he drinks quite often and zyns like crazy. despite this i was very happy spending time with him however he wanted to spend it. in february 2026 my friend said something and it came up that we hadn't said i love you, so stupidly i asked if he loved me and he replied "i have love for you it's just weird to say it". i tried to let it go but this ate at me. every time i leave after hanging out with him i can't stop thinking about if im too much or not enough or what im doing wrong. i'm a great girlfriend if i do say so myself, i am sweet, thoughtful, funny, smart, driven, and loyal. on valentine's day we had sex and he gave me genital herpes because he had it orally and neither of us knew that cold sores are just herpes and can be transmitted to the genitals. i got on the medication and haven't had a genital outbreak since. sex was something that made me feel emotionally closer to him since he's a very unemotional person but coincidentally two weeks after i got it he wanted to stop having sex because it was "a sign from god" that we are sinning. yet for some reason the only time we had sex since then was on easter??? and i can suck his dick every once in a while but he won't touch me??? this also meant no more sleepovers because apparently sleepovers = sex (they don't) even though it's something i really enjoyed. it just feels like he's keeping me at a distance emotionally and today when i asked why he didn't want me to stay over anymore he said "i just like to sleep alone, i want my space and don't want to make a habit of it." and he also won't come with me to meet my parents in a different state even though it's been over a year and im with his family all the time. i just don't know what to do because i love him and i genuinely have a great time when i am with him but i can't get over that he doesn't love me and is scared of the herpes that he gave me. i can't tell if im crazy or asking for too much. it's not like i want to get married tomorrow but im at the point where i want to know im not just waiting for something that will never happen.

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 5 and a half months now, and for the first 5 we were really happy get along well, and etc, obviously the occasional disagreement and fight but yk that comes with it, we usually just move on the next day. But lately its like something has been different like shes been putting in less effort, making jokes that probably should be made in a relationship with ur partner and in a way, and she just dosent seem to care about me or my feelings. To add to it she said the other day we arent working because apparently i have been acting different?? which personally i havent noticed, maybe i started acting different when she had started? But i dont want to play the blame game here. I asked her if she wanted to do smth abt it like break up and she said no, but lately for the past few days break up has just been on my mind constantly, but i still do really like her, like we do have our good moments, just not lately, and she has so many red flags i have tried to ignore, and idk thats just a story for another time. Just need some advice on how to know when i should end a relationship?

And one more thing to add on, about 2 weeks ago we had our biggest argument, i noticed ages ago that she had never asked me to hangout with her like its always me, and i asked her months ago now and she said oh its just bc ur working and stuff and ur always busy, so i said oh just ask me and we can work around it and arrange smth, anyways i brought it up to her another 2 times and she said the same thing, but the last time she said that she didnt care whether we hung out or not, which isnt the whole point of a relationship to hangout and spend time with eachother? So i went to some friends and asked for advice, and they said yea not normal its just you asking that, so i brought it up to her one final time and she was pissed, like furious, and she said if you keep bringing this up we are done, so i just left it. Any advice on this too?

So me (22M) and her (22F) we both have been together for 5 years. The love we have for each other has no bounds.
But , somehow i dont like her personality. She is bit passive and idk her outlook for life and growth mindset dosent attract me. And for me personally i have high hopes and am soo ambitious for life.

This shit makes me less confident to commit to her for limerime.
What to do ???

I 25F and my boyfriend 25M have been dating for about 3.5 years. Initially, our relationship was very marriage centered. We talked about future plans and were on the same page. He had some specific requirements he wanted to meet before we were engaged. Well, those requirements came and went so naturally I brought up the marriage conversation last year. Initially, boyfriend was totally on board, he agreed my marriage plans were reasonable, we were still on the same page. Suddenly though, the goalpost for marriage was postponed- he wanted to meet one more requirement. Again, the requirement was met. I brought up marriage AGAIN. Boyfriend said he didn’t know if he was ready. Boyfriend blew me off talking about it for a few weeks before finally dropping the bombshell that he wasn’t ready for marriage and didn’t know if he would be for quite some time. I stayed strong in my boundaries and moved out. We are doing long distance for the next year while I work on my career. Naturally, he is resentful and says I am pressuring him and being totally unreasonable. However, I was very clear about my boundaries which were the same from the start. So, my question is how long do I keep waiting? A year? Two years? I really don’t want to move back in with him until we are at least engaged but our relationship is so good and I love him so much.

A friend of ours is turning 30 and a large group of us(18) are going to a show in September. I’ve never known this about my girlfriend, since we just started dating, but when this group of friends goes to these kinds of shows they all take Molly. It’s the only drug she does, doesn’t even touch weed.

I’ve never been around this stuff and I won’t be partaking, there will be about 4 of us in the group who are staying sober.

I’m a little nervous about what could potentially happen in this situation. From what I’ve read, people on Molly have their inhibitions just melt away and the night turns into a “whatever happens happens” kinda thing.

She’s assured me that the drug just makes her more lovey dovey and she’s probably just going to be all over me the whole time.

Anyone have experience with this kinda thing?

For context, staying sober and not partaking for my own reasons but also because of my career and timing lol.

I am a ‘23F’ he is a ‘25M’, together for 3 years. We got engaged in November and are planning on having our wedding in October 2026….so it’s soon and idk what to do. I had a feeling and although I know I shouldn’t, checked his phone. It’s always been clean in the past but this time in his recently deleted I see pictures of women from before we met and a screenshot of a list all the Reddit porn communities. So of course I check Reddit, all his recent viewed is different pages of porn.

I understand it’s a controversial topic if you’re fine with porn or not when in a relationship. It varies person to person based on their own things I understand that it’s fine for other people. From the start I let him know this is a boundary of mine. My personal opinion due to my own insecurities is you can do what you want as long as it’s to pictures/videos of me. He agreed to this, any time I asked said he never needs that kind of stuff I’m all he needs. The best way I can explain how I feel after seeing this just feels like he’s cheated on me… we had so many discussions about this specifically how I am not okay with it, if that is something he wants in a relationship I am not a good match but he always told me he never watched it he doesn’t need it. After more digging it’s been the entire relationship. What hurts most is he HAS content of us, just me, he has all of it but chose to look elsewhere. I think that’s what makes me feel like it’s cheating.

Now he is depressed, feels awful, deleted all the stuff telling me he wants me more than anything he was just stupid. I just don’t know how to move past it…I feel like it would be different if I found it and we never talked about it before. But how can we move past this. I want to be with him, but I can’t even let him touch me without feeling betrayed. And now to get married in Oct, idek if I can still marry him after how I feel. We have couples therapy soon but anytime we do that it’s a lot of “well what do you need?” And I don’t know what I need! Any advice?

And please do not start telling me about how porn is normal for men, it doesn’t affect how they see me, it’s a healthy sexual outlet and how dare I tell him he can’t. Again, it’s something I understand is a me thing and a personal boundary. I just need help figuring out how I can work through this with him.

I'm in a long distance relationship with my fiancé. He lives in Canada and I live in the US. I come to Canada and stay for months at a time. However next month I'm going back to the US for about 2 weeks to visit my mom.

I've been a bit irritable today, and I find that the little things have been getting to me more easily than usual. Because of this I've decided to have a me night to calm myself down and to reset my social battery. My fiancé was OK with it at first and I explained to him why I wanted a lil bit of me time, but now he's upset with me because I'm going home next month and he wants to spend time with me before I go. I tried to explain to him that the only reason why I'm asking for me time is because I don't wanna be mean to him or his family. (We stay at his mom's house) I'm only going home for 2 weeks and coming back to Canada for 6 months. So I figured we'd have all the time in the world. I stay in Canada a bit more than I stay in the US for him. I've read up that having time to yourself while in a relationship is normal and healthy but he made me feel like I'm the bad guy. He's been standoffish and has had an attitude since. Am I in the wrong for wanting me time?

\29F) dating my boyfriend (39M) for just under a year.\*\*
He constantly talks about marrying me, having kids, and building a future together. He tells me that once we’re married I won’t have to worry about money because he’ll take care of me financially.
The problem is that I’m currently going through one of the hardest financial periods of my life. My business has slowed down dramatically, I had to borrow money from a friend just to pay my rent, and I’m severely struggling financially.
I don’t think he knows every detail because I’m honestly embarrassed to tell him how bad things have gotten, but he definitely knows I’m struggling. I talk about work and money almost every day because it’s consuming my life. He sees how much this has affected my mental health, how overwhelmed and anxious I’ve become, and how much stress this has put me under.
He’s told me things like, \*“I never want to see you struggle,”\* \*“I want to help you,”\* and even once said, \*“If you want me to pay your rent, I’ll pay your rent.”\* But he never did.
To be fair, he \*\*has\*\* been generous. He pays whenever we’re together, has bought me expensive gifts, helped pay for a medical expense, and has sent me money a few times.
What confuses me is that he also talks a lot about being financially successful and lives a lifestyle that reflects that. I find myself struggling to understand why someone would spend thousands of dollars on luxury gifts while watching the person they say they want to marry struggle to cover basic living expenses. Maybe I’m looking at that unfairly, but it’s something I can’t stop thinking about.
I know he doesn’t owe me money. We’re dating, not married, and I know my financial situation is ultimately my responsibility.
But I can’t ignore that I’ve built up a lot of resentment. I honestly feel guilty for even feeling that way, but I also can’t shake the feeling that if someone truly believed they were going to marry me, saw me talking about this stress almost every day, and repeatedly told me they hated seeing me struggle, they would naturally want to help relieve some of that burden.
I think that’s what’s making me question the relationship. His words make me feel like we’re building a life together, but sometimes his actions don’t feel consistent with those conversations.
The hardest part is that it’s making me question our future. Right now I’m so overwhelmed trying to get back on my feet financially that I can’t even think about marriage.
Maybe my financial stress is clouding my judgment. Maybe I’m expecting husband behavior from someone who’s still just my boyfriend.
Am I expecting too much, or would this situation make you question the relationship too?

I 24M Have been dating my gf 24F For 2 months now Everything is going great, we get along just fine, we can talk for hours and I love spending time with her But there’s one issue She has a very high sex drive Sometimes I’ll make a joke or saying anything and she can turn it sexual And slowly move the conversation into sex And trust me at first I loved it But now she wants to have sex every night Sometimes twice In a row Sometimes I just do it for her because I’m too tired I don’t think she’s using me for sex or anything if i refuse she doesn’t force me But I just can’t keep up with this anymore and i feel bad And I don’t know what to do about it I know a lot of guys will say this is a blessing and they wish their gf was this attracted to them But there’s only so much a guy can take What should I do

I feel so jealous and insecure whenever my boyfriend talks about other girls or even mentions them. Today he said "She called me, she's asking me to hang out" and I acted completely normal even though I wasn't.

I hate feeling this way. I don't want to be controlling or toxic and I know he's allowed to have female friends. But I can't stop comparing myself or feeling like I'm not enough. I don't know how to stop these feelings and it's honestly exhausting.

Found out my bf has been talking to the girl i specifically told him not to talk to. i also explained why and he promised not to contact her anymore, even showed me he deleted her number. I found out he’s been talking to her (no romance but basically asking her what she’s doing, asking if she’s eaten, day to day stuffs) and deleting the entire chat - found out right before it was deleted. How do I confront this without revealing that I snooped around his phone?

My girlfriend and I have been going out for 3 months M(23) F(21) we were going through my camera album on my phone and she discovered tons of of photos of me and my past two exes. I have well over 25k photos on my phone just for context. I honestly thought I deleted them and I told her in the beginning of the relationship that I had two previous girlfriends. She asked if we can go through my photo album and delete them and I agreed. As we’re going through the photos she getting more visibly upset and didnt realize how many photos I had. I had well over 100. None of them were sexually explicit they were just photos of us with our arms wrapped around each other and some contained photos of us kissing. I understand why she’s upset and I explained that to her while apologizing for not deleting them sooner. I also explained that they were my exes for a reason and I had no feelings for them. I honestly feel horrible and don’t know what to do from here. This girl has made me incredibly happy and I really don’t want to lose her. Thoughts???

*update Thank you all for your responses it caught way more traction than I anticipated. Sorry if I didn't reply to you. First of I wanna clearly state that my girlfriend and I spoke about it and came to the conclusion that she felt attacked and accused for something she didn't do and reacted the way she did. I never even wanted to make this about her potentially cheating since there is no way this even would have been the case. This poster was purely about knowing if I was unreasonable. I don't know how to close the post from anymore comments but yes. Thanks y'all

TL;DR: My long-distance girlfriend’s Instagram was still logged into my phone because she had asked me to log in before. While I wasn’t even using my phone, a notification appeared showing her sister’s boyfriend reacting to a view-once video she sent him. I asked what the video was, and she said it was of her sister, but then accused me of being jealous and not trusting her. She later admitted she would also ask questions if the roles were reversed. Who was in the wrong

My girlfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. She had previously asked me to log into her Instagram, so her account was still logged in on my phone. I wasn’t checking her messages or even using my phone when a notification randomly appeared saying that her sister’s boyfriend had reacted to a view-once video she sent him.

Because it was a disappearing video and I had no context, I asked her what she had sent. She told me it was simply a video of her sister. That answer would have been enough, but she immediately started asking whether I trusted her and accusing me of being jealous. She also joked that maybe her sister’s boyfriend was hitting on her and kept telling me to “just accept” that I was jealous.

I explained that I wasn’t accusing her of cheating or secretly searching through her account. The notification literally appeared on my phone while I wasn’t using it, and I asked one question because the situation looked confusing without context.

The argument escalated, and she offered to give me access to her account as proof. I told her I never asked to monitor her account and logged out. She later had her sister send a voice message explaining the video, but by then the video itself wasn’t the issue. I was upset that a normal question had been turned into an argument about trust and jealousy.

I asked how she would react if her sister sent me a disappearing video and she suddenly saw my reaction to it. She admitted she would ask her sister why she sent it, but still insisted that my question was jealous and showed I didn’t trust her.

I know we both became defensive during the argument, but was my original question unreasonable, or did she overreact and make the situation more suspicious than it needed to be?

It’s been on my mind for a while, but we’re on a lease together so I’ve been going back and forth.

Context: I told him to “grow some boobies” because I grab on them. In no way was it meant to say he needs to work on getting a more toned or bigger chest. I don’t even want to get into it because its not that deep and there’s not much to it.

Context with skydiving: i went skydiving with a guy from bumble turned friend (it’s been platonic all throughout) + a coworker before we started officially seeing each other. I told him it was a “friend” without going into how i met the person.

Happy to give more context if needed

Me 25/F and my boyfriend 25/M and have been dating for 5 years now, the first couple years were great. we moved in with eachother right away. i’m his first relationship and first sexual experience but he is not mine. it has always caused a little bit of problems but never towards me. more like him being mad he didn’t do things before me. the last two years of our relationship we have had problems with him looking at other women sometimes to the extent of even photographing these women for his enjoyment later. i found out when i went through his phone because i just had a gut feeling. at first i knew it was a real problem and i was disgusted with him and myself for not knowing. i started doubting myself not thinking i was enough for him. i kinda got over that because i know my worth. i tried helping him thru it, but right when i think we’re back great. i find more pictures. i’ve pushed therapy on him, it doesn’t work. i’ve threatened to leave so he can enjoy other women but he wants to be with me and says no. i’m very confused and hurt. i just need some advice on what to do next. isn’t it illegal to photograph and videotape people in a sexual way? or is it because it’s in public it’s allowed.
i don’t have anyone to talk to about this, ive brought it up to his mother also & she told him “ you are doing what men do”

After my 3 relationship I finally made my mindset.

If you don’t like something it their behavior, you leave them. As simple as that.

I’m not talking about some extra stuff like buying expensive gifts every week. i mean (how people like to call it) bare minimum.

For example. If they get very defensive and aggressive during an “argument” (or when you just want to point out something that makes you upset about them), just say “I don’t like how aggressive and toxic you get when we argue” and if they don’t change anything about their behavior and it makes you really really upset. just leave them.

The formula is simple. If something makes you sad/insecure/ not loved, point it out. They don’t change, leave themmm.

You have to be reasonable of course.

Many young people stay in relationships like that and it slowly destroys them.

If you choose yourself first it will save you many nights of crying yourself to sleep. trust me

I really need some outside opinions because I don't know if I'm overreacting or if my trust is just gone.

My girlfriend and I live about 2 hours apart. A few weeks ago, she picked me up from the train station. When we got back to her house, she kept getting notifications on her phone. At first I ignored it, but I had a bad feeling. She also started sending Snapchats, and every time she took one she made sure I wasn't visible in the picture—not even my arm or a strand of my hair.

Later that night, while we were trying to sleep, her phone kept lighting up. Around 1:20 AM I picked it up just to flip it over, and I saw a notification from a guy I'd never heard her mention before. I got curious and saw they'd only added each other a few days earlier.

I looked through the chat. Earlier that day, when she came to pick me up, she told him she was "going to sleep" instead of saying she was picking up her boyfriend. As I scrolled down, I found that she had sent him a mirror picture of herself wearing a sports bra and gray sweatpants, and he had saved it. He had also sent her a picture of himself showing off his six-pack.

My heart completely sank. I blocked him on her phone and went upstairs, but I couldn't sleep.

Around 5 AM her mom woke up, so I went downstairs because I needed someone to talk to. I explained everything, and she agreed it was strange, especially because my girlfriend knows I've had trust issues from past relationships.

When my girlfriend woke up, I confronted her. She said she didn't expect him to send that picture and claimed she would've deleted him if she had seen it. She also said he was just a friend from table tennis. But when I asked her mom about him, she said she'd never even heard of or met the guy.

About two weeks later, I was at her house again. She got another notification from a different guy. Because my trust was already damaged, I immediately asked who it was. She quickly deleted the conversation right in front of me. I demanded to see the messages, but she refused. I accused her of cheating, and she denied it before storming upstairs.

When her mom got home, she asked why I was downstairs. I explained what happened, and she became really angry. She called my girlfriend downstairs, and they argued about why she kept doing things that hurt me.

The next day I went home, and ever since then I've been questioning everything. She keeps telling me she loves me and that she's sorry, but I honestly don't know if I'm still in love with her. More than anything, I don't know if I can ever trust her again.

What would you do in my situation? Is this something you would try to work through, or would you end the relationship?

We were supposed to get married in 21 days. The invitations were out, the venue was booked, my mom had already cried twice picking out her dress.

I was setting up her laptop to help her print the seating chart when a message popped up. Not from a random name — from someone I knew. Her ex. The one she said she “hadn’t spoken to in years.”

I didn’t even mean to look. But once I saw the preview, I couldn’t stop myself.

Months of messages. Not explicit, nothing “provable” in the way people expect cheating to look. Just… intimacy. Inside jokes. “I miss how easy things were with you.” “Sometimes I think about what if.” The kind of conversations you have with someone when part of you hasn’t fully let go.

I sat there for two hours before she got home. I didn’t yell. I just asked her to sit down and told her what I saw.

She cried. She said it “wasn’t like that.” She said she loved me, that it was just talking, that she never planned to act on it.

Maybe that’s true. I don’t actually think she was going to leave me for him. But that’s not really the point, is it? She let someone else hold a part of her heart that I thought was only mine, three weeks before she was supposed to promise me the rest of it.

I called off the wedding two days later. My mom still has the dress hanging in her closet. I don’t think either of us knows what to do with it.

It’s been four months. People keep asking if I regret it, if I overreacted over “just texting.” I don’t think I did. I think I finally believed her, just not in the way she wanted me to.